How to get bad thoughts out of your head. How to get rid of negative thoughts: advice from a psychologist. Causes of bad thoughts

Throwing Out Bad Thoughts - Expert tips to manage frustration and deal with toxic thinking.
Have you ever noticed that you just can't stop thinking about someone, about what someone has done or said, and how painful he has hurt you with his words or actions? When someone hurts us, our children, or those we love; gossips behind our back; or simply acting in ways that confuse us, we can get stuck in our thoughts about it for hours or even days. We can wash the dishes, drive the car, or walk the dog, but we cannot stop thinking about what evil and selfish things the person said. We cannot erase their faces, their words. Five hours, five days, five weeks later, and we see their faces in front of us, even if we haven't seen them all this time.
How can we stop this feeling? How can we stop thinking about a person or a situation, about what we should or could do differently, when the same thoughts are cyclically repeated, rewound, and pass through our consciousness over and over again? How to get bad thoughts out of your head?
This is toxic cyclical thinking. And most of us know that this kind of thinking is both emotionally and physically harmful to us.
In fact, research shows that reproducing bickering, hurt, or loss is fraught with marinating ourselves in a cascade of harmful inflammatory stress chemicals and hormones associated with almost every disease we can name. Increasingly, scientists are able to determine how such reflections affect various diseases, including depression, cancer, heart disease, and autoimmune diseases. Stress chemicals are often much worse for us than the things that actually happened.
the site offers several ideas to get rid of toxic cyclical thinking and get bad thoughts out of your head. Choose the ones that resonate with you the most.

1. "Let's just wait and see what happens next." We often feel the need to react to difficult situations or people right away, so we can take many rash steps. Psychologists advise, instead, to just give yourself permission and time to wait and see what happens next.

2. Move away from looking for someone to blame. Analyzing past events and trying to blame someone (including blaming yourself) are rarely productive choices. Bad things and misunderstandings are more likely to happen through a series of events, like a domino effect. No one person is, as a rule, completely to blame for the end result.

3. No matter what happened, the biggest problem we face is our own anger. Our anger creates a cloud of emotions that takes us away from the productive path. In this sense, our anger is actually our biggest problem. The solution to dealing with your anger can be meditation, walking, exercise - anything that will give you the opportunity to extinguish your anger before dealing with anyone else.

4. "Don't try to understand what others think." This is another tip to get the bad thoughts out of your head. Ask yourself if others would try to figure out what you think or what your motives are, do you think they would be right? They probably won't have the slightest idea what's actually going on in your head. So why bother trying to figure out what others think? The chances are very high that you will come to the wrong conclusion, which means a tremendous waste of time wasted.

5. Your thoughts are not facts. Don't treat them like they are. In other words, don't believe everything you think. We experience our emotions, anxiety, tension, fear and stress in our bodies. Our emotions are manifested physically. We often take this as a sign that our thoughts are real facts. Although the real reality and our thoughts about it are far from the same.

6. You are not a magician. When we reflect on past events, we often look for ways we could have done differently to prevent a wrong decision, an argument, or an outcome we regret. But what happened yesterday is also in the past, like what happened a thousand or more years ago, at the time of the existence of the Mayan civilization. We cannot change what happened back then, and we cannot change what happened a week ago.

7. Forgive the people who hurt you for your own good. You don't have to be loyal to your suffering. Yes, it happened. Yes, it was terrible. But is that what defines you? Forgiveness is not something we do for another person. We forgive so that we can live without the acute suffering that comes from looking at the past. In other words, forgive for your own sake.

8. Fill the space of your mind with other thoughts. Do this to get bad thoughts out of your head. Psychologists teach that presenting powerful vivid images helps us to stop inflammation, stressful thoughts in our mind. Here is one image recommended by meditation teachers: Imagine that you are at the bottom of a deep blue ocean. Just watch your thoughts move. Imagine that you are a deep, calm ocean.

9. Send them your grace. Psychologists also recommend that when you can't stop thinking about someone who hurt you or offended you, imagine that you are sending them a beautiful ball of white light. Place them in this ball of light. Surround them with this light until your anger disappears. Try it, it really works and it helps to get the bad thoughts out of your head.
Choose one or more of these methods to disrupt cyclical toxic thinking and break the thought pattern that occurs when you can't get the bad thoughts out of your head.

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Many people suffering from vegetative dystonia and not only are interested in the question: how to get rid of the bad thoughts that form in the head? Any nervous breakdown, in one way or another, is associated with negative thinking, when there are no positive thoughts, respectively, and a good mood. The good news is that we can remove negative thoughts if we follow certain guidelines, show perseverance and patience. As for the VSD, during the next attack, we ourselves escalate the situation and provoke the appearance of bad thoughts. If you know, you can resist them.

Before you know how to get rid of negative thoughts, you need to understand where they come from or how they are born. Among esotericists, it is believed that thoughts are not personal, that is, there is a kind of collective information field and we take thematic thoughts from there. However, do not forget about our own experience, as we try to predict a lot based on the available data. So, a person throughout his life, or rather, his brain, collects information.

Reinforced by certain emotions, all this forms our experience, both negative and positive. What happens most often? If in the past we received negative experience in a certain area, then in the future we are already programming ourselves to fail. A striking example is entrepreneurship. It often happens that a person is defeated and when he starts a new business, he has much less optimism and enthusiasm, since the brain perfectly remembers how it all ended last time. Accordingly, the entrepreneur thinks negatively, there is a lack of confidence in his abilities.

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A person in this situation has to work with himself, acquire new beliefs, if possible, visit a psychologist in order to remove bad thoughts and blocks. Imagine life as a stream of pure energy. When you start to experience stress, anxiety, insecurity, guilt, anxiety, and other negative thoughts, you throw stones (blocks) into the river that impede its progress. Accordingly, if we learn to let go of old memories and experiences, look at new situations with optimism, we will live easier, more interesting and achieve great success. Every person has grievances and until we get rid of them, we will worsen our lives every day. These can be bad memories from childhood or from adulthood. Learning to forgive is important. Then you will not have bad thoughts. The same applies to other negative feelings (fear, anger, envy, and so on).

A person has a great gift - the ability to concentrate. It is on our concentration that success in many matters depends. This is a kind of law of attraction - the more we think about the bad, the more we attract negative thoughts. It is our attention that fuels certain thoughts. As soon as we stop giving attention to the negative, it will lose its power and go nowhere. Surely you or your friends had vivid examples when fear for something instantly turned into reality. For example, you are walking on thin ice and are afraid to take every step, suddenly, it starts to crack and crack. Another person, who does not even know about it, passes by and nothing happens around. This is a real life example. Our thinking programs us and even influences the world around us.

Accordingly, the most important thing we have to work on is concentration. If we pay more attention to the positive, gratitude, joy, love, beauty and pleasant excitement, the brighter our life will become. Smiling at a passer-by, he will also smile at you. A smile can work wonders if you find the strength to show real sincerity and enjoy what is happening. Do not put on smiles, as is customary in American society. Try to be genuinely sincere and kind. Do a little experiment throughout the day and be kind to others and your coworkers. After a while, you will notice amazing feedback. It's like investing "money", which is then returned with interest.

How do we catch thoughts?

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Many people believe that they are thinking consciously, but this is a big misconception. To some extent, of course, this is true, but only at the moment when we make great efforts and concentrate on a specific topic. And even so, our brain as a receiver catches thoughts that fit our patterns, perceptions and experiences. A person cannot say what he will be thinking about in a minute or an hour. Most often it is a stream of endless information, and often garbage, that runs through our brain. To create a nice associative chain, compare thoughts to clouds. They are light, cloudy, heavy, fast, or slow. Sometimes it is very difficult to concentrate and think about only one topic. If concentration is poorly developed, we jump from topic to topic. All this suggests that thoughts live their own lives and, accordingly, we can distance ourselves from them. This is the main secret of success.

If thoughts live on their own, then we can let them pass by ourselves and selectively pay attention only to those that we like. If a person learns to work with the information field, his life will become much easier, more interesting and brighter. Try to step back for a minute and realize that thoughts are not you and observe them.

How do we catch thoughts? Our emotions and feelings play a big role. Imagine a person or their brain as a big magnet. If we are angry or hurt at a given time, we attract only negative thoughts. If a person feels gratitude and joy, thoughts of a completely different quality. Therefore, some religious teachings teach to let go of all your senses in order to distance yourself from thinking altogether. The pleasure of emptiness and vacuum delivers an incredible surge of strength and relaxation. The main thing is to understand that only your concentration attracts certain thoughts. By themselves, they have a neutral emotional coloring. And only our beliefs, outlook on life, make them good or bad for us.

How to banish bad thoughts?

Each person at a certain point in time has an exciting topic that causes inconvenience. The bottom line is that our consciousness avoids unpleasant topics, but the subconscious mind remembers everything, knows and is forced to struggle with unfinished problems. This creates a certain dissonance. The mind generates (catches) negative thoughts at the subconscious level, and we consciously try not to notice them. As a result, "we run like a squirrel in a wheel." We have already given an example of entrepreneurship above. This is a vivid example of when the subconscious mind tells us at the level of thoughts: “You will not succeed. Remember last time there was a failure. This time it will be the same. " We are at the level of consciousness and say in response: “This was the last time. If you don't try it, nothing will ever work. Do you remember when there was a situation when it turned out 2 or 10 times? " Thus, an internal dialogue takes place and the strongest wins.

As a result, there are at least two ways to get rid of bad thoughts from your head.

1. We use numerous psychological techniques that help us break patterns and stop thinking negatively. Cognitive psychology works well in this regard. She examines the situation from different angles, finds a vulnerability and removes erroneous thinking. Having won at the level of consciousness, the obsession with the problematic topic leaves the subconscious.
2. The second method is more suitable when we are simply plunged into negativity and cannot get out of it. Surely you had a state where you are falling into an emotional hole. In this case, you need to observe the thoughts and not enter into communication with them. This will be very difficult in the early stages, but try to disconnect yourself from them. In this case, there are several good techniques to help both clear your mind and just calm down.

• Stopping the internal dialogue (ATS). Concentrate on three different sounds. At each moment in time, you can find three constant or periodically repeating sounds. Close your eyes and direct all your attention to them. Of course, sometimes thoughts will carry you along, but as soon as you notice this, calmly return to the sounds and concentrate your attention on them again. If you manage to immerse yourself in the state of internal affairs, you will instantly throw off all the negativity from yourself and gain maximum vitality.
• If you cannot observe the sounds, there is another way. Once you find more space, close your eyes and start taking slow steps. Immerse yourself in this process completely. Observe how the leg comes off the floor, how it touches it, feel every element of the movement. The more you immerse yourself in this measured process, the more likely you are to get rid of the hustle and bustle. If within 3-5 minutes you use this technique, come back to life "refreshed" and "fresh".

Other ways to distract yourself from negativity

1. Music. It's no secret that music can cheer you up. Create your own playlist that will motivate you to new achievements. Don't forget about classical music, which has been scientifically proven to have a good effect on brain performance. Classics relieve tension and relax.
2. Physical exercises. Regular exercise is very helpful in dealing with stress. Overpower yourself, do push-ups, jump, just knead your body. If you often see yourself feeling depressed, sign up for the gym, pool and other sections where you need to actively move. For example, dancing can help relieve tension.
3. Walks in the open air.
4. Communication in a pleasant company. Friends, loved ones, and parents are incredible help. Often, after communication, we feel relieved and positive.
   Distance yourself in communication from people who constantly argue, are pessimistic and negatively affect the environment.
5. Thanks. This feeling can change a lot. Thank you corny for the food you eat, clothes, money, great weather, and many other little things.
   As a result, we can say that it is possible and necessary to remove negative thoughts if you follow the proposed recommendations. The main thing is to practice and achieve results.

Often, negative thoughts and feelings prevent us from enjoying the good things in life. Gradually, we begin to think more and more often about the bad, and immersion in negative thoughts becomes a habit that is difficult to eradicate. In order to overcome this habit (however, like any other), it is necessary to change the way of thinking.

When we worry about something, the last thing we need is for thoughts of bad things to intensify stress, so it is very important to learn how to cope with the endless stream of thoughts. In this article, we will tell you how to rid yourself of unnecessary worries.

Steps

Change your way of thinking

Think about today. When you are tormented by anxious thoughts, what do you think about most of the time? You are probably reliving past events (even if it happened a week ago) or thinking about what will happen in the future. In order to stop worrying, you need to remember about the present moment, about today. If you shift your attention from what has already happened or will be, to what is happening now, it will become easier for you to stop taking everything too negatively. But, as is often the case, this is not so easy to do. In order to learn to live in the present, you must first learn to concentrate on what is happening to you literally at this very minute.

• There is one simple technique: look at a soothing image (photo, painting). This will allow your head to rest and let go of all bad thoughts on its own, and this only happens naturally - that is, when you do not deliberately try to get rid of thoughts and do not wait until you finally succeed. This is a very simple yet powerful way to calm down and relax.
• If that doesn't work, try to distract your mind by counting from 100 to 7, or pick a color and look for all of the objects in that color in the room. This will get rid of the chaos in your head, and then you can again focus on the present moment.

1. Do not withdraw into yourself. One of the consequences of focusing on bad thoughts is often the increasing distance between you and the world around you. If you decide to get out of your shell and restore connection with the world, you will have less time and energy for bad thoughts. Do not scold yourself for negative thoughts or emotions - this will only make things worse. Perhaps you often thought that you really disliked someone, and then felt guilty about such thoughts or were angry with yourself because of this. Because of this perception, cause-and-effect relationships and incorrect attitudes are strengthened in the head, from which over time it becomes extremely difficult to get rid of. Below are some simple ways to switch from your inner world to your outer world.

   Develop self-confidence. Self-doubt in all the variety of its manifestations often becomes the main cause of heavy thoughts and strong feelings. This feeling constantly haunts you: whatever you do - it is everywhere with you. For example, when talking to a friend, you are constantly worried about how you look, what impression you make, instead of just talking. You need to develop self-confidence, and then it will be easier for you to live a fulfilling life and not torment yourself with destructive thoughts.

   • Try to do something fun on a regular basis - this will make you feel confident in your abilities. For example, if you are good at baking pies, enjoy the whole baking process: knead the dough with pleasure, enjoy the aroma that fills your home.
   • When you are able to develop the ability to live the present moment with joy, remember that feeling and repeat it as often as possible. Remember that the only thing that keeps you from feeling in the present is your perception, so stop harassing yourself with self-criticism.

   Understand How Consciousness Works

   1. Analyze your attitude towards negative thoughts or feelings. Since bad thoughts often just happen out of habit, they can come as soon as you stop taking care of yourself. Promise yourself not to focus on these thoughts, because you need to learn to not only let them go, but also not to allow new ones to appear.

      Watch yourself . Determine how your thoughts or feelings manage to control you. Thoughts have two components - the theme (what you think about) and the process (how you think).

      • Consciousness does not always need a topic - in cases of its absence, thoughts simply jump from one to another. Consciousness uses such thoughts in order to protect itself from something, or in order to calm and distract from something else - for example, from physical pain, from fear. In other words, when a defense mechanism is triggered, often consciousness simply tries to cling to something to give you a topic for thoughts.
      • Thoughts that have a specific theme have a very different character. Perhaps you are angry, worried about something, or thinking about a problem. Such thoughts are often repeated and always revolve around the same thing.
      • The difficulty lies in the fact that consciousness cannot be constantly absorbed by a topic or process. In order to rectify the situation, it is worth remembering that thoughts alone cannot help matters. Often we do not want to let go of thoughts and feelings, because we want to better understand the situation: for example, if we are angry, we think about all the circumstances of the situation, all participants, all actions, and so on.
      • Often our desire to think about something is simple think turns out to be stronger than the desire to let go of thoughts, which greatly complicates the whole situation. The desire to think only for the sake of the "thinking" process can lead to self-destruction, while this struggle with oneself is another way to escape from the situation that initially caused thoughts. It is necessary to overcome the desire to constantly comprehend something and learn to let go of thoughts, and after a while the desire to let go of thoughts in all cases will be stronger than the desire to scroll something in the head without stopping.
      • Another problem is that we are used to thinking of thoughts as part of our personality. A person is not ready to admit that he himself can inflict pain and suffering on himself. There is a generally accepted opinion, according to which it is believed that all feelings concerning oneself are valuable. Some feelings lead to negative experiences, others not. Therefore, it is always necessary to look closely at the thoughts and feelings in order to understand which ones are worth leaving and which ones are worth letting go.

   2. Try some experiments.

      • Try your best not to think about a polar bear or anything incredible like a raspberry flamingo with a cup of coffee. This is a rather old experiment, but it reveals the essence of human thinking very well. When we try to refrain from thinking about the bear, we suppress both the very thought of it and the idea that we need to suppress something. If you deliberately try not to think about the bear, the thought of it will not go anywhere.
      • Imagine holding a pencil in your hands. Think about the fact that you want to quit it. In order to throw a pencil, you need to hold it. As long as you think about giving it up, you keep it. Logically speaking, the pencil cannot be dropped as long as you hold it. The harder you want to throw, the more force you hold on to it.

   3. Stop fighting thoughts by force. When we try to overcome any thoughts or feelings, we try to gather more strength to strike, but because of this, we grab onto these thoughts even more. The more effort, the more stress on the mind, which responds to all these attempts with stress.

      • Instead of trying to forcefully get rid of thoughts, you need to loosen your grip. The pencil can fall out of the hand by itself - in the same way, thoughts can go away on their own. It may take time: if you tried to forcefully eradicate some thoughts, the mind could remember your attempts, as well as its response.
      • When we go over our thoughts in an attempt to understand them or try to get rid of them, we do not budge, because thoughts simply have nowhere to go. As soon as we stop dwelling on this situation, we let them go.

   Learn new

   1. Learn to cope with thoughts. If a thought or feeling comes back to you over and over again, there are many ways to keep it from engulfing you.

      • There is probably a movie that you have watched many times, or a book that you have re-read. You always know what will happen next, so you are not so interested in watching a movie or reading this book again. Or maybe you've done something so many times that you don't want to do it again because you know how bored you will be. Try to transfer this experience to a situation with thoughts: as soon as you lose interest in thinking about the same thing, the thought will go away on its own.

   2. Don't try to run away from negative thoughts and emotions. . Are you tired of the exhausting thoughts that are always with you, but have you really tried to deal with them? Sometimes a person tries to pretend that something is not, instead of accepting it. If you do this with negative thoughts or emotions, they can stay with you forever. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and then let go of unnecessary emotions. If your mind is forcing thoughts and emotions on you, it can make you judge yourself. There are many manipulative mechanisms in our minds, and we are not even aware of many of them. Consciousness manipulates us, as it seeks to control us through dependence on a variety of things and strong desires. By and large, we are driven by our addictions.

      • Remember that your happiness is in your hands, that feelings and emotions should not determine how you manage your life. If you allow your past or future experiences and obsessions to control you, you will never be able to live a fulfilling life.
      • Control your thoughts yourself. Turn them inside out, change them - in the end, you will realize that you have power over thoughts, not them - over you. Replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts is a temporary measure, but it can be extremely helpful at the right time. It will be easier for you to let go of thoughts if you feel that you yourself are able to control everything.
      • If your thoughts revolve around a problem that you still have to solve, do your best to come up with ways to get out of the problem situation. Do your best, even if the situation seems completely hopeless.
      • If your thoughts and feelings are related to a sad event (such as the death of a relative or the end of a relationship), allow yourself to feel the sadness. Look at the photos of the person you miss, think about the good things that you have experienced together, and cry if this makes you feel better - all this is human. It is also helpful to write about your feelings in a journal.

   Remember the good

   1. Remind yourself of the good. If you're stressed, tired from work, or just feeling overwhelmed, bad thoughts may come back again. In order to prevent them from completely engulfing you, use special methods of dealing with unwanted thoughts that will prevent them from taking root.

      Visualize. This method will be especially useful for those who are very busy and who do not have enough time to rest. It is necessary to present in detail some pleasant place: it can be a memory of a place where you felt good, and a fictional place.

   2. Think about your accomplishments. The world gives us many opportunities to enjoy life: you can help others, finish your business, achieve certain goals, or simply get out into nature with your family or have dinner with friends. Thinking about the pleasant develops self-confidence and makes us more receptive to the good.

      • Give thanks for what you have. For example, write down three things for which you are grateful to the universe. So in the head, you can quickly "put things in order" and get rid of the flow of thoughts.

   3. Take care of yourself. Feeling unwell will prevent you from fully enjoying life and staying optimistic. When a person takes care of his body and takes care of his state of mind, negative thoughts and emotions simply have nothing to cling to.

      • Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep lowers vitality and does not contribute to a good mood, so try to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep a day.
      • Eat well. A balanced diet will allow your brain to get all the nutrients it needs. Include plenty of fruits and vegetables in your diet.
      • Go in for sports. Regular exercise will help you not only stay in shape, but also fight stress. Both will contribute to better well-being and allow you to free yourself from heavy thoughts.

The formula for mood, psychoemotional and psychophysiological well-being is simple: "As I think, so I feel myself"... However, some people appear, as if automatically, many different negative, obsessive, sometimes bad and even bad thoughts in their heads, which, in fact, organize negative emotions, bad mood, sometimes obsessive (obsessive-compulsive), often bad behavior and physiological , autonomic reactions of the body, leading to depression, etc.

Most of these emotionally distressed people would like to know how to get rid of bad, obsessive, negative and bad thoughts in your head, in order to come to harmony within your personality, not to suffer mentally and to move towards success in life.

In psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, there are many different techniques and methods of getting rid of thoughts in the head, including obsessive, negative thoughts. Today we will look at how to use in practice, sometimes, perhaps independently, or with the help of a psychologist-psychotherapist, one of these techniques: "Public value" or "Distance".

Learn how to get rid of negative, obsessive, bad and bad thoughts in your head using this psychotechnique

This technique, for getting rid of negative, bad thoughts in the head, is both simple and complex - at the same time. Simple because it is easy to understand and master - difficult because in order for it to work and for you to get rid of your obsessive, bad thoughts in your head, you need to practice a little. Those. you need to have a real desire, motivation and be ready to work on yourself and your negative thoughts.

For that, those who learn to automatically apply it in practice, in life, will be given not only the knowledge of how to get rid of obsessive, bad thoughts in the head, but also the skill (skill) to get rid of grief, fears, anger, panic, etc. ., in various life situations.

So, the principles of the technique, how to get rid of bad (bad), obsessive, negative thoughts in the head

The principles of this psychotechnics are related to the method of "Depersonalization of personality", i.e. the basis is how you perceive various events (situations) in your life and how and what you think (think).

Any life situation (event) has both personal, subjective (internal), private meaning, and public, external, public.
Personal significance is related to the intensity of the emotions that you experience during the event taking place - you are subjective in this. Public significance - This is the external interpretation of the event, from the point of view of observers.

The difference between them can be compared to the difference between our reaction to the sudden bruising of our own finger with a hammer and our reaction to the fact that we saw someone become a victim of the same misfortune. The only way to change your negative, obsessive thoughts, which give a strong emotional component that leads to a biased perception, is to learn to depersonalize (see) your inner beliefs - to change your perception of the world somewhat, look at the world and this event from an objective point of view, from the outside.

A technique on how to get rid of your negative, obsessive, bad and bad thoughts in your head

1. You need to learn to distinguish between the perceived event and your thoughts about the event.

2. Look at the event from a social and personal perspective. Social significance can be seen if you practice seeing the situation from the point of view of other people. The event must be objectified. Rememberthat you already have a public view, since throughout your life you have been able to observe others in a thousand different situations. Transfer your perception of other people to yourself.

3. In order to transfer the meaning of events from the personal to the public, you must learn to remove from your own perception the following: emotional variables, intense self-observation and certain metaphysical assumptions. Obviously, this cannot be fully implemented, but the more you can get closer to it, the more objective your view of what is happening will be.

4. After you understand the concept of social meaning, make a list of the main situations that you encountered, as well as public and personal meanings for each of them.

5. First, you will need to interpret the event from a public point of view, after you automatically perceived it from a personal point of view. As you gradually develop, you will be able to bring the objective view of the event closer and closer to the time of its occurrence and in the end replace personal perception with public one during the event itself.

Examples of using the technique of getting rid of obsessive, negative (bad, bad) thoughts in the head

First example

1. Event: anxiety attack. Personal meaning: "I will die".

Public value: adrenaline and other substances are released into the bloodstream.

2 Event: criticism by another person.

Personal meaning: “I must have done something wrong. I am incomplete. "

Public value: “Someone expresses his disagreement with what I have done. The reasons for this are unknown. "

3 Event: failure in a business project.

Personal meaning: "I am incompetent, I am a failure, I am going down the ladder of success."

Public value: "The planning and preparation was not effective enough."

4 Event: lack of arguments.

Personal meaning: "I am a weakling, balabol and bore."

Public value"He knew more on this matter than I did and, perhaps, is more experienced in disputes."

5 Event: few friends.

Personal meaning: "In essence, it is impossible to love me."

Public value: "I don't try to make friends and I don't treat people very kindly."

6 Event: failures in sports.

Personal meaning: "I'm not a worthy man."

Public value: "I don't have enough reflexes, training, practice."

7 Event: became seven kilograms heavier than she was at 17.

Personal meaning: "I forgot about self-discipline."

Public value: "A 37-year-old woman and a teenager have different metabolic processes."

Second example, getting rid of obsessive, negative (bad, bad) thoughts in the head:

Personal meaning human fear is a perception of the world when it seems that something terrible is about to happen and this must be avoided at all costs.

Public, objective significance is that a real danger may or may not be present, and it is necessary to look at the situation and determine whether it really exists.

People who need guidance to look at danger from a subjective rather than a social perspective can use the following five principles.
In general, fear is objective if:

1. There is a real danger to the person that can cause real harm. It is unreasonable to be afraid of the monsters under the bed, because they do not exist, and what does not exist cannot harm us. (Some people are afraid of witches and sorcerers.)

2. The level of fear is equal to the level of possible damage. The fear of planting a small splinter in the heel will be unjustified, as it outweighs the potential danger. (Some individuals are afraid to behave immodestly in public.)

3. Fear corresponds to the likelihood that trouble will occur. If a person is afraid that a meteorite will kill him, then his fear will be irrational, because the probability of this event is too small. (Some people are noticeably afraid of such unlikely events as plane crashes, although it is clear that the frequency of car accidents is much higher.)

4. The hazard can be controlled. The fear that the sun will turn into a supernova is meaningless because the event is beyond human control. (Many people fear that they may have an underlying inherited disease.)

5. Fear is useful if it manifests itself in a situation where it will keep a person on alert in the face of a danger that can be avoided. (Being vigilant about getting a "nervous breakdown" in no way diminishes the likelihood of this).

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Probably, every adult is familiar with the feeling when, after breaking up a relationship, you endlessly "chew" what happened and just can't get unnecessary thoughts out of your head.

website found advice from eminent psychologists that help to cope with experiences. And not only after unhappy love, but any situations that “don't let us go”.

1. Speak less and pause

Try to pause when talking to the person who is causing the emotional storm. There is time to cool down and look differently at what has been said. Less words will be said, which you will have to regret later... And over time, anger and irritation can simply dissipate.

2. Wait and see what happens next

We feel the need to react to the situation, to what is said and to the people themselves immediately. And we do a lot of rash things. Psychologists advise: take your time, allow yourself to take a break... And see what happens next.

3. Stop looking for the culprit

Constant analysis of the past in order to find someone to blame or to blame yourself for everything rarely leads to a result. Usually a series of events are involved in what happened and everything happens according to the domino principle. Just accept that what happened happened. Now you need to look for a way out.

4. Do not try to "fit" into someone else's head

Ask yourself: if others try to understand what you think and what your motives are, will they be right? Most likely, they will not have the slightest idea what is really going on in your head. The same holds true for other people: the chances are high of drawing the wrong conclusions and wasting time.

5. Deal with the biggest problem first

Regardless of what happened, the biggest problem is usually our own anger. He literally shrouds with emotions and leads away from solving the problem. Try to extinguish your anger through meditation, walking, or exercise. Or any activity that can calm you down.

6. Develop new skills and play sports

When the brain switches to learning something new, unnecessary thoughts gradually fade away. Every time we master an unfamiliar process, we focus on it and start thinking less. By the way, you can also switch using physical activity.

7. Express the negative on paper and destroy it

Scientists have proven that by putting dark thoughts on paper and then destroying it, we relieve the stress and discomfort caused by those thoughts. The process itself allows understand your feelings more deeply when you formulate them in writing... But mental recording does not have such an effect.

8. Remember that our thoughts are not facts

Reality and our thoughts are not the same thing. Our emotions are reflected in us physically: stress, anxiety, tension and fear we feel with our whole body, which forces us to perceive thoughts as facts. But this is not the case.

9. Understand what this experience can teach and how it can help in the future

Think what lessons have ended relationshipsand take them as an experience. If you understand why this relationship was needed, it will be easier to put an end to it. Any failure is a chance to correct your future and rise to a new level of internal development.