Human behavior is in most cases a manifestation of his emotional state, unconscious fears and desires, complexes. And if a person is unable to cope with his inner feelings, then his behavior can easily become not very pleasant for others. One of the negative manifestations of the psychological state is crying.

Why does a person scream: the main reasons

• Shouting, rudeness in a conversation, an argument is resorted to by those who cannot convey their thoughts, prove their case in other ways. This is often characteristic of people who are not very smart, as well as those who, deep down, admit that they are wrong, but still strive to get what they want in some way.
• To show “who is the boss in the house”, that is, to achieve recognition of their authority, power.
• They shout in order to take out their anger, bitterness, resentment, envy and other negative emotions on others. That is, to make the other feel bad, as if avenging him for his own misfortune (even if the person is completely not to blame for this).
• Often those people who are accustomed to this kind of communication raise their voices and are rude. Perhaps this is how they communicated in their family. Or maybe a person in childhood was given little attention, and he was used to attracting him to himself through screaming, impudent antics, rudeness.

As you can see, regardless of the reason for the cry, we are dealing with a person who clearly has something wrong in his life. Understanding this, you may be easier to endure this kind of rudeness, not to perceive it as a personal insult. After all, a cry is nothing more than a manifestation of a person’s internal discomfort.

We know what a cry is, because with this sound we informed the world about our birth :-). By shouting we express our joys, pleasant surprises and delights. But the cry in our life has a negative aspect.

Incomprehensibility, inaudibility, self-indulgence ... And in an ordinary conversation, for some reason, without noticing it ourselves, we begin to speak in raised tones, turning it into a tough discussion, and turn to shouting. And why strain your voice, spend a lot of energy and minutes of precious time on tears in colloquial speech?

Let's analyze a little and take a fresh look at the cry.

Why is the person screaming? There may be several reasons. Main:

• character traits (the predominance of the choleric type);
• upbringing (reproduction of the behavior model learned in childhood in the family);
• the costs of the profession (for example, the military);
• lack of happiness, threat to life;
• anger at one's inferiority;
• repetition of a number of negative events, failures in life (“black streak”);
• somewhere there is really a fire or "internal fire" :-).

What to do?

Understand that crying is a signal for help. You need to see through the words and the volume of the voice, to understand what is happening. A person's cry often means: “I can't handle the situation. Help me".

Let's look at the situation from the outside. Let's take a scream at work as an example.

Some leaders have not "grown up" - they use a primitive "dinosaur" method: "Which dinosaur yells louder, that one is in charge." But in fact, modern management has long been telling us to practice the method “Praise in front of everyone, but talk about shortcomings (shout) only in private.” It should be understood that the manager has selected a team for himself, and if someone did not cope, this means that it was the manager who inadequately assessed the employee’s competence when hiring, or assigned the wrong job, or incorrectly explained, or did not provide enough resources to perform, and something went wrong. But it's still the manager's fault. And shouting at a subordinate in front of everyone means elevating yourself at the expense of the one whom he himself hired and to whom he so clumsily set the task. But if in front of everyone to praise for the fact of an effective work result, this means, firstly, to raise self-esteem, inspire and consolidate the actions of the employee as correct, and secondly, to show everyone who heard the praise that success will be noticed and celebrated in front of everyone, and this the head recruited good specialists :-).

Everything will be decided. And in a couple of years you won't even remember what the cry was about. You should understand the priorities and firmly believe that there is a way out. It is only necessary to choose an adequate method for solving a specific problem.

An example from the animal kingdom. Remember that even in the most hopeless situation, there are at least three options for action. So the wolf is chasing the rabbit. It would seem that everything. No exit. And there are options. REMEMBER and look for the best solution in a particular situation: FORWARD-STAND-BACK. What does this mean, I explain. The hare will not attack the wolf (the FORWARD option is not suitable here). Therefore, the hare has more options: STAND (in this case, disguise, hide) or BACK (i.e. run quickly and maneuverably). I hope the example was accessible and instructive.

How to do?

• Runaway target. Try to calmly explain that you hear well, that you do not have hearing problems. If there is a lot of screaming and nerves begin to fail, say that you are in a hurry (to the pharmacy, store, to a meeting), and offer to state the essence of the problem on paper, in an email.
• Elephant or bucket. To curb your overwhelming urge to scream too, try silently replacing your negative thoughts with positive visuals. Imagine that a pink elephant’s trunk is screaming instead of a nose, that a bucket of glitter or something else is pouring over it. But don't fantasize too much. If you introduced and became calmer, let the screamer finish his speech, now think about solving the situation that was discussed in the conversation. If you fantasize a lot and laugh, the interlocutor will make it stop, but if you remain silent for a long time, the interlocutor will begin to find out why you are mocking him. And here it is important to say: “I've been thinking about ways to solve our problem. Tell me, can we calmly solve everything?
• start barking- a non-standard approach for non-work conversations. When asked why you barked, answer : “I so want to calmly resolve everything that I couldn’t find human words in such a noise for an answer. Let's move forward to human ways of dealing with the current situation. So what do you suggest as a solution?
• Whisper. Most often, the screamer simply does not hear you, because his personal cry blocks his auditory channels. And if a scream is answered with a scream, then he may start screaming even louder or use force. Pause as soon as the interlocutor calms down a little, start speaking in a calm tone and almost whisper: “I understand (understood), let’s calm down and think about how we can successfully solve this problem.”
• Marine figure freeze in place. Stop nodding your head and be silent, look away to the left, look into the eyes again and look at the bridge of your interlocutor's nose. A nod of the head is a primitive response: “Yes. Yes, continue". But the absence of head movements and a 15-second fading of the body makes the screamer slow down the pace of speech and calm down, an unconscious thought flashes through the brain: “Why is there no previous reaction to my cry? What happened?". In this situation, the screamer very quickly begins to get tired of tearing his throat in complete silence, and he calms down.

Remember the phrase: "A person screams when he is dissatisfied with himself." Everything that happens in your life, directly or indirectly, is connected with your thoughts, actions or inaction.

Below is an interesting and instructive parable. You will like it and you will draw the right conclusions :-).

Love does not need a voice, love accompanies silence. The one who wants to prove to another what this other strongly doubts needs a voice. Shouting becomes an additional argument, although it never has power, even if you shout very loudly.

One day Master asked his students, "Why do people shout when they quarrel?"

“Because they lose their calm,” said one.

“But why shout if the other person is next to you? the Teacher asked. Can't you talk to him quietly? Why scream if you're angry?"

The students offered their answers, but none of them satisfied the Teacher. Finally, he explained, “When people are dissatisfied with each other and quarrel, their hearts drift away. In order to cover this distance and hear each other, they have to shout. The more angry they are, the louder they scream.

What happens when people fall in love? They do not shout, on the contrary, they speak softly. Because their hearts are very close and the distance between them is very small. And when they fall in love even more, what happens? They do not speak, but only whisper, and become even closer in their love. In the end, even whispering becomes unnecessary for them. They just look at each other and understand everything without words. This happens when there are two loving people nearby.

So, when you argue, don't let your hearts drift apart, don't utter words that further increase the distance between you. Because the day may come when the distance becomes so great that you will not find your way back.”

You can scream ... only from happiness: from joyful news, from a pleasant meeting with loved ones and relatives; when your child was born; when you have succeeded.

We have the right to happiness, it is in our hands and we can enjoy life!

Have a good mood and a promising life!

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything it is poured on." (c) Mark Twain

Shouting is a topic that applies to every person on this planet, because everyone has raised their voice at least once in their lives. Some people scream regularly, but we're all guilty of screaming at some point. There are ways to respond to a screamer that will help defuse the situation, rather than continue to aggravate it.

Yelling in a relationship is not healthy and its results do not bring anything good. A person may give in to a screamer at the moment of screaming to stop him, but once everything goes back to normal, they usually return to their minds, because screaming did not permanently change their worldview. For example, a mother who yells at her children to pick up their toys gets the result that the kids are picking up their toys at the time. But that doesn't change their worldview to the fact that they must collect their toys all the time. Children will learn to collect toys, if they are taught the system of carrots and sticks, then they will understand the importance of collecting toys.

Yelling ruins relationships. This is not a constructive method of dealing with a difficult situation, but every person resorts to yelling. Some more than others. You must be aware of your own screaming, understand why some people scream all the time, and also know how to deal with a screamer.

When someone in life constantly yells at you, they are expressing emotional tyranny towards you. Their goal is to take advantage of the situation and yelling is their way of gaining control over you. This is a form of intimidation. Shouting might work for a while. But prolonged use of the results of screaming does not bring any good, because this way makes a person do what the screamer wants. Yelling is not good for a relationship, it actually destroys healthy communication and intimacy in a relationship.

Why are people screaming?

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything it is poured on.” - Mark Twain

When someone gets angry and screams, there are many reasons why they scream. Most of the reasons why they yell are not worth a yell, so it is important that the person being yelled at responds correctly, i.e., should not respond by yelling to yelling. It is important to understand why someone screams, because most often screaming is an indicator of problems in the human psyche that are absolutely not related to the person being shouted at. Their cry is a display of emotional instability, even though it should show strength and dominance in a situation. The following are some of the reasons why people scream when they are angry:

Inability to deal with difficulties

Many people scream because it is their habitual mechanism of behavior in difficult situations. But such a mechanism does not have good long-term results. If a person yells because that's how they've learned to deal with life's challenges, they need help finding better ways to manage their emotions. He can use emotional outbursts to cope with difficulties, and this is not healthy for him or for those who get emotional.

Loss of control

A person can be a screamer because they feel they are losing control of the situation. They can be overwhelmed with thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and they feel a loss of control over everything at once. It's a big confusion for them, so they scream to get control of how they feel. They lack the skill to cope with difficulties and gain a sense of control over the situation and surroundings, so they resort to shouting to feel in control. They may get this sense of control, but most of the time it's temporary because most problems aren't solved by yelling. It may seem that the person agreed with the screamer, just to calm him down, but in reality, the problem remains unresolved.

Feeling threatened

Often abusers are people with a very sensitive emotional core and they try to protect that core. Every time they feel that the core is under threat, they act. Shouting is one of the tools they use whenever they feel threatened.

Aggressive tendencies

Some people are just aggressive personalities. They may scream and aggression may escalate into physical violence. It's rare to see a fight that doesn't start with a raised voice, yell, or yell. If someone you don't know very well yells at you, you have to be careful because yelling can lead to a physical collision.

It is important to avoid reacting aggressively to aggressive screamers, because it is like adding fuel to the fire of their anger and everything can escalate into a fight. This is more likely to be the case if they have such tendencies and you yell back at them.

learned behavior

Some people become screamers because they grew up in an environment where they were born and screamed regularly. They have learned that when a conflict is raised, the voice is raised. They have not learned the right behavior when faced with conflicts or difficult situations. Crying has always been their usual reaction to situations in which they feel uneasy.

Feeling of worthlessness

Some people raise their voices and yell because they feel like the other person is not listening. They may even have already repeated the sentence several times, and in the end, they resort to shouting because the other person does not respond to a different tone. This often happens when parents yell at their children. Parents feel that their children are not listening, so instead of repeating the same thing over and over, they yell at their children. The problem is that it actually scares the kids. Yelling is also very harmful to children and studies show that it is as harmful as physical abuse.

What reactions should be avoided with a screamer

The worst possible reaction to a scream is to scream back. Nothing will go right if you are yelling at someone who is yelling at you. There are other reactions that can make the situation worse and should be avoided. Among them: inciting a screamer, questioning what they say, defending themselves, and criticizing a person during a confrontation.

There are better ways to deal with a screamer. Below are the steps you should use to manage and hopefully calm a screamer.

1. Stay calm and don't increase their anger. Remember that when a person screams, the problem is not with you, but with him. They do not know how to cope with difficulties or they have another reason for screaming that has nothing to do with you. If you react, they will react to your reaction and the situation will continue to get worse. Remain calm, even if you are boiling inside. It's not worth feeding their yelling as the situation will only get worse and problems are rarely resolved when the two sides yell at each other. Problems are much more likely to be resolved in a calm tone. Be part of the solution, not the problem, by staying calm and using a calm tone.
2. Take a mental step back to assess the situation. Before you take any action in a situation, mentally pause to assess what is happening. This will allow you to decide whether to wait for the screamer to calm down or just walk away. If an ordinary acquaintance yells at you and it doesn’t matter to you whether he will be offended if you leave, then just leave. You do not have to tolerate disrespect if these people are not important in your life. If your boss is yelling at you and you know that if you leave when he says it might cost you your job, then it may be worth waiting and talking about yelling with your boss later if this happens all the time and now it interferes with your effective work.
3. Do not agree with the screamer to calm them down, because this provokes a scream in the future. If you agree with the screamer and accordingly agree to do or say something that they ask, you approve of their cry. Going along with someone who yells at you only encourages them to yell at you to get what they want in the future. Avoid this type of comfort because it will come back to you in the future and you will be yelled at more often.
4. Respond calmly to the cry. In most cases, when someone yells at you, your emotions are aroused and you feel the need to respond. Reacting with yelling, criticism, or other negative manifestations will aggravate the situation, you need to do everything in your power to control your thoughts and emotions so that you can deal with the real problem, which is their screaming. Let the person know that you will not tolerate yelling despite the situation or problem. Say it politely and calmly, and you're more likely to get a positive response, like an apology, or at least they realize they're yelling. Some people don't even realize what they are screaming. Then your next step is to ask that person for a break.
5. Ask this person for a break. Once you've dealt with the yelling, the next step is to ask that person to leave you so you can think. You may also need time to calm down, because their screaming has skyrocketed your adrenaline levels, and you don't know how much longer you can keep it inside. When you ask someone to take a break, it should be more of a statement than a question, especially if it's not your boss. If it's your partner, friend, or anyone else, it's perfectly acceptable to say that you need a break and time (a few minutes, a day, or whatever YOU need) to think things through and respond appropriately and calmly.
6. When you feel your emotions have subsided and you know how to deal with what you've been yelling about, you can come back to talk to that person. Give yourself time to process the situation, what was said, and how you want to respond. For some situations, such as relationships, this can take several days because the emotions take longer to settle down. If it's the boss and you know you can't wait too long because there are deadlines and your job is at stake, then use a calming technique like deep breathing or visualization techniques to process the situation quickly so you can get back to it as soon as possible. before.

Move on with better conditions

Because you've taken the time to let the person know that yelling is inappropriate, and you've asked the person to take a break immediately after the yell, it's less likely that the person will yell at you now. If they want to continue the conversation, they will need to remain calm in order to discuss the desired topic with you. Not only are you protecting yourself and showing that person that you won't let yourself be treated this way, but you're also helping them understand that their behavior is unacceptable. If more people did this when they were being yelled at, then we would all have more opportunities to avoid being yelled at.

If yelling has become a habit and your new actions haven't changed their behavior, then it might be time to ask them to sit down and discuss their yelling. As you speak, let the person know how the yelling is affecting you. For example, you feel very sad after yelling and you don't want to be around that person for a while. Also let them know how it affects your relationship. For example, that it creates an emotional gap between you. If they respond that "I am who I am," let them know that this is not acceptable.

Some people also don't know how to change their behavior. Professional help (such as therapy, counseling, or anger management courses) is available for people who have problems with crying. They need to realize that the problem is affecting their relationship and that changes are needed to heal those relationships.

Yelling is destructive, so don't let them continue to destroy you or your relationship by enduring screaming.

Constantly yelling and cursing

Asks: Milana, St. Petersburg

Gender Female

Age: 53

Chronic diseases: not specified

Hello, help me please. I really need your advice. My name is Milana, I am 19 years old. The fact is, lately, I began to suspect that my mother was mentally ill. I don’t know what is happening to her, maybe the whole thing is at the age of 53, and every woman at that age is going through menopause, maybe that’s how it affects her. Maybe it's loneliness and lack of communication. Or maybe she really needs psychiatric help. However, I will tell you what the matter is, and you yourself will analyze what is happening to her. The fact is that my mother raised and raised my sister and me alone, she was both for dad and mom. She worked tirelessly to feed and raise us. My sister now lives abroad, she already has her own family, and I am still in college in my 3rd year. My mother and I have always had an imperfect relationship. But lately my life has become unbearable. I don't even want to go home. It all started after I arrived from another city. In which was about 9 months. I worked there. Upon arrival home, my mother began to harass me. She constantly finds fault with me for no reason, swearing. Swears. Offends me for nothing, she tries every day to get me emotional. She likes when I explode when I cry. I can see how happy she is that I reacted to her. I tried to ignore her. But it pisses her off even more. She sits against the looks and says insults and unpleasant things to my face. And waiting for my response. After that, she can come up in 30 minutes and say that I do not communicate with her. I don't like her and I don't appreciate her. And it demands my attention. But after she tells me all sorts of nasty things, I absolutely do not want to communicate with her. Talk and see her in general. She says at every opportunity that I'm not all right with my head. That I'm a schizophrenic. What me instead of studying. He must be sent to a psychiatric hospital for treatment. She constantly tries to impose on me that I'm crazy. And this topic has become just her favorite. She has nothing more to say about me, I study well. I don't drink or smoke. I do not know what happened to her during this period of time while she was alone. But living with her became simply unbearable. She can say the same thing 200 times. She has one negative. She constantly demands attention. Can sit for hours and talk out loud how bad I am. And the theme that everyone around is crazy has become just her favorite. She just turned into a tyrant. I don't understand what's going on with her. Help me please. Is there any way I can help her? Because I love her. And it's hard for me to watch it all. Thanks a lot

1 answer

Don't forget to rate the doctors' answers, help us improve them by asking additional questions on the topic of this question.
Also do not forget to thank the doctors.

Milana, your mother has at least psychological difficulties, it seems that she is losing control over her condition and is projecting her problems onto you. What is in her soul is difficult to understand through the explanations of a third person, even her daughter, but she broadcasts something important to her. What are the consequences of pathological menopause? Awareness of rapidly advancing old age? Difficulties with the environment outside of contact with you? Unknown.
How to help my mother - I can’t say, or rather, I can’t figure out how to force her to get help. The law protects citizens from the intervention of the psychiatric service until the person decides to seek help himself or commits an act that threatens the health and life of his own or someone else's. That is, if she does not want to get help, you will not force her.
You live in a constant psychotraumatic situation. Think about how to help yourself - contact a psychologist to work through the trauma, change your place of residence.

If you did not find the information you need among the answers to this question, or if your problem is slightly different from the one presented, try asking additional question doctor on the same page, if he is on the topic of the main question. you also can ask a new question, and after a while our doctors will answer it. It's free. You can also search for relevant information in similar questions on this page or through the site search page. We will be very grateful if you recommend us to your friends in in social networks.

Medportal site provides medical consultations in the mode of correspondence with doctors on the site. Here you get answers from real practitioners in your field. At the moment, on the site you can get advice in 48 areas: an allergist, anesthesiologist-resuscitator, venereologist , gastroenterologist, hematologist , genetics , gynecologist , homeopath , dermatologist , pediatric gynecologist, pediatric neurologist, pediatric urologist, pediatric surgeon, pediatric endocrinologist, nutritionist , immunologist , infectious disease specialist , cardiologist , cosmetologist , speech therapist , ENT specialist , mammologist , medical lawyer, narcologist , neurologist , neurosurgeon , nephrologist , oncologist , oncourologist , orthopedist-traumatologist, ophthalmologist , pediatrician , plastic surgeon, proctologist , psychiatrist , psychologist , pulmonologist , rheumatologist , radiologist , sexologist-andrologist, dentist , urologist , pharmacist , herbalist , phlebologist , surgeon , endocrinologist .

We answer 96.9% of questions.

Stay with us and be healthy!