Exercises for self-esteem and self-confidence. Exercises to improve self-esteem. Other words for shyness

SELF-ASSESSMENT TRAINING

TOPIC: "Improving self-esteem"

Target: contribute to the development of self-esteem, the development of the skill of confident behavior, self-knowledge, as well as the acquisition of the experience of speaking in front of an audience.

Time required : 1 h 40 m.

Training objectives:

to feel with absolute confidence in any situations;

understand how to deal with shyness and anxiety;

find out your real essence;

learn to open and be aware of your habits and outlook on life;

confidently maintain conversation and business negotiations;

easy to perform in front of a large crowd of people;

don't be afraid to take risks.

Introductory part - 25 minutes.

(Before the start of the training, the facilitator offers the participants tokens of different colors. In order to further divide into subgroups.)

Good day! I am very glad to see each of you!

Today I invite you to take part in the self-confidence building training.

During the training, we will try to learn how to increase self-esteem and work out the skills of confident behavior.

But before I start, I will introduce you to the training rules:

address only by name

we give everyone the opportunity to speak without interrupting

you can refuse to do the exercise only once during the training

the rule of "Activity" - we all say

And now we will get to know each other better.

Exercise number 1 "Mood »: each participant calls his name and comes up withan adjective starting with the same letter as his name. It's very important to saythe epithet that emphasizes the individuality of the participant. It is necessary to followto ensure that definitions are not repeated. The participant first calls the name andthe adjective of the participant who introduced himself to him, then his own .... etc.

And now I would like to listen with what mood, feelings did you come and what do you expect from today's training?

(Rank in a circle).

Information block (theory) - 5 min.

Introduction.

You can often hear: “Started! His self-esteem is too high! "

Or vice versa, a shy, shy person is credited with low self-esteem. And who of us does not have the complexes that follow us from childhood? And all of them are somehow connected with our self-esteem.

-So what is self-esteem?

- Can someone try to answer this question? (those who want to answer)

Self-esteem is Self-confidence - a person's experience of his capabilities, both adequate tasks that face him in life, and those that he sets himself. Self-confidence in any kind of activity takes place when a person's self-esteem corresponds to his real capabilities. If self-esteem is higher (lower) than real possibilities, there is correspondingly self-confidence (self-doubt). Self-confidence can also become a stable personality trait. Self-doubt and self-confidence are often associated with negative emotional experiences that disrupt the course of a person's mental development.

There should be a "golden mean" in everything.

Exercise number 2: " This is what I am "

Participants of the training receive napkins from the presenter (they can be of different colors).

Leading:

Each of you has a napkin in your hands.

Rip the napkin into as many pieces as you deem necessary.

Are you finished? Thanks.

Now listen to the rules of the game: each participant must tell about himself as many personality traits astorn pieces of it. Information can be either positive or negative. But only the one you see fit to say.

Questions:

Was it difficult for you to talk about yourself?

What was harder to say, good or bad?

Thanks.

Of course, talking about yourself is always more difficult than talking about others. Therefore, in order to be able to tell about ourselves, we must be able to adequately assess ourselves.

I propose to continue our training, which may help youconfidently carry on conversations and speak easily in front of a large crowd.

Leading:

I suggest that you divide into groups according to the color of the token that you chose at the beginning of our training.

Thanks.

Each group must now select a sheet, on the back of the sheet there is a drawing of the object. (candy, hat, bag). Do not show or name the item to another group!

Think about what you can say about the subject. For preparation 2-3 minutes.

Members of other groups, try to guess what it was about.

After all participants are ready to advertise, the group forms the auditorium, arranging chairs in a row or in a semicircle, and each subgroup in turn leaves and acts out his performance.

I think the group did a good job. Let's give a round of applause to the participants.

(The remaining 2 groups perform the task similarly).

(Rank in a circle).

Did you enjoy the exercise? Why?

What are the difficulties?

What was easier for you to cope with?

Which group do you think succeeded in promoting their subject more vividly?

I think everyone coped with the task in their own way. Let's applaud ourselves and each other.

Through the following exercise, you and I will help each other distinguish confident from insecure behavior and help develop self-confidence through role-playing.

Exercise number 4 "I am strong - I am weak"

And now each participant will take the hand of the neighbor on the right.

We broke up in pairs.

Stand in a circle, each opposite each other. The first participant in a pair extends his hand forward (both hands are allowed). The second participant in a pair tries to lower the partner's hand by pressing on it from above.

The first participant in a pair should try to keep his hand, while speaking loudly and decisively:"I'm strong" ... Now we repeat the same thing, but the first participant in the pair says:"I'm weak" , pronouncing it with the appropriate intonation, i.e. quietly, sadly. Try to swap.

Questions:

When was it easier for you to hold your hand: in the first case or in the second case?

Why do you think?

How did you feel while doing this exercise?

What influence did the phrases you utter “I am strong”, “I am weak” have on the task?

Thanks.

Exercise number 5 "Bad, good."

Before you are sheets of paper (according to the number of participants), the same number of pens, you can multi-colored.

Each of the participants signs their own sheet. And below it writes one of its own shortcomings.

Then he passes his sheet to the participants on the left.

Everyone writes in a circle on his sheet "but you ..." or "but you have ..." then some positive quality of this person: anything (you have very beautiful eyes, you are the best at telling jokes, etc.) ...

At the end of the task, each participant is returned to his sheet.

The participants then read what they have written about themselves.

(Rank in a circle).

How do you feel now?

Did your feelings change during the exercise?

Which of the stages of the exercise seemed the most difficult for you?

Exercise number 6 "I am radiant"

Participants of the training take turns up on the table (chair), so that they are much higher than the group.

All participants, standing below, raise their hands up and exclaim, as emotionally as possible, "Oh, radiant !!!".

Participants take turns changing places. The exercise is repeated until the whole group has taken part.

(Rank in a circle).

Questions:

Has your self-image changed?

And now, I propose to just relax and play, thereby approaching the end of our training. (the game)

Reflection:

What experience did you get for yourself at this training today?

What new have you learned about yourself?

What conclusions have you drawn for yourself?

Self-confidence is a positive and key personality trait that does not come about by itself. It must be nurtured and cultivated tirelessly. Here are 7 Confidence Boosting Exercises! The key to success is the regularity of practice, so the proposed exercises should be performed with periodic repetitions.

Exercise 1. Affirmations

Affirmation is a short, capacious positive statement that helps a person's mind to tune in to a good mood. They are always written and pronounced in the present tense. Make a small list of affirmations for yourself: 3 to 10 sayings. Don't go after quantity, quality is more important. Repeat your affirmations from time to time. A few examples: “I always believe in myself”; “My confidence is unlimited”; "I completely and completely trust myself."

A very important note on writing an affirmation: it must sound in your words, be expressed in your language; should evoke emotions in you. Don't try to use off-the-shelf affirmations, or groom your own to make them look like the model. They will work for you if you put a piece of yourself into them!

Exercise 2. State of Confidence

Remember the episode from your life when you were at the peak of self-confidence, believed in yourself like never before! It doesn't matter what exactly caused the confidence, how long ago it happened! Recall as many details as possible, what the situation was, what emotions you experienced, what sensations. Transfer these sensations to the present moment, enjoy and nourish them. Feel your confidence again! It is advisable to perform the exercise at least once a week.

Exercise 3. "Beam of Confidence"

This exercise will require some imagination. Relax, breathe smoothly and deeply for a minute or two. Imagine a beam that fills you with confidence. The beam can be of any color, it can sparkle. Imagine him filling you from head to toe, filling your entire body, your entire being with confidence. Breathe and at the same time be filled with the confidence that this ray gives. Stay in this state for 3-4 minutes. Each time, the exercise should be slightly extended until it reaches 10-15 minutes. If you feel discomfort, this is a signal to complete the exercise.

Exercise 4: The Confidence Walk

Body-Oriented Therapy Exercise. It is best to perform to pleasant music without words! First of all, tune in to the music, feel your body, take a deep breath. Start moving around the room, make the movements that you think are necessary (spin, jump, make passes with your hands, etc.). And then the exercise itself begins. And it consists of two parts! First, imagine yourself as a completely insecure person. Bend over, feel yourself crushed to the ground ... Walk like this for 3 - 5 minutes. Listen to your feelings. Feel as if confidence has completely left you ... Second part of the exercise: reincarnation. If the exercise is done with music, this part is performed with a different track, preferably more positive, more enjoyable for you. Now, on the contrary, feel the confidence fill you, how you become more confident and cheerful. Straighten your back, straighten your shoulders, walk with your head held high. The steps are large and confident. Breathing is free. Move one track in this state.

Exercise 5. "Image of Confidence"

This exercise is from art therapy. Imagine what your confidence looks like, in the form of what image. It can be an inanimate object, an animal, a plant, a person, a magical creature ... In a word, anything! Transfer the image of confidence to paper. Draw it in as much detail as possible. There are no restrictions here. Your artistic skills don't matter. The main thing is to draw what you feel, you see. There is no need to analyze the drawing. The purpose of the exercise is in the process itself. Then you can admire your creation, observe your emotions and physical sensations.

Exercise 6. "Breathing with confidence"

The exercise can be performed with both eyes closed and open. Make yourself as comfortable as possible and relax. Imagine that confidence is around you, that the air is filled with confidence. Breathe smoothly and deeply, imagine that with each breath you are filled with confidence, you feel yourself an increasingly confident person. And with each exhalation, doubts, reproaches and reproaches to yourself disappear from you. Imagine how everything bad and negative leaves you with exhalation. The exercise is performed for 3 to 5 minutes. Like the Beam of Confidence exercise, you can lengthen it a little each time. Minutes up to 10-15. Be sure to track your emotions and physical sensations!

Exercise 7. "Awareness of your positive qualities, talents and achievements"

You will need a pencil and a piece of paper. Purpose of the exercise: To increase self-confidence based on an understanding of your potential. Give yourself some time to exercise so you don't get stuck. Let's say 15 minutes.

Divide the sheet into 3 columns. The first column: "My positive qualities." The second column: "In what can I show myself well." Third column: "My achievements".

Accordingly, in the first column, list those qualities of your character that you like, that you are proud of, the presence of which is pleasant to be aware of. In the second column, write the areas of life in which you could do well; show your talents and abilities. For example, dancing, science, blogging on the Internet ... Well, in the third column, write down your achievements that you already have and are proud of.

It is advisable to repeat this exercise and redo it from time to time. Don't be surprised if the content of the bars changes and expands.

Happy exercise!

Alexandra Bicheva
Training for teenage children "Confident behavior"

The development of self-confidence begins with the elimination of the demon called fear; this demon sits on a man's shoulder and whispers to him "You can't do it"

Goals:

Creating a trusting atmosphere in the group

Build a confident behavior

Coaching Confident Behavior in Public Speaking Situations

LESSON PROCESS:

Exercise "Greetings without words"

Description of the exercise: Participants are invited to move freely around the room for 2-3 minutes and have time to greet as many people as possible during this time. This should be done without uttering a word, but by any other means: a nod of the head, a handshake, a hug, etc. At the same time, the participant has the right to use each method only once; for each next greeting, a new method must be invented.

The psychological meaning of the exercise is acquaintance, liberation, rallying of the participants.

Discussion: How many people did you manage to greet? What was more difficult - coming up with new ways of greeting or demonstrating them, what is the reason? Perhaps someone was experiencing psychological discomfort. If so, at what moments, what is it caused by?

Exercise "Walking"

Purpose: to teach a method of self-regulation of emotional states through the control of their external manifestations. Developing confidence in your actions. Development of observation, as well as the ability to externally express emotional states and understand their expression in others.

Time: 15 minutes.

Instruction. Participants are asked to select an emotion or psychological state that they would like to demonstrate and walk in front of the group in such a way that they can guess from the gait what it is expressing. Each is given 3-4 attempts, in which it is necessary to express a different state. Participants take turns, and those of them who are not currently involved in the show are in the role of spectators. Their task is to guess what the gait is demonstrating.

As an example and warm-up, you can ask everyone to demonstrate together such gait options as: confident, shy, aggressive, joyful, offended.

Discussion: What exactly should you pay attention to in your gait in order to understand what it represents? How did the psychological state of the participants change when they showed different variants of gait? Most likely, it really began to approach what was shown. Where and how can we use this method of self-regulation - externally demonstrate the states that we want to cause in ourselves? What qualities of creative thinking are trained with this exercise?

Exercise "Move one by one"

Description of the exercise: Participants are asked to randomly position themselves in space, after even they, at the command of the leader, begin to move, adhering to the following rules:

Only one person can move at a time. If two or more participants began to move at the same time, the exercise is considered unfulfilled and starts over.

Any participant can be in motion for no more than 5 seconds in a row, then must stop.

Moments when no one is moving can also be no more than 5 seconds. If during this period of time no one starts to move, it is considered a loss and the exercise starts over.

Participants should work, without breaking these rules, for at least 2 minutes. It is impossible to negotiate during the exercise.

The psychological meaning of the exercise: Training decisiveness, the ability to take responsibility even with a lack of information for this, in situations where a mistake creates the risk of losing the team, and if no one takes responsibility, loss is guaranteed. That is, like in football, when several players can potentially attack the goal, but no one does this, fearing to miss, and as a result, the ball goes to the opponents. In addition, the exercise promotes the development of mutual understanding and observation.

Discussion: What were the participants guided by when they made the decision to start the movement? In this connection, some people were ready to take responsibility and act actively, and some (there are such people in almost any group) took a passive position and did not move at all? When situations like this exercise arise in life, in which taking responsibility and taking action creates the risk of failure (and if no one takes responsibility, loss is guaranteed?

Exercise "Frozen":

All participants sit in a circle and try to be motionless, as if they portray "frozen" people who have no emotions, they should not react to anything around, but at the same time it is forbidden to avert or close their eyes, participants are required to look only forward. Then, the leader comes out to the center of the circle. His task is to try to "unfreeze" any player with the help of his own gestures, expressions and facial expressions. For example, to evoke any emotions in the participants: a response, facial expressions, any body movement.

The presenter is allowed to do this in absolutely any way, excluding only physical touching the other players and speaking obscene and offensive language towards them. Whoever went through the "defrosting", that is, allowed any movement and facial expressions, rises and goes to the center of the circle. Now he is with the leader in the same team, and together they are trying to activate the rest of the participants. All subsequent eliminated players also join them. The winner is the participant who manages to remain unperturbed for a long time.

The meaning of this exercise is to train the ability of emotional fortitude, self-regulation, the ability to control your own emotions even when other people try to interfere with them.

This is followed by a discussion of the exercise. The following questions are asked to the winners. How could they not react to events? What methods did the winners use to isolate themselves from the rest of the participants? And how can such an ability be useful in life?

Exercise "Running with a pencil":

Description of the exercise: Participants are paired. Each pair will need a pencil (you can also use a cap-sealable felt-tip pen or a retractable fountain pen). Couples stand near one of the walls of the room and each raise their own pencil, holding it between the index fingers of the partners' right hands. At the command of the presenter, they begin to move to the opposite wall of the room, and then back, continuing to hold the pencil between their fingers. Who drops it out of the game. The winner is the couple who covered the distance the fastest. You can modify the exercise: clamp two pencils at the same time (one between the index fingers of the right hand and the other between the left hand, run along complex trajectories, in threes, organize a relay race.

The psychological meaning of the exercise: The exercise teaches you to coordinate your actions with your partner, as well as to take the initiative, to lead these actions (if in a couple no one takes a leading role, she loses).

Discussion: What qualities are most important for the successful completion of this exercise? What contributed to its implementation, and what, on the contrary, hindered it?

Participants share their opinions on what role it was more interesting to be in and why. Then they exchange impressions that arose during the game, as well as ideas about what qualities it develops and where they are in demand.

The exercise "Customs":

Unfortunately, the description takes up a lot of space and exceeds the limit for this entry. This exercise can be found in any source and is very common.

Exercise "Balls in the air":

Description of the exercise: To play, you will need to inflate 10-15 rubber balls. Participants unite in 2-3 teams and stand in circles, holding hands. Each team receives 5 balls. You need to keep them in the air for 5 minutes. At the same time, you cannot just put them on something or squeeze them between bodies, they must fly in the air all the time. The dropped balls must not be lifted. The team that manages to keep the most balls wins.

The psychological meaning of the exercise

Warm-up, training in coordinating joint actions, confident behavior in a situation of the need for an adequate response to rapidly changing conditions.

Discussion: What qualities do participants need to demonstrate in order to successfully cope with such a task?

Exercise "The wolf and the seven kids":

Exercise Description

The game is based on the story of the folk tale of the same name. SORRY, AND THIS GAME DOESN'T WORK, DUE TO LACK OF LETTER SYMBOLS. PLEASE FIND YOURSELF.

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES, STRESS RELIEF:

Concluding the presentation of the training program, we present a description of several relaxation techniques aimed at relieving psycho-emotional stress. Mastering them is important for learning self-regulation of emotional states. In addition, many of these techniques can be used directly in difficult life situations. Nevertheless, we did not find it expedient to determine a specific place for such techniques in training sessions, since the expediency of their use at one time or another is determined not so much by the general logic of constructing a training program from the content point of view, but by the current state of the group.

Exercise "Listen to the silence"

The exercise is carried out in a quiet place, where only quiet sounds can be heard from the outside.

Participants are instructed as follows: “Sit comfortably, relax, close your eyes. And just listen to what's going on around you. Pay attention to any sounds, even the quietest ones. Let's start listening. ”This is given a minute and a half. Then each one tells what sounds he managed to hear. When you are restless, anxious, you can't relax, you can just close your eyes and listen carefully to what is happening around. Your attention will shift from the subject of concern to what you hear. And you will feel how great, diverse and interesting the world around us is. "

Exercise "The Loser's Ten Commandments":

Purpose: Awareness of the processes of formation of a sense of confidence and uncertainty.

Instructions: Divide into subgroups of 4-5 people. Each subgroup receives a card (or two, depending on the total number of students) with the loser's commandments. You need to reformulate them and receive instructions on "How to Become Confident." Each subgroup presents its own options.

The need to improve self-esteem is a contemporary problem that many people struggle with. Why is it that sooner or later everyone asks the question of which training to go to or which exercises to perform in order to increase their self-esteem? Psychologists refer to the peculiarities of raising children who are forced to live with unhappy, angry and dissatisfied parents, so their development becomes unhealthy and distorted. One of the ways to increase self-esteem can be auto-training.

What is self-esteem and why improve it? Self-assessment by an online magazine site is a person's assessment of himself:

1. "What am I capable of?"
2. "What qualities do I have?"
3. "How good / bad am I?"
4. "What kind of person am I in relation to other people?"
5. "What goals can I achieve?"
6. "What do I wish for myself?"
7. "What am I worthy?"

As you can see, it affects what kind of life a person lives, what goals he sets and achieves, how he positions himself in society and in life in general. Does the person consider themselves a failure or normal? What does he do in a situation when something did not work out for him - does he criticize himself, regret it, or picks it up in order to rectify the situation? It all depends on the self-esteem that the person possesses. And self-esteem is an assessment that a person puts to himself, depending on how he perceives himself and relates to himself.

Why boost your self-esteem? This is necessary so that a person has a chance to live happier and more successfully than he is doing now. After all, the higher the self-esteem, the more daring the goals become that a person is ready to achieve and is sure that he will achieve what he wants. A person with low self-esteem is content with little. And an individual with high self-esteem strives for success in all areas of life. Of course, self-esteem does not affect whether a person will achieve his goals, since everything here depends on actions and their correct application. However, self-esteem helps not to lose heart and to believe in yourself, that is, to have self-confidence, especially in situations where failures occur.

What is self-esteem boosting?

Increasing self-esteem is a process during which a person reveals his own potential for himself and begins to use it. Self-esteem is formed from childhood. A person is not able to control this process, because he is under the influence of his parents. If parents themselves have low self-esteem, unhappy, poor and miserable, then most likely they will form the same self-esteem in their children. Low self-esteem can also be formed in the family of authoritarian parents, where children should not have their own opinions, desires and should not do anything without their consent and permission.

As a result, a person with low self-esteem grows up. He constantly dreams of something, but does not achieve it, because he does not believe that he can achieve something. He would like to have a high-paying job, but he does not learn the necessary skills, because he is used to achieving nothing. A person cannot even think that he is capable of something that has been going on since childhood.

Each person has potential - these are opportunities, readiness, strength, determination, etc. A person with low self-esteem often does not notice what potential he has, what heights he can reach. Even if he sees that he can go to a lot, he is often frightened of this and tries to ignore it, so that his insight does not force him to confirm the presence of such a huge potential. Thus, low self-esteem makes you not notice or constantly lower your own capabilities, which could help a person reach great heights.

What is self-esteem based on? On the beliefs that a person possesses. To increase it, you need to start by changing beliefs, which are often laid down by parents in childhood. Often these beliefs are laid by the society with which a person is constantly in contact. Self-esteem can also decrease after failures, when a person says to himself that he is a failure and is not able to do anything normally.

In other words, you need to learn to look at yourself in a new way. And sometimes it is enough to soberly assess your personality and see your own potential in real light, so that self-esteem naturally jumped and prompted everyone to reach greater heights than they currently have.

Self-esteem training

To improve self-esteem, you can turn to the various trainings that are offered today. There are a lot of them, since there are more people with low self-esteem than everyone else. We can say that people with adequate self-esteem make up 5%, people with high self-esteem - about 25-30%, and all the rest are people with low self-esteem.

Moreover, overestimated self-esteem often drops to almost zero. Inflated self-esteem is possessed by adolescents who think that they are capable of anything, they will succeed, they set unrealistic goals. However, in the process of facing various situations and the lack of their solution, self-esteem decreases. In rare cases, it becomes adequate. Often people begin to criticize and humiliate themselves for any failures, stop believing in themselves, which contributes to a decrease in self-esteem.

Self-esteem is how a person evaluates himself and how he perceives the opportunities he has. The higher self-esteem, the more omnipotent a person considers himself to be:

1. Adequate self-esteem: “I set realistic and achievable goals. I have certain resources and opportunities to achieve them. If I don’t know something or I don’t know how, then I’ll learn. If I come across a problem, I will try to fix it. I have set just such a goal that can be achieved in real life conditions. "
2. : “I am constantly dreaming about something, but I cannot achieve it. As soon as I take on something, it immediately collapses, various difficulties and problems begin to arise. As soon as I start doing, problems immediately appear. It unsettles me. I can give up everything, which is much better than sweating and trying and getting nothing in the end. "
3. : “I know what I want. I deserve only the best - all riches, love and universal respect. If someone doesn't like something, let it go in all four directions. And I know everything and I can, I will definitely succeed. If problems suddenly arise, I will force the perpetrators to eliminate them, because I am always right. "

They say that it is better to have an overestimated self-esteem than an underestimated one, since at least with such a worldview one can at least achieve something. However, it should be understood that overestimated self-esteem often becomes underestimated, as well as vice versa. A person will never feel calm and stable.

Self-esteem training is aimed at teaching a person to assess himself adequately. You need to be able to program your subconscious mind for success. It is necessary not to respond to negative criticism and assessments of others, who will always be dissatisfied with something and condemn others. The only evaluator to be guided by should be the person who knows himself best.

Thanks to trainings, a person understands that self-love is normal. After all, self-esteem goes down when a person tries not to love himself, so as not to be selfish in the eyes of others. Learn to love yourself, see your talents and opportunities that you can use for your own good.

Self-training to improve self-esteem

Everything that a person thinks about himself is his self-esteem. Low self-esteem makes a person think badly of himself: “I can’t,” “I’m a loser,” “I will never succeed,” etc. Self-esteem is the thoughts that you think about yourself when you evaluate your character, personality , actions and achievements. That is why auto-training is offered to increase self-esteem - positive thoughts-affirmations that a person says several times a day in order to tune himself in the right way.

A person is already doing auto-training every day, when he says what he is in a given situation. What does a person say: “This is me a loser” or “everything is fine, I will fix it” when he makes a mistake and faces a failure? What does a person think: “I’d better not do anything so that there are no reasons for criticism” or “this is my life, as I want, I do it, even if others don’t like it”?

Every day a person says something to himself, and this is how he programs his self-esteem. Often this process is not monitored. If you have low self-esteem, then your automatic thoughts are forming it. They need to be changed, which will require a conscious approach.

You can come up with various short expressions of a positive nature that you will pronounce to yourself in different situations. Try to keep track of them so that you start saying them every time you feel anger or fail again. You can just set aside 10-15 minutes of time every day to speak good expressions about yourself.

Auto-training promotes:

• Reducing emotional and physical stress.
• Relief of fatigue.
• Sleep normalization.
• Restoration of strength and efficiency.
• Facilitate adaptation to society.
• Enhanced attention and composure.
• Improving self-esteem and self-awareness.

Improving women's self-esteem

Women are more prone to the formation of low self-esteem due to the fact that they depend on the surrounding opinion and their own external attractiveness. If a woman does not see admiring glances at herself, then she fades. If she constantly hears criticism in her address, then she becomes defenseless.

To improve women's self-esteem, you need to follow the following rules:

1. Ignore the opinions of other people, become the only person who is allowed to evaluate you.
2. Do not make self-esteem dependent on your appearance (or improve your appearance so that your self-esteem increases).
3. Surround yourself with people who do not humiliate or offend you. You do not have to communicate with those who do not respect or appreciate you.
4. Love yourself for who you are. Do not ignore the drawbacks and do not be ashamed of their presence. They make you unique. If you want to change something in yourself, then change it, but of your own free will, and not because someone wanted it.
5. Emphasize your strengths and strengths. You definitely have them, even if you don't notice them. Think more about what is good in you than about what flaws you and other people are outraged.

If you want to correct something in yourself, then correct it. But what exactly you will correct should be your desire, and not the opinion of other people.

Improving teen self-esteem

For the first time, adolescents begin to feel their own low self-esteem, when they cannot establish a common language with their peers, solve all their problems in their studies, and achieve their desired goals. All this is expressed in the form of ostentatious fun, deepest depression or aggressiveness. Lowered self-esteem is the result of inappropriate parenting.

It is they who should help the teenager to increase it:

• Stop constantly punishing and scolding. You need to say less negative things about your teenager.
• Stop restricting the child in everything. Give him some freedom of thought, decision and action.
• Communicate more often on a friendly note. Communicate with the child as with a friend, and not with the goal of giving a few regular lectures.
• Start asking your teen for advice. Show him respect by taking an interest and taking into account his opinion.
• Emphasize your strengths and strengths often.

How can you ultimately improve your self-esteem?

Low self-esteem becomes when a person is afraid to love himself, take care of himself and do something for his own good. Self-esteem can be improved by doing the opposite of what is normal. Start thinking well of yourself, give yourself joy, see your positive qualities and do not be afraid of shortcomings. Start to decide for yourself what kind of person to be and how to relate to those qualities and actions that are inherent in you. Don't let other people's opinions influence your opinion of yourself.

Masha Kovalchuk

00:00 4.11.2015

Self-doubt, oppressive guilt and self-criticism sometimes become too heavy a burden ... How to get rid of this burden and believe in your uniqueness?

Analyze your experience, forgive yourself for imperfection, pacify your inner "policeman" - and find at least five talents in yourself!

You are fat. Clumsy. Silly. Sluggish. You don’t know anything and you don’t know how. In general, you are a failure ... This list of accusations is just a small fraction of what we regularly tell ourselves.

Moreover, blaming ourselves for all sins, we create a negative program for the future ... Ask yourself, when was the last time you thought about your good sides and merits?

And if it turns out that it was on the last birthday - after congratulatory speeches from relatives and friends, this article is just for you. It's time to acknowledge your strengths and try to use the strengths of your nature on a daily basis. If only because it helps to live!

Ordered to punish

On one of the women's sites I came across a fairly typical story ... self-flagellation. The woman said that from an early age she suffered greatly due to the fact that she was less slender than her friends. To force herself to exercise and follow a diet, she came up with a kind of auto-training. In the evening, falling asleep, the girl inspired herself: "I am fat, I am very fat, I urgently need to lose weight!" And what? The result was exactly the opposite of what she had hoped for. Exercise (two waves of arms and legs) smoothly flowed into breakfast (three buns with chocolate butter) - the waist grew in breadth, and the mood worsened with each cake eaten. Why?

Negatively assessing herself, she set in motion a chain of thoughts: "Since I am so fat, there is nothing to help - I will eat and suffer", thereby cutting off her path to losing weight and accepting myself.

With an extra portion of sweets, she punished her body for not losing weight. And she got better even more. Such is the vicious circle. Anything can be used as punishment: accusatory speeches addressed to you ("You are not capable of anything!", "Serves you right, stupid!" yourself (this often manifests itself in adolescents who can start cutting their hands with a razor, piercing several holes in their ears), creating unreasonable prohibitions, causing mental pain. And if you, too, sin by self-criticism, if such thoughts are not alien to you, know that the root of most problems is in childhood. Let's go in search?

Originally from childhood

From an early age, we focus on the approval of friends and adults (parents, teachers). They are far from always able to discern the talents hidden in us. The father of actor Robin Williams ("Mrs. Doubtfire," "Jumanji"), for example, first hired his son to study political science, and when he flew out of college with a bang, he advised him to learn to be a welder: he sincerely believed that the child was not capable of anything else. And an ugly girl named Barbra Streisand was discouraged by everyone from striving to become an actress - in this awkward ugly girl it was simply impossible to discern the future movie and pop star.

The dependence on the assessment of the people who matter to us often plays a cruel joke with us. A caustic phrase, a remark thrown out of place, an incorrect assessment or an accidental incident firmly settle in our memory and eventually turn into a core on which we reel our complexes.

"I am 34 years old, but I still smile, tightly clenching my lips. And all because in childhood one of my teeth grew a little crookedly, and my mother did not hesitate to tell others about this problem, saying:" Dotsya, show me! " recalls Natalya, a doctor. - I made myself even teeth long ago, but I can't smile broadly. "

“I can't perform in front of a large audience: I get lost, I forget the words. Although in my school years I often conducted KVNs, played on stage,” says 40-year-old Vitaly, manager. “The reason for this is one incident that happened to me in the 8th grade Together with a classmate, we were leading some kind of school event, and then I accidentally overheard the teachers talking: "Why is Vitalik let out on the stage, he's bursting!" Since then, I can't get over myself.

Alas, the reasons for our complexes do not always "float" on the surface of consciousness. Adepts of psychoanalysis assure that you can only cope with negative self-esteem and unconscious feelings of guilt by digging well into your past. And if a person manages to find an event that caused painful experiences, he will be able, by scrolling it over and understanding it in a new way, forgive himself, stop punishing, thus getting rid of negative feelings towards himself.

It is clear that no one will immediately run into the psychoanalyst's chair (unless self-criticism interferes with life and leads to constant failures). You can help yourself using the free association method. It is necessary to pronounce aloud all the memories and thoughts that come to mind at the moment - without restrictions. Events that have long been forgotten will begin to resurrect in your memory, you will suddenly be able to express the feelings that you have accumulated in yourself (old grievances, hidden desires) - and something will surely shed light on today's self-esteem. What seemed like a catastrophe in childhood, you will overestimate from the height of your life experience and see what a trifle it really is! And when you feel free, you can finally concentrate on the positive.

You can get rid of painful thoughts about your imperfection with the help of such a simple exercise. For example, if you think you're stupid, ask yourself four simple questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Do you know this for sure? (If you are stupid, then, probably, at school you had a lot of "bad luck", you write illiterately, you cannot really do anything. Or do you succeed in something?)
3. How do you react when you believe this thought? (Think about how you behave when you think you are stupid - for example, you are embarrassed to express your thoughts out loud.)
4. What would you be if you knew it wasn't true? (Surely you would not be afraid to defend your position in an argument, be more self-confident, start consciously building your career, or go to college.)

Then formulate a statement that is opposite in meaning: "I am smart!" Find three examples from your life that support this idea. For example, you wrote excellent essays at school, read a clever book and understood it, or you know by heart the names of all the capitals of the world ... At the end of this exercise, you will notice an amazing thing: the thought that weighed you just ... disappeared!

Recognize your uniqueness

My friend bought herself a stunning fur coat. For a long time she proved to her husband that she needed just such, argued and even burst into tears, seeking sympathy. It seemed to her that, having put on this fur splendor, she would immediately become a solid and self-confident lady. At work she will begin to be respected, children - to obey, husband - to appreciate more ... But this did not happen - on the contrary, in a heavy fur coat up to her heels, she seemed to herself clumsy and awkward.

Colleagues quietly chuckled behind their backs, and the son said with the frankness typical of teenagers: "Mom, you are in it like a cow on ice!" This often happens: instead of "treating" internal complexes, we try to disguise them. We spend so much time, effort and money on improving our appearance, while internal restructuring would probably bring much more benefit! I asked a friend: "I wonder what would have changed in your life if you really loved yourself?" She thought for a moment, and then uncertainly said: "Well, probably, I would always have a good mood ..."

And this is already a lot! A positive-minded person lives life with pleasure, his company is always pleasant to those around him. But besides that, he kind of attracts good luck, because this wayward young lady prefers optimists! Falling in love with yourself is very simple: you need to evaluate your merits and recognize your own uniqueness and originality. Those who know their best qualities achieve a lot! Cross-cultural studies by Donald Clifton and Edward Anderson have shown that knowing your strengths and the ability to apply them bring solid personal dividends. For example, it helps to see better prospects, develops optimism and self-confidence.

Which, in turn, awakens energy and increases vitality, helping to achieve the set goals. By recognizing your own worth, you feel satisfaction from your appearance and actions. Scientists have proven that a person who has a positive attitude towards himself is less likely to get sick: his body's resistance increases, there are no ailments provoked by depression (gastritis, stomach ulcers, headaches and heart pains).

Be able to forgive yourself

Chekhov has a wonderful story - "The Death of an Official". His hero, a petty employee Chervyakov, while in the theater, accidentally sneezed on the bald head of the spectator sitting in front. The poor fellow was so worried about a complete oversight that, returning home, "lay down on the sofa and ... died." By the way, the same spectator sitting in front did not attach any importance to this unfortunate sneeze! Sometimes those around you do not notice the mistake you have made, without even realizing that the guilt for the misunderstanding is pursuing you and gnawing from the inside.

This often happens: an accidentally overturned cup of tea at a friend's house ("God, how clumsy I am!") Or an out of place phrase ("I am a real fool!") Grows in our imagination into a gigantic problem and provokes the emergence of complexes.

Be able to forgive yourself for minor flaws, because there are no ideal people!

If the memory of your own awkwardness haunts you, take a few minutes to do this exercise:

1. Stand up straight, calm down and relax.
2. Take the "skater position": the left leg is half bent in a deep forward lunge, the right leg is raised to 45 and extended forward. The left arm is extended back and raised 450, the right is extended forward. Pay attention to the fact that both feet should "look" forward.
3. Turn your head to your outstretched right hand, look up, close your eyes and stretch yourself well.
4. As you stand in this position, think of something you regret, feel ashamed of, or feel guilty about. Take a deep breath and focus on feeling forgiven yourself. Hold your breath and hold for 5 to 10 seconds.
5. Repeat the same, changing the position of the legs and arms. Do this exercise 2-3 times.

But what if we are talking not about a minute episode, but about an event for which you are still ashamed, for which you blame yourself even after a while?

Try to transform remorse into calm reflections on the topic: "Can I change something? Is there a chance to correct the mistake and how to do it?"

Sometimes even the banal "sorry" to the one whom you unwittingly offended will ease your soul. And if nothing can be done, take what happened as an experience: but now you know what can be avoided the next time in a similar situation. Let go of the blame - and forgive yourself!

Love yourself for who you are!

Step 1. Stop measuring your abilities by other people's standards. Tell yourself: I am what I am, there can be no complete coincidence between me and other people, because I am unique!

Step 2. Create your own gallery of success. Start a ceremonial album for the best photos, record your own achievements, good sides and good luck: at one glance at this collection, all your sad mood will disappear, and your self-esteem will rise!

Step 3. Write down a list of things that give you a reason to be proud of yourself. For example, you are assiduous, attentive to small things, responsive, get along well with people, have authority in the service, know how to sculpt figures from plasticine, etc. Now analyze how these advantages help you in life. If it turns out that you are not yet using any of the talents, think about how he can help you. Pay attention: if modeling from plasticine (clay) just cheers you up and brings positive emotions - this is already great and very useful for you! Train yourself to supplement this list every evening, because every day you reach more and more new heights. They must be included in the list.

Step 4. Praise yourself for your achievements. Did you manage to make a delicious breakfast today or get your quarterly report done the first time around? Be sure to praise yourself for every success, even if it seems tiny. And, by the way, note to yourself what kind of personal quality helped you to achieve it!

Step 5. Be your own best friend! Look at yourself in the mirror. Who do you see there? Friend or foe? Think of yourself the way you would like others to think of you and evaluate yourself the way you would like others to evaluate you.

Step 6. Tune in to the positive from communicating with people. Trust others, do not perceive a person with hostility if you do not know anything about him. Try to see the good qualities in the stranger above all.

Learn from your mistakes

No one is immune from failure - and you are no exception! Instead of painfully experiencing your defeat, try to take advantage of it - because in any situation you can find not only disadvantages, but also advantages. Didn't you get the job you dreamed of? Who knows, maybe soon you will have another, even better chance! Have you broken up with a man? Building new relationships, you will be wiser and more experienced.

Positive thinking not only programs your inner “I” for future success - it can restructure the space around you, attracting luck and success to you.

But for this it is necessary to do "work on errors":

1. Sit comfortably, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
2. Think about a situation that made you feel hurt or guilty. Imagine the person or people with whom you communicated then, the environment and everything that was said or done.
3. Try to peer into it from the side, as if you were watching a movie on a big screen.
4. Try to see with your inner vision those signs that signaled a problem - those that you did not attach importance to. These can be words, gestures, intonations and even facial expressions spoken casually by you or the interlocutor.
5. Understand: what lesson did you learn from this situation? Maybe next time you will be more restrained, try to listen to your interlocutor more attentively, or turn the topic of conversation into a neutral channel at the right time?
6. Ask yourself: if it happened to achieve some higher goal, what is that goal? What do you see as a gift of fate? Be sure to formulate it positively, for example, you have begun to better understand a specific person or have come to the conclusion that you need to learn more about something, develop your abilities or professional skills.
7. Describe the most important thing you can do when you receive this gift of fate. Thank fate for giving you this invaluable lesson, that you have become a little wiser. After completing the exercise, failure will no longer seem irreparable to you!

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