Samoedstvo and self-flagellation: the psychology of self-abasement. Self-flagellation How to stop self-digging and start living

An analysis of one’s own actions or words is normal for any person, however, in some cases, thoughts about the correctness of the chosen decisions, words spoken and actions performed can become a real torture for consciousness, due to which a person ceases to adequately evaluate himself and begins to feel confident in his own weakness and bad luck.

Unfortunately, this problem is not something unique and isolated, it affects a huge number of people. They are characterized by extreme insecurity and suspiciousness, as well as a tendency to self-abasement and self-flagellation. Such an attitude towards oneself is wrong and cannot lead to something good. It is possible that at some stage you will be able to motivate yourself to achieve some results and perform certain actions with the help of reproaches, but very soon you will begin to notice that the results that you have achieved are not and there are flaws in them. , and instead of getting a sense of satisfaction, you will begin to feel even more dissatisfied with yourself. Thus, this destructive circle will be closed.

How to find a way out of it and how to stop selfishness? You can answer this question for yourself.

To do this, you must realize and accept the fact that ideals do not exist, and it is impossible to achieve them. Of course, you can always do better, get more, jump higher, but if you constantly talk about this, then your life will become flawed and devoid of any joy and positive. Try to look at the world with different eyes, evaluate everything positively learn to encourage yourself.

If you have any shortcomings - there is nothing to worry about, because there are no perfect people. If you have figure flaws, you can always fix them with . If your clothes don't match, change your wardrobe. If you can’t change something, for example, the shape of your face, chest volume or leg length, just learn to love yourself for who you are.

Ironically, many people have experienced self-criticism and guilt. Some of them falsely suggest that these traits help a person move forward, because they make you doubt yourself. The rest are aware that these sensations are destructive for the individual. It is very important to independently come to a clear understanding - "I am self-flagellation" - and begin to fight such an addiction. This article provides information about what this concept means, and.

From this article you will learn:

• What are the types of self-flagellation
• How to stop self-flagellation
• What steps will help you stop self-flagellation
• What exercises will help stop self-flagellation

What makes a person self-flagellate

What does this concept mean? First of all, addiction, "eating" a person's vital energy. We can say that this is an unreasonable internal self-torture. Only a rational view of one's own actions, thoughts and feelings can give an individual the opportunity for self-development. It is necessary for every person from childhood to cultivate the ability to competently analyze their feelings and decisions so that they do not subsequently interfere with the process of self-realization. However, sometimes people feel inner pressure, conflict, struggle. Thoughts do not fit in the head, and the feeling of guilt grows every day, which leads to loss of efficiency, sleep, and the appearance of constant fatigue. This is what it means to self-flagellate.

There is a reason for everything in our life. Destructive forms of self-flagellation appear in a girl due to the following aspects:

1. Low self-esteem. The individual is not satisfied with himself: either externally, or internally, or both. A person does not ask himself the question “why do I constantly self-flagellate?” Because he gets used to this phenomenon, for him it is in the order of things. Guilt and self-criticism know no end.
2. Wrong upbringing. When a person grows up in a family whose members are engaged in self-eating on an ongoing basis, he adopts these qualities (in case those close to him are an example to follow). Such a child engages in self-flagellation unconsciously, from an early age.
3. Hypertrophied parent in the personality structure(transactional analysis of E. Bern). A more accessible explanation - this thesis is that in our society there are three types of self-determination:

• The ego state of the Parent that overshadows the position of the Adult.
• The ego state of the Child, containing all the urges and dreams of a person.
• The ego-state of the Adult, which is focused on the perception of the current reality and on obtaining objective information.

In a good way, the three indicated types exist equally in one person. When the question “why am I self-flagellation” arises, one should realize that such reactions are a consequence of the predominance of the Parent ego state over the other two ego states. As a rule, people experience feelings of guilt and constant remorse for no reason, not paying attention to rational conclusions from situations.

1. Pessimistic view of the world.
2. Willingness to abdicate responsibility.
3. Just a habit. The individual seeks to eradicate this phenomenon, but it turns into addiction.

Types of self-flagellation

Psychologists divide the level of self-flagellation in a person into three stages:

1. Soft. The individual criticizes himself, one might say, in front of the public, trying to arouse compassion in his environment, while doing no harm to his own condition. That is, it satisfies the need for attention. The root of such manifestations is irresponsibility, the desire to move away from the problems of the environment, the fear of having to make a decision, to start acting.
2. Rigid. The individual criticizes himself because of an overabundance of feeling responsible for something or someone. As a rule, a person does not make it public, which, unfortunately, is the worst thing for him. There is a process of psychological self-destruction.
3. Neurotic. The individual is not able to stop self-flagellation, as it plays the role of addiction in his life. Here a person does not need a reason - this is an unconscious process.

What can constant self-flagellation lead to?

There are many outcomes of such destructive thinking and behavior:

• Self-eating excludes feelings of joy, delight, happiness, so the individual is in endless sadness and anxiety.
• Takes vitality, energy, the opportunity to relax and unwind.
• There is a feeling of hopelessness and weakness, which interferes with the process of self-realization.
• Excludes the rationality of human thoughts and actions.
• The individual does not pay due attention to himself in a positive aspect, ceases to consider himself worthy of what he aspired to.
• A psychologically unstable individual quickly falls into the "paws" of toxic people who are looking for benefits purely for themselves.

This is what it means to self-flagellate. It is to live with the described consequences and drive yourself into a corner.

How to stop self-flagellation

First you need to understand the fact that existing in our society standards and patterns are just far-fetched norms actions of any person. That is why it is so important not to focus on the positions of society (of course, within rational limits, since no one has yet canceled the law, subordination and other factors of interaction with society). As for appearance, tastes in art, individual habits, one should not rely on public opinion here. How to stop self-flagellation? Take care of yourself without fear of judgment.

Recognize the right to be an individual, not dependent on the trends of the environment, to become special, first of all, for oneself, to appreciate one's own character traits. It is very important to "make friends" with your true "I", not to reject it for the slightest flaws, to be able to learn from your mistakes, draw conclusions, analyze your personality. If any qualities do not suit their owner in any way, they should be worked on, long and hard. How to stop self-flagellation? Stop running from yourself and life's difficulties.
A person, as a rule, painfully reacts to the sometimes cruel and unconscious statements of other people in his environment that relate to his appearance or actions. This is because the individual criticizes himself for these things. Aggressive behavior, resentment, anger - this is the response of the psychology of a particular person to "hit a nerve." Moments like this are worth working on. When a person does not resist himself and accepts himself as he is, no one will be able to evoke such a reaction in him, since this person does not have an internal conflict and dependence on the opinions of others. How to stop self-flagellation? Find harmony within yourself.

But not self-blame should be confused with being honest with oneself, as well as the ability to fairly assess their own shortcomings, punctures and actions, when such actions can lead to competent work on oneself, which will help to avoid wrong decisions in the future. People who engage in self-flagellation only allow themselves from within, deprive themselves of the opportunity to develop in the right direction.

4 steps to help you stop self-flagellation

1. Pay attention to criticism.

It is important to listen to your "I", which acts as a Parent (in the theory of transactional analysis). It is necessary to understand that this is a part of the personality in order to further work on oneself. People always maintain communication with their "I", so there is no place for conflicts. Denying a problem is the first sign of its existence. Sometimes you need to stop the flow of thoughts, free your mind and pay close attention to your own feelings in order to identify destructive emotions and feelings in time. An important factor is the reaction of a person. Unreasonable aggression (usually passive), thoughts about your insignificance, anger, constant stress are signals of an overabundance of self-criticism. In this case, you should think: “Why am I self-flagellation?” .

You can practice the following option - an exercise, the essence of which is to write down all the moments of self-discipline in a diary (electronic or paper - it does not matter). It is necessary to note any manifestation of self-flagellation and enter in the diary the reason for such thoughts. Suppose: I forgot to talk to a close friend, a conflict at work, I spilled coffee on my shirt, and so on. It is also worth clarifying how self-criticism was expressed: I could not control my emotions, I feel guilty for what happened, turned out to be no use to anyone, and the like. When everything is sorted out on the shelves, it is easier to deal with the problem. How to stop self-flagellation? Recognize the existence of an internal critic and start working on yourself.

1. Remove criticism from yourself.

This personality trait does not want to be noticed at all. It progresses and takes root if a person falsely considers it an element of his own personality. People do not always understand that self-blame is a phenomenon caused by the environment of the individual (childish insults, mockery, bullying by society, misunderstanding in the family, inconsistency with stereotypes that exist in society, and so on). How to stop self-flagellation? Separating the inner critic from yourself (that is, seeing him as an independent trait) is a good opportunity to say goodbye to him. It's best to give it a name of your choice. The main thing is that this method can help overcome addiction to it.

1. Respond to criticism.

It is necessary to have a dialogue with this destructive part of your personality in order to know how to defeat it. You can not deny or try to drown her out, it is important to let her know "who is the boss in the house." It is best to mentally drive away the inner critic, to prove to him that all his attempts to “capture” the thought process are futile. How to stop self-flagellation? Realize the falsity of such an inner voice and try to devote more time to your present self, to love yourself.

1. Replace criticism.

To overcome this destructive part of your personality, you need to acquire, let's say, an inner assistant. It is important to cultivate positive thoughts in yourself that will become a support and support in difficult situations. Why focus on the bad moments when you can find a lot of positive in yourself. Of course, it is much more difficult, but it is definitely worth it.

It is important to train yourself to restructure the course of your own thoughts, to recognize the problem and move towards its solution, trying to praise yourself for good deeds. If a voice tries to inspire a person with something negative, a person always has the opportunity to challenge this thesis, to prove its falsity, to be above these humiliations. For example: “yes, I made a mistake here, but I can learn from this and do it differently next time, because I have done something similar before with brilliant success, I’m still great.” The negative voice does not tolerate its own missteps. If a person succeeds in "crushing" him with arguments in his defense, he will begin to fall silent until he disappears altogether.

3 practical exercises to help you stop self-flagellation

1. Technique "artificial mental flow".

A great option to rebuild your own thought process in a positive way is to conduct a dialogue with your inner “I”. Contrary to the opinion of some people, this does not mean that a person has gone crazy. You can and should talk to yourself, even out loud. First you should ask yourself: “Why am I constantly self-blaming and self-flagellation?”. Then it is important to analyze the arguments and realize the destructive influence of endless self-criticism on your thoughts, actions, feelings and on your life.

Every person who is able to communicate with himself and others can always rearrange the course of his own thoughts. It is worth noting that self-blame is a negative conversation with your inner “I”, so the main thing is to replace the essence of the dialogue, directing it in a positive direction. As a rule, at first it is very unpleasant to force yourself to think only about the good. It's OK. It's hard to get out of your comfort zone when the habit completely takes over the mind. You should try to work on yourself for 21 days so that the new habit replaces the old one and it is easier to move forward.

1. Write at least 10 points about what negative you received from self-flagellation.

It is necessary to form ten argumentative theses that will describe the near and far future of a person who has not eradicated self-criticism in himself. Then, in contrast to these theses, you need to describe the same thing, only on the condition that the person coped with this problem. The result should be twenty statements of why it is so important to stop self-flagellation and learn to appreciate, protect and praise yourself, find inner harmony and peace of mind.

1. Training "Three questions".

These questions need to be voiced to yourself in order, recorded in a diary. Answers are best arranged in the form of three columns. Actually, the interrogative sentences themselves:

What happened to my inner world? It is necessary to state in detail the reasons for the occurrence of an overabundance of self-criticism (perhaps they appeared in childhood, or after some kind of psychological trauma).

How could you behave then? One should imagine how what happened is changing under the influence of the decisions made, the manner of behavior, sensations, and the like.

What can you do now or next time? It is important to try to correct the error here.

These three questions can help a person turn a negative reaction into a positive one.

Thank you for reading this article to the end

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Self-blame and self-flagellation are a few ways to deal with what a person does not like. A simple and understandable occupation saves from a lot in this life. For example, from intolerance of oneself - dirty, unhappy, not as it should be. What does psychology say about self-flagellation?

Attacks of self-flagellation usually do not happen from scratch. Before it “rolls” something like “oh, I’m the last g in this universe”, or “well, why can’t I”, “what mediocrity, mediocrity, helplessness, fool (fool)” going on something.

Let's take a closer look at this event.

1. In it, as a rule, a person is clearly inferior to another in strength, courage, (any parameter important to him). Or thinks he's giving in.

2. Events do not develop as we would like, and the desired option simply slips out of hand.

3. A person sets some standards for himself, and tries to “jump over” them, usually unsuccessfully (it happens that he succeeds, but he cannot appropriate the result).

In total, from these three points it follows that self-flagellation, self-blame, calling oneself allows:

Point 1: Cope, albeit in a peculiar way, with a lost competition (even if it is a competition for ... a seat on the bus).

Item 2: Instead of accepting (in an adult way) that not everything in this world happens according to our desires, a person begins to childishly take responsibility. (Similar example: mom and dad are getting divorced, which means I'm so bad that they don't want to live together.)

Point 3: Deal with the inconsistency between the “image of myself” (as I see myself from the outside) and what is actually happening.

Of course, in some global things it is simpler. Every boy who dreamed of becoming an astronaut sooner or later realizes that, in general, he is already (20, 30, 40, 50), and, most likely, he will no longer become an astronaut. And every girl who dreamed of performing on stage (healing animals, writing books) understands that it seems that the amount of skills necessary for this profession is so great that you no longer really want to spend ten years becoming This or That.

But when it comes to simple things - “there are no sausages that I love in the nearest store”, “Vasya did not call, although I thought that I was like that, well, Vasya liked me so much that he would definitely call”, “I wanted to sell for 10 for a month, and I sold it only for 5, now I’m sitting without a bonus ”- then it suddenly becomes quite difficult to admit in this place your not even shortcomings, God forbid. It is difficult to accept precisely the discrepancy between the far-fetched qualities and abilities - which really manifested itself in all its glory.

God created everything pure and holy,

and man has no need to sanctify it...

Paracelsus

And at this moment, when the stars “came together” – that is, an Event occurred in which a person sees himself negatively (“not good”, “not skillful enough”), and at the same time he cannot give up that part of the responsibility that is definitely not his – belongs to the world - it is very easy to do the following thing.

Instead of expressing your feelings and feelings about this - for example, to a good loved one - and at least confess to yourself in garlic: “I'm angry. I really don't like it when X happens. I wanted it to be like this - but it turned out that way ”- some are engaged in self-flagellation and self-blame.

In a metaphor, you can imagine it like this: walking along the road, looking at the sky and the birds, stepped into a dirty puddle. Shoes are dirty, socks are wet, the view is not the same. “Well then, that's all,” the man says, falls into a puddle entirely and is completely smeared in the mud.

Alas, this is a very childish way of reacting, “to spite my mother, I’ll get frostbite.” And the problem of self-blame and self-flagellation, the psychology of what is happening, is “deciphered” very simply.

At the root of the problem is the inability to accept oneself, loved ones, not close ones - as a whole, with dirt on the shoe, and with clean hands, with which it is quite possible to hug, give, support and do other good things.

Thus, self-blame and self-flagellation is the same action as “you don’t suit me”, only turned on yourself. Like, for example, take an apple with a wormhole and throw it away. Take the next one, be glad how ripe it is, find a speck, throw it away. Take the third...

Only this “ejection entirely due to one speck” is performed in relation to oneself.

And the worst thing is that you can get rid of others - go to the forest, lock yourself in an apartment. And you can't hide from yourself!

Therefore, before engaging in this unconditionally saving activity - self-discipline, self-flagellation, it would be psychologically competent to stop and ask: what is it that I don’t accept in myself? What is the "wormhole" that makes me try to "throw myself out"?

And only then, if you still want to torture, torture, shred and cut yourself with offensive words, continue to do this. Well, you never know, it will be at this moment extremely important and appropriate.

Self-flagellation and self-blame are nasty habits, aren't they? The most unpleasant thing is that a person who is engaged in self-flagellation and regular self-criticism, even realizing that he is acting very badly towards himself, cannot do anything with himself, and continues to eat, blame and psychologically destroy himself.

We consider self-blame and self-flagellation primarily in the psychological aspect, as a manifestation of extreme dislike for oneself, and not a physical understanding of self-flagellation (as it was in Christianity).

What is self-flagellation and self-blame? Esoteric view

Self-flagellation and self-blame- these are psychological programs of consciousness and the corresponding energy mechanisms aimed at the destruction of a person's personality (his Soul and body). This, in fact, is psychological and energetic violence against oneself.

These negative habits trigger a constant mechanism of self-destruction and in the end, most often, lead to serious diseases: from cardiovascular (dissatisfaction with life in a person) to oncological (with premature and painful death).

Moreover, these are absolutely real energy systems that will cripple a person psychologically and energetically, and they literally work. For example if a girl does not like her legs, and she is self-critical about this, and shows emotions of hatred and rejection towards her legs, then in the literal sense of the word, she simply tears off her energy legs. That is, we can definitely say that after some time her physical legs will also hurt, because they have already been destroyed energetically and it is a matter of time when this negative impact will manifest itself on the physical plane.

The main reasons for the formation of the habit of self-flagellation and self-blame:

1. Unformed positive attitude towards yourself - respect and love for your soul and body. There are no programs in a person, and the habit of loving himself, positively supporting, strengthening, being invulnerable from negativity. How to love yourself! When a person loves, appreciates, respects himself, he will not destroy himself, but will protect and improve.

2. Not the ability to accept your shortcomings and your imperfections. And if a person does not know how to relate to one or another of his shortcomings, he can begin to hate himself for them, and then everything, self-destruction is turned on in full swing. This, in fact, is not the ability to accept yourself as you are, with all your advantages and disadvantages.

3. Not being able to forgive yourself for your mistakes, well, for the shortcomings, respectively. When a person, going through life and making mistakes, accumulates more and more negativity and resentment towards himself. And, sooner or later, this negativity kills a person. Life is a big school, and everyone makes mistakes, you need to learn how to go through them easily, forgiving yourself for them, quickly correct and act again until success is achieved. How to forgive yourself -!

How to get rid of self-flagellation?

2. for everything for which you have not yet forgiven yourself!

3. Forbid yourself to “drive” the negative on yourself with your responsible decision - forbid yourself to destroy yourself. When you want to torture yourself - direct this energy to something good!

4. Start developing - to form virtues in yourself in order to really there was something to be respected for.

5. Exercise for a quick result (must be done in writing):

• Write at least 10 points - what negative things you have already received and are receiving because of self-flagellation, self-blame and a negative attitude towards yourself!
• Describe in at least 10 paragraphs what awaits you in 10, 20 years, if you do not stop scourging, hating, eating yourself and never learn to love and respect yourself!
• Describe what you want in the best possible way to replace self-flagellation and negativity towards yourself!
• Write in at least 20 paragraphs what will happen, who you will become, how you will feel, how your life will change when you form respect for yourself, love for your soul, respect and care, that is, stop destroying yourself!

This is a very powerful exercise that works flawlessly - always!

What is self-blame and how does it manifest itself? Why do people delve into self-criticism and how it can end. The most effective ways to turn self-flagellation into healthy self-criticism.

The content of the article:

Samoyedism is one of the manifestations of dissatisfaction with oneself, with which almost everyone is familiar. We all make mistakes, and then reproach ourselves for failures or the wrong choice. And if such self-criticism has a productive color, that is, it helps to see the cause of the error and the way to correct or prevent it, then its presence in a person’s life is simply necessary. If self-flagellation becomes part of the character, it must be fought.

Description and types of self-blame

Most of us perceive self-blame as a complex of mental torment in relation to ourselves: reproaches, discontent, fears, anxiety, insecurity, unwillingness to forgive or accept any situation, the desire to punish ourselves. In other words, we are at the center of our attention. Therefore, self-criticism has received several synonyms - self-flagellation, self-abasement.

In psychology, self-blame has received a more specific definition - it is a negatively colored introspection, accompanied by disapproval of one's behavior (words, thoughts, deeds) and dissatisfaction with oneself.

Healthy self-criticism helps a person to establish cause-and-effect relationships of “misconduct” and draw effective conclusions from the situation, in contrast to excessive enthusiasm for such introspection, which often leads to negative consequences. Thus, the habit of constantly criticizing oneself can develop into an obsessive state that distorts the perception of the situation and oneself in it, significantly reduces self-esteem and increases self-doubt. We can say that a person “eats” himself from the inside.

Sometimes the desire for constant self-flagellation closes in a cycle when a person “bites” himself for the very fact of constant self-blame.

Depending on how much a person does not love himself, his self-criticism can be divided into several forms:

• Soft self-criticism. She's a public game. That is, a person engages in self-criticism demonstratively, for show, without bringing himself any internal psychological discomfort. He is driven by the desire to receive pity, sympathy and consolation from others, thereby avoiding punishment. Such behavior is inherent in people who are unsure of themselves, with a low sense of responsibility.
• Rigid self-criticism. In this case, the basis for self-flagellation is an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. A person sets very strict requirements for himself, therefore he always has a reason for self-criticism. For a tough Samoyed, public manifestations of dislike for oneself are not necessary. On the contrary, they prefer to scold themselves in private.
• Neurotic self-criticism. If the desire to criticize one's words or deeds becomes a habit, such a person needs the most insignificant reason to launch a "program" of self-flagellation. He lives in an atmosphere of constant self-criticism without even noticing it.

Causes of self-blame

For the occurrence of bouts of self-criticism, a reason is always needed - failure, mistake, wrong decision, etc. In order for these attacks to become a part of life, a soil is required that will nurture self-criticism to the level of self-abasement.

The main causes of increased self-criticism:

1. Low self-esteem. A missed chance, not taking the "bar", complexes about abilities, appearance or opportunities start the process of self-flagellation. The constant digestion of one's failures or imperfections, in turn, provides even more food for internal self-blame. The circle closes.
2. Parenting Mistakes. The main reasons for self-criticism may be hidden in childhood, when the child was surrounded by close relatives prone to criticism - parents and close relatives. Most often, those who tried to "sculpt" the desired image from him, regardless of his character and individual characteristics. It is not surprising that a little man who grew up in an atmosphere of constant criticism, becoming an adult, makes up for the lack of habitual moralizing with self-flagellation.
3. High demands on yourself. Life is full of surprises and surprises, and not always pleasant ones. Therefore, people who demand the maximum from themselves very often have reasons for disappointment in themselves. And that means for self-blame.
4. Inability to forgive yourself and your shortcomings. If a person cannot easily experience failures and move on, accept himself as he is, self-blame becomes his constant companion.
5. Pessimistic sentiments. Pessimists are also subject to excessive self-criticism, for whom it is difficult to find positive aspects not only in the world around them, but also in themselves. Therefore, they criticize everything and everyone, including himself.
6. Eagerness to Avoid Responsibility. Often, increased self-criticism becomes a way to relieve yourself of at least part of the responsibility. Demonstration of self-flagellation in front of others gives a chance to the imaginary self-torturer to receive at least a share of sympathy, and as a maximum - complete forgiveness.

Whatever the reason for your zealous self-discipline, you need to learn that the situation requires mandatory correction. Otherwise, the whole life will turn into a process of self-digestion.

Ways to deal with selfishness

The main feature of the Samoyed is obsession with himself and his imperfection. This not only destroys him from the inside, resulting in diseases and neurotic states, but also makes him uninteresting to others. Therefore, the destructive power of self-criticism simply needs to be redirected towards creation. Several methods can be used for this.

Subsequence

One of the most effective ways to stop self-criticism is to learn to turn on the self-criticism mode before the action itself, and not after it. Here you can successfully apply the well-known saying that it is better to do and regret than to regret what you did not do. For example, if you need to do something that is not very pleasant for you (a call, a conversation, an act, a decision), use your internal “aggressive” resources in order to set yourself up for action. Then you will definitely not have to criticize yourself for inaction or a missed opportunity.

Right emotions

Make it a rule to manage your emotions during bouts of self-flagellation. A strict statement in this case will be much more effective than aggression and insulting yourself with the last words. To do this, you need to master the art of mastering your emotions and constantly improve your emotional intelligence. And remember that severity is an aggressive emotion based on reality and expressed at the right time, in contrast to self-flagellation, which is based on emotions and actions, often far from real events and feelings.

Motivation

Another sure way to get rid of self-criticism on your own is to learn the right motivation for self-criticism. Namely, positive emotions after a perfect action should completely cover the negative that preceded it. In other words, if you forced yourself to do something unpleasant or overwhelming with the help of internal kicks, and you succeeded, then the joy from the result will exceed the anger that prompted you to act. Assimilation of such motivation “the result is worth the cost” will allow you to put less and less effort each time to decide to act.

Correct "speed"

The desire to do everything at once very often becomes a reason for tormenting yourself with accusations of incompetence, lack of will, ineptness, awkwardness, indecision, etc. Learn to rush slowly: set realistic goals and no less realistic deadlines for achieving them. Remember one of the main rules for the successful implementation of goals: to achieve a great result, it is better to break the process of achieving it into several stages. That is, to reach the goal by taking ten small confident steps, and not one risky jump. This simplifies the task psychologically and allows you to make timely adjustments already in the course of action. And at the same time, understand how important the goal is.

Adequate self-perception

In order to effectively fight self-discipline, you need to deprive him of fertile ground. To do this, try to replace the habit of washing your bones for any reason with the habit of perceiving yourself as you are. You need to accept yourself as a person with all your oddities and individual characteristics, which used to be reasons for starting the process of self-criticism. Now you need to love them and try to turn them into advantages, a strong side of character. It is also equally important to learn to forgive your mistakes and perceive them not as a reason for self-flagellation, but as a personal, and therefore invaluable experience.

The right atmosphere

The less free time you have, the less chance you have of self-discipline. Therefore, try to minimize periods of empty idleness and fill these "voids" with an interesting activity or hobby. This will not only leave you no time for self-criticism, but will also add positivity and enthusiasm to your life. Change the environment, preferring communication with positive, optimistic people. Replace the tabloid press, watching TV and social media feeds with books and articles with life-affirming meaning. Another option to leave no chance for self-criticism is to do charity work. The latter will especially sharply make you realize the insignificance of your problem against the background of the problems of other people who, at the same time, continue to live, and the world continues to exist. Creativity changes consciousness no less effectively. You can do painting, music, knitting, dancing, embroidery, sewing - the main thing is that your activity brings pleasure and positive emotions.

Modeling the situation

The main difference between self-criticism and healthy self-criticism is that it has a beginning but no logical end. Therefore, in order to stop an attack of self-eating in time, accustom yourself to follow the rule of three questions. To do this, every time you feel a strong desire to self-flagellate, take a sheet of paper, divide it into three equal columns. In the first column, answer the question “What did I do?” That is, write down the event that made you feel guilty. In the second column - to the question "What could I do?", in other words, model in writing your desired behavior in this situation - your words, gestures, behavior, intonations. In the third - to the question “What can I do tomorrow?”, Or rather, what kind of behavior would be most acceptable - to correct something, to act actively, or simply accept the situation as it is. Such an analysis will help to realistically assess the scale of your experiences and learn to learn from the situation that has happened.

Planning

Self-blame is characterized by the fact that a person dwells on the past, that is, on an event that has already happened. Therefore, you need to try to shift the vector of your thoughts and experiences in the opposite direction. Towards the future. Daily planning with evening debriefing will help with this. Make it a rule in the morning (or the night before) to draw up a plan of your actions for the day, and in the evening cross off all completed items and analyze the past day. At the same time, during the day, try to focus on the tasks set, often look at the drawn up plan and praise yourself for your performance. Focus on what you want, what you like, what pleases you, and avoid everything that brings inconvenience and discomfort. Over time, the vector of your perception of reality and yourself will confidently shift towards the positive.

How to deal with self-discipline - look at the video:

Self-analysis should be present in the life of every person, but not in a destructive form of self-discipline. You can learn to correct yourself without reproaches and self-humiliation. To do this, you need to love yourself, respect your individuality, be able to realistically assess the situation and stop criticism in yourself in time.