I feel like people treat me badly. how to deal with this problem? there were times when I behaved strangely and incorrectly. because of which they made fun of me or mocked me. How to determine why someone is mistreating you What to do about me

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why are they doing this to me?” when someone (stranger, friend or family member) treats you inappropriately? Surely you would like to know why he behaves this way. Try to understand the reason for this behavior by observing the person and also asking friends for advice. Then you can talk openly and honestly with this person to find out why he behaves so badly towards you. Finally, learn to limit your interactions with people who upset or offend you.

Steps

Part 1

Rate his behavior

Write down what it is about this person's behavior that upsets you so much. To understand what underlies a person’s bad attitude towards you, you need to understand exactly what is happening in general. Reflect on how the person treats you. What is it about his behavior that confuses you? Try to clearly and clearly define all the details and moments of his behavior.

• Write down all the details of his behavior that you managed to notice. For example, perhaps this person ignores you whenever you contact him. Write down exactly what happened.

1. Put yourself in his place. think about possible reasons such behaviour. Yes, you can't read minds, but you're quite capable of imagining yourself in the same situation and then understanding what makes that person behave the way they do.

   Watch how this person communicates with other people. Try to understand his behavior by paying attention to how he behaves with others. Try to find details in his behavior that confirm his attitude towards you or contradict him. If he behaves with others in almost the same way as with you, then it's definitely not about you. If he treats others differently than he treats you, most likely it is a matter of personal hostility.

   Get the opinion of someone you know. Perhaps you take everything too personally; in this case, the opinion of a person who is not involved in this situation will help you. Talk to someone who knows this person and get their opinion on the matter.

   • You can say: “Listen, I noticed that Regina has become somehow rude lately. Don't you think so?

2. Decide if you want to let go of this situation. Analyze everything that you have learned from your observations and the opinions of others, and then think about how to proceed. If you think the person is behaving this way because they had to go through a difficult situation, it's probably best to just ignore the behavior and hope things get better over time.

   • But if you cannot find an exact and clear explanation for this behavior, if you suspect that the person is specifically trying to offend you, it is most likely worth choosing a tactic to fight.
   • You may have to decide for yourself how important this person is to you, and whether you can let go of this situation just like that.

3. Keep your distance from this person. If the person continues to disrespect you, move away from them or end the relationship altogether. This will be a signal that you consider his behavior as unacceptable and are not going to put up with it.

   • If the person asks why you distanced yourself from them, simply say, "I did this for my own peace of mind because you don't treat me the way I deserve and expect from you."

4. Show people how you should be treated. The way you treat yourself is a signal to others how to treat you. Show your acquaintances, friends and relatives how they should behave towards you by setting a standard of behavior for yourself first of all.

   Treat others with respect. Treat others with due consideration and kindness so that you will be treated the same way. Talk about others only in a positive way, do not gossip or judge others. Show respect to other people and they will respect you.

You began to ask yourself the question why they treat me badly, everyone turned away from me? Let's try to figure this out together. If this has already happened, it may be worth looking for the reason for such behavior of others in oneself and trying to understand why it happened and draw the appropriate conclusions from the current situation.
There can be quite a lot of reasons for people to treat you badly, all friends and acquaintances turned away from you. Maybe you have become arrogant or too capricious, demanding or not frank. Or maybe the reason for this attitude towards your person lies in your slovenliness.

Take a closer look at yourself, maybe you have become sloppy and the people around you have become rather unpleasant and not interested in communicating with you and they have turned away from you. First of all, you need to put things in order not only in your head in your thoughts and actions, but also in your apartment, at your workplace, and so on. A high probability that others around you have begun to treat you badly is your sloppiness. I bring to your attention that it is easier for many to turn away from you than to reprimand you for your inaccuracy. Just imagine, your friends come to visit you and face the clutter of your apartment. What impression do they have of you?

In order to create a good impression of yourself, pay attention to the cleanliness of your apartment, your workplace and, ultimately, to yourself. If you are a sloppy person, you are likely to be treated badly by the people around you. So let's start by cleaning your apartment. Unnecessary things, rubbish, everything that prevents you from living and feeling great needs to be taken out and thrown into a landfill. Do not be afraid to live with the times, experiment, change the environment and the things around you more often.

After all, old things often carry a lot of negativity and you don’t need to accumulate this rubbish in the apartment, but get rid of it in a timely manner. And our staff will be happy to help you do it. And in a short period of time they will help to put things in order in the apartment - this is to take out excess furniture and things. You need to live comfortably yourself and try to make it so that others would be pleased to be near you. Love and respect yourself first of all and you will see how people close and dear to you will appreciate you. Do not be closed, never despair and try to ask those people who turned away from you, why did they do it? Maybe they will sincerely and honestly answer your question and you will easily be able to return to yourself good relationship your relatives and friends. If you know the reason why acquaintances turned away from you and friends began to treat you badly, immediately try to solve it. In no case do not lose heart and do not try to blame someone other than yourself for the situation. There are no unsolvable problems, only the unwillingness to solve them. Be confident in yourself and you will be fine!

My story is no different from thousands of previous ones. I don't know what brought me to this site.
An ordinary, gray, stupid, useless, spineless, mediocre vile animal who has a huge stomach and an overly small brain writes to you: not a brilliant indigo child, not an original, not a good person, not a badass, not a beauty, not an exception to the rule; people like me don't fall in love at first sight, they just turn away out of disgust.
I am a creature. Look, I write only "I" and "I" - what rubbish. The most disgusting thing is that these thoughts are from a good life. I can’t harm my parents and relatives, because I can’t leave home, I can’t kill myself, I can’t do anything but exist for the sake of eating food ... I often think why such abominations like me in the world, because there are such good people kind, beautiful, talented. But for some reason they feel bad. They get sick and are very scared ... why is such a creature like me sitting at my computer now, drinking tea and complaining about life? Does anyone have an answer to this question or not? I really don't understand: why me? for what purpose was born? I don't deserve anything. Health like a cow, this year she got sick only once. Why do good, innocent, pure-hearted children have to suffer, and someone like me should eat in warmth and comfort? I can’t leave my parents, I don’t want to harm them - because they love me so much (for what?????).
why do people treat me so well? I do not deserve this.
I have to die so that I feel terribly bad and that I would repay for all the good that I have.
And another more nauseating thought: why am I writing here? find an excuse? forgiveness? support? understanding? a couple of spit in the face to wake up? Maybe. but it's so disgusting to do yourself good, but I do it, so I'm doubly a bastard.
Sorry for the abundance of dirty words. My demon is making itself known.
****************
I beg you to forgive me for these words, it is unpleasant to read such snotty things.
I have another question that I have asked many people, but they just told me that I am a "fourteen year old ***ka". Is my... I don't know what to call it... "good old comrade" a part of me or is it really a subpersonality that lives with me in the same head? He "gifted" me with his tasks and curses since the age of seven or eight ... ha ha ... probably there is no one worse than me. This is how every day I dance to his tune ...

Thanks for listening. Please forgive me.
Support the site:

Dasha, age: 02/15/2009

Responses:

Hello sister!
I read your story, and decided to bring you Radugi's response to the next request:
“I also lived until the age of 27 without meaning in life. And at 27 I found the meaning of life in communicating with children from the orphanage. It is a great happiness to see that you can help someone, support them and warm them with warmth of soul. they gave me this very warmth. And I mean not material help, but moral help. When you write letters to children, they carry them with them, tie them to the body, sleep with them under the pillow, because they have no one. And the letter from a distant friend - this is something very important for them! So you will become important to them, and they to you. And when some little girl writes to you "And I drew a bear for you," then, perhaps, you will gain this is the meaning of life, who knows ... It happened to me. And you don’t need to be seven spans in your forehead for this, you don’t need to have money, you don’t need to have a successful job, you don’t need to seem like someone, you don’t need to play, children love you just the way you are. Interestingly, since I met them, they have become my best friends, because he and sincere, they are real. God bless you all the best! "
You write that the Lord gave you good health - it's so wonderful! - this gift is an opportunity to do a lot of good to people - upon reaching adulthood, for example, you can become a donor. For example, donate platelets for sick children. And in general, you can do so much good in life! After all, it feels like your soul is striving for this! In general, in my opinion, good deeds help to feel the real taste of life.
Can you write on our forum?
There you can also, if you wish, ask an exciting question to a priest or specialists - a psychologist, a psychiatrist. You should not be ashamed of this.
And further! Can you go to the temple for confession and take communion? These Sacraments of the Lord, with the right approach to them, heal the soul and help in getting rid of bad thoughts. God bless you, dear!

Vladislav K., age: 19 / 02/06/2009

Hello Dasha! Do not be lazy, read the articles in the section "Where thoughts of suicide come from"

I join Vladislav's advice to turn to a specialist psychiatrist or psychologist, as well as to a priest. Don't let your "black man" defeat you!

Anna, age: 32 / 06.02.2009

Dashenka, hello! How much you already understand for your small age! It's amazing. Apparently, you thought a lot and thought about life. But many people just live and being "adults" do not think at all, do not ask the question: why do I live? And you have asked! It's already good. And please don't call yourself a creature, you are not a creature - you are a HUMAN. A small man is still, but you have every opportunity to grow into a man with a capital letter. Why refuse what the Lord has given you. Since he gave you a good, prosperous life, loving parents, then it belongs to you by right and you don’t need to execute yourself, but you need to use everything that you have for the benefit of yourself and the people around you. Thank God, thank the people who love you and become at least a little more responsive. Maybe someone from your environment needs some help now, even a little, but find out about it and try to help. With God's help, you should succeed, and as soon as you feel that people are grateful to you, you will immediately stop feeling like a bad person. And that "black man" - he always stands at a distance from us and waits for us to stumble in order to completely turn us away from God, but we are FREE people and we always have a CHOICE while we are alive. So try to make yours right choice. Life is too diverse and multifaceted, and now you are looking at it very narrowly, as if you are peeping through a door lock. And you open the door and look with wide eyes and you will see many opportunities to discover in yourself the best sides which you simply do not notice in yourself now. And your parents love you not for something (they love you in spite of everything), but simply because they loved each other and as a result of their love you appeared in this world. According to God's plan. This is a MIRACLE. And you see yourself that way. You will definitely find your way in life and you will be lucky in everything. You are already lucky. Life is a gift from God! And don't refuse gifts.

Lenora, age: 32 / 02/06/2009

At the age of 15, girl, you can rewrite your whole life again. Go, sun, to God's temple and ask the Lord for protection and purification.

Agnia Lvovna, age: 68 / 02/06/2009

Get better, you're only 15 years old... what else can you say.
And remember that suicidal people suffer forever. This has been proven for a long time. There is another world..

You have time to improve.

Medved aka A.V.44, age: 18/02/06/2009

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If someone treats us badly, we have three options: react wisely, endure and humble, react aggressively.

If a person who treats us badly belongs to our immediate environment, then we must definitely let him know that if he does not change his attitude, we will have to move away from him, since our personal well-being is a priority.

If someone treats us badly, we have three options: react wisely, endure and humble, react aggressively.

Managing your emotions in such tense situations is not so easy. After all, at the same time certain areas of our brain are activated.

When we are treated badly, disrespectfully, or threatened, our prefrontal cortex, amygdala (amygdala), anterior cingulate cortex, and insula immediately begin to work.

These areas are associated with our survival instinct, they are what make us react, showing aggression, or, conversely, running away from "danger".

But such situations should be learned to manage through emotional intelligence. In this way, we rid ourselves of feelings of fear or anger that take over us completely and we can lose control of ourselves.

And here are 5 promises you need to make to yourself in order to properly respond if someone treats you inappropriately.

1. I promise myself to always remember who and what I am.

When someone treats us badly and oversteps all the boundaries of what is permitted, it greatly harms our self-esteem. Contempt, hurtful words, humiliation, deceit.

If we face similar situations and similar attitudes towards ourselves, then we feel overwhelmed and overwhelmed, because it hits the what we hold dear: self-respect and personal integrity.

And if someone tells you that "you are worthless" or "you are nothing," then the last thing you should do is to fly into a rage.

First and foremost, in this case: do not take other people's statements to heart. We should respond with dignity and always remember that we are worth a lot. Know your worth.

Other people's words do not characterize us. For this reason, you need to learn to perceive any aggression against you without losing your inner balance and without losing your temper.

2. I make a promise to myself to limit your aggression.

Imagine the following picture: a golden circle is floating around you, like a life-saving one. It allows you to “float” in any environment and environment: at home, at work, etc…

It is your support and daily strength that clears the way for you and paves the way ... But one day in life there is someone who comes too close to you.

He carries something sharp over his shoulders (a spear, a needle, whatever) and treacherously points it towards your lifebuoy to pierce it and bleed all the air out of it.

After that, you notice that you start to sink.

Don't let this happen to you. You have every right to prevent this, to defend yourself, to set boundaries, to determine what can and cannot be done.

Don't let yourself be harmed.

3. I make a promise to myself to speak confidently.

First, always and in any situation it is necessary to remain calm. Only then will you be able to speak confidently.

Imagine a palace, a white hall with open windows, through which light and air enter the room. Get in there and take a deep breath. Nothing that others say or do should make you forget who you are and what you are worth.

Once you feel absolutely calm, start talking. Being confident and even assertive means being able to speak calmly and at the same time tough, making it clear what you allow and what you do not have in relation to yourself.

Speak without fear, protect yourself.

4. I make a promise to myself to leave aside anyone who treats me badly.

Someone who treats you badly doesn't deserve your time or your concern. There are people - real specialists, "pros" to create problems for everyone. They try to infect everyone with their bad mood and disdain those who least deserve it.

Very often, those who oppress us are from our immediate environment: colleagues, relatives, or even our partner in life.

But here it is important not to forget one important rule: the one who treats you badly does not respect you, does not empathize, does not share your emotions. And you can’t live in such tension from day to day, it’s too destructive and destructive for your personality.

It is necessary to think about this and make an appropriate decision: to clearly tell this person that we cannot allow such an attitude towards us and allow him to continue to make us suffer. Let him know that if this continues, then we will have to distance ourselves from him and maintain this distance for our own good.

After all, your emotional well-being in this case is in the first place.

5. Make a promise to yourself to heal the wound and become even stronger.

In such situations, the closest people cause us the most suffering: our partner, brother, parents ... And sometimes it is not enough just to establish a distance. Disappointment and resentment remain, and this wound in the soul must be healed.

Give yourself time. You need time for yourself to make it easier, choose an activity that you like: walk, write, draw, travel, spend time with friends.

Comfort can be found in many things. But The best way to heal our wounds is to surround ourselves with people who truly love us and who deserve our love. And just as there are people who can bring sadness and sadness into our lives, there are those who will allow us to start over. Just find them.

Olga Yurkovskaya especially for LISA.RU Women's Magazine

Almost every one of us has friends and relatives in the environment, communication with which imperceptibly poisons life. It could be a close friend, a colleague, or even a mother. How to stop toxic communication and get out of harmful relationships without unnecessary losses, says psychologist Olga Yurkovskaya.

Why do adults believe that other people must necessarily be reasonable, good and kind towards them?

After all, this, in general, contradicts both reality, and life observations, and ordinary biology.

It is natural for biological beings, to which humans also belong, to experience aggression towards each other. Nature is interested in the fact that the population settled as widely as possible, and the only way to achieve this is intraspecific aggression.

Many people have basic feelings towards each other - hatred and fear. Two strangers in the same territory, with almost a 100% guarantee, they will begin to experience aggression towards each other. This is if we are talking about biology.

Therefore, it is not unusual that most people will treat you, to put it mildly, unkindly. Perhaps with aggression, with hatred, with envy, with irritation, with anxiety, with fear.

In our current society, this attitude has also been aggravated by the special mentality of the endangered species of “Soviet people”. The very ones who will never show direct aggression in front of a stronger and more influential one, because it’s scary, but who will definitely kick the defenseless or weak.

And hence all these problems with elderly relatives, with colleagues, with people who have received even the slightest power over you and include the “watchman syndrome”.

Here, for example, I have a sign hanging over the table with the inscription “People are different. The world doesn't have to be comfortable." When I encounter inadequacy, I read these two wise thoughts. And immediately it becomes easier to live.

Imagine for a moment that it is not the man who is acting, but the weather. Let's say something happened that you didn't expect. Rain is coming. Will you worry, stay awake at night, mentally read angry monologues to the rain? Hardly. Most likely, you just think about how to make yourself as comfortable as possible. Take an umbrella, maybe call a taxi. Or reschedule the meeting for another day.

This is a reasonable approach. It also works in relation to inadequate people. Yes, there is such a character, and nothing can be done about it. Think about how you can make yourself as comfortable as possible, despite his attempts to achieve the opposite. With this approach, feelings disappear: “Oh, why did he do this to me?” Entered and acted, and you went further.

You yourself understand that normal educated people can't communicate like that. And from inadequate people, in an amicable way, it is necessary to get rid of.

Signs of toxic people

We all have such “friends” in our environment who are actually more like enemies. They say nasty things, accuse, manipulate, hinder the achievement of important goals ... At the same time, for some reason they are sure that they are carrying the so-called "truth", that they are great.

No, if someone speaks the unsolicited truth, then this is a collision with the boundaries of another person. This is direct aggression. This is his attempt to assert himself at your expense.

Look carefully around. Who draws energy from you and spoils your mood, without giving you any gratitude, joy, or a kind word in return? Very often these are relatives of the husband or their elderly relatives.

For example, the situation: a relative is ill and needs care. You can help by paying for a professional babysitter, but you don't have to personally endure the intolerable temperament and whims.

Or another example: a husband humiliates his wife, tries to prove to her that she is a fool and that she does not have a career.

This means that this husband is an enemy, he treats you badly, he definitely does not love you, but he is happy to assert himself at your expense. Why live with the enemy in the same family, from the point of view of human happiness, it is not clear to me.

Or a mother who does not miss the opportunity to pin up. We either educate mom, or turn on the “ignore” mode and stop communicating.

We explain to mom that we will not tolerate this. We clearly indicate the punishment: “If you tell me nasty things, we don’t communicate with you for a month, mom. I will give money, but I will not endure the way you humiliate me. I have one life, I want to live it happy. Moms after turning on the ignore mode are very quickly re-educated.

And don't blame yourself for nothing. Mom did not say nasty things to the boss. It means he can control himself. She should be afraid of losing your favor just as much as she was afraid of the reaction of her leader. If she sees your determination, she will behave perfectly. I'm sure - the maximum from the third time. And everything will be very simple in your life: they communicate well with you - make friends, badly - distance yourself.

How to get rid of people who treat you badly

I advise you not to break off relations with one sharp movement. This can cause unnecessary "disassembly" for you. It is enough just to start treating such people as indifferently as possible. Stop broadcasting anything to them. Stone face, complete disregard and no reciprocity.

Stop calling them yourself. Answer their calls immediately: “Sorry, the phone will be discharged any minute, quickly say what you wanted.” If they call on a case, then in a minute they will have time to say all the most necessary, they will not spread for half an hour about all the sores and other gossip. And if the person has nothing to do, then you just need to turn off the connection - and prevent him from stealing your time.

Many are tormented by guilt. But I want to say right away: you do not have to communicate with toxic people. You have your own life, your children, your dream, your health. Do not waste these resources on people who treat you badly.

It's their fault that they didn't learn to be nice, to be grateful, they didn't learn to share. It is their own choice - only to vampire and pull all the resources from those around them.

The most interesting thing is that as soon as you make such a decision in your head, in a surprising way, these people themselves begin to disappear from view.

This happened to me with many of my friends from childhood and adolescence. As soon as I appreciated the scale of their envy and stopped thinking about them, they disappeared instantly.

Where to get new ones?

You know, when a person is busy with his business, his dream, people of his level, like-minded people automatically reach out to him. True, it often turns out that even they are not really needed.

An adult no longer has such a teenage desire to have many friends and pour hundreds of hours of time on them.

He always has a choice - to realize his dream at this moment, spend time with his family or spend energy on empty chatter, from which nothing in life will improve.

I am sure that you need to get rid of those with whom you feel bad. If you have kind and devoted friends with whom you like to spend time, you can only be congratulated.