Why a person cannot accept the care of the deceased. When the death of a loved one is the greatest tragedy. How you can help yourself cope with loss

"Where there is life, there is death"

ACCEPTANCE OF LOSS

Experiencing death of a loved one , the person is deeply worried and loss self parts. There are several reasons for this. Personality develops in relationships with other people, and therefore, when a person dies, part of his personality also dies. loved ones.

Co death of a loved one I have to say goodbye forever to a significant part of my life that was associated with him. It is painful to part forever with the hopes and plans for the future, in which the one who died was.

The main feeling that a person experiences while experiencing death of a loved one - heavy sorrow... It can be so intolerable, especially in the first time after what happened, that the psyche blocks the perception of reality and denies what happened. loss... A person lives without noticing loss: he either thinks that close alive, or he thinks that nothing terrible has happened: "Everyone will die someday." Shock, denial, block the incredible sorrow, but they are able to help the unfortunate person only at first. If he does not cry at the funeral, for 9, 40 days, automatically performing all funeral rituals, if he tries to fill his life with joy and pleasures, protecting himself from sadness and despair, this deathwill destroy his life, filling it for many years apathy, a series of psychosomatic illnesses or depression.

Protect the psyche with denial of death it is possible for no more than three days. At the funeral, it is necessary for both men and women to cry, as well as observe all the rituals - they really help to survive loss.

The hardest part is to accept the fact of death, accept that close no more and never will be. It is inhumanly painful and hard. But only this acceptance gives hope for one's own rebirth and further happy life without this beloved and dear person.

This is the most important stage in the experience. sorrow... IN psychologistand the whole process from the news of of death closeuntil the moment when you can live on without this person, having survived him death- called BURNING or WORKING HEAT... He is given great importance when working with a person who has suffered a difficult loss.

From the moment when manlearned about death of a loved one, and until the moment when he finally accepted his lossand is ready to live without a departed person, the greatest help is the support of friends, relatives, others. Help from people is not a word of consolation, it will only harm you here. Helping people is, first of all, the ability and desire to listen and talk about the deceased. The task, so to speak, of a person who is experiencing loss of a loved one, do not hold back all your emotions and feelings, and also talk a lot about the deceased, remembering him and all the bright moments of your life with him. This is work Grief, it helps to survive a difficult loss... Crying, sobbing, better with the whole body, laughter, screaming help to throw out emotions. Throwing them out is a must. The main ways to express emotions and feelings: physical activity (walking, running), with the help of voice (sobbing, screaming), art therapy. The home version of art therapy is as follows: put a sheet of Whatman paper on the table, prepare paints (watercolor, gouache), a glass of water and two squirrel brushes (sizes 2 and 6). Focus briefly on your emotions and feelings (1-5 minutes), take a brush that you like, choose a paint that matches these feelings and paint, succumbing to an unconscious flow of emotions. Try to express your emotions and feelings on paper with paints. Name your painting. If you don't feel better, take the next one. You will achieve very good results if you cry, cry or scream. But the option of falling into a daze is also possible. In this case, paint whatever you want, matching colors to your current state. Next, analyze your drawing. Why did you draw this exactly? So you will get close to your feelings and stir them up.

Despair, anger, rage, guilt, horror, fear, resentment, sadness - these emotions and feelings are natural in such a situation. If they are not spilled out, they will lead to somatic illness, insanity or of death.

Be sure to observe all funeral rituals. Rituals are very helpful to work through sorrowand further find yourself.

In the first hours, days and months after loss it is not advisable to be alone. If you feel that there is no person nearby whom you can trust, or if you are too emotionally overwhelmed from the inside, write a farewell letter to the deceased. In it you can tell about what is happening to you now, how you are suffering, how you are living it sorrowYou can ask for forgiveness if you feel guilty about the deceased. Then you can burn this letter and dispel it in a place where you both were once good. To ease your mental state, you can keep a diary. It is very important to keep this diary. Perhaps someday you will be able to pass it on to a person in a similar situation, and your experience will help him a lot. © The author of the article you are reading now, Nadezhda Khramchenko /

FAIRNESS AND TIMELINESS

There are two important factorthat play a role in accepting the fact of death loved one : fairness and timeliness in relation to death.
The existential tragedy of a person is that he realizes that he will someday die, and all of him will die close. Death It is natural for old people to bury their elderly parents, especially if they have been seriously ill for a long time. Such death experienced much easier than the departure of a young person in the prime of life or a child. Where is the justice here? All the laws of life are violated and of death... What if the whole family suddenly dies by accident? To accept such an unfair and untimely death extremely difficult. Closedeceased or deceased it is very difficult to come to terms with a sudden, unfair death of a person, who did nothing wrong and had his whole life ahead of him.
Often only through long-term work with psychologistoh to a person who has suffered a similar lossmaybe survive sorrow and be reborn to life.

REVIVAL

When the soul suffered for of death, the mourning is over, the time comes to revive your life. Death is an inevitable part of life, without of death life would be impossible. Having gone through despair, emptiness, rage, apathy, depression, worrying loss, a person is faced with the need to find a new meaning in his life, to learn how to receive joy and pleasure. The departed appears in the memory in the form of a bright image, the memories of him are sad, sometimes with humor, but without the previous excruciating pain and despair. It's time to get a taste own life... You know well what it is death... You understand that sooner or later you will die. It is necessary to realize the value of life, and to feel its fullness right now, without putting it off for the future.
1. Go out of town, to nature alone. Immerse yourself in the beauty of forests, lakes, rivers, fields. Behold, taste the smells, feel the roughness of the tree bark not as an outside observer, but as part of nature. Observe spiders, ants, birds, animals not from the position of man as "Measures of all things", but from the position of the same deathleg, like all other animals, the same child of nature.
2. Get actively involved in life. Take up the business that you have long dreamed of doing but put off: dancing, playing a musical instrument, botany, floristry, animal care and horse riding, sports, pottery, embroidery, travel, etc. This can become your hobby.
3. Do not refuse your friends and girlfriends when they are trying to get you somewhere. Communication, new relationships are necessary and therapeutic for you now. If you feel guilty before the deceased, write him a letter of repentance, make up for it with good deeds in front of others. Until you forgive yourself– can not continue to live fully.
4. Help others, try to do good deeds and on trifles (say hello in stores, smile often, make way for those in need of transport, help a person with poor vision to navigate when choosing products in a store, etc.). Thinking about others, listening to those in need, lending a helping hand, you forget about yourself. Having become a volunteer, you can constantly feel your need for people, that you are not living in vain, like a drone, burning your life. Think how many people need your help now!
5. Consider in advance how you will spend anniversaries and memorable dates. Don't be alone these days. Ask someone to be with you on such days, to go together to memorable places and talk, talk, talk about their feelings, life, about this deceased person.
6. Every day, discover something new in the ordinary, go headlong into work. There is nothing better for restoring mental strength when sorrowtalent than creativity and all-consuming work. Hippotherapy will help to distract from pain, to find something attractive in this world.
7. Plan for the present and the future. Dream. It is very difficult, because now your dreams will not be associated with a dear but deceased person. But the task for your will is to discover new facets of life, from which you can get pleasure and joy.
8. Rest, get enough sleep, make sure that there are no great stressful and psycho-emotional stress. Take care of your health. From the state nervous system and physical health also depends on your revival. Try to look good and keep fit.
9. Remember that art works in many ways to get through emotional turmoil. It is better if you spend your free evening or weekend not in a bar, but at an art exhibition, in a theater or in a conservatory. Movies provide a great way to respond to emotions. Watch a movie where the hero, albeit suffering, still gets out of a difficult life situation. Also, Soviet comedies help to find mental stability and balance. Don't forget to listen to music and songs that make you feel good.

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD COVER THE LOSS OF A LOVE PERSON

When a child dies close person, relatives often face a dilemma: whether or not to tell the child that his father or mother, grandmother or grandfather has died. Maybe it’s better to write a story about the sudden disappearance of a significant person for the child without a trace in order to protect him from experiences? Answer psychologistov to this question is unambiguous: “It is necessary to inform the child that close died, and do not deceive. " Each child has their own ideas about of death, sometimes they are extremely primitive, because the topic of deathoften banned, adults talk very little about it with children. If the child has questions about what is deathhow he died closewhat will happen to him later, etc., it is necessary to answer each of them, but the information must be conveyed selectively, calmly, based on the child's age perception. This information should be such as not to scare the child. For example, to tell that trouble happened, dad died, he was hit by a car, his soul flew away and meet with God, dad's soul will watch us and become your Guardian Angel, we will say goodbye to his body, there is no longer a soul in it, thanks to which a person lives. After the funeral, his body will dissolve into the earth and become part of the earth. We will never forget about him and will always look after his grave, light candles in the temple and pray for his peace, so that God does not forget about his soul.

It is better to take a child with you to the funeral if he is over 5 years old.

It's not scary if a child sees human grief and sorrowIs an adequate response to deathperson. It is important for the development of the child that he is faced with exactly the appropriate reactions. It is better if the child has the opportunity to attend not all funerals (funeral service, farewell, burial, commemoration), but partially at each of these stages with the opportunity to relax (it is better not to attend the funeral). The adult should be with the child all the time and support him, answering all the questions that arise (selectively submitting information). Give him the opportunity to cry, not soothing, but accepting his grief.

Don't be shy about your feelings sorrowcrying, crying and sobbing with a child. It is much worse when people try to hide information about of death, disguise their feelings and are hypocrites. So, they not only do not save the child from worries, but also generate in him numerous fears and anxieties. Children cannot be fooled, the child will still feel that something is wrong, that adults are deceiving him and hiding the truth, and then he will stop trusting people. Surely someone will sooner or later tell him what really happened. And then, it will already be a real, hard-hitting blow. © The author of the article you are reading now, Nadezhda Khramchenko /

Children do not have such a hard perception of death like adults, life is endless for them. Death of a loved oneit is much easier for them to accept with the correct behavior of adults than to feel that close person suddenly, for no reason, disappeared and left him. The conclusions that the child will make for himself are as follows: everyone means close person can suddenly take and disappear like this, the world is unsafe, people cannot be trusted. Fears and anxieties, often unfounded, will remain in his life for many years.

Write a farewell letter to the deceased with the child, let the child draw a drawing for him. Attach the drawing to the letter. Tell your child that whenever he is sad, he can draw a picture for the deceased. A selection of drawings, the toy can then be taken to the grave together.

In a situation of death children often become taciturn, withdraw into themselves. Invite your child to draw, hook into a conversation. Be close, support, talk.

Death of mantakes with him a part of his personality close. Grief and the pain is so strong that it cannot be dealt with. Feelings that suffering will be endless. However, to live sorrow, without hiding from him, without drowning the pain, without rushing things, is necessary. Then there will be a chance to revive your own personality and perception of your dear, beloved, close, dead human like a bright image in your memory.

The death of a loved one is an irreparable loss. How can you help another person go through this difficult period of life? And how to survive the death of a loved one yourself, when it seems that life has stopped, and happiness without him is simply impossible?

Nobody wants to touch the topic of death - she herself touches us! It happens suddenly and overwhelmingly. Then her blow is even stronger, and the shock of the shock experienced leaves scars not only in the soul, but also on the body. How to survive the death of a loved one and not go crazy with grief? How can we help someone who is in pain of loss? The answer is given by Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology, which shows that our entire psyche, like a thin lace, is woven from two forces - the forces of life and the forces of death.

The death of a loved one is an irreparable loss

Why such unbearable pain? Empty inside and empty outside. You just don't understand how to live on. The death of a loved one seems to throw him into another reality: into a meaningless and empty world, in which there is no dear person.

When a person is suddenly overtaken by the departure of a loved one, he forgets about everything. At this moment, the brain seems to turn off, and it walks like a somnambulist, bumping not only the things of a loved one, but also memories of him.

And memories are overwhelmed by a wave of emotions, and pain from the loss of a loved one arises in the heart again and again. And now tears are suffocating, there is a lump in my throat, there are no words, my legs simply give way. How to deal with the loss of a loved one?

And if someone from your environment is experiencing the loss, you too are bitter and painful, but already for him. I would like to help, but do not know how to find words of comfort.

You see how his whole being resists the news of the loss. As if you can hear him mentally shouting: “I don't believe! It can't be! It's not fair that such good man passed away! " And then loneliness, melancholy, unbridled grief suck him into their quagmire. I want to reach out to him, get him out of there. But how?

How can you help another person go through this difficult part of life? And how to survive the death of a loved one yourself, when it seems that life has stopped and happiness without him is simply impossible? Let's figure it out in this article.

Psychological aspects of the experience of death

Death is difficult for most people. Everyone reacts to death differently. Everything is due to the unconscious features of our psyche. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan classifies all these properties and unconscious desires, calling them vectors. And since people are not the same, then recommendations on how to survive the death of a loved one also depend on the psychology of a person.

A person lives among other people. And we all have an innate set of vectors for fulfilling our role in society. Someone is given an excellent memory, another - heightened emotionality, the third - a brilliant mind, etc. Mixing different vectors creates a unique pattern of the psyche.

That's why each person experiences loss in their own way. Some begin, others unrestrainedly, others fall into, and some confidently take on all the trouble of organizing.

As Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology says, a person is always a desire to survive and continue oneself in time. In a state of super-stress - and death is certainly such a state - unconscious adaptation programs come into play.

These are unconscious reactions, and the person simply does not understand what is happening to him. Why is he being pulled into the abyss of fear, why does he fall into a stupor, or, on the contrary, begins to flicker?

What does it depend on? From those innate properties that nature has endowed us with. And they are all different. It will be easier to cope with the loss of a loved one, to cope with melancholy and hopelessness when you realize what is happening to your psyche.

When a person feels guilty

There are special people among us, for whom family, children, friends, gratitude, justice are supervalues. All events in life pass through this most important filter of perception. It is easy for such a person to plunge into a sense of guilt, experiencing pain because he did not thank the departed during his lifetime. The owners of these properties experience special, unbearable pain from the death of a beloved child - it is felt as a loss of the meaning of life.

Such a person also tends to sink into memories, especially if they are fond memories. In this state, a person loses a fulcrum. He needs to be helped to regain balance. Death is a huge shock for him, he unconsciously tries to return to the past when everything was fine. In this state, he begins to live with memories.

From one news of the death of a loved one, such a person's legs give way, palpitations, shortness of breath begin. He may even become ill with his heart. It is especially difficult for the owner of the anal vector to survive the death of the mother. To adapt the loss of a loved one and return to life again, the bearer of these properties always takes more time than others.

Who falls into hysterics from the loss of a loved one

Overcoming sudden loss is especially difficult for people with a visual vector. Because their psyche is based on the root fear - the fear of death. It is they who, from the pain of loss, very often begin to sob, plunge into self-pity or fall into hysterics, that is, lock themselves into the lower states of the visual vector. A sudden break in emotional connection with the departed is a huge stress for such people, they do not control themselves, do not understand how to survive this death and get out of difficult conditions.

As they descend, they are more and more drawn into the funnel of fear of death. It is possible to get out of such complex states only by understanding the whole mechanism and amplitude of visual states, which are given more than 20 hours at Yuri Burlan's training.

It is people with a visual vector who run the risk of plunging into a state of self-pity, which is actually very destructive, because it closes the sufferer on himself and once again on the unfortunate one. And the visual vector refers to the four extroverted vectors, for which isolation is unnatural and harmful.

This is one of the biggest mistakes that later entails health problems for the bereaved. He begins to develop psychosomatic illnesses.

So how not to lose your mind from grief, as well as help another to survive these states and not fall into unbridled self-pity and endless longing?

Tears help to survive the death of a loved one

But tears are different. In a state of loss, when unbearable tragedy fogs our minds, we begin to cry out of fear for ourselves. A whole round dance of thoughts rushes through my head: how am I going to live without a close, beloved, dear person?

We often cry out of self-pity. But tears can bring relief if you can redirect the vector of attention from yourself to others, to those who are also feeling bad now. Spectators have a unique talent for empathy and compassion: striving to support and reassure the other will bring you great relief in how to cope with the loss of a loved one.

Of course, the loss of a loved one is a grave condition. It is important to understand all the psychological characteristics of these states, then you can not only cope with pain yourself, but also help other people who have experienced loss.

When the death of a loved one is the biggest tragedy

But a person with an anal-visual combination of vectors is especially worried about the loss. For the anal vector, the greatest value is family, mother, children. For the visual, these are emotional connections with other people.

When a person has such a bond, for him the loss is a huge blow to his supervalues, it is a rupture of an emotional bond that can never be restored.

Here memories of the past and lost emotional ties are woven into a tight knot. He is simply sucked into a whirlpool of memories, where he remembers all the good, and some kind of resentment and disappointment. All this at the same time has a very bright emotional color, and he gets worse and worse, up to panic attacks and the inability to move his legs.

Naturally, colleagues, relatives and friends will learn about the loss. They, of course, always offer help and support. But a person immersed in grief often unconsciously pushes the helping hand away. You have probably encountered such situations. It is important to understand here that a person still needs help. How can you help him?

A person in grief - a special approach is needed

It is necessary to support loved ones skillfully. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan gives such advice.

Be sure to support the person sincerely and wholeheartedly, but do not fall into lamentations such as "how are you going to live now?"

Moreover, if you hear such notes, you need to be very attentive, make mental efforts and try to bring his melancholy into bright memories.

Don't let the impressionable and emotional owners of the visual vector paint scary pictures in their imaginations.

Of course, in the first days he will be immersed in his grief, but later he must be brought out into society. Help him see that someone else is harder than him.

Those who love to live with memories can express their feelings through memoirs written for posterity about such a wonderful person.

So death is always a reason to remember the good things that were associated with this person. Remember what the deceased did in his life, remember the joyful, happy moments and understand that the person close to you left his unique mark in this world.

You can survive the death of a loved one

First of all, if someone close to you suffers from loss, talking to him, talk about how life goes on and getting through hard times is best in society.

After all, the loss of loved ones is a natural and logical stage in life. Life goes on! And only we choose what kind of energy to fill life: with the energy of joy, the light that will remain after us, or longing and grief, when they will shy away from you and try to bypass everyone around.

This is what the training participants who got rid of the pain say, and the departure of a loved one became for them a page of bright sadness instead of a terrible and unbearable heartache.

Is the death of a loved one a tragedy or a new chord in life?

A person does everything to continue himself in time. And naturally, each of the loved ones leaves their mark. Someone in their children, another in science or art, and some generally leave a deep imprint on the soul of all mankind.

The tragedy of the death of a loved one is not the final chord of your life, but an opportunity to think about how your life sounds in the present. Are there any false notes in it, are you doing everything to leave your unique mark on the earth?

Life after death

Life is a cycle of energy, which, as you know, does not disappear without a trace. So there is actually no death. The universe is organized according to the holographic principle. Even a piece of a small leaf leaves a holographic trace of a whole leaf.

So we do not disappear into nowhere - we leave our mark: both material and spiritual.

Humans are actually much stronger than we think. It is much easier for a person to survive the shock of death when he has something to live for. When there is something that depends only on him, on his efforts and that is much more than himself. And it is not always children or other relatives, sometimes a person is forced to live by an idea, the embodiment of which is the meaning of his life.

It is possible to get rid of the pain of loss, and most importantly, to survive it without loss of health when we become aware of the unconscious mechanisms that govern our life. You can start acquaintance with these powerful forces, restore their natural balance at the free online training System Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

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Relieve yourself of suffering and heartache.

The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»

Lives of 64 people. Of these, 41 are children. Perhaps, in the history of Russia, this is one of the few events when parents have lost so many children.

Olga Makarova

She told about how to properly support a person who is experiencing such grief, which is not worth doing and saying. Olga Makarova, clinical psychologist and former head of the Emergency Response Department of the Emergency Center psychological assistance EMERCOM of Russia from 2005 to 2015. She has worked on more than 50 tragedies both in Russia and abroad: plane crashes, mine accidents and earthquakes.

Is it appropriate to tell the person whose child has died, "hold on"?

- It is not very correct to say some general phrases, platitudes, behind which we hide. We feel awkward, confused, do not understand how to behave with a person who is in grief. This situation is very traumatic for us. When it comes to death, we ourselves are not very ready for this conversation. From this confusion and even from some kind of fright, people hide behind banal phrases: "everything will be fine", "well, you don't be upset", "well, you hold on", "God takes the best", "you still have everything in your life. will be ”... At such a moment, these phrases to a person, rather, say that his feelings are not accepted, that his grief is devalued. What does "hold on" mean? So, nothing.

Formalism and banalism and some phrases are annoying when, for example, a mother who has lost a child is told: "You are young - you will still give birth", "Why are you killing yourself for it, you still have two children." A feeling person probably understands everything anyway and will not say this if he is not at all confused.

How to choose the right words when you empathize with someone in grief?

- If we want to support a person, then, rather, we need to say that “we love you”, “we hug you”, “we are with you”, “we are close, and if you need something, then we are always ready to help ". That is, we need, on the one hand, simpler words, and on the other, more supportive words.

Maybe it's better not to touch the person and not talk about his grief?

- Sometimes a person makes it very clear that he wants to be alone. And in such a situation, when he asked about it, he needs to be given this opportunity - to be alone. You can tell him that if something is needed, then you are there, let him call - and you will come.

It is wrong to think that raising this topic with a person will remind you of it once again and cause additional suffering. A grieving person cannot be reminded of the death of a loved one, he already spends 100% of his time thinking about it. He did not forget about this and will be grateful to the person who will share these thoughts and memories with him, will give him the opportunity to talk. On the contrary, the conversation will bring relief.

How do you know that a person wants to talk about their grief?

- People almost always respond to a conversation about the deceased. This topic takes up 100% of thoughts, attention and memory. Therefore, if we want to talk to a person, then we need to talk about the deceased. You can remember something together, look at photos, you don't need to think that this will increase the pain. A person is already experiencing grief, and, rather, on the contrary, memories of the past, photographs will bring him relief.

Should I say “don't cry” when a person is crying?

- Saying "don't cry" is, of course, inappropriate. “Don't cry” is just the very concern not about the person who grieves, but about yourself. Sometimes it is very difficult for us to endure other people's strong emotions, it is very difficult to see someone else's tantrum, to hear other people's sobs, and in order to facilitate our perception, we say to another: “don't cry,” “calm down,” “don't shout like that,” “well, why are you so ". On the contrary, a person should be given the opportunity to cry and speak. In the first minutes, when a person learns about the death of a loved one, there is often a very acute reaction: tantrums and screams, people faint. But any reaction in such a situation is normal, although it can be difficult for others to bear. This must be understood, and the person must be given the opportunity to react the way he reacts.

When a family has lost a child, both women and men cry. Although in our society, the manifestation of feelings in men, unfortunately, is still considered a weakness, and therefore they often try to hold on and less show their grief in public. It's actually okay to show emotion in this situation. Those who restrain themselves and experience everything inside may experience somatic diseases, exacerbations of chronic diseases, and a malfunction of the cardiovascular system.

Should I offer the grieving person to eat or drink water?

- Any effective concern has a right to exist. People in grief forget about themselves, and their strength leaves them very quickly. They forget to drink, eat, sleep. And this is true, it is very important that there is a person nearby who would keep an eye on such things: regularly offer food, make sure that the person at least drinks.

Should you offer help with money?

- Each person offers the help he can offer. After the tragedy in Kemerovo, many people want to help with money: huge sums have been collected by the Red Cross, the diocese, the Kemerovo administration ... People, however, often want to help with money, and for some this is the only way to help.

What to do if a loved one becomes isolated due to grief and does not want to communicate?

- It all depends on how long ago the loss occurred. Grief is a process that involves a person going through several stages.

First, rejection and denial: when a person does not believe that this could happen.

Then he still realizes the irreversibility of this loss, and he becomes angry about this: how is it, why did this happen to me. A person can look for the guilty - in the event of a catastrophe, look for them among those involved in it, in case of illness - look for the culprits among the doctors. That is, it is important for him to find someone to blame, to rip off evil on him, to demand reckoning for what happened.

He may feel guilty for what happened, for not doing something or doing something at the wrong time. There may be some kind of irrational guilt: “why did I let him go there”, “how could I not feel that this would happen to him”, “how could I live peacefully when this happened to them”.

When these acute feelings pass a little, the stage of depression may come. And indeed, then the person becomes isolated and does not want to communicate with anyone. This is also one of the stages of grief, and this is normal at some stage. But there must be someone close by and offering help.

If you see that your loved one is not coping and the condition is not improving, then the only correct decision is to contact a specialist. It could be a psychologist or psychiatrist. Contacting a psychiatrist in such a situation is normal, you should not be afraid of this word.

Does a person who lost someone in a catastrophe perceive words of sympathy?

- Of course. Even if it seems that he is so in his grief that he does not hear or see anything, in fact it is not. And at this moment, support is very important. Warm words are important, that “we are near”, that “we love you”, that “we are here, and you can contact us”. Taking care of a person's physical condition is also important. It is necessary that there be someone who monitors whether a person drinks water, eats, or periodically measures his pressure.

How can you help yourself cope with loss?

- It is difficult to give general recommendations. But you need to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling at the moment. All emotions that you experience have a right to exist. In this state, you can experience a variety of feelings: anger, and guilt, and despair ... We need all these feelings to overcome grief and return to life.

You need to understand that grief is a process. Realize that someday, one fine day, at least for one second you will suddenly feel better, then for two seconds, and every day your condition will improve.

It is believed that the most difficult period after the loss lasts a year. When you have already met all the holidays without a loved one, when you remember what you did together. But gradually a person learns to live without his loved one, he finds some new meanings in life, makes new plans, new people appear on the path of life and even, perhaps, new relationships. Gradually, you realize that the grief has become not so black and addictive, and you remember your loved one with warmth and love. This is probably the point that psychology calls "acceptance."

To help yourself cope with grief, you need to find some meaning in order to move on. This meaning can be in a person who has left: you can realize some of his desires that he did not have time to, and do it in memory of him.

Hello dear readers! Death is an integral part of our life. Of course, it is impossible to be prepared for the loss of a loved one. Such events are always accompanied by strong feelings. Today I would like to consider the stages of grief after the death of a loved one and tell you what characteristics are encountered at each stage before a person finally comes to terms with the loss.

Go through all the stages

Losing family and friends is always very difficult. We cannot be ready for such events, and after all, each person experiences in his own way. It's individual and too personal. But according to the psychology of grief and grief, there are several stages through which a person goes through when faced with a loss.

Some distinguish 4 stages, others divide into 5 or 7. In my opinion, the amount by which this period can be divided is completely unimportant. A common understanding of the grieving process is important.

Let's look at these stages, understand what a person is experiencing at a certain moment, how you can help and support him at this moment and what will await him next.

Negation

A close encounter with death plunges a person into shock. He does not believe in what has happened, does not admit to himself, consciousness and subconsciousness deny this terrible reality, in which there is no longer a loved one.

At this point, a person may have memory lapses. All days are mixed into a single whole and it is difficult to remember where a certain thing was put or when the last time you ate something. Sometimes the first stage is accompanied by disorganization, some things are constantly lost. And, of course, it happens that a person behaves in a completely unusual way for himself.

It is very important to go through the phase of denial and eventually accept the fact of loss. This period most often does not last very long. But right now it is better not to leave him alone, to support and be near. Of course, most often he will not hear words of regret, but the presence of a loved one next to him helps a lot.

Resentment, rage, anger

Here we are talking about a sense of justice. The person will hate everything. Everything goes wrong, all the people around are doing wrong, no one can do everything right, and so on.

Sometimes the rage can spread to a loved one whom he lost. "How dare you leave me." This period is very emotional and is often said to be the most painful. Emotions and feelings come out, the storm can cover with such force that there is not enough air in the lungs.

A person has inappropriate reactions, he easily loses his temper or cries constantly. I repeat that each person experiences the stages of grief in their own way.

Guilt

At this stage, it seems that you paid so little attention to your loved one. Didn't say something, didn't do it. Very often people at this moment go far into the past, scroll in their heads different events, remember the moments spent with the person.

The last step is acceptance

Of course, going back to your old life will be difficult. But over time, the power of emotions wears off, feelings subside. It is very important here to really go further. Learn to find a replacement for what the person who has left our lives used to give.
The person gradually returns to his usual rhythm, begins to laugh, rejoice and move on. Here we can also say about adaptation and the creation of a new rhythm of life.

Sometimes it happens that a person falls into pathological grief. This happens for various reasons. Perhaps he could not attend the funeral or a loved one disappeared and there is no accurate information about him.

So, he adopts the habits and manners of a person who has passed away. Sometimes he has similar illnesses. The room or apartment of the deceased remains unchanged. This period can be very prolonged and only a psychologist can help in this situation.

I want to bring to your attention two articles that will help you better understand what to do, how to help a loved one in a similar situation, or how to talk with a child on such a difficult topic: "" and "".

It is extremely important to go through all the stages, not get stuck in any of them, and in the end come to full acceptance and learn to live on. It is impossible to be prepared for the loss of a loved one. Even when we have to see a serious illness of a relative, we still can never be ready to die.

It is especially hard for parents who bury their children. After all, it is extremely unfair when young people leave before us.

The person is very strong and able to cope with any situation. And if you don't have the strength to act on your own, you always need to ask your relatives for help or go to a psychologist. The main thing is not to be silent and not keep everything to yourself.

Have there been any losses in your life? How did you live it? Who helped you and was there in difficult times? What helped you to recover and where did you find the strength to live on?

If you have any questions or need help, feel free to write to me and together we will decide what to do in your situation.
Goodbye!