How to get rid of invented guilt. Training is one of the ways to get rid of the state of guilt. Feeling without guilt

In psychology, guilt is defined as a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself and one's own actions. These feelings arise against the background of various negative emotions: shame, anxiety, remorse, fear, insecurity, despair. Negative emotions have a destructive effect on the human personality, especially if they are constantly experienced. A guilt complex can form, where most experiences, upon close examination, have no basis. Lack of ability to cope with such conditions leads to self-flagellation and frequent depression. It has been proven that such a condition can also worsen the physical condition. That is why it is important to find a solution that will help get rid of unwarranted feelings of guilt forever.

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Feelings of guilt

Feelings of guilt are formed in early childhood. Everyone knows the question: "Aren't you ashamed?"

Parents often ask their children. The child begins to feel ashamed and doubt the correctness of his actions. Constant doubts give rise to a state of anxiety, which adversely affects mental development. Sometimes parents do not limit themselves to reproaches and punish children, which gives rise to fears.

Having matured, a person continues to carry the burden of guilt, forgetting about his merits. Many people tend to apologize to everyone in advance to ease this burden. Others begin to skillfully manipulate someone else's guilt complex to achieve their goals. Depending on the situation, this feeling manifests itself in different ways. The source can be external circumstances or internal experiences.

Main reasons

According to psychologists, fear is at the root of any negative experience. This mechanism works when a person makes a mistake and realizes it later. Everyone's reaction is different. Some learn from mistakes, mistaking them for experience, while others torment themselves for years.

There are various reasons:

• Feeling annoyed, angry, angry, or other negative emotions in relation to people, especially to those close to you. For example: parents are angry with the child, shout, punish, and then blame themselves for intemperance. Children may feel guilty after being angry with their parents.
• Wrong actions... Having committed an unseemly act, a person, even when he is repentant, cannot forgive himself. Someone hides the truth that can help another, and then suffers from their own indifference. People with exaggerated demands on themselves may feel guilty for the lack of a result of any action.
• "Survivor Complex"... Most often appears in people who survived an accident or survived a natural disaster. They reproach themselves for thinking only of their own salvation and not helping someone else.
• Unjustified expectations... It is typical for those on whom parents pinned great hopes in childhood and who, upon the onset of maturity, are forced to struggle with their unjustified expectations.
• Feelings of guilt for a deceased loved one... No one is waiting for death, but when this happens to a loved one, most people begin to reproach themselves: he loved a little, did not say warm words, did not do something, did not pay due attention, was not there at the right time.
• Incorrect choice... Having once made the wrong choice, people often regret, they begin to sort out other possible options. Thus, a person lives in the past, scolds and blames himself for the inability to fix anything.

There are a lot of reasons - everyone has their own. If you look closely, most of them are far-fetched or imposed by society. A false sense of guilt arises.

Imaginary and real guilt

False guilt creates feelings of helplessness. A person ceases to realize his worth, is afraid of offending someone, asking for something, forming in himself a feeling of his own unworthiness. He seeks to gain the approval of others, to meet other people's expectations, adjusting to their requirements.

If a person cannot figure out why he is feeling guilty, it is very difficult for him to get rid of this feeling, and it haunts him, interfering with his normal life. It is important to learn to distinguish when a person is really guilty, and where this guilt was imposed on him or he himself successfully cultivates it.

People who are constantly feeling guilty for everything and before everyone become a victim of manipulators who know how to skillfully "put pressure on the conscience."

Man-manipulator shifts his responsibility to another, violating his personal boundaries. Without a clearly defined place in life, a person becomes powerless and manageable. Those who share these boundaries will not take on anything that they cannot fulfill. You need to learn to distinguish the imposed "must" from the real "can", then you can avoid many conflict situations.

Some people confuse the concepts of guilt and responsibility. When replacing them, a person acts out of fear, and not out of the need for repentance and admission of his mistake. Responsibility helps people to realize exactly what they are to blame and to whom they are responsible for unfulfilled obligations, and guilt entails inaction. A repentant person always knows who exactly he needs to ask for forgiveness and how to correct the situation.

Learning responsibility is the way to get rid of guilt and protection from manipulation. It implies action. There is always an opportunity to answer for your actions, and not sit back and worry pointlessly. Errors must be corrected as soon as possible; if he is not there, do not harass yourself.

Impact on the human psyche

Through a sense of guilt, a person develops a destructive worldview:

• Violation of personal space from the groans of others is accepted as a natural phenomenon: "I am to blame for everything."
• Inaction, inability to defend their point of view: "I deserve this attitude towards myself."
• An unconscious desire for punishment can be expressed in the loss of things and money, a tendency to succumb to other people's manipulations, and unconsciously play the role of a victim.
• The desire to meet other people's expectations, contrary to their true desires.
• Digging yourself up and comparing yourself to others.
• Failure to build harmonious human relationships and be happy.
• Loss of self-esteem, self-doubt, apathy.

This perception causes a feeling of heaviness and discomfort, brings tension, frustration and a pessimistic attitude towards life. Guilt takes away strength and energy, devastating a person.

There are also positive aspects. Feelings of guilt develop empathy, which plays a positive role in the development of relationships between people. Without mutual understanding and empathy, you cannot experience guilt. Psychologists separately single out existential guilt associated with the realization of a person's capabilities, responsibility for one's life and choices.

It's okay to feel guilty about doing something wrong.

Otherwise, people will calmly violate all laws and at the same time remain indifferent to the feelings and needs of others.

Getting rid of feelings of guilt

It is unlikely to get rid of this feeling in one day - it will take time:

• It is necessary to get rid of all unnecessary, unnecessary, imposed thoughts... It is impossible in the past, constantly analyzing your mistakes. No wonder they say: "Only the one who does nothing is not mistaken." From the past, one has only to take into account the mistakes so as not to repeat them.
• It is worth deciding on your desires- which of them are true, and where are brought from the outside. Are they really what you want? If not, they should be abandoned in order to do what is interesting and enjoyable.
• Prioritization... It is necessary not to follow other people's expectations, but to fulfill their own.
• Understanding your feelings and emotions... A person can learn to control thoughts and emotions and live consciously. You need to be grateful for everything that already exists.
• Forming personal boundaries... Each person should have an individual space in which he himself forms his reality. Do not be afraid to deny others their requests if they are uncomfortable to fulfill.
• Forgiving your mistakes... People often know how to forgive others, but not themselves. There is no point in worrying about something that can no longer be changed. Forgiveness is a gift that can take away the burden of guilt.
• No need to feel guilty about anything... When a person says to himself: "I am unworthy," "I cannot," "I have no forgiveness," "I am bad," he blocks many favorable opportunities for himself. It makes no sense to underestimate your abilities and compare yourself with others; each is unique in its own way.

You should not rely too much on the opinion and projections of other people: this is just someone else's subjective opinion. In fact, only the person's actions at the moment and his own thoughts are important.

To determine the individual "must" - the motives of their behavior - everyone should ask themselves a few simple questions:

• Where did the individual motives of behavior come from? Are they real or contrived? Is there a sincere desire to follow them, or is it just because "it is necessary"? All inappropriate and false motivations are crossed out without hesitation.
• What gives you the most energy in life?
• Important or urgent? How important is it for the person himself? Is someone else interested in him?
• What "should" be done helps to develop or degrade as individuals?
• Is the usual state of affairs really comfortable?

Don't blame yourself for showing negative emotions to other people. Enough to be responsible for other people's feelings, and even more so there is no need to feel guilty for other people's actions. You need to stop feeling the need to make excuses and learn to refuse, otherwise personal boundaries will be constantly violated.

Feelings of guilt and responsibility are two different things. Sometimes a person, having assumed any obligations, cannot fully fulfill them due to circumstances, and this is no one's fault. If a person blames himself, he ceases to see other possible options, and when he is responsible, he will always find a way out, acting according to the current situation.

The most common inhibiting factor on the path to getting rid of guilt is fear. He, too, has often haunted since childhood. Many are familiar with the fear of the dark, of the unknown, the fear of punishment, the fear of making a mistake or being misunderstood, the fear of losing the love of loved ones. The source of all these fears is self-loathing. When a person loves and respects himself, believes in his own strengths and capabilities, he has nothing to fear.

How to help yourself

There are many different techniques for self-development, getting rid of complexes, limiting beliefs. Some of them can be used to deal with feelings of guilt:

• Introspection... Answers to the following questions are written on a piece of paper: what are the doubts about yourself? How is self-distrust expressed? What you can blame yourself for? How do I stop this? The received answers will help you to look at yourself from the outside: who is this person, causing so much doubt? Is he worthy of contempt? Are there any associations with someone from your inner circle? This will make it easier to find the root of the problem and deal with it. If it is difficult for one to do this, it is permissible to discuss this topic with a person who will express his objective and honest opinion.
• Self-training or meditation. Helps a person understand himself, his feelings and emotions. To do this, you need to choose a place and time when no one can interfere. In the process, pleasant music, a comfortable position, closed eyes and complete relaxation will help. To keep your thoughts from distracting, you can do a countdown (from one hundred to one) or present pleasant pictures. Applying such practices in his life, a person becomes balanced and calm and begins to look at many things differently. The most important thing in this technique is that you can develop an impartial and objective attitude towards everything, including yourself.
• Use of affirmations. When the flow of thoughts becomes negative, it is necessary to stop it and replace it with positive statements:
  • "Having parted with the past, I make room for the new and the beautiful."
  • "I treat myself with love, I'm calm."
  • "I live happily and freely in the present, because I know that I can change."
  • "I take responsibility for my life and make the right decisions."
  • "From now on, all my experiences will be joyful."

A positive attitude will help you to get rid of feelings of guilt. A negative perception of life and, above all, of oneself, only reinforces it. If a person perceives the world in dark colors, he will not be able to find deliverance and feel the fullness and joy of existence. With an appropriate psycho-emotional state, positive moments can be found even under unfavorable circumstances.

Many found themselves in such a situation that they wanted to quickly apologize for what they had done, because the feeling of guilt and shame did not give rest. What caused such a state of mind of a person and why do some easily cope with it, while others think how to get rid of it? Let's analyze further.

What is guilt

A person is characterized by a very subtle psychological organization, and most of us react sharply to any changes in mental balance. This can often be due to a deep sense of guilt, which can be not only strong, but also persistent. What is the reason for this condition?

Guilt or remorse refers to feelings that arise after committing certain actions. Usually such actions have negative consequences, and that is why they cause such emotions. Psychologists call this state personal, in contrast to shame, which usually arises after involving the public. But is it worth dwelling on such moments? Or, better think about the likelihood that things will get much better soon!

Psychologists usually say this about feelings of guilt - this is a condition that occurs with a person as a result of a negative reassessment of his behavior. Often it is associated with a person's failure to comply with social and internal behavioral norms. They are developed as a result of the social development of a person, and their assessment is an indicator of moral maturity. The absence of such emotions can serve as a reason for classifying a person as soulless and callous, and the constant feeling of guilt in front of everyone sometimes speaks of excessive emotionality and insecurity.

Feelings of guilt and shame can be caused by:

• sincere repentance for their actions;
• constantly blaming yourself in any situation;
• self-doubt;
• condemnation of their own actions.

Often a person experiences discomfort when realizing his guilt - he does not find a place for himself, is nervous, embarrassed, or withdraws into himself. But it is precisely this feeling that allows a person to realize the value of his moral foundations, to add sincerity, goodness and goodness to society. Through reflection, you can change your inner world, make your loved one happy.

The psychology of guilt feelings - how to get rid of it?

The feeling of guilt appears in a person on a subconscious level, and it is necessary to fight it only if it is permanent and groundless. In other cases, psychologists call this state of awareness of the violation of moral personal or social values, which favorably affects the development of a civilized society.

Awareness of one's own actions helps to free oneself from constant feelings of guilt. In the analysis, you can determine whether it is justified to deal with such a condition, or it is justified by the actions of a person. You can remove the feeling of guilt when you are wrong by apologizing for your words and actions. Sometimes this is hard enough. But after that, the person experiences some relief, because he found the strength in himself to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes words alone are not enough, and the soul requires repentance - the realization that something unacceptable has been done.

But often people are accompanied by a constant feeling of guilt, for getting rid of which there are special psychological techniques. In such cases, counseling from a psychologist on how to stop feeling unwarranted guilt can be helpful. For example:

1. Don't praise yourself for constantly feeling guilty;
2. You can't look for excuses for yourself in this way;
3. It is not allowed to blame yourself for actions performed out of ignorance. It is much more useful to understand the industry in which there is not enough knowledge base.
4. Don't take responsibility for the actions of other people;
5. In order not to feel a constant feeling of guilt, you need to learn to plan your actions, deeds, words;
6. It is important to control your own emotions and not forget about mutual respect.

The above tips may not help someone, but the point is that you give it a try. An attempt that will allow you to understand something, or understand which way to go. Psychologists may be wrong, but as an ordinary person I will say that every step you take can change your life for the better, it is highly likely that this will not happen immediately, but what happiness you will experience when you achieve what you wanted !!!

Feelings of guilt in front of a child

Some parents report the appearance of guilt towards their baby during the upbringing process or as the child grows up. For example, this condition can manifest itself in the following cases:

• when you need to leave the child under the supervision of another person;
• in case of early return to work from maternity leave;
• in the process of raising or teaching a baby, when the parents do not have enough patience, they switch to screaming and scold the child;
• if the child has health problems, he was born sickly or prematurely due to the mother's improper lifestyle before and during pregnancy;
• with early weaning or in the absence of breastfeeding;
• in the case of the birth of children with a small age difference, when it is impossible to pay due attention to each baby;
• with an incomplete family;
• if the child is injured while the parents were nearby.

Such situations are not always justified, so you need to clearly understand what the child needs at the moment. For example, many moms feel guilty about spending little time with their child as they grow up. Now this time cannot be returned, and you need to try to compensate for that lack of attention in the present.

In contrast to this, sometimes parents look far ahead and try to blame themselves for the fact that the existing upbringing is not enough for the development of a full-fledged and educated personality in the future. But we do not know which path the child will choose for himself. It is much more important to be close to the baby and direct his activities and development in the right direction. If parents feel guilty for their actions in the present, then there is a great opportunity to fix something.

How to get rid of feelings of guilt in front of a child?

It is advisable to spend every minute of free time with the baby, to listen to his words, requests, questions, but not to go on about whims or tantrums. With some flaws on your part, you should not allow the repetition of such situations, and you should not show your child your constant feelings of guilt.

Children feel everything and can easily begin to manipulate you. It is worth remembering that getting rid of the feeling of guilt will not work like toys, for children it is much more important to smile, talk and the presence of parents nearby. Don't make mistakes like indulging your every whim. Try to make his soul feel that you love him. Think of some kind of game where he can realize his abilities so that he experiences not only pleasure from it, but also mentally develops.

Feelings of guilt towards the deceased

We never know at what second someone's life will end, therefore, at the tragic moment of a person's death, we may feel guilty for unsaid words or imperfect deeds. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we forget about warm words and care for our loved ones, and we remember this already at the moment when it gets late.
How to get rid of the feeling of guilt at such a moment - it is worth repenting and trying to think about the fact that after death a person will be able to get into another world, from where he will see the unsaid emotions of loved ones. And in order to prevent such a situation, it is advisable to value every moment of our life and live for the sake of family, relatives and close friends.

Feelings of guilt according to Labkovsky's theory

Mikhail Labkovsky in his works notes that you need to engage in activities that give pleasure, or at least do not allow unpleasant discomfort. Only in this case, a person feels in a comfort zone and has peace of mind, which is very important for normal life.
This approach minimizes the possibility of feeling guilty as a result of a positive attitude and the absence of uncomfortable feelings - there is simply no reason for an apology, since a person is busy with what he loves, he is calm and confident in himself.
If an unfounded feeling of guilt still appears, then in a balanced and happy state it is easier to drive it away from oneself. It is necessary to clearly understand that if there is no reason for guilt, then this feeling itself should not be.
You cannot impose such a feeling on others, everyone has their own moral values ​​and measures of human feelings. And of course, instead of blaming yourself for a long time and persistently, you need to draw the right conclusions from what happened and start working on yourself. This will be the best way to let go of constant and unfounded feelings of guilt.

Feelings of guilt towards parents

We can experience such a feeling at any period of life, from the realization of our place in the world to adulthood. Feelings of guilt towards the mother or father most often appear due to the following factors:

1. Bad behavior of a small child, and in adulthood - lack of specialty, work, knowledge;
2. Unjustified hopes;
3. Lack of life goals, a certain position in society;
4. Insults, rude conversation;
5. Rare meetings and lack of signs of attention, for example, calls;
6. Excessive care of parents, which led to discord in the family;
7. The pressure of society on the principle - parents need to be loved more than anyone else.

How to get rid of such a feeling - first of all, you need to identify the reason for its appearance. Sometimes it is helpful to apologize for what you have done, to call or visit your parents again - this is invaluable to them, and no gifts can replace real communication. It is important for both parents and children to competently approach the period of separation - when the child has his own life or family. Parents prepare the child for such an event long before this moment, just as they prepare themselves - this is an integral part of the upbringing process. And so that an unjustified feeling of guilt does not appear, both parties need to competently approach this issue.

Feelings of guilt for treason

Someone says that there is no sense of guilt for treason, because in most cases a person agrees to such a step consciously. And someone, on the contrary, claims that such a state appears immediately upon meeting with the other half and the soul requires immediate repentance. There is an opinion that the first situation is mostly observed in men, but no evidence has been found for this fact.

In such a situation, the development of guilt feelings depends largely on the character of the person and the characteristics of his personality. This feeling can arise immediately, or it can appear after a certain time, but the result in most cases is the same - repentance. Experts and ordinary people give different arguments for the appearance of such a feeling - it is responsibility to a partner, a promise to be faithful, a desire to keep the family, fear of offending or losing the other half. It is difficult to advise a way out of this situation - often the value of what is at stake is too great. Therefore, when this feeling appears, you need to build on your own feelings and the characteristics of relations with the second half - sometimes you can save a family with the truth, and destroy it by deception.

Feelings of guilt after drinking alcohol

Many are familiar with this situation. The morning after a holiday or a protracted meeting with friends can hardly be called happy if a large amount of alcohol was drunk. Usually, this condition is accompanied by unpleasant consequences for the body - weakness, nausea, lack of appetite and other symptoms. At the same time, a person often does not remember everything that happened the day before. This is why the feeling of guilt arises. It can be directed at loved ones who met at home in a similar state, at a company that witnessed such behavior or other people who happened to be nearby.

Such a feeling of guilt, and often even shame, cannot be erased with a simple apology, because some unpleasant moments still remain in the memory. You can get rid of such a feeling after drinking - just try to restore the chain of events, repent and apologize to yourself. It will be useful to draw conclusions about the dangerous consequences for the body of excessive alcohol consumption, which may become a reason for refusing alcohol or drastically limiting its amount.

Feelings of guilt, like other human emotions, can not always reliably describe and recognize the reason for its occurrence. Experts start from the opinion of the influence of the moral qualities of a person on the possibility of repentance and the appearance of such a feeling. It is one of the positive qualities of a person. But at the same time, it is important not to bring oneself to a state in which the feeling of guilt will accompany a person in any condition, because the consequence of this can be a severe disorder of the nervous system.

Whatever guilt you feel, you should not withdraw into yourself and look at life negatively. Your fault is a kind of "gift of fate." Thanks to him, you will know your purpose, understand your essence, gain peace of mind, protect yourself from negative-minded people. But most importantly, you will see the world with different eyes, where there are many bright moments and a huge number of truly happy people, among whom you can only get through some kind of test!

Working with guilt

People can experience a similar feeling during the work process. It may be due to the following reasons:

• Lack of proper experience and the ability or desire to get it;
• Low efficiency;
• Character traits that do not allow you to work productively throughout the entire working period;
• Failure to meet goals or promises made.

For an adult, such a circumstance may be associated with fatigue or lack of free time.

How to deal with feelings of guilt? First of all, it is worth identifying and eradicating the reasons that can cause a similar effect. Experts suggest performing three main steps:

1. Analysis of the current situation;
2. Awareness of guilt and weighing the possible consequences;
3. Repentance and the search for a way out of the current situation.

Such a scheme can be useful not only for the work process, but also for everyday life, in which a similar feeling can also arise.

Possible diseases

In addition to psychological and emotional discomfort, the emergence of feelings of guilt and shame can be accompanied by some diseases. This is especially possible in the case of an unjustified appearance of this feeling and its persistence for a long time. Most often these are disorders of the nervous system and malfunctions in its work. Such consequences can trigger the mechanism for the development of a number of diseases, which may be far-fetched or real.

What diseases cause constant feelings of guilt? This can be a disruption of psycho-protective mechanisms, excessive impressionability, decreased physical and mental activity, malfunctioning of the immune system, neurotic conditions, neuroses, depression, and sometimes the development of diseases of internal organs. Such consequences are possible due to the high degree of importance of the nervous system for the human body, especially in childhood, when all body systems are being formed and the general development of the child.

Vadim Zeland: the concept of guilt

According to the famous specialist Vadim Zeland, there is always punishment behind the feeling of guilt, which is logical. At the same time, it is important to prevent the development of this feeling on a regular basis - otherwise manipulators may appear, and then life will turn into a constant escape from guilt.

Courage and power go hand in hand with guilt. Not everyone is ready to confess their guilt - this is a trait of a brave and courageous person. But repentance is a sign of obedience, because when we talk about our guilt, we subconsciously prepare ourselves for punishment. The surest way to get rid of such a feeling is repentance and a request for forgiveness, which leads to the restoration of a person's mental balance, harmony and tranquility.

Feelings of guilt in Orthodoxy

For Orthodox people, it is important to remember the need for repentance, which makes it possible to purify a person's soul. Confession, traditional for believers, is necessary to gain purity and tranquility of the human soul.
But it is important to remember that such a ceremony will be effective only in the case of sincerity and purity of intentions, otherwise the confession will not make sense.
Before confession, it is important for a person to be sure that they will understand him, accept his sins and provide an opportunity for spiritual cleansing. At the same time, it is not always possible to get rid of the feeling of guilt - only complete and sincere repentance and a request for forgiveness can help in getting rid of shame and guilt for their actions.
Likewise, confession is not a guarantee that the feeling of guilt will not reappear and a person will become infallible. It is important to realize the value of your own and others' actions, remember about mutual respect, decency and trust.

Training - as one of the ways to get rid of the state of guilt

In addition to theoretical advice to get rid of such a feeling, psychologists offer the opportunity to participate in training that helps to understand the peculiarities of the subtle psychological organization of the human body. Such trainings can take the form of conversations or practical exercises, which allows participants to listen to each other and build a projection of their perception of guilt using the example of typical situations. The doctor selects topics and materials for practical exercises taking into account the characteristics of the psychological state of patients - this allows him to consider specific examples of dealing with feelings of guilt.

Guilt-freeing training can be conducted by a small team, or it can be individual. The effectiveness of such exercises is high - the doctor helps the patient to consider all aspects of such a feeling - its origin, development, causes and possible consequences. Often, as a result of training, a scheme for getting rid of persistent and unjustified feelings of guilt or shame can be developed for the patient, and practical examples allow you to look at such a situation from the outside. The cost of such trainings varies. Group groups are cheaper, individual ones are more expensive. The best way is to get an online consultation from a professional psychologist.

At the end, we invite you to watch a small video by professional psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, which tells about the reasons and practices for getting rid of the obsessive sense of guilt:

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Feelings of guilt are an indicator that we did something wrong. But if you feel guilty after correcting your mistake or in general for other people's actions, then most likely you are suffering from unhealthy feelings of guilt.

site offers to deal with this problem.

How do you know if your guilt is unhealthy?

• You feel guilty almost every day.
• You often ask for forgiveness.
• You feel guilty when someone else breaks the rules (talking on the phone at the cinema, being rude to the cashier, etc.).
• If someone says that your job is bad, you think that you yourself are bad.
• You are worried if they understood you correctly and what they thought of you.
• In response to criticism, you seek excuses and cannot answer directly.
• You always strive to “save the day,” even if you are not asked to.
• You hide a lot and do not talk, so as not to offend the person.

Why is there an unhealthy sense of guilt?

1. Raising parents

Parents often, without realizing it, instill this painful feeling in their children. For example, they say: "Because of you, I had to blush at the meeting!", "Because of your music, I got a headache!" Unfortunately, this is the most common reason that teaches a person to feel chronically guilty.

2. Perfectionism

As a child, we were praised for the A and the washed dishes, and scolded for torn jeans and a mess in the room. So it turns out that the installation is fixed in my head: if there is something wrong nearby, it means that I am wrong.

3. Hyperresponsibility

Everyone is responsible for their actions and attitude towards life - it's high time to understand. But if you feel responsible for the actions of your colleagues, relatives, or a bystander on the street, this is already abnormal.

Why is it difficult for us to get rid of our feelings of guilt?

How to get rid of unhealthy feelings of guilt?

1. Try it find reasons your unhealthy feeling. Remember if your parents criticized you, think about why you need to take first place all the time. Understand that these reasons no longer have any effect on you in real life.
2. Praise yourself... Take time each day to remember (or better write) your positive qualities and merits. If at work you spent the whole day communicating with a client, but he did not sign a contract, this is also a merit - you fulfilled your duties, besides, one more person will now know about your professional qualities.
3. Don't compare yourself to others.... Remember: you don't need to be better than someone else, you need to be better than you were in the past.
4. Stop saving all the "drowning", because you yourself risk falling out of the boat. Recognize that everyone is responsible for their own lives.
5. Speak openly what you like and what you don't like. Unhealthy guilt is unspoken aggression directed at oneself.
6. Try it write an official explanatory, why and for what you are guilty, what consequences it led to. Most likely, it will turn out to be illogical nonsense.
7. Don't get hung up on mistakes learn from them.
8. Don't try to please everyone. Be yourself.
9. remember, that mistakes are not a crime... Mistakes are a lack of knowledge and experience that you will accumulate over time. Remember the following truths:

• You are not to blame for the way your interlocutor reacts.... If he is angry with you, these are his feelings, and it is up to him to decide what to do with them.
• It's not your fault that you don't know something... We are not born with a ready-made set of knowledge and skills, we acquire them throughout life.
• It is not your fault that you are not able to do something.... You will learn everything if you want.
• You are not to blame for the behavior and actions of other people.... Don't let anyone sit on your neck.
• Your loved ones will not stop loving you... Love will not run away from one mistake.

Everything that prevents us from living - fear, envy, resentment, guilt, depression and much more - are undesirable manifestations of the properties of our psyche - vectors. Having learned to understand the structure of each of our vectors, we gain the ability to change our states for the better and cease to be helpless.

You are a man of conscience who will never go against it. Moreover, you cannot ignore injustice. And if you have to go through - because you are unable to change something - you feel bad about it.

An obsessive sense of guilt lives within you, and you don't know what to do about it. Whatever happens, whatever your fault, you cannot turn back time and do it differently. And if nothing can be returned, does this mean that you are doomed to eternal torn apart by remorse, which you seem to have much more teeth than other people?

Thoughts about this plunge into the abyss of hopelessness. You cannot fully enjoy life and move forward without understanding the psychology of guilt.

In this article, we will look at the mechanism of the emergence of feelings of guilt and learn how to align our state using the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. This knowledge of the human psyche allows us to see the reasons for what is happening to us, as clearly as if under a microscope. Everything that prevents us from living - fear, envy, resentment, guilt, depression and much more - are undesirable manifestations of the properties of our psyche - vectors. Having learned to understand the structure of each of our vectors, we gain the ability to change our states for the better and cease to be helpless.

Why does guilt arise?

Feelings of guilt and resentment are "two sides of the same coin." In other words, the feeling of guilt can annoy only those people in whose psychic there is an anal vector.

We, people with an anal vector, are people of conscience and responsibility, honor and justice.

Justice (in relation to oneself) is a key value for the bearer of the anal vector. In his feelings: everything should be equal. You can imagine justice in the form of the top edge of a square. A square with perfectly straight sides is a figure of psychological comfort for such people. If the lines are straight, the person is in balance, he feels good. But if there is an imbalance - in relation to him they acted unfairly (according to his subjective feelings) or he caused damage to someone - immediately, accordingly, an insult or a feeling of guilt appears. Both are painful.

How to get rid of guilt - psychology

To get rid of the feeling of guilt, you need to do everything to align this conditional line of justice in your feelings. For example, ask for forgiveness or, if everything is much more serious, do everything to fix the situation, or make up for the damage.

Example 1:

... It was raining that evening, the visibility on the road was very poor. Something flashed in front of the hood of the car, an instant hit, squeal of brakes ... A man lay in front of the car. Covered in blood. The pulse was palpable, but the blow was hardly compatible with life.

The injured pedestrian was in a coma for about three months. All this time the driver (let's call him Victor) was near him. He sold all his property, he was fired from his job (he held a leading position in the civil service), his wife left him. But he only asked the higher powers for one thing, sitting at the hospital bed - that the injured pedestrian survived. Not because he was afraid of imprisonment - he did not want to be the cause of the death of a person.

And one day the hit pedestrian came out of a coma. Victor helped him throughout the rehabilitation period. This driver and pedestrian still communicate today, and they are in a wonderful relationship.

How did Victor deal with his guilt? He did everything possible and impossible to atone for his guilt, he aligned the line of justice. His story commands respect from all his acquaintances. Does the downed passenger hide a grudge against him? Of course not. Unless his own mother would have cared for him as much as the man who hit him in a car.

Whatever mistakes we make, guilt can be a reason for doing good.

Even if life and health cannot be returned to a person, you can help his family or other people who are in trouble. Dedicate ourselves to saving lives, volunteering, or other activities that help align the line of justice in our feelings.

Inadequate Guilt - How to Get Rid of

It happens that you have not done anything wrong, but the feeling of guilt does not allow you to live in peace. For example, when you meet a homeless kitten on the street, you feel remorse because you cannot take it home (you have already sheltered two, and your loved ones will definitely not agree to the third). And then you live with a sense of guilt in front of this and other kittens, and maybe even people who could not be helped.

This heightened perception gives us a set of visual and anal vectors in our psychic.

Briefly about the reasons:

• Briefly about the reasons:

  Frustrations in the anal vector (lack of realization in the sexual plane or in the social field) lead to the fact that we, the owners of such properties, imperceptibly for ourselves begin to feel the desire to inflict pain, we break down on our loved ones. Sharp words to a husband, a slap on the head of a child lead to remorse (provided that we are developed and do not look for an excuse for ourselves), because we guess what harm we do to our loved ones. Especially for children.

By the way, you can learn how to get rid of this scenario at the free introductory training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan at a lecture on the anal vector.

We will forever remain people of conscience, people with a heightened sense of justice. But, having freed ourselves from inadequate, obsessive feelings of guilt, we can turn the feeling of guilt into a creative force that will push us to do good deeds.

There are no universal advice, since life situations, like the examples given in this article, are different for everyone. If we give one piece of advice for everyone, then it will sound like this: study how your psyche works, and you will learn how to get out of any life difficulties and situations. You can start getting to know yourself already at the free introductory online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, where feelings of guilt and resentment are examined in detail in one of the lessons.

Nothing can be changed, the past weighs heavily on the shoulders, constantly recalling mistakes. How to get rid of feelings of guilt and is it possible? How to get rid of painful memories?

"After the death of my mother, it became unbearable to live - the constant feeling of guilt overshadowed the meaning of future life."

“The feeling of resentment and guilt in front of my son that he grew up without a father, and I could not give him enough love and warmth, reminded of myself with a squeezing aching pain inside my whole being” ...

What is the psychology of guilt, why does this feeling arise? Let us answer with the help of the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

The psychology of guilt and resentment

There are people who do not develop feelings of resentment or guilt. They do not have a psychological basis for this. They don't need to know how to get rid of the guilt.

The feeling of resentment and guilt can arise only in people with the properties of the psyche, characteristic of the owners of the anal vector. Their values ​​are family, children, home, mother, loyalty. They are the ones who need to know how to get rid of such conditions.

These are people whose psyche is arranged in such a way as to remember the past in the smallest details and transfer the accumulated information into the future. This is necessary to preserve the experience accumulated by humanity in generations, preserve it and pass it on to the younger generation. But this very important property of the psyche fails in unfavorable situations in life, and a person remembers and accumulates other information - negative emotions, feelings of annoyance, unpleasant life situations, hostile relationships with people.

In such situations, everything related to life values ​​begins to bring not joy in life, but severe mental pain - resentment and guilt. They arise if the innate desire of the owner of the anal vector to balance receiving and giving is violated - everything should be equal. He did a good deed - he seeks to repay equally. If he has done a good deed for someone, he will unconsciously expect an equivalent answer.

How to get rid of the skew

A feeling of resentment arises if there is a bias - "not given". They lacked love at home, lacked respect at work, and did not properly appreciate his work. This is the reason for the resentment.

The feeling of a sense of guilt arises if the imbalance of the balance goes in the other direction: "I have not given it enough." Lack of love to his wife / husband, children, mother. Poorly, unprofessionally performed his job or assignment. He did not prove himself to be a good son / daughter, a better mother, a better specialist, a best friend ...

That is, the feeling of resentment and guilt is purely subjective internal sensations of a person with an anal vector, independent of others. They can move from one to another depending on the bias in which direction the person himself will feel internally. In this case, the question of how to get rid of resentment implies a parallel question - how to get rid of the feeling of guilt.

The feeling of resentment towards the mother, husband / wife, boss can be replaced by the feeling of guilt towards them in case of their loss - the mother died, the former boss was better than the new one. There may be a feeling of guilt before the dog, before "the most faithful and devoted friend."

Manipulating feelings of guilt and resentment

A person can not only feel guilt himself, but also cultivate this feeling in his environment. Circular manipulation can occur, where roles can periodically change.

Only the life scenario does not change: a person lives in the past - past grievances, past relationships. He is guilty before everyone himself, and everyone is guilty before him too. He does not live, but "drags" the body along the ground - a victim of his own resentment, anger and manipulation. And he can no longer understand how to get rid of this state.

Wines are a natural regulator. This feeling makes it possible to preserve the transfer of knowledge and skills in generations without distortion. It is like an indicator - if there is a slight feeling of guilt, it means that there is an opportunity to improve the quality of knowledge transfer, to treat mom, home, and children better.

The main thing is that there should be no bias. An excessive sense of one's own guilt is harmful - no need to focus on this feeling. It is necessary to learn to be aware of when and how to get rid of accentuation - from hyper-states.

There is no need to focus on children to the detriment of oneself, an emphasis on work to the detriment of preserving oneself. You need to save your life. Enjoy life, realizing your natural talents and properties to the maximum.

How to deal with feelings of guilt

With the understanding that the reasons for the feeling of guilt are inherent in the human psyche, it becomes obvious that it is impossible to eliminate the condition by any other means, no suggestions, except by the awareness of these reasons. It is necessary to learn to understand your psyche and the psyche of the people around you in order to discover for yourself an understanding of how to get rid of bad conditions.

Observation, concentration and awareness are the main tools for maintaining your psyche in a healthy state, which everyone needs to learn to use. Nature has neither resentment nor guilt in the human psyche. Therefore, the answer to the question of how to get rid of negative feelings must be sought in your perception.

Provided that the stages of development of the psyche in childhood are harmoniously passed and the realization of their talents and desires in later life, the feeling of guilt will never torment a person. Nature itself suggests how to overcome the state of guilt - first of all, to eliminate the consequences of negative effects on the psyche. And realize your natural desires.

Thousands of people have achieved this with the help of the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, found an answer to the question of how to get rid of a heavy feeling.

“… 1.I stopped feeling like a victim thanks to the training. I always felt myself always and in everything, always guilty, depressed, twitched by the victim, and in this state I attracted frustrated subjects to me. But at some point during the discussion with my husband there was a "click" and I suddenly opened and released almost from the ancient brain an ancient hostile thought: "I want to eat you", which is certainly not a victim's thought, but rather the opposite. Everything fell into place in my head. I stopped blaming myself because I felt the reason well. To be a victim? This is in the past, but now it is not.
2. I had a feeling of constant grief, grief, resentment, eternal guilt, suicidal thoughts, condemnation, self-criticism, emotional stress, in which I lived before the training, and it came to the point that I no longer noticed it, while others noticed. In the course of the training, having understood the reasons for what was what, I realized that a habit and a norm are not the same thing. Norm is a positive attitude, lightness and a sense of joy. The training helped to feel this positive, and I already want to constantly stay in this bright wave and develop new positive habits ... "

“… The training gave me the opportunity to participate in my life. Build her, love her. Now on any accusation more and more often I do not fall into a terrible feeling of guilt with an admixture of fear, but the thought appears: “Excuse me, why did you decide that? Let's double-check, and if everything is as you say, then we will definitely find a way to resolve everything. " And the funny thing is that, as a rule, accusations are groundless, it's just a person's attempt to relieve internal tension, in which I can also understand him. Think, think and think. The world is beautiful in its consistency ... "

Getting rid of guilt is possible

System-vector psychology helps to get rid of the feeling of guilt, shows how one can cope with psychosomatics - diseases that arise in a person against the background of a distorted psyche. You will understand how to get rid of the feeling of guilt, and it is transformed into a feeling of gratitude - for every day lived, for every manifestation of life, every manifestation of relationships with other people.

There will be only a feeling of regret that he did not possess this knowledge before.

Start a life without guilt. Register for the free online training by Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology" at the link.

The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan's online trainings "System-Vector Psychology"

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