How to deal with other people's opinions. How to learn not to depend on the opinions of others and be yourself. Learn to defend your own point of view

Much in our life depends on the people around us, their opinions, assessments, encouragement or censure. A person can move mountains if he is praised, or withdraw into himself when he hears a negative review addressed to him. If a person whose opinion is important to us expressed dissatisfaction, then our self-perception can change dramatically to negative. The dress, which seemed chic, after a critical assessment of her husband, I want to immediately return it to the store. The long-awaited new car, after the critical remarks of a colleague, no longer seems such a profitable acquisition. However, the point is not your inability to make good choices, but your dependence on someone else's assessment. Any person has the right to express his opinion, but this does not mean at all that he objectively assesses your situation, and therefore it is worth learning to listen to him, but not to depend on him. We offer you some practical advice on how to leave aside the opinions of others and not take it personally so as not to spoil your life.

5 tips on how to stop depending on the opinions of others

1. Don't dwell on other people's thoughts and decisions

Everyone can express their negative or positive opinion, but no one asks you to follow these thoughts or advice. Don't dwell on the idea that others are right and you are wrong. The task is to be able to recognize the truth in the opinions of others and draw your own conclusions from this, putting them into practice in your life, in your worldview and thoughts. Why turn your world upside down if someone decides to criticize you?

Maybe it's better to look for the reason for such criticism and analyze the actions of others.

It is worth listening to the opinions of the people around you only if you really need someone's advice. But even then, you need to remember that all people can make mistakes.

1. Stop pleasing, let them please you!

To please mom, dad, sister, brother, beloved, beloved, son, daughter, girlfriend or friend - this means doing unquestioningly what others want, leaving your own emotions and desires aside. Is it a luxury for you to do something for yourself? If for a long time to please everyone, then as a result you can lose faith in yourself, gradually turning your life into the fulfillment of the desires of others. Try to change your attitude to the words of other people: their wishes are not a reason for you to rush to fulfill them. Turn back your life, let others try to do something for you. To do this, review the circle of your friends, maybe you are just being used. Why then such friends?

Show others that your life and your own interests are more priority for you than others.

1. Do not assume that someone thinks a lot about you - this is a delusion

It makes no sense to constantly worry about what others will say about your hair, manicure, makeup. Everyone thinks only about themselves, and if they see you with an unwashed head without makeup, no one will even pay attention, and if they do, then literally for a moment, and immediately forget. This does not mean that people around do not pay attention to each other at all, but this short-term attention of strangers is not worth the worries and efforts, torments that you sometimes take into your head.

1. Be unique, inimitable and non-standard. Be yourself first

If you constantly try to be like another person, fulfill all his wishes, immediately change your mind, if someone from your environment did not like it, then you can lose your Individuality. And it's not easy to find it again. Always be yourself, express your own interesting thoughts, defend your opinion, prove your case.

1. Don't compare yourself to other people, everyone lives their own life

Dependence on the opinions of others can ruin your life even more if you compare yourself with other people. Who has a better car, more fashionable clothes, a cooler smartphone - everything is wrong with me. From this, feelings begin that the work is not so prestigious, the salary is not so high. With such thoughts, more and more depression rolls in. Do not compare other people's abilities and resources with your own. Each person has their own set of skills, abilities and abilities. Find in yourself what others do not have, and develop it. Grow confidence in yourself and your abilities.

No matter how independent we are, the opinion of others is still important to us. This opinion can greatly affect our lives if we pay a lot of attention to it. Human nature is such that we want to be loved and respected. But is it worth it to constantly look back at everyone? The main thing to remember is not to worry about what others think and fill your head with thoughts about it. No one says that you need to score on everything and do what you want. Listen to the opinions of people important to you, think about it, and only then decide what to do. After all, your family is also not always right. If you still cannot get rid of the oppression of public opinion and censure, then let's develop a mindset that will help get rid of it.

People don't pay as much attention to you as you think.

People around you, for the most part, are passionate about their own affairs and concerns. They have their own life, which excites them much more than yours. If your interests and views intersect in some area, then this does not happen as often as you think. Just think, do you often pay attention to what others are wearing? Are their shirts dirty? Did a girl passing by have a puff on her pantyhose? I bet you either don't think about it at all, or spend no more than a couple of minutes on it. So the people around you do the same.

It shouldn't worry you

What others think of you is their business. It shouldn't concern you in any way. Even if you learn someone's opinion about yourself, it still won't make you a different person or change your life, in most cases. The opinions of others can influence you only when you allow this opinion to become decisive in your life. And this shouldn't happen. You cannot control the opinions of others, so do not pay such attention to them and focus on yourself.

You are unique like no other

Remember this once and for all. Don't fit in with those around you. As soon as you let this house of advice into your head, you stop being yourself. There are many people around you, and you are alone. You won't be nice to everyone. And, in the pursuit of society, you will give birth to Frankenstein, who, at least a little, but everyone likes.

Instead, just be yourself and remember that you are the only one in the whole world. You won't find exactly the same. Cherish your uniqueness. Respect yourself. Then the people around you will start to respect you.

Why do you still listen to them

Will your life change a lot if someone disagrees with you or says that you are saying something wrong? Are you ready to change every time someone says that you are doing everything wrong? I think no. The next time you become very sensitive to the opinions of others, then just think about whether it will be just as important in a week. If a remark in your direction will excite you for no more than an hour, then all this is empty.

You are clearly not a telepath

If you do not have any superpowers and the magic ball does not show you anything, then you hardly know what people are thinking. If you a common person How do you know what's going on in the minds of others? The only problem is that you think that all the thoughts of the people around you are fixated only on you. Selfish and smacks of something unhealthy, don't you think? Do not worry about the opinions of others until you have learned to read their minds.

Be honest with yourself and live in the present

It is up to you how you feel every day. Do you want to experience constant fear and excitement at the thought that society will not approve of your act? Stop thinking about it. Don't worry that someone has reprimanded you in the past or that people will think badly of you. Live in the here and now and don't look around. Breathe deeply and do not forget that only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Only in this way can you be happy. Only in this way will you understand that each person has their own opinion and only you can choose whether it will affect you or not.

Surround yourself with people who accept you

It's just wonderful when you have friends who agree with you and support you in any endeavor, even if your relatives are against it. Remember that in order to maintain physical and spiritual health, you must choose to either give up on the advice of others or surround yourself with people who can inspire you to find your own path.

Others also care about public opinion

You are not paranoid and you are not the only one. The people around you also care what they think of them. So the next time someone criticizes you, put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps you have done something that this person has long dreamed of and did not dare to do. And now they just want you back from heaven to earth. Remember this, and then it will become easier for you to endure criticism and understand the motives for the actions of others.

Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and admit that you are surrounded by people just like you. They also have problems, they also care about criticism, they are also not perfect. There are no perfect people who never make mistakes. It’s just that someone, having stumbled once, stops for life, and someone, having stepped over his mistake, follows his dream. Let public opinion not become a stopper in your development, and you will still show this world where crayfish hibernate.

Are you dependent on the opinions of others?

The content of the article:

Dependence on someone else's opinion is a psychological state of a person, due to the oppression of one's own "I" in favor of extraneous considerations. The formation of this quality begins deep in childhood, when parents evaluate and correct the actions of babies. Born in early age the fear of being judged or misunderstood fetters one's own pride and makes one follow the lead of someone else's opinion.

The impact of depending on someone else's opinion on life

Dependence on someone else's opinion usually occurs in people with a weak character. Among the features of such a person, one can observe the inability to independently make any decisions and easily succumb to the influence of outsiders. This state contributes to the subordination of people with this quality to others, stronger and more strong-willed.

How does this kind of addiction affect a person's life:

• Loss of your own "I". One gets the impression that others put pressure on and suppress the personal opinion of the individual. Under such influence, the ability to independently build one's life and make decisions on one or another issue is lost.
• The Need for External Evaluation. Such people need comments and approval of their actions and actions. A different reaction is regarded as an instruction on the true path. A person who has such an addiction is influenced by absolutely everyone around him.
• Indisputable opinion of parents. The child, for whom even in childhood the decisions were always made by the parents, already in adulthood often depends on their opinion. Such people remain attached to the assessment from their relatives and are unable to contradict them, although they have the opposite view. Such attachment may lead to the inability to exist independently.
• Failure to defend one's position. If in childhood the baby was constantly subjected to pressure from peers or elders, having matured, he will not be able to lead a discussion. He will no longer want to prove his point. It will be easier for him to agree, and push his opinion into the background.
• Wanting to be like everyone. A person with a similar position is afraid to stand out from the crowd and tries to live according to the principles of the herd. It is always important for such people to know that they are not worse than others, but like everyone else.
• Avoiding Responsibility. Individuals who have these qualities are capable of deception, they cannot be relied upon, because they avoid responsibility in every possible way. A person who moves away from solving serious issues is not welcome in the work team.

People who depend on other people's opinions often suffer from low self-esteem, consider themselves inferior and suffer from this. Those endowed with such qualities cannot successfully move up the career ladder, establish family relationships subject to public opinion.

Important! Such dependence makes a person a slave who can be led by everyone, point out mistakes and stop the slightest kind of manifestation of individuality. To avoid the undesirable development of such a bondage, it is necessary to immediately sound the alarm and try to get rid of it.

The main reasons for dependence on the opinions of others

People are born into the world with established principles and moral standards. All future life is to fit in with society. But some believe that someone else's opinion will set them on the right path and help them stay on track. This kind of dependence can eventually lead to a loss of individuality, an inability to make decisions independently.

Causes of dependence on an outside opinion:

1. Weak character. People with this trait are easily influenced from outside.
2. Man guided by his essence. Such individuals avoid responsibility and are unable to make their own decisions.
3. Bad experience. Appears in childhood, when parents stopped the child's initiative to do something on their own. With age, there is no need to manage your life, and this feature is shifted onto the shoulders of friends or relatives.
4. Low self-esteem. This quality does not make it possible to defend one's interests, but on the contrary, it makes a person close up so as not to cause extraneous condemnation.
5. Lack of love in childhood. In adult life, the individual craves to attract attention, begging for approval or condemnation from outsiders. These actions help him feel that he is not an empty place.
6. Created stereotypes. If a child is praised for all his actions (he ate, woke up, went to the toilet, etc.), he lives in fear of doing something wrong and therefore is always guided by other people's advice.

The opinion of strangers often represents an extraneous vision of any situation, and it is up to everyone to take it into account or not, depending on their personal preferences. When a person is dependent, he accepts all instructions and follows them, forgetting about his own interests.

Important! Childhood education becomes the basis for the emergence of addiction. Like many other mental formations, it can be prevented with the help of properly selected methods of purposeful personality development.

Signs of a person dependent on someone else's opinion

The desire to imitate or conform to socially accepted attitudes prevents the manifestation of one's own essence. There is no need for personal development, because preference is given to the assessments and opinions of people who are authorities for a person.

The main signs of addiction:

• A person, before performing some action, thinks about how society will evaluate this act, what others will think. These thoughts influence the final decision.
• The person who has been criticized experiences depression, emotional decline and painful well-being.
• There is a fear of being subjected to general discussion or criticism.
• There is a need for a positive assessment and praise of their actions, achievements or personal qualities.
• A person experiences oppression when his actions are not positively evaluated.
• The diligence of the individual comes down to meeting the expectations of people.
• A person sacrifices his principles and views in favor of someone else's opinion.
• Ignoring discussions, the presence of fear to defend one's point of view.
• There is a feeling that a person lives someone else's life, and at the same time there is an oppression of one's own "I".

The opinion of strangers can overshadow dignity and affect the loss of one's own face. If the listed signs are available, then you need to sound the alarm. After all, this manifestation contributes to the oppression of individuality and prevents you from achieving your life goals.

How to stop depending on other people's opinions

People are inherently very dependent. Each family, raising children, has a different attitude towards their freedom of expression. Some parents prefer to raise their kids in dictatorial ways, while others, on the contrary, lean towards democracy. The child who was subjected to emotional abuse, infringed in his actions, becomes dependent on the opinion of the public.

After analyzing the problem, psychologists have developed a certain algorithm of actions, how not to depend on someone else's opinion:

1. self-observation. This technique is based on the practice of mindfulness. You need to analyze your thoughts. The most varied feelings must be noticed. Then the person will understand that in his emotions there is resentment, anger, anxiety, a feeling of inexpressibility. Having identified these features, he learns to recognize them without dividing them into good and bad. By learning to feel their thoughts, people determine their origin. Appreciating the emotional reaction to a stimulus, awareness appears, which saves a person from self-condemnation.
2. Privacy. People suffering from addiction are afraid of loneliness, they try to be even with those who harm them, just not to be left alone with themselves. To get rid of such negative attachment, you need to gradually learn to stay alone. Realizing that this method is effective, you need to prepare a place for spending time. The created favorable atmosphere will allow you to be in peace and harmony with yourself. Such actions will eventually beat off the fear of loneliness and teach independence.
3. Determining your own desires. People attached to someone else's opinion do not have life goals and own view for one situation or another. All the manifestations presented are hidden behind a stranger's face, because everything that relatives want, a dependent person also wants to have. Such an individual needs to find strength in himself and answer questions about what is important to him and who he wants to be in life.
4. Manifestation of aggression. Each person tends to throw out his emotional indignation and defend a personal vision of a particular situation. If you constantly restrain aggression in yourself and do not let it out, this can cause a painful state of health, develop personal apathy. Defending your position, you will be able to find your own opinion, which will help you escape from the captivity of addiction.
5. Setting boundaries. Having outlined a clear limit of what is permitted, a person gains universal approval. Shaky boundaries breed insecurity, which turns a lot of people off. After all, only distinct facets speak of the presence of life goals that will never be shaken. This kind of action will allow you to find your face in society.
6. Getting rid of illusions. This action will help to realize that there are no ideal people. Even those individuals in whom they see idols have a set of negative qualities. Looking closely at them, you can destroy the illusory world created by your own consciousness.

When a person asks himself how not to pay attention to someone else's opinion, we can talk about his awareness of the problems that have arisen and the desire to get rid of them. From this moment begins the struggle with addiction.

A list of exercises that will tell you how to stop depending on someone else's opinion:

• It is necessary to watch a movie or read a book, just so that the material is known to everyone. After getting acquainted with the chosen plot, you should make a list in which the moments you like and not so much are written. When a person gets into the essence of a movie or book, he should talk with close friends about what impression he had. During the conversation, disputes may arise, but in no case should you deviate from your already formed opinion. The proposed exercise is recommended to be repeated until the person feels self-confidence.
• It is necessary to prescribe the goals that are planned to be implemented in a certain life period. After completing this procedure, people gain confidence and strive to achieve what they planned.
• You need to be able to refuse, to cultivate the strength in yourself to say “No!” to people. To learn this, you need to start small. For example, when a friend proposes to meet at a certain time, it is worth changing it for at least 30 minutes, but this will already be a positive shift.

If a person cannot cope with dependence on the opinions of others on his own, then only a specialist can help him.

How not to be afraid of someone else's opinion - look at the video:

All people who have fallen into the net of dependence on someone else's opinion are infringed by society, lose their face and are unable to stand out from the crowd. The desire to conform stifles individuality. If there is a need to overcome addiction, then you should not hesitate. Actions must be built according to the presented algorithm, and only then will it be possible to free oneself from the opinions of others and gain faith in oneself.

Dependence on other people and their opinions is one of the many sources of suffering for a person, as well as a direct destroyer of his success. Ask yourself how much the questions are holding you back from some important decisive steps in your life - “What will people say?”, “What will parents, relatives and friends say?”, “What will friends say?”. How often have you given up on something meaningful, like taking a step and changing your life, because someone whispers in your ear “Yes, nothing will work out for you ...” or “This is not yours” or “Yes, get this stupidity out of your head, what do you does not fit…”.

All those who achieved the highest success - politicians, businessmen, scientists, show business stars, they all overcame the colossal resistance of society and their environment. Almost everyone went through situations when it was necessary to protect their opinion, vision of the future, to protect their goals from the bombardment of others who tried in every possible way to dissuade and convince them that it was not worth even starting. And they were able to do it, they became independent and thanks to this they achieved their success! Learn from them, from the best and strongest!

In addition, we can definitely say that dependence on the opinions of others makes a person unhappy. The basis of addiction is, in this situation, it is the fear that other people will not understand you, they will condemn you, they will somehow speak unflatteringly about you, the fear of ruining relationships with people, etc. An addicted person is constantly in this fear and it devours his energy, joy, makes him suffer.

In addition, people really respect those who have their own individual point of view and can defend it, respect those who are independent and strong. The strong are respected, the weak are despised. If a person constantly adjusts to the opinions of others, he will never achieve anything in life, he has no core, he will always be a weakling and a loser. His plans, even the most ingenious plans, will always be shattered by the opinions and disagreements of other people, by their limitations and stereotypes, and he will do nothing about it. Unless he realizes his mistake and sets the goal of becoming an Independent. About what independence is and what it happens -.

Why do people depend on the opinions of others, what are the reasons?

Reason 1. Fear. Fear of judgment, fear of being misunderstood, fear of ruining relationships, fear of losing support, etc. Cowardly people will always be dependent, weak and unhappy. If you consider yourself smart - get rid of fear, because everything that you are afraid of will always be unattainable for you! How to get rid of fear -.

Reason 2. Wrong authorities. If you want to learn how to fly an airplane, who do you go to? To the submariner? No! To a chess player? No! And why? That's right, because they do not understand anything in aerobatics. You will go to flight school with the best instructor. And so in everything, in theory, if you want to achieve some goal, you need to go to someone who is a specialist in achieving this goal. Right? "Yes" - you will answer. But life is different. Most often, when some bright idea comes to our mind, we do not go to a specialist who knows how to bring this idea to life, but to close people, often incompetent friends and relatives who do not understand anything about this and, of course , will criticize you for the mere impulse to do something that others have not done. Why are we doing this? The answer is simple - because these are the people closest to us and we trust them most of all. But are they experts in our chosen field? What do they understand in the area of ​​interest to us? If they do not understand anything, then they will not advise us anything sensible and adequate. And therefore, with all due respect to our loved ones - do not listen to them!

In addition, many of our loved ones at heart are not at all interested in our success and sincerely from the bottom of their hearts do not wish to. After all, if we succeed in doing what they did not succeed, then they will have to start thinking better about us, and worse about themselves, and no one wants this :). - a terrible and vice, beware of it. And decide on the authorities - who and in what can be an authority for you, whom you listen to, and whom you cannot listen to.

Reason 3. Self-doubt. When a person has low self-esteem, when he is not confident in himself, he always makes difficult decisions, he constantly doubts. And if a person does not have confidence inside, he begins to look for it in other people, but again goes to his loved ones. And it’s good if a person comes across an adequate and interested relative who will support his undertakings. In most cases, these impulses will be nipped in the bud due to envy, lack of understanding, disinterest of others, etc. Therefore, strengthen and do not seek to find support in loved ones.

There are other reasons - this is because of which a person becomes addicted, total weakness and spinelessness, when a person in life is like a bedding on which all feet are wiped. In this case, you need to form your inner core, become. Other reasons.

But even if you recognize yourself in the examples described above - do not be discouraged! A problem understood is a problem half solved.

How not to depend on the opinions of other people. Algorithm

1. You must honestly admit to yourself what you are afraid of., why are you afraid to have your own opinion? Why are you afraid of not being approved by others? Why do you need this approval so much? And in the end, decide what you need more, the approval of others or your cherished goal, your dream, your new life.