People manipulators psychology. Secrets of a manipulator: how to protect yourself Who do people consider themselves to be manipulators

Manipulator (psychology)

Manipulation is a series of methods of influencing people, a kind of psychological violence in order to get from them the behavior necessary for their goals. The manipulator puts people in difficult circumstances in order to obtain for themselves this or that benefit or advantage and other personal goals. As a result of aggressive manipulation, a person often loses the ability to control circumstances and express himself directly and directly, the freedom of a person and his legal rights are infringed. The manipulator often cannot afford to be sincere and natural, as this dramatically reduces his chances of achieving such a desired hidden advantage, so he can resort to imitation of the sincerity of relationships or theatricality, deliberate pretense of behavior towards his victim.

Political manipulation- this is a type of psychological influence, the skillful execution of which leads to a hidden excitation in another person of intentions that do not coincide with his actually existing desires using certain potential needs of an individual or group of people. Expressed in the language of the theory of mass communications, the manipulation of an individual involves the substitution of the interests of the recipient by the interests of the communicant. As a result the individual begins to perceive the interests inspired by him as his own. Thus, the person becomes part of the "psychological crowd".

Psychological features of the manipulator

A predisposition to manipulation is characteristic of the so-called neurotic personality. One of the needs of the neurotic is the need for dominance, the possession of power. Karen Horney believes that the obsessive desire to dominate gives rise to "the inability of a person to establish equal relations. If he does not become a leader, he feels completely lost, dependent and helpless. He is so powerful that everything that goes beyond his power is perceived by him as his own submission." It is not only their object that suffers from manipulation. The manipulator is also a victim of his life attitude. He believes that "manipulation is a pseudo-philosophy of life aimed at exploiting and controlling both oneself and others."

The psychological essence of manipulation

The psychological essence of manipulation is in the exploitation of human emotions. Why were religious wars the most merciless, why was it most difficult to resolve national conflicts? Because religious and national feelings affect the deep layers of the human psyche. A person who succeeds in kindling the flame of religious fanaticism or national extremism is capable of anything. Passions are orators whose arguments are very persuasive. When the fire of passions spreads to entire nations, there comes a freedom for manipulations and manipulators.

In manipulation, the external meaning of words and actions in relation to another person does not coincide with the internal meaning. The person who is being manipulated does what his communication partner needs, as if choosing it himself. The benefits of manipulation can be not only material, but also psychological: increased attention of significant people, increased self-esteem, the acquisition of higher authority and respect, etc.

The manipulator uses psychologically vulnerable features of a person - character traits, habits, desires, as well as his dignity, that is, everything that can work automatically, without conscious analysis. Such an impact is often reinforced by special techniques that increase the overall "compliance" of the partner.

Psychological features of political manipulations

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In modern conditions, a manipulator is opposed to the kind and honest. Initially, the meaning of the word "manipulation" had a positive meaning and was synonymous with the concept of "management". Both words were perceived as equal and acted as a link in the harmless interaction of a person with something: with another person, equipment, devices, etc. Now psychology gives a different definition to this concept and explains what a manipulator is.

A manipulator is a person who consciously or unconsciously controls the actions of other people, through the use of psychological techniques, forces them to perform actions that are beneficial to themselves.

Main features

You can recognize a true manipulator by its inherent features. Characteristics of a manipulator:

• A real manipulator is cynical about people around him, even those closest to him. He is distrustful, suspicious, looking for a catch everywhere, skeptical about the disinterested actions of other people, scoffs at those who do good deeds, reproaches acquaintances for excessive naivety and carelessness. The manipulator is always in a state of expectation of a "stab in the back", so it is very difficult for him to relax.
• By their nature, such individuals are deceitful and hypocritical. They know how and love to put on "masks", skillfully change social roles depending on the benefits, imitate different emotions and feelings, enjoy posturing and demonstrative behavior. Such addictions destroy the unique nature of the manipulator, he ceases to be himself and loses the ability to experience real emotions and feelings, becomes only a reflection of other people.
• The one who constantly controls everything and everyone, unconsciously becomes a manipulator. Such a person imagines the whole world as a big chessboard on which there are no colors but black and white. In order not to suddenly find yourself under the threat of attack, you need to regularly check your acquaintances. Paranoia becomes the companion of a true manipulator. He also believes that the best way to defend is to attack, so he can develop strategies to "eliminate" stronger opponents and competitors.
• Claiming to be an unconscious connoisseur of manipulation is basically a lost person in life. He is often bored, and life goals are amorphous and unattainable. A manipulator can be compared to a capricious child who wants something, but does not know why. The best characteristic of this personality type is a player who does not see the point in many of his actions, but enjoys the very process of manipulation. Young children are the biggest manipulators.

Such properties are rarely found in one person, moreover, all people sometimes lie, control something or someone, show cynicism or lose their life orientation.

The listed signs of a manipulator are a reference image that you should be guided by when meeting with the alleged "player". The presence of at least one criterion in a new acquaintance gives a good reason to think and be careful when interacting with him.

There are several types of manipulator that should be considered separately.

Main types

The typology developed by E. Shostrom includes 8 types, which can be divided into 4 polar pairs. They are all manipulative people. The characteristics of these manipulative personalities are presented below.

The dictator is a rag

These are 2 opposite types of manipulators that can complement each other perfectly and influence each other in different ways.

If the “dictator” manipulates others with the help of physical and verbal force, communicates in an orderly tone and fancies himself a great authority, then the “rag” likes to feel like a victim and increase sensuality. The latter is able to control others through passive silence, resentment, crying and tantrums.

Calculator - stuck

In the first, the mania of comprehensive control prevails, which extends to all the people around him and spheres of life. In an effort to calculate everything and outwit everyone, he uses all possible vile and dishonest methods: direct and indirect deceit, blackmail, feigned flattery, etc.

Hooligan is a nice guy

In the 1st case, the manipulator behaves like a real bully and achieves the desired aggression, hostility and threats. He reinforces his ego with other people's insults and humiliation.

In the 2nd, he shows care and attention to others, so it is difficult for such a manipulator to refuse and you have to fulfill all his “requests”.

These 2 different ways of manipulation have a common source - exaggerated egoism. If the manifestation of selfishness in the case of the “Hooligan” is understandable, then the “Nice Guy” uses it differently - through altruism, which is why he often reproaches others for ingratitude and unresponsiveness.

Judge - defender

The 1st manages with the help of increased criticality, always notices someone's shortcomings and shortcomings in the work, and the 2nd is condescending to other people's mistakes and miscalculations.

If a meeting with the 1st type of manipulator is fraught with a critical assessment, accusation, or even denunciation, then interaction with the 2nd type is dangerous for the loss of independence and the inability to really look at things, the inability to get out of a problem situation without outside help.

"Defenders" are much more dangerous than "Judges", because the 1st make the victim dependent and prevent them from getting on their feet.

According to Shostrom's typology, manipulators are those people who achieve their goals in a variety of ways.

These are physical and verbal aggression, crying and tantrums, increased control and co-dependent behavior, critical assessment and threats, as well as increased care and overprotection.

The presented types of manipulators unconsciously attract radically opposite manipulators, this gives rise to unhealthy, but stable relationships.

Having become familiar with the known characteristics of manipulators, you can familiarize yourself with the usual techniques of influence in order to protect yourself and no longer be led by them.

Basic Techniques

Different types of manipulators use different methods of influencing others to achieve their goals.

10 main ways to influence a person:

• The metaframe lies in an unjustified generalization. Manipulators often use the following phrases in their accusations: “You never…”, “You always…”, “You every time…”, etc. Such an exaggeration unsettles, and one has to make concessions.
• Override. Anyone who diverts attention to a third-party object can already be considered a manipulator. The class teacher asks the student why he was not at the 1st lesson, to which he replies: “Why didn’t you teach our last lesson yesterday? You were at school!
• The decline consists of a positive thesis and a rebuttal. For example, a candidate for an important position says in a debate to his opponent: “Your strategy has support,” and then completes his statement: “But only from those who do not understand politics!”. The opponent is humiliated and feels uncomfortable.
• Request with non-verbal reinforcement. Even before someone's request was made, the victim of manipulation had already agreed to fulfill it without proper reflection. The schoolboy asks his neighbor on the desk to write off and even before he finishes his statement, he takes the notebook with the solved problem from her. The schoolgirl cannot refuse because the action has already been taken.
• Template break. This method of manipulation consists in rudely transferring the conversation to another topic. To the dissatisfaction of the wife about the absence of her husband last night, he will answer: “Can you imagine, they raised my salary!”.
• Counter argument. An excellent weapon that is often used by Rag-type manipulators. It works according to the following scheme: the victim of manipulation causes a provocation, the manipulator responds, but adds a rebuke that makes you justify or feel guilty. A husband comes home from work and accuses his wife of not washing the dishes and not having dinner ready. The manipulative wife replies: “Oh, so, am I a cook and a dishwasher for you?” A scene of crying or hysteria can reinforce the manipulation.
• Killing was used at least once by every person, even in domestic disputes. The point is that the manipulator, in the absence of a worthy argument, “gets personal” and criticizes the opponent, and not his words or the result of the work. The politician accuses his opponent of wasting the state budget, to which he declares: “Don't you steal? Everyone can see what kind of car you drive!”. Thanks to this, the discussion will turn into a verbal skirmish, and the topic of the conversation will be forgotten.
• Two step request. The reception consists in a statement, which consists of 2 consecutive theses. The father says to his son: "Here's some money for ice cream, but you'll get it only after you've done your homework." The child perceives both parts of the statement as causal and it seems to him that failure to comply with the second thesis will lead to sanctions, i.e. he will not receive pocket money.
• The imperative of negative intentions is expressed in successive verbal attacks on the opponent, in connection with which the latter is driven into a corner and constantly justified, and the essence of the dialogue is gradually lost, which is beneficial to the manipulator.
• Adjustment. The point is to literally repeat the phrase of the interlocutor, and then answer. This will make the opponent succumb to manipulation, because the 1st part of the phrase is his words. A stubborn employee does not agree to work overtime, to which his immediate supervisor appeals: “Are you saying that you do not want to go to work on Saturday? But it's necessary, so it's necessary."

A manipulator is a person who gets things done using a variety of techniques: metaframe, redefinition, lowering, requesting with non-verbal reinforcement, pattern breaking, counterargument, killing, two-step request, negative intention imperative, and adjustment.

Knowing these techniques will help protect yourself from the influence of a manipulator. Psychology offers many ways to protect against manipulation, but the most effective will be a direct refusal to fulfill an unpleasant request or ignoring the attacks of a grumpy manipulator.

In the modern world, a manipulator is a person who is obsessed with the idea of ​​​​complete control over his environment. It has characteristic behavioral features that are easy to recognize.

Concept definition

Manipulator constantly improves himself and his methods of influence. His desire to learn the secrets of nature and internal structure is motivated by one goal - control and management of others. The main fear is the disclosure of his feelings to any person. They live with the stigma of protecting and hiding the truth about their feelings from everyone.

Manipulators live in a paradox. They are unable to use the opportunities to their full potential.

Instead of sincere joy from such a person, you will only get a mean smile. It can be compared to an automaton that cares only about one thing - to avoid responsibility for their actions and mistakes. The search for the guilty sometimes cuts off the oxygen of the opportunity to get everything from life.

Main features

It is easy to recognize by a number of features in behavior. Modern masters of psychological practices can easily determine whether the person in front of them is prone to excessive manipulation or not.

At the moment, the following features of the manipulator are highlighted:

• Superficial level of erudition.
• Acute dependence on the need to manage.
• Showing a strong interest in psychotherapy and psychology.

Every person at least once met such an individual who quotes Shakespeare as soon as the opportunity is given. This is a very clear example of superficial level erudition. Such a person may know only 2 or 3 works of a British writer, but by heart. This is done for one purpose - to pick up a person, so that later they can be controlled. Such people collect fragments of life, creating an arsenal for the right impression.

The 2nd key characteristic of any manipulator is an obsession with control. These people are hostages to the need to be at the helm. There is another paradox of manipulators - the more they strive to control, the greater the desire to be controlled.

Situations in which the manipulator plunges headlong into the jungle of psychology or psychotherapy are frequent. This industry allows them to gain knowledge of terms and concepts and proudly retire to the expanse of dissatisfaction with themselves. The theories learned become a justification for their behavior, which cannot be called satisfactory. Assimilated concepts allow you to find an explanation for the fact that the individual refuses to help.

The manipulator uses the phrases "I can't help you because I'm an introvert", etc.

Main varieties

Depending on the characteristics of behavior, certain types of manipulators are distinguished. Each of them is easily recognizable.

There are 8 varieties in total:

• Dictator.
• Calculator.
• Hooligan.
• Referee.
• Rag.
• Sticky.
• Good guy.
• Defender.

Each of these varieties is easily recognized by those who communicate with the manipulator. The manner of behavior in relation to others betrays him even to those who do not have the skills and knowledge of a highly qualified psychologist.

Dictator

Such people exaggerate their power. Habitual phenomena for them are orders, domination, citing authoritative personalities. They do everything in order to gain complete control over the actions of others.

Calculator

It differs from the masses by an exaggerated need to control everything that happens. Personality tends to lie, evade. This type of manipulator usually tries to outsmart and double-check everyone at the same time.

Hooligan

The most aggressive type of manipulator. His hallmark is exaggerated cruelty and malevolence. Such an individual controls with the help of various threats. In modern science there is a classification of this type into several subgroups. They are known as the Insult, the Hater, the Gangster, the Threatener. This is the only type of manipulator in which the female counterpart is separated into a separate subtype, called the Grumpy Woman, and popularly called the Saw.

Referee

It stands out for its exaggerated criticality. The personality does not trust anyone, is ready to find an accusation against any person. A representative of this species is difficult to forgive others.

Rag

The opposite of Dictator. Most often, people with the Rag type become victims of strong Dictators. Despite this, the Rags have great skill in dealing with their opposites in the right way.

A distinctive feature is the exaggeration of one's sensitivity. Most often, the techniques of passive silence, forgetting information, and deafness are used.

Sticky

It is the opposite of Calculator. He spends all his energy on exaggerating his dependence. His main task is to become the object of care, quietly get others to do the work for him.

Good guy

Antipode Hooligans. A collision with this type of manipulator is more deplorable than with others. Operating with courtesy, caring and kindness, he disarms his environment and gradually begins to kill with virtue.

Defender

Antipode Judge. The main feature is an exaggeration of a condescending attitude towards mistakes. His exaggerated sympathy and craving for help spoils those around him, preventing them from being guided by their own strengths. Such a person will continue to attend to the needs of others instead of minding his own business.

Reasons for influence

The need to play with others doesn't just happen. The main factors that push a person to manipulation are hidden in the depths of his personality and fears.

• The reason for the manipulation is in the conflict of the inner facets of the personality. A person should feel support both in himself and in the external environment.
• Normal relationship. They involve love, as well as knowing the partner and fully accepting his essence.
• Fear of risk and the unknown. The individual is helpless when faced with a problem.
• Fear of establishing a close bond between personalities.
• The reason why there is a need for manipulation is that a person needs to get approval from the environment.

A manipulator is a person who is afraid of intimacy in interaction and predicaments. Their attitude to the environment, even the closest, often has a ritual character. Passive manipulator - a person who avoids honesty towards others, but tries to please everyone and everyone. He builds his life, guided by false axioms.

The individual who is such often says, "If I can't control everything, I won't control anything."

Basic principles

Unlike others, the lifestyle of a manipulator is based on the following principles:

• Lie.
• Unconsciousness.
• Control.
• Cynicism.

These basic contrasting personality characteristics model his behavior. And it has an impact on the construction of thinking and relationships. Acting according to these principles, such individuals, with the help of their roles, masks and comedies, manipulate a woman, a man, a colleague, and sometimes even a boss. Because of the distrust of others, much of life is focused on shielding yourself from close contact and emotional connection. They are sure that it is enough to pull this or that thread in order to establish a superficial connection with the individual and use him to achieve their goals and satisfy needs.

Conclusion

The meaning of the word manipulator is clear and without much deepening into science. Manipulators are people who protect themselves from society. The meaning of manipulation is to control others, their actions, thoughts and feelings, without showing internal resources.

Manipulators can choose different masks depending on the situation. And so it becomes even more difficult to recognize manipulators. However, as soon as you start behaving differently from what was intended, he immediately changes his behavior! He becomes angry, persistent and ironic. He does not accept comments and reproaches addressed to him.

How to recognize people-manipulators will not help the following main characteristics of people-manipulators.

Every manipulator knows:
it is much easier to control a person if he considers himself an unworthy nonentity, and you - an honest and noble sage.
Fritz Morgen

Main characteristics of manipulators

There are basic criteria for manipulators, thanks to which you can understand whether the manipulator is in front of you or an ordinary person. And the more matches with a person, this indicates a greater likelihood of manipulation!

1. Blaming other people (both in the circle and professionally, friends, etc.).
2. He is trying to make the people around him responsible, and he will remove all responsibility and obligations from himself.
3. He will never speak directly about his feelings, thoughts, requirements.
4. Almost always answers various questions "vaguely".
5. Depending on the situation and the opponent, he can change his behavior, feelings and opinions very quickly.
6. Tries to hide his needs.
7. Forces other people to act immediately on all his demands and requests.
8. Tries to question your qualities and competence. Condemnation, criticism, humiliation, etc. are used.
9. Sends direct messages through other people. For example, a manipulator may send a message or call a person instead of saying it in person.
10. He tries to direct the surrounding people against each other, even if before him there were good relations between them.
11. If necessary, it can artificially cause various negative manifestations, i.e. becomes a victim (he may exaggerate illness, complain about overload at his job, etc.).
12. Absolutely does not fulfill your requests (although he may even say that he will fulfill them, but that's where it ends).
13. Likes to manipulate your moral principles to achieve his needs.
14. Openly blackmail or covertly threaten you.
15. Manipulators very often change the topic of conversation, and abruptly.
16. Tries to avoid various negotiations, discussions.
17. If the manipulator sees that you are poorly versed in some topic, then he begins to speak on this particular topic, showing his superiority in something.
18. Lying to you.
19. First, the manipulator says a deliberately false statement in order to find out the truth, after which he changes the truth.
20. Egocentric.
21. Both spouse and parent can be very jealous.
22. A person does not like criticism addressed to him, he tries to deny the obvious things.
23. Pays no attention to the wants and needs of other people.
24. At some point, he begins to sharply demand something from you, to force you to do something.
25. Speech and utterances may be logical, but his life is absolutely illogical!
26. In order to please a new person, he begins to give all kinds of gifts, pleases.
27. When he communicates with a person, the interlocutor feels that he has fallen into a trap!
28. He can achieve his own goals, but other people suffer some damage.
29. The manipulator forces his victim to act in a way that he would not do of his own free will.
30. The manipulator is an object for discussion, even when he himself is not around.

However, it is worth noting that in order to accurately understand that you have a manipulator in front of you, it must have at least 14 matches from this list.

Maybe all people are manipulators?

Many people, after reading this list, may think that all people are manipulators ...

Naturally, most people in life may manifest certain traits of manipulators. But this does not mean at all that you have a manipulator in front of you. A very important difference between an ordinary person is that such reactions manifest themselves from time to time, when a manipulator absolutely always manifests this!

However, do not jump to conclusions. You or your friends may have some of the traits on this list, but this does not mean that this is manipulation. The thing is that people (including you) like to exaggerate the main elements from this list, and try to seem worse than they really are.

A manipulator hiding under the mask of a friend can be just as dangerous as an open enemy.
Ransom Riggs. Soul library. Charon

If you want to know if you yourself are manipulators, then you can ask this question to some relative so that he “from the outside” evaluates you and your behavior and gives the final result.

A manipulator is a person who behaves differently than everyone else. The thing is that many people can sometimes perform some manipulations in relation to some people, but in relation to other people they behave quite normally.

For example, parents may manipulate their children while they are still in school. But as soon as the child grows up, then a reasonable parent stops manipulating his child, and gives him a chance to act independently.

Naturally, there are manipulators "by nature", and it is quite natural for them to manipulate other people. For some people, manipulation is a transient behavior.

Manipulators primarily want to humiliate their opponent in order to achieve some of their personal goals. In addition, the manipulator by itself, without people, simply cannot exist!

Manipulator has absolutely no respect for people! All requirements and rights for the manipulator are a secondary phenomenon. And if you start talking with the manipulator about something, then he will begin to speak a completely opposite point of view. The thing is that he wants to create such a visible image that you will begin to believe. A manipulator needs people around him just like a drowning person needs a life jacket! When a person drowns, he understands that he will soon go to the bottom and he urgently needs outside help. And if rescuers swim up to a person, then he leans on them, tries to drown them themselves, but at the same time he has only one thought - to save himself!

The same is true for manipulators. Thanks to other people, he is trying to get out of the water alive. It can only exist if it rests on the heads of other people.

The manipulator is ready to create various illusions and convince the people around him (and himself) that he is an excellent person!

The manipulator is waiting for the moment when you accept that he is a smarter, more competent, well-mannered, generous person than you! There are many such descriptions.

But how does the manipulator act in this way? First of all, he conducts experiments on you, he finds your weaknesses, takes a closer look. For example, a manipulator may start blaming you for their own mistakes. This effect is well known to psychologists. However, for a person who has no experience in this regard, the whole mechanism is absolutely not obvious.

That is, you might think that if you are accused of something, then the person himself does not have such a problem!

Why do people become manipulators?

It is worth remembering that just by reading books on how to become a manipulator, it is impossible to become one. In fact, this process most often starts in childhood.

A person has a special structure of the psyche, and therefore he is more prone to manipulation than other people.

For example, a shy person does not want to be associated with real people and communication, and wants to always stay away.

The manipulator has a kind of protective mechanism, which he uses as a means of survival. This all happens on an automatic level. And this mechanism allows a person to somehow communicate with people.

Are we surrounded by manipulators?

Through analysis, it was found that there are not so many manipulators in life. In fact, since childhood, a person has been in close contact with 200-300 people, and from all this number of manipulators can be counted on the fingers.

However, this small number of manipulators can lead to serious problems for every person!

And the fact that there are not so many manipulators does not reduce their danger. The thing is that manipulators can hide in various areas and spheres of life (at home, at work, etc.).

Naturally, manipulators try to hide the fact that they are manipulators. And only with time and experience can you more effectively identify manipulators. That is, the more you identify manipulators in your life, the easier it will be for you to identify them in the future.

In addition, manipulators can be both men and women equally, so it is rather difficult to draw any conclusions in this regard.

If you have not yet met manipulators in your life, then most likely after a while you will definitely meet a manipulator and feel the effect of manipulation “on your own skin”.

Does the manipulator understand that he is manipulating people?

Thanks to recent research, it has been found that the vast majority of manipulators act unconsciously. And only about 20% of manipulators are aware of the fact that they are manipulating.

However, the life principles of manipulators are rather perverted. They get immediate pleasure from the fact that they have immoral behavior and a negative impact on the people around them.

Most manipulators partially understand the fact that they affect others, but they themselves cannot really understand how this happens. But when they achieve some success, they rejoice in it.

But the whole point is that it is impossible to accurately investigate these problems. For example, most manipulators will refuse to recognize themselves by the described signs (or at least they will not pretend), but they can easily find the same signs in other people.

In addition, the manipulator can calm down by the fact that, in his opinion, all people are manipulators, which means that you can continue to behave in this way. That is, the manipulator believes that since everyone does this, they themselves do not harm the people around them.

The vast majority of manipulators will never tell others directly that they are manipulators, but that's no wonder!

Manipulators and ethics

Quite often, manipulators hide behind their own profession, which makes them very difficult to spot. After all, most people will see that, logically, a person is respected, has a high position, he devoted a lot of time to his work, etc.

For example, a manipulator may work as a drug specialist, but at the same time he may be involved in drug trafficking. It is very difficult to identify such a person among other people, most often no one will look at such a person.

Another example: a priest may turn out to be a pedophile. Also a rather extraordinary case, which almost no one suspected.

Some manipulators assert certain truths and postulates. In principle, it would never occur to anyone to doubt a professor, doctor, psychologist or priest. In some ways, this is good, but manipulators hide with the help of this!

Often manipulators have a respected profession and abuse their own power, and at first glance it is impossible to think anything bad about him. It takes some time to confirm your suspicion of this person. Therefore, you must be vigilant and remember that a person with a respected profession does not always have to deserve the respect of others.

For example, if a manipulator has a high rank or rank, but is incompetent, then this creates cause for concern. Some manipulators use all sorts of deceptions and intrigues.

But how then do manipulators who are incompetent manage to move up the corporate ladder? They do it because of other people. That is, colleagues or secretaries correct significant mistakes of the leader before everyone knows about it. After all, it's all in the interests of the people. First of all, they maintain the image of the company they work for, and at the same time they protect themselves from the reproaches of their manager, which will follow immediately after any mistake made!

Such a person transfers all the mistakes to his subordinates. And his personal image, as it was pure, remains so. Such a person is always trying to make the people around him feel guilty.

Non-verbal behavior of manipulators

Non-verbal communication includes facial expressions, behavior, gestures, tone of voice, etc.
The main criteria for non-verbal behavior of any manipulator:

1. The gaze of the manipulator is imperious or fluent

However, this depends solely on the circumstances and the mask he has chosen. A self-confident person, on the contrary, wants to establish visual contact with the interlocutor for about 60% of the total conversation time. A self-confident person will never look at one point for a long time or avoid the gaze of the interlocutor.

2. The Manipulator Uses "Aversive Listening"

That is, when you say something, he looks somewhere to the side, or does something completely different. For example, such a person does not even turn his head in your direction when you appear. Such perception is considered a manifestation of aggression. A person feels embarrassment, embarrassment, etc. from such communication.
The interlocutor may think that everything he says is of no interest to the manipulator, which unbalances the person. Some ordinary people may use this kind of "aversive listening" when they are talking to another person while watching television. Naturally, the interlocutor is still unpleasant to communicate with such a person. After all, the interlocutor wants you, as the recipient of information, to show that you are listening to him carefully. It is very important that when communicating, a person looks at the interlocutor and eye contact is established.

Most people behave this way at times. For example, you can talk to your friend, but still see your incoming email, etc. But for manipulators, this behavior is fundamental. Thus, he wants to show that the opinion of another person cannot be important.

3. The manipulator's voice can be either too loud or too quiet!

Consequently, in a large group of people, only the manipulator is heard. He laughs very loudly. The manipulator speaks only himself, and does not allow others to insert a word, but at the same time he likes to interrupt.

A self-confident person speaks loudly, but not louder than other people, he can easily change his volume from the volume of the people around him. And the manipulator changes the dynamics of his voice depending on how he wants to create an impression on his victims.

4. Manipulator gestures don't match other people's gestures

If the manipulator is in public, then he tries to be either inconspicuous or imposing.

For example, at the beginning of a conversation, the manipulator may choose a relaxed posture, after which people will assume that everyone can behave in the same way. However, most ordinary people do not behave in this way, especially if they are in an unfamiliar and alien environment.

5. Manipulator gestures are very diverse

Depending on the desired result, he can use a variety of gestures!

• If desired, the manipulator can depict security gestures, he can have a strong handshake, which is accompanied by increased friendliness, a smile.
• Manipulators can also use threatening (hostile gestures), such as pointing a finger at another person. The main purpose of such gestures is to scare the interlocutor and cause fear in him.
• Some of the manipulators may become anxious during a conversation and try to suppress their anxiety through various gestures (biting their lips, covering their mouths, etc.).

6. The facial expression of the manipulator is very different.

First of all, the manipulator shows those facial expressions that he wants to show. For example, he may be too smiling in some critical situations. There is a feeling that nothing can frighten or surprise such a person. That is, the manipulator creates an image of a person who can easily cope with a variety of situations.

The manipulator tries to always take control of his feelings. If he experiences positive or negative feelings, he always tries to hide them so as not to expose his real feelings.

For example, if guests came to the manipulator, then he can be talkative and smiling all evening, however, as soon as they leave and close the door behind them, he immediately has a stern expression on his face!

A complete collection of materials on the topic: people are manipulators psychology from experts in their field.

manipulator- this is a person who, using manipulative techniques, influences others, uses them for his own selfish purposes. To determine what a manipulator means, you should observe people from your environment. Such a person is almost always dissatisfied with himself or others, he does not like and does not appreciate what he does. He treats his personal affairs as burdensome duties, from which he wants to get rid of as soon as possible.

The answer to the question of what a manipulator means can be found in Shostrom's book Manipulator. Everett Shostrom, in his book The Manipulator, described the eight most popular types of manipulators.

A manipulator does not know how to catch pleasant moments and enjoy them. The experience of strong feelings is also alien to him. The thoughts of such a person are very critical, he believes that after youth in life there is no more room for entertainment, pleasure or self-development. Therefore, upon reaching adulthood, he begins to lead a stoic lifestyle, in which there is no place for spontaneity, fun or philosophical reflection on the topic of his destiny in life.

The manipulator improves only in one direction - the improvement of manipulation.

A manipulator has a distorted view of the world, he likes to experience suffering, he makes excuses all the time, says that all misfortunes stem from his negative past experience, although this may not be true. Such an individual really wants to be highly appreciated, he cannot evaluate himself as he would like, therefore he feels underestimated, unrecognized.

No matter what method the manipulator uses, psychology hides his inferiority complex, and the manipulator believes that this complex can be overcome only if he fights with himself and with others. Few people know that a manipulator falls under the influence of manipulation almost every day. The psyche of people is arranged in such a way that it is too susceptible to any influences, only specially trained or very attentive people can avoid falling under the influence of a manipulator.

An individual who gets used to the frequent use of manipulation techniques gets lost in life, forgets who he really is, is unable to express himself directly or behave naturally. He can talk a lot about his feelings, but not feel them at all.

Types of people manipulators

To understand what a manipulator means, you need to consider its inherent characteristics and types of manipulators.

The main characteristics of the person applying the manipulation:

Lies (techniques and methods of fraud, maneuvers, playing out emotions, roles, simulated behavior, desire to impress, falsity of feelings and emotions);

Unconsciousness (boredom, apathy, inaction, lack of understanding of one's place in life, perception only of what is important for one's personality);

Control (representing life as a chess game, controlling everyone who gives in, and building strategies against a stronger "rival");

Cynicism (complete distrust of all people, even relatives themselves, the division of people into those who control and those who obey).

In the book Manipulator, Shostrom says that there are various manipulators, the characteristics of which are described below.

A dictator is a type of manipulator of a person who gives out orders to everyone, and in case of disobedience, shouts and threatens. His tool is power, he governs and bosses others around with force, harshness, harsh language and harsh actions. A person with such traits of character and behavior unbearably craves power, gaining it becomes an even greater despot and tyrant.

A calculator type person is a very well-mannered person who communicates with many people, but in fact chooses only those from whom he can benefit. Such an individual leaves a lot of time to calculate the best and most profitable ways. In every life situation is guided by the desire to remain in a winning position. He is not interested in people, unless they represent a profitable acquaintance.

Manipulator man psychology claims that he only works in the direction of obtaining benefits from other people, is very lonely. Sometimes it makes him sad, but often he likes this state of affairs.

Man-manipulator type "rag" - in his behavior is infantile, weak-willed and careless. He always complains, he rarely has a good mood. He wants to turn all the attention of people to himself, so that they feel sorry for him, understand him, just be there. This type of manipulator often uses crying, tantrums, which quickly achieves what he wants.

A “sticky” manipulator is a person who seeks to be under the control of another person, he wants to be controlled, led. He is too pushy, lazy and weak. He does not like to do something himself, he always waits for orders and he sincerely likes such orders.

A manipulator of the “judge” type is an eternally dissatisfied person, and the scale of his discontent is simply global, it seems as if the whole world has done something to him.