We speak different languages. How to listen without being offended

It happens that we communicate with a person for a long time, talk, explain, prove, argue ... We both know all the words that we utter to each other, we catch the meaning and meaning of these words, we understand thoughts and emotional message ... But there is no mutual understanding. It seems that the interlocutor does not seem to hear us, but we do not hear him. It feels like we're speaking different languages... But do we really have one language, a common one? Maybe each of us, indeed, speaks his own, special, language?

In one of the works of the modern poet Dmitry Bukin there are such lines:

"We speak different languages,

We hear each other, but we do not understand.

Why? Maybe because everyone is trying to hear only themselves? The poet continues his poem thus:

“And, with lust, we listen to ourselves,

And with rapture we carry on our hands

Themselves. And in the hustle and bustle of the day

We utter a resounding tirade

And in it alone we find consolation,

We are proud of her and groom like a horse,

Who, without a saddle and without a bridle,

And we, clinging to the withers from fear

We fly, losing feelings and dreams ... "

But, sometimes, people understand each other from a half-word, even from a half-look. They do not need long and detailed explanations: they think and feel very similarly. So, it turns out, it's like a way of thinking and feeling? In the coincidence of our worldview and attitude?

Due to upbringing, life experience, environment and many other factors, we are all so different that it is difficult to find someone with whom you will speak “the same language”. We can say that such a person for each of us is a rarity, a precious pearl. Therefore, probably, so often we try to artificially grow pearls for ourselves from grains of sand, to remake someone “for ourselves”. If there are enough points of contact, and the way of thinking is at least somewhat consistent with ours, this succeeds. But more often you have to spend a lot of time and effort, but nothing comes of it. So, maybe you shouldn’t torment yourself and the person, but is it better to just take it and let it go? If it doesn’t work out with him, it will work out with another, or maybe there will be a real pearl ...

But what if, on the contrary, it is good that everyone has their own language? And only when we communicate with someone who can oppose our opinion with their point of view, and we get the most fruitful and enriching communication? You just need to try to hear, understand (not necessarily accept), get away from admiring your own theories and just for a moment become a different person - your interlocutor, look at the world through his eyes ...

Edition of IA "Existence"

In the country of lies there is no happiness for anyone,
In the country of lies, there is only the ghost of happiness.
And the rain will shed in the coming bad weather
And wash away the lies of the despicable tinsel.

And I live in the land of the blind.
In the country of the blind, they always live with dreams:
We are not in love with those in front of us,
And in those who see us in blue dreams.

But thunder struck. And then fell
The curtain that separates our countries.
In the country of the blind, the ball is over,
In the country of lies, wounds are licked.

You are naked, like that king. My soul is empty:
Her idol fell off the pedestal -
You are not at all what I imagined.
But do not be executed - all this is nonsense!

Let's leave our countries!
Drop the lie like a shell!
She is fragile, you can't sit behind her.
After all, I am your friend, I will help you
With an open mind and a kind heart.

Once I showed this verse to a Kaluga poetess. She, taking it apart
said that the first phrase of this verse has long been beaten
and turned into a stamp. I decided to check - I did not read a single verse with this phrase - she herself came to me ...
But what was my surprise when the Internet gave me a whole series of poems with this phrase!
And beautiful poetry!
I did not rewrite my poem: since these poems live, let mine live too!
....... Further verses of various poets containing the phrase "we speak different languages"

***
Dmitry Bukin

We speak different languages,
We hear each other, but we do not understand.
And, with lust, we listen to ourselves,
And with rapture we carry on our hands
Themselves. And in the hustle and bustle of the day
We utter a resounding tirade
And in it alone we find consolation,
We are proud of her and groom like a horse,
Who, without a saddle and without a bridle,
Carries us away, further and further apart.
And we, clinging to the withers from fear
We fly, losing feelings and dreams,
What warmed us when we were around,
Giving us joy, freedom and warmth,
Drunk us like expensive wine.
And the only question is: where did they go,
With a push, it suddenly brings us back,
To ourselves, to what is happening,
What day and night torments us with you.
And this childish, incorruptible look,
Who haunts us in our dreams
Like pain piercing the body with a sharp sting,
Like a wound inflicted by a dagger
With what we have in our hands now.
We speak different languages...
*******
Alexander Anashkin
/AND. AT./
Snow fell again - whiter than paper.
Above us day, and nowhere to go.
We ford a dry heart
as if the blood of the path remembers.

There are two needles inside any miracle:
one - cold and sharp - for a meeting,
the other, penetrating deeper, heals
separation, like a mental cold.

We speak different languages,
as if they lived in ancient Babylon.
But every snowflake in the palm of your hand
shrinks like time in old people.

****

We speak different languages.
I am the light of spring, and you are a tired cold.
I am the golden flower that is forever young
And you are the sand on the dead shores.

Beautiful is the distance of the boiling sea,
His play space is wide.
But the coast is dead. Wave washed sand.
Whistles, crunches, arguing with explosive moisture.

And I live. Like in fairy tales
The air garden is filled with fragrance.
The bee sings. My soul is rich.
We speak different languages.

What can coaches who do not speak Russian teach our footballers?

The leadership of Spartak dismissed the head coach of the team Massimo Carrera ( in the photo on the right). The Italian ended his work in Russia due to a series of unsuccessful games by the Moscow team. But do not forget his merits - in the season before last, Carrera, after a long break, led the red-whites to gold medals. However, I personally remember him differently: the Italian was another coach who, working in Russia, did not speak Russian.

Foreign coaches have long appeared in Russian football. But since then, the same picture has been glued to the TV screens: the Varangian mentor admonishes the players in English, Spanish, French, and his words are duplicated into Russian by an interpreter. This spectacle always made me wonder. Firstly, it is unlikely that the interpreter can convey all the subtleties and nuances of a professional and very emotional, specific monologue. Secondly, why doesn't the club's management offer a foreign coach to learn Russian first? Such a condition could well appear in the contract. And finally, this just looks ugly. If a person comes to Russia, he must comply with our rules, customs and, of course, laws. Yes, and speaking Russian is not only very desirable, but also necessary. To be successful, of course.

“There can’t be a coach who doesn’t speak the team’s native language,” used to say the ex-coach of Spartak Oleg Romantsev. - And in the club, a specialist should learn the language. What will he say to the team? How does the translator interpret his words? The Russian language is great and powerful, and communication with the team is the most important part of coaching.”

What is the status of foreign coaches? If they are migrants, then by law these people are required to know the Russian language and, in addition, the history of Russia. Alas, the vast majority of coaches who come to work in our country neglect this.

These people not only don't learn Russian, it doesn't even occur to them. What is it, how disrespectful to our country, to our own culture?

So why not remind foreigners of this? Or do they think that their fame and high status exempt them from such an "unfortunate need"?

This is a moral aspect, but there is also a purely practical one. It is unlikely that the work of foreigners can be complete if the players and the coach do not understand each other. At best, they are misunderstood. Which is what happened, in the end, with Carrera. This happened with the previous mentors of Spartak - the Italian Nevio Scala, the Dane Mikael Laudrup, the Spaniard Unai Emery, the Swiss Turk Murat Yakin. The mentors of other teams of the Russian Premier League did not want to know Russian - Italians Luciano Spalletti and Roberto Mancini, Portuguese Andre Villas-Boash, who worked in St. Petersburg Zenit, Brazilian Zico and Spaniard Juande Ramos, who worked in CSKA. I will confine myself to these examples, although I could give more.

Nor did the head coach of the Russian national team Dutchman Guus Hiddink speak Russian. As, however, and his followers - another Dutchman Dick Advocaat and Italian Fabio Capello, in which translators were inseparable, like resuscitators for infirm and sickly old politicians. The latter, by the way, when taking up his post, promised that he would certainly learn Russian, but very soon forgot about his words. And why bother? The main thing is that a fair amount of money under the contract flows like a river ...

Necessary note. Many experts from Europe and South America work in other countries. But neither the Chilean Mauricio Pochettino, who works in the English Tottenham, nor the German Jurgen Klopp from Liverpool, nor the Manchester United coach, the Portuguese Jose Mourinho, nor other foreigners experience difficulties in communicating with local football players and journalists.

Everything is very simple - according to labor legislation and contracts, they are required to learn English within a short period of time. This is how Britain makes the aliens respect their old, unshakable traditions. And he does it right!

- When I arrived at Roma, - said coach Dmitry Alenichev, - there was a condition in the contract - the obligatory study of the Italian language three times a week, two hours a day. Maybe this should be done in Russia as well? I'm in Spartak (he then worked in this club – V.B.) I will ask and even insist that foreigners study Russian for an hour or two a day. I will not fundamentally look at the knowledge or ignorance of the language, the main thing is a quality player. But experience shows that it is impossible to do without the Russian language.

Russian Leonid Slutsky, when he was offered a job in the English "Hull", immediately sat down with textbooks. Moreover, the classes were very intensive. In one interview, he said that the lessons were held for seven weeks every day - from 9 am to 5 pm: “I had three subjects: football English, conversational and grammar,” Slutsky said. Each was led by a different teacher. In addition, there were also joint breakfast, lunch and dinner - for practice with other students and teachers. In fact, we had to communicate English language 11 hours a day. This is the "method of diving" - immersion in the language. Effective!”

Andrey Arshavin, who played in the London Arsenal, Roman Pavlyuchenko, who defended the colors of Tottenham and Yuri Zhirkov, who played for Chelsea, quickly mastered English and soon after moving to foggy Albion gave interviews in the language of Shakespeare. Andrey Voronin came to Dynamo capital after playing for English and German clubs, where he had to learn two languages. Just like Pavel Pogrebnyak, who worked for several years in Germany and England.

“A foreign language and everything connected with it is at first a lot of stress, – he told. – No one else has such a mentality as we Russians have. It means: I do what I want. But this does not work in Europe - here you have to live according to the laws of the country where you are, obey local requirements.

Today, linguistics is as much a part of football as tactics and strategy. It's not enough to run fast, show mind-blowing feints and score wonderful goals.

Visiting football players and coaches should become their own in a foreign country, share the joy of victory and the bitterness of failure with the locals. And this is unthinkable without knowledge of the language.

Alas, customs in Russia are different. Coaches and football players coming here from other countries do not want to devote even an hour to studying the great language of Leo Tolstoy, Turgenev, Chekhov, Tsvetaeva! And no one will even gently point out to them: “Forgive me, gentlemen, but this is a bad form ...”

Our football has a huge number of legionnaires from different countries. But they, with rare exceptions, do not speak Russian. Even naturalized Brazilian Mario Fernandez from CSKA, a player of the Russian national team. But another Brazilian Marinato Guilherme from Lokomotiv, who received a Russian passport and also plays for our team, learned Russian. Although not perfect, but nevertheless he gives interviews, practically without resorting to the services of an interpreter. Alas, there are only a few such positive examples. Among them is Ecuadorian Christian Noboa from Rubin Kazan. By the way, he is married to a Russian woman, the family has two children.

Many fans probably did not forget the Czech Vlastimil Petrzhela, who coached Zenit at the beginning of this century. He was remembered for the fact that he explained himself in Russian quite well. And the team from the banks of the Neva looked very nice with him. This can be partly explained by the fact that the coach was able to fully communicate his strategy and ideas to the players.

Now, perhaps, the only foreign coach in the Premier League who knows Russian is the Montenegrin specialist Miodrag Bozovic, who works in the Samara team "Wings of the Soviets". And only he, by the way, represents the foreign coaching workshop in the elite of Russian football, not counting CSKA coach Viktor Goncharenko from Belarus.

This means that, firstly, foreign coaches are now very expensive and put a heavy burden on the budgets of clubs (it is necessary not only to pay them solid fees, but also to provide comfortable living conditions, a high level of service, and so on). Secondly, the costs of aliens are unprofitable, because their work, perhaps due to the realities and specifics of Russian life, is ineffective. And this is a fact - after all, there was no foreign coach who would have achieved some major success with domestic clubs. Unless Advocate contributed to Zenit in winning the UEFA Cup in 2008. Agree, not enough for a whole cohort of well-known and obscure coaches who worked in our country at different times.

In general, it seems that the era of kowtowing to the West in football is coming to an end. And you can't say that the changes were somehow painful - it turned out that Russia has a lot of its own qualified personnel, and our football is quite ready for "import substitution".

If you invite a foreign coach, then let him not be a covenant accidentally abandoned in the vastness of Russia, but a good specialist and a person worthy in all respects. And let it become close to us, the Russians, in spirit and outlook on life as soon as possible. To do this, he, first of all, needs to learn Russian. Talk to him and immediately find out what kind of person he is ...

However, all of the above also applies to other foreigners who come to work for us in other areas: they desperately need the Russian language, and most importantly, it is useful, because it promises so many wonderful discoveries!

Especially for "Century"