When you feel alone. There are several types of feelings of loneliness. Negative sides of loneliness
lonely man
Lonely in Moscow? .
The concept of loneliness is ambiguous. For some it is torture, for others it is a test, for others it is rest. What is considered loneliness - to be alone for an hour, a day, a month or a year? Often, loneliness is a reaction to unexpected life changes, such as separation, divorce, moving. But, in fact, loneliness is also a vital state of a person, when the ability to be alone and find a foothold in oneself is a symbol of growing up, getting out of parental care and the ability to solve important problems in a timely manner.
In the event of unexpected changes in life, a person may feel like a victim of circumstances and endure loneliness very painfully, for example, with feelings of resentment, guilt, the search for punishment and redemption, and depression. But loneliness can also be perceived as a blessing: when no one bothers to engage in creativity, self-development, when there is an opportunity to take a break from the hustle and bustle, recuperate and calmly understand yourself and what is happening.
Psychoanalyst John Bowlby argued that the fear of loneliness is one of the most powerful fears in human life. You may think that this fear is stupid or immature, but there are good biological reasons behind it. Throughout human history, people have been most effective in weathering crises and facing dangers with the help of their loved ones. Thus, the need for close ties and close relationships is inherent in human nature.
Some men and women cannot bear even temporary loneliness (an hour, a day). When left alone for a while, they feel anxious and immediately begin to look for ways to get rid of loneliness, for example, calling acquaintances, looking for casual acquaintances, sharing their anxiety or aggression with others, and trying to escape from having to endure a short period of loneliness in every possible way. Perhaps it is these men and women who form the majority of visitors to dating sites. For such men and women, it is unbearable to feel alone, and this is more like a childish reaction: when the child, as if punished, was left at home alone, while the others went off to have fun. The child is hurt and offended that there is no one around, no one to talk to, play and chat with, there is no one who could brighten up his existence, entertain, pay attention, have fun.
A completely different situation with loneliness arises in the event of the loss, loss, separation or end of one life stage and preparing for the next one, a midlife crisis. In this case, a person for a long time (months, years) is left alone with his life, maybe he lives alone in an apartment. People say that "the walls begin to gnaw." The mitigation of loneliness and alleviation of feelings in the event of the loss of a loved one is the motivation for the formation of new social ties, as well as the search for new areas of one's activity, leisure, and self-development.
Loneliness caused by divorce or separation from a loved one can increase feelings of interpersonal inadequacy and feelings of self-doubt. Often a person begins to perceive himself as a loser in the sphere of personal relationships. Frightened by what is happening, for some time he eschews new acquaintances and avoids establishing close relationships with women and men, he himself runs away into loneliness. Loneliness becomes a temporary defense against perceived new pain or disappointment.
For some people, loneliness can be the result of their own life path and interpersonal relationships, and not a consequence of a recent loss or separation from a loved one. Indeed, there are a small number of people who are self-sufficient and do not strive for a serious relationship and the creation of a family. Bachelors and "hermits" easily and naturally endure loneliness, they cannot imagine another life - this is their way.
There are two types of loneliness:
As a rule, men and women who experience situational loneliness, after thinking, discussing with friends and adjusting their communication patterns, are ready to establish new relationships after a while. They begin to look for new acquaintances and serious relationships. After all, this is a healthy desire of people to go through life together, to love and be loved, and it should be stronger than the fear of experiencing failure and the pain of parting. Men and women who experience situational loneliness will benefit most from their new-found confidence and help in establishing interpersonal relationships.
To get away from chronic loneliness, you will also need to become self-confident in order to be able to oppose your priorities and values to social norms and expectations, often false and insincere. Chronically lonely people can benefit most from their condition by developing immunity to social anxieties and developing social communication and interaction skills.
How to get rid of loneliness? There are two main methods:
- Psychological trainings of social skills - group work oriented
- Cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy - focused on individual work
On the psychological trainings social skills items such as modeling, role-playing, self-observation (including video techniques) and homework are commonly used. The training teaches how to:
- engage in dialogue and support telephone conversations
- give and receive compliments
- regulate periods of silence in communication
- highlight one's attractiveness
- use non-verbal communication
- establish contact and keep an optimal distance in communication
Cognitive-behavioral therapy includes a variety of cognitive techniques, among which the recognition of “automatic thoughts” is most often used. In individual psychotherapy, they are taught to detect their negative automatic thoughts, to establish a connection between thoughts, emotions and behavior; find facts “for” and “against” automatic thoughts; look for more realistic interpretations of events; identify and change negative beliefs.
If you want to get rid of loneliness and find a loved one, come to the dating evening Romantic City
Traps of loneliness
Being an adult means being alone.
Jean Rost.
Barely descended from apes, Homo erectus, and in some places even intelligent, has not lost the desire of its furry ancestors to live in large groups. In cave times, this was more than justified - living together, it was easier to fill up a mammoth, and hide from saber-toothed predators, and stock up edible roots, and raise children. The further you look into the Neanderthal-historical retrospective, the more you are convinced that loneliness is the scourge of modern times, the fruit of an urbanized, high-tech, hygienic, well-fed and comfortable city life...
The number of calls to specialists about loneliness is growing year by year, and this is especially true big cities. Having united around large industrial enterprises, trying with all his might to improve the quality of life and improve everyday life, man has created an inimitable phenomenon that has no analogues in wildlife - a metropolis, a community of disunited, a huge accumulation of totally lonely people. Unable to find peace of mind in contact with another person, we seek solace in surrogates for love - selling sex, alcohol, gambling, noisy companies. We are fiercely making a career, and they say about us: "it will go over the corpses." We sit up at night at work, because no one is waiting for us at home anyway. We share our lives with pets who become confidants of our thoughts, feelings, suffering, and often mean as much to us as family members.
The feeling of loneliness is one of the most painful experiences for a person. A dreary feeling of emptiness, a tormenting experience of a lack of something that is difficult to describe in concrete words, the impression that no one cares about you in the whole wide world ... Sometimes these experiences are so strong that there is a frightening feeling that you do not exist at all, you are a phantom, an invisible man. Human life begins with the experience of complete unity and fusion - first in the womb, then - in her arms, at the mother's breast, the human cub experiences a feeling of complete peace and happiness. This experience makes us look all our lives for someone with whom we could experience it again. The feeling of one's own incompleteness leads to the search for someone who would complete us to the whole. The fear of remaining in this incompleteness forever leads us to avoid loneliness at all costs, losing sight of the fact that it can be a valuable psychological resource, an important, prioritizing experience in life.
There are many forms of such flight, but the result is usually the same - an attempt to avoid one's own internal conflicts only leads to their aggravation.
1. I can't bear to get married. As Anton Pavlovich Chekhov wrote, "If you are afraid of loneliness, then do not marry." A desperate desire to create a couple at all costs is one of the classic ways to escape from the feeling of loneliness, which is not only characteristic of the fair sex, as is commonly believed. Often, mature men who have experienced a lonely life strive at all costs to fill their home with delicious homemade food smells and a cozy clatter of women's heels, being, to put it mildly, very illegible in choosing an object. The charm of the “candy-bouquet” stage of a relationship allows you to overcome or even not notice small and large inconsistencies, lack of common values, divergence of life goals ... He wants to climb the Himalayas, does she dream of a house with three kids and a lace apron? What's the difference, love will overcome everything, somehow agree! Time passes, and we begin to feel deceived: you are not like that, and you are not like that, but the wedding has already been played, children have been born, apartments have been privatized, and so much has been experienced together that you cannot cut it off and throw it away in one fell swoop. People often take in such cases the only possible solution - to endure. As a result, depression, adultery, and an even more destructive form of loneliness - loneliness together, from which all members of this family system suffer, especially children.
2. Brotherhood or slavery? Belonging to a group creates a very strong sense of belonging, unity in a person - our common cave past affects, when belonging to a certain tribe meant a lot for the survival of a person and his offspring. Tribes have now emerged, but their various options are yard companies of teenagers, political parties, religious sects "catch" their members on a single "hook" - a sense of unity with a group of like-minded people, an illusory brotherhood, which often transforms into slavery - a ban on the manifestations of any individuality up to the rejection of personal property in favor of the organization, the requirement of total compliance with existing group settings and rules. Becoming a member of a group, a person is often forced to sacrifice his own beliefs and norms - group ones, and in this case, the price for the absence of loneliness will be the loss of himself, his own, unique and unrepeatable personality.
3. Pursuit of pleasure. As soon as the extraction of food ceased to be the main condition for survival for a person, the desire to consume as much as possible turned from a saving reflex into a pleasure that gives euphoria, relieves stress and fatigue from accumulated problems, allowing for a while to forget about the emptiness that corrodes us inside. That is why, when we are acutely experiencing our loneliness and abandonment, longing for lost or still not found love, when we feel offended or rejected, one of the pathological ways to cope with these feelings is to “eat” them. Cakes and chocolates, croissants and crispy waffles are used - sweets really cheer you up for a short moment, by stimulating the production of the hormone insulin in the body, sweet foods cause a surge of energy, but after it comes an even greater breakdown, the mood drops even more ... How to deal with it? The hand reaches for a new chocolate candy, and the vicious circle closes.
The habit of “eating” negative experiences very quickly turns into a real addiction, similar to drugs and alcohol: any sadness drives you to the refrigerator or buffet. This is facilitated by the modern cultural standard - "at all costs to avoid negative experiences." Headache? Take a pill. Bad relationship with your husband? So get divorced! Sad? Buy a new lipstick, a new CD, take a lover - replace the loss with an acquisition, and everything will be fine again Increasingly, a new acquisition becomes a reason for joy, and delicious food is just one of its forms. As is well known, the joy of a new purchase does not last long, and we make new and new ones, accustoming our children to this from young nails: "Here's a toy for you (candy, ice cream), just don't cry!". Experiencing sadness for this or that On occasion, we often feel what psychotherapists call "existential emptiness" - a sense of the meaninglessness of life, the futility of our efforts, fatigue and boredom. It is impossible to fill this void with food - the fullness of being is felt only by those who live without avoiding the dark sides of life, rejoicing in the bright, trying to realize their own needs.
The same applies to the pursuit of any other pleasures - alcohol and drugs, running around the shops and acquiring an endless amount of expensive and bright clothes, immersion in an exciting, filling the gaping emptiness with adrenaline and endorphins - the hormones of happiness - the world of gambling and computer games- all these are unreliable, false surrogates of peace of mind, adherence to which is fraught with the development of addiction.
4. Networks on the Internet. Perhaps one of the most common forms of escape from loneliness in big city, and at the same time, a form of imitation of human communication - communication via the Internet. By providing dizzying opportunities to make new friends, the over-enthusiastic network is rapidly becoming even more lonely. Relationships we build real life, always require significant mental work to create and maintain them. In addition, real relationships always contain an element of risk - the risk that they will not like us, they will not accept us for who we are, they will leave us for someone who is more interesting and more attractive, finally. People take these risks in order to create a space for two, in which there will be intimacy, trust, and plans for the future. Internet relationships require almost no emotional labor. Something went wrong? Just remove this contact from your list. Block the ability to send you messages, change your mailbox address, and start over. The ease of creating contacts disaccustoms investing in maintaining them. The result is numerous short and empty virtual relationships, the fear of creating real relationships, the desire to dull the feeling of loneliness with new and new virtual novels.
Another feature of network communication is such that the image of another person in Internet communication is completely devoid of reality. We fill it with our own fantasies, hidden desires, unsatisfied needs, and readily believe that the person on the other side of the monitor is really like that. Do not forget that this is a mutual process, and in the end it is not Luda and Misha who communicate, but, say, Cinderella, who turns into a Princess every evening at midnight, and the Swineherd, who has become Prince Charming. As a result, there is a feeling that the person on the other side of the monitor is exactly the one whom you have been waiting and looking for all your life, only he or she really understands you. And no wonder - after all, you communicate, in fact, with yourself.
So are there ways, methods or methods that allow you to get rid of the oppressive feeling of your own incompleteness, if “there is no one with me”? Paradoxically, psychologists advise you to stop avoiding him first. Be with him. Be in it. Whether it happened as a natural consequence of divorce, or as a result of sudden widowhood, and perhaps because the person himself, as psychologists say, is introverted and does not easily converge with other people, loneliness is a valuable psychological resource, time and space for self-development, the opportunity to understand what exactly you need in this life. If you've been single recently, try to use it to its fullest. "Time of inner silence" is a chance to do everything that you always wanted, but there was no time, out of place.
Did you dream of becoming a singer as a child? Get into a vocal class. Would you like to ride? At the equestrian base. Try writing poetry or prose, growing bonsai, studying your family's genealogy or medieval heraldry. Don't make new hobbies a way to escape from a lonely evening at home or a cold bed, don't use it as a way to get to know each other - if you've been single recently, the time to make new contacts does not come right away. Your classes should make sense to you in and of themselves, regardless of the big or small benefits - whether the evening was killed. Is it world fame - which it can bring you. Do not look for the Other - look for yourself, and over time it will become clear to you who is truly able to share your loneliness, and who is not worth messing with. Such a position has another serious profit - only self-sufficient, psychologically independent people are able to truly love and are really very attractive.
If your loneliness has dragged on, and hopes that it will ever stop become ephemeral, try creating goodness. Remember the words of Robert Penn Warren "You must make good out of evil, because there is nothing else to make of it"? The feeling of loneliness is an experience that destroys both the soul and the body, and lonely people can be very cruel - they forget how to regret, sympathize, empathize - with everything that people do together. Try to help someone who is even worse - go to work as a volunteer in an orphanage, a nursing home, a boarding school for the disabled or a public organization that helps seriously ill children. There are always not enough hands, there is always a job that you can do. Perhaps it is you who is missing there.
Loneliness doesn't end when we finally find someone to share it with - sometimes that's when the loneliness just begins. And you can stop being lonely by creating a new meaning for your own or someone else's life.
This is how strong relationships are built and feelings of loneliness and emptiness are destroyed. On the mutual respect.
And do not forget that if you are ready to establish close relationships, then not always a person will reciprocate. This can lead to bad mood, depression and feelings of loneliness, but this is the law of the world. The only thing I can advise in this situation is to move on without wasting time on empty grievances. Everyone has their own opinion and we must respect it!
You are in protection mode
It may sound rather strange, but do you yourself push people away? I'll explain now.
Body language plays a huge role in communication. When talking to a person, look at yourself from the outside. Are you actively listening? Or are you constantly distracted and interrupted? Did you make eye contact? Does your body language increase interest in conversation? Or are you trying your best to show that you want to leave as soon as possible? This is another reason why there is a feeling of loneliness.
The reverse side of this coin - you are simply surrounded people who do not need new acquaintances and friends. In this case, try to change the circle of communication.
Try to be more open, show interest in the interlocutor and do not hesitate to ask questions. People just adore when they are really heard and understood!
You spend too much time on social media
It would seem that social networks are the perfect weapon against feelings of loneliness. But it's not. As I said above, you may have 1000 friends on Facebook or Vkontakte, but how many of them are real?
Research has shown that the more time you spend on social media, the stronger your feelings of loneliness can be.
That's when we feel lonely, even when we seem to be not alone at all (because we have many friends on social networks).
So, we figured out why there is a feeling of loneliness and what to do about it. Summing up all the above, we can conclude that important role plays openness, yours and your interlocutor, mutual respect and social circle. In addition, do not forget that it is necessary to spend energy and time on developing relationships, but it's worth it - you will forever cope with the feeling of loneliness and emptiness.
The feeling of loneliness can overtake any person. Most experience it rarely, for short periods of time - for example, when they are alone for a long time. For others, things are much more difficult. Loneliness seems endless, it seems that a person is cut off from the world, he has no one to talk to, talk to, no one pays due attention to him.
In the first option, the problem is not so serious. Its cause is a lack of communication, remoteness from loved ones. In the second, everything is much more complicated - the feeling of loneliness and further uncontrollable apathy is associated with psychological decline, serious mental, moral trauma, fears or prolonged depression becomes a real ailment affecting the psychological and physical state of a person. In this case, not just full-fledged work on oneself is required, but serious treatment by a psychotherapist.
Typing feelings of loneliness
The feeling of loneliness often arises from the need for companionship and love. If this does not happen, then the person perceives the lack of understanding as alienation from relatives, friends, acquaintances and society as a whole.
Even with functioning ties to family or other people, a person can still feel lonely. This may be due to a lack of understanding in the family, love, psychological trauma coming from childhood itself and temporary problems that he is unable to overcome. Feeling helpless, a person begins to experience disbelief in his own strength and develops in himself various kinds of complexes that suppress the psyche and will. These are all links in the same chain.
Terminologically, books about loneliness position the problem as an episodic feeling of tension, which is associated with a person’s unfulfilled desire for relationships with others. There are several types of such anxiety:
- A person is not satisfied with his relationship, feels emptiness, abandonment.
- He is socially active, but occasionally feels lonely.
- Expresses passive loneliness - he is tired of this feeling and resigned to it.
- Does not feel loneliness, but periodically exposes himself to social isolation.
Many works devoted to the issue of how to cope with loneliness divide the problem into two types. In the first case, a person is alienated from himself, and in the second - from his environment.
According to another popular typification, the feeling of loneliness can be divided according to its symptoms:
situational.
It arises as a result of tragic events (for example, the death of a loved one or a breakup in a relationship). It passes when a person comes to terms with the tragedy.
transient. Short-term seizures that a person cannot track. Pass on their own.
Chronic.
It arises due to psychological problems, complete rejection of reality, rejection of oneself, one's environment, or undisclosed mental (subconscious) traumas. Such symptoms require the intervention of a psychologist.
Before deciding how to deal with loneliness, it is necessary to understand the causes of loneliness and understand the symptoms. They may differ, but the basis is always the same.
Strong attacks provoke melancholy, confusion, nostalgia, nervousness, depression, and even. With such symptoms, it is necessary that a person himself realizes the inferiority of his relations with others, sees the problem from the inside and wants to solve it.
The origin of the feeling of loneliness
A number of scientists believe that the feeling of loneliness haunts a person from birth until death. It's just that someone copes with it better, while others are very worried about it. Many experts are sure that people begin to feel loneliness in adolescence, when there is a grand surge of hormones, but in fact this is a moot point.
It has been scientifically proven that loneliness is more acutely felt at a young age, when a fragile brain is only forming a worldview, gaining experience, learning about the world. The reasons may be a lack of maternal attention, improper upbringing, shyness, various kinds of complexes, or lack of social activity. But the main reasons for the origin of this problem are associated with psychological disorders.
Causes of loneliness
- Psychological trauma or childhood frights
- subconscious fears
- Constant feeling of depression or stress
- Negative atmosphere (energy) in the family
- Self-isolation, shyness
- Self-doubt and fear of rejection
- Low self-esteem
- Complexes and fear of condemnation
- Lack of trust in people
If you can figure out the causes of loneliness, then the question arises: what to do if you are lonely? After all, the consequences are not only in the feeling of depression, but also in the way you respond to it. If a person blames himself for what happened, then he has a high risk of developing depression turning into apathy.
Otherwise, when a person blames others and external factors for his feelings, hostility and aggressiveness towards the world appears. Both cases lead to a deterioration in relations with loved ones, problems in the workplace and conflicts in the family, since this feeling is expressed outwardly anyway.
Getting rid of feelings of loneliness
Everyone knows the famous expression about that. that man is a social being. Each of us was born in society, from the moment we were born, we were in contact with other people and grew up in a social environment. A person needs to communicate, share their feelings. However, this is not the answer to how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness.
In a chronic form, this problem will not go away if a person forcibly imposes communication and social activity on himself. This is possible only with a situational and transient type of problem, when there are no internal conflicts requiring direct intervention. The role is played only by the time and willpower necessary to get rid of negative feelings.
The first and most important point that you must do is to realize your true inner world. Understand what loneliness is for you and what causes it. If you need help with this, contact a psychologist who will find the key to the problem and go through this temporary turmoil with you. Remember - you can overcome loneliness yourself by using one of the above methods.
How to deal with loneliness
Don't lock yourself in
No need to dwell on loneliness and try to isolate yourself from the outside world, on the contrary, be open and start communication first. Communication helps to calm down and distract from negative thoughts. This is one of the most effective and versatile means to overcome loneliness and calm inner confusion. Communicate on your favorite topics showing a keen interest in the interlocutor, but do not dwell on it. Try to discover new roles and talents in yourself, even if nothing works out the first time, no one will blame you for it.
love yourself
In the turmoil of loneliness, we become depressed and broken and begin to criticize ourselves. We do this because we feel insecure and weak, which we cannot overcome. Do not go on about your own emotions, learn to be above problems and negative situations. Love yourself for who you really are, not perfect, not the best, but strong, courageous, self-critical, able to see your true self, and overcome any obstacles on the way.
Move forward
Don't stop there. Go forward starting with small steps and ending with global jumps. We spend too much time on the past, trying to feel sorry for ourselves and remembering past failures, focusing our thoughts in an unnecessary direction. Change your outlook and approach to life, do not feel sorry for yourself and give up the past. Accept life as it is at the moment and, having adopted the most important thing - experience, move forward. Act without thinking and without delay.
Discover new
Strive to discover new things and explore the world. Do the most extraordinary things, forget about modesty and shyness, but within reason. Remember the movie: “Always Say YES” is a perfect example of how to stop complaining about the world, loneliness and feel real intrigue and interest in life. Help others overcome crisis and loneliness by focusing on the most important thing - willpower.
The reasons described above will not go anywhere even with active communication with other people. Everyone has their own way of solving these problems. Some are able, with the help of introspection, to understand themselves and feel a surge of strength and confidence, while someone will have to turn to a psychoanalyst, because if the foundation is associated with psychological disorders, there is simply no other way to get rid of loneliness. In any of these cases, the path to life satisfaction lies only through problem solving. It cannot be otherwise!
Speaking about the problem of loneliness, it should be noted that it can be of two types. The first type is forced, or physical loneliness. We experience it when we are alone at home (this, of course, is temporary loneliness) or when we do not have friends and relatives. People prone to negativism most often perceive forced loneliness as a misfortune. But those who look at life from a positive point of view usually understand loneliness as solitude, when there is time to think about something important and take care of themselves. But since our society is more prone to a pessimistic assessment of reality, many perceive their loneliness as the worst thing that could happen to them.
The second kind is the feeling of loneliness. With him, everything is much more complicated. This is such a state of mind and soul when a person, even being among other people, in the presence of family and friends, still feels lonely and believes that no one understands him, no one "hears". Such a feeling of loneliness is a difficult condition for the psyche, which, as a rule, is accompanied by a bad or depressed mood and serious emotional experiences. Such people are often very unhappy, they have no really close friends and all their contacts are very limited. A similar problem can occur both in adolescents and in humans. Teenagers very often feel lonely and misunderstood in their own family. And middle-aged people often begin to experience a feeling of loneliness, when their life becomes measured, they seem to have achieved everything and they have nothing more to strive for. If the family of such a person does not really understand and is not interested in his experiences, then the feeling of loneliness can escalate to the limit and even develop into.
There are no positives in the feeling of loneliness, but in physical loneliness there are both minuses and pluses. Now we will look at them in more detail.
The positive aspects of loneliness
Readers, probably, are perplexedly asking the question: “What positive aspects can loneliness have?”. People are used to thinking: loneliness is bad, this concept carries a negative connotation and there can be nothing good in this state. But let's look at loneliness from the other side, and you will see that in fact it also carries positive emotions.Loneliness can be seen as a life resource that we need to move on. It can help a person mature as a person and begin to develop further. Left alone, we can work on life's mistakes, draw the necessary conclusions from them and move on, not making any more such mistakes.
Even in the old days, loneliness was treated as a good way to listen to yourself, to know your "I", to develop intuition. After all, in the bustle and noise it is impossible to recognize and understand yourself. It is necessary to realize that loneliness is not a punishment and not isolation, but solitude, which brings peace and meaningfulness of being, and then a lonely person will feel happy.
You also need to understand that in loneliness you should not miss someone at all. On the contrary, you can perceive loneliness as an opportunity to find yourself. Is this not a reason for joy?
In our world, where everyone is in a hurry somewhere, constantly doing something, it is believed that the time spent alone and in silence is wasted. In fact, it is the time that we spend alone that psychologists consider the most fruitful: it helps us maintain our inner life, which is very important. After all, if a person was always busy communicating with others, he would never have come up with many wonderful ideas and options for solving pressing problems.
In addition, when you are single, you have a lot of free time that can be put to good use. For example, learn to sew, go on a trip, etc. Remember what you dreamed about before and make your dream a reality.
However, we should not forget about the negative aspects of loneliness. Let's consider them.
Negative sides of loneliness
Not so long ago, scientists conducted new studies that showed that women and men, being without a permanent partner, often drink too much, forget about proper nutrition, give a lot of time to work, they do not have the emotional stability that is typical for people who are married. Too much loneliness has a bad effect on the life expectancy of both women and men. In terms of the degree of negative impact on life expectancy, loneliness is equated to smoking. To date, scientists have not yet found an exact explanation for this, but it is assumed that, being alone, people begin to lead an unhealthy lifestyle. They drink more because they want to forget; skip breakfast and lunch because they are not interested in taking care of themselves, and work with a vengeance because they have no one to pay attention to and talk heart to heart.
Lonely people do not have a sense of responsibility for another person, they are responsible only for themselves and therefore they can take reckless, risky actions. They often get involved in various adventures, become too aggressive towards others.
As you can see, there are fewer minuses in loneliness than pluses, but still they are very significant and can pretty much spoil your health and life. Therefore, if you feel that your loneliness has dragged on, then it makes sense to try to overcome it.
Ways to overcome loneliness
If you are experiencing loneliness in your own family, there are several ways to help overcome this feeling. - Accept and understand. Learn to accept those around you for who they are. Of course, you may not like something in loved ones, but it is very important to just accept it and decide whether you can put up with it or not.
After all, the feeling of loneliness very often arises from the fact that a person imagines a family not as it really is. And when he sees that a family or partner does not meet his ideas, he will first experience disappointment, and then a feeling of loneliness will replace disappointment. - Don't compare your life with the lives of others. If you constantly compare your partner and your whole life with him with other couples, then sooner or later you will begin to adjust yourself and your partner to the “ideal”, and this can lead to alienation and, as a result, to a feeling of loneliness.
When we adjust our lives to the lives of other people, we often forget that in our world, almost everyone wears masks that meet social standards. Many try to hide their shortcomings and flaunt only their (sometimes fictional) virtues, or simply try to hide their true feelings behind a mask. The same can be true in a family whose life you consider devoid of flaws. In fact, these people may well have their own serious problems that you don’t know about and think with envy that your friends are. - Look at your partner from the side. A person, as you know, very quickly gets used to the good and ceases to appreciate what he has, so he begins to pay attention only to what seems negative to him. To look at a partner from the outside and see his advantages, psychologists recommend using the comparison technique. For example, say to yourself: “Yes, my husband rarely gives me flowers, but he is very gentle and attentive.” The main thing to do in order to get rid of the feeling of loneliness is to always be attentive and caring towards your partner. If you show concern, then close person will surely answer in kind, and in this way you will not only get rid of the feeling of loneliness, but also improve family relations.
- If you have been in search of love for a long time, but deep down you are sure that you are not worthy of this very love, then most likely you will not wait for a meeting with your soul mate. After all, if you constantly think that it is impossible to love you, that you are marked with the seal of loneliness and in general you have an evil fate, then sooner or later such self-perception will manifest itself in every movement, word and deed. And people will avoid you. Therefore, if you want to find your love, reconsider your views on loneliness and on life in general. First of all, you need to learn to love yourself, then those around you will love you. Stop seeing only the black sides in yourself and in your life. Remember, life is colorful and light colors predominate in it. Try to see them.
- Usually people who are looking for look at all members of the opposite sex as potential partners, thereby often scaring them away. This rule applies mainly to women: men do not like it when we "open the hunt" for them. Try to reconsider your behavior. You must show men that you feel good and alone, then you will not have time to blink an eye, as you will have a permanent partner.
Causes of loneliness and their solution
Speaking about the causes of loneliness, I would like to note one important fact. Why is the person alone? If we think a little, we will understand that there are very few situations when we are alone due to circumstances beyond our control. Forced lonely, for example, are the lighthouse keeper and the man in solitary confinement. And most often our loneliness is the work of our own hands. Can't believe? I'll try to prove it to you. - Some people think that those around them are simply unworthy of their attention, since these very people around them have an insufficient level of education, they do not correspond to the “lonely and misunderstood” in terms of status or mental abilities ... and in general, those around them do not understand their subtle nature. Maybe it is. But, most likely, you simply do not want to see in other people their abilities, their inner world. Do you think what it was like for Seraphim of Sarov or Nicholas the Wonderworker? But they did not turn away from people, helped them and did not fall into the sin of pride. In a word, be a little simpler, and then you will stop suffering from loneliness, people themselves will be drawn to you.
- Sometimes people are left alone because they think that everyone wants to use them and get something from them. This attitude is due to the fact that a person constantly compares how much he gave and how much was given to him. Yes, we all need something from other people and from the world in general. And that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that. You need to remember one simple truth: the more you give, the more you get in return.
- It also happens like this: a person thinks that there are many dangers in the world, and climbs into his “shell”, where nothing threatens him and cannot hurt him. But you still need to get out of your hiding place sometimes, at least to the store. And if you walk down the street hunched over, pulling your head into your shoulders, then, most likely, you will not evoke warm feelings in those around you. People love open, friendly and open personalities. Look at the world with different eyes, look around - and you will see that you are surrounded good people who have no reason to hurt you and cause harm. If you can’t cope with the fear of the outside world on your own, seek help from a psychologist, and after a while you will look at the world with different eyes, then loneliness will recede.
- Some people are lonely because they are afraid to contact people, suspecting that they will certainly laugh at them. But even if this turns out to be the case, then try to find the courage in yourself and to laugh at yourself along with everyone. If you do this, you will find yourself with others "in the same boat." And a person who knows how and is not afraid to laugh at himself attracts people more than a closed and always offended subject.
