How do you think you can overcome loneliness. Seek professional help if you need it. How to get rid of sadness and feelings of loneliness and overcome fear of loneliness
Love is the main way of escape
from the loneliness that torments
most men and women
throughout most of their lives.
Bertrand Russell
The most important need of every person is the feeling of being needed and loved.
We live in a crazy world - we are surrounded by thousands of people, every day we communicate, we meet. This is especially true for residents of large cities. Many men and women often feel lonely. Everyone strives to get rid of this feeling, to find their own cure for loneliness. The feeling of loneliness occurs in different people for different reasons. Many sociable, outwardly successful people are lonely at heart. Before making attempts to cope with loneliness, you need to understand the reason for its appearance.
According to psychologists, the feeling of loneliness arises due to several reasons:
- lack of confidence in their own strengths, in themselves. Such people often have complexes about their appearance, it is difficult for them to make contact. Self-doubt gives rise to the fear of looking ridiculous, funny, which leads to isolation, loneliness;
- escape from oneself (itself). Many are afraid to be left alone with their own thoughts. Therefore, they strive to constantly be in any society, just not to be left alone (alone);
- selfishness. Selfish people who care only about themselves are often lonely. When a person lacks a desire to help someone, a feeling of compassion and understanding, others turn away from him. A person may have a wide circle of acquaintances, but real friends rarely appear. Egoists find it difficult to find their soul mate, because you will need to give your feelings in return.
To cope with loneliness, you first need to look within. Each of our problems is in our head, where is the key to its solution. It is important to realize your problem, find its cause. Then, you need to get rid of the cause that causes the feeling of loneliness. The best way is to communicate with loved ones. It can be a best friend, a loved one, to whom you can tell about painful things, cry. The support of a friend, his understanding give us the feeling that we are needed.
Egoists should learn to listen to their interlocutor. Try to stop talking only about yourself, listen to the feelings of others. It may be a revelation for you, but many people experience the same feelings that you do. They can help you deal with loneliness. Be sincere. Sincerity always attracts positive events and sincere people. There is no need to put on a mask of indifference and complete well-being - this can scare away and reject a good friend and life partner.
Be creative - this is an amazing process that allows you to discover new opportunities, talents, and find like-minded people. At the moment of creation, you do not drive away disturbing thoughts, but work on solving them.
The feeling of loneliness, from time to time, comes to every person. And only we ourselves can cope with it. It is important, from every situation, even the most unpleasant, to learn a lesson and try not to get into it again.
Loneliness has become clearly popular these days.
Up to the point that it is equated with self-sufficiency and independence.
And yet a person is a social being, and it is very difficult for him to live without communication, without close contacts.
During our lives, each of us experienced this oppressive feeling of loneliness. For many, it prevents them from being happy.
People are created for communication, social adaptation is very important for them, the ability to see their image in the eyes of other people, to catch responses and feelings. Being in a vacuum, emptiness, without close contact, you can feel the loss of yourself. This leads to decreased mood, depression, negative perception of life.
Types of loneliness
Loneliness can be external when a person is truly alone. There are no people ready to communicate, a person is in a foreign country, in a new city, in a new organization. This can be an uncommunicative person, or an outcast who is not accepted by the environment.
External loneliness is also the absence of family, friends, the joy of communication.
Or a person feels lonely even if there are relatives, friends and relatives. This is inner loneliness. This is the fear of misunderstanding, not the desire or fear to reveal their feelings, the fear of being misunderstood, the expectation of criticism or condemnation.
Emotions and harm
A lonely person often experiences a feeling of emptiness, uselessness, isolation, mental suffering.
Negative emotions lead to a constant feeling of slight stress, and this has a bad effect on the nervous system, blood vessels, brain, heart, muscle tone. A constant lack of support, a feeling of indifference, tension, lack of pleasant communication underestimate self-esteem, reduce a person's desire to achieve goals, strive for the best in his life.
How to avoid being alone
Often times, feelings of loneliness are based on past experiences, lack of faith in people, inability to communicate, anticipation of danger, or feelings of superiority or insecurity. These are essentially programs of perception that arise on the basis of some kind of psychological trauma (often childhood).
But before, try to solve this issue yourself.
What will be your loneliness, it's up to you.
Natalia Kaptsova
Reading time: 8 minutes
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What is loneliness and why does a person remain lonely among billions of others? The famous song explains - "because according to statistics there are nine guys for ten girls."
But psychologists assure that this is not the case.
The main reasons for female loneliness - so why am I always alone?
- Shyness
It used to be thought that modesty makes a girl beautiful. And many parents raised their daughters in accordance with this opinion. So a generation of indecisive women grew up, literally afraid of men. Excessive modesty does not promote communication, and the less a woman communicates, the fewer potential suitors in her environment. - Many ladies have been waiting for a prince on a white horse all their lives.
Having created in their minds the ideal of a man, they cannot find its analogue in reality. And too high demands ultimately lead to loneliness. - Inaccessibility
A beautiful, sociable, intelligent, but too serious lady scares men. With such a woman, they are even afraid to speak. - Infantilism
Many women expect a man to appear by himself, draw on the horizon and take her away to her dream. Infantile women do not take any action to find a companion. In addition, the husband is expected to be happy with her for the rest of her life. But this happens too rarely. - Heavy character
It's no secret that relationships involve compromise. A rare man can get along with an iron woman who does not make concessions. - Full dedication to work
A woman is primarily a wife and mother, as nature bequeathed. If a career woman does not have enough time for her family and her husband, then the probability that she will remain single is close to 100%. Read also: - Excessive requirements
Often women want to start a family only with handsome and successful men, it is desirable that at the same time they were also generous and wise. But such a high level must be met. After all, these men choose at least models, business women or famous actresses as their companions. And ordinary saleswomen are not interested in them. - Misunderstanding and fear of men
There is an opinion that all men are goats. And many women live, piously believing in it. How can you find a life partner with such an attitude? That's right - no way. Perhaps this attitude is a consequence of the mental trauma inflicted at a tender age. A woman was once severely offended by her lover, or fear appeared when, in front of the child's eyes, the father morally and physically abused the mother. In this case, you should consult a psychologist. - Own notoriousness
Women absolutely unreasonably wind themselves up because of their small breasts, wide hips and short stature. Most people around them simply do not notice these shortcomings. And the complexes do not allow to communicate freely and freely. - Fear of responsibility
Marriage and family are responsible for the spouse and children. Many are afraid of this, afraid of losing their freedom and independence. In addition, women usually get used to an independent life by the age of 30, and it becomes difficult to change it.
Pros and Cons of Female Loneliness - Do Single Women Have Benefits?
Loneliness has few advantages:
- Women who have no experience of living together and raising children look younger ... This can be explained by the fact that their life is less anxious, they have less worries and hassles around the house, and more time for themselves.
- The second advantage is freedom.
A person does not depend on the circumstances, on the opinion of another person, he is not afraid to hurt his partner's feelings by his actions. Children do not hold him. At any time, a single woman can go on vacation to the other end of the world, and not plan a vacation for her husband's free days and the child's vacation.
You can easily read a book, and not clean up and cook for a huge family. Or sit with friends in a cafe, go to a beauty salon. Read also:
There are many more disadvantages in the life of a lonely person.
- Inadequacy. Even if a person at every corner screams that he is happy in his loneliness, deep down he will feel left out. And every acquaintance will certainly remind you of this inferiority with the phrases: "When will you get married?", "Are you all alone?"
- Helplessness. A lonely person has no one to turn to for help. Whether it's illness, renovation, or just moral support. There are friends today, but tomorrow they are not. And the family is always there.
- Lack of a companion. A husband is a friend, ally and like-minded person. Therefore, married women do not need to look for someone to celebrate the New Year with or with whom to go on vacation. Read also:
- Irregular sex. It is more difficult for a lonely person to find a partner. And the lack of intimacy is bad for physical and psychological health. Of course, there are times when there is no sex in marriage, but this is rather an exception.
To break free from the clinging hands of loneliness you need:
- Boost self-esteem
Get rid of, if not all, then from a greater mass of complexes. And move forward to your happiness. - Be yourself
Individuality is highly valued. There is no need to try to copy some successful person. You have to believe in yourself, not give in to doubts and not do what you don't like, because each person has his own individual path to happiness. - Increase your communication skills
Communicate, smile, exchange news and opinions. The larger the circle of familiar people, the faster your one and only will be found. - Review your requirements for the opposite sex
Perhaps they are too strict, which is why you are still alone. - Be interesting
For people to want to communicate with you, you need to be boring. Find your favorite pastime, let it be some fashionable hobby. And preferably more than one. - Reach for your ideal
If your dream is an educated and gallant man, then you need to become the ideal companion for him. The same educated, educated woman versed in art or cinematography. - Look for your betrothed and not sit still
Be where he can find you. Attend public events, do not miss friends' birthdays, corporate parties and other holidays.
Loneliness is not a sentence; it can and must be overcome. After all no man should be lonely because it makes people unhappy.
What do you think about female loneliness?
Very few people are capable of genuinely enjoying loneliness - as a rule, most of us are burdened by this state. However, there are ways to help you cope with your worries about this. Almost all people are afraid of being alone, and this is absolutely normal, since a person lives in society. Concerns about the life of a hermit make even children think. With age, anxiety increases and turns into fear. Any thought of loneliness often terrifies us. It is these feelings that push people to commit rash acts. For example, a woman can marry someone she doesn't even like very much, just to start a family. However, a man can do the same.
Under what circumstances can a person feel lonely?
People who do not like to communicate with others are very rarely afraid of being alone, they have no need to build relationships with others. Most often, they have enough correspondence with a person who lives in another country, or rare meetings with almost their only friend. If you have a lot of friends, and you like to spend time with them often, then most likely you are worried about how you will feel when this is all over. In fact, this fear exists only in the head of a person, and in fact, he does not threaten to be cut off from society. In what circumstances do we feel lonely? Most often, the thought that you were left completely alone comes after the loss of someone close. It can be like parting with a loved one or just a quarrel. At such times, it is important to remember that your situation is temporary, and soon you will either restore a relationship or start new ones. It is much more difficult to overcome your fear of being hurt again and learn to trust, or you may feel lonely after major changes, such as moving or changing jobs, when you lose a strong connection with the people you love.How to tell if you're really alone
There are far fewer truly lonely people than those who consider themselves so. The point is that we often look at own life drunk, that is, under the influence of emotions. It happens that a person only thinks that no one needs him, and none of his acquaintances wants to keep in touch with him. In fact, things may be far from the case. To understand this issue, you need to spend a lot of time introspection. Try to calm down and think if there is at least one person in your environment to whom you can tell what is happening in your heart. It is also possible, on the contrary, that someone is revealed to you. If you can be sincere in the presence of someone, then you are no longer alone. And if your friend or acquaintance pours out his soul in front of you, then he trusts you, which means that you are dear to him. Also, try to test your thoughts and assumptions. There may be many more people wanting to take care of your emotional experiences than you imagine.4 stages of loneliness
In turn, there are different types of loneliness. Each person goes through a period in his life when he is completely alone, but the situation soon changes. This is temporary loneliness. Everything is much more complicated if a person for a long time cannot establish any kind of relationship with others. Also, loneliness can be broken down into several stages.
How to deal with feelings of loneliness
If in fact there are a lot of people around you, both close and not, but at the same time the feeling of loneliness does not leave you If there are always a lot of people around you, but none of them is your friend, support and support, then most likely you just keep others away from you. That is, you yourself cannot be sincere with them, and also do not allow them to open up. Try to remind yourself that even if someone hurt you in the past, they are not in your life right now. Most likely, right now, next to you is the girl who will never hurt, as well as a friend who will support. Dealing with people is always a risk, but it is almost always justified.How to put up with loneliness and is it worth doing at all
Of course, being alone isn't always a bad thing. You can try to come to terms with your situation or change the situation. To decide for yourself which position to choose, you need to weigh all the pros and cons of living a loner, and then decide which type of life is right for you. Few people know that loneliness negatively affects health. Hermit people almost always suffer from alcoholism. In addition, they overeat or, on the contrary, forget to eat normally, and also smoke. There are also problems with nervous system, since all feelings and emotions remain unspoken, and oppress a person. Because of this, loners are constantly depressed. Also, his self-esteem greatly decreases, as well as distrust of others increases. On the other hand, loneliness allows a person to analyze himself, his worldview. Many hermits go to the mountains or other remote areas to find harmony in themselves, to do meditation. Also, living alone allows you to take a break from the fast pace of life in the world. Some people associate loneliness with fresh air. It is during this period of life that a person begins to truly understand what personal space is, and also learns to value it.Psychologist's advice: how to overcome depression amid loneliness
Many people are confident that they can overcome long-term depression if they interact with others a lot. This is true, but there is a small condition. Support from the outside is definitely needed, but it is also necessary that a person suffering from loneliness began to change his inner world. Start with your own thoughts, analyze them. As soon as you realize that your thoughts are only depressing at the moment, stop them. Try to think positively and it will soon become a habit. Also, step by step, start solving your problems, you can ask your loved ones for help in this. Also start talking to a counselor. Make an appointment first, then try group sessions later, where you can make friends and possibly get rid of loneliness forever.
Unfortunately, in the modern pace of life, no one is safe from abandonment. Someone suffers the loss of loved ones and is left alone, someone's relatives and close people live very far away. In this case, depression from loneliness becomes a chronic pattern of behavior that requires treatment.
Causes of the disease
The feeling of loneliness can sooner or later overtake everyone, but this feeling in its independent manifestation is far enough to a state of depression. The transition of solitude and loneliness to the level of depression can occur for the following reasons:
- Constant isolation from society - the predominance of virtual communication, minimization of contacts in real life.
- The constant striving for financial well-being - the desire to be better and more successful than others leads to the fact that a person devotes his whole life to this and completely loses contact with loved ones.
- Living in a metropolis can also cause depression, as well as professional activityassociated with frequent business trips.
- Psychologically traumatic situations - loss loved one, divorce, dismissal from work, loss of a favorite occupation or hobby.
- Personal individual qualities of a person, which are manifested in low self-esteem, self-doubt, pessimism.
Constant forced loneliness leads to the fact that a person often talks about the meaning of life, doubts himself and is disappointed in his qualities. The true and strictly defined causes of depression from loneliness have not yet been identified, they can be very different, but the ways of how to overcome depression are universal.
Symptoms of pathology
Depression and loneliness can be overcome only if a person admits that he really is in a similar state. People who survived this disease, after recovering, realized that they had been afraid for a long time to admit they were sick with depression.
Since it is impossible to get rid of depression without awareness and recognition of it, the main symptoms stand out:
- Constant thoughtfulness, especially when alone with yourself.
- Reasoning about one's own qualities, finding them insufficient.
- Over time, a person not only strives for solitude, but also finds it the only possible way to calmly spend time in self-reflection.
- Companies and even trips in transport, communication at work with colleagues become burdensome for the patient, so much so that he does not get pleasure from this, but tries to "survive" them.
- Over time, a person ceases to take care of himself, finding comfort in the minimum satisfaction of his needs.
The sooner these symptoms are recognized and discovered, the easier it will be to cope with depression, even on your own. These manifestations should not be ignored, since people with a profound form of depression often fall into other, more serious disorders.
Depression treatment
There are many ways to cope with this depression. In order not to fall into a serious disorder, you need to cope with depression on your own.
Analyze your behavior
Loneliness makes the patient feel uncomfortable in any company, but with the exception of the company of people close to him. He feels mental disharmony and needs the support of loved ones. On the other hand, this condition should be removed gradually - you cannot immediately burst into the patient's life, throwing noisy parties and changes in the environment.
Take action
Isolation and loneliness can be overcome by achieving socially important goals. This action is one of the most effective and can include a variety of areas of life.
Invite a close friend for tea and just talk, sign up for a dance, fitness, swimming pool, take part in helping stray animals, orphans, people in difficult life circumstances. A sense of your own contribution always increases self-esteem and motivates to communicate.
Get rid of negative thoughts
Being alone, a person cannot get rid of negative conclusions about the situations around him and his own qualities. The only way to deal with this condition is to acknowledge the exaggeration of the negative nature of such thoughts.
Letting go of negativity means recognizing your yearning for joy in life on your own. Do something you've wanted for a long time, provide yourself with positive emotions and focus on them.
Focus on others
Often a person being in constant loneliness, does not think about others, but concentrates only on his own thoughts, experiences, qualities, problems. This position is wrong. Make an effort and notice that problems accompany not only you, but everyone else has problems, but they do not get depressed on this occasion.
Go outside
Constant confinement at home leads to a constant and chronic worsening of the condition. Go for a walk in the evening, invite an interlocutor or friend, mark how good the evening is, have a cup of tea with a friend.
Introduce yourself in society
If you follow the principle that thoughts are material, it is enough to close your eyes and imagine that you are surrounded by pleasant and devoted people, friends, relatives, even if they are far away. This technique is considered to be quite effective. Rekindle positive memories of these people.
Also, concentrate on your work. Dealing with negative thoughts allows you to work hard, and you can even work for a while without weekends or interruptions. Surrendering to work, there is simply no time to think about loneliness and deprivation. But this method does not work in cases when a person hates his professional field or team.
Find a goal and pursue it diligently. It can be social activity, self-realization and improvement. Set a goal that is significant and will take at least five years to be fully realized.
A person can experience a wide variety of feelings and emotions, a constant feeling of happiness is impossible. At any moment in life, a person may feel lonely, but you should not delve into this state, take it as a time period and fill it with positive emotions.
