Hatred…. The man who has never experienced this terrible, destroying feeling, did not pierce in spiritual convulsions, while goodly smiling to the subject of hatred that did not experience the torment from understanding his own impotence without any hope somehow calm the anger. Not wanting to select bread from psychologists, the women's magazine Justlady, nevertheless, will try to understand the problem and, maybe give several sensible advice to readers on how to get rid of the attack, namely how to stop hateing.
Human and specialty - slow suicide.

(Friedrich Schiller)

Hate is a strong feeling of hostility towards another person, himself, displeasure to life or circumstances. People are able to hate both their own body and the whole world around. The strongest and destructive feeling is the hatred of itself like.

Sometimes hatred arises at one moment as a result of some actions or statements of another person, sometimes anger and irritation will be copied for years, as a result, turning into a burning, an irresistible feeling with which it is almost impossible to cope.

Hate is a destructive feeling. It gives people a mass of energy, which at the same time cannot be directed to anything positive. Hate is eager for the ruins and the scorched land, stranger.
Hate first harms someone who hates. Hatering is exposed to its destructive effect. Many diseases of both physical and mental, are caused by this terrible feeling.

Judge himself, huge negative energy literally cuts you from the inside at the sight of the object of your anger or even mention of it. At the same time, you most often can not show your emotions in all of them, you have to restrain myself. Where does energy go? That's right, it penetrates inside, destroying everything in its path.

Feeling that it is no longer possible to live, people begin to think about how to stop hate. Hate will not pass by itself, it needs to be firmly learned. Over cure from hatred, you need to work for a long time, every day, every hour. If you are a believer man, will help appeal to God and confession.

Often people think that stop hate They will be able only if the hated man will die. But it rarely brings relief. Having learned that the man, the hatred of which they roasted and cherished the expensive years, died, they relax and understand that they even feel sorry for him. Research seems small and insignificant. And then a person has a chance, after hateful in hatred, a second half to spend, tormented by a feeling of guilt.

Meanwhile, having spent a lot of time in tooling revenge plans or simply thinking about the object of hatred, with the loss of this very object, hate simply loses the meaning in life. No matter how scared it sounds, but this really happens.
Therefore, if you are experiencing such feelings, you need to get rid of it with all the might stop hate.

Without pretending to the laurels of a psychologist, still want to give a few tips, rather even to designate the direction in which you need to try to move. At one time, this method helped me.

How to rout hate. Step One: Find the reason

Hate can not arise from scratch, although sometimes on the question, for which we hate a person, we can answer that we are annoyed by his presence on earth, we hate it just for being.

In fact, there is a reason for hatred and it is extremely concrete. Another thing is that it can be completely insignificant, and over time we can even forget about it. And anger will remain. Often it is precisely an understanding of the insignificance of the cause helps a person to rout hate.

Maybe the man who hated by you said something or did that he brought you out of himself and led to a complete rejection. Or maybe you hate the boss, who comes you every day with pickles. Or is it a relative of your husband or friend (refuse to meet with whom you can't), which behaves completely unacceptable for you? Find out the reason, and you will be easier to take the next step.

How to rout hate. Step second: Put yourself in his place

Another person, as if surprisingly it did not sound, may not even suspect of your hatred. He can do something, not knowing how it acts on you. Moreover, others do not suspect about your attitude towards him. It would still be where to suspect the wrong if you are exaggeratedly kind and attentive with your hatred object. It is the hated person who causes us an increased attention and the desire to be pleasant. After all, our goal is to hide your feelings, do not let the emotions break.

As a result, we get what we get. And just need to talk to this person, ask him to change his behavior, think about the statements. How many internal conflicts were solved in a similar way!

But it happens so that by putting yourself in his place, you understand that he makes nasty, in your understanding, only from the desire to annoy you. He knows perfectly about your feelings and hurts you to be able to enjoy the manifestation of your emotions or with pleasure to watch your attempts to suppress them in yourself.

Why does he do it? Yes, just because he likes it. Apparently there are some kind of reasons, most often complexes that prevent him from establishing normal contacts with people, attract attention to their person in some other ways.

Maybe you hate a man who has committed a bad act. Think about why a person did or entered. Did he do something terrible? What would you do in his place? Do you think you could do the same in a similar situation? Maybe you will understand that an unsightly deed is just a manifestation of the weakness of this person.

So I will bring you to the next step.

How to stop hateing. Step Three: Try to forgive

As we saw, nasty actions and words are most often caused by the fact that the man is weak and goes on its own weakness. No matter how cunning it does not look, it is most often weak.

It is this thought that should help you forgive him and calm down. Easy to say: "Forgive!", And how to do it, if you hate the whole soul? If, with one thought about this person, the stomach is compressed, it is impossible, neither to sleep, and, nevertheless, thoughts constantly rotate around the hatred object.

There is one simple exercise that can help you. The main idea - every person has a soul. She is innocent and beautiful as a child. So imagine this person in the form of a small child. Perhaps it is difficult, but no contradiction at this stage you should not feel. After all, the object of your anger was once really a baby, he had a loving mother and dad, he was naive and touching.

Imagine that this child continues to live inside this person. He is frightened and unhappy, he grieves every time the "owner" tells you nasty or provoking. Just post the baby, let him understand by voice, intonations that you know about him, regret it, ready to support.

This does not mean that when an unpleasant person appears, you should get closer to it, knock him in the chest and say something like: "Hey, baby, I know what you are there." No, just talk to a person as we would talk to the child. Do not be fooled by provocations, please feel it with a small pure soul, instead of hating.

Many this exercise may seem stupid and useless. This is until you try. I once used this technique. Hate for a person was so strong that I even became bad to treat his relatives, for what they endure him and even manage to love.

The object of my hatred was inhabited to me, said nasty, did the dirtyness. Moreover, he did not even enjoy his victories, he was still, he just believed that he had the right to do it, well, just because I could not like me.

Only having understood in a situation, having allocated specific reasons, learning that it was supporting my hatred and trying to understand why he behaves like that, I saw what kind of sharms he had (albeit unfaithful, but clear), I understood why he did this Because other ways are not available to him, as he, to do the easiest). I was able to forgive him his own imperfection, stupid complexes, could even regret.

The process was slow, it was quite difficult, but I tried to learn how to perceive a person like a certain object of the experiment, to distract from my hostility at least at the time. Then she could see the baby in him and talking only with him.

As a result, the last few years we have peaceful relations. The man stopped building a goat and talk to the nasty and even treat me with some warmth. I did not love him with all my heart, it's just impossible, but I perceive it normally, without anger and dislike and do not squeeze my teeth when he comes to my house.

I do not argue that this method is a panacea, but in not too launched cases, with your big desire, of course, can work. I really hope that he will help someone stop hateAnd in the world will become one hate smaller.

If you can't cope with you, and your hatred is so great that you can't tame it for a while to at least analyze the situation impartially, it is probably better to contact a specialist.

Jim " Like"And get the best posts in Facebook!

Reading time: 2 min

Hate is a negative, intense duration with a painted feeling, which reflects disgust, rejection, hostility to the hatred object (group, man, phenomenon, inanimate subject). A negative feeling is caused by either the actions of the object or the qualities inherent in it. Hate may be associated with the pleasure of facility failures, as well as with the desire of causing evil to this object.

The reasons for hatred and malice can be so insignificant and small that the visible irrationality of these reasons can easily be inspired by the outside, and this in turn makes it possible to assume the initial need of people in hatred, as well as hostility.

Part of the conflicts associated with a negative feeling is considered as a release, while hateing is directed from one object to another. In other cases, hatred is not manifested in conflicts, but exists as a mental mechanism. Under social hatred, the hated feeling of a group of people, which flows with the hardest conflicts in society (war, riots, genocide), as well as serving one of the reasons for discrimination.

Hate people

This feeling can appear quite naturally in every person. This happens, depending on satisfaction or dissatisfaction with your life, as well as yourself. Hate to people is developing at quite objective reasons, as well as for reasons, purely subjective, reflecting an exclusively personal vision of any person, as well as people in general.

From hatred person is able to get harm and benefit, as well, also from any other feeling. It all depends on the control and management of our feelings and emotions. For a negative feeling, each person can be actually explained, as well as quite natural causes. However, before realizing why we hate, you need to wonder: what do we love? Who do we like? What person can we respect? Like us egoists? And people are smart enough and strong enough, ignoring our interests - do we like us? Do we like people who do not meet our interests and prevent us in life? But in this life no one should do nothing, but many of us are waiting for more from other people than from themselves personally, and in the event that there are no expectations, we begin to hate such people. Don't you think that hatred is evidence of your weakness, stupidity, helplessness.

Hate in a person is expressed in his inner Bunte, which arises due to external unacceptable circumstances. This riot from the inside destroys the individual, for a desire to get a person from a person, but there is no opportunity. What happens next? Does not splashing in the form of hatred corrosive the inner world of a person, deforming his psyche. In fact, hatred is the same offense, only in a more concrete and hard form. Being offended, you do not want a bad thing to man, while hated has negative wishes to your hatred object.

Hate and love

These opposite feelings are antonyms, and are often regarded independently of each other.

Hate and love are considered as components of some unity, these feelings are able to simultaneously be combined in one individual and to double to manifest themselves towards another person. The ambivalence of hatred and love in close relationship is one of the central ideas of psychoanalysis. Freud simultaneously tied the manifestations of hatred and love with close relations in conflict situations.

Separate ethologists noted that there is a relationship between hatred and love through the relationship between mental and physiological mechanisms, which provide people and animals to personal close relationships, as well as the ability to aggression.

Konrad Lorenz pointed out that there is no love without aggression, and there is also no hatred without love. Often a person hates the one who loves and often these feelings cannot be divided. They coexist, and one does not destroy what it creates another.

One of the explanations of the strong communication of hatred and love is the idea that deep contact with another person is significantly influenced by the situation of relations, so if there is a conflict, it will proceed with a greater passion and strength than a quarrel with foreign people. It is noticed that experiencing love for the object, this feeling does not allow to express emerging negative emotions, which leads to the accumulation and strengthening of hostility.

The people's consciousness noticed that from love to hatred is one step, but this folk wisdom is disputed by a psychologist Erich Ferrom, who claims that he is not reincarnated in love, but in lovers, and therefore this is not true love.

Psychologists note that to form a sense of love, like feelings of hatred, you need experience from childhood, relationship with the object of love.

Love hatred arises in acute discontent when the events unfolding are not as much as I wanted. For example, a loved one stopped satisfying the needs of the ego of a loving person (the lack of concern, admiration, affection, attention).

When a sense of own significance (ego) is slightly developed, then a person loves regardless of whether there is a response response towards him. With a strong developed ego, originally resentment on the object of love arises: "How not to love me?", "Yes, and love not as me." The person appears the contrast between reality and expectations. And in the end, the resentmenturns in hatred, as a protective reaction of his ego: "If you don't love me, I will not love you too!" It is difficult to forgive the person who underestimated us and did not answer reciprocity.

People have forgotten that love is a higher spiritual feeling that is understood by the all-sucking, spiritual return, patience, self-sacrifice. Each person loves differently. Someone gives love (without response), and someone is just ready to receive love, but not ready to give. To develop a readiness for love-gift, a spiritual work is needed on himself, and any love failure is an experience that develops and makes a person stronger.

Evil and hatred

What is the difference between hatred from the malice? Initially, anger arises like a marking emotion, which then turns into a negative feeling. An angry is often aggression or to a certain situation, or to a living being. This feeling wears not only a negative effect, because it is not for nothing that it is laid in a person nature. However, when the emotion of the malice comes out of control, it can cause great harm to man.

Do not condemn the anger and call it unworthy and unnatural people. If the malice was not inherent in people, they would be robots. Ey to be angry with every person. The thing is, what exactly this anger will turn out. It is important to comply with the balance. Negative emotions should be alternating with positive, and all this in order to preserve the health of a person. The human brain is designed so that when the feelings of the negative prevail, he slows down his work. The person disappears objective thinking, and he does not occur about the consequences at all. This emotion is also negatively affected by the cardiovascular system.

Envy - Hate

There is an opinion that envy gives rise to hatred, because envy is capable of developing a pronounced form into a negative feeling. Often, the envious of secret is striving to harm someone who envies.

Envy belong to a personal feeling, and hatred is capable of covering human communities (peoples, nations, states).

The spinosa determined the envy as hatred acting on a person in such a way that the individual feels displeasure at the sight of someone else's happiness, or vice versa - is the pleasure of a kind of misfortune.

Some researchers include envy and hatred for single words. Others note that envy is expressed in the ability to notice their resource limits, and hatred is noted in the absence of the ability to see the dignity and resources in other individuals.

Hate for men

Often, hatred for men has children's prerequisites. There is a negative feeling of men from future women due to the offense and oppression by dads, grandfathers or senior brothers. Prerequisites for a negative attitude can be in relation to other members, for example, to mom. As a result, there is a fear of men and fear of building relationships with them.

So, hatred for men arises due to psychological problems: not the adoption of men in their natural manifestation and inappropriate themselves as women. With negative experience, for example, when parents are bred, live in quarrels, in discords, and in the family there are violence, cruelty, rudeness, it will have a direct impact on the unaccepting of the male future woman. It will turn into hatred for men or in hatred for future children. The lack of harmony in the adoption of a woman's essence of men affects the psychological state (causing no understanding, dislike for themselves, failures in their personal life), and also affects the physical well-being of a woman.

Hate former husband

It is very difficult to convey words when there is a lot of non-systematic complaints that give birth to the hate that the internal forces arises to the once very native and relative person.

How to get rid of hatred for an ex-husband? You just should be forgiven and accept it with all the shortcomings. The forgiveness method includes only seven consecutive stages.

Step is the first: you need to make a list, because of what you are experiencing hatred for a former husband and what exactly you accuse him. In parallel, reflect how in these situations you feel. Thus, you still spill the extra negative.

Step Two: You should answer yourself to the question - what expectations you associated with a former husband. Thus, you will be concluded that you are so strained in a situation with a former husband and what caused negative emotion.

Step Three: Try to put yourself in his place. It will give the opportunity to figure out, and also understand his feelings. Maybe he also experienced similar fears from which he had a desire to get rid of. Analyzing the situation, can clear up such a moment when the former husband accused you in the same way.

Step fourth: Forgive yourself, namely, the part that hated the former and therefore behaved wrong, because I did it all from fear.

Step Fifth: Check yourself - did you forgive me? In this case, imagine whether you can tell about the three steps to tell the ex-husband. What do you feel with this thought? Doubt and talk about those not passed to the end of the stages.

Step Six: Talk to your ex-husband, tell us about your experiences and find out if he experienced such feelings to you.

Step seventh: Analyze your life - there were no such situations with your father in relation to you. Perhaps you were also accused of this. With the affirmative answer, apply all the above stages and to it.

The uniqueness of the method is to change the perception at the subconscious level, which will allow forgiveness and release all the negative moments from your life.

How to get rid of hatred

Be able to forgive is the quality of generous and strong people. Psychologists advise to bring up tolerance and tolerance. These qualities are necessary for simple and easy communication with people.

For the development of tolerance in themselves, learn people. Understanding people, you can learn tolerant to treat people of various social status, nationality, religion, level of culture and education. Only studying people, you will find out better. Understanding yourself, you can learn to control yourself better. This will help easier to cope with negative emotions, and then hate nothing will eat.

The emergence of hatred is associated with the predominance of a possible sense of guilt in front of them for an unrealized personality, self-criticism, inability to solve problems. Negative, for months I have accumulated inside and threatening to cry, can provoke an explosion. If you have a feeling of hatred, then, look for the cause initially. A person who has internal harmony will not allow hatred to master their inner world.

What to do with hatred? One way to get rid of hatred is "forgiveness." Since people are not perfect, often make mistakes, taking incorrect solutions, and irritating, make mistakes and cause pain. Forgive them, so you will free yourself from accumulated negative energy. Take people like they are and do not hold anger on them, which poists your life. Try to forget about your hostility. Pay more time to relatives, family, other important things.

Get rid of hatred can help meditating classes, hiking in the gym, cinemas. Ansure yourself with pleasant loved moments, and in the future you perceive the world as it is, not feeding illusions. Only under such conditions you will not have unnecessary irritation and hatred.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "Plyomed"

0 5 671 0

Hate does not appear spontaneously. It begins with anger. And if the anger and anger is a false fellowship, then the bite and hatred is the creation of man. For a better understanding of the difference between these feelings, it is necessary to consider each of them separately.

1. Anger and anger - Feelings arising, as a rule, on the basis of injustice. Such emotions are quite acceptable, as they force the subject to take certain measures related to improving the quality of life. Differ from each other only intensity with which is tested by a subject.
2. Curb and hatred - Long and unsatisfied feeling of anger and disgust. It can manifest itself both in relation to certain living beings and the world as a whole. As in the previous case, differ from each other in the intensity with which is tested by the subject.

How hate affects man

Any emotions, depending on their quality, affect the human body.

The highest qualities have bright feelings, such as: love, kindness and gratitude. Feelings with the lowest qualities - burglarity and hatred. It is low-quality emotions that can cause harm to man, among which:

1. Long depression.
2. Remaining from the usual life in society.
3. Development of diseases in different body bodies.
4. Mental disorders on the soil of dissatisfaction.
5. Tearing connections with relatives and loved ones.
6. Failures at work and in personal life.
7. Loss of desire and opportunities for self-realization.

Curb of peace and people

Such hatred is manifested in people who have been an insurmountable abyss between the desired vision of peace and society, and the world that he is in reality. Also, this negative emotion is manifested in respect of a certain layer of society coming by common characteristics. Usually, hate is experiencing such people:

1. Envious.
2. Unrealized as individuals.
3. Unrealized as specialists in a certain sphere.
4. With a lack of love in childhood and in adulthood.
5. Limited something or something devoid.

Hate to a concrete person

Hate a particular person can be completely explained.

For example, you can consider disgust for the ex-husband. Suppose a woman hates her former because of his addiction to alcohol, non-cultural speech or disrespect for her. Perhaps he beat her or somehow in a different way suppressed her potential. In this case, its negative is understood in relation to this person. But in reality, this woman hates not only the acts of the table. She hates the dream destroyed by him about the perfect marriage and perfect husband.

We will also consider sorrow against the chief. He is rude, bumps work, never thanks, deprives the award and generally all the unjust. And even in this case, the subordinate hates not only the personal qualities of the chief. This negative feeling concerns the same destroyed dream. In this case, the personal vision of perfect work does not coincide with reality. Direct or indirectly, the person blames in this chief, so he becomes a subject of hatred.

And if the anger in this case stimulates a person in search of the best options for life, then hate does everything otherwise.

Hatred fully absorbs. It leads to a downturn on the subject, to which negative feelings are experienced. And this state is fraught with serious consequences.

Hate to me

It is considered the most dangerous. It can be hidden, and may be apparent.

Hidden

It often manifests itself with hatred for a particular person, for example, besides the most former. In this case, the woman hates himself for her weakness, the inability to fight back, indecision, etc. Subconsciously, she blames himself strongly, as well as his ex-husband.

Explicit

It assumes that man is disgusting its appearance, physical data, mental abilities, etc. Most often, disgust to itself appears on the basis of children's complexes. And often the parents themselves are guilty. Even the most commonly remark "You Wear disgusting" can seriously harm the child. These words, repeated many times, make you think of a child that he is disgusting. After all, parents are the main authorities in the life of the child, and they are always right. Therefore, the parent must understand the importance of each obvious word said to his son or daughter.

Determination of the cause

The correct definition of the cause of the bite will help to cope with it faster. For this purpose, the method is perfect for which the presence of a pen and sheet of paper suggests.

1. To begin, it is necessary to write all the qualities and actions of the hatred subject, which cause disgust. This list consists of three or more points.
2. Next, you need to consider in detail each item.

Almost all negative qualities from the list can be found from many other people, even at home. This does not mean that a person is experiencing hate. This means that a woman or man is biased to the subject of their negative feelings. After all, in reality there are only one or two points, which really give rise to disgust. They can be very serious, but may be insignificant. And, depending on their type, it is necessary to select one or another way of getting rid of hatred.

Search for positive

Positive is the best way to get rid of negative feelings. For people, this method involves a minimum of effort, since pleasant emotions can be experienced from anything, for example:

• From communicating with friends and loved ones.
• From walking in nature.
• From visiting a variety of events.
• From mutual feelings of love.
• From the case of a business that a person likes.

Skill forgive

Forgiveness helps to get rid of hatred. Such skill allows you to cope with many vitality. It eliminates internal discomfort caused by other people.

A person who knows how to forgive, is in a much better position than a person who continues to respond to irritants with insults.

Those who leave old resentment in the past are much less susceptible to stress and depression. They are tightly health, and life is saturated with pleasant events.

Nevertheless, not everyone is capable of this generous act. After all, it is easier to rush than forgive. But it is important to always remember that the ability to forgive is an integral part of high-quality life.

Love for me

Love for yourself must be laid since childhood.

Parents are obliged to give to understand the child that every man is beautiful in his own way and deserves for love.

In order to overcome a disgust to himself and hatred, a person needs to love himself. This feeling can heal not only the soul, but also the body. There are many confirmed cases when a person, changing the attitude towards himself, completely changed his life for the better.

1. Hate in response to hate

Usually we do not like people who do not like. The greater, as it seems to us, they hate us, the more we hate them in response.

2. Competition

When we compete for something, our mistakes can benefit competitors. In such cases, to keep a sense of self-esteem, we shift the blame on others. We begin to blame in our failures (real and imaginary) those who are better to go. Gradually, our disappointment can go to hatred.

3. We and they

The ability to distinguish between enemies has always been vital for safety and survival. Our mental processes evolved in order to quickly notice a potential danger and react to it accordingly. Therefore, we are constantly making information about those around the "directory", where all our views are stored about different people and even whole classes of people.

We usually refer everything to one of two categories: the correct or incorrect, good or bad. And since most of us do not particularly stand out, even minor, surface differences, such as racial affiliation or religious beliefs, can become an important source of identification. After all, we, above all, always strive to belong to the group.

As a part of a certain group, which, in our opinion, exceeds others, we are less located to sympathize with the representatives of the remaining groups.

4. From compassion for hatred

We consider ourselves responsive, sensitive and friendly. Then why do we still feel hate?

The fact is that we have a clearly established opinion about yourself and their right. And if we cannot reach a compromise, we blame we, of course, the other side. Our inability to fully assess the situation, as well as the fact that we always justify ourselves lead to the idea that the problem is not in us, but in others. Such a look often incites hatred.

In addition, in such situations, we usually consider yourself a victim. And those who violate our rights or limit our freedom, seem to us offenders who deserve punishment.

5. The impact of prejudice

Prejudice can affect our judgments differently. Here are some examples.

Ignoring the merits of the other side

Unambiguous situations do not happen. Everyone has their advantages and disadvantages. But when we are in the power of hatred, ours is distorted to such an extent that we absolutely do not see any positive qualities in the opponent. So we have an incorrect idea of \u200b\u200ba person, which is then quite difficult to change.

Hate to the Association

According to this principle, Nature News affects our perception of who reports it. The worse the incident, the worse it seems to us and everything connected with it. That is why we are blameing a messenger, even if it has nothing to do with the event that has happened.

Factory distortion

Under the influence of prejudice based on sympathy and antipathy, we usually fill the gaps in information about any event or person, based on specific data, but on your own assumptions.

The desire to like

All of us in varying degrees appreciate the opinion of others. Few wanted to hate him. Public approval significantly affects our behavior. Remember the words of the French writer and the philosopher Larancyfort: "We willingly confess in small disadvantages, wanting to say that we have no more important."

How hatred is manifested

Physical and mental pain - very effective incentive. We do not want to suffer, so we strive to either avoid or destroy the enemy. In other words, hatred is a protective mechanism against pain.

Hate may find different expressions. The most obvious of them is the war.

In addition, it is manifested in politics. Remember such eternal confrontations: left and right, nationalists and communists, libertarians and authoritarists.

How to get rid of hatred

• First, with a long-term close contact with people. Joint activities are particularly effective when you cooperate to achieve a common goal or united against the general enemy.
• Secondly, thanks to equal position in all aspects (education, income, rights), which will act not only on paper.
• And finally, the most obvious - we must be aware of your own feelings and try not to hide from the feelings of others. When you overcome strong emotions, it is better to just move aside, take a deep breath and try to get rid of your prejudices.

In his life, a person often faces aggression, inexplicable attacks, criticism and hatred from both unfamiliar people and close friends and even relatives. If you respond to all this, you can ruin your life, James Altusher, a well-known American trader, an investor, entrepreneur and writer, the author of many books on self-development and personal growth. T & P transferred an article from his blog about how to deal with those who could not tolerate you.

Make unfamiliar people to hate themselves very simple: enough to have their own opinion, to be creative and be yourself. Your hater can be anyone: relative, friend, colleague, teacher, boss or just a stranger on the street or on the Internet. Former friends may unexpectedly become enemies. You need to know what to do in such situations. Most of the haters are invisible, anonymous, they are trying to climb into your head, because they have such a kind of communication method.

Example: Someone recently left a review on my audiobook.

"It's just awful ... The author should never read his own books out loud. He has a lazy, miferous speech manner, so it is very difficult to believe what he says. In his voice as if there was no interest, as if he was in a burden to transfer these valuable knowledge of knowledge to us, poor unfortunate listeners. "

I do not hunt for compliments. Some like my audiobook, some no. Somehow at school, in the 7th grade, we read aloud the book aloud, and when the queue reached me, one girl said: "Oh no! Only not his voice ... "Maybe she left a review? What would we do in life, alone will hate us, others laugh or gossip, the third attack from the back, someone will select money or try to destroy our reputation, someone to threaten, tease or intimidate.

Therefore, listen: There are rules that help to defeat haters, anonymous, virtual and real, among colleagues, relatives and those you love.

It's complicated. I do not always work, but I gradually improve. And when I manage it to follow these rules, the results in life are improving. I hope you will succeed too.

The problem is in the hater

This is a bit beaten, but it is. For any anger cost fear.

He who hates at the same time is afraid of something. This does not mean that you have to say: "Poor, he is just afraid." But it is worth noting this fact.

For example, in the above example, a woman who wrote feedback, spoke "poor unfortunate listeners." Perhaps she is afraid to be a poor and unhappy, so these words are heard from everywhere. This is her life problem.

Often people say: "Do not worry, they just envy." Maybe. Or maybe not. We can not read their thoughts. Not my business, why someone about me of one or another.

But in the life of these people there is something that causes fear. And this fear is expressed in aggression towards you. They project their own fear of you. For a short time you turn into a monster, which was sitting in them inside. Evil is simply released outside fear.

The problem is also in you

I don't even think about many of your haters. But some manages to click on the desired buttons. Some randomly climb into my soul. Or not by chance. As, for example, a relative who knows exactly which buttons to press. If someone finds the right button, I'm angry and starting to defend yourself. But this is not because people told something terrible about me. And because under thick armor anger hides my fear that they can be right. I can not even confess to myself. In the end, they were the first to raise the "knife", so I can blame them in everything. But in reality it turns out that I myself continue to reduce this "knife."

Take again the same example. I pulled it out of hundreds of other examples, not because it is something particularly unpleasant. I just realized that then I could tell the story of how a girl in the 7th grade ridiculed my voice. Maybe in fact I just really worry that I have some strange voice. It is important to note it for yourself.

When you constantly mark something for yourself, you, at least, allocate these things from an endless thread stream. You remember them and store in my head separately. Therefore, in the future they will be easier to find out and cope with them. Or maybe it will even help you learn more about yourself.

Rule 24 hours

If someone attacks you, you can experience negative emotions. If attacks occur publicly, other people may also have unpleasant emotions. They might think: "Jane said so about James, so he is probably an idiot." Attacks can also be part of office policies or personal relationships.

Rule 24 hours works almost in any case. If you do not react to the first attack, it will disappear after 24 hours. But if you answered at least once, drop the timer. It will take another 24 hours so that the aggression calms down in the web of human communication. Therefore, some conflicts last for years. Participants are registered for attacks each other, and all this continues until any of the opponents are lining. And according to the ONION magazine, the mortality rate in the world has 100% consistently.

Rule 30/30/30

I had several posts in which I used the same illustration found on the Internet: a woman is engaged in yoga on the beach. I was criticized for the fact that I always use photos with sexy women. I was also criticized for the fact that I used these photos without reference to the author.

Then I wrote myself a woman with photos. I told her that I received such remarks. She told me her beautiful story that entered my last book. But she also said that: for everything you create, a third will love you, a third hate, and a third will remain indifferent. This means that you need to do what you love, and apply effort to this makis. You must be improved every day. And when you get critical feedback, just fold them to the basket with one third negativity.

Delete

I always enjoy when they do not agree with me. I have nothing against.

But often people are not able to express their disagreement, and it is manifested in an unpleasant and evil form.

If I can, I remove these people. You can write "Delete" in quotes. Sometimes it is not a critic from the blog, but someone from real life. I also remove such people. I do not talk with those who bring me harm.

And if this is the boss or someone, with whom you have to talk? Then I am indifferent to them. I let them do what they want. I nod in greetings in the corridors. I am not a low-cloth and do not enter, trying to make them love me. If over time these people will behave well, I will begin to communicate with them again.

And if someone shouts on you by phone? Just say: "I need to go." I came across this rod, especially when it was younger, and wanted to shout in response. "Why do you do that with me?!" Such situations were very painful. But they taught me to behave differently in the future.

Hate inference

Someone once wrote on Twitter: "James Altucher \u003d Nonignote" ("James Altucher \u003d #humanGarbage"). I do not know why such tweets appeared. I do not know who this person is. But at some point I got angry. I did not follow the previous advice.

I found this person on the Internet. He works at AOL. I tried to come up with how to dismiss him. He made 1 tweet and launched 1000 thoughts in my head.

The worst thing you can create with your body is to put a knife into it. Anger is an emotional blow to a knife on an emotional body. In some religions it is said that the enemies should be sympathy. I dont know. It is really hard.

The best thing I can do is admit that I don't know this person, and that any additional thought is another way to hurt yourself with a knife. If I do it, the infection spreads inside me, absorbs me. I do not like to hurt myself with a knife.

You will never know

I could contact this guy and say: "I just have to know why you consider me to be nothing."

But imagine what you would say in this case on mortal app. Night in the history of mankind no one would say at death: "I am really glad that I found out why an unfamiliar person considers me to be insignificance." Absolutely no need to know. And even if you eventually find out ... It turns out that it was not worth it.

Resistance is futile

Suppose someone has the reason to hate you, but it is easy to refute. For example, someone hates you for the fact that you are from Rhode Island, but in fact you are from Canada. You can say: "But I'm from Canada." And in response, get: "the worse."

No one ever changes his opinion. Change the opinion is difficult. It is very difficult to quit smoking, it is almost impossible for many. Hate is even more dependent, imagine only how much in this case it is difficult to change your opinion. Facts mean nothing. Self-defense only worsens the position (see Rule 24 hours).

Even the history of friendship means nothing. You can say: We were friends for 20 years. Do you really let it stand between us? " The answer will be "yes." Because people can do nothing with them. Because some fear sits in them. Because some fear sits in you. And they will never come together.

They look stupid when they make love

That's all you need to know about your haters. If you remember this rule every time you encounter angrily and aggression, you can forget about all other rules.

Time heals

Hate can not last forever. Often it turns into slow boil. The sun, which in the afternoon was so bright, on the sunset turns into a purple haze and becomes dark orange. This does not mean that you and your haters are now friends. It simply means that the open wound will finally delay, will leave a small scar and a memory, but not more. It does not matter whether a traitor hates you, a former spouse, a former lover or a blog commentator. It is important to learn how to reduce time.

Some are experiencing hatred, malice, bitterness and regret for years. Sometimes the whole life is missing to heal the wounds. This is a waste of life. Of course, it also has the right to exist. No one forces you to live life filled with meaning, you can safely spend her invested. And since you will hate more and more people every time you turn your head out of the sand (and I hope you do it), you will have many opportunities to ruin your life. Enjoy them.

Sometimes (but not always), the hatred of people means that you come out of the comfort zone. You are creating and growing. But I hope that your wounds will heal faster and faster. In fact, I wrote this post for myself. I hope that my wounds, too, every day will heal faster.

In response to hate, I try to use these techniques and learn more about myself. If nothing new find out, I try not to cause yourself pain. If it succeeds, I'm trying to be grateful and moving towards the next stage where love, creativity and satisfaction.