Technologies of dehumanization of ordeal the story of the hieromonk of the novel. Ordeals. The story of Hieromonk Roman (Kropotov). Revelations of a physicist who returned from the other world

Ordeals - the torture of the soul of the deceased by evil spirits when leaving the body and when moving from earth to heaven. The Church teaches in detail about ordeals, many of their details are known from the revelations of the dead who appeared in visions, as well as people who unexpectedly returned to life a few hours or even days after death, who conveyed these terrible impressions with horror. A rather detailed and vivid account of the ordeals was told in a vision by the Monk Theodora of Tsaregradskaya (Comm. 30 December/12 January).
The story "The ordeal" is an artistic description of the modern posthumous experience of going through ordeals. Initially, it was planned by the author as a guide in preparation for confession. The story of "The Ordeal" will be of interest not only to the Orthodox audience, but also to people preparing for baptism.
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Revelations of a physicist who returned from the other world

The leading designer of OKB "Impulse" Vladimir Efremov died suddenly. He coughed, sank down on the sofa and fell silent. Relatives at first did not understand that a terrible thing had happened. We thought we were sitting down to rest. Natalia was the first to come out of her stupor. She touched her brother on the shoulder.
- Volodya, what's wrong with you?
Yefremov collapsed helplessly on his side. Natalya tried to feel for a pulse. The heart didn't beat! She began to do artificial respiration, but her brother was not breathing.
Natalya, herself a physician, knew that the chances of salvation were decreasing every minute. Tried to "start" the heart, massaging the breasts. The eighth minute was drawing to a close when her palms felt a slight push back. The heart turned on. Vladimir Grigorievich breathed on his own.
- Alive! hugged his sister. - We thought you were dead. That's all, the end!
- There is no end, - whispered Vladimir Grigorievich. - There is also life. But different. Better…

Vladimir Grigorievich wrote down the experience during clinical death in all details. His testimonies are priceless. This is the first scientific study of the afterlife by a scientist who has experienced death himself. Vladimir Grigoryevich published his observations in the journal Nauchno-tekhnicheskie vedomosti of St. Petersburg State Technical University, and then spoke about them at a scientific congress. His report on the afterlife became a sensation.
- It's impossible to imagine! - said Professor Anatoly Smirnov, head of the International Club of Scientists.

The reputation of Vladimir Efremov in scientific circles is impeccable.
He is a major specialist in the field of artificial intelligence, worked for a long time at the Impulse Design Bureau. Participated in the launch of Gagarin, contributed to the development of the latest rocket systems. Four times his research team received the State Prize.
- Before his clinical death, he considered himself an absolute atheist, - says Vladimir Grigorievich. - I trusted only the facts. He considered all discussions about the afterlife to be a religious intoxication. To be honest, I did not think about death then. There were so many cases in the service that even in ten lives it would not be cleared up. Then there was no time to be treated - my heart was naughty, chronic bronchitis tortured me, other ailments annoyed me.
On March 12, at the house of my sister, Natalia Grigorievna, I had a coughing fit. I felt like I was suffocating. The lungs did not obey me, tried to take a breath - and could not! The body became wadded, the heart stopped. The last air came out of his lungs with wheezing and foam. The thought flashed through my brain that this was the last second of my life.
But for some reason, consciousness did not turn off. Suddenly there was a feeling of extraordinary lightness. Nothing hurt me anymore - neither my throat, nor my heart, nor my stomach. I felt so comfortable only as a child. I did not feel my body and did not see it. But with me were all my feelings and memories. I was flying somewhere along a giant pipe. The feeling of flying was familiar - this had happened before in a dream. Mentally tried to slow down the flight, change its direction. Happened! There was no horror or fear. Only bliss. I tried to analyze what was going on. Conclusions came instantly. The world you are in exists. I think, therefore I also exist. And my thinking has the property of causality, since it can change the direction and speed of my flight.

Everything was fresh, bright and interesting, - Vladimir Grigoryevich continues his story. - My consciousness worked completely differently than before. It encompassed everything at once at the same time, neither time nor distance existed for it. I admired the surroundings. It was like it was rolled up into a tube. I did not see the sun, everywhere an even light, not casting shadows. Some inhomogeneous structures resembling a relief are visible on the walls of the pipe. It was impossible to determine which was up and which was down. I tried to memorize the area over which I flew. It looked like some kind of mountains. The landscape was remembered without any difficulty, the volume of my memory was truly bottomless. I tried to return to the place over which I had already flown, mentally imagining it. Everything came out! It was like teleportation.

TV

A crazy thought came, - Efremov continues his story. - To what extent can you influence the world around you? Is it possible to return to your past life? Mentally imagined the old broken TV from his apartment. And I saw him from all sides at once. Somehow I knew everything about him. How and where was it designed. He knew where the ore was mined, from which the metals that were used in the construction were smelted. He knew what steelmaker did it. I knew that he was married, that he had problems with his mother-in-law. I saw everything related to this TV globally, realizing every little thing. And he knew exactly which part was faulty. Then, when they resuscitated me, I changed that T-350 transistor and the TV started working ... There was a feeling of the omnipotence of thought. For two years our design bureau struggled to solve the most difficult task related to cruise missiles. And suddenly, having presented this design, I saw the problem in all its versatility. And the solution algorithm arose by itself. Then I wrote it down and IMPLEMENTED ...

The realization that he was not alone in the next world came to Efremov gradually.
- My informational interaction with the environment gradually lost its one-sided character, - says Vladimir Grigorievich. - To the formulated question, the answer appeared in my mind. At first, such answers were perceived as a natural result of reflection. But the information coming to me began to go beyond the limits of the knowledge that I had during my lifetime. The knowledge gained in this tube was many times greater than my previous baggage!
I realized that I was being guided by Someone omnipresent, without boundaries. And He has unlimited possibilities, is omnipotent and full of love. This invisible, but tangible subject of my whole being did everything not to frighten me. I realized that it was He who showed me the phenomena and problems in the whole causal relationship. I did not see Him, but I felt it sharply, sharply. And I knew that it was God… Suddenly I noticed that something was bothering me. I was dragged outside like a carrot from a garden. Didn't want to go back, everything was fine. Everything flashed, and I saw my sister. She was frightened, and I beamed with delight ...

Comparison

Efremov in his scientific works described the afterlife using mathematical and physical terms. In this article, we decided to try to do without complex concepts and formulas.
- Vladimir Grigoryevich, with what can you compare the world you found yourself in after death?
- Any comparison would be wrong. The processes there do not proceed linearly, as we do, they are not extended in time. They go at the same time and in all directions. Objects "in the next world" are presented in the form of information blocks, the content of which determines their location and properties. Everything and everything is with each other in a causal relationship. Objects and properties are enclosed in a single global information structure, in which everything goes according to the laws set by the leading subject - that is, God. He is subject to the appearance, change or removal of any objects, properties, processes, including the passage of time.
- How free is a person, his consciousness, soul there in his actions?
- A person, as a source of information, can also influence objects in the sphere accessible to him. At my will, the relief of the “pipe” changed, and terrestrial objects appeared.
- It looks like the films "Solaris" and "The Matrix" ...
- And a giant computer game. But both worlds, ours and the afterlife, are real. They constantly interact with each other, although they are isolated from each other and form, together with the controlling subject - God - a global intellectual system.
Our world is simpler to comprehend, it has a rigid frame of constants that ensure the inviolability of the laws of nature, time acts as the beginning connecting events.
In the afterlife, there are either no constants at all, or there are much fewer of them than in ours, and they can change. The basis for building that world is information formations containing the entire set of known and still unknown properties of material objects in the complete absence of the objects themselves. So, as on Earth it happens in the conditions of computer simulation. I understood - a person sees there what he wants to see. Therefore, descriptions of the afterlife by people who survived death differ from each other. The righteous sees heaven, the sinner sees hell...
For me, death was an indescribable joy, incomparable to anything on Earth. Even love for a woman compared to the experience there is nothing ....

Vladimir Grigorievich read Holy Scripture after his resurrection. And he found confirmation of his posthumous experience and his thoughts about the information essence of the world.
- The Gospel of John says that “in the beginning was the Word,” Efremov quotes the Bible. - And the Word was with God, and the Word was God. It was in the beginning with God. Everything came into being through Him, and without Him nothing came into being that came into being.” Isn't this a hint that in Scripture the "word" means some kind of global informational essence, which includes the all-encompassing content of everything?

Efremov put his posthumous experience into practice. He brought the key to many complex tasks that have to be solved in earthly life from there.
- The thinking of all people has the property of causality, - says Vladimir Grigorievich. - But few people know about it. In order not to harm yourself and others, you need to follow the religious norms of life. The holy books are dictated by the Creator; they are safety precautions for mankind…
Vladimir Efremov: “Death is not terrible for me now. I know it's a door to another world."

Air ordeals is the name of the obstacles in the Orthodox teaching about the afterlife, through which the soul of every baptized person must pass on the way to the throne of God for a private judgment.

Two angels guide the soul along this path. Each of the ordeals, the number of which is 20, is controlled by demons - unclean spirits trying to take the soul going through the ordeals to hell. Demons provide a list of sins related to this ordeal (a list of deeds of uttering lies at the ordeal of lies, etc.), and angels - good deeds performed by the soul during life. In the event that good deeds outweigh the evil ones, the soul passes to the next test. If the number of evil deeds exceeds the good ones, and the angels have nothing to present to justify the soul, the demons take the soul to hell. When the angels present good deeds for the justification of the soul and the evil spirits remember the same number of sins for its condemnation and there is balance, then God's love for mankind wins. The same mercy of God sometimes makes up for the lack of good deeds against the predominant number of evil ones.

The list of good deeds is kept by a guardian angel, which is given to each person at baptism, the list of sins is kept by a demon sent by Satan to every soul in order to lead a person to fall into sin.

There was an important test ahead of me, and I was preparing hard for it. I have been cramming the material for a week now and have not parted with it even in my spare time. Formulations and methods, features of technologies, practices and processes circled before my eyes like annoying flies. When I left for work, I took with me a few books or notes, which I read on the go and in my free time.

On that day, I ran out of the house and headed to the meeting place with my friend Sasha. We not only worked in the same team, but also lived close to each other, and therefore often walked together to our workshop.

Hello, economist, or whatever you are!

I looked up from the book and saw that I had already arrived at the right place. My friend studied the book in my hands.

Hello! - I say, - How are you?

Yes, good. Well, what do they write about? He nodded at the book.

Oh, don't ask. Smoke is already coming out of my ears.

Why didn't you reply over the weekend? I missed this meeting.

Look, I'm up to my ears in this swamp of business and all that nonsense. While without me.

Sanya was my new friend. Yes, I know what they say about new friends, but without them, nowhere. We live, change, move from place to place, and at the same time we inevitably get to know each other and expand our social circle. Besides, every old friend was once new. I got a job in the service not so long ago and I know Sanya recently. But I already recognized him as a cheerful and hardworking man, a little frivolous and capable of extravagant antics. He knows the car by heart, and the engine can be disassembled and reassembled, probably with his eyes closed. At work, he is a respected person who can be forgiven for some weaknesses and character traits. By the way, it was with his recommendation that I was able to get a job in one of the most prestigious car services in this part of the city. For which he was grateful.

Here yesterday I heard a parable from the Gospel, - said Sanya, - Jesus told a parable about a woman who lost money, and then found it. She called her friends and told them: Rejoice with me, I found my lost money! It turns out so interesting - they were glad, although they didn’t get anything from this.

What, what, I say.

Well, look, I lost 50 dollars, and then I found it. I'm telling you, Kolyan, I found my bucks! Would you be happy for me? Well, just for real.

Hard to tell. I guess it's yes.

So I say, it is difficult to enter into the position of another.

We walked and talked about something else. Sasha tried to interest me in some new proposals on the issues of my personal leisure, and I expressed my ambiguous opinion. Finally, we came to the busiest roadway and stood at a traffic light. Here the traffic made a great noise, the conversations stopped and everyone got a little time for their reflections. I opened the book and began to quickly run my eyes over what I had read. I didn't read as much as I tried to answer my own questions. Something was resurrected in memory without difficulty, and something was deeply buried under an impenetrable layer of obscurity. Then I returned to this part again and tried to reanimate the forgotten. And at that very moment, the unthinkable happened. I can swear to my certainty that the pedestrians moved forward, and I went along with them. However, the red light was on and no one went except me. It was strange and like some kind of obsession, and I still can not explain how it happened. It must have been necessary for all this to happen. I even remember that someone called to me, but did not pay attention to it.

The first car didn't hit me hard. The driver had already begun to slow down, as he was driving in the outer lane and saw me well. I was thrown into the fast lane, where at full speed I was rammed by another car. I was later told that I flew about ten meters before plopping down on sharp asphalt. It even seems to me that I remember how I flew over the roofs of cars, like a fly knocked down by a fly swatter. After I landed on the roadway, a third car dragged me along the road for another fifteen meters. Due to the sudden braking, about ten cars collided. There was a traffic jam, traffic stopped. The luckiest thing was my book, which wasn't hit by a single car.

The very first thing I remember is that I am standing on the road. The movement has stopped, and the people are running fast somewhere. Drivers got out of their vehicles and inspected the damage. Someone scratched the back of his head in bewilderment, someone called somewhere, someone cursed and looked for someone to blame. But the main part of the people fled to one single car. As if in oblivion, I also followed the running crowd. About ten people picked up a beige car and carried it a few meters back. The thought flashed through my mind - this is what they do when they want to free someone from under the car. And exactly, after the car was moved, I saw that someone was lying under it. The people began to roar, someone screamed, some took out their phones and began to film the person lying on camera, and not a single one dared to check the pulse.

Here's an idiot! - one driver was indignant, - where did he climb?! You saw him climb himself. Sick.

It's all because of him! another supported him.

Does anyone know him?

Hey, get the kids out of here!

That's no luck.

The man lay in an unnatural position. His face was damaged and bloodied. I remember that I even regretted that I did not see how this poor fellow was shot down. He didn't get it too bad, I guess. Something in his appearance immediately struck me as familiar. Maybe I know him? And suddenly something happened that cannot be expressed in any words - in a lying person, I began to recognize ... myself! To some extent, my clothes and shoulder bag, which I recognized first of all, contributed to this. My first reaction in this situation was shock. I couldn't believe my eyes. People often say - I can't believe my eyes! But for them, this is just a catchphrase, often devoid of meaning. But then I really couldn't believe my eyes. But this is not natural for us - a person in this life is used to believing his eyes. “Until I see, I will not believe,” said the Apostle Thomas. As a result, a person may be seized by some kind of stupor, some kind of split personality. I recognize myself there, but I also feel myself here. Consciousness frantically tries to somehow reconcile the irreconcilable, to find some explanation for this paradoxical situation, invents a double or someone similar to itself. But something, some kind of inner instinct persistently insisted that I myself was lying there.

Someone call an ambulance!

Is he alive at all? a woman asked.

This question made a strong impression on me. Even then I was a believer, maybe not as zealous as I should have been, but I believed in God, sometimes I went to church and took part in the sacraments. But still, the thought of death stunned me. I felt alive - real. I saw and heard everything, moreover, much more clearly and clearly than before, and suddenly someone doubts whether I am alive!? But it was this moment that made me doubt and think about it. But really, I heard everything that was said about me. Moreover, not only nearby, but also distant. It seemed to me that I even heard their thoughts about me. It was so new that I couldn't help but admit that something in me had definitely changed.

So this is what death is! Good God, this is impossible! - I thought. I was in shock and still trying to control myself. Suddenly I noticed Sasha in the crowd. He held his head in his hands and looked at me dead with round glazed eyes. It was obvious that he, too, was in shock. At that moment, someone walked right through me from behind. I shuddered and involuntarily touched myself with my hands. I felt myself and did not doubt the reality of my existence, but when I tried to touch those standing next to me, I did not succeed. I was isolated from them, I was, as it were, in another dimension, inaccessible to the living. Thoughts were confused and all these circumstances completely knocked me out of my usual rut.

What's next? I thought, what will happen now? But what about work, study, tests? I couldn't believe that my life plans were falling apart like that. What kind of life is this!? Why is she so fragile?! I wondered. But what about mom?! The thought of my mother really scared me. She has to learn about my death. She will cry. How will she bear it, how will she live alone?

These thoughts fascinated me so much that I suddenly found myself at home. The road with wrecked cars and people recording my death on video had disappeared, and I was in my apartment. I knew that she was now having breakfast and, as always, was watching her favorite show. And so it was. Mom was sitting with a cup of coffee and watching TV. I was so offended, because before leaving, I did not even say goodbye to her. And I've always done it. Just not today. And now I can only regret that I forgot or did not fulfill for some other reason. I looked at her and thought how many things I did not have time or did not want to do. Before my eyes, moments from my life suddenly surfaced when I behaved selfishly, disrespectfully, and even shouted at her. And I didn't even notice it! I was horrified to realize that rudeness, screaming, irritation or something like that was the norm for me. Only now, in all its nightmarish guise, was the whole abomination of my behavior revealed to me. Only now I saw the details that I thought were nothing, but which, in fact, decided everything. What a blind man I was! I felt like nothing. Remorse for the wasted time made me want to burst into tears.

I approached her and whispered in her ear:

Mom, I'm sorry.

But she didn't react at all. However, I expected this. I touched her hair with my hand and of course I didn't feel it. But I didn't care. At least now I wanted to say goodbye to her properly. I thought that at least in this way, with such a belated gesture of filial love and duty, I could calm my conscience. But my heart was still restless. I kissed her on the cheek. Her eyes were fixed on the blue TV screen. How strange, only now I saw the whole pointlessness of this occupation of billions of media prisoners. A pitiful piece of plastic and glass! You are an empty place and worth nothing in the world of spirits. It's a shame that we don't notice this in our lifetime.

Nicholas! I distinctly heard a voice calling my name. The voice was as if familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. And I couldn't identify its source. It seemed to come from everywhere. One thing I understood immediately - he was not from the world of the living.

Nicholas!

In the blink of an eye, I found myself in a cemetery. I recognized this cemetery. It was in my parents' home. I used to come here often, but that was in my early childhood. Since then, little has changed in the city of the dead. It was like evening or morning. A blue mist moved casually between the graves, gently touching the ice stones. Some of them were several centuries old. Famous people, prominent representatives of the nobility and clergy rested under them. Once upon a time in my childhood, I was told stories about the most prominent of them. A book could be written about each of these people, or at least a good article in an elite magazine. Most likely, such books have already been written.

The atmosphere definitely indicated that it was cool outside. But for some reason I didn't feel the cold. I saw the grass sway, along with the leaves of maples and oaks growing in the cemetery and forced to suck the juices from the dead.

Looking around, I saw that I was standing at the graves of my father and his parents. Their photographs on black and red marble have not changed at all. Some kind of concern or alertness was read in the concentrated and unfriendly glances. And only the grandmother smiled kindly. Grandmother was a deeply religious person and a regular in the local cathedral. For some reason, I thought - what a pity that I didn’t know her well, I just wasn’t interested in her. I have seen her many times though.

Nicholas! The voice came very close. I could barely detect in him notes of excitement and concern. This time I knew that the caller was behind me. And I seemed to see the speaker. My vision has acquired new qualities. I didn't have to look around to see anything. I seemed to see everything at once. But I turned around anyway. A young woman stood in front of me. She was wearing a long dress of an incomprehensible dark shade, interspersed with several other colors. Her dark, beautiful hair was neatly tied up and tucked under a light, crepe-georgette coverlet. For some time I carefully studied her ordinary, unremarkable face and gradually began to recognize native features.

Grandmother!? I myself did not understand - whether it was a question, or a statement. My uncertainty was due to the fact that she looked much younger than I remembered her. She was at such a young age long before I was born. However, I recognized her. This probably happened due to some kind of inner instinct, rather than in appearance, although it cannot be said that there was no external resemblance at all. A striking resemblance to my mother was evident.

Grandma, I'm dead.

I again did not fully understand - whether it was a question, or a statement. At the same time, I realized that it was foolish to try to convey to her what she knew better than me.

Kolya, a test awaits you. You will have to pass it. That is what you are here for.

Trial!

Funny, again I wasn't sure if I was asking this or just saying it.

You must be courageous. The Lord is with you and will not leave you. You must believe Him. Come with me. I'll show you our cathedral.

She made an inviting gesture towards the cobbled path, and we headed there. The paving stones smoothly described a semicircle and gradually dissolved in a misty haze. I was surprised to discover more and more features of my condition. Now I did not feel the discomfort that I always felt when walking on an uncomfortable cobbled road. I did not feel the surrounding coolness and the smell of dampness. Silence reigned all around. Somewhere nearby, a crow croaked with a raspy cry. A sudden rush of wind disturbed the hitherto dormant trees, and cold drops fell from the leaves. They flew through me without delay and did not cause me the slightest inconvenience. We slowly walked between ancient trees. I used to think that there is nothing thinner than fog, but now I can pass through its veil without even touching it. Truly everything is relative. Finally, I decided to ask:

What test awaits me?

Soon you will know everything.

Is it dangerous?

After a pause, she replied:

It's necessary.

After a while, I asked again:

Will I be scared?

Yes. But remember that nothing is finalized yet. You must accept this gift for what it is.

I immersed myself in thought. What kind of gift is this, if it is both dangerous and scary?! I do not need such a gift at all. I didn't ask anyone for this!

Soon you will understand everything, - I heard her thoughts.

We walked in silence, and then I asked:

Do you know about our life?

Yes, I know about you and your mother. And I know that you don't pray for your loved ones.

I felt uncomfortable. I really for a long time forgot to pray for my deceased relatives. And lately, with all these educational blockages, I completely forgot about prayer. Yesterday I would have laughed in the face of a man who told me that a dead relative would accuse me of this.

After a while, behind a strip of trees, the dark and majestic outlines of the cathedral appeared. Suddenly, I noticed how several human figures slowly floated out of the fog. They were two women and two girls. The women stood by the grave and silently looked down. They were completely motionless, so that they could easily be confused with the statues from the family crypt. What can not be said about girls. One of them was about ten, and the other about a year. It was clear that the elder took responsibility for satisfying the interest of the younger and dragged her everywhere, and the adults paid tribute to the memory of the deceased. She held the baby's arms as it took hesitant steps on the rough cobblestones. We were passing right next to them when a little girl suddenly stopped and tilted her head back to stare at me. You would have thought she was looking at something behind me, but she was looking straight into my eyes. I stopped. To confirm my guess, I moved a few steps back, carefully watching the child. The look of large children's eyes followed me without stopping.

Before I could ask - How is this possible? - I heard my grandmother's answer inside me:

These are pure souls. Sometimes they see what others cannot see.

The baby tried to say something and stretched out its little hands to me, holding on with difficulty on weak legs. Her sister squatted down next to her and looked in my direction.

What did you see there? Birdie? Where is the bird, show me?

The little angel was still trying to tell me something and looked at me with his radiant eyes. I already wanted to approach her, to touch her snow-white hands outstretched towards me, but suddenly I heard:

It is time!

She said it without words. I just realized that we have to go. And we moved on.

The cathedral was from the 19th century. He was graceful and stylish. Several tripartite apses and the ornate decor of the pediments of the cathedral immediately caught my eye. The corrugated framing of the drums and the very beautiful, although low bell tower, spoke loudly not only of the outstanding craftsmanship, but also of the refined taste of the architect.

We did not stop approaching the porch. Suddenly, on the side of the cathedral, I noticed movement. At first it was something shapeless, but then it took shape in a thin, tall figure, in which something animal and wild was felt. It was hardly possible to discern human features in him. It stood on crooked animal-like legs and had ugly claws. The face, twisted to the point of disgrace, resembled an ugly reflection in a broken mirror.

Horror gripped me. It was obvious that the disgusting entity had noticed me and made a hissing, bubbling sound that I would risk taking for laughter.

This is it? - I asked without taking my eyes off this shaking thin creature.

Do not stop.

Noticing that my grandmother crossed herself, I followed her example. We entered the cathedral. It was empty, but I felt that there was life in it. The icons radiated a quiet light and looked at me as if they were alive. The electrical appliances were out, but the cathedral was light. Some quiet voices hummed such a melody that I wanted to take off and rush after these heavenly sounds. I did not distinguish the words, but I understood that this was a song of praise to God. It seemed that the prayers that had sounded for centuries under this dome and poured out from loving and grateful hearts still lived here. Intertwined, they formed a harmony that no work of earthly art or human genius is able to produce.

Suddenly I realized that my grandmother had disappeared from my sight. From afar, only her voice sounded: “My God, I trust in You, let me not be ashamed forever, let my enemies laugh at me; For all who endure Thee will not be put to shame” (Ps. 24:1). These words of the psalm are deeply engraved in my memory. I repeated them several times and felt some power from each word. I did not just read the text, as we usually do on earth, but clearly, with all my being I realized that indeed, all who hope in the Lord will not be put to shame. It was a confidence comparable, perhaps with my own being. Now I know this psalm by heart, but then I heard these words as if for the first time.

Suddenly, I felt a strong presence. It was noticeably different from the presence of my relative. It felt both strong and good at the same time. It was like a wave of confidence washed over me that everything would be fine. At that moment, someone from both sides took me by the arms, and we began to ascend upwards. I looked down at the cathedral and got scared. It was unusual to be at the height of a bird's flight without wings behind your back and support under your feet. On the path I saw two women with children. Sitting in his mother's arms, the baby followed me with his eyes to the sky-high heights, and demonstrated his jubilation by jumping his arms.

I did not immediately pay attention to my companions. The fact that they are nearby seemed to me something natural and familiar. It felt like they had been there before. There was something familiar about them. They were much taller than me - among them I felt like a small child who found the long-awaited peace in the warm arms of his mother. Their beautiful and peaceful faces showed an unearthly origin. The long robe, which could hardly be compared to our satin or taffeta with organza, shone as if the rays of the noonday sun were trying to break through it. Their long hair fell in a sun-like wave down their shoulders and back, disappearing between the bases of two powerful wings.

With some shade of excitement, I asked one of them:

Are you Angels?

Yes.

He looked at me with his sparkling eyes. There was so much love and understanding in them that, contemplating these reflections of Divine glory, I even forgot for a while. On earth you will never see such beauty and love. A person can be called an "angel" for some of his virtues, but being an angel in essence is quite another.

You are so ... beautiful, - somehow involuntarily escaped from me.

All of God's creation is beautiful, especially if it is not damaged by the fall, another angel calmly answered. If you had seen Adam before the fall, you could not have fully enjoyed his glory. He was so beautiful, like the Son of God and the Savior of the world.

I periodically looked down, and now I was breathtaking from the unimaginable height at which we were. It was not a dead and cold space with its vacuum and accumulations of gas. It was a kind of space, a kind of spiritual realm that could not be tracked by earthly means. I did not feel any wind or cold, but the fact that we are rapidly moving upwards did not raise any doubts.

After a while I asked:

Where are we heading?

You have to go through ordeals and tell other people about it.

The angel looked at me. He was also calm and unruffled. It seemed that nothing in the universe could disturb or embarrass him. As soon as I thought about it, he mentally replied:

You're wrong. We often mourn and even weep when we see the death of those who should have been returned perfect to the Lord of all.

At this thought, my own sins involuntarily came to mind. But I didn’t even remember that I offended not only God, but also my Guardian Angel, who is far from being indifferent to my fate. I was reminded of his admonitions - the quiet voice of conscience, which I so often ignored. I could find any explanation, any justification for my actions, just to avoid the truth. But the truth of God cannot be avoided. What a pity that I realized this only now. And now I'm ashamed to look into the eyes of my guardian angel. My God, how I lived! I was ready to fall through the ground from shame, but the ground was not under my feet - it was already very far from me.

He said something about ordeals. What it is? Once upon a time I heard this word and now had a very vague idea of ​​the nightmare that I now had to face face to face.

Tell people about it! You said that I should tell everyone about this? So I'm coming back?

You will return and tell what you have seen and heard here as a warning to others who have not even heard of it.

Here is a revelation! I had a hard time dealing with the news I received. So all is not lost, so I still have a chance! I can fix my life, start over. My soul felt a new surge of strength. I had already begun to make plans for the future, what I would do first, as soon as I told my mother about it, when they suddenly appeared. (pause)

The growing rumble, which I had long noticed, gradually grew into separate voices and fuzzy fragments of phrases. And then I saw them visually. It was a dark crowd of some terrible creatures, from which icy horror wafted. It seemed to be evil incarnate, able to think, speak and act. The bestial appearance revealed their nature, the main component of which was an unimaginable hatred of people. Noticing us from a distance, they tensed up, as if before a battle, and directed their fiery glances at me. I clung to the Angels, because in them I felt protection and salvation and was ready to beg not to approach this formless mass of anger and hatred, but it was not possible to pass them by.

Another one is going to heaven.

What do you say, will you go to us right away or will you make excuses?

Answer!

They roared like fantastic beasts from some ancient Greek poem. A chilling terror seized me. Looking in all eyes at this black, furry evil, I was in a paralyzing stupor. I tried to hide behind the mighty backs of my celestial companions and trembled all over, like an animal in anticipation of the inevitable slaughter.

As I found out later, this was the first ordeal - the ordeal of idle talk. On it, a person must answer for all his verbal sins, which there are. My God, I was completely unprepared for this. In the crowd of demons, I discerned some kind of movement. They cooked and brought something. Their small black eyes burned right through me. It seemed that they were ready right at the same moment to pounce on me and tear me to pieces. No matter how much a person reads about demons on earth, he will never be able to adequately prepare for a meeting with his most terrible nightmares.

Opening some scrolls, they attacked me with furious questions:

This is where you rambled on.

Here you blasphemed.

Do you remember what you said to this person? What about this?

Do you remember this booze?

Do you remember what you said in the forest with them?

You said this word 598 thousand 876 times!

What did you say in illness, answer!?

You distracted those people, remember?! With your words you brought them to condemnation and grumbling!

Do you remember this joke? These people can confirm that you told him. Do you know how many you had?

Here, in the church, don't you remember what you said about this priest?

And this day - do you remember it? Don't say you don't remember him!

What did you say at the bus stop?

Do you remember this market, remember this conversation? What you said?

What did you shout out the window to him?

Do you remember this?! What about these words?

Do you remember this audacity? And this person? What did you call him, what did you say to him?!

What silence!

He took the name of God in vain!

Answer me, wretched man!

It was a real nightmare that defies any description! They attacked me like a public prosecutor with irrefutable evidence. And the worst thing is that I really remembered a lot of what they said.

They presented me with all my conversations, all my obscene anecdotes, jokes, immoderate laughter. They revived in my memory all situations when I was the instigator or instigator of unprofitable conversations, when I was the cause of sinful words for others, when I supported bad conversations. They called by name all those whom I distracted from prayer and moved to murmur. Along with my adult sins, they represented my adolescence to me. The words and conversations I said at the age of seven or eight seemed to have irrevocably disappeared from my memory and life, but, unfortunately for me, they were carefully collected and recorded in the memory of those who do not know forgiveness and live only in the hope of the complete extermination of mankind . These beasts provided the exact amount of every swear word I have ever spoken. They even showed in their faces how I said it and laughed at the same time. They knew not only my swear words, but also how many times I idly uttered the name of God. Among them, I noticed the eldest, who was sitting on a certain elevated place and cast malicious glances at me. He gestured for them to speak and laughed triumphantly when the next accusation was uttered.

The angels stood with a warlike look and justified me. Sometimes they said that this sin was confessed by me, sometimes they strongly rejected what the demons said as false. But sometimes they couldn't say anything. And that was the scariest thing for me. I looked at them in fear, waiting for some word, but there was no excuse.

Let him be responsible for his words!

They also wrote - From your words you will be condemned! For whom is it written? Or is the word of God an empty sound!?

Give it to us! He is ours! roared the prince on the throne.

But the angels solemnly proclaimed:

There is no God's definition for this!

What?! How not? Give it to us!

Where's the justice? What is our work for then?

He did not answer for what he did!

Maybe let us go to heaven then!

But the Angels did not deign to answer them, and we were already ascending further, leaving behind the envious bestial roar and clattering of jaws.

When I came to my senses a little, I said:

It was terrible! How is it possible to give an answer for every word?

If you know the value of words and what you will have to face in the ordeals, then it is possible, - answered the Angel. - And if you do not have the fear of God, then a person will not find justification here.

Then I did not understand, but when I returned, I realized that already from the first ordeal I could say goodbye to my Angels and disappear forever into the hopeless region of oblivion.

Not much time passed after the first torment, when the second came to replace it. Seeing from afar a crowd of evil spirits, I was ready to scream in horror and the impending torture. Almost with tears, I began to beg my companions:

No, please don't go there! Please don't!

You must go through all this. Be courageous, pray. This is the will of God.

I soon realized that it was the ordeal of lies and other sins associated with lies.

Well, liar, will you answer for your lies?

He's ours, no doubt about it.

Remember this lie, but this one? Remember how you let this man down, and this one? Remember how you lied to please your friends?

Do you remember this day?

Didn't you say these words, didn't you curry favor with your boss, you hypocrite?

Remember this promise? It's yours, liar. And you didn't do it!! You promised and didn't deliver!

Do you remember this person? You slandered him! By your perjury, you ruined his life for several years!

Remember how you chickened out here - you ran away, left your friend in trouble!

Do you remember this conversation? They relied on you, but you deceived everyone, emerged victorious and was still proud of your ability to lie to others. You are just like us, you are one of us!

Let him find out what he is. Let him find himself if he can.

Suddenly I saw myself in some room with a low ceiling. In the center, a single bulb was burning and weakly illuminated the room, barely reaching the walls of the room. It was full of people staggering back and forth, making noise and talking among themselves. It was very stuffy and cramped, there was absolutely nothing to breathe. Hopelessness and hopelessness reigned everywhere. I stood among all these strangers and tried to see the way out of this terrible place. In desperation, with my mind clouding every second, I began to make my way among the dark figures. But it wasn't that easy. Some snarled, others pushed, and one swung and almost hit me in the face.

Where are you going, you goat!?” he yelled at me.

And then I suddenly saw that it was me. He had my face. I patted the man next to me on the shoulder and asked:

Excuse me, do you know how to get out of here?

He turned to me, and I saw that he, too, had my face. With a vacant look and pronounced apathy on his despondent face, he mumbled:

Leave me alone.

Who is looking for a way out here?, - the other me turned to me, - For a good price, I will show you what you want.

Don't trust him, he's lying all the time," the third me intervened.

Well, let's sleep, - there was a voice from the other end of the room.

Why are you limp - smile!

Let me die in peace, someone else groaned.

People were crying and laughing, praying and cursing, banging their heads against the wall and stamping their feet. And everyone had my face. These were the states that I experienced in life, and all of them were not what I really was. My real essence, my pure God-given nature, got lost somewhere among this noisy crowd of my vicious states and inclinations. It was very difficult to find her in all this variety of my vicious natures. How different I was, how many masks I wore during my lifetime. I didn't even know who I was or what I was.

The demons made an angry noise. No doubt they were right in many respects. But if lying is characteristic of all demons, then the demons of lying should be all the more distinguished by this. Very often they mixed their lies with the truthful testimonies, they slandered me, which was resolutely rejected by the Angels. However, it amazed me how they knew exactly every incident in my life and every lie I had ever told. Accidentally or in drunken delirium, the spoken word was literally caught from my tongue and entered into the charters. Moreover, several times they tried to accuse me of what I said in my dream. It seemed that they didn't care what they said, as long as they made some kind of accusation, even if it was completely absurd or non-existent. They clung to every opportunity to possess me, frighten or embarrass me. It was a real battle for the soul! They roared and roared, jumped out of the crowd and shouted accusations. They even tried to grab me! Several times one of them, with a face like the shaggy snout of an anteater, tried to snatch me out of the angelic hands, so that they had to hide me from behind. It was a nightmare beyond words! And you wouldn't wish this on your enemy.

The angels presented everything they had, covered the sins of everything they could. But, like the first time, this was not enough. The demons rejoiced. They were already celebrating their victory, like cultists who had the upper hand in a verbal dispute. It was interesting that even while expressing their demonic jubilation, they remained impenetrably gloomy and evil. They could not rejoice the way a man does, and even more so an angel. Their terrible joy was an unbearable torment for the soul and resembled the demonic possession of a madman who, mocking his victim, came up with a new method of torture for her.

Leave it! - exclaimed the Angels, - he will return.

What?! How will he return? Why are you showing him all this? What are we trying to do here?

What do they need Scripture for? Why do they need to know all this? Can you invite everyone here? Maybe we can put on a show for everyone!

The indignation of the demons knew no bounds. We had neither the time nor the desire to listen to all this, and we went on.

How ferocious they are, - I interrupted the silence after a while. Why do they hate us so much?

Only because you are the image and likeness of God and enjoy the grace of God, which they did not keep.

And you saved, - I stated to myself. That was hard?

Not so difficult, but everyone has to make a choice. You also know that it is not difficult to give up sin the first time. It's hard to stop when a vicious habit has turned into a passionate attraction. But we do not know passion. Having once renounced sin, we, by the grace of God, grow more and more in goodness. And the fallen are becoming stronger and stronger in resistance to God. That is why they hate you with a fierce hatred, as the creation of the One with whom they wage an irreconcilable war.

I was afraid to ask, but nevertheless decided:

How many tollhouses are there in total? I can't take it anymore.

There are twenty of them, and you will see every one of them.

Twenty! This number horrified me. Twenty terrible steps leading from hell to heaven! Twenty circles of hell, in the bubbling nightmare of which a person plunges headlong. And after all, few people on earth know about these trials that await him after death.

While I pondered my fate and was horrified by it, we approached the third ordeal. By what the demons demanded of me, I realized that this was a ordeal of condemnation and slander. They began to remind me of cases where I condemned or insulted my neighbors, behaved impudently and impudently.

Did you condemn this man when he insulted you? Remember what you said to him in response, what did you call him?

What did you wish for this, do you remember? And I will remind you. Isn't that what you called him?

Do you remember this day? You condemned the earthly authorities all the time while sitting at the table! Wasn't it?

Remember this priest? You condemned him! Why did you condemn him? Do you remember? For a walk! And this for the mustache and beard! And this for a nasal voice. Do you remember his name? And we remember!

How long have you held a grudge against this person? Do you remember? For ten years you considered him your enemy! You rejected all attempts at reconciliation.

Can you tell us the name of this old woman, whom you hung on the back of a piece of paper with the inscription? And what was written there? Remind us!

Do you remember this person? When he revealed his theft to you, what did you say to him? Do you remember? That's right, you said, and who doesn't steal now?

Exactly who is not stealing now!

The crowd of the damned burst into eerie laughter. I thought it took forever for them to finish listing by name everyone I've condemned in my life. They named every priest that I condemned for something. Demons even took on their appearance in order to more clearly show me why I condemned them. One of them was transformed into a priest, dressed in a bright cassock with elegant decoration on the collar and sleeves. It was for this that I condemned him.

How do you like my duckweed, son?

Another of them took on the image of a full priest, once seen by me in my early childhood and already completely forgotten. He waddled in front of me, giving me a good look at his big belly, for which I condemned him.

Kolya, come to me, I will bless you.

The crowd roared.

Enough!

The angels stepped forward menacingly. The hooting and uproar subsided a bit. For a moment, the horned monsters crouched on their crooked legs. But then, rising up again, they said:

You did not answer for many of his sins! What do you say to that?

They paced back and forth like beasts ready to pounce on their prey at the first command. Their small black eyes ran from the Angels to me and back.

He will still have a chance to fix everything, - said one Angel.

What a chance!? Let him answer now!

To his answer, to his answer!

You cannot take it away! He is ours!

A terrible roar rose up, which became quieter and quieter as we moved away from them.

This painful situation had a depressing effect on me. I felt that I was weakening and losing my strength. Fear was impossible to subdue. He dominated me, tormented and exhausted me. At each new meeting with the inhabitants of the underworld, I became not myself with horror. It paralyzed me to the point of exhaustion and drained my vitality.

It's excruciatingly scary," I said aloud. I won't be able to get through.

Be courageous and pray. You can. Pray the Jesus Prayer and call on the help of the Lady of Heaven.

After these words of his, I felt how the words of the Jesus Prayer, about which until that moment I had no idea, began to be pronounced in me. "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." They ran like a boat, which I only slightly pushed. God's grace tangibly touched my heart and filled it with strength and faith that everything happens according to the will of God. (pause)

As soon as I calmed down a little, we approached a new ordeal - the ordeal of gluttony. The disgusting formless creatures in this ordeal were so vile that one could lose one's mind looking at this embodiment of evil. Some of them were the size of a truck. Their appearance resembled drowned men who had lain in the water for a whole year. The leader of this ordeal was distinguished from others by his larger size and malice. He had huge black horns. In the terrible gaps in the eye sockets, an empty shark's gaze was stuck. In his furry paw, he held a goblet with something foul-smelling and periodically drank from it. Some of the demons danced and danced, others ate or fought, bit each other and butted with their horns. Unbearable stench and screams spread everywhere. But when we appeared, the entire assembly turned their bestial and hateful eyes on me.

Look, fresh meat! They laughed and acted like they were drunk.

Do you like to eat? We know you love. Remember those dances? How many beers did you drink on them? Eleven! And he tried to get his friend drunk.

This day - you ate so much that you could not stand on your feet. We supported you!

They burst into hellish laughter.

Do you remember this day? Kolyan, are you going to the meeting? You got so drunk that you wallowed in a puddle of your vomit.

How many cigarettes did you smoke, do you remember? And we remember every such day.

Remember these people? You got them drunk.

And this day you must remember - then you first injected. Of course "for the company"! How else?

Then you ate.

And here you are drunk to unconsciousness.

On this day you walked with these people.

You didn't follow the posts! He ate food defiled by the pagans. You didn't pray before eating. Eating at night, hiding from others.

Do you remember those rolls? I love sweets - not your words?!

It was again a one-sided game. I really did all this and remembered a lot. In some amazing way, these cyanotic toad-like characters knew everything about me!: where, when and with whom I drank, what I drank and how much I drank, what and when I ate, how many cigarettes I smoked and what drugs I tried. I tempted others into drinking and cigarettes. They named people who, having been infected by my bad example, became drug addicts, heavy smokers or alcoholics. Many of them have already died from it. My posts turned out to be sheer hypocrisy and hypocrisy. I was fed up with Lenten food and did not observe the church charter. They even reminded me of when, as a child, I picked out sugar drops from gingerbread. They had the exact number of lollipops and gums written down, their names, and even the price I paid for them.

There were, of course, lies here, which I noticed, but for the most part they really had truthful and detailed data about my life. Confession helped me a lot. The angels often countered my sins with repentance. It was impossible to object to this - the sin was forgiven, and if it did not happen again, then the responsibility for it was removed from the person. But if it was repeated again, then the person could also answer for what he had already repented of before, since he again turned out to be guilty of the same evil. Unfortunately, this was just my case. The demons pressed harder and harder, trying to take me away as a gourmet and their drinking companion. They brought my unrepentant sins over and over and demanded an answer. It seemed that that small door of salvation, through which it was only possible to escape, was becoming narrower for me, and the hope of salvation was becoming more and more unrealistic.

You have no power over him,” the Angels said in response.

Let him answer!

Yes, yes - let him answer!

Justice still works here or not! - the demonic prince roared and threw the goblet at one of the servants who were crawling at his feet. He yelped and threw a frightened look at his master.

We moved away from them and for a long time heard curses addressed to us, until the crowd of drunken beasts disappeared from sight. Only now, when the intensity of passions subsided, I remembered prayer. Screaming and accusations, the state of balancing between death and salvation, did not give me the opportunity to pray at all. Deepening into prayer, I drew strength and consolation from it. More than anything, I didn't want to hear that beastly roar and see the pig-like snouts, but it was impossible to avoid it.

I tensed up and intensified my prayer when I heard an approaching and growing rumble. This was the fifth ordeal. The demons prepared their scrolls for some time, and then they began to accuse me of the sins of laziness and various kinds of neglect of the soul. Their prince was reclining on some kind of couch and his eyes sparkled angrily.

He spent his whole life in carelessness and laziness.

Do you remember how you liked to sleep after dinner? You repeated it year after year!

And here he was faint-hearted and despondent.

He skipped liturgies - he drank with friends instead of being in church! Let him answer now!

Do you remember this day? You slept all day after the party.

Have you forgotten these people? They asked you to pray for them, and you didn't pray!

I repented of many of these sins, and the Angels covered some of the charges, but there were still a lot of sins. I am by nature a person who is not afraid of work and is not prone to idleness, and even more so to parasitism. But anything can happen in life, and behind me, like a wake behind a ship, stretched a long train of my sins. I was presented with each day and the number of hours I spent in idleness. I suddenly vividly saw one episode when I spent the whole day aimlessly sitting in an armchair, looking into nowhere. What people call the beautiful and progressive word "depression" is actually elementary despondency and is strictly condemned in this ordeal. The demons named the exact number of liturgies at which I dared to take communion without proper preparation. They said how many services in my life I missed due to negligence or being busy with some extraneous business. At the same time, one demon, in appearance resembling a mixture of a hippopotamus, a rhinoceros and an orangutan with a huge hump, came out and in Church Slavonic quoted Canon 80 of the Fifth Ecumenical Council, which commanded to excommunicate those who missed three Sunday services in a row from church communion. At the same time, they also named the number - how many times I should have already been excommunicated from the Church.

He is not a Christian at all, because he does not belong to the Church! What are you doing with it? Give it to us!

There is no God command for this.

What is there for? - the prince of demons roared, - Sleep and eat - is there anything for that?!! He jumped up from his bed and roared:

We are the masters here and we decide! He is ours by right!

The angels did not bother with vain explanations, and we rushed on. After some time I asked the Angels:

What do they know about justice when they themselves constantly lie and infect others with sin?

They love to invoke God's justice when they think they will benefit from it. But they forget about God's mercy. They know that they will be justly condemned to eternal torment and believe that on this basis they have the right to demand the same judgment against people. They are blind in their irrepressible malice, and it will finally destroy them.

The angel was just talking to me about the judgment of God, when the demons from the sixth ordeal of theft appeared on our way. They crowded around us and began to list the things that I once stole. But the Angels resolutely denied all these accusations, since I repented of all this, and in adulthood I tried not to repeat this. Then the demons began to accuse me of indirect theft, harboring, approving someone else's theft. They reminded me of when I appropriated other people's phrases and thoughts, called my own what was not yet mine or at all. They listed each of my ticketless fares one by one, gave the numbers of trains, trams, taxis, buses and trolleybuses in which I did not pay for travel. They were able to find that I took some things and tools from my place of work and did not return them back. When the Angels said that I could still fix all this, the monsters raised a terrible howl and cry, they complained about their vain work and continuously called me to account. Finally, they angrily said:

We will meet again, and then no one will help you!

This threat scared me a lot. I imagined with horror what would happen if it was a real death? Who would help me then, who would make amends for my forgotten sins and give me another chance? It became unbearably painful from this thought. What disappointment must souls experience when they are snatched away by death right out of the midst of earthly turmoil and delivered to this preliminary private judgment?

You want to know this, - one of the Angels asked me in response to my reflections.

And suddenly at that moment I saw thousands and thousands of souls going through ordeals. They were everywhere and at different levels. Someone just started from the first, and someone was much higher than us. Some waited their turn, and some were tested several at once. I saw and felt their fear and despair. The faces twisted with horror were painful to look at. Many wept and sobbed, made excuses and begged for mercy. Very often it was heard how someone asked to give him another chance, said that he had realized and understood everything and now he would live correctly. But often these were vain pleas. I saw souls that were stolen from ordeals and carried away to the realm of pain and fire. Fierce and indescribably ugly demons squealed with joy and unleashed all their hellish wrath on their victims. The combination of amazement and fear, hatred and glee, formed some kind of terrible cocktail. To experience a state of hopeless longing for the time of life wasted in vain and the fact that nothing can be corrected is tantamount to death, and my soul was completely exhausted from these experiences.

When we were alone, I thought:

How terrible it is! Why does no one on earth know about ordeals? - and heard an angelic answer inside:

Many do not know. Others know, neglect and forget. Whoever truly clings to the Church of Christ, he constantly keeps in memory the day of his death. Thank God for His mercy on you.

Here it seemed the seventh ordeal. Here I was presented with the sins of love of money and greed.

He is born stingy!

He is greedy! As a child, he never shared with anyone, the demons shouted.

They have one goal in life - to find money. Money is what they live for! What do you say to that?

The damned creatures brought to my memory all the beggars to whom I did not give anything. They reminded me of all the cases when I was stingy or greedy, when I gave someone sweets for services, helped resell some items - phones, watches, listed everything that I collected and what I did not use, named the things that I bought and didn't wear it.

The angels set against this my works of mercy, as well as confessions. And what was missing, they said, was forgiven me in the sacrament of the Unction. Although the demons did not know what to say, they did not stop hurling accusations at me and gnashing their teeth in anger.

At the eighth ordeal, the sins of covetousness and all kinds of unjust acquisitions are tortured. The cunning demons presented me with all the cases when I took possession of other people's things by some cunning or force, remembered when I extorted money at school, borrowed money with the intention of not returning it. We did not stop at this ordeal. Sincere repentance atoned for all my sins from this ordeal, and we moved on.

At the ninth ordeal, any untruth is tested. Here, the evil spirits reminded me of when I mistakenly believed the slander against someone and joined in the unrighteous condemnation. They put up against me my other unrighteous deeds, to the point that in a car service I sometimes did not pump up the wheels to the required rate or did not perform some other, at first glance, imperceptible and insignificant manipulations in car maintenance. And when I advised other workers to do the same, saying that there is nothing wrong with that.

He stole from these people, hung them up! What will he say to that?

The angels covered these and my other sins with good deeds, and we moved on, amid a displeased roar and cry.

The ordeal of envy, which was the tenth in a row, we passed pretty soon. I have never been envious, I thought that everyone lives to the best of their ability. And if you don’t have what your neighbor has, then you need to make as much effort as this neighbor did. And to envy without doing anything on my part, without striving for the goal, I considered stupidity. Happiness does not grow on trees - you have to fight for it.

Soon we passed this ordeal and continued our way to heaven.

We have approached the eleventh ordeal, which was called the ordeal of pride. Surely there is no person who would be innocent of these sins? And often we don't even notice it. I haven't seen much in my life either. Looking at me intently, the evil demons began to shower me with many sins, which in one way or another were connected with pride.

He was constantly proud of himself.

He prided himself on his knowledge and skills.

Do you remember this person? What did you answer him? You have exalted yourself over him and despised him!

Didn't you brag about it?

Remember, you thought he was inferior! What did you call him - a loser! For you, everyone was a loser, except for yourself!

And how he treated his parents - he did not respect them! When he left today, he didn't even say goodbye to his mother!

I couldn't believe my ears! Here are the hard workers! What scrupulous work was done in the name of the destruction of my soul! Directly at least give them shovels and forward to the White Sea Canal. With their enthusiasm, they will have enough weeks to dig it. They presented me with all the cases of my disrespect for both the late father and, especially, for my mother: every word, neglect, lie, cry or unkind look was known to them. They said how many times in my life I uttered a self-praise phrase - You won’t praise yourself, no one will praise yourself, and they presented many more cases when I was fond of self-praise alone. They named the clothes and shoes that I was conceited at school and for the lack of which I humiliated others. I saw a case from a distant childhood, when my friends and I jokingly exhibited our advantages, competed with our achievements, the professions of our fathers or relatives.

My folder is a surgeon!

And my fireman!

And my folder is the director of the company!

And my president!

I then said that my folder is the Lord God and won the argument. We joked and laughed at this game of our imagination. Whose parents occupied a more advantageous position, he won in that children's game. And now everything was presented quite the opposite - whoever won then lost now.

For a while, the Angels had to justify me. I again saw with my own eyes the miraculous power of repentance. Thanks to sincere repentance and recognition of his mistakes, through which the proud soul humbles himself, a person actively opposes the passion of pride. So we passed this ordeal as well.

Continuing our ascent, we approached the ordeal of anger. As soon as I came here, I heard the demons say to each other: "This one is ours, give us all his sins." I remember one of the Angels looked at me and said, "Pray." I remembered the Jesus Prayer and began to pray. When the evil demons had prepared everything, they immediately began interrogation. Their leader, seated on an elevated place, constantly roared at his subordinates like a lion:

Come on, come on! What are you waiting for, idiots!

Do you remember this day - while still lying on the bed, you started it with an angry cry!

You threw that thing aside, swore and slammed it against the wall.

You got irritated with slippers, with a toothbrush, with a TV, with a news announcer, with your mother, with yourself!

You angrily kicked a rock, you slammed the ATM machine, you swore at the driver, then at your shoelaces.

It seemed like an eternity while they listed the sins of just one day of my life. They remembered all my angry remarks, all my actions that I did in a state of anger, even what I said when I was alone with myself. Not only were my words and deeds presented to me, but simply angry looks, resentment, angry silence and angry tears. They remembered all my tantrums and quarrels, irritation and malevolence. The demons were so vicious that during my interrogation they roared and went berserk not only at me, but also at each other. The prince on the throne tore and threw, and they angrily snapped at him, sometimes beat each other and in general, it seemed that they were the very embodiment of the uncontrollable passion of anger.

Finally this nightmare is over. Through the labor of an incredible struggle, the Angels were able to pull me out of that hell. Although I understood that I had not passed this ordeal, my God, yes, I have not yet passed a single ordeal! We moved away from this ordeal, and in response we continued to hear angry cries and threats. Then the evil prince began to pour out his irrepressible anger on his subordinates:

Worthless bastards! You are not capable of anything! I will report you to our father, then you will receive for your negligence.

They justified themselves as best they could, but did not escape the beatings from their superiors.

What fierce anger, I thought. It is terrible to imagine what will happen to the soul that falls into the clutches of such merciless creatures. That is why St. Seraphim said that only the grace of God saves us from their envious fury. Otherwise, even the smallest of them with his claw would destroy all mankind on earth.

At the thirteenth ordeal of rancor there were no less vicious publicans. They recalled to me all my gloating, all the insults that I could not immediately forgive, all my threats to someone and the desire to take revenge, as well as my attempts and intentions in this direction, quoted me my own words of grumbling and discontent, including from early childhood, something that I would never remember. They especially singled out my murmuring against God about some afflictions. They reminded me that I once plotted against someone or simply gave my voice against someone, supported a condemning conversation about someone, as well as my communion without reconciliation with the person with whom I quarreled. The demons showed how I laughed at someone who had a misfortune, or a simple fall in the street or an accident on the road. I suddenly saw a day when my friends and I stood on the rink and laughed at those who could not skate.

Yet, with the help of God, we overcame this ordeal. But I still had some sins that I still had to correct on earth.

The fourteenth ordeal is the ordeal of murder and all robbery. Evil spirits surrounded us and began to shout at me and expose everything that is somehow connected with rudeness and robbery. I was not guilty of murder, but I sinned with assault and other rudeness.

He beat people, the demons yelled, remember this one? And remember this - you hit him in the face.

He threw a stone at him, and hit him with a stick.

With fire in their eyes as dark as the abyss itself, they accused me of so many sins. I was reminded of both the early school and the technical school, when I took part in the beating of several guys. They reminded me how I beat animals, tortured bugs, tore off the wings of flies. The outcast spirits remembered to me all the insulting words and curses I had said, all the intentions I had expressed as a joke to kill someone, such as: I would kill or strangle you to die, and so on.

He is a murderer, he killed a man! - suddenly they roared in one voice.

No, I did not kill, - I said almost in a whisper. But suddenly I clearly remembered one day when, in a conversation with my friend, I threw out a seemingly idle phrase. She told me then that she got pregnant from someone and was going to have an abortion. And I didn't really think about what she said.

Well, what else do you have left?

And now, standing at the ordeal of murder, I turned out to be a murderer, because not only did I not dissuade her from this sin, but, on the contrary, I approved this murder, which is why I was ranked among the accomplices.

Murderer! Give it to us!

Ours, ours, he's ours! - with bloody foam on their bestial muzzles, the satanic assembly roared. They spun around, jumped and tried to snatch me from the angelic hands. The prince on the throne raged the most. He roared like a dying minotaur. I was in indescribable horror. Remembering the prayer, I began to pray and be baptized. This enraged the demons even more.

What, I decided to repent! Too late for you! You died, you hear, you are forever ours!

But when they learned that I had yet to return and fix everything, they roared as if thrown into a hot frying pan. I was still in a panic as we moved away from the rampaging beasts, but at the same time, I was glad that I had been able to avoid their revenge. Although, this was again an advance.

Soon I heard a rumble that spoke of the approach to the fifteenth ordeal, at which the sins of sorcery and other sorcery were sorted out. Vile creatures with many limbs and tails, with small black eyes, scaly and furry - they produced an eerie whistle and hiss. Seeing me, they ran towards us, writhing like asps, surrounded us from all sides and began to attack with accusations. Although I did not practice witchcraft, but how many things have been imputed to me. These animals remembered all the times when I turned to someone for fortune-telling, when I listened to and believed the fables of astrologers, studied palmistry, dabbled in yoga and hypnosis, tried to interpret dreams, meditated, gambled. They named those with whom I had played cards during my life or whom I had seduced to play with. They accused me of superstitions, which I often succumbed to while living in the body. At one moment, a black cat with small horns suddenly ran in front of us. She looked at me and giggled wickedly.

Suddenly, such an ugly creature crawled forward that if I were on the ground, I would immediately vomit.

Do you remember this day?

Before my eyes, I saw a group of boys and girls who were doing something sitting in the dark. They uttered some words and held a piece of cloth or rope in their hands. And suddenly among them I recognized myself, still quite young, and remembered how that day we tried to summon gnomes or some other evil spirits.

Do you think you didn't succeed? No, it worked out - I heard you, came to you and settled in that house for a long time!

I completely forgot about this case. Who would have thought that this childish prank actually turned out to be a black magic ritual that called a demon out of the darkness! I was saved only by the intercession of the Angels and someone's prayers. I felt that someone was helping me, invisibly strengthening me. Maybe it's a mother, or maybe the Mother of God remembered the one who on earth so often forgot about Her.

Finally, this hellish terrarium was left behind.

What an abomination, - I said, - how ugly they are!

Sin disfigures everything it encounters, the Angel answered me. Would you believe me if I said that before they were as beautiful as the other Angels of God? But everything changed with the advent of sin. And on earth you can see this change in people. Everything is written on the person's face. Sinners have gloomy faces, their presence is unbearable, opening their mouths, they sow sin and death everywhere. The righteous have beautiful faces and bright eyes. They bring peace and light with them. Be a peacemaker and the Lord will be with you.

After a pleasant conversation with the Angels, I did not want to plunge into a new nightmare again, but there were five more ordeals ahead, which it was impossible to avoid.

And here again a terrible fear wafted. Ahead was the ordeal of fornication and fornication. At this news, I shrank into a ball and only repeated: “Lord have mercy on me, please have mercy!” It is no coincidence that they say that representatives of these ordeals boast that more than other demons fill the hellish abyss with human souls. And it's not surprising. The instinct of procreation is natural for us and took over humanity at the dawn of its existence. In addition, now the entire media industry works most of all just for the demons of fornication. That is why our brother's affairs on this front are so bad.

Having unfolded their manuscripts, the demons of fornication with a proud and self-confident look began my new torture. It was evident that they were quite confident in themselves, and soon I understood why.

He is guilty of many sins! How can you justify it?

Do you remember them? You have sinned with both. And with this one, you sinned right in the presence of her one-year-old child. What do you say to that?

Do you remember this evening - what were you doing here? Do you remember these dances? Here you touched this one and that one, hugged them and kissed them.

Do you remember this trip - you looked at this woman, then at this one, you undressed them with your eyes, sinned with them in your heart. Isn't it written in your books?!

Remember those flirtations and shamelessness?

You dreamed of fornication for an hour, and then you became defiled in your sleep.

Remember that girl - you wanted to spoil her, made plans.

You behaved shamelessly and must answer for it! Let him answer!

The angels said that all the sins they named were already confessed by me.

How, confessed! To this day, he continued to sin, and he had not been to church for a whole month! Yes, and in the temple I thought about fornication.

He still does not mind remembering the past, right?

At the same time, one demon transformed into a beautiful naked woman and seductively wagging her hips passed in front of me.

Come join us, handsome.

Enough!, - one Angel declared, - you have no power over him!

The demon immediately threw off his human disguise and roared:

We have! And who, can you have! There are still many and grave of his sins, what can you say about them!?

Give it to us and don't tell us we have no power!

This is our soul! Either answer for his fornication or leave it to us!

The crowd roared like the mouth of an active volcano. They crowded around us and, in some kind of sadistic ecstasy from the anticipation of the suffering of a new victim, howled and incinerated me with their bloodthirsty looks. Because of the general roar, it was difficult to distinguish their words. They literally wanted to grab us and hold us, commanding the Angels to give me to their will, as I deserved to be punished. But God's messengers commanded them authoritatively to leave them behind.

This soul will go with us, and God's decision about it is not in your favor!

After some time, we approached the ordeal of adultery. I have never been married and have never sinned with married people. Therefore, the insignificant attempts of the demons to convict me of some kind of evil were unsuccessful.

Then came the ordeal of unnatural adulterous sins. I have never experienced such passion. Nevertheless, shameless demons presented several cases from my life that could be interpreted differently from the outside, which they tried to do in their favor. But it was impossible to deceive the Angels. One of the gloomy Ethiopians assumed the form of a naked man engaged in a shameful deed and began to invite me to follow his example. It took a certain amount of good deeds to leave this nasty place.

Soon, on the way, we met the ordeal of heresies and idolatry. Here the demons tried to confuse me with some events from my distant life, when, even before the Church, I briefly belonged to one Protestant sect, went to their seminars and prayed with them. But this delusion had been confessed by me for a long time, immediately after coming to the Orthodox Church, and therefore now had no force. The demons tried to accuse me of reading sectarian magazines, going to pagan temples out of curiosity, once buying amulets and amulets, saying that I was an idolater and bowed down in front of the TV. But the Angels were able to justify me without much difficulty. The demons could only whine nervously from their impotence.

Finally, we reached the last twentieth ordeal, which bore the name - mercilessness and hardness of heart. The gloomy and cruel tempters jumped up to us and began to shout and yell, accusing me of the sins of unmercifulness. They recalled all the manifestations of my stone-heartedness, when I neglected to help someone, or spoke cynically about a person, when I showed insensitivity and did not sympathize with the pain of my neighbor, did not pray for someone who asked me, refused to help, when I disdained people, asserted myself for someone's account. At this ordeal, all the virtues of an angry and merciless person were reduced to zero. Such a person, already on the eve of paradise, risked descending into the underworld.

For a while the Angels had to answer for my unconfessed sins. It was scary. If I died forever, then I don’t even know what I would do and say in my own defense.

Leaving behind the last ordeal, we saw the gates of the Heavenly Kingdom. There was so much light and joy that it is impossible to convey it. I noticed many bright figures standing in the gates, as well as walking inside. Looking at me lovingly, one of the angels accompanying me said:

You saw terrible ordeals and experienced what awaits every baptized soul. By the grace of God, you must go back and tell the sinful world about this.

Being riveted by my attention to the indescribable beauty of the heavenly halls, I did not want to leave there at all.

I don't want to go back! Let me stay here! I beg you!

You knew you'd have to come back. Do not forget, you would not have gone through these ordeals and see the beauty of this God's creation only by the grace of God. You must tell everything that you saw here, which will help many souls to avoid eternal death. And if you neglect and hide this knowledge given to you by God, then their death will be on your conscience and you will answer for it. If you tell people, but they do not believe you or neglect you, then you are not guilty, and you are free from their blood. Remember everything said here.

At that moment, everything turned upside down. The crystal gates and the Angel’s gaze full of love rushed somewhere, remaining only a bright memory in my memory, and I, like a star falling from the sky, descended into my body with lightning speed. And then only I remembered the cause of my death. My God, what a pain it was! Eighteen bones were broken, plus multiple injuries of various degrees of internal organs, cuts and abrasions. Have I really fallen into the twenty-first ordeal, - I thought, - and my hellish suffering continues? It turned out that after unsuccessful attempts to resuscitate me, the doctors had already abandoned all hope. Therefore, they hid me in a bag, where I woke up. It was dark, unbearably painful and difficult to breathe. For a while I tried to make a sound, but the noise of the car (we were still driving an ambulance) drowned out my weak voice. Finally, one of the doctors, apparently with an ear for music, heard me.

It was a moment, a feature in my life, after which my new life began. And I try very hard to make it different from the previous one. With the blessing of my spiritual father, I nevertheless finished my studies, fortunately there were only a few tests left, and I changed my chair in the stuffy office of some bank employee for a quiet monastic cell. My mother not only approved of my decision, but she herself retired to one of the women's monasteries. By the behest of my Guardian Angel, I told the world my story. It has already been published more than once by various publications, both Orthodox and secular. I was repeatedly invited to radio and TV programs for a dialogue on the topic of life after death. I think that with the help of God, I managed to shed some light on this area of ​​being hidden from the human eye, with which we all will inevitably encounter one day, but about which we know little.