proud. Selfishness - is it good or bad? What is self respect
emotional attitude, reflecting a person's assessment of himself. Sharp explosive manifestations of S. are inherent in boys and girls during puberty. It is important for each person to have a certain measure of S. and self-respect. Without it, there is no individuality. However, excessive S. harms both others and the individual himself. In this case, it interferes with the correct assessment of positive traits in other people, and can also lead to an increase in egoism. Painful S. is a sign of a person's own inferiority complex and the cause of conflicts.
pride
predilection for oneself, vanity, resentment, the desire to have better personal qualities than others, to be above others.
In the underworld, behind the scenes, self-esteem knows no gender: the success of an artist - whether a man or a woman is indifferent - restores the entire troupe against him (O. Balzac, Eve's Daughter).
"Grushnitsky! - I said. – There is still time; give up your slander, and I will forgive you everything. You failed to fool me, and my pride is satisfied ”(M. Lermontov, Hero of Our Time).
Self-love accompanies all other types of love (Voltaire).
I will not let her boast that she was the first to leave me (J.-B. Moliere, Philistine in the nobility).
Wed honor.
A girl in adolescence wants as many hearts to be broken because of her in order to satisfy her pride (H. Deutsch, Psychology of a Woman).
Women commit suicide when their narcissistic ego is damaged. In general, they can be offended precisely by this (ibid.).
Above all passions - pride (Isaac the Syrian). Wed narcissism.
a moral feeling, in which a person expresses respect for himself as a person, based on the recognition of his dignity. Like pride, S. is an expression of a person's self-consciousness and in a certain way directs his actions, but, unlike her, is more personal, belongs entirely to the area of \u200b\u200bindividual consciousness and is connected in the main. with an assessment of their own abilities and capabilities. In those cases when the feeling of S. becomes a stable distinguishing feature of the character of one or another person, it acquires the value of a moral quality. S. is a positive motive for behavior (and, accordingly, a quality) insofar as it helps a person in overcoming difficulties and his own weaknesses in order to achieve the results that he expects from him, and because it encourages a person to legitimately defend his dignity. But although S. often plays a positive role in people's behavior, it still does not make a person a conscious bearer of the ideas of communist morality, since in this case he performs actions for his own sake, in order to gain respect from those around him. S. becomes a negative quality when it turns from a demanding attitude towards oneself into unreasonable pride, into self-deception, which prevents a person from listening to comradely criticism, soberly assessing his actions and opportunities, and correcting his behavior. Such a sick S. plays the opposite role, paralyzing the activity of the individual, and ultimately humiliates human dignity.
Encyclopedia of sayings“In order to love your neighbor as yourself, you first need to love yourself right. Self-love is a distortion of love in relation to oneself. Self-love is the desire for the indiscriminate fulfillment of the wishes of the fallen will, guided by a falsely named reason and an evil conscience. St. Ignatius
The Holy Fathers distinguish three main types of self-love: love of money, love of glory, voluptuousness, based on the words of St. app. John about the three temptations of the world: “For everything that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but of this world”(). The Fathers identified voluptuousness with the lust of the flesh, the love of money with the lust of the eyes, and the love of glory with worldly pride.
Should a Christian love himself?
Love is one of the essential Divine properties (see more details:). This means that God from eternity abides in Love for Himself. To put it differently, all the Divines abide in mutual, penetrating love, and at the same time, Each of Them nourishes love towards Himself.
Man is created in the image and likeness of God (see:). The ability to love is one of the features of this most heavenly image.
Therefore, there is nothing reprehensible in a person’s love for himself, however, if we are talking about love in the correct sense of the word, and not about a proud, selfish feeling, self-love.
A person’s love in relation to his own personality is not only allowed by God, but is also elevated by Him into a model of love for: “Love your neighbor as yourself” ().
But what does the phrase "love yourself" mean? To love oneself is to live the fullness of a god-like life, to love life itself as Divine, to have joy in the Lord, to strive to fulfill one's highest and destiny. If God loves a person, then does a person himself have the right to treat himself with dislike (acting contrary to the Almighty)?
There is much in common between love for oneself and love for one's neighbor (neighbours), in particular the following.
Just as love for one's neighbor implies a desire for his happiness, so love for oneself implies a movement towards happiness. After all, man was created for, and not short-term, as is the case in the conditions of present life, but for the eternal and unceasing.
The path to this blessedness lies through the communion of one's life with the life of the Universe, with the life of Christ. Whoever does not strive for eternal happiness in the Lord does not love himself.
Thus, to love oneself means (among other things) to do what contributes to communion with eternal blissful life. Contributes to this fulfillment, love for God and His creation.
Just as the love of one person for another is associated with a desire to save him and not lose him, so love for oneself implies the desire not to lose oneself for the eternal Kingdom of Heaven: “whoever loses his soul for the sake of Me and the Gospel will save it” ().
As love in general implies, so love for oneself requires taking up one's cross and following Christ ().
The commandment “love your neighbor as yourself” () indicates that, ideally, love for your neighbor should not be inferior to the love that a person has for himself.
This rejects the idea of self-love as self-love, because self-love implies the opposite: a selfish, and often dismissive attitude towards people.
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Self-love is an overestimation of one's strengths, combined with a zealous attitude towards one's own personality and expressed by a strong sensitivity to opinions about oneself. Self-love is noted in each individual, however, it is expressed in varying degrees. Overly proud individuals are overly sensitive to criticism and are incredibly worried when they are denied something. Infringed pride can develop into a fully conscious or unconscious revenge.
Wounded pride
Each of the individuals is a person, represents something, has unique character traits and worldview. This is an absolute and indisputable fact. And yet human psychology includes some points that unite all people. These features include pride, which is one of the characteristics of human nature.
Is selfishness good or bad? Psychologists give such a meaning to self-esteem: the individual's defense of his social value, as well as relevance. In other words, pride determines such a character trait, thanks to which an individual becomes smarter, more attractive, grows above himself, maintains value in society.
Is self-love a good incentive to improve your life? Everyone will answer this question for himself. Some are inclined to believe that pride is good, others that it is an illusion of one's own superiority, leading to hyperbolization of one's own "I". One thing is clear, that each individual has his own personal motivation and without respect, as well as self-love, intellectual, spiritual and physical growth is impossible. And negative statements, judgments, indications of shortcomings negatively affect the personality, hurting pride.
Each individual reacts to criticism differently: someone has a feeling of guilt, someone becomes aggressive, someone has low self-esteem, someone is very annoyed, but in any case, criticism does not go unnoticed and strikes at self-esteem .
Not everyone can adequately accept criticism due to their individual characteristics and character traits, but it is important to be able to correctly perceive constructive comments. If it so happened that an unreasonable offense was inflicted on a person, then psychologists advise accepting it as a fait accompli, drawing conclusions and moving on in life.
Man is very susceptible to social approval. When he is praised, he grows in his own eyes, when criticized, then vice versa. Proud, builds a certain scale of values in his head and tries to achieve it with all his might. It is good when a person strives for goals that are useful for himself and society, and it is destructive behavior when an individual deliberately takes the path of degradation. It must be remembered that self-love itself acts as a catalyst for actions and desires, but not the main cause.
It is sometimes very easy to offend a proud person. All it takes is one word. In this case, there is a heightened self-esteem, when a person exclusively focuses on satisfying his needs and desires, by and large, he is indifferent to those around him. Such excessive conceit leads to self-centeredness.
The desire to be the first is attributed to normal, healthy pride. A physically and mentally healthy person is always endowed with this quality. In this case, it is the motivation for professional and personal success.
Vulnerable pride is noted in women, so you should not intentionally offend them, because you can forever lose a good relationship with them. Women react sharply to remarks about their appearance, way of thinking, behavior. In adulthood, they are especially sensitive to words of flattery and compliments, so it is sometimes better to remain silent than to tell a lie. For the fair sex, it is important to feel calm and comfortable, so it is better to refrain from bluntly expressing shortcomings. If such a need exists, then it is better to express it in private. At the same time, hurt pride will not suffer much, and you will maintain normal relationships.
Wounded pride
In wounded pride, the bad thing is that the individual perceives critical remarks in his address painfully, and begins to treat people with suspicion. It is very difficult for a proud individual to learn to control himself and competently perceive criticism in his address. No matter how mild the criticism is presented, it is always difficult for people to perceive, and often individuals take it too close to their hearts, especially if the critic is unskilled or the criticism is not constructive. Not very many people know the art of constructive criticism, so it is doubly hard and painful to perceive it.
How is it correct to respond to criticism, if it so happened that the individual became its object? If a person has been criticized, then, first of all, he should convince himself that he really has something to criticize him for, otherwise he will behave aggressively. At the same time, if a person recognizes the right of other individuals to criticize him, then he can also count on the recognition of certain rights for him. For example, the right to be reckoned with, not to humiliate his dignity, not to extend criticism to the individual. Also, the individual has the right to demand that criticism be made only in private conversation and not in the presence of strangers and colleagues.
Here are some tips on how a person should behave in such a situation:
If the essence of criticism is not clear, then it is necessary to ask the person who criticizes to clarify what he specifically means;
It is important for a person to learn to separate the content of criticism from the form, if a person is not satisfied with the form, then one can answer this way: “criticism is fair - I admit this, but I wanted it not to become personal”;
If a person does not agree with the criticism, then he should say so, mentioning, at the same time, expressions that emphasize that this point of view is his. For example, “I personally think differently” or “it was not like that”;
Maintain eye contact at all times and speak in an undrooping, cheerful voice without raising your tone.
What does self-love mean? Wounded sick pride is not just an awareness of personal negative aspects of one's character, it is also a defensive reaction of the EGO to internal problems, as well as feedback to the world around. As a result, with wounded pride, there is resentment against those people who inflicted it. Insulted pride is not a character trait, but acts, as already mentioned, a defensive reaction of the person who was offended. Often such an individual becomes immune to criticism, becomes inadequate and incapable of introspection. This happens because the EGO of the individual builds a strong shell around its painful core, which is felt like dull pain aching in the soul. The provoking factors in this case are the lack of love, dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with the reaction of others and with oneself. The constant does not allow a person to fully live. Pointing out a lack or expressing criticism to a person with heightened self-esteem only provokes him, and the result of such painful self-esteem is inadequate behavior.
Male pride
A blow to pride offends any person, but in comparison with women's pride in men, it is more aggravated, as a result of which they become unpredictable, uncontrollable and inadequate. In order not to offend male pride in family life, a woman needs to learn how to smooth out sharp corners, be able to give in, not touch pain points. It also does not hurt to find out what often annoys men the most, as well as what women's actions they cannot forgive at all.
For many women, the feeling of some kind of impunity is perceived as the right to say and do whatever they want, as well as to achieve their goals by any means. A loving man can forgive a woman a lot if it does not go beyond certain limits. When one day such an often complaisant and gentle man ceases to be controllable, he greatly surprises his beloved half. Therefore, it is very important for a woman in a relationship to maintain a certain line that cannot be crossed under any circumstances. So what will a man never forgive? Male pride will be very much hurt by female betrayal, which will be very difficult for a man to forgive. Own infidelity with women's infidelity for men is not comparable. They do not attach importance to their betrayal, since they attribute it to a simple need for intimacy. After the betrayal, they continue to consider their woman the most dear. But with female infidelity, everything is different. Often, female adultery is not accidental, and in most cases there is sympathy, passion, search, as well as the need for affection and tenderness. By cheating, a woman makes it clear to her man that her relationship with him means nothing to her. In the case of betrayal, male pride suffers very much and, even if a man forgives, then he is unlikely to be able to ever forget the fact of betrayal and the relationship will no longer be the same as it was before.
Men cannot forgive women if they assign themselves a dominant role in relationships, and also put themselves above them. Whatever a man is, he wants to feel himself in charge and be a protector, as well as a support. A man wants to feel more confident, stronger, even if a woman earns more and knows how to make decisions, as well as implement them. A woman should spare male pride and not take on the role of mistress of the situation in everything. Sooner or later, a man will not withstand the moral burden, will oppose this and leave for the one with whom he will be confident and strong.
To maintain a relationship with a man, a woman should never compare him with others. He wants to be the best and only for a woman, so comparison with others humiliates him, gives rise to complexes and irritation that can get out of control.
A woman should not emphasize her role as a mistress in the house and aloud express her husband's shortcomings, as well as the advantages of other men. In order not to hurt the pride of a man, it is necessary not to demonstrate your mind and knowledge to the detriment of the image of your beloved man.
Men also do not like attempts to manipulate intimate relationships. Rejecting intimacy under the false pretext of headaches and fatigue is one way to push a man to cheat. And to demand for intimacy the fulfillment of whims, gifts and thus manipulate looks dishonorable.
After getting married, many women relax and try to look good just before they leave the house. Over time, the husband wonders why the wife no longer wants to please him? Even if he does not show the view, it is necessary not to forget about it.
How to hurt male pride? Male pride can be greatly hurt when a man is put in a funny light, and for him this means not recognizing his worth. Women should be careful when making fun of men. This is especially true of intimate opportunities, members of his family, appearance, ability to earn money.
Men do not want to “dance to the tune of a woman”, they do not tolerate clichés and monotony in behavior, they cannot tolerate a commanding tone from a woman. These listed moments can forever discourage the male from communicating with women. Male nature will not tolerate an imposing stereotype of behavior, and will not try to fulfill all the expectations.
In order not to offend male vanity, a woman needs to change behavior patterns, say less “it’s supposed to”, “everyone does it that way”, but try to be unpredictable. Men do not tolerate a showdown, they prefer actions to words and rely on impulse, instinct, and long conversations cause irritation and can lead to a break. Therefore, women should not involve a man in a showdown.
A man will never tolerate flirting of his chosen one with another man. Such behavior of a woman will anger a man, and pride will be greatly hurt.
How else to hurt male pride? There are some other habits of women that greatly annoy men. These include endless telephone conversations, endless TV shows, a thirst for gossip, aimless shopping trips, and the habit of buying everything in a row. Men turn a blind eye to many things and try not to focus attention, and also not to notice, but this should not be abused. It is necessary to be able to stop in time, and also think about whether the husband should get on his nerves, bring him to irritation, indignation and displeasure. To maintain peace and tranquility in the family, as well as for a man to respect and love a woman, it is necessary to respect and spare his pride.
Women's pride
The self-esteem of women is so often unreasonably high that it can be offended by anything and the fair sex immediately turns into a disgusting creature. A woman with hurt pride begins to sting, splurge, offend the words of the interlocutor. Often the behavior of a woman is not controlled and she is not aware of what she is doing. It is very difficult to get rid of this condition. A woman is haunted by a desire for revenge and anger in her eyes. Minor grievances and reticence provoke an increase in tension in relationships and worsen interpersonal relationships. Therefore, in order to maintain a trusting, sincere, happy relationship, a woman needs to overcome, no matter how difficult it is, hurt pride.
Psychologists note that a blow to pride is easily dealt by male adultery. Not all women can look past the numerous male infidelities. And no matter how experts try to explain the reasons for male infidelity, to show the driving motives so that women do not react so emotionally and painfully to it, nothing happens.
Psychologists note that infidelity occurs due to the weakening of emotional ties between spouses, and it makes the hidden conflict obvious. According to statistics, it is a woman who in many cases initiates a divorce today. Women's pride pushes for such a decisive step. Before a divorce, a woman decides for herself what is more important for her: personal pride or endurance, love, patience for a person who until recently was close and dear. Often women are indignant: why do psychologists urge them to endure after their husband's betrayal?! It turns out that the wife should, meeting her husband from work, be charming, feed delicious dinners, provide leisure and also take care of the children.
And if the spouse suddenly finds out about the betrayal, then she needs to calm down, tune in to a neutral wave, visit the hairdresser, sing trendy songs, keep an eye on her wardrobe in order to remind her of her attractiveness. In such a situation, not every woman wants and can behave this way. Therefore, most women choose divorce. At the same time, many women are outraged by the fact that psychologists do not call on a husband who has learned about his wife's infidelity to take care of household chores, try to regain his attractiveness, give gifts to his wife and capture her mood. As if on purpose, the wives believe, the difference between male and female psychology is emphasized.
Undoubtedly, it is necessary to take into account male psychology in family life, since nature endowed the representatives of the stronger sex with emotional stability, will, and all methods of re-education by women often face resistance. Many wives would do well to use the ability to adapt, patience and affection, and not go ahead. Many husbands do not withstand the pressure in this situation, and betrayal is often an infantile attempt at self-assertion in the eyes of another woman. And if the unfaithful spouse begins to be reproached for immorality, selfishness, then it is possible to only push him away completely. Of course, both with someone else's and with one's self-esteem one must reckon with and not allow it to play out to the heightened limits. Therefore, perhaps, nature endowed women with artistry, spiritual subtlety, deep cordiality, the ability to see with the soul, understand, regret and empathize.
Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
Each person is unique and unrepeatable not only externally, but also internally. Each of us has its own character traits, characteristics, psychology and worldview. We all have self-esteem, but this character trait is developed differently for everyone. Let's see what self-love is and who are self-loving people?
Definition of self-love
It's good when a person has self-esteem, but, as they say, there should be a measure in everything. Each of us has pride, but this character trait is only different varying degrees of development. If you look into various sources to find the definition of the word self-love, then you can understand that this is the spiritual and moral quality of a single person.
A person cannot love someone if he does not love himself. This character trait should be manifested as respect for oneself and recognition of one's own dignity. Thanks to this trait, a person can constantly grow spiritually and develop. It will become:
- smarter;
- more attractive;
- maintain their prestige in society.
If a person does not love and respect himself, he cannot develop and improve intellectually, spiritually and physically normally.
When pride helps a person to show restraint and responsibility for his actions and actions, then this can be assessed as a positive quality in character. Sometimes this feeling is developed so strongly that a person does not notice his own shortcomings. In this case, pride develops into pride and ambition, turning into selfishness.
Selfishness - is it good or bad?
Most psychologists say that self-love is a good feeling. Other experts in the field of psychology believe that it is wrong to exalt oneself, since one can morally degrade over time. To some extent, they are right, because often a highly developed pride gives people a sense of superiority over the rest. Over time, this leads to hyperbolization of one's own "I".
Adequate self-esteem always perceived positively in society. It is very good when a person has:
- a sense of dignity;
- does not allow himself to be offended;
- accepts comments addressed to him;
- achieves the set goals.
The sages have always said that low self-esteem is much worse than high self-esteem. Another thing is when it comes to a proud person. This is immediately evident and does not allow her to live normally in society. In this case, she is not able to soberly assess her strengths and capabilities. In a proud person, personal interests prevail over the interests of other people, since she sees himself as superior to everyone else. This quality makes the selfish person unpleasant for other people and his character unbearable.
Against the background of sick pride, people often develop neurasthenia. Gradually, this leads to other negative consequences. A person constantly seems to be underestimated and to console feelings of narcissism, he may lose control of himself. This can serve as a signal for bad actions:
- gluttony;
- alcoholism;
- drug addiction and other antisocial behavior.
How to get rid of excess self-love?
When one of us hears words of praise addressed to him, he begins to grow in his own eyes. If a person is constantly underestimated, undeservedly scolded, criticized, he falls in the eyes of himself and those around him. Especially self-esteem in women is acutely developed. In adulthood, this begins to manifest itself more strongly. All representatives of the weaker sex always react negatively to comments, for example, about their appearance. For this reason, you should not directly tell women about this, but it is better to hint or say softly in private.
It's good when a person strives somewhere, works on himself, he has his own goals that he wants to achieve if they are useful for him and society. Normal pride should not lead to self-destruction of the individual, to his degradation. In a good sense, this feeling should be a kind of catalyst for desires and actions.
If this feeling is adequate and helps you go through life, then you should not get rid of it. In this case, this feature is positive, its can't be considered a disadvantage.. To the best of developed self-esteem, you can be proud. It will help to move forward, not to stop there, to continue self-development.
A proud person with a wounded and sick feeling requires the help of a qualified specialist in the field of psychology, with a visit to special trainings. Such people will not be able to notice their own shortcomings on their own and take the word of others that they have high self-esteem. They create their own ideal image with which they are impregnated. This is reminiscent of pride and ambition, which gradually leads to disrespect for others.
If pride is combined with philanthropy, respect for others, then it can be called a positive character trait and a necessary quality. It will help you live, appreciate yourself, not let yourself be offended and believe in yourself.
