The crisis of 25 years in women. summer: what are they worried about

How to understand, either you have reached the crisis of the 25th anniversary, or you are simply in a bad mood. If not long ago the depressive mood of 25-year-olds was called a whim, now everyone has come to terms with the existence of another age crisis. During this period, young people, instead of feeling optimistic that all doors are open for them, fall into despondency and suffer from despair. The crisis of self-determination, indecision and fear of what choice to make - that's what the crisis of 25 years is.

6 signs that you are 25 years old

Growing up is difficult

It is impossible to believe that when we were teenagers, we dreamed of growing up. Jesus ... what were we thinking about?

At the time, success had a formula. Go to university, be attentive, take notes, complete assignments, make a couple of friends and you're covered in chocolate. Like this. We knew what success was and knew how to get close to it. Switch on and work.

And then we graduated from the university.

What for? Why did we do this?

And the formula disappeared ... The teacher no longer stands behind our back and does not check, or we are doing everything right with bills and debts. And parents do not remind that "nothing good after midnight, do not expect," although deep down we ourselves know this. And our friends are not waiting for us in the corridor to chat on the way - they are in another city, they are also trying to build their new life. We are adults. And we ourselves must invent the formula for success. Succeed on your own. Well, or pretend until it actually happens.

And we learn on the go how to cook, pay bills, get up early every morning, be responsible, executive, how to stay afloat, save money, and maintain healthy relationships with people. We feel inadequate, abandoned, and confused. It's called the 25-year-old crisis - and it's very real.

So how do you know if this is the same splinter? Of course, you can always take the test. Well, or read our description.

Do you hate sunday

Brr, sunday horror story. It's an itchy, nervous, tense feeling of coming Monday. Monday is bad. In general, he is always bad. Monday means that you have to go to the hated work. Or stay at home, pondering your plans while your friends go to work. It's such a harsh reminder that real life is calling you, and you are desperate to ignore it. In short, so as not to bring Monday, you do not love him in the least.

In general, hatred of Sunday is caused not only by the fact that you have to wake up early the next day. Of course, this is disgusting, don't get me wrong, but that is not the real reason. If we hate Sunday, it’s because we keep thinking about how the next 5 working days will turn out. The weekend is great! We are distracted from the "delights" of adulthood: nerves, fear, excitement, etc. But Sunday reminds us that our responsibilities await us. The crisis of 25-year-olds is a total feeling of dissatisfaction with their lives and a complete lack of understanding of how to change it. And "Judgment" Monday is the explanation.

If you have another reason to hate Sunday, then you need to get to the bottom of the truth. If you hate your job, look for new opportunities. If you are tired of routine, take on new projects. Take time to concentrate on finding the real reasons for your dislike for Sunday, and you'll be one step closer to curing the Sunday horror story.

Realizing that the future will not be easy

Where do you see yourself next week? And in a month and a half? And six months later? In two years? Can you be more precise? Delve into the description of what you see for yourself in the future: in work, in relationships, in life's ups and downs, in your plans.

Sometimes, it's incredibly difficult. Moreover, when you do not know where to go and what to choose.

People are made to move forward. We need to know that we are moving somewhere. And it doesn't matter whether you like to plan or not, it is easier for all of us to live when we at least roughly guess what awaits us in the future. This is why we save money, wear sunscreen, eat (or try) right. We love to think ahead and guess what will make us happier in the end. So if we feel stuck, it can spoil our mood pretty much. And it will have a good effect on the crisis of 25-year-olds.

Tip: Take the time to seriously think about what you would like to do in the future. There are no bad ideas - only opportunities. Write a list. Now try to highlight some scheme. Can you group several items into one category? Fine! Now look where the list is the longest.

So ... what's the point? The more your dreams merge together, the more likely an action plan is drawn. The largest category is your answer to the question of what to do.

You feel like time is playing against you

Everyone in life has that terrible moment when it seems to them that they have reached the age at which everything should have been decided long ago.

Really scary.

Suddenly, timing becomes an issue. Before that, it seemed to just drag on. We wanted to race at speed, decide something, walk, drink. And we still had enough time to experiment.

And then ... Bam! .. you're 25. Then 28. Then 32. Then 35.

The number hits you suddenly and passes quickly. And just as suddenly, the fear of aging falls on you with renewed vigor. It seems to you that time is running out. And then panic creeps in.

Breathe. You may be lagging behind on your schedule, but you have a couple of summers to figure it out. You are young and strong. Don't let the 25-year-old crisis take your lunch.

Just remember that all these years have not been in vain - they have become the basis for building your future. So the more lessons you learn, the more calmly you look ahead.

In your judgments appears "It would be necessary ..."

Here's a trick: when we're on the cusp of growing up, we start to get scared. When we are afraid, “we should” appear.
I should have gotten a boyfriend already.
I should have had more money already.
I should have already achieved a higher status.
I should be happier.

It's even cruel, really. The plan that we created at 16 still lives in our head, and it does not let go even by 26. Where is our fairy tale ?! And where is the money, love, recognition, which we ourselves promised to ourselves by this moment?

To be honest, our 10-year-old expectations are not even close to being realistic. And what is even more likely, we never had any specific goals to fulfill these expectations. BUT, we are doing a lot of self-flagellation because of this. And this is a nightmare.

This constant fight with oneself will only continue and gain momentum. Living with sky-high dreams and expectations is difficult, so don't heat the fire from within. It's time to abandon "should have already" and start accepting things in their real form.

A minute of exercise!

Right now, let's get down to pencils and list everything that we are proud of in life. Everything. Small, big, stupid, amazing, whatever. Now let's see.

Wow! So you have achieved much more than you thought. Seriously. Now it seems to you that you have not achieved anything at all, but there is something in this list. So your nose up, guys, everything will be fine!

A person in his life experiences many periods, which differ from each other in the tasks that he must perform. In early childhood, he learns the world, in adolescence he learns to perceive himself as a person, communicate with the opposite sex, in adolescence he acquires professional knowledge and skills, enters into family relationships, in old age, rethinks the path traveled.

And such periods most often end with turning points, which in psychology are usually called "crises." One of these has recently begun to be singled out as a crisis of 25 years or “a quarter of a life” (meaning the conditional duration of a person’s life as 100 years).

What is unusual - such a phenomenon was revealed not thanks to the research of psychologists, but because of the spread of common signs of a crisis among young people - depression, lack of desire to do something, a feeling of hopelessness. The age of the crisis, of course, is conditional - it may arise earlier, it may later, or it may pass unnoticed by a person. But if such a period has overtaken, then it is worthwhile to understand its reasons and ways to overcome it.

Researcher O. Robinson of the University of Greenwich defines a crisis as the experience of several phases:

1. Feeling of hopelessness, being driven into a remote corner, joylessness of existence, lack of fulfillment in work or relationships (or in both areas).
2. The gradual realization that everything can be changed. A person begins to look for opportunities to use his skills, tries to find his own way.
3. A period of qualitative changes. A person begins to isolate what is necessary in life and get rid of "ballasts" - that which pulls back or upsets.
4. Creation of new habits, consolidation of a new way of acting.

There are several reasons for the crisis of 25 years:
1.Success = wealth... Mass information cultivates such a stereotype in the minds of a young person - the higher a person's material wealth, the more successful he is in life, the higher his significance and value. Such an equation can lead to complexes in those people who could not achieve great material success by the age of 30-35.

2. Parental pressure and infantilism of young people... These are interrelated processes. On the one hand, parents know how best and try to guide their child on the path they are used to, on the other hand, they continue to financially support the young man. The latter, in turn, simply no longer needs to look for work and develop in this area.

3. Comparison of achievements... Here again, the information space plays an important role. Young men and women can see on the Internet how the other lives - what material wealth he has, how successful he is in a relationship, what kind of rest he can afford, how he eats, and so on. Subconsciously or consciously, the process of comparing oneself with this person begins, cultivating an inferiority complex, self-doubt if their achievements are inferior.

4. Mismatching reality with expectations... Many young people make plans for themselves about their future life - girls usually dream of starting a family up to 25 years old, the birth of their first child up to 30 years old, guys - about success in their careers, that the chosen profession will bring both pleasure and a lot of money. Is it worth talking about the state of a person when reality turns out to be different? When the work actually turns out to be a boring unpromising routine, and all classmates get married, except for this very girl.

As you can see, a young person who graduated from a university often finds himself at a crossroads - what to do next? And the question "who to be" with a diploma in hand does not seem so strange. After all, the period of existence of the USSR, when further life was understandable - distribution to a place of work after training, has long passed.

Today's realities often force a person to think again about which path to choose. This is where the crisis begins. Someone can suddenly change jobs or end a long-term relationship, someone, tormented in their souls and tormenting themselves with thoughts of their own worthlessness, someone rushes into everything and at once in order to quickly "find themselves."

Whatever the experience of this difficult period, it is worth reminding yourself that the exit from it is always positive and brings something new into life.

A to experience it less painfully, you can adhere to the following recommendations:

1. Forget that a person "should" at this age- what to have, what to be, what to strive for. Each person is unique, and, thanks to this, his fate is also unique.
2. Pause and try to understand how you want to live... Perhaps it is worth changing the field of activity, taking care of your appearance, remembering what was pleasing in the past, and doing it. The main thing is to exhale and try to really look around.
3. Talk about yourself e. Closing in oneself is the worst option in the current situation. This problem is not unique, it can be discussed with peers. There are people who have already experienced this, about which you can talk with those who are over 30, and get advice or support.
4. Do not go to extremes... It is worth minimizing communication with unpleasant people in order to avoid quarrels, try not to spend money on rash purchases and so on.
5. Everything gradually... It is worth taking a real look at life and stop demanding everything from yourself at once. Here it is important to delve into the solution of any one problem, or plan your actions in order to move towards the goal in gradual but confident steps.

Perhaps the most important thing for this stage is to constantly remind yourself that the crisis cannot last forever. It ends and brings with it changes - those that were needed initially. Patience and optimism can help you get through this period of uncertainty.

Twenty-five years is almost thirty. Less and less time is left before someone calls you "woman." All creams "from the first signs of aging" determine the age limit precisely the figure of 25 years. Everything becomes even more complicated if you come to this age limit without a ring on your finger or at least the second step of the career ladder. Today sympaty.net offers to dispel all fears and look at the notorious crisis of 25 years with different eyes.

So, what doubts torment us at this age, and what thoughts come into our heads?

Already unbearable to marry

Why is there a crisis for 25 years?

At this age, girls begin their first wave of marriages.

You are young and beautiful. You have more than one broken man's heart on your account. And then suddenly your friend, with whom you were connected until the age of 17 by the motto "all men are goats", and more recently in a club over a glass of cocktail you discussed fashionable novelties, invites you to her wedding ... The first ukolchik of the "crisis of 25 years" makes itself felt ... “All around the grandchildren are already babysitting,” the mother complains. And at family celebrations, distant relatives will surely ask a stupid question: "Are you going to get married?"

And here there are two ways: either you are carried away by this very wave into the abyss of family life, or you float away.

... Masha and Marina have been friends since childhood. The girlfriends did not experience a lack of male attention, they were regulars in fashionable clubs and lived a busy life. But then one day Marina hid short skirts in a far drawer and answered her friend's suggestion to go somewhere unchanged: I can't today. And then she announced that she was getting married. At the bachelorette party, Masha was surprised by some "metamorphoses". In the eyes of her friend, one could read either exorbitant happiness, or a complete lack of understanding of what was happening, and under the dress, a rather noticeable tummy was already visible. Now, at the age of 25, Marina already has two children, and Masha is not thinking of getting married yet.

... ... When Anya was 25 years old, their romance with Andrey lasted already 7. Everything was like in a romantic film: they met at school, and when they realized that it was love, they entered the same institute, because they could not imagine a long separation. She gave up her dream of working in the tourism industry for him. He dreamed of children and a large family. And his parents helped them rent an apartment. Everything went as well as possible. They were an insanely beautiful couple, like in the picture. Nobody thought that ... they would part. She was the initiator. “I just realized that it was burned out,” she said at the meeting. "Did you really need 7 years for this?" “I don’t know,” Anya shrugged. Now she is completing the correspondence faculty of service and tourism.

A crisis of 25 years has happened not only for those who are free. Just in Soviet times a girl of this age who did not have a stamp in her passport was considered hopeless. Now the time has changed, but for some reason the landmarks have remained the same. 25 years is not a milestone. It's just that someone wakes up in a cold sweat with the thought “I'm already 25, but I'm still not married,” and someone is sleeping peacefully.

In this age of crisis, every novel seems to be the last. "This time, for sure, he is the one!" - we think. And partings are experienced more and more acutely. Because it seems that you will never meet your one and only. But this is not the case. Just with age comes the experience and understanding of what kind of man you really want to see next.

25 years is not a crisis, but a time to make a decision. But, rather, it should come by itself. If you really need to wear a white dress for happiness, feel free to jump into the "wave of marriages", and if not, then do not be afraid to admit it to yourself. In any case, it should be your decision.

I'm talented

Once upon a time there was no such thing as a crisis of 25 years, and the girls were not burdened with thoughts of self-realization and calmly played music, taught French and collected the dowry in the chest.

But since we decided that from now on everything will be different and for a woman self-realization is no less important than for a man, another point has been added to the crisis of 25 years.

When you are standing at a fork, there are many roads and turns in front of you, and you simply don’t know where to turn. However, such thoughts do not torment everyone. After all, going with the flow is much easier.

... After college, material difficulties forced Alla to get a job as a janitor at the enterprise. But after all, this promised growth prospects, again, a social package and benefits. The girl fit perfectly into the team and got into the right stream. From janitors, she moved to storekeepers. After working for a long time in a warehouse, she did become an office worker. Thus, she already has 8 years of experience at the same enterprise. Someday she, among the veterans of labor, will be awarded an honorary prize and presented with a commemorative badge. Did she ever want to turn from this path? No. Not at 25, not at 30.

... Tatiana graduated from the institute with honors. With the same diploma, she was admitted to a large company for a fairly good and stable position. All the friends were jealous - so lucky. At first, Tanya herself was glad - everything was new, interesting, she wanted to learn everything. But time passed, and every day was similar to the previous one: all the same papers, all the same operations, everything is clear and understandable. There was no prospect of growth, and she understood that it was “not hers”. The soul demanded creativity. And then one day, having fully felt the crisis for 25 years, she quit her job and left with her sister for Moscow. Everyone said: “Are you out of your mind? Why do you need that?". It was very difficult at first. But, after graduating from hairdresser courses and passing the competition, Tatyana began to work in a beauty salon. She now travels to exhibitions and plans to open her own salon in the future.

Self-actualization (a tricky word from the course of psychology) is a person's desire to realize their abilities and talents. "What aspirations are there when there is no money?" - many will say. And if they are not there, there is still nothing to lose. Many people forget who they wanted to be in their youth, what they aspired to and what they dreamed of. But the crisis age of 25 is exactly the age when you can afford to remember this.

Remember Lyudmila from the movie "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears"? "To love, so the queen, to lose, so a million." After all, if you are talented, your needs should not be limited only by the word "must". Because of the fear of changing something in our life, we sometimes do not see the opportunities that it gives us. Or maybe a great actress or an impressionist artist is sleeping in you, what if you become an excellent psychologist? Dreams will come true with a little effort. Right now, when we are only 25 years old!

The phrase "crisis of 25 years" sounds strange, because the crisis is not associated with such a wonderful age, right?

But along with this date, doubts, dissatisfaction, self-reflection, thoughts about the future come to many of us.

This is normal, because this is not only our first crisis, but also the first serious anniversary! And if they come to you, it only means that you are already able to adequately assess your life and make serious decisions. And it's worth a lot.

So, what to do with all this? How to deal with the crisis 25 years old?

I asked several people to answer the question: What should a girl have by the age of 25?

Certainly, most of of the people I interviewed for stability - work and family. That is the way it is. Some for adventure and richness of personal life.

But still, the majority believes that at this age the girl should already have clear life guidelines. That is, she must understand what is valuable to her in life.

So that's what I mean. To ease the experience of the 25-year crisis, you can try to analyze your feelings and answer the question: how do you see yourself in 10-15 years? Maybe a mother of two, or maybe a successful legal adviser? How do you see yourself?

Then it will be easier to take some steps now, focusing on these ideas.

Most of the decisions we make during this period are the result of outside pressure. But the most important thing is not to focus on your friends, not to compare your successes with others, but to think about what you need from this life.

After all, at 25, life is just beginning! Nobody can argue with that!

Therefore, we will discard all thoughts about our first age crisis, think about our dreams and enjoy life!

M not today turned 25 years old and sitting on the Internet, I decided to see what the network associates with this bright enough date for young people. And found interesting article that describes the realities modern psychology young people of transitional age. And so to your attention below I want to present material dedicated to the new age crisis - the crisis of 25 years

V lately more and more young people begin to feel some psychological dissatisfaction at the turn of about 25-26 years. How is this expressed? Dissatisfaction with some aspects of your life, thinking about the correctness of the chosen one professional path, doubts about the correctness and richness of life, searches in personal relationships, serious thoughts about the future, etc. In general, everyone can have their own manifestations, but they combine into a common feeling: is everything going right in life or is something wrong?

In the classical periodization of the main crises of life development, the age period of 25 years is not described. However, there are more and more statements that such a critical stage has a right to exist in modern days. So what are the reasons for this state? There are several factors, and they all interact with each other.

P At the same time, it should be noted that all these reasons may not necessarily be realized by us. They can be felt on an intuitive level, worked out somewhere far away in the unconscious, but the "effect" from them is still the same - all this is manifested in one way or another in our conscious emotional life. Let's try to sort them out in order.

1. The question of self-realization in the professional sphere.
As a rule, the majority of young people by this period received their education, graduated from universities. Since that moment, enough time has passed (2-4 years) to make the first reliable conclusions about my self-realization: what are the achievements, what have I managed to achieve, what I am, what are my prospects. Against the background of these assessments given to myself, thoughts appear: do I want to do this in life, am I on the right path, what would I really want to do, can I succeed in this particular area, do I implement in the profession what did you think about during your student years?

2. The question of self-realization in the social environment.
Today, each of us has a lot of opportunities to choose a path in life: you can try a lot and earn a lot, you can get to a good place, you can work not in your specialty with a large income or develop yourself professionally in your own direction, but with a small income. Today, some specialties are in great demand, others are not, with one education you can immediately get a good position and make a career, while with another you need to work a lot only for the future. You can start your own business, you can make good money in the service sector, you can be a young scientist with a paltry salary, or go abroad and realize yourself as much as possible.

In general, the options are countless. But, one way or another, your "work" achievements begin to determine your social status. And for girls, it can also be determined by a successful marriage. In this regard, a lot of questions arise: what is my status relative to my peers, am I making the necessary progress, is my life being successfully formed, is everything going well for me, am I able to fulfill myself properly?

3. A sense of true adulthood.
At this stage, a true understanding of oneself comes: what I am now is what I am from myself and I represent. This means that thoughts about their path, their place in life, their destiny, their achievements, etc. begin to appear. More and more, there is an exact realization that here it is - adulthood. And the way I live now, what I am doing is no longer a preparatory stage, not only the very, very beginning of my real adult life, but this life itself. She goes, and everything that happens to me can already be evaluated, and there are no discounts for studies, youth, immaturity.

4. Feeling of leaving youth.
At the turn of 25, it becomes clear that the most carefree, fun and full of hope years are already behind us. During those very young years (and this is a lot - about 10-12 years from adolescence), we have always lived in the feeling that the best and most interesting in life has yet to happen to us, that there will be a lot of interesting things and everything will definitely work out well, I will achieve a lot, luck will smile at me and adult life in the future will be wonderful. Now comes an understanding of the realities of life, illusions and hopes give way to rationality and a clear understanding of what our life will be like in the near future.

5. The question of implementation in personal life.
For those who have not yet started a family or have not had children, at this age the question of personal life arises most acutely. To a greater extent, this, of course, concerns girls. During this period, there are especially many thoughts about choosing a permanent partner for a future life, whether the current partner is suitable for the role of husband / wife, whether there are worthy candidates for creating a family. Girls think about their maternal role: whether they want and are ready to realize it, and if they are ready, then are there any objective opportunities for this, etc. Many begin to evaluate their experience of communication with the opposite sex, reflect on their ideals, tastes, preferences, about who suits them and who they would like to see next to them in life.

Someone at this age has all these factors, others have only a few, and still others have only one. Of course, there are those who are quite satisfied with life and do not feel any twists and turns in their worldview. This is also obvious, because not everyone without exception feels on themselves all the critical moments of development, these are rather tendencies than dogmas. So, if at the time of your 25th birthday (or, more precisely, between the ages of 24 and 26) you experience some dissatisfaction with your life, do not take it as some kind of depression or a desperate situation. This is a rational and logical process that needs to be waited out, experienced, so that everything will gradually get better again. You will come out of this crisis as a more mature person, perhaps with something new, more productive, with a renewed outlook and fresh beginnings.

The midlife crisis in men occurs as soon as they turn 25 years old. At the same time, according to statistics, every second representative of the strong half of humanity is subjected to such a failure. Not only does a young man have to suffer from this, psychological ailment for the worse affects relations with his loved ones, family, friends and even with unfamiliar people.

From the outside, a man who has become a victim of a crisis period in his life is more like a bore, no matter how it sounds. Personally, you feel like sadness overwhelms you every day. More and more often you notice that something hurts you, somewhere it tingles. To the surprise of all your relatives, you begin to visit doctors more often, read medical publications, magazines. Take it every morning. Few people admit that he is trying to prevent aging in this way. In the depths of a man's soul, a certain Dorian Gray wakes up, striving to remain young forever.

In addition, crises in a man's life motivate him to change his appearance by dyeing his hair, changing his style, etc. In addition, you can, without noticing it, begin to remember with nostalgia how wonderful young men were 10 years ago. The option is not excluded that you will express an incredible thirst for life, manifested in unusual behavior and desires for you.

Unfortunately, it is rather difficult to give an exact answer to this question. Indeed, for some individuals it lasts a couple of months, and with someone it settles for many years. It all depends on the individual characteristics of a person and the reasons for the occurrence of this difficult life period of a man.

It is worth noting that the following sources of its occurrence are distinguished:

1. Physiology... You have exacerbated all existing diseases of the chronic type, and this, in turn, negatively affects the functioning of the body, from which the first signs of aging appear. As a result, this is the basis of your uncertainty about your own future, an increased nervous state, despair, fatigue.
2. Psychology... A change in outlook on life, on goals, achievements begins. In the case when you think that you are not living the life you dream about, dissatisfaction with personal opportunities appears. Subconsciously strive to start everything from scratch, but then you realize that the body is not at all in such excellent shape as it was before. This gives rise to depressive states.
3. Society... What kind of relationship you have with the world around you largely determines your well-being, worldview.