First of all, it will not provoke irritation. Why does irritation occur? Causes of irritability

Who among us has not complained of irritation, of irritability? Everyone has this in one way or another. And if he did not complain, then, probably, not because he did not experience irritability, but only because he was not used to complaining or sharing his problems with someone. Everyone gets angry all the time. Regardless of the warehouse of character, education, upbringing, gender. And at various moments of our lives, we suddenly feel growing irritation: to a loved one, to friends, to the environment, to strangers, to the world around us as a whole.

The problem is this. Everyone knows what irritability is. Everyone has experienced it. But few people understand where it comes from, this is the most annoying. As a result, it begins to be understood as some kind of psychological reality that wakes up in you and prevents you from living. And you start to fight it. Some swallow anti-irritant drops and sedative pills. Others start counting down to 100. Still others may try to control their breathing, make it deeper or shallower. You can do a lot of different and useful things to cope with irritation. But it comes again and again... Where does it come from? Why is it for us? How can you get rid of it?

Let's discuss a little. Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich's day began quite normally. He filled out some paperwork, then had a little argument with one of his colleagues, then he was told that the vacation was postponed from June to September, then his wife called and asked to buy something in the store.

Unexpectedly, Ivan Ivanovich felt irritation, which surged unexpectedly and accompanied him for the rest of the day. He sorted things out with someone else, then answered the phone too sharply, slammed the door, ran to smoke more often, and acutely felt how everything around him irritated him. The situation seemed unbearable, the people were disgusting and boring, the boss was especially idiotic, and the need to go to the store and buy something simply gave rise to an internal outburst of indignation: you see, I work here, I do not regret my strength, but she will not take care to buy herself in home is what you need. At home, of course, Ivan Ivanovich is dissatisfied with the soup, quarrels with his wife, yells at the child, demonstratively smokes on the balcony, and, finally, demonstratively falls asleep, turning away from his upset wife. In the morning he wakes up and remembers the whole of yesterday, and these memories have a depressing effect on him. The whole day passes in an atmosphere of nervousness and guilt for one's own temper, irritability and imbalance. Finally, Ivan Ivanovich finds some important words, reconciles with colleagues at work, conducts successful conciliatory conversations with his wife on the phone, and even touches this. All sorts of interesting theories even appear in his head that he should take his son to the zoo, and somehow get out to the theater with his wife. What was it?

Another example: Pavlik Morozov, a twelve-year-old pioneer and an example for all the guys, took out four delicious donuts from the cupboard with the firm intention of condemning them. At that very moment, Sasha Matrosov knocked on the window and shouted that they urgently needed to run to house number seven, where eight more people were just about to help one grandmother cross the road. Pavlik, like an honest pioneer, runs into the street after Sasha. It's dusty outside, and he doesn't like it. And some passers-by are cloudy. And Sasha runs too fast. And the whole situation starts to seem kind of ridiculous. And Pavlik no longer has any feelings for this grandmother, except for one thing - irritation. Why can't grandma stay at home? Why shouldn't she drink tea and water the gladioli? Where did she, in fact, hobble, this same grandmother? And why should he drop everything he's doing and get her across the road when she can do it just fine on her own with a little push?

There can be any situations, but they all have one thing in common: irritability pops up like the devil out of a snuffbox, and it is quite difficult to deal with it. If you do not control it, if you do not fight it, then it is completely unknown what all this will result in. You can yell at someone. Break something out of the dishes. Bang your fist on the table in the boss's office. And even hit in some cases. Therefore, we fight it very carefully, restrain it, hide it. Ideally, you want there to be no irritability at all, then you don’t need to restrain anything, and there’s more optimism and a good mood. And so, even if we cope, even if we carefully restrain and hide everything - there is a sediment in our souls, a fig in our pocket, and a dejected mood.

Let's try to understand what's going on. Irritation - in the first case, and in the second case, and in all possible others - is associated with obstacles that arise on the way to a specific goal. Pay close attention to this! Irritation is always a reaction to an obstacle, a hindrance. If you intend to do something, or get something, or expect a certain situation that did not occur "through the fault" of any circumstances, where either people or events act as obstacles, irritation appears. It is an irritation because people, things or situations act as irritants harmful to the given situation. By themselves, they are not, but it is only necessary to create a specific situation where you are interested, so that this does not happen - bang! Annoyance appears.

Why is anger so subtle? Why does it act so mean? Why is it so difficult to deal with him? In fact, the answer to these questions is quite simple. Irritability is a step towards an aggressive act in which the situation is not accepted, but there is no way to influence it. Irritability can lead to aggression, but in this case, as a rule, an obstacle on the one hand, and an object on which we are ready to throw out our aggression, on the other hand, do not match! In the case of, for example, with Pavlik, an unforeseen situation caused an aggressive reaction, which distracted the pioneer from the more important occupation of eating donuts, and, oddly enough, the same grandmother who needs to be transferred across the road could have received a forehead for this. Once again, be vigilant: irritation is a reaction to a situation associated with an obstacle, to which it is objectively impossible to react aggressively, or it is possible, but an internal prohibition is imposed on this reaction. In the first case, this could be an order from the boss, who, by his own authority, postponed Ivan Ivanovich's vacation for a month that was not the most interesting for him. But since it is impossible to "run over" the boss, irritation appears, which grows more and more, not focused on anything specific and sprayed in all directions, like an aerosol. By the way, it often happens that with irritability, those people who are simply suitable for it fall into the role of a victim. It’s impossible to yell at the boss, it’s easier to yell at colleagues, and it’s quite simple at your wife. Therefore, people suffer from irritability, who are not to blame for the problems that a person has.

So, irritation is a "folded" aggression that does not manifest itself in any way. Aggression, as you understand, is not something that someone will definitely beat someone. Aggression can often come out in verbal form, where Ivan Ivanovich simply tells the boss that he "does not agree with such a decision and demands to reconsider it." Aggression can even be very passive, where it would never occur to you from the outside that it even a bit resembles a conflict. For example, Pavlik says that he has more important things to do than run away. Or even softer: he says he's busy. If our heroes do not do this, then irritation is inevitable. By the way, this is a curious thing: if there is aggression, then you will not find a single gram of irritability in it. Even those who, having properly boiled up and filled with not the most rosy feelings, begin to destroy the world around them, explaining to their victims how everything got to him, how everything is disgusting to him. But in this person, in fact, there is no longer any irritation. There is only aggression in its most direct form.

Irritability has one very vile property, which is most directly related to the inability to adequately respond to the obstacle that has arisen. This property does not appear immediately, but some time after the event in which your interests were infringed. This can happen in ten minutes, in an hour, or even in a day. Thus, completely different people, situations, environment will fall under your “hot hand”. This is not always the case, but very often. At least due to the fact that a real obstacle in your way cannot experience the strength of your opposition. If Vasya wants to surf the Internet, and at this time his parents tell him to run away for bread, then he cannot explicitly tell them that he will not do this, because he wants to do something else. He goes for bread and becomes irritable. His parents ask him why he's so high-strung, but he doesn't really know himself. They are bad, these parents. They get bored. They crawl into his life. They interfere. Anything. Annoying, that's all.

And therefore, irritability is always perceived as something foreign that arises in us without warning and apparent reason: an annoying nuisance, a bad quality of personality, an interfering feeling that you want to get rid of once and for all. But you seem to have already figured out that this is impossible. On the one hand, we cannot rush with a sledgehammer at any obstacles that arise in our path. On the other hand, we cannot be indifferent when our interests are interfered with. If both of these conditions are true, then irritability appears. This is fine. That's the way it should be.

So if you look at all this from a certain point of view, then a person needs irritability in the same way that he needs pain. Ideally, you want to never have pain. But what is important here is not even that it exists, or that it does not exist, but only that it can appear when it is relevant. Pain is an immediate physiological response to an overly strong sensory stimulus that can be detrimental to your body. Irritability is a delayed psychological reaction to a situational stimulus that is an obstacle to achieving a particular goal.

And what to do?

The most important thing, what you need to learn first: anything can annoy! No rules and no exceptions. Paradoxical as it may seem, but the closest and dearest thing we have can irritate us in the first place - elementarily due to the fact that we have a ban on open confrontation. In some way, the reaction of irritability can act as a criterion for a value attitude: if a person is irritated, then he does not have the opportunity to confront you in an explicit form. Thus, he either feels weak, or treats you too well to express his feelings in a more dishonest way. Annoying can be a loved one, or the most faithful and devoted friends, and even children. Someone can pathetically throw up their hands: oh, how can you? These are children! But did I say something bad? Did I advise something harmful? I'm just saying that irritation is a natural psychological reaction that does not divide the world into friends and foes. And if your child bites you with all thirty teeth, then it will hurt you just the same as if a complete stranger did it, and maybe even more painful, because annoyance and resentment will be added to the pain.

Second: irritation creeps up imperceptibly, with a catch. Imagine for a second that something is hurting you, but you cannot find the source of that pain. If this actually happens, the entire environment will instantly turn into a potentially dangerous one, where any of the elements of this environment causes pain and, therefore, is dangerous. In the case of irritation, everything is about the same: not finding an obstacle that suddenly appeared in our way, or knowing about it, but suppressing all possible responses (and, thus, not knowing about it - the so-called repression, in the language of psychoanalysis) , we gradually discover that everything around us has become hostile, unkind, evil. It is very important here to understand the true cause of your irritation. Ask yourself as soon as the first signs of irritation appear: what is really stopping me, what is really stopping me?! Look at the world from this point of view.

Look around and find an obstacle that appeared in your path, but passed by your consciousness. Finding the true source of irritation is the same as finding the source of pain: the situation is instantly discharged. The whole surrounding atmosphere becomes safe, normal, non-hostile. Except, of course, the root cause. On account of her, you can think and make some kind of wise decision. Always ask yourself, speak directly to your subconscious. Don't be afraid to find out about the obstacles that you cross out of your mind as possible. If you really wanted to go to the club, and the child is sick, then this can cause irritation. You will be ashamed and blame yourself for this, although, in fact, it is not your fault at all. Just understand that the child in this case has become an obstacle to your own interests. In many cases, it immediately defuses the situation. There is nothing to be ashamed of here. You are a person with your own interests, needs, desires, needs. And any unexpected obstacle is an obstacle. When you find the source of tension, you will calm down and be able to accept the situation calmly.

Third: as a rule, situations that we have no control over, or those that arose too unexpectedly, cause irritation. In such cases, by the way, the decision is made not even by you, as you used to understand yourself, but by some part of your personality that denies any possibilities of counteraction in such situations, or sees them as unpromising. The action is carried out automatically, spontaneously. Our pioneer mechanically ran to save the passing gladiolus grandmother, Ivan Ivanovich did not even utter a peep when he was told that the vacation would be in September. Both in the first and in the second cases, the decision was made for them, they obeyed him, which means that everything happened unconsciously. An important tip: in any such situation, try to determine your attitude to what is happening as quickly as possible. Ask yourself: How do I feel about this? What am I going to do when this happens? How will I plan my next steps once the situation has changed? Ask! You will receive valuable information that will help you adequately get out of this situation. You will no longer feel like a victim of circumstances. The conditions have changed and you are looking for new points of application for your forces, for your activities. Everything is exactly the same as on the road, when a car that should go straight suddenly turns off to the side and goes straight at you. You can think that there is something wrong with this, and she should go straight, or you can just jump to the side and thus stop being a victim of stupid bosses, pioneer initiatives and drunk drivers, and find new solutions to changed conditions.

Fourth: try to make a list of common situations that you have no control over. You cannot refuse a friend if he came to visit, and you have an urgent matter, but you are still hospitable and cordial. You do not find it possible to raise the tone of your voice even when it is necessary. You don't know how to take care of yourself. You will not risk fighting with your boss for your piece of bread. Find all your prohibitions, taboos, restrictions. They can be the cause of your irritability, which seems unmotivated. This is not true. Annoyance always has an irritant! And if today you take a fresh look at your most typical annoyances and annoyances that take place, then, quite possibly, you will discover something new and interesting for yourself. For example, the fact that the people on whom you vent your anger and annoyance are completely not to blame for this. Or you see the reason in one thing, when the whole thing, as it may turn out, lies on a completely different plane.

Fifth: and advice for those who live near the annoying ones. Remember that this is not some property of their personality, not a character trait, not bitchiness, and nothing else. These are obstacles that a person close to you faces regularly and cannot overcome them. Talk to him from this point of view. Try with him to find these real barriers that are painful and unbearable for him. Suggest new solutions for these situations that he may not be aware of. Give him the opportunity to share these decisions with you or even act as their initiator. Believe me, it is always much easier to accept a situation that a person has voluntarily chosen himself than one where he has resigned himself or is forced to make this decision.

Thanks

The site provides reference information for informational purposes only. Diagnosis and treatment of diseases should be carried out under the supervision of a specialist. All drugs have contraindications. Expert advice is required!

Introduction

The state of irritability, when minor unpleasant situations cause a violent emotional response in the form of anger or aggression, is probably familiar to every person. Irritability can be a property of character, or maybe - symptom any disease.

Manifestations of irritability

Irritability often combined with fatigue, constant feeling of fatigue, general weakness. An irritated person develops sleep disorders: insomnia or, conversely, drowsiness. There may be a feeling of anxiety, nervousness - or apathy, tearfulness, depression.

Sometimes irritability is accompanied by a feeling of anger, up to aggression. The movements become sharp, the voice - loud, shrill.

An irritated person is characterized by repetitive actions: continuous walking around the room, tapping fingers on objects, swinging the leg. These actions are aimed at restoring peace of mind, relieving emotional stress.

A typical phenomenon accompanying irritability is a decrease in interest in sex and in favorite hobbies.

Causes

Irritability can be caused by various reasons:

• psychological;
• physiological;
• genetic;
• various diseases.

Psychological reasons- this is overwork, chronic lack of sleep, fear, anxiety, stressful situation, drug addiction, addiction to nicotine and alcohol.

Physiological causes- hormonal disruptions caused, for example, by pregnancy, menopause, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), thyroid diseases. The physiological causes of irritability include a feeling of hunger, and a deficiency of trace elements and vitamins in the body. Sometimes irritability can be caused by the incompatibility of drugs that the patient is taking - this is also a physiological reason.
Genetic Causes- inherited increased excitability of the nervous system. In this case, irritability is a character trait.

Irritability as a symptom of the disease, can develop with the following pathologies:

• infectious diseases (influenza, SARS, etc.);
• some mental illnesses (neurosis, schizophrenia, dementia, Alzheimer's disease).

Irritability in women

Irritability is more common in women than in men. And there are reasons for this. Swedish researchers have proven that female irritability is genetically determined. The nervous system of a woman initially has increased excitability, is prone to rapid mood changes, to anxiety.

The excessive workload of most women with household chores is added to genetic factors. This leads to chronic lack of sleep, overwork - psychological causes of irritability are formed.

Hormonal changes that occur regularly in the female body (menstrual cycle, pregnancy, menopause) are the physiological causes of irritability.

With such a complex of reasons, it is not surprising that many women are characterized by increased, and sometimes constant irritability.

Irritability during pregnancy

Hormonal changes that occur during pregnancy in a woman's body cause changes in the nervous system. These changes are especially pronounced in the first months of pregnancy.

A woman becomes nervous, tearful, her sensations and tastes change, even her worldview. Of course, all this leads to a state of increased irritability. Such changes are accompanied even by a desired, expected pregnancy, not to mention an unplanned pregnancy. Close people should treat all these whims and quirks with understanding and patience.

Fortunately, around the middle of pregnancy, the hormonal balance becomes more stable, and the woman's irritability decreases.

Irritability after childbirth

After the birth of a child, hormonal changes in the female body continue. The behavior of a young mother is influenced by the "hormones of motherhood" - oxytocin and prolactin. They encourage her to give all her attention and love to the child, and irritability caused by another restructuring of the body often splashes out on her husband and other family members.

But in the postpartum period, a lot depends on the nature of the woman. If she is calm by nature, then her irritability is minimal, and sometimes completely absent.

PMS (premenstrual syndrome)

A few days before the onset of menstruation, a significantly increased concentration of the hormone progesterone is found in the blood of a woman. High doses of this substance cause sleep disturbance, fever, mood swings, increased irritability, conflict.

Outbursts of anger, aggression, sometimes even with the loss of control over their behavior, are replaced by tearfulness, depressed mood. A woman feels causeless anxiety, anxiety; she is absent-minded, interest in her usual activities is reduced. There is weakness, increased fatigue.

Climacteric disorders increase gradually. This period is not characterized by outbreaks of aggression; irritability is accompanied by resentment, tearfulness, sleep disturbances, unreasonable fears, depressed mood.

Pronounced manifestations of menopause require consultation of an endocrinologist. In some cases, the doctor prescribes hormone replacement therapy.

Irritability in men

Not so long ago, a new diagnosis appeared in medical practice: male irritability syndrome (SMR) . This condition develops during the period of male menopause, when the production of the male hormone, testosterone, decreases in the male body.

Deficiency of this hormone makes men nervous, aggressive, irritable. At the same time, they complain of fatigue, drowsiness, depression. Irritability caused by physiological causes is exacerbated by overload at work, as well as the fear of developing impotence.

During menopause, men, like women, need a patient, attentive attitude from loved ones. Their nutrition should contain a sufficient amount of protein dishes - meat, fish. Be sure to need a full sleep (at least 7-8 hours a day). In severe cases, as prescribed by the doctor, substitution therapy is carried out - testosterone injections.

Irritability in children

Irritability - increased excitability, crying, screaming, even hysteria - can manifest itself in children starting from one and a half to two years. The reasons for this irritability, as in adults, can be:
1. Psychological (desire to attract attention, resentment at the actions of adults or peers, indignation at the prohibitions of adults, etc.).
2. Physiological (feeling of hunger or thirst, fatigue, desire to sleep).
3. Genetic.

In addition, children's irritability can be a symptom of diseases and conditions such as:

• perinatal encephalopathy (brain damage during pregnancy or childbirth);
• allergic diseases;
• infectious diseases (influenza, SARS, "childhood" infections);
• individual intolerance to certain products;
• psychiatric illnesses.

If, with proper upbringing, irritability caused by psychological and physiological reasons softens by about five years, then a genetically determined quick-tempered, irritable character can persist in a child for life. And diseases accompanied by irritability must be treated by a specialist doctor (neurologist, allergist, infectious disease specialist, psychiatrist).

How to get rid of irritability?

Increased irritability cannot be taken lightly, explaining its presence only by character traits or difficult living conditions. Irritability can be a symptom of illness! Lack of treatment can lead to exhaustion of the nervous system, to the development of neurosis and other complications. If the state of increased irritability lasts longer than a week for no apparent reason, you should consult a neurologist. If necessary, he will refer the patient to a psychologist, therapist or psychiatrist. 1. Try not to focus on negative emotions, learn to switch to thoughts about things and situations that are pleasant for you.
2. Don't keep troubles "in yourself", tell about them to the person you trust.
3. If you are prone to outbursts of anger, learn to restrain yourself, at least for a short time (count to ten in your head). This short pause will help you deal with your emotions.
4. Learn to give in to other people.
5. Do not strive for unattainable ideals, understand that it is simply impossible to be perfect in everything.
6. Increase your physical activity: this will help to cope with anger and irritation.
7. Try to find an opportunity in the middle of the day to relax and unwind for at least a quarter of an hour.
8. Engage in self-training.
9. Avoid sleep deprivation: Your body needs 7-8 hours of sleep to recuperate.
10. With overwork and increased irritability, even a short (weekly) vacation away from all worries will be of great benefit.

Medical treatment

Treatment of the symptom of irritability with drugs is carried out only as prescribed by the doctor, and depends on the cause that caused it.

If the cause is a mental illness - for example, depression, then antidepressant drugs are prescribed (fluoxetine, amitriptyline, Prozac, etc.). They improve the mood of the patient, thereby reducing irritability.

Particular attention in case of irritability is paid to the normalization of the patient's night sleep. To do this, the doctor prescribes sleeping pills or sedatives (tranquilizers). If sleep is in order, but there is an alarming condition, sedatives are used that do not cause drowsiness - "daytime tranquilizers" (rudotel or mezapam).

If increased irritability is caused by psychological reasons, and is mainly due to stressful situations in the patient's life, mild herbal or homeopathic anti-stress preparations (Notta, Adaptol, Novo-Passit, etc.) are prescribed.

Traditional medicine

Traditional medicine to combat irritability mainly uses medicinal herbs (in the form of decoctions and infusions, as well as in the form of medicinal baths):

• cucumber grass;

Traditional healers recommend using spice powders inside with excessive irritability:

A mixture of honey with chopped walnuts, almonds, lemon and prunes is considered a useful remedy. This tasty medicine is a source of trace elements and has a mild anti-stress effect.

However, there are contraindications for folk remedies. These are mental illnesses. For patients with such a diagnosis, any treatment can be used only with the permission of the doctor. For example, hot baths can exacerbate schizophrenia.

How to get rid of irritability - video

Which doctor should I contact with irritability?

Irritability is a symptom of mental disorders, but this does not mean that a person is sick with any mental illness. After all, mental disorders accompany many different conditions and diseases due to irritation of the central nervous system by stressful influences, strong emotional experiences, high physical exertion, intoxication in diseases, etc. However, when severe irritability appears, with which a person is not able to cope on his own, one should turn to psychiatrist (make an appointment) and psychologist (sign up) so that the doctor assesses the state of mental functions and prescribes the necessary treatment to normalize the emotional background.

There is no need to be afraid of a visit to a psychiatrist, because a doctor of this specialty treats not only severe mental illnesses (for example, schizophrenia, manic-depressive psychosis, etc.), but also deals with the treatment of any mental disorders due to various reasons. Therefore, in order not to suffer from irritability and not deliver unpleasant moments to your relatives and work colleagues, it is advisable to contact a psychiatrist and get qualified help.

In addition, if irritability is present against the background of an obvious illness, then you should also contact the doctor who diagnoses and treats the existing non-mental pathology.

For example, if irritability worries a diabetic patient, then he should contact a psychiatrist and endocrinologist (make an appointment) to correct both the emotional background and the course of diabetes.

If irritability worries against the background of respiratory diseases or the flu, then you need to contact a psychiatrist and therapist (sign up). However, with such diseases, it makes sense to wait for recovery, and only if irritability remains after the flu or SARS has passed, you need to contact a psychiatrist.

When irritability appeared after suffering stress against the background of an injury, you need to contact a psychiatrist and Rehabilitation doctor (make an appointment), which deals with the normalization of the functions of injured organs and systems after the main treatment (after surgery, etc.).

When irritability bothers a woman during periods of premenstrual syndrome, menopause or after childbirth, then you need to contact gynecologist (make an appointment) and a psychiatrist.

When a man suffers from irritability, you should turn to andrologist (make an appointment) and a psychiatrist.

If the child is irritable against the background of an allergic disease, then you need to contact allergist (make an appointment) and child psychiatrist.

If a young child is very irritable, and at the same time he was diagnosed with perinatal encephalopathy, then it is necessary to contact neurologist (make an appointment). It is pointless to contact a psychiatrist, since the child does not speak yet, and his brain is only developing.

What tests and examinations can a doctor prescribe for irritability?

In case of irritability, the psychiatrist does not prescribe tests, the doctor of this specialty conducts diagnostics by questioning and various tests. The psychiatrist listens carefully to his patient, asks clarifying questions if necessary, and, based on the answers, makes a diagnosis and prescribes the necessary treatment.

To assess brain function, a psychiatrist may prescribe electroencephalography (sign up) and the evoked potential method. To assess the state of various brain structures, their connections and interactions with each other, the doctor may prescribe tomography (computerized, magnetic resonance (sign up), gamma tomography, or positron emission tomography).

There are contraindications. Before use, you should consult with a specialist.

Get rid of feelings of anger

Feeling of irritation. The main causes of irritation, what interferes and how to get rid of irritation.

Greetings dear readers!

The feeling of irritation is still the same emotion and, like any emotion, it arises in response to some circumstances provoking us. And how we evaluate these circumstances for ourselves, that is, how we relate to them and what emotions they cause, be it anger, irritation, fear, sadness, resentment, guilt, etc., depends on our perception. And each person has a different perception of certain things and situations.

For example, the same situation can anger, upset or annoy someone, the second will cause fear, and the third will not have any emotions at all or even amuse and amuse.

Someone can be annoyed by someone's stupidity, someone's rudeness or boasting, someone's slovenliness, someone's excessive slowness, rudeness, or even loud laughter and joy.

That is, the feeling of irritation for each individual and it all depends on how we ourselves relate and perceive certain situations, facts and the people themselves.

Consider some of the main, deep causes of our irritation.

Why does it happen that we are irritated precisely by these, and not by some other facts and circumstances, and why do the same phenomena for different people cause different reactions in them?

A rude and unpleasant person is not irritated by his own rudeness. And no one is annoyed by their own slowness, indecision or boringness, although sometimes we can do it for it.

I have already said at the beginning that everything depends on perception, the essence of which is “non-acceptance” or “acceptance”.

For example, we may be annoyed by something that we cannot accept in other people. Which goes against our principles and beliefs. We are like that and we believe that we are necessarily right, we think and act correctly, which means that others should listen to us and do as we advise them, if they themselves do something wrong.

And many simply cannot come to terms with what is manifested in the behavior and actions of other people.

Here I immediately want to say, it is still unknown how right and who is right here, life is a tricky thing, but the truth is relative!

And if something pisses you off, it means that something owns you, you are not able to take it calmly, which means that you are no longer free! But nature and our whole world are multifaceted and perfect, and perfection is precisely in diversity, both in bad, in our opinion, and in good.

Therefore, you need to accept, let go and give the right to everyone to believe or not believe in what he wants. Everyone creates their own world and everyone copes with their problems in their own way, someone runs away from them in their own way, and someone lives without avoiding difficulties and responsibilities. And this is their right!

The main indicator in the end will be who mentally feels more harmonious and happier, who knows how to live and enjoy life just like that.

Those who run away from difficulties can hardly be called happy, because killing moments of their lives in meaningless actions, alcohol and drugs means running away from oneself and from one's possibilities. For such people, the value of life is lost, they always live in anticipation of oblivion or something that can distract themselves from thoughts, so as not to think and not feel painful, they have not learned to live in harmony with themselves. But then again, it's their choice!

And if a loved one disappoints you so much, you tried for a long time and could not do anything with him, leave him alone, let him live as he wants, and start a new life yourself with a person who is suitable for your views and life principles. It is clear that the uncertainty of change will be frightening, but it is better to start from scratch than to live with disappointment without even trying.

And be that as it may, all the same, with your irritation, you will achieve little from people and do not prove anything to them. Irritation causes only reciprocal, active or hidden, aggression in a person and nothing more. He will still remain with his own!

So why get annoyed, ruffle your nerves, spoil your mood and health, and waste precious time on something that we cannot influence?

I would immediately answer myself like this: “Well, what the hell am I going to take a steam bath and torture myself if I’m still not able to change anything here.”

But that's just one of the main reasons., we are often annoyed by the fact that finds some response within ourselves. And it usually has to do with what we really want to get rid of and what we don’t like about ourselves .

What could it be? We have conscious principles, beliefs, innermost desires and life experiences, but we forget that each of us also has innate qualities, both good, from the point of view of our morality, and “bad” ones that represent our dark or weak side. . Under the bad, we can represent, for example, anger, cruelty, greed, cowardice, depravity, selfishness, arrogance, lies, hypocrisy, etc.

And if we notice something in ourselves that goes against our conscious beliefs, we immediately try to get rid of it, brush it off or justify ourselves, in short, we begin to fight and engage in self-improvement, which is generally good, if slowly, carefully and right, we all want and strive to become better.

But there are things that we cannot cope with, these are our subconscious, animal instincts and innate qualities given to us by nature.

We cannot completely tear out of ourselves what we originally are. And trying to get rid of something like that, we are fighting with a part of ourselves!

This, by the way, is the main cause of various mental disorders of a person, when there is an internal conflict (struggle) of conscious principles and attitudes, with subconscious instincts and innate qualities that a person refuses to accept. And this is also one of the factors and indicators of our irritation.

In other people, we are annoyed by exactly what is in ourselves and what we sincerely hate.

That is, if we, for example, by nature aggressive or greedy, but according to some moral principles we want to be kind, good and with an open generous soul, then we will often be annoyed by those qualities in a person that we suppress in ourselves, but notice them in others.

This is what we hid and hide from everyone, including from ourselves, which involuntarily reminds us of our own “inner sins” that we cannot accept in ourselves.

And it's very important to be here honest with yourself to become able to understand yourself and understand what is happening inside. And then accept the reality whatever it is and calm down, thereby saving yourself from the constant struggle and.

Then the irritation that arises for this reason would first diminish, and then completely go away on its own.

Therefore, it is better to immediately say to yourself: Yes, I'm not as good as I thought. Yes, I'm so bad, but I also have strong, good sides. But now I am honest with myself, I sincerely accept everything good and bad in myself. And I don’t owe anything to anyone and just the way I am.”.

And further, if there is such a desire, you can engage in your own development and correct some weaknesses in yourself, that is, become not ideal, who we imagine ourselves to be inside, but simply gradually become better and better, stronger, calmer, more independent, etc., but this does not mean completely get rid of from a part of yourself, whatever that part is.

In general, look at yourself and pay attention to it.

And now let's move on specifically to the details of how to get rid of your irritability.

Here it must be said that the feeling of irritation is a natural, natural reaction, like the same, anger or sadness.

If some kind of Alibabaevich, this bad person, drops a battery on your leg, then you are unlikely to experience a feeling of joy. And if you are a well-mannered person, with good manners and “correct”, respectable principles, then it is foolish to deny that this will not cause you any obscene, negative emotions.

Feelings of anger and irritation will be justified here, to put it mildly. That is, it is clear that you will be angry and annoyed, and maybe even some kind of “bad” desire will appear.

With this example, I wanted to show that all our feelings have natural roots, and therefore have the right to be!

And if someone did something bad to us, it will be evil for us and we have the right to express it at least with our emotions, for example, with the same irritation.

Moreover, if we often or always restrain and suppress our irritation or other natural, albeit negative ones, then we will certainly show our integrity and willpower, but this will only be our external reaction, we will simply put on a mask of restraint, and we ourselves the energy of this negative emotion will not disappear anywhere, but will intensify and be directed inward, which will lead to even greater psycho-emotional discomfort.

And over time, this can lead to a depressed state, low energy, some kind of mental disorder, and even physical illness.

As a result, it turns out that you need not to restrain yourself and not be afraid to express your emotions if they arise for a well-founded reason. All this is true, but only on one side.

The fact is that if we often show our irritability for any reason and splash it out, then irritability will only progress. We will gradually become nervous, no longer in control of our emotions; secondly, it is unlikely that we will develop good relationships with people, relationships in the family and at work. This behavior can easily lead to failure and loneliness.

What then to do? It is impossible to restrain negative, natural emotions, and expressing them will also be of little good.

When you begin to feel the first signs of irritation, and it is easy to notice this, if you listen and observe yourself, then immediately try to “slow down time”, look at everything, at any little things that surround you, and at people with deep, slow attention ; do not make sudden movements so as not to break firewood; do not make rash, emotional decisions at this moment. As a rule, it is they who lead to wrong actions and often irreversible consequences, which we later regret. And do not splash out your irritation and your negative thoughts on others. After all, this is what you need in the first place.

In order to remain calm, not get irritated and be able to stop your emotions without suppressing yourself and not harming your health, your psyche, it is important conscious reinforcement to your action, that is, to do it fully aware of why and for whom you are doing it, to be aware of the reason.

And for this you need to clearly and clearly () for yourself why it is so important for me to keep my irritability within the framework.

Then we not only consciously, but more importantly, subconsciously accept this restraint as a necessary and important reaction for us.

And now, when we restrain our negative emotion IN BEHAVIOR, such a strong internal conflict and suppression will not be created, it will not just be an action based on one willpower and patience, but become a conscious and healthy act, at which, positive the stimulus will help to neutralize the flashed energy.

You will need to find time so that no one bothers you and calmly explain to yourself - why what and how.

To do this, answer yourself two main questions: “Why can’t I get annoyed?” and “Who needs it first of all?”. This will be your first step, which will push you and your inner perception to change.

We answer the questions - “Why is it better for us not to be annoyed?”. A few answers:

— I shouldn’t get annoyed because it won’t solve, but will only aggravate the situation;

- I won’t prove anything to anyone with my irritation, because they simply won’t hear me;

- irritation spoils my mood, physical well-being and often leads to stupid actions;

- with such behavior I worsen relations with loved ones;

- often being irritated, I can ruin my career (relationships with superiors);

- an irritated, unrestrained person is unpleasant in communication and;

- problems are not solved with the help of irritation;

- showing irritation, I can lose a loved one;

- when irritated, unpleasant symptoms always appear in the body in the form of sensations (heartbeat, pressure, internal tension increase, stress hormones - cortisol, etc. are released, often a headache begins). And over time, it can lead to the formation.

And we will immediately answer our second question - “Who needs it?”. The answer here should be clear as day, of course, you need it first of all, and also our relatives and relatives, since they also suffer because of our irritability and nervousness.

When analyzing and answering these questions, you can remember your personal situations from life, look and answer for yourself whether your incontinence helped or harmed you.

When you understand all this for yourself, you will automatically, subconsciously begin to treat irritating factors somewhat calmer.

How to get rid of irritation - practical steps and recommendations.

In addition to perception, our irritation, like other emotions, if we experience this feeling repeatedly. and often, it becomes our habit. That is, we begin to react more and more often to situations that at least somehow do not suit us and, out of habit, we immediately get annoyed.

In many cases, we become habitually irritated by certain factors and certain people.

And if we have developed some kind of habitual reaction to a situation or a certain person, whether we like it or not, this reaction will flash automatically whenever there is a certain stimulus.

I mean, we're just getting used to it. unconsciously react in this way.

The dynamic stereotype is a deeply rooted habit that is a very serious reason that prevents us from coping with our negative emotions.

And where are all our beliefs, attitudes, principles, bad and good habits laid down?

They are born in consciousness, but they are deposited much deeper, in our subcortex of the brain (). That is why we can’t take it like that and consciously, easily give up something, although mentally we could change our minds more than once, change our minds, but at first there’s little sense in this.

And this will continue until we change something within ourselves, we don’t change some of our habits at a level deeper than our consciousness.

To do this, you need not only to clearly understand why we get rid of some negative emotions, but also to change the habitual reaction itself, get annoyed. Replace it with a new, more effective one, which in turn will gradually develop and become our already useful habit.

The second step in getting rid of irritation.

When only you caught the first signs of irritation, we begin consciously observe behind this feeling inner feeling. In general, it is advisable to do this whenever you experience any emotions, so you do not fight them, do not suppress them, but only track and observe, study yourself and accept them as a normal reaction to some situation.

We direct our attention from the object of irritation to this very emotion, which is now inflaming inside you. Observe how it affects you, what do you feel, is there something unpleasant in the body and where?

Just look at this feeling without suppressing the feeling, it is pointless to resist what is already there. After all, irritation is a natural emotion and there can be a good reason for its appearance. Annoyance can be got rid of only when you deeply realize that it is useless and that you are able to control it.

That's why we do not suppress, but take it for granted. At this point, it will be good to say a short phrase to yourself: “ I'm irritated now, I feel irritated inside". This makes it easier to accept this emotion and disidentify ourselves with it, but at the same time we try not to spill everything on others.

You will see that irritation, if you begin to observe and study it, gradually ceases to inflame. This happens because you, being in the state of a conscious observer, notice that this feeling brings physical and mental pain, and when you realize this, you no longer want to intensify this pain.

All this must be experienced in practice in order to understand how this happens, but once you realize and try, over time you will start to get better.

Let's conclude:

- We focus our attention on the irritation itself, as on an internal sensation, and not on the object of irritation;

- We don’t fight, we don’t suppress this feeling, but we just observe it, see how it affects our general condition.

The point is that when we are very worried about something and we identify with this experience, we identify ourselves - this means that at this moment there is a feeling as if the experience itself is “I”, we almost stop thinking consciously, emotion has suppressed us and we no longer notice what is happening around in reality, emotion is just governs us.

Therefore, we need to consciously focus all our attention on the irritation that has arisen and study it from the inside.

When you notice that you are annoyed with someone, at such moments you can wear a light, relaxed smile on your face, directed not at the object of irritation, but inside yourself. You have to feel it, as it were.

Such a smile helps to look and perceive the situation easier. Just do not overdo it with this smile, if you hold it for a long time, you feel tension - let it go.

And even with such solid techniques, it will not be easy at first until your new reaction is strengthened and becomes habitual. But with regular practice, everything will work out.

It is only important to return to the old habit less often - to get irritated uncontrollably. And then today he did so, and tomorrow he returned to the previous one. If somewhere you couldn’t restrain yourself, it’s okay, put up with it and just skip this moment and continue to train yourself.

Another important point:

When you learn to cope with irritation and this ceases to be your weakness, after unpleasant situations, there will still be a residual effect of this emotion, and here it is best to do the following.

We go to the gym or even at home you can angrily beat a pillow or something like that. It will be great just to do sports exercises.

If any of you went to the gym, you know that after a good workout, you feel refreshed, relaxed and calm, all the negativity that remained inside splashed out in physical activity. Reasonable (not professional) sport is very useful and necessary, both from the physical and psychological side.

Thus, nothing will accumulate inside you, and when annoying situations arise, you will approach them much more calmly.

In general, about the causes of irritation.

Irritation in a person can be for various reasons, on the one hand, it’s just a habit to get annoyed with everything, but on the other hand, people and situations that irritate us for good reasons. And here we need to take a closer look at what this feeling indicates to us, what exactly causes anger, resentment or a feeling of disgust, guilt, etc. in us.

It often happens that irritation and dissatisfaction are the result of some unresolved problem, for example, if you are not at all satisfied with your work or personal relationships are not satisfied, or maybe someone hurts you all the time - insults, constantly ignores your opinion and in general does not listen to your wishes. You sincerely try for a person, try to please him, and in return you get indifference or even aggression.

In this case, you need to look at this feeling, find the cause and see how best to solve this life situation.

Just as often, irritation is a sign of psycho-emotional overwork and, and can be.

The cause of constant irritation can be increased (constant) anxiety, chronic fatigue, dissatisfaction with oneself and life in general. In this case, you need to fight not with irritation, but gradually eliminate the cause of anxiety, fatigue and a negative attitude towards yourself.

How to get rid of feelings of irritation - important points:

1). From my own experience, I can say that any of my emotions, whether they are positive or negative, in order to make it easier to cope, it is best to catch at the very beginning, when you just begin to feel their appearance.

And in order to do this most effectively, you need to gradually learn to observe your state, this is what is called the beginning. conscious life, when a person himself begins to manage his life, and does not give everything to the will of the internal elements in the form of emotions and thoughts.

Therefore, be sure to try, without tension, gently trace your thoughts, emotions and feelings that arise. You will quickly begin to understand where, what comes from and who is the boss in the “house” (inside you), you or your thoughts and feelings.

2) When you have any negative emotions, try to do little by little opposite what they provoke you to.
For example, if you are angry with a person, try to smile and say something pleasant to him, which he may not expect at all. This, by the way, can sometimes give a striking and wonderful result.

If it is not possible to do the opposite, then simply ignore the annoying factor and see yourself as described above.

Such opposite actions will be good exercises and as you apply, you will learn to observe and control your emotions, this will help you quickly get rid of irritation.

3) Putting into practice everything that was discussed here, remember that you cannot force yourself, do everything without undue effort, do not bring yourself to overwork. Any change takes time, and excessive zeal leads to.

4) Remember that being annoyed, you will never prove anything to anyone. And even if someone agrees with your arguments, it is only because you scared him with your aggression, but in himself he will still remain in his opinion.

5) There may be some separate, rare exceptions in life when you should express your negative emotions, as in the case of Alibabaevich or when some impudent "goat" climbs out of turn. The emergence of irritation and even anger in this case is natural and justified. Therefore, if you have already broken somewhere, then so be it, do not be angry with yourself, do not blame, sometimes you even need to be a little angry.

In general, try more often to just think about what is pleasant and not annoying, smile sincerely more often and focus on what is really useful and necessary for you.

Finally:

- People are different, scum, those who specifically go to conflict and completely irresponsible enough. There is a lot of injustice in the world in general.

Think and answer yourself - is there any point in being indignant about those situations and those people that you cannot influence or at least change something?

It makes no sense to get upset and torture yourself. Being irritated, we often provoke the appearance of guilt and increase the feeling of resentment, and this is also direct aggression against ourselves. Your health and good mood is much, much more important. Just as it is and everything that is in it, without trying to adjust the outside world for yourself (your views and beliefs). You don't change people if they don't want to.

Change your prejudiced attitude towards yourself, towards people and towards the world to a softer and calmer one, then there will be no reason for irritation, it will simply flare up in you less often.

“Also remember that when you get irritated, you lose control of the situation and give that control to someone else who is more cunning, perspicacious and able to use your irritation for their own purposes.

Become a mindful observer of the annoyance, not the annoyance itself. Make a deep, inner choice for yourself, do you even need to go about this oppressive, burning and restless feeling? What is more important for you - to experience all his negativity on yourself or do you need peace of mind, normal relationships with people and health?

Realizing for yourself what is best for you (the choice is obvious here), you will eventually be able to internally almost give up this emotion.

And in order to make it easier and calmer to live through unpleasant situations, always try to breathe correctly, breathing is one of the most important components of our well-being, I wrote about it. Good luck!

Sincerely, Andrey Russkikh

There are two consonant concepts - irritability and irritation. These are terms related to the same science, but differing in their meaning. Although they are directly related. However, about everything - in order.

Terminology

So irritation is action. Which turns out to be various forms and manifestations on the body, its cells, tissues and organs. Those, in turn, are called irritants. According to their classification and characteristics, they differ, but more on that later.

Irritability, in turn, is the body's ability to respond to certain influences coming from the environment. It is expressed in a change in physico-chemical parameters. That is, irritability is a consequence of irritation. And this is a universal manifestation of the vital activity of each biological system without exception. Its presence is the norm. This is what distinguishes the living from the inanimate. And, by the way, the phenomena of irritability in animals and plants are similar. Let the forms of manifestation differ.

Excitability

This term is directly related to the topic under discussion, so it is impossible not to note its attention. Excitability is the ability of a living organism to respond to a stimulus. This is, in fact, the process of generating a nerve impulse. And excitation is a complex of processes of response to the action exerted by the stimulus. All of them are manifested in a change in metabolism and

Excitable tissues (muscle, nerve and glandular) are distinguished by their ability to conduct excitation. It is most pronounced in the nerves, which is logical. Also skeletal muscles.

Cause of all reactions

As mentioned earlier, irritation is an action. Which turns out to be on us all the time, albeit imperceptibly. These lines, read by a person, visually irritate him. As such, they are irritants.

This term refers to any factor of the internal or external environment that affects living tissue. But there is a classification, and a detailed one.

Irritants are primarily divided by nature. They can be:

• Physical. This is what surrounds us everywhere: sound, light, electricity, etc.
• Chemical. Acids, salts, hormones, alkalis ... even substances that enter the body with food. In order for them to assimilate, complex metabolic and splitting processes are carried out for them. Accordingly, the notorious substances have a certain irritation on the body, since it does this.
• Physical and chemical. It's a little more complicated here. This class includes the osmotic and partial pressure of gases.
• Biological. In short, this category includes everything that we take inside (water, food) and the people around us (parents, friends, lovers).
• Social. Yes, conversations, speech, words, communications - all these are also irritants.

Force of influence

It is impossible not to say about such a thing as the threshold of irritation. This is physiology, and every aspect is interconnected. The classification of influences according to the nature of origin was mentioned above. So, there is also a division of stimuli according to strength. But in order to understand what it is about, you need to know about the notorious threshold of influence. In simple terms, this is the minimum force exerted on the body by an irritant, which is sufficient to cause excitation. Of course, fresh bread, right under the nose of a person, has a pronounced aroma, but even a subtle smell stretching from a bakery from a neighboring street is enough to activate.

So, stimuli can be subthreshold. That is, not to cause any response. Their strength is too weak for that. Thresholds are the golden mean. Irritants of minimal strength (as in the case of a bakery), causing arousal. And the third category is superthreshold influences. Those whose strength is above the threshold (shown in the example of bread).

How does it work?

Well, irritation is physiology, and everything that concerns it proceeds in accordance with certain laws. And this case is no exception.

There is such a thing as reobase. It denotes the minimum force possessed by an irritant that causes excitation over a long time period. Which is not limited.

This is where the concept of useful time comes from. This is the minimum period during which the stimulus, which has the power of one reobase, affects the body. In simple terms, the time that is enough for the emergence of excitement.

And the last, third component is chronaxia. This term is used to denote the minimum time period during which an irritant having the strength of two rheobases has an effect on the body. The conclusion follows: the shorter the chronaxia or useful time, the higher the excitability will be. On the contrary, this principle also works.

Turning to psychology

Well, it was said above about what a physiological strong irritation is. This is a more or less clear topic. Now you can pay attention to the psychological aspect.

Everyone knows that irritation is a feeling. Which a person experiences when he is affected by an unpleasant person, action or phenomenon. In general, anything. But most importantly, it is necessarily connected with the personal perception of a person. Suppose a man is not going to get married. He wants to do business, because he sees himself in the business field, it brings him pleasure and joy. But his entire large family is firmly convinced that he needs to find a lover, get married and “twist a nest”. And no one is embarrassed to regularly remind him of this in an obsessive form. Accordingly, an emotion of irritation arises in his soul. It `s naturally. Which entails, as a rule, a sharp response. Which is quite understandable.

Special cases

It is worth noting one more nuance. Irritation is a concept in psychology that has another meaning. It often means a tendency to inadequate reactions to quite ordinary processes and phenomena. True, it is more correct to call it irritability. Which is explained by psychologists as folded aggression.

People deal with this in different ways. And it is necessary to fight this, because irritability spoils life. How can a person who is "brought to a boil" by the aroma of a colleague's perfume, a friend's minute lateness to a meeting and the laughter of other people be happy? But it does happen. In people with increased irritability, the world, as a rule, exists in black colors.

Well, in this case, you need to try to take everything under control and start resolving the problem. Since the accumulated irritation does not bode well.

In fact, each of us would like to avoid friction in relationships with loved ones. Remain calm, balanced, and not piss each other off with caustic remarks or outbursts of anger. And therefore the ability to manage conflicts, even minor ones, is a useful skill.

Coach Kira Asatryan insists that there are times when making your partner angry is good for a relationship. Let's look at situations where a little annoyance doesn't hurt a couple.

1. Irritation is a sign that you are comfortable with each other.

When we first start dating someone, we try to be the best we can be, especially if the person is attracted to us. We refrain from certain activities that our partner may not like, such as not lounging in front of the TV all weekend with a bag of chips and eating our favorite spaghetti straight from the pan.

But sooner or later, the real "I" begins to get out and somehow strains the partner. A typical example is Harry walking naked around Charlotte's apartment, which causes her bewilderment, and then anxiety (Sex and the City series). In a way, Charlotte's annoyance is a sign that she and Harry are in a real, deep relationship.

“The manifestation of the true “I” with all its habits and oddities means that you are calm and comfortable with each other,” explains the coach. “When you start bickering and butting heads, it means that you no longer feel the need to always say the “right” things, and this shows the sincerity and strength of the relationship.”

2. But it's also a sign that you're not too comfortable.

Anxiety should not be caused by quarrels and minor frictions, but by your emotional self-elimination. If you or your partner have reached the stage of complete indifference and each other's actions do not cause emotions - neither joy, nor irritation or disappointment - this is a sign that you are out of the game.

The task is not to get rid of frustration, but to recognize the true meaning of irritation.

“Of course, it is not worth provoking too sharp conflicts,” the expert clarifies. - But the absence of any emotional outbursts for the relationship can be even worse. If you feel anxiety next to your partner, it means that you still feel something ... Would you really like to stop feeling at all? In short, negative emotions can be a sign that there is still life in a relationship!”

3. Find opportunities for development in annoyance

Of course, not every manifestation of irritation should be searched for a high meaning. The fact that a partner is regularly late for dinner or forgets to wash the car may not mean anything special. But still, in many situations, much more often than we realize, actions that cause rejection serve an important purpose. Friction zones sometimes highlight the differences of partners, but can highlight problems in a relationship. It happens that irritation indicates those aspects of life together that need to be improved.

How do you know what partners need to work on? “Pay attention to what pisses you off,” the coach explains. - There may be a serious reason behind regular delays. And the forgetfulness of a partner indicates his irresponsibility, which can cause anxiety in a serious relationship.

So, in my opinion, the task is not to get rid of frustration, but to recognize the true meaning of irritation: it indicates that you do not play any role in the relationship, but remain yourself. About how you can still feel and the relationship could be better, it just needs to be worked on.”

about the author

Kira Asatryan- Coach, relationship specialist, author of Stop Being Lonely: Three Simple Steps to Developing Close Friendships and Deep Relationships, New World Library, 2016.