How to learn to control your emotions and feelings. How to learn to control your emotions. Feelings and emotions in the aspect of the modern world

It is not accepted to show emotions (especially negative ones) in public. This is considered wrong and ugly. A strong person is able to control his emotions. He is always smiling and calm. However, is it right to constantly restrain emotions?

Is it always necessary to restrain emotions?

Emotion is energy. And it does not disappear anywhere if you hide it. It remains inside a person, and it is impossible to destroy it. Therefore, it will manifest itself in a different place and at a different time as a result. And the more emotions have to be contained, the more they accumulate. Naturally, this energy can burst out at a very inopportune moment in the form of hysteria or aggression.

Of course, it is necessary to control emotions. But this is not always necessary. For example, if your boss scolded at a meeting, you shouldn't express your displeasure. Otherwise it can hurt your career. Or you have to communicate on work or personal issues with an unpleasant person. And here you should not show dissatisfaction if the question is very important and you cannot do without communication. In these cases, it is worth controlling emotions so as not to make yourself worse.

But if a friend said something unpleasant or a loved one behaved unfairly and incorrectly, it is worth showing emotions. But to do it correctly, without hysteria and rage. Just show that it’s sad, hurt, or hurt. That is, you can throw out emotions, talk about an unpleasant situation and, possibly, find a solution. You shouldn't hold back the joy either. The positive do not need control if they do not hurt the feelings of others.

Of course, you shouldn't give in to negative emotions, but you can't lock them in yourself. We must learn to interact with them. If there is a feeling that negative emotions are covering, and it is impossible to throw them out at this moment, you need to separate yourself from the emotion, look at it from the outside. It is important to understand that emotion is separate, and personality is separate, and not to dissolve in it.

Expression of emotion is essential. But they must be manifested gradually, analyzing and not being taken to extremes.

Suppressing emotions negatively affects the psyche. Brief outbursts of anger or irritation will not cause significant harm. Regular fear, discouragement, and anger, however, can really harm both mental and physical health.

How can you throw out negative emotions? There are many ways and everyone can find what suits him best.

Someone finds salvation in creativity, someone sees a way out in sports, while others simply share their feelings with loved ones.

Here are some powerful ways to help you deal with negative emotions:

• talking to a friend, spouse - this will help to express anger or sadness;
• cry, scream;
• beat a punching bag or pillow;
• write your feelings and thoughts on a piece of paper or in a diary;
• go to the gym, pool;
• go for a walk in the forest;
• draw, sculpt, play - do something beautiful (or not so) with your hands;
• meditate;
• sing dance;
• breathing exercises;
• engaging in heavy physical work;
• go for a massage.

If you are constantly worried about self-pity, sadness, anger, it is worth living this emotion. Take pity on yourself, cry, bring emotion to the peak. But this period should be short, you should not stretch it for several days or weeks. Better to concentrate as much as possible on your feelings for an hour or two. After that, the heat decreases and you no longer need to control yourself. Emotions managed to be spoken, to feel as much as possible and to throw out.

Expressing emotions is not always an easy process. Especially when it comes to old emotions that have not found a way out for a long time. If there are old resentments, anger and other unpleasant feelings that you can't get rid of, simple exercises will help.

If you are offended by someone, you can:

• recall a specific case, describe in detail on paper or draw, describe what feelings arise in the present tense, think about what lesson was learned in connection with such a situation;
• write on paper the sentence: "I take offense when ...". Think and write down what resentment most often occurs and why;
• draw a piggy bank and place a symbolic description of all grievances in it, tear or burn a paper piggy bank.
• With anger:
• sculpt or paint your anger, then ruin the figure or tear the drawing;
• write down on paper your actions and thoughts during anger, think and write down if such a reaction is beneficial, how you can deal with anger;
• remember the situation when anger arose, mentally express all the indignation (or write it down), then present relaxing images (sea, forest glade) and achieve complete relaxation.

Other ways of expressing emotions can be found. The main thing is not to keep negativity in yourself all the time.

How to get positive emotions?

After negative emotions are thrown out, unpleasant situations are lived through and analyzed, it is worth paying attention to positive emotions. They will help you avoid breakdown and tune in to a positive mood. And in general, the more positive in life, the less you want to dwell on failures and negative emotions.

How to get positive emotions? First of all, it is worth communicating more with positive and active people, not allowing negative information to come near you (watching the news less and listening to stories about something bad), not forgetting about a healthy lifestyle (correct and sports can also cheer you up), look for a job that will be fun, have a hobby.

You can not restrain your emotions, get angry, shout, laugh, cry bitterly and be outraged loudly. Do you think anyone likes this sincerity? Only your enemies are pleased to watch this performance. Learning to manage emotions!

Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing ourselves to be led by false feelings, we do things that we later repent of. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control over ourselves, so emotions prevailed over reason. That is, we did not control emotions, but they controlled us.

Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the absence of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain composure and subjugate feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.

They do not think about tomorrow, and their expenses often far exceed their income.

Intemperate people flare up like a match, in case of any quarrel, unable to stop in time and compromise, which deserves the reputation of a conflict person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors say that many diseases have a direct connection with such negative emotions as anger, etc. They are preferred to avoid by people for whom their own peace and nerves are dear.

People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can keep them. It is not surprising that in whatever field they work, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for everything is the lack of self-control.

A developed sense of self-control allows in any situation to keep a cool head, sober thoughts and the understanding that feelings can turn out to be false and lead to a dead end.

There are also situations when we need to hide our emotions in our own interests. “Sometimes I'm a fox, sometimes I'm a lion,” said the French commander. "The secret ... is to understand when to be one, when to be different!"

Self-control people deserve respect and authority. On the other hand, they seem to many to be callous, heartless, "insensitive blockheads" and ... incomprehensible. Much more understandable to us are those who from time to time "indulge in all serious", "break down", lose control over themselves and commit unpredictable actions! Looking at them, and we do not seem so weak to ourselves. Moreover, it is not so easy to become restrained and strong-willed. So we ourselves and reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason, and not by feelings, is joyless, and therefore unhappy.

The fact that this is not the case is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist the temptation of the moment are more successful and happy than those who are unable to cope with emotions.

The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist at Stanford University. It is also known as the "marshmallow test" because one of its main "characters" is a regular marshmallow.

The experiment, conducted in the 60s of the last century, involved 653 4-year-old children. They were taken one by one into a room where one marshmallow lay on a plate on the table. Each child was told that he could eat it right now, but if he waited 15 minutes, he would get another one, and then he could eat both. Michelle Walter left the child alone for a few minutes and then returned. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before his return, and only 30 waited for it and received a second. Curiously, the same percentage was observed during a similar experiment in two more countries where it was conducted.

Michelle Walter followed the fate of his charges and after 15 years came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get "everything and now", but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more educated and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves the quality of human life.

Itzhak Pintosevich, who is called the “coach of success”, claims that those who have no control over themselves and their actions should forget about efficiency forever.

How to learn to manage yourself

1. Let's remember the "marshmallow dough"

30% of 4-year-olds already knew how. They got this character trait "by nature" or their parents brought up this skill in them.

Someone said, “Don't bring up your children, they will still be like you. Educate yourself. " Indeed, we want to see our children restrained, and we ourselves arrange hysterics in front of their eyes. We tell them that they must cultivate willpower in themselves, and we ourselves show weakness. We remind you that they must be punctual, and we are late for work every morning.

Therefore, we begin to learn to control ourselves by carefully analyzing our behavior and identifying "weak points" - where exactly we allow ourselves to "dissolve."

2. Components of control

The aforementioned Yitzhak Pintosevich believes that in order for control to be effective, it must include 3 components:

1. Be honest with yourself and have no illusions about yourself;
2. You should control yourself systematically, and not from case to case;
3. Control should be not only internal (when we control ourselves), but also external. For example, we promised to solve the problem at such and such time. And, in order not to leave ourselves a loophole for retreat, we announce this among our colleagues. If we do not meet the announced time, we pay them a fine. The danger of losing a decent amount will serve as a good incentive not to be distracted by extraneous matters.

3. We write down the main goals facing us on a sheet and put (or hang) it in a prominent place

Every day we control how much we have managed to progress towards their implementation.

4. Putting things in order in our financial affairs

We keep credits under control, remember if we have debts that urgently need to be repaid, we reduce debit with credit. Our emotional state is quite dependent on the state of our finances. Therefore, the less confusion and problems in this area, the less we will have reasons to "lose our temper".

5. We observe our reactions to events that evoke strong emotions in us, and analyze whether they are worth our experiences

We imagine the worst option and understand that it is not as terrible as the consequences of our inappropriate and thoughtless behavior.

6. Doing the opposite

We are angry with a colleague, and we are tempted to say "a couple of warm words" to him. Instead, we smile and compliment. If we feel upset that another employee was sent to the conference instead of us, do not get angry, but rejoice for him and wish him a happy journey.

From the very morning we were overwhelmed by laziness, and - we turn on the music, and we take up some business. In short, we act contrary to what the emotion tells us.

7. A famous phrase says: we cannot change circumstances, but we can change our attitude towards them

We are surrounded by different people, and not all of them are friendly and fair to us. We cannot be upset and indignant every time we meet with someone else's envy, anger, rudeness. It is necessary to come to terms with what we cannot influence.

8. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation

Just as physical exercise develops the body, so meditation trains the mind. Through daily meditation sessions, you can learn to avoid negative emotions, not to succumb to passions that interfere with a sober view of circumstances and can ruin your life. With the help of meditation, a person plunges into a state of calmness and attains harmony with himself.

All things, objects, all living beings are all one energy. There were yogis on earth who could eat nails. That is, to put it simply, there is no meaning that there is, because all this is one single energy. And they didn't see the difference between eating nails and eating bananas. They are just different forms of the same energy.

It is difficult to understand, let alone accept and realize.

The earth has met many people who could do something that an ordinary person cannot. It seems to us all this strange, mysterious, stupid and implausible, but who knows how it really is.

This is beyond the control of our mind, but does it mean that it is not?

But it's not just about visible and tangible objects. This also applies to our feelings and emotions, thoughts. All this is one energy. Fear comes from the same energy as joy. But they just appear in various forms that are understandable for us, our body, our body, our mind.

You can imagine a beautiful sexy woman or a man (depending on what gender you are) and after a while you will feel the reaction of your body. But there is no one around, you are alone. Why is this happening? Your thoughts have become the source of body change. You imagined, you thought, and you got a physical response. Everything is born in us.

Accordingly, we ourselves can control our emotions and reactions to them. But that's okay. We look further.

Let's continue with sexual energy. By itself, it is of little use to us. This is the desire of the opposite sex. But in it, as I have said more than once on the pages of the site, tremendous power hidden... But how to make it so that you can feel it yourself.

One of the ways to transform it and transform it for possible use is the method of focusing on the energy of this feeling.

How to learn to control your emotions?

You don't need to do anything special for this. The energy of emotion will do everything by itself.

Our task is simply to feel the emotion or feeling as energy in the body. And she transforms herself.

This is not just about sexual energy. It works with feelings of fear, despair, sadness, frustration. This applies to all feelings and emotions. In terms of energy, all emotions are no different from each other.

Emotion can be felt inside your body.

Also, just as you might feel the energy of sexual arousal, you can simply try to feel the energy of fear when you are very scared. Just stop and listen carefully to yourself. You will understand that this emotion is concentrated somewhere in one place of your body, you can feel it as something that is inside you.

This is not just something abstract, you will clearly feel it. It is right here and now right in this place.

It is the sensation, the perception of one's emotion as energy, that transforms and transforms it.

Our experiences and worries do not arise out of the blue, but always have their own reasons for this. And they excite us most of all. We think about the reasons for the fear, about who or about who caused it. About the consequences. Thus, we drive ourselves even more into it. As I said, all emotions are born in us. We are their source.

You need to discard unnecessary thoughts about stories related to emotion. You just need to concentrate on the feeling itself, as in our example, fear.

The practice of transformation. Meditation.

How to learn to control your emotions through meditation? Transformation is best done in form.

Let's try.

The purpose of meditation... Feel emotion as energy, as created from it, direct your attention to it.

We don't think about how to transform energy or sublimate it when it comes to sexual energy. We simply focus our attention on emotions as energy. And that's all. The transformation happens by itself.

Let's try to use the energy of fear for meditation. Although, of course, you can try to remember those moments in life when you were very happy about something. Choose any emotion you want.

Remember, this is just energy. She has no characteristics, neither good nor bad.

Now I will try to describe the process of meditation, you will understand how it is done and you can practice it without any problems.

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As you know, a person is not just a physical being that needs food, sleep, etc. Each of us has emotions that are important and need to be expressed. Experienced psychologists advise not to keep your feelings in yourself and let them spill out - this way you can avoid stress and many psychological problems.

On the other hand, there must be a balance in everything.

A person who does not know how to restrain his emotions is like a car without brakes, which rushes along the highway, not paying attention to the signs, and then an accident is inevitable.

Our feelings, if mistreated, may not create, but destroy us and those around us.

How to learn to control your emotions?

This is the question we will try to answer in this article. By adhering to a few simple tips, you will learn what control and self-control are, learn to control yourself even in the most stressful and unforeseen situations.

1. Don't push yourself to the boiling point.

Contrary to many stereotypes, psychologists have proven that any, even the most unbridled disposition can be pacified, if you do not take yourself to extremes. And this applies not only to negative, but also to positive emotions. The development of self-control is something that comes from one's own experience and practice.

For example, you start to argue with someone and lose your temper, “heating up” like a boiling kettle.

Even if you were not the initiator of the conflict, but you feel that the management of emotions begins to get out of control, just stop, leave the room, take a break from communication. After a few minutes you will understand how correct this decision was. Thanks to a simple effort of will, you will be able to keep the nerves of yourself and your loved ones, and, in the end, just remain friends.

2. Don't make excuses.

Many overly emotional people (especially women) who do not know how to control their emotions often justify their behavior with anything - bad weather, temperament, creative nature, hormonal changes, etc. Of course, external factors have an impact on our psychological state, but not so much that it is impossible to keep it under supervision.

Begin to take responsibility for your actions and learn to control your emotions.

3. Beware of sudden emotional outbursts.

We live in an interesting time, when entertainment and sensations, which previously could only be dreamed of, became available. Cinemas with the effect of full presence and immersion in virtual reality, action-packed attractions, unthinkable roller coasters - all this can cause a violent surge of emotions. At first, it looks like euphoria, which makes us feel good, but then people with a not quite stable psyche may observe side effects such as increased heart rate, sweating, nausea, fear, etc. Therefore, before attending such events, it is important to learn how to restrain your emotions, and not take unnecessary risks.

4. Do breathing exercises.

For those who wish to know how to learn to control their emotions, it is important to pay attention to your breathing. We are not talking about some strange methods, but about the natural process of saturating the brain with oxygen. As soon as you feel, practice the following exercise: close your eyes and slowly inhale deeply through your nose. After holding your breath for a couple of seconds, exhale slowly through your mouth, and do the same actions 8-10 times. After exercise, you will notice a surge of vigor and emotional balance.

5. Choose a calm social circle.

Those who communicate with people who have a calm, docile nature are less interested in how to learn how to control their emotions. The principle is relevant here: do not piss me off, and you yourself will be better. The less you are provoked into conflicts and arguments, the easier it will be to control your emotions. No emotion, no problem. However, it is not a fact that being constantly only in such an environment, the development of self-control will be successful, since outside the habitually calm circle of communication, any stress can cause an uncontrolled flow of emotions.

6. Focus on solving the problem.

Most arise from confusion and panic, as a reaction to a problem that rises above us like an unbreakable rock. But any problem can be perceived from the other side - as a challenge, a specific task that we need to solve, using all our ingenuity and creativity. Whatever happens, control and self-control are always important. Pull yourself together and say out loud: there are no unsolvable situations, I can handle it, and I will do it in the best way!

For many people, regardless of gender, they can often get the better of their minds. This usually happens when it is not at all appropriate. It can be quite difficult to cope with oneself, especially if a person is by nature emotional and sensitive. Emotions are complex and. directly affect well-being, and well-being, in turn, affects thoughts. Learning to control your mind is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. In this article, we will figure out how to learn how to control your emotions and, relying on psychology and the knowledge of experienced specialists.

Pause

In stressful situations, you need to accustom yourself to pause. Do not overwhelm yourself with constant reflections on the topic of what upset you. Such a process will not only not get rid of the problem, but also will not allow looking at it from a different angle.

It is imperative to take a break so that the streams of thoughts go in a different direction, more pleasant for. Can get distracted by any of your hobbies: read an interesting or just an article on the Internet, watch a movie (positive, not dramatic) or funny, entertaining videos on YouTube.

Additionally, you can have a tasty drink with or sweets, or chat with loved ones on abstract topics. Now it is important to distract yourself with positive and pleasant actions for yourself, which will allow you to leave you for a certain time.

Did you know? Nature has endowed man with 43 muscles that are responsible for facial expressions. They help express the full range of emotions.

Watch your breath

Remember that emotions are a combination of physical reactions and thinking. reacts first to physical stimuliand then transforms them into emotions. For example, if you recall the sensations that a person experiences during, then this will necessarily be an increased heart rate, dry mouth, etc. If you start to control your breathing, it becomes possible to resist such physiological reactions.

First of all, you need to find a place where there are no external ones. It should be comfortable to be there. Breathe in deeply through your nose slowly. In the process of filling the lungs with air, the chest must also be expanded. Then you need to hold your breath for a moment, after which you also slowly exhale. Having made 6-10 such inhalations and exhalations within one minute, you can noticeably improve your condition.

Laugh

At first glance, this advice may seem rather strange. It would seem how you can force yourself if the problem overflows and it will be much easier. Despite this, the reception works very well. In almost every situation, you can find something silly, funny and funny. It is humor that will help a person to at least a little abstract from negative emotions, feel more comfortable, and also change the attitude towards emotions.

For example, if the cause of the frustration lies in an accidental slip of the tongue during an important presentation, then think of it not as a problem, but as a "funny glitch."

If the stress was caused by resentment and anger at your boss, whom you mentally call a "donkey," you can try to imagine your words literally, bringing the situation to the point of absurdity. Imagine a donkey with a briefcase, a suit, shirt, and tie. This is strange, illogical and somewhat stupid, but it will certainly amuse you and control your anger will be much easier.

Important! Humor is one of the most rewarding ways. This is due to the fact that funny words and objects require more work from the brain, as a result of which there are simply no resources left for processing negative emotions.

Go in for sports

Another recommendation on how to learn to control your emotions and not get nervous is execution. Many people who are actively exercising or just doing, notice an improvement in mood and a boost of vivacity for the whole day.

The fact is that with physical exertion, the body begins to produce endorphinsand they, in turn, contribute. Going in for sports, you can additionally set yourself some specific goal. For example, the number of kilometers that you want to cover, or the number of approaches per.

Thus, having achieved what you want, you can increase your self-esteem. In case you think that active sports are not for you, you can just in the park, or do some work on your garden plot, if there is one.

It is important that this is not a burden, you do not need to force yourself. During physical activity, the body temperature rises slightly, and this has a calming effect on the body of most people.

Important! If one or another emotion is imitated for a long time, a person will be seized by these feelings for real. This applies to both negative emotions (anger, disgust) and positive ones.

Work with your imagination

During an argument, you may want to raise your voice or even hit your opponent. The main reason for such negative manifestations is the accumulation of emotions within oneself. Play with your imagination. Imagine everything that you would like to say and do with the interlocutor in your head.

For example, if you are a woman and are very offended by your spouse, it is not at all necessary to be angry all day and be ready to pounce on your husband as soon as he crosses the threshold. Play an entire movie in your mind. What would you say to him, what would you hear in response? Imagine how you throw a crystal vase at him, it flies two centimeters from him, dodges.

Think through all the smallest details... So you can kill two birds with one stone. Firstly, in your mind you will already throw out all your negativity on your spouse, and he will not suffer from this. Most likely, after that you will not want to quarrel with him "the second time" when he comes home. And secondly, imagining such an absurd situation in your head, you may just feel funny and the negativity that tortures you will come to naught.

Did you know? A person feels this or that emotion for a time from a split second to several minutes. Unfortunately, negative emotions can last much longer.

Another way to work with imagination is to imagine that you are surrounded by an impenetrable fence, a wall. And all the negativity that is directed in your direction breaks, hitting this obstacle. It doesn't matter how this wall will look and what material it will be made of.

Perhaps it will be transparent and airy. The main thing is that behind this wall you feel yourself in complete peace and safety. You can also imagine that you have a lightning rod, with the help of which you, like thunderstorms, divert any negative actions from yourself.

Write on paper

How quickly you can learn to control yourself and not get angry, and not get nervous about any reason, directly depends on whether you can identify your emotional stimuli... People are all different, and each person can be upset and upset for different reasons. First of all, you need to understand what exactly causes such unpleasant emotions in you.

Keeping a journal can help. There you need to not only write down that you are upset, but indicate the specific circumstances that upset you. What exactly happened? How did you feel at a particular moment? How did you react? How would you like to react differently? This way of keeping a diary will teach you to analyze your emotions and control them in the future.

In case you are offended by your loved one, try to write to him. Of course, it is not necessary to send it, but it is worth writing. Describe in as much detail as possible what exactly does not suit you, what upsets, what you would like to change. Such an exercise will help to put your thoughts in order and release emotions outward, without causing harm to either loved ones or your body.

For those who love to draw, I recommend splashing out your feelings on paper. There you can draw whatever worries you... Draw a funny cartoon of a subject that annoys you. Draw circumstances that will relieve you of frustration and make you happy.

Follow your thoughts

A person's thoughts have a huge impact on his condition and well-being, so it is very important to monitor them. Thinking constantly about problems and negative aspects, you can attract only negative emotions to yourself all your life.

As you can see, learning to control emotions is not so difficult. It is important to accept the existence of the problem and use at least some of the proposed methods to solve it.