How to increase self-confidence in a woman psychology. Proven ways to boost self-esteem: simple and straightforward. the best books that will tell you how to raise a woman's self-esteem

Self-esteem of a person is his attitude to his own personality, which is formed by evaluating his bad and good qualities. However, such an opinion is formed not only from the individual's subjective view of himself, but also from a number of factors that affect the development and approval of self-esteem in different ways. A person's underestimated ideas about his own person are fraught with rather serious problems, both in his daily life and in psychological terms. That is why an increase in self-esteem in psychology is considered a very important factor in achieving harmony with oneself and a happy existence of a person as a whole.

What gets in the way of improving self-esteem

Before considering the most effective ways to improve a person's self-esteem, it is necessary to understand what the main reasons prevent a person from feeling self-confidence.

It should be noted that sometimes the origins of unjustifiably low self-esteem lie in a person's childhood, which is, as a rule, due to the attitude of the parents to the child and the methods of upbringing. But it also happens that such a complex develops over the years, that is, it is provoked by various life circumstances. And if a person does not find the strength to deal with the problem, over time it only gets worse, actively contributing to the development of an inferiority complex.

Consider the most common reasons that interfere with an increase in personal self-esteem:

• Negative attitude of others;
• Criticism of the people around;
• Obsession with your own failures;
• Constantly comparing yourself to others;
• The priorities are too high.

In fact, there are many more negatively-minded people in society than those who try in every possible way to encourage and instill confidence in their neighbor. Therefore, an increase in self-esteem in psychology is often associated with a person's environment. If he is constantly convinced that he is doing everything badly or incorrectly, gradually he begins to believe in it.

The same goes for criticism. It doesn't matter how, qualitatively or not, the work is done: there will always be those who will criticize it. Here the question is in the critic's own complexes: in this way they seem to assert themselves, but they do it at the expense of others. You should avoid communicating with such people or do not attach importance to unfounded remarks.

Self-esteem is also hindered by focusing on past failures and mistakes, which leads to unnecessary generalization: a person begins to think that if something does not work out for him, then the next time it will be the same. This threatens that he will generally stop trying his hand at something and prefer not to take on anything.

Comparing yourself to other people is also one of the main reasons for low self-esteem. Often, against this background, such a harmful quality as envy awakens in a person. He constantly thinks that if he had the same abilities as the other, he would have achieved better results. In fact, you should rely on your own capabilities and set goals based on them.

Self-esteem improvement in psychology is often associated with the ability to correspond to one's priorities. When goals and plans are too difficult and it takes a lot of time to implement them, a person decides that they are beyond his power and begins to blame himself. Such an experience leads to the fact that he soon abandons planning his own life, relying on the opinion that he still does not succeed.

Every day we see a lot of information with advice from psychologists on how to increase our own self-esteem, practical advice and NLP practices for stable training of our judgment. But what is self-esteem, where to get it and who, in the first place, to influence to improve it. It turns out that the word itself contains a simple answer to this exciting question - namely, an independent criterion for assessing one's personality. Practical introspection of one's attitude to surrounding emotions.

Neither the reactions of people around you, nor the right actions, nor even daily praise addressed to you, can change the established attitude towards yourself until you want to do it yourself.

The formation of a worthless attitude towards oneself comes from childhood.

The high criterion of assessment, regardless of the manifestation, led to the development of further anxiety. Such a character trait as resentment developed from constant humiliation - this is not only physical, but also emotional pressure. Also, moral and verbal ridicule and lack of faith in any undertaking leave an imprint.

Have you thought about what people think when they are around you? After a survey in one of the country's megacities, psychologists said that people do not leave the thought of themselves and their problems. The percentage of the population that cares about your dirty shoes today or being overweight is so small that it gives a clear picture of the thinking of others.

Nobody wastes their time thinking about other people's problems, criticizing their appearance, because every person on Earth has their own worries and plans. If your thinking is constantly swarming with a lot of thoughts about who and how thinks of you, you are a dependent person on the opinions of outsiders.

By the concept of "self-esteem" we mean our attitude towards ourselves. That is, by changing your own reaction, you change yourself and your vision of the world. There are various techniques for boosting self-esteem.

There are two types of evaluating a person as a person: dependent- when any events from outside leave an imprint on your mood, and independent- despite the opinion of those who are nearby, you are confidently moving towards your goal.

Criteria that characterize dependent self-esteem:

• It is important for you what others think about you;
• If no one laughs at your jokes, there is no emotional reaction to the story told the day before, the personal attitude towards oneself undoubtedly falls;
• Any criticism heard nearby is accepted.

Sometimes, dependence on the opinions of others reaches the peak of self-destruction. After all, a person begins to live for the sake of a positive mark from others, and not for the pleasure of himself. The complex of such low self-esteem leads to negative mood, apathy, loss of strength, lack of desire to work, to do anything in life.

Each person has their own personal list of positive qualities. Adhering to this established list - you can live happily, but you can constantly look for shortcomings in yourself, worry that they affect the opinion of others.

When you stumble, the reaction of the dependent on the opinions of other people will be negative.

- “The ideal mother’s children don’t cry” - this is the motto that mothers and babies pursue when traveling shopping or walking on the playground. But as soon as the kid makes a remark, goes against his decision or prohibits something, the whole district hears the terrible cry of the child.

In the subconsciousness of the parents of such a child, a negative reaction to itself arises. “I’m a bad mom”, “I’m a bad father” - after such emotional outbursts - you start to fear a repetition of a similar situation.

Reacting independently to the opinions of others will make you happy.

It is your reaction to the situation that should determine your individual assessment of what is happening, any actions, mistakes and possible ways to achieve success. Dealing with a specific matter, look only at your steps, and any negative from the outside should pass by consciousness. Only this method will act to achieve the cherished goal.

The main rules of independent self-assessment:

• I do not look at the opinions of others about my plans, life or relationships.
• Any emotions of strangers are only their reaction, you should not apply it to yourself.
• By not allowing yourself to be manipulated, you prioritize your values, showing others that you are committed to it.

An adequate reaction to what is happening around you is for many people only a dream, the achievement of which seems so far away that a large percentage give up halfway through work on themselves.
A woman who looks at herself with self-criticism and is constantly looking for negative moments in her appearance, the figure is very often lonely and unhappy.

And a man, having a low level of self-esteem, does not achieve the desired victories on his own. This leads to depression, alcoholism.

Each of us has a number of points that we feel great to do. These can be worries about appearance, or they can be practical, psychological qualities.

Depending on how strong the framework of your criteria for self-assessment is, your condition will directly depend.

Your self-esteem as a person should not depend on the points of the fulfilled “conditional” plan of the ideal person. A clear awareness of yourself as a full-fledged person with a set of qualities that will set you apart and make you unique is personal pride.

Self-esteem does not need to be improved. We need to make it independent!

Methods to help you become self-confident

It is worth recalling that a low level of self-esteem is your impressionability from the reactions of strangers.

Even a successful lady, with well-bred children, good career growth, finds many negative flaws in her appearance. Such a woman cannot feel completely happy, because every moment she remembers her shortcomings and begins to compare the behavior of others with her appearance.

The first method that will help show the best characteristics of a person is the familiar collage.

• stock up on a bunch of junk magazines expressing emotions, rich lives of successful people;
• place your most beautiful photo in the center;
• choose the ten best qualities that characterize you on a positive side;
• place pictures with the best merits around the photo - these are your personality traits that make you different from everyone;
• now remember the negative sides, what you want to get rid of, you feel complexes, it makes you fear;
• place the negative characteristics of your "I" according to the impact on your life;
• And most importantly, look at your created masterpiece every day and begin to say goodbye to what darkens your life. Do not be afraid to say goodbye to old things, spend money on yourself - it is at these moments that your love for yourself rises to the top, where your judgment about yourself hides.

The creation of such an illustrated poster will be able to show how much of all the good you hold in yourself, what you know how and what you can be proud of, and how few of those shortcomings turn out to which you attribute such importance! They are simply lost among your merits, all this will become visible when you design a collage. The simple realization of this fact will help you to stop concentrating on them. And if you want to move on, then every day it is worth working to improve one of the qualities present and get rid of what you are unhappy with.

The second set of simple steps will tune the mind to a feeling of harmony with itself without the influence of outsiders:

• When talking with people, try to use phrases that denote a leader, this is an expression of your own opinion from yourself. “I want to do, I propose” - this communication style will give an internal impetus to a new level of respect for oneself, show in the team that you are determined.
• You should not walk sad and gloomy, creating a formidable wall of inaccessibility with this kind. The easier you express your feelings, emotionally reacting to what is happening, the easier it is for people to find a common language with you. Agree, it is more difficult to start a conversation with a secretive person, the uncertainty of his reaction to any proposal will force you to bypass such a candidate.
• In the event that you are against something, you should not silently stand still and wait for someone else, bolder, to object to the proposed news. It is worth showing your disagreement when you do not like what is happening. So you can always express true desires, needs without imposing strangers.
• Accept a good attitude towards you with gratitude, without feeling ashamed. If you have been given a compliment, know that you are worthy of these words. And let your cold coffee due to long gatherings and torn stockings remain a secret that no one should know.

Where does self-opinion begin to develop?

Low self-esteem is the result of painstaking care of parents, teachers, surrounding the child from childhood. As the baby grows up, his curiosity begins to grow, and often he becomes not as comfortable for relatives as he would like.

Comparing a fidget with a quiet neighbor boy, in adulthood, a guy feels ashamed at the sight of a stronger rival. And if the reason lies precisely in the lack of confidence in his own strengths, he will silently step aside, giving the best to another.

Remember how the separation between you and your child happened in kindergarten, school. Frightened eyes of a little man who is most afraid that no one will come for him. Stress, which not everyone can cope with at a young age, comes from your own home "scary" phrases: if you don't obey, I'll give it to your uncle, if you don't take away the toys, I'll leave forever. Manipulation of children's emotions based on affection and love for the closest person are the main mistakes of parents that lead to a fall in self-esteem below the plinth.

If you begin to notice the fear of communicating with people around you, start immediately engaging with your beloved baby.

Ways you can use to change the way you look at yourself

How to improve self-esteem in five minutes a day - does this really happen? Yes, read the first method.

1. Auto-training.
   If you say to yourself a simple set of phrases every day, after a couple of months, your attitude towards yourself will change.

   I confidently go to work (interview, date).

   I have attractive features in appearance, I have a good character (you can make a list of your positive characteristics and not only repeat them, but also improve them).

   I don't care what others think, because my actions will lead to a happy outcome.

   I can. I can handle. I am brave (brave). It is easy for me to carry out a complex, important assignment.

   The female body reacts more emotionally to ongoing events, while the male body conceals everything in itself. But for everyone, regardless of gender and age, self-support will allow them to believe in themselves. Pronouncing such short affirmations - short phrases that carry a semantic load, the girl becomes more confident, and for men this self-hypnosis technique helps to raise a low level of personal self-esteem.

2. Learn to be yourself - you are unique.
   it can be difficult who, besides you, knows all the negative aspects of life. Starting to compare yourself to the successful film star, the always smiling neighbor - fleetingly you begin to imitate, using grimaces and expressions in your speech.

   Living your life with other people's emotions, dependence on the assessment of others grows a million times. After all, playing a role, they always expect a round of applause at the end.

   You should not create someone else's image of an idyll, it is better to turn yourself into someone who will be imitated and on whose assessment someone else's opinion will depend.

3. Love yourself - make others love you.
   We often look for flaws in ourselves, comparing them with the standard of beauty. But what prevents you from becoming an object of admiration and imitation?

   Secrets of strengthening self-love:

• Go to a beauty salon - you don't have to spend hundreds of thousands to create a beautiful candy wrapper. This month - a hairdresser, for the next, plan your makeup, manicure.

  Follow the successful and confident stars - you can envy that. But they spend a lot in order to feel their attraction.

• Accept any compliments in your address with gratitude, do not rush to talk about how much this dress cost you - you are worthy of these words of admiration.
• Learn to cultivate your positive qualities. It is by emphasizing the pros that much less attention will remain on the negative sides. Being able to highlight your best personality traits can help you minimize the things you were ashamed of. Stably compare yourself to how you were before.
• Forget that an inferior and shy person can be happy. Become successful through a positive self-image.

Love reading!

Movies that can motivate you and believe in your own strength

Check out the movies in which shy, over-the-top modesty succeeds:

• Eat Pray Love (2010)
• Life in pink
• Change Road (2008)
• Mona Lisa Smile
• The Devil Wears Prada
• Frida

Each film not only teaches us to overcome difficulties, finding the way to happiness. They teach to be happy internally, having what is in a given period of time.

The psychotherapist, who is often so afraid to go for help, always advises to start small. When following the recommendations in order to improve your attitude towards yourself, it is worth remembering the rule about the golden mean. An unstable narcissistic approach to self-love will turn into a new problem - selfishness towards others.

The level of self-esteem affects all of a person's actions. Most often, a person's self-esteem is underestimated, that is, a person's real capabilities are higher than a person's ideas about their capabilities. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when a person's capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, the negative environment has a serious impact. Of course, there are cases when a person has an overestimated self-esteem, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people.

And for adults, the opposite situation is characteristic - low self-esteem, which is understandable. Personality is formed in childhood and early youth, when a person's capabilities, for obvious reasons, are seriously limited.

It is quite possible to increase self-esteem, although it is often a rather slow process. However, conscious attempts at building self-esteem can be useful to almost everyone.

How to improve self-esteem and self-confidence? Here are 12 tips to help you do this:

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people who have more of something than you, and there will always be people who have less of it than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents in front of you that you cannot beat.

2. Stop berating and blaming yourself. You will not be able to develop high levels of self-esteem if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Whether you're talking about your appearance, your career, your relationship, your financial situation, or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Self-esteem correction is directly related to your statements about yourself.

3. Accept all compliments and congratulations in return “thank you”. When you respond to a compliment with something like, “Nothing special,” you reject the compliment and simultaneously send yourself a message that you are not praiseworthy, creating low self-esteem. Therefore, accept praise without belittling yourself.

Irina - 28/10/2013 - 12:47

I have been married for 17 years, we have three daughters. But a little over a year ago, I found out that my husband has a mistress (she is married, has a daughter). When I presented him with evidence, he confessed. It hurt a lot, but I offered him a divorce, because he said that he loved her, but at the same time he loved me. He did not agree to a divorce, begged to forgive, to keep the family. I believed, forgiven, but soon found out that he never parted with his mistress. Again there was a serious conversation with him, I said that I was filing for divorce, again there were pleas to save the family, he said that he was confused, that he would figure it out. Then again I found out that the relationship was continuing, then I packed his things and kicked him out, for two days he lived in the car, his mistress said that she did not seek our divorce. Then he came back. Six months later, I again find out that the relationship continues, again I kick him out of the house with his things, now after 4 days he asks to go home, all this time he lives in the car. Again I regretted, forgiven, let go. But he never ended the relationship there. This constant lie, I live like hell. I know that every evening they talk on the phone, write text messages. Something broke inside me, I lost interest in life. When my husband says something to me, I don’t believe him automatically, I start to wind myself up, looking for a catch. I understand that it is impossible to continue living like this, that I am destroying myself, but he lives as he lived. I do not know what to do. I think that I am ready for a divorce, but I do not want to kick him out into the street, after all, 17 years of marriage, he is the father of my daughters. if I knew that he had somewhere to go, I would divorce him with a light heart, but his mistress is not going to divorce.

Dusseldorf - 28/10/2013 - 15:28

427
Irina 10/28/2013 at 12:47
I know how hard it is for you to decide to change your life, to make a 360-degree turn ... habit ... affection ... but have you never thought that you are living a lie? ... why? start living for yourself already ... believe me, it is so wonderful to live without looking back on the past ... You were betrayed ... did anyone think about you? ... no, of course ... so why are you rushing into the embrasure? no one will appreciate it, and you don’t need it, the main thing is you, your life (you are responsible for it) and that you only know about yourself ... until it's too late to change, look around, at yourself ... and then you will remember how poor he is - unhappy, could not you or she decide? so maybe she is still the main thing in his life, since he could not end it? why do you need it? love yourself already at last ... do not be afraid .. there is nothing that we cannot cope with ... be sure ... it hurts at first: memories (after all, many years together), resentment, pity ... but a little later you will live a completely different life and all this you will remember the story with a grin ... Change, everything is in your hands ... or just walk around in circles, not lamenting or regretting, what an unfortunate poor fellow that sleeps in the car ... oh-oh-oh ... every blacksmith of his own happiness ...

Greenwold - 29/10/2013 - 22:06

Dusseldorf
What delusional naivety, on the verge of stupidity. 😉
What about the children? And how to live for herself .. at her age?
Love yourself, blah blah blah .. every blacksmith of his own happiness, blah blah blah ..
It looks more like the mantras of religious fanatics who have nothing to do with life. Everything is cognized in comparison, and comes with life experience. You are still far from that.

secrets - 11/18/2013 - 18:07

Here, too, an interestingly written assembly of tips. I think if, yes, everyone would really love himself on our planet, then all medicine would have gone at a loss =) By definition, simple.

Tata - 20/11/2013 - 15:23

The article helps to put everything in its place, but, unfortunately, all this is quite difficult to apply! Before marriage, I had a normal self-esteem, I was in my own way happy and positive, but there was no beloved, now there is a beloved and there is a daughter, but some the worm crept in after childbirth, became complete, although her husband loves and says at least be very fat, I like everything, I love it, but I have never been so full, it seems that I am not very overweight, only 10 kg are extra, but they lead me to self-indulgence , and at once everything is not a joy, and gymnastics and a bathhouse and a pool, and wraps and proper nutrition, but nothing helps yet, my husband is trying to buy gifts, but I can’t get over myself. I have no self-esteem, I cry and cannot understand what I want ... I have already brought myself to the point of becoming aggressive and sarcastic towards my husband ... It already seems that she is only looking at thin girls .. I understand that this may seem like nonsense, but you have no idea what is going on in your soul ... And it seems to me that I understand Ekaterina a little and just like she does not have a dad, but I was worried about his death for a very long time for more than 10 years and only let go of the situation ...

Artyom - 11/26/2013 - 05:42

Any non-physical pain and suffering is a product of our mind. Everything that comes into the mind from the outside, outside and returns, if for some reason you yourself do not keep it inside. Answer yourself to the question: Why are you doing this to yourself? Why did you pick up on this? Why are you punishing yourself? Maybe enough already? Nobody except you will answer you. There is nothing of this inside you, just for some reason known only to you, you believe in it. Think hard why you are doing this

Smile, give joy — 22/12/2013 - 11:07

You know what I think about the state of mind described in the previous commentaries. Loneliness, fear, self-doubt, sadness - all this needs to be banished from oneself, because it interferes with living fully. Losing the meaning of life, not finding it is very scary. I believe that the best cure for this is not psychics and every chakra is wrong, not pills and ukolchiki, but nature. Yes, nature. You need to be able to merge with her, and then she will give peace of mind. Extreme! You think this is stupidity, but, believe me, thanks to him you can gain self-confidence. Sport! Spill your negative feelings in the gym or at home by exercising to your favorite music. The important task is to find what makes you feel like yourself. Sign up for swimming, karate, comprehend the art of music, painting. Buy a skateboard or skis and hit the ski resort. Perhaps there you will meet true friends, true love. Remember, movement is life!

Valera - 01/04/2014 - 09:13

Great article. I have long been interested in various ways to increase self-esteem or, for example, how to become more self-confident. But recently I came across such an interesting site, Enilife, it turns out that it is not only about self-esteem or other indicators, but about how we are able to successfully create our future life model. There are a bunch of different exercises and tests.

Vyacheslav - 10/07/2014 - 08:52

You said well - "You will never respect yourself if you do not spend your life the way YOU want to spend it." I constantly adjust to others, I don't live my life, and this is why I have low self-esteem.

Olya - 01/09/2014 - 10:18

Hello, I have been working at one workplace for more than a year, but I cannot join the team. These sidelong glances and the statements of colleagues bring to tears (at home, of course). Today I took a day off, so a lot of calls from work that I did not do it, that I I’m scared to go to work tomorrow. I’m tired of these gossip. Saturday there were a lot of clients, it’s my own fault that I didn’t finish my job, but even though the lull at work, I’m still in the eyes of the team, I’m not that kind, for example: stupid , quiet, etc., especially in the eyes of a colleague of a girl who has a relative at work and some friends (she feels relaxed at work). Even when I go to the office (parallel), everyone looks like that at once! I'm shocked that I in general, for some reason, I went here, although at working moments we all go there.

• • Self-assessment functions and their role
• • "Symptoms" of low self-esteem
• • Signs of "healthy" (high) self-esteem
• • Reason # 1. Parenting mistakes
  • Reason # 2. Frequent failures in childhood
  • Reason number 3. Lack of clear life goals and drives
  • Reason number 4. Negative social environment
  • Reason number 5. Health problems and flaws in appearance
• • Method number 1. Change the environment and try to communicate more with successful people
  • Method number 2. Attending special trainings, seminars and other events
  • Method number 3. Do not be afraid to take unusual actions.
  • Method number 4. Discard excess self-criticism
  • Method number 5. Sports and healthy lifestyle
  • Method number 6. Listening to affirmations regularly
  • Method number 7. Keep a diary of personal successes and achievements
• 9. Conclusion

What is the essence and importance of the concept of "self-esteem". “The most important thing is how you see yourself.” This statement is the true truth, it is almost impossible to disagree with it.

Indeed, any victory, from the most insignificant to a brilliant triumph, is undoubtedly the result of the fact that at a certain stage of his life a person absolutely sincerely believed in himself, correctly estimated his own significance, and gained firm faith in the power of his capabilities.

In this article, you will learn:

• What is self-esteem?
• How to improve self-esteem and self-confidence? And how to develop it?
• Does Self-Esteem Affect Human Behavior?

We will also discuss how most people assess themselves and how the course of their life depends on their sense of self.

Boosting Self-Confidence - 7 Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem

1. What is self-esteem: definition and its impact on our lives

Self-esteem - this is an individual's opinion about the importance and materiality of his own personality in relation to other people, as well as his assessment of personal qualities - shortcomings and advantages.

Undoubtedly, objective self-assessment is necessary for the full-fledged harmonious functioning of a person in a social environment.

Without a healthy sense of self and understanding the value of one's own personality, the achievement of many life goals by a person - success in society, career growth and advancement, sufficient self-realization, material wealth, harmony in the family circle, spiritual well-being - becomes completely impossible. (Read also the article - and money into your life, there you will find all the popular ways to attract money)

Self-assessment functions and their role

Self-assessment performs the functions:

• Protective- guarantees a certain independence of the person himself from outside opinions;
• Regulatory- provides an opportunity to solve problems of personal preference;
• Developing- initiates an impetus to improve the personality.

In the early stages of the formation of self-esteem, it is undoubtedly paramount assessment of the child's personality others - primarily parents, as well as educators and teachers, friends and peers.

In ideal conditions, self-esteem should be determined only by the individual's own opinion of himself, but in society this is impossible. A person is in constant psychological interaction with other people, and, therefore, an innumerable number of factors affect his formation as a person and the formation of his self-esteem.

According to psychologists and experts, perfect self-esteem –this is an extremely accurate and correct assessment of a person's own abilities... This is extremely important!

After all, if self-esteem is underestimated, then it forces a person to constantly doubt the choice of this or that decision, to think for a long time, to be afraid and, often, to make the wrong choice. But too high self-esteem, on the contrary, leads to the fact that a person's decisions are unjustifiably bold, sometimes even bold, do not correspond to the potential of his capabilities, and this also leads to the commission of a huge number of gross life mistakes.

Yet more often psychologists are faced with the problem of a person's underestimation of their strengths and capabilities. Such a person is completely unable to reveal his potential properly, while he absolutely does not realize where his problem lies, makes new mistakes due to constant self-doubt, and does not at all understand how to raise self-esteem. Due to the constant feeling of the meaninglessness of their existence, people with low self-esteem are often unsuccessful, poor, and unhappy.

One of the fairly common pathological manifestations of low self-esteem is inferiority complex .

2. Learn to respect and love yourself - this is immensely important!

To raise self-esteem means to learn to respect oneself, to love oneself, i.e. accept yourself exactly as you are, with all your inherent flaws and vices. It is in order to understand how to gain self-confidence and develop it that we wrote this article, since confidence and self-esteem are closely intertwined.

How to become confident in yourself? How to Build Confidence?

It has long been known that ideal people simply do not exist. We all have flaws... But a self-confident person differs from a constantly hesitant, indecisive and insecure person that not only notices his own shortcomings, but also remembers the merits that every person probably also has. In addition, a self-confident person is undoubtedly able to present himself favorably in society.

If you don't love yourself, who else will take on such a responsibility? How can other people love you? There is an interesting psychological phenomenon - consciously and subconsciously, people always strive for contacts and communication with self-confident individuals. It is these people who are most often preferred as business partners, friends, and also life partners.

If you tend to doubt yourself and reproach yourself for every little thing, you automatically program yourself for further failures, failures and make the decision-making process even more difficult.

Learn to finally notice your dignity, remember your achievements do not hesitate to compliment yourself again. Forgive yourself for minor failures and troubles, love and respect yourself - and soon you will notice how the attitude of others towards you will change.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are very important characteristics when applying for a job. Therefore, we also recommend reading the article - when applying for a job "

"Symptoms" of low self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem often exhibits symptoms such as:

• excessive self-criticism, constant dissatisfaction with oneself;
• excessive sensitivity to criticism of other people, strong dependence on the judgments and opinions of others;
• an irresistible desire to please people, invariably to be something useful;
• pronounced fear of making a mistake, slowness and a tendency to endless doubts when making a meaningful decision;
• inexplicable jealousy, irresistible envy of the success of others;
• latent hostility to others;
• disposition to a constant defensive position, the need to constantly explain and justify decisions and actions taken;
• pessimism, negativism, a tendency to see oneself and everything around in gloomy tones;

A person with low self-esteem often perceives temporary difficulties and minor life failures as permanent, and makes the appropriate negative and, remarkably, wrong conclusions current potential and future opportunities.

The worse we perceive ourselves, the less we respect ourselves, the more negative the attitude of the people around us towards us. And this will inevitably lead to alienation, detachment and isolation, and therefore - a tendency to depression and many other psycho-emotional disorders.

3. Self-confidence and high self-esteem are an integral factor in achieving success in life!

Some people see selfishness as a sin, or at least something negative, something that is best avoided.

But in reality, a person's lack of self-love and a lack of self-respect is precisely the source of the emergence of countless complexes and many internal conflicts.

If a person has a low opinion of himself, the people around him will never have a different point of view about him. And on the contrary, people with sufficient self-esteem are usually highly valued by others: their opinion is always authoritative and weighty, their interests are taken into account, they seek to cooperate with them, make acquaintances, build friendships or start a family.

Thus, by learning to respect ourselves, we will certainly gain the respect of others, and, moreover, we will learn to soberly relate to the opinions of others about us.

Signs of "healthy" (high) self-esteem

People with good self-esteem have the following positive characteristics:

• Accept, love and respect their appearance for what it is. And if they are looking for any shortcomings, they sensibly strive to overcome them;
• Do not question their strengths, aim at success and future victories;
• They are not afraid to take risks, make bold decisions, are more inclined to take action than to think, they are not afraid to make mistakes and draw appropriate conclusions, learn from them;
• They calmly perceive criticism of others, calmly relate to compliments;
• They know how to communicate with people in a quality manner, are always interested in their opinion and are not afraid to express their own, do not feel shyness, insecurity and embarrassment when communicating with previously unfamiliar people;
• They treat the opinions of other people with due respect, but they always have and, if necessary, can defend and defend their own point of view;
• Caring for the health of their body and maintaining a positive emotional well-being;
• Strive for self-development, continuous self-improvement, constant acquisition of new impressions, knowledge, experience;
• They do not tend to concentrate their attention and dwell on the negative for a long time in the event of any failure or failure.

Strong belief in yourself and sufficient self-esteem- the same indispensable factors for achieving success in life and human happiness, as water and sun for plant growth. Personal progress is impossible without them. After all, low self-esteem completely deprives a person of all prospects and even the slightest hope for the future. positive changes .

4. Factors of low self-esteem - 5 main reasons

There is an immeasurable set of factors that directly or indirectly affect the formation of our sense of self. A small role is given to genetic characteristics and hereditary predisposition, but to a much greater extent, environmental factors still have a decisive influence.

Let's take a look at the five most common reasons a person develops low self-esteem.

Reason # 1. Parenting mistakes

As you know, each of us comes from childhood. And, oddly enough, many of our complexes and negative blocks of our consciousness also come from there. The future life of a child directly depends on the upbringing of a child. Indeed, it is in childhood that parents form those “rules” by which a person will live in the future, those “filters” through which he will evaluate what is happening around.

Therefore, the way you bring up your child today - a direct mirror image of what kind of person you will receive tomorrow. Believe me, the best, most important and valuable thing that a mother and father are able to do for the good of their children is to teach them to love themselves, to develop in them the proper level of self-esteem.

Self-esteem of the future personality begins its formation in deep childhood. At an early age, a child is not yet able to independently objectively assess the results of his actions and actions, therefore, the main source of the formation of his opinion about himself is the immediate environment, i.e. most often parents.

For a little kid, parents are his whole world. If the parents are kind enough to him, the mindset will form in his subconscious mind “ good world", - the little person will be positive.

If parents in childhood never encourage their children, but, on the contrary, scold, constantly reproach and punish, the child simply will not have any foundation for developing self-love - the soil on which confidence in their abilities could be formed will be destroyed. We in no way call for connivance, but if you wish good things for your children, learn to notice not only their failures, but also achievements. And be sure to pay not only your attention to them, but also the attention of the child. If the kid constantly hears from you: “you are clumsy, awkward, foolish, etc. - this will certainly be deposited in his child's subconscious, and will leave its negative imprint on the development of the future personality.

Under no circumstances should you constantly compare and contrast your child with other children. Every person, without exception - it's personality ... Comparing a child with someone else, from childhood we infringe on him as a person, contribute to the development of an inferiority complex in him.

If a child hears too many prohibitions in childhood, endless " No" and " it is forbidden"- he is already potentially doomed to an unsuccessful life, little income, few friends in the future.

A sharp decrease in self-esteem and a breakdown in confidence in one's own abilities, words and actions is influenced by the endless criticism of parents of any initiatives, first undertakings and actions. Any positive initiative in childhood should certainly be encouraged! Indeed, even years later, being an adult for a long time, a person who was often criticized in childhood, subconsciously still continues to be afraid of the same criticism, condemnation of others, and mistakes. Parents, as well as teachers, educators, trainers must know how to raise self-esteem and self-esteem in a child who suffers from indecision, doubts and uncertainties.

Optimal method- praise, unobtrusive encouragement. Sometimes it is enough to praise the child from the bottom of the heart for a correctly completed homework, a beautifully drawn picture, a verse recited with expression, and his self-esteem will surely increase.

Remember that the center of the world for a child is his family. It is you who are the authors of the foundation of the core of the future personality. Passivity, lack of initiative, apathy, indecision, insecurity and many other negative features are a direct reflection of family, primarily parental, suggestions, attitudes, and incorrect models of upbringing. As a rule, self-esteem is higher in only children in families and in first-borns. For others, it is common to have a "younger brother complex" that occurs when parents endlessly resort to comparing the younger child with the older one.

According to many psychologists , a family impeccable for building good self-esteem is one where the mother is always calm, balanced and in a good mood, and the father is moderately demanding, fair and has undeniable authority.

Reason # 2. Frequent failures in childhood

It is well known that our life is changeable and multifaceted, in it success alternates with bad luck, white stripes with black, victories with defeats. Ever absolutely every person will face life troubles, malfunctions, commonplace failure.

No one is immune from all this, moreover, it contributes to the emergence of life experience, the development of willpower, the formation of character. But undoubtedly important is our own attitude to the experienced misfortunes. And they can especially traumatize the child, since the strength of character in him has not yet been finally formed.

Any negative event experienced can affect the child's vulnerable psyche in the form of a lifelong guilt complex and a decline in self-esteem.

for instance, sometimes children blame themselves for the divorce of their parents or their endless quarrels, and then the childish sense of guilt is modified into continuous doubts and inability to make a decision.

In childhood, completely and completely harmless, from the standpoint of an adult, events often acquire universal proportions.

For example having won a silver, not a gold medal in sports, an adult athlete will take a break and continue training even more stubbornly, and a child may break down, get psychological trauma and complexes for the rest of his life, especially if parents and trainer do not show a proper understanding of the current situation.

What feeds low self-esteem in childhood? Failures and mistakes, the ridicule of classmates, the rash remarks of adults, especially parents, criticism of teachers. As a result, the adolescent gets the wrong idea that he is bad, unsuccessful, inadequate, unlucky, doomed to negativity in advance, and an erroneous feeling of guilt arises for his thoughts, decisions, actions.

Reason number 3. Lack of clear life goals and drives

If you do not have clear goals that you would like to achieve, positive aspirations, and do not even try to change something for the better, do not make any volitional efforts, then your life will continue to be boring and joyless, gray and monotonous.

Often, people who underestimate themselves live according to a template, half-heartedly on autopilot. They have long been accustomed to gray tones, an inconspicuous "mouse" way of life, a complete lack of fresh impressions and picturesque colors - and there is absolutely no desire to get out of the established quagmire. Over time, these apathetic people stop even properly looking after their appearance, resign themselves to a small income, stop dreaming and craving for something more. Of course, self-esteem in this case is not only low, but completely absent.

Growing up, a person becomes passive and apathetic, and then transfers all problems and troubles to his wife (husband) when he starts a family.

One conclusion suggests itself: for such a person there is simply a burning need - to increase self-esteem. Otherwise, his life will continue to be painted in extremely gloomy tones, until he himself makes colossal efforts to change his life and, most importantly, himself.

Reason number 4. Negative social environment

Science has proven the existence of mirror neurons - unusual brain cells that have the property of being activated not only during the performance of a specific action, but also when observing the performance of this action by others. Thus, gradually we become to some extent similar to those who make up our close environment.

If there are people around you without specific aspirations and specific life goals, who are in stable spiritual suspended animation, where will you get a craving for internal modifications.

High self-esteem and healthy ambition are possible only where role models are available. If people around you, boring, passive, lack of initiative, have become accustomed to the gray and inconspicuous life "in the shadows", then, quite likely, such an existence will absolutely suit you.

If you notice that everyone around you is endlessly complaining about life, constantly gossiping, condemning others or slandering others, you need to try cross off these people from the closest circle in all available ways. After all, in fact, they can turn out to be an obstacle to improving your creativity and achieving your success.

Reason number 5. Health problems and flaws in appearance

Low self-esteem is often characteristic of children and adolescents with defects in appearance or congenital diseases.

Even if parents behave correctly, carefully and tactfully in relation to a child who has health problems, then peers are likely to leave a negative mark on his sense of self.

Common situation- overweight children, who are often made fun of in the children's team, give them various nicknames, often offensive. In this case, catastrophically low self-esteem cannot be avoided unless the necessary measures are taken in a timely manner.

Of course, it is worth trying, if possible, to eliminate the existing imperfections. If this is unrealistic, try to develop other necessary qualities in a person that would help him become more persistent, strong, charismatic, cheerful, capable and confident.

The world knows a lot of examples where people with irreparable physical disabilities and incurable diseases have achieved tremendous success, universal recognition, got good families and live the happiest life, which many have not seen even in their dreams. (Here are a few of them: Carrie Brown, Nick Vuychich, Jessica Long, etc.)

5. How to Boost Self-Esteem and Confidence - 7 Ways to Boost Self-Esteem

Let's learn to raise self-esteem, develop self-confidence and start loving ourselves! Fortunately, there is a sea of ​​ways to awaken self-confidence, but now let's dwell on seven of them, in our opinion, quite reliable and effective.

Method number 1. Change the environment and try to communicate more with successful people

If you radically change your circle of contacts and start contacting goal-oriented, successful, self-confident people, your life is guaranteed to change for the better very quickly.

Little by little, your sense of your own will return dignity, self-respect, determination, courage, self-love, i.e. all those personal qualities, without which it is impossible achievement of life success .

Communicating with prosperous and successful people, you will begin to value your own individuality, you will become more careful in using your personal time, you will certainly acquire a life purpose and will certainly achieve success on your own.

Method number 2. Attending special trainings, seminars and other events

In any city, for all comers, various events, specialized trainings and seminars are held, where psychologists help people become more self-confident and raise self-esteem.

Good specialists with experience of such work in the shortest possible time will be able to turn a timid, awkward, indecisive person into a strong, strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person. The main thing- have a sincere desire and tune in to the upcoming positive changes.

If you still do not want to resort to outside help, but are determined to cope with the problem on your own, you should familiarize yourself with the following literature:

• Brian Tracy "Self-Assessment";
• Andelin Helen "The Charm of Femininity"
• and others (there is a lot of similar literature on the Internet)

Method number 3. Do not be afraid to take unusual actions.

It is natural for a person to run away from problems and hide in the zone of their usual comfort. This is understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to calm yourself down by eating a mountain of sweets, a lot of alcohol, or just sit at home in an armchair and feel sorry for yourself, savoring your own impotence. It is many times more difficult to adequately accept the challenge and accomplish something absolutely not characteristic of you before.

At first it will seem to you that beyond the boundaries of the comfort zone there is an unusual, hostile, alien and inhospitable world, but then you will understand that real life, full of bright colors , unforgettable adventures and positive emotions, is just where you have not been.

Constantly being in familiar conditions resembles life in a kind of invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave only because you are used to it, and do not know what awaits you outside of it.

When do you manage to leave "Comfort zone" while staying calm, collected and balanced, you will receive a strong incentive to increase your self-esteem and create a new, more attractive image.

Nobody is asking you to start with global change. For starters, for example, instead of returning from work to watch a long-boring boring series, visit the gym or visit old friends.

Set a goal- learn an unfamiliar language in six months or meet a pretty girl tonight. Don't be afraid of mistakes! If for the first time everything does not work out smoothly and perfectly, you are still guaranteed a lot of new impressions and an increase in self-esteem.

Method number 4. Discard excess self-criticism

Stop finally engaging in self-flagellation, concentrating on the negative, blaming yourself for mistakes made inadvertently, not an ideal appearance, another failure in your personal life. It will immediately become much easier for you!

You will not waste a lot of energy on self-criticism, and you will certainly find time and energy for other, more creative, necessary and worthy tasks.

Remember: whatever you are, you are the only unsurpassed, unrepeatable and unique person on this vast planet. Why endlessly compare yourself with others? Try to better concentrate on achieving the necessary goals, reconsider your potential and your personal idea of ​​happiness.

Open your eyes to the positive qualities of your personality. Find your strengths and continually work to improve them.

Finally, from any failures of the past, disappointments experienced and mistakes made once, invaluable benefits can be removed, the name of which is worldly wisdom and life experience.

Method number 5. Sports and healthy lifestyle

It is known that one of the simplest and most effective methods to increase self-esteem is to actively engage in sports, dance, physical education or other activities focused on improving health and self-awareness. It is no secret that a healthy body has always been known as a repository of a healthy mind and pure thoughts.

Going in for sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and automatically respect himself more. Moreover, the improvement of self-esteem does not depend at all on the results of training: even if the changes are minimal, the activity itself is important, the process of training itself.

The more energetic your workouts, the more you will begin to value yourself. The presented phenomenon has an explanation from the point of view of biochemistry: during intense sports, special substances are produced in the human body - dopamine- the so-called "Hormones of joy".

Method number 6. Listening to affirmations regularly

Affirmation - this is a short verbal formula, which, with frequent repeated repetition, forms a positive attitude in the human subconscious.

It is this attitude that further leads to the transformation of character traits and personality traits for the better. Now, affirmations are considered by psychologists as one of the most effective ways to reprogram a person's consciousness.

These verbal formulas are always voiced as an already realized fact, which makes a person perceive them as something inevitable, something that in any case will inevitably happen.

If our own subconscious counts us strong, successful, and purposeful, then little by little we really will definitely become such.

Main condition when using the linguistic miracle formula - strict regularity.

Method number 7. Keep a diary of personal successes and achievements

Sometimes a diary of your own victories and achievements that you have created can help raise your self-esteem. This method is especially popular among women.

Be sure to get such a diary and enter data there about everything that you have achieved for day, week, month... It is truly a powerful tool that will make you believe in yourself and stimulate your self-esteem.

Let his records be updated every day with information about your victories, even very insignificant ones! And don't forget to reread it regularly.

Use these methods regularly and then your self-esteem will be quite normal, your life will begin to improve, material problems will move to another level. By the way, do not forget to read: "", because without these recommendations it is impossible to gain financial independence.

6. Fighting dependence on public opinion

If you attach too much importance to the opinions of others, you potentially doom yourself to failure.

Of course, really kind, objective and constructive criticism, pointing out your specific mistakes and received from reliable people who can actually be trusted, is very useful and will help you develop and improve tirelessly. But excessive dependence on other people's views - this is a huge mistake.

Appreciate your own opinion, have your point of view, do only what you think is necessary, and not someone else. Do not attach colossal importance to other people's words! Nobody, except you, knows your true desires, goals, needs and cannot judge what is good for you and what is not. If you want to do something new and different, the question “what will people say to this” should never stop you.

Don't be afraid to make your dream come true and don't dwell on the consequences.

7. How to learn to manage your self-esteem and find yourself - 5 useful tips

Here are five important tips to help you manage your self-esteem:

1. Don't compare yourself to other people.- this is an absolutely vain and stupid occupation. It makes sense to compare only “yourself in the past” and “yourself now”, and you need to focus only on positive changes;
2. Don't criticize yourself tirelessly, it is better to remind yourself of the list of your positive qualities, achievements and victories (even the tiniest ones);
3. Communicate more with fun, positive people;
4. Do what you like more often.;
5. Think less! Act more!

Never forget that you are an interesting, outstanding person with a tremendous potential of unlimited possibilities. And only the development of good self-esteem is a reliable way to reveal your many abilities and talents to the fullest.

8. Self-assessment test - we determine our level of attitude towards ourselves

Answer the given questions "yes" or "no", and then count the number of positive and negative answers.

1. * Do you often scold yourself for previous mistakes?
2. * Do you like to gossip with friends, discuss your mutual acquaintances?
3. * Do you have no formed goals and clear plans for your future life?
4. * Are you alien to playing sports?
5. * Do you often worry and worry about trifles?
6. * Once in a new company, do you dislike being "in the spotlight"?
7. * When meeting someone of the opposite sex, do you find it difficult to maintain a conversation?
8. * Does someone else's criticism upset you?
9. * Do you tend to be jealous of others' successes?
10. * Is it easy to hurt you, to offend you with a careless word?

So, if you have:
1st to 3rd affirmative answers, - our congratulations, you have good , "Healthy" self-esteem.
More than 3 yes answers: your self-esteem underestimated... Be sure to work on it.

9. Conclusion

Now you know that believing in yourself, not being afraid to take risks, not giving importance to criticism of the environment and soberly assessing your own talents is entirely possible and not at all difficult. The main thing- a sincere, genuine desire to change and a willingness to work on oneself.

You can believe in anything, hope for a miracle, God's help, good luck or a lucky break, but never forget that the most important thing is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!

Realizing this, you, without any exaggeration, can radically change your whole life.