Hello, Tatyana.

Since adults, when communicating with a child, always evaluate how well-educated he is, polite and restrained children have always been considered a reason for pride among their parents. Each child, as best he can, teaches from childhood to be educated and show respect for adults. It is the attitude towards adults in many cultures of the world that is considered the most important indicator of a person's upbringing. A civilized person is obliged to be educated, and education begins precisely from childhood.

The child must understand what exactly is the difference between adults and his peers. Parents should not only talk about this with their children, but also demonstrate the difference in behavior with people by their own example. different ages... It is difficult for children to understand how to behave with adults in a given situation, therefore it is necessary to lay the foundations of behavior and communication with elders in their heads so that they do not go beyond the permissible boundaries in different situations.

Basics of communication with elders

In all situations, the child should behave with restraint with adults. The warning position does not allow the child to take initiative in communication. It is okay to answer questions in a polite and discreet manner. However, communicating with the family, relatives and close people there is nothing wrong with the fact that the child will take the initiative and ask "How are you?" from a well-known adult (grandfather, father, uncle, family friend, etc.).
The appeal to adults should be only "you", but again, the baby may well turn to "you" to close relatives, and there is nothing terrible or shameful in this. "Hello", "bye" - these are phrases for peers and family members, and for outsiders adults - "Hello", "goodbye".
The child should be the first to greet, regardless of which of the elders is in front of him - the father or the unfamiliar counterpart with whom the mother stopped to talk. It is not at all necessary to enter into a dialogue after that, but the greeting should come from the younger one.
Well-bred children never interrupt adults if there is a lively conversation between them. It doesn't matter if the topic concerns the child himself or the subject of the conversation is far from the baby, whether the baby has a comment, or he just wants to say something from himself. You can speak only after addressing the child, when he is asked a question or the elders want to hear the opinion of the little interlocutor.

In exceptional cases, when the baby needs to say something, he can insert phrases into the adult dialogue: "Sorry, I need to say something," "I am sorry, can I interrupt you," etc. Some parents even develop a certain system of signals if the child needs to be told something very urgently. For example, a baby may squeeze his mother's hand, letting her know that he has some urgent business for her.

In dialogue with adults, children should be extremely restrained, speak without indulging, without grimacing. Well-bred children often use polite words in conversations with older children.
Children should never argue with adults, and even more so it is unacceptable to enter into any conflicts. The child needs to be taught that if he disagrees with something, then it is not necessary to "assent" to everything. It is necessary to listen calmly, let the elder finish the monologue, and only after that express your opinion very correctly, albeit the opposite.
Help for adults will never cease to be relevant. Holding the door for an elderly person, giving up a seat on public transport or on a street bench, shaking hands at a pedestrian crossing - this is something even the smallest can do.

It is very important to teach the child not only the rules of communication with elders, but also precautions. Do not forget to tell the children about how to behave with strangers, that there are not only "good" adults, but also "bad" ones who have evil intentions. Give examples to the children, experiment more often, asking him how he would behave in this or that situation. Such work will not go unnoticed, and the child will not only be educated and polite, but also informed.

Sincerely, Natalia.

Good afternoon, dear readers! Being a parent is both very enjoyable and difficult. It is not always possible to find an approach to the child, to establish healthy contact with him, especially when the children grow up and leave their father's house for free swimming. Today I want to raise the topic: how to communicate with older children. Parents often make mistakes that greatly interfere with healthy relationships with their children. Let's take a look at what these errors are and how you can fix the situation.

Being a parent

As children, we don’t think about how difficult it is sometimes for our mothers and fathers. They try to do their best for our happy future, and they guide and mentor us. Each mother worries about her child tirelessly, even in a dream, even being around.

But as soon as we become a parent ourselves, something clicks in our heads. There are so many parenting tips, special books, trainings, films around that you get lost and don't understand how to do everything, how not to miss anything, how.

While the baby is very small, the mother does not sleep at night, worries, worries. This state does not leave even when the daughter turns eighteen, twenty-five or thirty-nine. The excitement still lives on in the mother's heart. And this is absolutely normal, the main thing is to learn how to deal with it competently and not interfere with the life of an adult child.

I bring to your attention a wonderful article that will help you learn how to cope with anxiety and worries about your children - "". If you learn to control these emotions, it will become much easier for you to communicate with both young children, teenagers, and adults.

Reasons for misunderstanding

Why is it so difficult to build a healthy relationship with an adult son or daughter? In many respects, it all depends on parental perception, desires and behavior. A mother or father cannot fully accept the fact that their baby has already grown up, that he is not small and it is time to finish protecting and raising him. All the same, there is a feeling that you need to help him and suggest.

In addition, when the child leaves home, it seems that the parents are no longer needed. Feelings of abandonment. Because of this, resentment, anger, irritation come. Forgot, did not call, did not come, and so on.

The mother continues to feel her power even over an adult son. Of course, being small, he was completely dependent on her. I had to ask permission, obey, be punished for a misdemeanor. The feeling of power sometimes remains, only now the child no longer needs such strong patronage. He himself has the right to decide for himself and make a choice.

The feeling that a son or daughter owes something. They must devote a lot of time to their parents, must constantly call and come to visit. And because of unjustified hopes and expectations, only unnecessary problems appear and relations deteriorate.

Another reason is personal space. Parents try to give advice, understand the situation, help, but this is no longer needed. An adult daughter herself can cope with the issue of work or relationship with her spouse. But the mother still continues her daughter's personal life. This violation of boundaries leads to quarrels.

Sometimes parents start to catch their grown children cheating. It's not uncommon to be honest. Many adults don't tell the whole truth to their mom. Be sure to read the article "". In it you will find a description of the many reasons why children do this to their parents. This does not always come from malicious intent.

Establish communication

How to make communication with children pleasant and useful for both parties? First, you need to understand that the daughter or son is already adults and independent, that they themselves can make decisions, make choices, make mistakes, stumble, but they will certainly cope with everything without your help. And when it is hard for them, they will definitely come to you.

Just be prepared to support and give parenting advice. But only when asked to do so.

Secondly, learn not to be offended by the lack of attention from children. Remember, they have their own life, their own family and it is not always possible to find time to communicate with their parents. This is not as scary as it might seem at first glance. Do you spend a lot of time with your parents yourself?

Instead of being offended, talk, calmly explain that you would like to see more often, call up in the evenings or if possible. Don't swear or blame the child.

Third, take care of your life. Now you really need the ability to switch attention to yourself. Displease your husband, travel, find, take care of your grandchildren, if they have already appeared with you. Give your child freedom. Give this freedom to yourself too.

Now you can finally fully devote time to yourself and only yourself. It's a wonderful period. Enjoy it.

If you can't cope on your own, then seek help from a psychologist. and together we will try to solve exactly your problem. Buy the book by Natalia Manukhina " Parents and adult children". It contains very interesting and useful thoughts that will help you better understand your adult child and yourself.

Why do you most often conflict with your child? How did your relationship with your parents develop as you grew up? What do you expect from children?

I am sure that you will definitely be able to establish contact with children.
Good luck to you!

Original taken from

vsegda_tvoj

1. Ignore them

2. Bribe them

3. Compliment them

4. Listen to them

5. Ask for forgiveness

6. If he wants, let him do it

7. Don't tell them what to do.

8. Don't complain about their lives

9. Don't argue

10. Don't make them cry

Natalia Klimenchenko,

How well a child is educated, cultured and intelligent is most often assessed by adults: grandparents, your friends, their parents, neighbors. Therefore, impeccable manners in dealing with adults is a sure way to pride in your child in the most "adult" companies.

The rules of conduct with adults are based on respect for elders. Traditions of respect for age and especially polite attitude of the younger to the elder are present in many national cultures. To behave politely with elders is the universal human standard of behavior for all civilized people. It is necessary for every person to know and observe them.

First, you need to explain to the child the difference between elders and peers. After all, inquisitive children perfectly notice the differences in the behavior of their parents: not all the acquaintances mom and dad behave the same way.

With elders around the world, communication etiquette is built on respect for age and experience. And if in a particular situation it is simply not clear how to behave, proceed from the rule of respect for the elder.

With older people, they keep their distance in communication: they behave with restraint and courtesy.

Older people are addressed as "you." Exceptions: close relatives, family members.

For friends: "Hello!", "Bye!" For seniors: "Hello!", "Goodbye!"

The child always greets the adult first, does not wait for the adult to greet the child.

If adults are talking, a cultured child does not interrupt them. And even less does he comment on what they say. If you absolutely need to ask or say something, you should apologize and ask permission to interrupt the conversation: "Sorry, I need to ask," "I beg your pardon, can I interrupt you?"

When talking with adults, cultured children do not shout, do not indulge, they often speak polite words.

Children do not enter into disputes and conflicts with their elders, patiently listen to their comments. And only after the elder has finished speaking, they can politely and calmly express their opinion or disagreement.

It is still considered good practice to help the elderly: for example, give up a seat in transport, hold the door, etc. Especially if the elderly person asked for it.

Elder etiquette is the area of \u200b\u200bgood manners where the personal example of the parents decides almost everything. If your family respects elders, treats age with sufficient respect, your child will learn these rules from childhood and will follow them. Including with you ... 30 years later.

The Times correspondent Ted Safren has drawn up 10 rules for dealing with women, based on the experience of communicating with his 2-year-old niece Lou-Lu.

I'm Single. I was over thirty. For 20 years now I have been trying to understand women - but not always. And only six months ago I had the opportunity to look into the consciousness of a woman, to understand how it works. Lou-Lu, my two-year-old niece, helped me with this. I know, I know: since I am an adult, it is my responsibility to teach her all sorts of useful things, and not vice versa, but in this case the training was mutual.

I taught her to wink, blow winds on purpose, burp and count to 10. In the latter case, not entirely successful. “One, two, three, seven, nine, ten” - which suits me personally: I have always thought that the meaning of the numbers “four”, “five”, “six” and “eight” is somewhat exaggerated.

In return, I learned more about women in two months than I learned from my own experience in two decades. Don't think I think women are two-year-olds who deserve to be treated accordingly. I love my niece. I respect my niece. For my niece, I’ll cover an unexploded grenade — and not just to cheer up the baby. Actually, I will fall on a grenade only if there is a real danger that it will explode and the girl will suffer.

Every woman is an individuality, and I am making generalizations, but in the soul of two-year-old Lou-Lou lives an undiluted, unspoiled essence - so to speak, a subconscious expression, the Freudian "it" - of femininity. Let me list what I learned.

1. Ignore them.

If, entering the room, I pumped up to Lou-Lou, like a clown, trying to occupy her and entertain her, she will pretend not to notice me at all. As if I don't exist. If I walk past her, then, I guarantee, she will call my name and want to play with me.

2. Bribe them.

Gifts are effective. Preferably noisy or shiny. In Lou-Lou's case, that means singing plush animals or glitter hairpins are needed. Apparently, for adult women, the analog will be, for example, cars and jewelry.

3. Compliment them.

I always thought - and in vain - that compliments are like diamonds: they say, they are appreciated only when they are rare. Throw a large batch on the market and they will be worthless. Not at all. Lou-Lou relieves the need for her diaper, everyone applauds - as if she had just invented how to effectively save the planet from hunger - and the baby just blossoms with joy. The same method works in relationships with older women, although of course I mean general methodology, but not the illustrative example given here (alas, I learned this lesson at the cost of some sacrifices).

4. Listen to them.

All my life I've tried to guess in advance what women want. But you didn't have to strain yourself. If I am attentive, Lou-Lou will clearly tell me what she wants: eat, dance, a doll, jump, run, sing, play, read. I just have to arrange everything. How much easier my life would be if I listened to what women say and acted in accordance with their words.

5. Ask for forgiveness.

It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter if you don't even know what you've done. Perhaps I have deeply insulted Lou-Lou by putting the wrong doll in her carriage. What seems to me or you to be a minor offense is for her something comparable to genocide. The best method is to surrender to her mercy and beg for forgiveness. But your voice must be sincere. You don't need to be sincerely repentant - just pretend. Just like two and two - but the mass of men ignore this advice ...

6. If he wants, let him do it.

It doesn't matter what it is about. No matter how stupid this business or occupation may seem to you, do not interfere with it - let it do it. If Lou-Lou got something in her head, you can't dissuade her. Strictly speaking, support the woman in her endeavors and even encourage. Then relax and hope that she herself discovers what a stupid idea this is. The trouble is, she might find the idea great. Somehow I, myself not understanding how, spent two whole hours playing doll tea and pretending to drink so many cups of tea that then until evening I pretended to run to the toilet.

7. Don't tell them what to do.

The best way to ensure that she doesn't do what you want her to do is to tell her to do it. The wisest thing is to give her the impression that the initiative comes from her. I am very proud of myself, for example, because I convinced Lou-Lou that watching the Rugby World Cup final is much more fun than playing in the sandbox.

8. Don't complain about life to them.

This is a difficult moment. I mean, a woman should not be burdened with her petty problems. When I complain to Lou-Lou about a bad meeting or back pain, she remains completely indifferent, but if there really is something wrong, she instinctively feels it and hugs me - and just incredibly lifts my spirit.

9. Don't argue.

It's just pointless. You will never win in an argument, and if you do, it will not give you anything good: her mood will deteriorate for a long time. Honestly, why bother? And here we turn to my final and most important recommendation:

10. Don't make them cry.

There is no more depressing picture than seeing Lou-Lou's huge, innocent brown eyes filling with tears, and her mouth opening, drooling and turning into a funeral air raid siren that pierces my heart. When she cries, I am completely defenseless in front of her. And there is no cure for crying known to science. Give her something to eat? To portray a monkey in front of her? Buy her a pony? Gouge yourself out with a toothpick? I’m ready for anything so that she doesn’t cry ... and she cries ...

What rules do you have?

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Source: "The Times"
Preview photo: bohemianspirit

Olga Chusovitina
Conversation "Rules of Etiquette"

Rules of etiquette

People know from childhood

"What - etiquette» .

Etiquette are magic rulesthat will help you become a well-mannered, polite and friendly person. Knowing these regulations, you will be able to more easily and simply communicate with your friends, parents, relatives and completely strangers to you. You can easily learn how say hello correctly, to give gifts and receive them, like visiting, talking on the phone and much more ...

Well, are you ready to learn? Then get down to business!

Welcome rules

rules greetings are a very important step in learning rules of etiquette... After all, the first thing we do when we meet a friend is to greet him.

It is very important to know that educated person never expects to be greeted. Don't let yourself get ahead of yourself - do it yourself, especially if you meet an older acquaintance.

It's indecent to wave your arms and shout "Into the crow's throat"if the people you would like to say hello to are far away from you. It will be enough, meeting their gaze, just to nod affably to them.

Loud, surprised whoops: "Ba - who do I see", "finally", "where have you been".

Do not be afraid to say hello to a person once again if you have met him more than once during the day. Greet him with a smile, a nod of your head, or a light wave of your hand.

Rules of conduct at the table

Don't put your elbows on the table: they can interfere with a neighbor, and they take up a lot of space. It is very indecent to swing in a chair.

Don't talk with your mouth full - chew and swallow, then speak, don't chomp - try to eat soundlessly.

To make it easier to chew, do not bite off too large pieces.

Put as much food on your plate as you can eat.

Meat served in a large piece is usually eaten with a fork and with a knife: fork - in the left hand, knife - in right... You cut the meat into small pieces, adjust the knife to the side, take the fork in right hand - and eat yourself! This manner of eating demonstrates good manners. (the plate looks more flavorful).

You do not need to eat with a spoon what you can eat with a fork, and also do not use a knife if you can do it with the same fork. For example, fish, cutlet, aspic do not cut with a knife - break off small pieces with a fork.

Garnish (potatoes, vegetables, pasta) pick on the fork with bread, not with your fingers.

Wipe your hands and lips with napkins, never with your hands, a tablecloth, or clothes.

If you would like to try some dish that is far from you, do not reach for it across the table, but ask to politely pass it on.

From the common dish, add food not with your spoon or fork, but with those that are on the common dish.

Sweets such as cakes and pastries are not eaten from the hand, but broken off with a spoon in a plate.

And the most important thing: it is imperative to thank the person who prepared and served you the dishes, to say magic "Thank you"!

rules table behavior is very important in modern world... A festive table, a trip to a cafe or restaurant, a romantic or friendly dinner cannot do without elementary rules of etiquette.

rules courtesy in conversation

It's so nice when they listen to you attentively! But do you know that you need to be able to listen too!

If someone turns to you, and at this time you are busy with something, put aside your affairs for a while and look at interlocutor, show him your willingness to participate in the conversation.

Never interrupt! Listen carefully to the end. Your comments and tips to the interlocutor during his conversation - inappropriate.

When several people are involved in a conversation, you should not react to speech that is not addressed to you.

When interlocutor in your presence begins to behave tactlessly, speak harshly and irritably, try to end the conversation, but gently and without challenge.

If you hear that in your presence they begin to discuss and call others names, try to turn the conversation to another topic.

Always remember that a long conversation is very exhausting for interlocutor... Don't be too chatty.

Believe me, your listener has something to say, so give him the opportunity to join the conversation.

Be kind and considerate to whoever you are talking to. Be able to end the conversation in time if you see that your the interlocutor is in a hurrybefore he tells you about it himself. Try to change the topic of the conversation if you notice that it is unpleasant for a person, or not interesting.

In order not to put your listener in an awkward position, do not use words in a conversation whose meanings he may not know, as well as those whose meaning is not entirely clear to you.

In order not to be known "Gossip" ("Gossip girl", do not criticize or discuss other people. They say only good things about the absent, or nothing at all.

It's ugly to wave your arms while talking (gesticulate)... Express yourself accurately and clearly and it will be enough to interlocutor I understood you without difficulty.

Conversation rules

Conversation rules will help you right start and carry on a conversation. You will learn how to interest interlocutor and not bother him in the process conversations... Moreover, these regulations will make you even more educated and cultured than before.

Do not brag. Do not humiliate interlocutor, trying to pin him up or rise at his expense.

If you are asked questions, be sure to answer them.

In a company it is impolite to whisper with one person. Others may think that you are saying nasty things about them, or they may assume that you are neglecting them.

Do not interfere with conversation of twowhen they are talking in private. At this point, it is best to leave delicately.

Don't get in the habit of complaining. The image of a constant whiner turns people off.

Try to remember what you talked about last time so that when you meet again, you can show to the interlocutorhow interesting it was to you.

Do not clog your speech with curses, slang and rude words.

Try not to speak too loudly, especially in a public place. Believe me, they listen not to the one who shouts louder, but to the one who knows how to speak interestingly and intelligently.

Now you know conversation rules, which means now you can support any conversation, being sure that your interlocutor will only have a good opinion of you.

Friendship rules

Who do you spend with most of its time? Of course, with friends. Do you know about rules of friendship?

If not, then be sure to check out them:

Always help your comrade: if you know how to do something, teach him this too; if a friend is in trouble, help him as much as you can.

Tell a friend the truth"in the eyes": if he is not in something right - tell him about it, or praise when he has done a good deed. Stop a friend if he does something bad.

Try not to quarrel with friends, do not argue over trifles. Don't be arrogant if you do something better than theirs. Do not envy your comrades - you need to be able to rejoice at their successes. If you did something bad, do not hesitate to admit it and mend.

Learn to accept help, advice and feedback from other guys

Friendship rules

rules Friendships will help you make many friends who will be happy to be friends with you and spend their free time.

There is a proverb - "Don't have 100 rubles, but have 100 friends!"

If you really want to have many friends, listen to a few advice:

Never be rude to your comrades, do not raise your voice to them. Don't call them hurtful words, don't make fun of their failures. Do not give them nicknames, do not humiliate them - this is insulting.

Do not try to hit or push anyone in order to take a place convenient for you.

Don't forget to say hello to all your friends. Even with those of them who are very small. You can and should be friends with kids, and with big guys, and with boys and girls.

If you are offended by your friend for something, try to forgive him as soon as possible and make peace. Do not get mad!

If your friend asked you for something - never be greedy, give him! Always share what you have with your friends.

Be a must! If you borrowed a book or toy from a friend yourself, handle these things carefully and do not forget to return them on time. (when your friend asked or when you promised).

Do not sneak about trifles, but you still need to tell adults about serious tricks.

rules Friendship should be known to every student - after all, they help to find friends not only for the time of study, but also for life.

Rules of etiquette - How to behave with adults

Do you know how to behave with adults? Do you always observe these regulations? If you know well and do these regulations, then you will always be considered a well-mannered, cultured and intelligent child.

First of all, it is customary to refer to adults as “you”. The greetings you use with peers and relatives: “Hello” and “goodbye” in relation to strangers to adults are inappropriate. Use instead of them such as: “Hello” and “goodbye”.

The younger ones should always greet you first, however, as with any acquaintances, without waiting for them to greet you earlier.

By man's rules(boys) when meeting each other they serve right palm for a handshake. If you have gloves on your hands, do not forget to take off the one you will be greeting before greeting.

Kissing and hugging when you meet is very personal. You can only allow yourself such a greeting with close and well-known people, with mutual consent.

You can not interfere in the conversation of adults and comment on what they say to each other. And if you wanted to say something or ask a question, you need to ask permission.

If you meet someone again during the day, do not forget about such magic words greetings, as: “Good morning”, “good afternoon”, “good evening” or “nice to see you / you again”. Even a simple nod and a good-natured smile will be enough in this situation.

That's it, now you know how to behave with adults. Treating adults and the elderly with respect is a sign of good parenting!