How to develop charisma? Tips and basic qualities. How to develop charisma? Exercises for developing charisma What you need to do to be charismatic

The term "charisma" originated in ancient Greek mythology and denotes a set of personality traits, character traits and external features, which has a magnetic effect on others. A charismatic person stands out from the crowd due to his individuality. At the same time, neither the field of activity, nor moral and ethical qualities, nor social status matters.

Charisma can and should be developed. It helps to expand the scope of one's own capabilities, helps to attract everyone's attention and achieve success.

What makes a charismatic person stand out from the crowd? What are its features? We should remember famous people who are deservedly called charismatic. Most of them have the following properties:

• confidence, which implies the ability to arouse interest, hold the interlocutor's attention, clearly express one's own opinion, convince with the help of arguments. A confident person inspires by his own example. Auto-training, introspection, self-esteem increase will help to gain self-confidence;
• unique manner (special gestures, style of dress, behavior, public demeanor, humor, etc.). It is necessary to have individuality, emphasizing it if necessary;
• charm. To win over the interlocutor simply with the help of a positive attitude, a smile, a pleasant tone of voice, correct and intelligible speech. Training in front of a mirror, listening to a recording of one's own speech on a voice recorder will help to develop the necessary qualities;
• ideology. A charismatic person is able to carry the idea to the masses, he clearly believes in the existence of its meaning and argues his position if necessary;
• energy, which largely depends on temperament. Although this is an innate reality, the energy level can be increased if desired.

To develop charisma, you need to train the above qualities in the aggregate.

A person with charisma goes through life easily, not dwelling on failures, but working through the mistakes made. Healthy self-criticism, acceptance of one's own imperfections, forgiving oneself for mistakes, summing up the results of the work done help to objectively assess opportunities, train weaknesses, and gain confidence.

The presence of diverse interests deserves special attention. Natural curiosity is present in every child, but with age, under the influence of public opinion, it fades away. You should keep as much as possible in yourself the desire to learn new things, periodically leave the comfort zone, then life will be filled with vivid impressions.

Passion or hobby makes it possible to get positive emotions from your favorite business, and, consequently, increase your energy level. In addition, improve certain skills, learn a lot of new things, broaden your horizons. If a person is interesting to himself, he is able to arouse the interest of others.

You have to develop the habit of learning. New knowledge helps to raise the level of professionalism, develop comprehensively, stay abreast of current events, and keep up with the times.

Attributes of a charismatic personality

The development of charisma begins with the identification of individual and unique personal characteristics. No two people are exactly alike, even if they are twins. The following should focus on important points:

• Subtle humor.

Each person has an individual perception of humor. Sarcasm, which can offend the interlocutor, should be completely excluded from everyday life, and it is not very good to characterize the speaker. It will be useful to study the intricacies of national humor if you have to communicate with people from different countries. You should not be familiar and abuse jokes, so as not to create the impression of a frivolous, impolite person. People who know how to joke in time are valued by society.

• Emotionality in communication.

Often an emotional person is called charismatic. There is some truth in this. Positive emotions paint communication in brighter colors, leaving a good impression of the interlocutor. A smile, moderate gestures of joy when greeting, sincere interest in the topic of conversation is the best option. You need to laugh when it's funny, and sympathize or worry when sad, but within the bounds of decency. The expression of emotions is a suitable option for the manifestation of charisma for both a man and a woman.

What should not be forgotten

Charisma is often synonymous with extravagance, shocking, and sometimes contrary to common sense. When developing the traits of a charismatic person, you need to remember the following aspects:

• Tact.

In any society, people are valued who are in the spotlight, but have an unsurpassed sense of tact. This indicates a good upbringing, knowledge of the rules of society. It is not difficult to develop this trait, it is enough to familiarize yourself with the rules of etiquette, to observe the positive examples of secular people.

• Self-criticism.

The ability to play a joke on oneself characterizes a person as a mature, self-confident person. This trait helps to delight and charm others. Do not confuse the concepts of "play a joke" and "make fun." The last option will serve as an occasion for ridicule.

• Sociability.

A charismatic person loves and knows how to communicate, which obliges to be talkative. However, excessive talkativeness irritates the interlocutor and causes a desire to avoid subsequent meetings.

• Honesty.

Gaining charisma, captivating society does not mean that you need to meet its expectations or, conversely, neglect moral and ethical rules. Confident upholding of one's own position, rights, struggle for justice is what is characteristic of charismatic people. The main thing is to have a sufficient number of arguments, to reasonably assess the current situation.

The first clue that will give the right direction on how to develop charisma can be obtained by observing people with a twist. You should not accurately adopt or copy their demeanor, style of dress or lifestyle. However, it will be useful to take a closer look at what distinguishes them from other people and what causes interest.

Every person has an individuality inherent in nature. It is necessary to develop abilities, talents, to become interesting for oneself and society, to emphasize the features of appearance and character, to engage in self-improvement, mastering new skills.

Calm people need to increase their energy level, recharge with positive emotions, learn to show and give them to others, and take an active position in society. You should not radically change your worldview, but trying to get out of the shadows and declare yourself will not hurt. Active people are encouraged to direct the flow of energy in a positive direction. Remaining with your own opinion, reckon with the position of others. Be true to yourself without hurting the interests of others.

Charisma means a certain, unique style in clothing preferences, individuality, non-standard thinking, special manners and a clear personal position. The combination of these components creates an interesting, outstanding personality. Such people attract attention, often become the soul of the company. To be a charismatic person, it is not enough to imitate inherent traits, one must actually possess them. It is not difficult to develop the above qualities, it is only necessary to determine what the individuality of a particular person is.

Charisma is the ability to win over any people, to attract views and attention, to force oneself to listen and admire. Charisma is not only an attractive appearance, it is something more. I want to be equal to a charismatic person, to imitate him. Some have been given this property since birth, and they are definitely lucky. But if you are not one of these people, do not despair - charisma can be developed in yourself on your own. Of course, this requires a lot of effort and time. However, the result will please you - having charisma, you can easily enter into the relationships you need with people, make contacts and just communicate with people you are interested in. Charisma will help both in business relationships and in personal ones.

Show confidence

It is always more pleasant to be with such people than with those who doubt their every step. Self-confidence will not completely replace having charisma, but it can make it more “persuasive”. Here the question immediately arises: how to develop self-confidence, if it is not? On this topic, you can write a separate article, and more than one. For now, let's talk about the most general recommendations.

1) Radiate positivity. Self-confident people love themselves (within adequate limits) and what they do. Therefore, they have no reason to show negativity towards other people or phenomena. A self-confident person will never start a conversation (let alone meeting a new person) with claims, discontent or conflict. We are talking about the negative in general, both in relation to the interlocutor, and to strangers or events. Talk more about things you love and respect. It is better to remain silent about hatred, irritation and criticism.

2). You must learn to convey your thoughts in such a way that those around you can easily believe. Your voice should not be monotonous - change the rhythm, timbre, volume level. Add emotional coloring, highlight the most important phrases in your story with intonation. Useful exercise: record how you talk on a voice recorder. Listening to the recording, you will notice shortcomings in your speech that you did not pay attention to before, and gradually eliminate them.

3) Like yourself. If a person does not like something in himself, he cannot be sure. And putting on a mask of confidence is also not for everyone, and is it necessary? Everyone has their shortcomings, for which we do not love ourselves or reproach ourselves. And it will eat away all our confidence. Fight shortcomings, and emphasize advantages. Love yourself both externally (put your figure in order, dress in beautiful clothes) and internally (follow your life principles in any situation).

Watch your body language

Psychologists have long established that we perceive most of the information received from the interlocutor through his non-verbal behavior. Nonverbalics will tell a lot more about a person than his words. Of course, the most “honest” body language is the one that comes from a person unconsciously. But since you undertook to develop charisma in yourself, then you also need to correct your body language.

1) Always keep your back straight. Enter the premises with a bold, decisive step. When speaking, gesticulate with your hands, helping yourself to better convey the words spoken to your interlocutor. Avoid crossing your arms or legs while sitting. This posture will signal your closeness. Also try to keep your hands away from your face.

2) When you meet a new person, readily shake his hand and smile, look straight into his eyes. If you are talking while standing, then do not shift from one foot to the other; if you are sitting, do not fidget in your chair. Try to be light and casual.

3) Copy gestures and other non-verbal signs of your interlocutor. Just do it very carefully, almost imperceptibly. The point is that a person who does not speak very loudly and with restraint will be more comfortable communicating with the same interlocutor. Someone who gesticulates a lot and smiles broadly is more likely to like the same active and friendly person.

4) When talking, always show your interest. Look directly into the eyes of the interlocutor, and not to the sides. If you look at your watch or your phone, it will mean that you are bored and uninterested in communicating with this person.

5) Sit in front of a mirror and start a conversation with yourself. It doesn't matter what you say. Take some time to watch your gestures and facial expressions. Looking at yourself from the outside, you will understand what points need to be finalized. Improve in front of the mirror until the person you see in it becomes the most charismatic and charming person in the world for you.

Make people feel comfortable around you

The best way to do this is to let the person you're talking to know they're special and interesting. A charismatic person is one who can easily start a conversation on any topic with everyone and charm with his charm.

1) Feel yourself on a par with the interlocutor. No matter who you're talking to—or your teenage nephew—always put yourself on the same level as the other person. That is, you should not show that you are lower or higher in status. If you divide people by status, rank or any characteristics, then they will do the same to you. And in such conditions, it is unlikely to feel freedom in communication.

2) Ask people about their lives, but do it sincerely. Don't be too intrusive. You must understand what question is convenient and not to ask a particular person. You will not ask a woman who recently lost her husband about how she lives alone? This will just be an uncomfortable question, and not a manifestation of interest. To make sure you don't get into trouble, ask people about what they are already telling everyone about. For example, an old woman who talks incessantly about her wonderful grandchildren, your question about where they study and what they can do will only be a joy. And you will get a plus sign to charisma.

3) Use active listening. When someone tells you a story or shares their experience, occasionally nod in agreement, say “you’re right,” “of course,” “I understand,” and ask clarifying questions. All this will let the interlocutor understand that you are really interested in listening to him.

4) Address people by their first names. Firstly, for each person, his name is the most pleasant sound combination of all existing ones. Secondly, by constantly repeating the name of your new acquaintance, you will not allow that at the wrong moment his name will be forgotten.

5) If you give a compliment, then do it sincerely. A compliment for the sake of a compliment runs the risk of looking like flattery. Nobody likes flattery. If you want to make a person pleasant, find in him what you really like, and voice it. So the compliment will look natural and not fake. If they say a compliment to you, then you don’t need to look down in embarrassment, or say “what are you doing.” Accept compliments with honor and a restrained but open smile.

Show a sense of humor

The ability to make other people laugh or make them smile is a mandatory attribute of charisma.

1) Laugh at yourself, but in moderation. A person who knows how to laugh at himself is a truly self-confident person. But do it without fanaticism - you don’t need to specifically talk about your mistakes so that others can laugh at you.

2) Joke carefully. Everyone's sense of humor is different. You must be able to catch the wave of the interlocutor and tune in to it. The kind of jokes you might tell your old college friend you wouldn't tell a strict boss. Joking in a big company, you also need to follow certain limits. If the company is "motley" (people of different age, status, etc.), then it is better to stick to restrained neutral jokes.

3) Don't joke too much. It is better to joke once a night, but so witty that this joke will then be remembered and quoted, than a mediocre joke every 5 minutes.

Become an interesting person

Showing respect for others is good. But you need to make sure that they show interest in you.

1) Diversify. A charismatic person will always be able to keep up the conversation on any topic. You don't have to be an expert in everything, and you won't. Read books on various topics, modern periodicals, follow the latest news. And then you can keep up the conversation on the topic of auto mechanics and contemporary artists.

2) Be an enthusiastic person. You should have a hobby - something that you are passionate about, or one or several topics that you are well versed in. And you should be able to talk about your hobby in an interesting and even recklessly way. Your passion for something will make you an interesting person for others.

3) If you have nothing to say, be silent. Words spoken just for the sake of not being silent will not add to your attractiveness. Say only what you really want to say to the person here and now.

4) Express your emotions openly. Emotionality can interfere with communication, but also help it. If you are an overly excitable person, then you need to control your emotions so as not to put yourself or your interlocutor in an uncomfortable position. But charismatic and unemotional are incompatible things. A charismatic person will openly express what he feels at a particular moment - joy, anger, delight, sadness. But when you do this, you must evaluate the situation in which you are and manage the level of your emotional manifestations.

If you can harmoniously embody all these tips in yourself, you will become a truly charismatic person. But remember that charisma is a very subtle thing, and it may not succumb to you right away. Become an exemplary student for yourself, and gradually learn the correct body language, develop self-confidence, a sense of humor and tact, develop as a person. And then they will say about you: “He is so charismatic!”

How to become a charismatic girl and how to develop charisma in yourself - tips, recommendations and discussions on the topic from the online magazine "site"

Every woman dreams of being pretty, pleasant in communication and attractive to other people. But is everyone naturally given that unique charm, the “sparkle” that fascinates men and evokes sincere sympathy from other people? And how can you develop charisma in yourself?

Girls and women - how to develop charisma?

What is charisma

What is charisma? In ancient Greek culture, there is a myth about the gods of the Charites, who were very beautiful, graceful and cheerful. In the Christian interpretation, charisma is a “sparkle of God”, a special gift that makes a seemingly ordinary person inexplicably attractive to others. This is the very X-factor that allows a person to convince others that he is right and lead them along.

Of course, every woman has her own “zest”, originality. But not everyone can lead, charm, evoke sympathy and achieve her goal with charm alone. But today it is useful for a woman to have her own bright charisma even in the field of business and career. And it is quite possible to develop it in yourself.

Leadership skills

So, all people with charisma are leaders by nature. They can never mindlessly follow the crowd. Rather, others follow them. With a look, a gesture, a manner of communication, they attract people and influence them without any pressure or influence by authority.

To develop leadership qualities , you need to learn only three things: responsibility, courage and faith in yourself and others.

Optimism

A dull, boring and always aching person will never be attractive to others. People love to follow those who are able to inspire them, give them strength and inspire hope. Therefore, for those who dream today to develop charisma in themselves, it is very important to get rid of irritability and pessimism forever.

It is enough just to understand for yourself that all mistakes are the most valuable experience, all problems are a new round of development, and you can overcome any difficulties only with enthusiasm and faith in yourself, and certainly not with depression.

Sociability

For some reason, many women misunderstand the concept of "sociable person", believing that we are talking about an overly talkative, cheerful interlocutor. But sometimes excessive female talkativeness has nothing to do with such a valuable and attractive trait as the ability to communicate. The essence of communication skills is the ability to hear and listen, to be a pleasant conversationalist and even to some extent a talented speaker.

Communication skills - this is the ability to understand, feel a person and in a certain way influence him with a word. All this can be learned both at psychological trainings, and simply by watching people who are pleasant in communication - what gestures do they have, whether they look into the eyes; try to get to the bottom of why it is easy and comfortable to communicate with some friends, while talking with others is a burden. And to adopt the discovered “good” communication techniques.

"correct" reading

Clever, interesting books contribute to the development of the “spark” in oneself, no matter if it is a classic or contemporaries. The main thing is not to “swallow” everything in a row, not to clog your own brain with cheap tabloid novels and low-grade creations. It is also better to avoid books that are too sad, which leave a residue and hostility towards a certain circle of people. After all, the truth is known: a person consists of books that he has read in his life.

Unusual but beautiful hobby

Any unusual hobby helps to manifest charisma. New interesting skills and knowledge always give charm and even a certain charm to a modern woman. Therefore, it is quite possible to complete barista courses and learn how to draw beautiful hearts on coffee foam, learn some interesting language (for example, the language of the deaf and dumb), learn how to cook delicious pink biscuits or do carving - exquisite painting on fruits.

Freedom of thought

All great historical figures , who led thousands of people with their charisma alone, always thought freely. They were not captive to the taboos and prejudices of society, and therefore they were able to achieve the incredible: Jeanne d'Arc, Moses, Alexander the Great .. Their goals had no boundaries, and therefore there were no barriers for them ... They were not afraid to dream, were not afraid to live and did not allow themselves to be driven into any framework. So George Sand (Aurora Dudevant in the world) became a famous French writer, and at that time only men were allowed to publish. So the diva of Orleans led the whole army, and she was not hindered by a scythe and prejudice. So is Oprah Winfrey - the first woman in history to have her own talk show, regardless of her origin, skin color and gender.

After all, the most important condition for the development of charisma in oneself is courage. It is not difficult to develop charisma in yourself - a little courage, optimism, self-love - and everything will work out!

Men consider charismatics to be great guys and good friends. Girls go crazy for charismatics and fall in love to unconsciousness.

“Charisma, colleague, this is not horseradish, this is a reflection of the spark of God in eyes dull from everyday life, THIS should light up” Maxim Ivanovich Malyavin

There are people who make us feel good. They are always happy, appreciate and understand us. They are caring, sensitive and reliable. They are cheerful, positive and open. These are charismatic people. It's time for you to develop charisma!

More positive

“Charisma is a spark in a person that money cannot buy. It is an invisible energy with a visible effect.” Marianne Williamson

Be open and positive. Think celebrities Gerard Butler, Ryan Gosling, Matthew McConaughey or Justin Timberlake. They look like good, friendly and positive friends in almost any role and image. With them you want to go drink beer or chat about life. They are full of life and radiate benevolence.

More hospitality and simplicity. Strike with an infectious smile on the spot. Laugh more. Don't be too cynical, sarcastic, caustic or angry. Give people positive vibes. Be incredibly happy and charismatic.

More friendliness

Did you ever feel like you've known a stranger for a hundred years? It's an invisible emotional connection.

How to establish an emotional connection with the interlocutor? Be more simple. Treat the person like an old friend. Let go of your anxiety and open up. Show all your friendliness, share emotions, share your attitude, tell a little about yourself, take an interest in the affairs of the interlocutor.

More humor

Charismatics use humor as a weapon. Don't be afraid to look a little stupid or ridiculous. A sense of humor is considered a good foundation for friendship and love relationships. Humor helps people feel better.

More concentration

Create the effect of presence. People love to feel like they're the center of attention. Let the person know that he is important and interesting to you. Concentrate on the people you want to like.

More life

“Charismatics are extraordinary people. From them emanates an aroma of adventure and risk, which is very attractive to those who are bored with life." Robert Greene

Charismatic people don't like to be discouraged. They look for positive emotions in any situation. They are always a little friendlier, more cheerful and smiling than the people around them. Charismatics are charged with energy and inner drive. They have an energetic gait, a firm look, confident movements and graceful gestures.

You will not learn to control charisma instantly, but one day you will become a little different. You will have more friends, girls and good luck. And the merit will be in the revealed charisma.

Tuesday evening. I'm at the hairdresser's. Everything is as usual: shorter on the side, shorter on the back - and very uncomfortable inside. Dead silence, broken only by the clicking of scissors. It's not the hairdresser's fault, he's already covered all the usual topics (my hair, my weekend plans, what I'll be doing on holidays). Now the ball goes to me. What to do?

What is charisma? Obviously not the quality that could be suspected of me. But who do you need to be to be told about you: “Yes, this guy is special”? Can charisma be learned? Next to me sits the one who thinks: yes, you can. His name is Danish Sheikh and he is a charisma coach. His clients include executives from Yahoo and the BBC, whom he trained in the art of gaining self-confidence and "personal attraction." The Sheikh is confident that he can turn anyone into George Clooney or Brigitte Bardot. And I will be his student for two days.

I sit in my chair, choosing where else to turn the conversation. It seems easy: I'm pretty smart, I understand music and sports, I'm up to date with the latest news. In short, there are thousands of options. “What about you? I finally squeeze out. “Are you going somewhere for the holidays?”

In the mirror, I see the Sheikh wince.

- Starting from the basics, charisma is the ability to win over people solely through the strength of your personality. It's hard to put a price on that skill, he says, although he's actually already done so: £150 an hour to be exact. And many are ready to part with them.

Being attractive isn't easy

Why is charisma such an important thing? Ask Richard Reed, a British cognitive psychotherapist who - far from a timid himself - calls himself "Mr. Charisma." Reed specializes in different areas - addiction, depression, crisis management - but in 2009 he was one of the first in the UK to start teaching courses on developing charisma. Since then, his clients have included the London Transport Department, the National Crime Prevention Agency and Google.

Those who lack the proverbial EQ rely on instructions. And those who have it rely on their influence

“These organizations are no longer looking for managers,” he says. - They need leaders. And being a leader means being emotionally intelligent. Essentially, that's what charisma is."

Those lacking the proverbial EQ rely on instructions, Reed says. And those who have it rely on their influence. “If you learn to win over people, you will open up more opportunities for yourself. Plus, you will have more fun with everything - parties, interviews, communication with colleagues and friends.

Someone who, but I'm definitely not one of those whom nature has endowed with the gift of charm. Rather, I balance somewhere on the verge between clumsiness and arrogance, where the second is a way to overcome the first. But I'm 33 years old, and I'm beginning to suspect that awkwardness has finally won.

Some time ago I wrote a column for the local newspaper and the column was quite popular. But when readers met me in person, I felt that they were disappointed. One of them said: "It's strange - your articles are written with a twinkle, but I don't feel it in you." I understand it, but I don't know what to do with myself.

The new leader is a charismatic leader

Dr. Eric Matser is a neuropsychologist who has worked with Chelsea Football Club and the Dutch Olympic swimming team, specializing in talent optimization. “Few people are really comfortable with being themselves,” he told me. − For everyone else, charisma training can help. It is your right to want to be the best version of yourself, but you may need help. The development of personal potential is too difficult a task to solve alone.”

Meanwhile, my coach Sheikh is just self-taught. Born in India, he was a nerdy teenager, then head of operations at Yahoo. He fretted over his inability to make friends and spent ten years studying the psychology and neurology of everyday communication. Eventually, in his nearly 30 years, he turned into a full-time guru.

My first impression of him is yes, handsome, but, frankly, his charisma is not outrageous. “But you liked me,” he retorts. “So our relationship started on a positive note.” I had nothing to cover.

His first impression of me was more ruthless. He said this the morning after his visit to the barbershop. Prior to that, he walked with me everywhere all day, watched how I talk, how I behave. He summarized his observations in his office, on the blackboard. Not the most pleasant reading. But, as I was told, “only by admitting our weaknesses can we confront them.”

We can develop, practice and improve the methods and subconscious skills of interpersonal communication

So, here's what happened: I find it difficult to start and maintain a conversation; I don't look confident enough when I walk into a room; I have a closed body language; I don't look people in the eye because I perceive eye contact as an invasion of personal space. Unless I'm talking about topics that I'm interested in (football, literature, 19th-century history, or British railways), I speak languidly, without enthusiasm.

“But don't worry,” the Sheikh encourages me. "We'll fix it all."

Natural gift or years of training?

The Sheikh's classes are based on the idea that we can develop, practice and improve the methods and subconscious skills of interpersonal communication. I think of the most charismatic people I know: did they win people over with methodical training? I think of Martin, my friend, a great journalist who is 30 years older than me. He always looks solid, but with a share of ease. It does not look out of place in any situation. And most importantly, it seems that he does not at all try to create an image for himself.

I met with Martin and asked him: did he really achieve this through conscious work on himself? “I guess I just listened more than others,” my friend shrugged. “But I don’t think that it needs to be specially studied.”

I began to tell him about my charisma lessons. He nodded, asking questions. Finally I asked him what he thought of it. “Complete bullshit,” he snapped. “Shall we crush another mug?”

By showing interest in people, you make them feel important: they will then associate this feeling with you.

Until recently, I thought that charisma is a nice addition to a public image, but not something necessary. I didn't need charisma to get the traditional benefits: a partner, a home, a job that I quite enjoy. When I called the Sheikh, I was driven by pure curiosity. I wanted to understand why the quality, which was first talked about by the ancient Greeks, suddenly became an indispensable attribute of success in the 21st century.

Perhaps, with her help, I would have got a dream job, would have been the soul of the company, instead of painfully thinking how to keep the conversation going.

“Showing interest in people, you make them feel significant: then they will associate this feeling with you. If you're distracted even for a minute, people catch it in a split second,” Sheikh explains. - Concentrate all your attention on the person in front of you - and he will be grateful. It doesn't matter where you are - in your porch or backstage at a Rolling Stones concert. If you are currently talking to a janitor, your attention should be given to him.”

We are learning the "enter the room" exercise: chin up, shoulders back, eye contact ("don't look too long, 4 seconds max, then break"), gestures ("sparingly"). Same with the voice: don't speak too fast or too slow; change the tempo to keep the listener's attention. Good posture, a strong voice and an open stance mean power.

Be yourself?

It's time for practice. Worldly chatter. Sheikh advises to keep the conversation in a semi-serious tone, to speak expressively, to ask open-ended questions. He transforms into my hairdresser, then into a production editor, then into a stranger at a party ... Not once, I must say, did I have to resort to the unfortunate question about plans for the weekend.

The Sheikh gives an exercise to develop awareness: he teaches you to be in the present moment, completely on the interlocutor. His personal secret: if he feels himself getting distracted, he takes off his glasses and wipes them down. This action, he says, makes him pull himself together. When he talks about this trick, I admire its simplicity. Later, over coffee, telling my best anecdote, I noticed that he began to wipe his glasses.

I meet the Shaykh at the last class - at the exam, if you like. We go for spontaneous acquaintances on the street. So far so good: we manage to captivate people. In a bar, a physics graduate talks about black holes, and a truck driver admits that he will be in Arbrow at the same time tomorrow. “Beautiful city,” I say, trying not to sound artificial in my voice. "You were there?" he asks in surprise. I pause and consider my answer options. “No,” I say after a moment. "But I'm sure it's a wonderful place."

During the breaks, the Shaykh gives advice: “Don't cross your arms; Maintain eye contact with everyone in turn while talking. Remembering everything—hands, eyes, active listening—is hard work. Finally, feeling that I won't last long, I clutch at straws: I tell a couple of people about my charisma development courses. And immediately the conversation revives. “I don’t need this,” the guy across from me says. - Being charismatic is just being yourself. No tricks."

Perhaps charisma is inherently simpler than we think. It's about better understanding what you are

This goes against everything I've set my mind to over the past two days. Changing all your behavior in order to learn to please others - isn't that the opposite of what is called "being yourself"? And what if, in trying to become someone else, I lose something more important - more important than the (presumably) newfound charm? Maybe it's not that I missed some opportunities? Maybe my authentic "I" never aspired to them?

I share my thoughts with the Sheikh, who already has an answer. “You exchanged contacts with this guy,” he recalls. - This is a contact built on mutual sympathy. This is exactly what charisma is for. This means that your training was no longer in vain.

Do I feel like I've changed? Not really. I will never pose like a gorilla or admire Scottish cities that I can't find on a map. But perhaps charisma is inherently simpler than we think. It's about better understanding who you are.

As we left the bar, the Sheikh and I shook hands before parting ways. Then he calls me from across the street, "Hey, let me know how your next haircut went." He raises his hand, thumb up, apparently wanting to send me a parting shot of his charisma. Still, I like him.