The phrase never. Eleven phrases that smart people never say. "As you know, many people"
Quotes from great people that constantly pop up in the feed of any social network could illuminate the whole of Kiev on a long winter night - so much light comes from them. Postcards with beautifully printed thoughtful phrases of anyone - from Socrates to Will Smith - for some reason have not gone out of fashion for several years in a row. But many of these aphorisms do not really come from philosophers, writers, or politicians.
Everything is much simpler: either someone who wants to launch his thought to the masses attributes it to his idol, or simply over time, the author's quotes are confused, cut off and taken out of context. We did not take into account the frankly absurd or comic phrases like “Parting is always sad” (but there are also those who really believe that Socrates could have uttered this), but settled on popular quotes that can really be taken at face value.
"End justifies the means"
This quote is usually attributed to the Italian thinker and statesman Niccolo Machiavelli, who allegedly set out this idea in the treatise The Sovereign (1532), but in fact the phrase is taken out of context with a much more detailed description and simplified to three words.
“The actions of all people, and especially sovereigns who are unwise to challenge, are judged by the result. Therefore, give the sovereign the opportunity to conquer and retain power in the state, and the means will always be considered worthy, and everyone will approve of them, because the common people are always seduced by what things seem to be and what comes of it, "- something like this in translation sounds an excerpt from 18 th chapter of the "Sovereign", which served as the basis for the aphorism.
Firstly, from the quote it is clear that Machiavelli emphasized the people's perception of state power, and did not claim that the end really justifies the means, and secondly, he could even be ironic in this passage. Jean-Jacques Rousseau took this point of view: he considered The Sovereign a satirical treatise.
Later, a century later, the German theologian and Jesuit Hermann Busenbaum and the English philosopher Thomas Hobbes expressed a similar idea about the means permissible for the sake of a goal, but their formulations were far from today's simplified version.
"Who in his youth was not a radical - he has no heart, who in maturity did not become a conservative - he has no mind"
There are two variants of the quotation: in the second, instead of a radical, a liberal is indicated. Churchill did not utter any of these options. Firstly, he himself was a conservative at 15, and a liberal at 35. Second, his wife had liberal views all her life. A phrase close to the quote belongs to the conservative Benjamin Disraeli, an English politician and statesman who lived before Churchill, and it sounds like this: “If you are not a liberal at 25, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative at 35, you don't have a brain. ”
"No one will take the first step, because everyone thinks that it is not reciprocal."
This "aphorism" is one of the leaders in terms of appearances as reposts from publics of clever thoughts on the walls of romantically-minded youth on VKontakte. Without hesitation, it is attributed to Dostoevsky. Fyodor Mikhailovich, like Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, in this sense, for some reason, is very much loved on the Web. All such quotes about love, difficult relationships and suffering are attributed to their authorship (which is worth only "Falling in love does not mean to love. You can fall in love even by hating"). In fact, Dostoevsky never wrote anything like this either in his works or in his "Diary of a Writer", where his reasoning concerned mainly socio-political and military topics.
"If there is no God, everything is allowed"
In addition, Dostoevsky is credited with one more, already more weighty phrase - "If there is no God, everything is allowed." However, he did not write this literally anywhere. This sentence was born from several phrases of the brothers Karamazov from the novel of the same name: “There is no immortality of the soul, so there is no virtue, so everything is allowed” and “But how, I ask, is there a man after that? Without God and without a future life? After all, now everything is allowed, everything can be done? " Later, Jean-Paul Sartre referred to a simplified version of the phrase in his lecture "Existentialism is Humanism" (1946), calling this idea the starting point of existentialism.
"The only thing that is needed for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing."
The phrase is attributed to the English politician and publicist of the 18th century Edmund Burke, but he never wrote like that anywhere. There is only a vaguely similar statement in his Thoughts on the Cause of Present Discontents essay: “When bad people unite, good people must unite too, otherwise they will fall one by one. The victim will not be spared in the despicable struggle. "
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"
The authorship of the people is left behind the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who saw a hidden meaning in everything. Nevertheless, there is not even a semblance of such a thought in any of his works. We meet something similar in Rudyard Kipling's poem The Betrothed (1885): “And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke” (“And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is smoke". - Translation, approx. auth.).
"There are only two endless things in life - death and taxes"
This common phrase is attributed either to Mark Twain or Benjamin Franklin. Neither one nor the other its real authors are not and have never said anything like that. A similar quote is found in Dancing Devils (1724) by the English satirist Edward Ward: "Death and taxes - they will definitely happen."
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."
This saying does not belong to Confucius. Sometimes this catch phrase is simply called a Chinese proverb, but this is also wrong. The author of the quote is the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu. In the translation of the "Tao Te Ching" treatise, the phrase reads as follows: "A journey of a thousand li (400 miles. - Approx. auth.) begins under your feet. "
"Madness is the exact repetition of the same action over and over again, in the hope of change."
The popular phrase is most often attributed to Einstein, less often to Benjamin Franklin and Mark Twain. None of them even suspected her existence. The real author is the English writer Rita Mae Brown. In her work "Sudden Death" (1983) there is a phrase that matches exactly the letter: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results."
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She was so smart until she fell in love ... And when she fell in love, she became deaf, blind and stupid. Deaf because he does not want to hear the indifference of his man, blind because he does not want to notice the betrayal in his own bed, stupid because he is afraid to admit that love has passed. And it passed if a man allows himself to express indifference, tactless remarks, insults or contempt. Phrases and words are the harbingers of his actions. Not noticing them means allowing him not to respect himself. And how can a man love a woman he does not respect?
10 phrases that a man in love will never say
- I am not obliged to report to you!
Yes! Nobody, nobody and nothing is obliged. But a man who loves wants to keep a woman informed of his plans and events so that she does not worry, does not guess his mood and is involved in his life just as he did in hers. Of course, a woman should not demand a detailed account of each step of a man, but to know what is happening to him is a common human need that arises when a close relationship is established between people.
- It's your problem!
A loving couple does not divide problems into "yours" and "mine". In a union, all obstacles, difficulties, troubles and sorrows are common, even if they concern only one of the partners. People enter relationships in order to feel supported in difficult life situations, and are entitled to support, participation, or simple understanding. If a man allows himself to declare that a woman's problems are exclusively her concern, then there is no smell of love here.
- What are you, PMS ?!
A phrase from which it immediately occurs in women without PMS. It is used by men who do not want to understand the true reasons for the bad mood, tears and worries of women. Why, if you can explain any undesirable behavior of a PMS woman. An indifferent man always puts this "diagnosis" when a woman needs him to listen to her, delve into the essence of the problem and understand. But he wants to relieve himself of responsibility, to shift the blame on the feminine nature, that is, on the woman herself. It's easier and more convenient when there is no love.
- Do what you want!
The frequent repetition of this phrase suggests that a man is indifferent to everything that a woman will do with her life. He does not want to be an active participant in a relationship, empathize, give advice, support, help and be indifferent. A man does not want to be interested in the affairs of a woman he does not love.
- If something does not suit you, look for another!
This is blatant disdain. A man does not want to be responsible, change and develop. He is sure that a woman should put up with his shortcomings, and if she doesn't like something, let her roll in all four directions. A man who has fallen out of love will not hold back. The lover, on the contrary, will begin to look for a compromise, will strive to respect the opinion and desires of the woman, choose words and control his tone.
- My ex (or mom) did it better!
A rude and tactless comparison in favor of another woman betrays a cruel manipulator in a man. From the lips of a sincerely loving man, such a phrase will never fly out. Even if there is something that a woman, in his opinion, is not doing well enough, and an ex-girlfriend or mother coped with it better, you can always find soft words, and you don't have to drag ex-women into it. There is a difference: "My mom's pilaf is tastier!" and “Darling, add oriental spices to pilaf. So much tastier! ”?
- Calm down! You annoy me!
No one has ever been reassured by the word “Calm down!”, Let alone a person who needs peace and words of comfort. If this is followed by accusations, claims, discontent, it is unlikely that the man is ready for mutual understanding. It makes no sense for him to waste energy on an unloved woman if she can be “knocked out” by just the phrase “Calm down!”. And if you have not calmed down - “Fool! You annoy me!". And she really is a fool if she believes that this boor is capable of loving her!
- I love you, but ...
Love is an unconditional feeling, and if there are conditions in the form of "but" (but only if you lose weight, pump up your breasts, love my mother, sacrifice yourself to me, etc.), then this is not love at all, but pure manipulation. A truly loving man will not make conditions. If something does not suit him in a woman, he has the right to look for another, but at the same time he must remain honest. An unloving but sincere man has more love than a “loving” manipulator.
- Do not call me!
This phrase is valid only if it sounds like this: “Please don’t call me. I'll be very busy. When I’m free, I’ll call you right away. ” In another context, implying a categorical prohibition, without explanation, but with a claim, such a request would mean that a man does not want to contact, and any manifestation of initiative on the part of a woman will be regarded by him as an imposition or invasion of personal territory. Ignoring this request will entail other prohibitions and offensive actions of a man, saying how much he does not love a woman.
- Boring with you!
In other words, "I'm not interested in you!" As a rule, by saying this phrase, a man makes it clear to a woman that a relationship between them is impossible, or in this way he stimulates a woman to seek it, entertain, surprise. A loving man will come up with an exciting pastime for two, will be equally entertaining and entertaining, and will never allow himself to reproach a woman for not being interesting enough for him.
Some phrases in conversation make you look unfavorable, show stupidity, naivety and immaturity. What phrases do smart people never say? Don't make these mistakes.
Words sometimes let us down, although we speak hackneyed expressions. According to the conversation, others evaluate the interlocutor and his level of human intelligence. Watch your tongue.
What phrases do smart people never say?
1. "They've always done this." The modern world is developing very quickly and what was normal recently becomes obsolete in a month. This phrase demonstrates the person as lazy and incapable of change.
2. "It's not fair." Everyone knows that life is not fair. But whoever says this looks naive, stupid and immature. Try to be more constructive and factual.
3. "You always ..." Generalization does not allow to establish communication, but looks like criticism. A healthy conversation will not work out of this.
4. "I'll try." These words indicate that you doubt your abilities and capabilities. These are the words of extremely insecure and weak people.
5. "This might be a stupid idea / question." Such phrases undermine your authority, and people are critical of the interlocutor in advance.
6. "I can't." When people hear this, they think that it is tantamount to "I will not" and "I do not want to." So you don't try and do your best, although you could.
7. "No problem." Saying this to a person, we mean that it was a problem, but we neutralize our help and reduce the importance. Better to say please.
8. "He's lazy / stupid / weird." Dismissive words about your friend or colleague do not show you your best side. Saying this, the interlocutor thinks that you can say the same about him. You will be treated worse.
9. "I hate work / business / occupation." Such a phrase makes a person a whiner, skeptic and pessimist. And they don't like such people.
Meanwhile, smart people have long figured out how to replace some of the taboo statements.
1 You were too good for him!
At first glance, this is one of those phrases with which a friend who has experienced a breakup with a partner is usually consoled. However, in fact, this is partly an insult to her taste and evidence of her inability to understand people: "Well, you chose a guy for yourself, and how much time you spent on him!"
Which is better to say:
He has lost a lot.
2 You look great for your age!
Why you shouldn't say that:
Quite neutral, at first glance, the phrase turns into condescending consolation: "Compared to other old people, you look even more or less."
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Which is better to say:
Wow, you look amazing!
3 I try, but I can't!
Why you shouldn't say that:
A phrase that is forgivable for a 10-year-old girl. For a grown girl, begging for emotional approval for not reaching her goal is not entirely solid. It is better either to admit the goal is unattainable, or to completely change tactics.
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Which is better to say:
I try as hard as possible.
4 I achieved everything myself!
Why you shouldn't say that:
From birth, we are surrounded by people who, in one way or another, influence our formation and development. We, in turn, draw conclusions and extract something from what is happening. But it is ugly to discount the help of these people.
Which is better to say:
Thanks to my parents and the support of loved ones, I was able to achieve this.
5 This is unfair!
Why you shouldn't say that:
Life is not fair. You need to come to terms with this. Complaining about the slightest manifestations of injustice, you become inexperienced and naive in the eyes of others. Eliminate this phrase and replace it with a more constructive one.
Which is better to say:
For example, if the boss's decision is unfair, in your opinion, you can correctly ask him: “What led to such a decision? Can I find out why you did not entrust this to me? "
6 Maybe I'll say something stupid now, but ...
Why you shouldn't say that:
Remember: this phrase sets up others in advance that your opinion will not be entirely competent. Such words are the most unfortunate choice for an introduction.
Which is better to say:
In this matter, I'm not completely sure, it will be interesting to know your opinion.
7 I told you!
Why you shouldn't say that:
A phrase that is always used only to point out to people their mistakes, which none of us likes. In such a situation, it is better to cheer the person up.
Which is better to say:
You won't make that mistake next time.
8 Oh, I had that too!
Why you shouldn't say that:
This phrase can be uttered exclusively to the address of a friend who just took a pair of shoes to the store that did not fit her at all. However, you shouldn't say that if she shares a personal problem with you. After all, she wants to speak out, and not listen to how it was with you.
Which is better to say:
Many people face this, but you will definitely cope.
9 Well, why are you inventing a problem out of the blue!
Why you shouldn't say that:
You cannot say that, if only for the reason that you are not a measure of other people's problems.
Which is better to say:
Very soon, this problem will not be as important to you as it is now. Everything will be alright.
10 You don't love me!
Why you shouldn't say that:
A catchphrase that can play a bad joke on you. Hearing your tearful "You don't love me!" once, a man, of course, will rush to passionately assure you of the opposite, the second time he will coolly ignore it, but the third time he will think hard: perhaps you are right ...
Which is better to say:
I miss you.
Culture
" Wise people speak because they have something to say. Fools because they have to say something ." Plato
The words we speak can be interpreted in different ways: positive, negative or neutral.
Smart, emotionally mature people usually speak in a discreet manner, choosing words to minimize negative or obscure responses.
Of course, we all said something that we later regretted. Perhaps our words hurt others on purpose or by accident, and we wanted to get them back.
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to be aware of, manage and express emotions and regulate relationships. It has to do with the ability to deal with the emotions and experiences of others.
This type of intelligence plays a decisive role in what to say and what to keep quiet about.
Here 10 phrases that emotionally smart people try to avoid.
Phrases that cannot be spoken
1. "It's not fair."
Yes, life is not fair and this is what adults understand. It is possible that what happened is unfair, it is probably even a gross injustice. However, it must be remembered that the people around us often do not know about what happened, and even if they are privy to the details, this phrase does not solve the problem in any way.
No matter how hard it is focus your attention and efforts on solving the problem.
You will feel better, maintain your dignity, and possibly solve the problem.
2. "You look tired."
The point is this: you have absolutely no idea what is going on in a person's life.
When you say, "You look tired," no matter how well intentioned you say it, it makes it clear to the person that his problems are visible to everyone.
Instead, rephrase your proposal or question in a more empathetic way. For example, “Are you okay?” To show the person that you are worried about what is happening to them.
3. "For your age ..."
For example, "You look great for your age" or "You have accomplished a lot for a woman."
Chances are good that the person you are talking to is well aware of the age and gender bias and may be offended by this.
No need to make reservations, just compliment.
4. "As I said earlier ..."
Who among us has not forgotten something from time to time? This phrase implies that you are offended that you have to repeat yourself, and that you are somehow better than your interlocutor.
In all fairness, repeating the same person over and over can be annoying. Refrain from expressing your irritation and try to clarify what you wanted to say.
Just remind the person from time to time.
The meaning of phrases
5. "You never" or "You always"
Typically, these words are pronounced sarcastic or overly dramatic. Very often they are used to offend someone out of anger or out of contempt.
Explain what the person did exactly and provide details... For example, "I noticed that you keep doing ... is there anything I can help / is there anything I need to know?"
6. "Good luck"
Many would argue that this phrase is not worth saying, and rightly so.
But there is a logical explanation for this: luck takes the result from the hands of a person and subordinates it to external influences or chance.
Has anyone ever used their abilities to win the lottery? No, it's luck.
Phrase " I know that you have all the necessary qualities"can build a person's confidence better than the concept of luck.
7. "It doesn't matter to me"
When someone asks for your opinion, they do it, expecting a constructive reaction, any reaction. When you say “It doesn't matter to me,” it means that either the situation is not important to you, or the time it takes to respond is not a priority.
Instead of this, find out better about the person's situation... If you don't have enough time, suggest another time when you can listen to it.
8. "With all due respect ..."
Stop and think about whether the words you are going to say are really influenced by the degree of respect for him?
If you can honestly answer yes, go ahead. Just remember that the way you speak, your gestures and facial expressions, as well as intonation will immediately make it obvious whether it is said with respect or not.
On the other hand, if this phrase is being spoken on autopilot, in order to cut into a conversation that has nothing to do with respect, it is best to hold back.
9. "I told you"
This phrase is full of arrogance and a sense of superiority. When you read this phrase, you are probably imagining children playing in the playground, and therefore it sounds childish and immature.
You warned the person about the consequences of certain actions, and perhaps he learned his lesson.
Find another way to communicate with someone who made the wrong decision without expressing contempt... Perhaps the person needs help that we cannot give.
10. "I give up."
While this phrase sounds rather innocent, it is a statement that we are not able to overcome something that is right in front of our noses. Maybe it's a terrible boss, a difficult project, or an arrogant employee.
But remember that you are much stronger, smarter, more capable than you think... There is nothing that you cannot overcome. " I can"are the only words you need.
