How to respond to insults witty and polite. How to respond to insults. For rudeness, you can humiliatingly call offensive words

Any of us sometimes has to deal with human rudeness and listen to offensive words and expressions addressed to us. Someone has a tense situation at home, while someone is very unlucky with work, where a scandalous atmosphere prevails, ready at any moment to explode with a stream of abuse and insults. So how to respond to rudeness and rudeness?

Why is it necessary to respond to rudeness, and not be silent?

Psychologists have established that every aggressive trick from the outside gives rise to normal person auto-aggression, eventually resulting in a depressive mood, decreased performance, low self-esteem, etc. Such a reaction of the body does not bring anything good with it, and, therefore, it is necessary to learn effective protection against manifestations of alien aggression and the correct reaction to it.

Reasons for rude behavior

One of the most common causes gross attacks on a person is his underdeveloped. Such people are much more likely to become victims of rudeness than strong and self-confident individuals. Boars and rude people have a fairly well-developed instinct and will never mess with someone who can give them a decent answer.

If in front of them is a person from a different category, then why not amuse yourself and say something rude to him. Most often, the following types of people fall into the number of offended:

• highly cultured and brought up in the old traditions;
• having low self-esteem;
• trying to avoid conflict situations;
• with a high sense of guilt;
• afraid of hurting and offending other people.

In this situation, the reaction to rudeness can be different, but you should first work on your own so as not to be a constant victim of poorly educated citizens. The acquisition of inner strength will forever relieve third-party aggression, because a strong person cannot be an object of attack.

And why? Why did you take this insult personally? Do you feel guilty? Have not learned to respond to such psychological attacks?

You know the enemy by sight - it's easier to fight. Is it necessary? Or is it worth developing in yourself a certain tactic of responding (or rather, NOT responding) to insults. When a person deliberately wants to offend you - ask yourself the question - WHY?

Why is he doing this? Wants to humiliate you in order to exalt himself? Then his act causes compassion. This is the only way a person can assert himself.

Or he wants to hurt your nerves to piss you off. What for? He is looking for a lightning rod in you, he wants to drain his irritation somewhere.
Always think - why? And only after you understand the root cause and choose a model of your behavior. After all, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended. Sami. So, such a reaction is the result of his own choice.

Leo Tolstoy also said: “It's all about the mind. Thought is the beginning of everything. And thoughts can be controlled. And therefore the main task of perfection is to work on thoughts.”

The main groups of lovers of insults:

• Losers. Their only way to assert themselves is to belittle the other person.
• these are people who enjoy, energetically “feed off” due to quarrels, scandals, including insults to other people. They feel good when others feel bad.
• Aggressors: people who see everyone as an enemy. To protect themselves, they are the first to attack other people.
• Not educated people for whom the norm is communication in the language of insults.

If you immediately start reacting thoughtlessly after the insult, your offender will celebrate the victory. WHY?
Why give him such an opportunity! How do we respond to insults? A fool is a fool himself. A familiar picture?
When you see this from the outside, you understand that both of them are the most stupid people. One, due to the lack of upbringing and endurance, allowed himself such a thing, and the second, having tuned in to his destructive wave, accepted the conditions of this “game”. Both are worthy of compassion.

Sometimes we get insulted so unexpectedly that we don't even have time to respond positively. Offensive words hurt painfully, sharp needles enter the very heart. We are not sure what to say in the first minute, but “after the fight” we come up with a plan for revenge.
Now stop and look at the situation as if from the outside. Silly and funny. Wit on the stairs. What are we spending our precious lives on? A person has long forgotten about his attack, and you are carefully and scrupulously cultivating the seeds of revenge in YOUR soul. And they are very systematically destroying you from the inside. WHY?

If, nevertheless, you understand that it is you who is the master of your thoughts, and not vice versa, stop and imagine the whole situation from space. Are you crying now? Are you offended? And how would it look on a cosmic scale? Negligibly small and not worth your nerves. It even becomes funny - because of such a trifle there are so many experiences.
Have you calmed down? And now go to the window and carefully, but the smallest lines, consider some object outside the window. You switched your attention, took a deep breath and ... you felt better.

At first, it will not be easy to get rid of destructive thoughts, and resentment will remind of itself from time to time.
STOP! Stop the flow of sad thoughts. Sip delicious tea with lemon and honey. Listen to good music.. Watch a comedy. Play with pets. Switch to a positive wave.

If the offender is an outsider, then you should not be led to a provocation, indulge in mutual accusations and showdown. The wisest move is to ignore.

It's harder to do it when your boss or co-worker insults you. In this case, it is better to avoid conflict. If this is your boss and you still have to communicate with him, here you will have to develop a certain tactic of behavior.
Psychologists recommend that the first step is to understand what exactly in your work caused such a reaction, to isolate constructive criticism, where exactly you did not finish or made a mistake.

The next step is to protect your psyche from verbal "attack".
There is such an approach. It's called Aquarium. When the boss starts screaming and insulting half a turn, imagine him in an aquarium, like a fish that opens its mouth, but you can’t hear the words. Such a protective shell helps a lot to abstract. Words, like balls, bounce off without reaching the goal.

In general, as far as the boss is concerned, one must act carefully. In this case, before responding to an insult, you must imagine that you have a small, capricious child in front of you. And your task is to calm him down, pat him on the head, kiss him and feed him semolina. By placing yourself in such a situation, you will easily endure the attacks, meeting them calmly and with a smile. This will also affect emotional state chief.

If you watched the movie "The Matrix", then remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling with a ringing on the floor.

If silence does not work, you can respond with a little taunt.

“A gentle answer removes malice; hurtful words arouse anger.”
John Ruskin

A good reception, only it requires a certain hardening, endurance - to respond politely to evil insults. Or, at the very least, say calmly: "How rude and rude you are."
Sometimes it acts like a tub cold water on the offender. In any case, you get a pause and will be able to retreat from the battlefield with your head held high.

The most unfortunate, in my opinion, response technique is to shout all sorts of nonsense in response. Of course, in this way you become a twin brother and slide down to the level of this ill-mannered type. But sometimes it helps relieve stress. Especially if you took two octaves higher.

Much better help splash reception negative emotions in water. Open the faucet and just scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. How well it helps! Wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You are smarter! Give yourself five and try to draw healthy conclusions from this situation.

The man showed his true face. Can you remake it? Thankless work. Either you accept him for who he is, or that's the end of your relationship. The choice is always yours! The main thing is not to stoop to the role of a victim.
https://vk.com/wall-40916132_180608

We all had to hear insults addressed to us and, out of surprise, we did not know how to respond to them correctly. They began to be rude or cry from resentment. Below, a psychologist gives some tips on how to intelligently respond to an insult to an offender. Gives examples of phrases that will help you get out of an unpleasant situation beautifully.

First, let's talk about several types of correct reactions to an insult.

calmness

PS. Remember that an insult is a negative, intentionally statement of a person's assessment, which humiliates his honor and dignity. It can be applied orally, in writing, and even with a gesture. In this case, the object of attacks does not have to be present in person.
V Russian Federation This is punishable under Art. 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses.

Fragment of the book Kovpak D.V. They weren't attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012

How long can you put up with rudeness? In transport, at work, at a party, at home, online, on the street - anywhere! How long can you play the role of a victim? Patiently enduring any inconvenience, any manifestation of rudeness. A well-known psychotherapist and a courageous person, Dmitry Kovpak decided that enough was enough! Read his gripping stories and professional advice on how to deal with rudeness and cynicism. Dr. Kovpak is ready to change the world without bending under it! And you?

Basic strategies for overcoming rudeness

Effective countermeasures

Obviously, there are three approaches in relations between people. The first is to consider only oneself and suppress others... The second is to yield to others always and in everything... The third approach is to keep one's interests in mind without neglecting the interests of others.

Only the dead cannot be touched for the living. Each of us has been in situations where we have been wounded or psychologically traumatized. Naturally, there is a desire to punish or teach the offender a lesson or to minimize damage to the reputation and assessments of others.

What exactly to do? Tolerate or respond? How will all this turn out? And a host of other questions are relentlessly spinning in my head. This is not the first time this has happened, and not only to you. How was it answered earlier people already faced with a similar problem?

Once Confucius was asked the question: “Is it right to return good for evil?” To which he replied: "Good must be repaid with good, and evil must be repaid with justice."

Undoubtedly, if you regularly allow yourself to be offended, this can become a habit for your offenders. The desire to make a remark or even break loose with a rude person comes before there is a reason for this.

If you help unbalanced people by regularly giving them a platform to express their irritation, this tactic will automatically work for them. They no longer have to wonder who is to blame for everything.

So, confusing patience and prudence with fear and laziness, you can turn into a local scapegoat.

A person in reality is not as peaceful as he declares it and even as he thinks of himself. Therefore, waiting for your offenders to see the light on their own, to admit mistakes and injustices being perpetrated, may turn out to be too time-consuming and expensive strategy. Help them realize that they ran into the wrong person.

But do not answer the content of the opponent's speech, but the very fact of his intervention in other than his own business.

Whether there are winners in the fight with rude people is a moot and even rhetorical question. However, if you have already decided on martial arts, then some skills, technologies and useful information will not interfere with you.

Entering into a verbal duel requires a number of qualities and skills:

• efficiency of search and reproduction of information;
• wit, irony;
• resourcefulness, cunning, enterprise;
• the ability to use logic and consistent reasoning;
• mastery of rhetoric;
• stress resistance and tolerance (tolerance);
• noise immunity.

Quite often, people, defending their interests, behave rudely and unceremoniously, mixing the concepts of aggressive, passive-uncertain and confident behavior. The difference in these modes of behavior lies in the fact that, acting confidently, a person does not offend or suppress others, respecting the rights of people to the same extent as his own.

People who know how to properly stand up for themselves are much less prone to stressful conditions in difficult life situations and more often experience feelings of self-satisfaction and self-esteem.

People who act in an aggressive manner actually experience feelings of guilt, inferiority, or self-doubt, and their aggressive behavior is trying to mask these underlying feelings.

Key to confident behavior- this is the consolidation in regular practice of a new model of attitude and behavior.

Remember, what you say to a rude person is far less important than how you say it.

In order to successfully put boors and aggressors in their place in any situation, first of all, one must clearly realize the right to the inviolability of one's personality and personal life.

The manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, evidence of a person’s lack of worthy arguments.

“Jupiter, you are angry, so you are wrong,” Prometheus once said to the angry Jupiter, who was ready to throw lightning at him, finding no other answer.

The most ineffective way to respond to a boor is to get emotionally turned on and scream all sorts of nonsense in response. Thus, you become the twin brother of this ill-mannered type and slide down to his level. And most importantly, your emotions will show that his arrows hit the target and stung you.

But sometimes it helps to relieve stress. The cost of such a drop varies depending on the situation and the environment present at that moment, as well as the delayed consequences. Sometimes it is unreasonably high.

Receiving a splash of negative emotions into the water helps much better. Especially when the situation is already in the past, but you still want to “wave your fists”.

Open the faucet and just scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. At the same time, wash yourself with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You are smarter!

Imagine this situation: you were very angry with your boss, who harshly and rudely scolded you for a situation that you actually had nothing to do with. After he leaves, you slam your fist on the table, break two pencils, a pen and turn a whole stack of papers into a shapeless mass. Will these actions reduce your anger? And will they save you from the tendency to become angry with the leader in similar situations in the future?

According to the well-known theory of catharsis (purification), the answer in both cases will be yes. When an angry person blows off steam through energetic but harmless actions, the following happens: first, the level of tension or arousal is reduced, and second, the tendency to resort to open aggression against provoking (or other) persons is reduced.

These assumptions go back to the works of Aristotle, who believed that the contemplation of the production, forcing the audience to empathize with what is happening, can indirectly contribute to the "purification" of feelings. Despite the fact that Aristotle himself did not specifically propose this method for discharging aggressiveness, a logical continuation of his theory was proposed by many others, in particular Z. Freud, who believed that the intensity of aggressive behavior can be weakened either through the expression of emotions related to aggression, or by observing the aggressive actions of others.

While acknowledging the reality of such "cleansing", Freud was subsequently quite pessimistic about its effectiveness in preventing open aggression. He seems to have thought that his influence was ineffectual and short-lived. Indeed, watching movies or television programs with scenes of violence does not lead to a decrease in the level of aggression - on the contrary, such an experience is more likely to increase the intensity of aggressive manifestations in the future.

The level of aggression does not decrease if a person takes out his anger on inanimate objects.

Remember how we like to retell the myths about the basements of Japanese corporations, where supposedly employees thresh stuffed heads of their bosses and then calmly and contentedly go to the workplace. If people are given the opportunity to bludgeon inflatable toys, throw darts at images of hated enemies, or smash things to smithereens, it is not at all necessary that their desire to commit aggressive acts towards annoying individuals will decrease.

The level of aggression does not decrease after a series of verbal attacks either - on the contrary, the data obtained indicate that such actions actually increase the aggression of the opponent.

The English writer John Ruskin said, "A gentle answer removes malice."

This is also a technique. Only it requires sufficient hardening and exposure. In order to have enough patience for evil insults, respond politely and not lose your temper, not only externally, but also internally. This will require developing a lot of self-discipline.

In extreme cases, you can say a calmly neutral descriptive phrase, for example: “How rudely you just said. I do not like communication in this form / this tone. Sometimes this stops the offender or knocks him down for a while. In any case, you will get a pause and be able to leave the place of the verbal fight with your head held high.

So you eliminate the reason for subsequent returns to the situation in memories, which happens when an unrequited insult is swallowed, with the scrolling of "victorious scenarios" in fantasy - a virtual "waving fists" after a verbal fight.

The main thing is to maintain inner self-confidence.

Gandhi's mentally said phrase to himself would be appropriate: "They are not able to take away our self-respect if we ourselves do not give it to them." And the conclusions drawn from everyday experience that we often feel better (that is, less agitated or tense) in response to people who piss us off are really justified, as some very serious researchers of aggression claim.

If you have time, let the interlocutor finish speaking without obvious aggression, listen to him carefully, correctly and analytically.

To listen carefully means to perceive the words that are spoken, not to be too distracted by passing thoughts. That's right - to give feedback signals showing that you understand the interlocutor (for example, with a nod). Analytically - to capture the essence of the statement, while simultaneously perceiving information encrypted between words. Listening is a true art.

But there are situations when the interlocutor responds sharply negatively about you or lies. In such a delicate situation, this rule should be abandoned. Quietly interrupt the conversation at the moment when you notice that a lie was told: just politely and correctly correct the interlocutor. But please be brief.

For example, during round-table discussions or speaking on the podium, one must react immediately - if not with words, then with a negative shake of the head or gestures.

You can react to a negative statement later if it happened during the dialogue, but if a third person or audience is present, they will wait for your reaction. And the lack of reaction means consent!

Do not be afraid to break the rules and stereotypes if necessary. A smart person chooses tactics depending on the situation.

Question technique is the queen of dialectics. "Who asks, he manages!" - this is how one of the leading rules of the art of conversation is formulated in the form of a slogan.

Questions are often tools of pressure in order to demand information, deepen a topic of conversation, motivate interlocutors, or move a conversation from a material or technical plane to an emotional one. They also serve to demand an explanation, to insist on justice, to cheer up the participants in the conversation or inspire them with something, to demand facts or to specify the statements of the interlocutor.

Therefore, remember the tactics of asking questions. With them you can stop the aggressor and boor. Don't be afraid to answer a question with a question. It is also a powerful tool.

The client asks:

• And why do all realtors answer a question with a question? Realtor's response:
• What do you think?

If someone tells you what to do, makes incorrect remarks, tries to test your knowledge in any area, or gives you grades that you did not ask for, you can fight back in one of the following ways described by V. Petrova.

The initial, most gentle and polite method of self-defense can be described as a "psychological barrier." With our polite and specific remarks, we can delimit our personal space, making it clear to the interlocutor that he is encroaching on someone else's territory. As a rule, already after the first stage of self-defense, most of the aggressors retreat.

Most often, this method is used when strangers or unfamiliar people express their thoughts, comments, or give us advice that we did not ask for.

Here are examples of such responses:

• Thanks for your attention, you don't have to worry about it.
• Please don't worry about our business, we can handle it ourselves.
• Please don't pay too much attention...
• Please don't bother yourself...
• I'm sorry, but is this your business? Don't say "None of your business" - that sounds more rude, and avoid saying "It's my business" because it draws attention to you (puts the spotlight on you) rather than your opponent's behavior.
• A variant is possible - to remind the attacker that only the court or the Lord God has the right to judge, and the aggressor has no right to give assessments to other people. The power of these words lies in the fact that each person implicitly understands that he himself is not perfect and does not have the moral right to tell others. Any critic and boor can be ridiculed for assigning them the role of a judge: “Who are the judges?”
• “On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you examining me?” - such answers are formalized, but it helps to maintain one's own confidence by association with the power of the bureaucracy and confuse the unbridled boors, who often operate with vernacular. The aggressiveness of this response is significantly muted, and it can be used even in conversations with superiors in case of strong pressure.
• “Let God decide. Or do you want to assume its functions? Whether you're talking to an atheist or a religious fanatic, it will still work. Forwarding "to God" is an effective technique, since everyone understands that by giving an assessment to another person, he clearly exceeds his authority.

It is necessary to distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism.

Everyone makes mistakes, and so do you. If you were criticized on the case (for example, in your point of view you did not take into account some fact, did not notice something, made some mistake or oversight) - thank the critic, for example, with the words: “Yes, indeed, I did not take into account / took into account this fact. Thank you, I will keep it in mind”, “Thank you, I just didn’t notice this”, “I’ll think about it, thanks for the comment / information”.

A number of techniques for rebuffing rude people are based on the principle of transferring attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.

An example is the phrase of one of the characters in the film “Kin-dza-dza”: “Did someone tell you that you are smart, or did you decide that yourself?”

Another option for switching attention to the personality of a rude person is a description of his actions. Any action of the interlocutor can be presented in the form of a picture, only written not with paints, but with your words.

A person who behaves unworthily, as a rule, does not realize that the ugliness of his behavior and the motives that make him act in this way are perfectly visible to others, or simply displaces understanding of this. Strange as it may seem, it seems to the aggressor that people perceive only his words, but they do not see him (do not evaluate him). Therefore, in order to confuse the enemy, one should describe his behavior in the form of a visual picture, for example: “Do you yourself hear what you are saying?” or “Do you understand how you look now?”

People who like to speak for others, in particular, to broadcast from the position of "highest values", "norms of morality and morality", can also be put in their place.

You should ask the person who, for example, accused you, who specifically was harmed by your actions. If not to him personally, then you are not obliged to talk to him and even more so to report to him. Answer: “We will talk about this with the person whose interests were affected, but not with you.”

If the aggressor claims that you are causing damage to many at once, say: “If you wish, you have the right to apply to the appropriate authorities” (for example, to your superiors, to the house management, to the police, to the court, etc.). But in no case do not get involved in a dispute that you do not need. Do not make excuses, do not report to a person who is not an official, whose duties really include a legal assessment of your actions.

Talking to people who insist that you are harming some third party is not worth it, even if you have irrefutable evidence of your own innocence. Save this evidence in case authorized persons intervene in the case, to whom you really have to report.

The very fact that you have begun to justify yourself to a stranger indicates that you have reduced self-confidence, it is easy for you to feel guilty and you “owe” others too much.

No matter how self-confident and arrogant the boor may seem to you, remember that there are people in the world with whom he is afraid to talk the way he does with you.

Also, a rude person would not dare to behave in such a way if the situation was seen by people whom he fears or whose opinion he values. You can appeal to them: “Why don’t you repeat the same thing to such and such (say the name of this person’s boss, a relative whom he respects or fears, etc.)?”, “You don’t talk like that at work! »

Another option is to refer to virtual witnesses: “What do you think a well-mannered person would do in your place?” (you can give the name of a specific person whom the aggressor respects), “Why do you think other people don’t do this?”

If a person who is on duty behaves unworthily, you can comment on his behavior with the wish that his words be heard by a person who is honored by representatives of this profession.

Once a teacher called a student a swear word. He was not at a loss and said: "May Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky hear you."

Very effective is the so-called method of Milton Erickson (a famous hypnopsychotherapist), who used metaphors and stories that contained a hint or example of the behavior of the person to whom the story was intended.

Metaphor is a kind of indirect suggestion. This word consists of two Greek roots: meta - "through" and fore - "transfer". That is, a metaphor is a means of transfer. What does the metaphor convey? It carries meanings, bypassing conscious controls and barriers.

For example, here is a story about how not everything is as rude as it seems at first glance.

Once a wanderer stopped a walking old man to find out how far it was to the city.

Go on, he replied in a monosyllable. The bewildered wanderer continued on his way, reflecting on the rudeness of the locals. But he had not gone even fifty steps, when he heard:

Wait! The old man stood on the road and shouted to the traveler:

You still have an hour to go to the city.

Why didn't you answer right away? exclaimed the stranger.

I should have seen what step you are walking, - the old man explained.

Or a story about jumping to conclusions.

The knight walked through the desert. His journey was long. On the way he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly he saw a lake in the distance. The knight gathered all the remaining strength and went to the water. But by the very lake sat a three-headed dragon.

The knight drew his sword and with the last of his strength began to fight the monster. Day fought, the second fought. Cut off two dragon heads. On the third day, the dragon fell exhausted. An exhausted knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet and hold his sword.

And then, with the last of his strength, the dragon asked:

• Knight, what do you want?
• Drink water.
• Well, I'd drink...

And finally, remember the enchanting film "Formula of Love" and the doctor's calm rebuke to the rogue Cagliostro using illustrative examples from life:

Yes, yes, agreed Cagliostro. - So many tales have been invented about me that I get tired of refuting them. Meanwhile, my biography is simple and usual for people who bear the title of master ... Let's start from childhood. I was born in Mesopotamia, not far from the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates, two thousand one hundred and twenty-five years ago ... - Cagliostro looked around the audience, as if giving them the opportunity to realize what he had heard. - You are probably amazed at such an ancient date of my birth?

No, it's not amazing, - the doctor said calmly. - We had a clerk in the county, in patchports, where the year of birth, only indicated one number. Ink, rogue, vish, saved. Then the matter cleared up, he was sent to prison, but they did not begin to remake the patchport. Document anyway.

© Kovpak D.V. They weren't attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012
© Published with the permission of the publisher

If you learn how to deal with bullying and insults, it will be easier for you to behave in such unpleasant social situations. To protect yourself from bullying and insults, assess the situation, respond appropriately, and seek help if needed.

Steps

Assess the situation

Realize that it's not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure themselves. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism, and a desire to be in control. By bullying others, they feel stronger. Realizing that the problem lies with the abuser, and not with you, will help you become more confident in the current situation.

Understand what drives your abuser. If you make an effort to understand why a particular person is insulting or teasing you, you will have the key to solving the problem. Sometimes people bully others to assert themselves, and sometimes they do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. Or they are just jealous of what you have done or achieved.

1. Develop a plan to avoid the person or situation if possible. Avoiding the abuser can help minimize the amount of abuse or bullying you experience. And while it's not always possible, come up with ways to cut down on the amount of time you have to spend with the bully, or avoid contact altogether.

   • If you are being bullied when you get home from school, work with your parents to develop a safe route to avoid bullying or abuse.
   • If you are being teased or insulted online, consider removing the offender from your social media or reducing the amount of time you spend on certain apps.

2. Determine if bullying is against the law. Sometimes bullying or insults are a direct violation of one of the codes or the Constitution of the Russian Federation. For example, if at work you experience sexual harassment by a colleague (not necessarily physical, but also verbal), this is already a violation of article 133 of the Criminal Code, and you must report it immediately.

   • If you are in school, you have the right to study in a safe, distraction-free environment. If someone is bullying you to the point that you don't feel safe or interferes with your studies (for example, by discouraging you from coming to school), you should discuss this with your parents or teacher.

3. Learn to be a more determined person . The ability to be decisive will help you deal with bullying. To be decisive, it is important to be able to say “no” to people, as well as clearly and clearly express your needs.

   • Tell me what specifically worries you. For example: "You often tease me about my hair, calling me a poodle or a lamb."
   • Express your feelings about the bullying. For example, you could say, “It makes me angry when you say these things because I personally think my hair looks amazing.”
   • Say what you would like. For example: “I want you to stop making fun of my hair. If you do it again, I'll leave."

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8 simple tricks to deal with rudeness.

In France, there is the phrase "l'esprit d'escalier" - "wit on the stairs" - a situation in which the right words to answer the interlocutor were found too late, when you had already left the room on the stairs. It is especially disappointing if there was no timely response to someone's unexpected boorish attack - the impudence of a rude person is often completely confusing.

How to avoid the unpleasant consequences of a boorish attitude? You can, of course, answer "the fool himself" or proudly remain silent, but site invites you to arm yourself better. We have selected eight methods to help you protect your precious peace of mind.

How to react correctly?

You probably noticed that almost no one is rude to some people, while others constantly fall under the hand? Many boors have remarkable intuition and observation. They choose their victims according to the principle of strength-weakness: “This one is sharp on the tongue, it’s better not to mess with him, but you can with this one. He's probably going to say something stupid in response."

The last category includes people with low self-esteem, too cultured and well-mannered, people with an increased sense of guilt, afraid of accidentally offending another, as well as people who avoid conflicts and conflict situations.

Before engaging in fights with offenders, you need to work on your self-esteem, self-confidence and inner strength. After all, it is almost impossible to be rude to the strong.

Politeness

Hams are cowards, they are not accustomed to frankness and calmness. They need to piss you off, don't make them happy. The main thing is to find a middle ground in how to answer: the tone should be calm, you should not apologize or scoff.

For example, someone climbs, pushing, out of turn:

• "Of course of course. Come on, have a nice day."

Another example of a polite response:

• Bus conductor:“Why are you giving me 500 rubles? I don't have change! I'll land now!"
  Passenger(in a serious but calm tone): “I have a long way to go. I would be very grateful if you manage to change the banknote.”

Alienation

If you often have to deal with a boor - for example at work, then best method there will be cold politeness and the immediate termination of the conversation as soon as it goes beyond the permissible limits. For instance:

• “Sorry, I have a lot of work right now and don’t have time to listen to you.”
• “I’m sorry, but with questions like this, you better go to the boss (to a specialist, to another employee, etc.), because I have clear instructions not to talk about it (this is not in my competence, I don’t do this anymore and etc.)"

Psychological aikido

The essence of psychological aikido is to use his own strength against the opponent. Let us remember the good soldier Schweik, who, as you know, did not respond to the insults of those who offended him, but ... agreed with them. “Schweik, you are an idiot!” they told him. And he immediately answered: "Yes, I'm an idiot!", - and remained the absolute winner in the verbal "battle" from the first second.

Imagine this dialogue:

• - When will you learn to park? Well, you are a fool!
  - You're right, I'll never learn how to park because I'm stupid.

Or another example:

• "As you said? Am I a lousy intellectual? Yes, I'm really a lousy intellectual. If you don't want to get infected, stay away."

Humor

When a person wants to say something bad, he draws air into his lungs. If you make him laugh at this moment, he will relax. Accompany your joke with a smile, you can even praise your opponent.

• The secretary went to the director during a meeting to bring tea. But she failed. Catching her heel on the carpet, she slammed to the floor, knocking over all the cups. Seeing the director's face turned purple with anger, the secretary blurted out: "You are so stunning!" Everyone in the room immediately laughed.

boredom

This method is suitable for administrators of forums, groups in social networks, etc. It is known that many community members, knowing full well the general rules, deliberately violate them, and then blow up the personal accounts of administrators, expressing sincere disagreement with the fact that they were added to the ban list. When arguments end, rudeness begins.

Of course, you can ban the dissatisfied in a personal, but if you need to defend the rightness, try to describe in detail all the flaws of the violator without emotions. At first, the interlocutor will blow off steam in the hope of having fun, but, having met with a dry official language, he will get bored and fall behind.

• Participant:“Why did I get banned? This is arbitrary! Then write on the page: “We do what we want, we ban the one we want!”.
  Administrator:“You violated paragraph 2 of the rules of such and such. You have been banned for two weeks in accordance with the rules of the forum."
  Participant:“I didn’t break anything and my pictures are normal! It’s you who find fault there, you yourself don’t understand anything in photographs, so don’t interfere!
  Administrator:“For insulting the administration, your ban is extended for another two weeks.”

Hedgehog care

Imagine a hedgehog that released its thorns out of fear. On the one hand, the hedgehog is angry and prickly, and on the other hand, it is small and frightened. One has only to take care of him, as he softens, hides the thorns and puffs contentedly, drinking milk from a saucer.

Same with the abuser. Take a condescending, compassionate stance. Praise him, give him a friendly pat on the shoulder, give in, let him win a game or two, wish him all the most beautiful things in the world. After all, it is quite easy to do. Having calmed down, the offender will no longer be afraid of you and, most likely, will understand that in addition to enemy competition, there is peaceful coexistence and partnership.

Ignoring

The general method for all causes of rudeness is "Ignore". After all, sometimes silence is good, safe and ... beautiful. If you do not need anything from the offender, you are not psychologically ready to fight with him, or your offender, as you think, is psychologically unhealthy, dangerous to life and health - use the Ignore method.

not without reason folk wisdom says: “the fool screams, but the smart one is silent”, “of the two arguing, the one who is smarter is wrong.” Hams always strive to win your attention, they also need to somehow feed on your energy. That is why the usual ignoring for them is one of the worst punishments.

It is important to consider: ignoring must be correct. Without a hurtful look and sad sighs. The boor should not take your ignoring for swallowing resentment, inability to respond or forgiveness. There shouldn't be any emotions. The offender for you is an empty place. You are happy successful person who has no time to notice such nonsense.

Effective responses to rudeness

If you can’t keep silent, try to answer in an original and apt way:

• "It's all?" or "So what?"
• "I had a better opinion of you"
• "Rudeness does not suit anyone, and even more so for you,"
• “Do you politely answer or tell the truth?”,
• "Why do you always try to look worse than you really are?",
• "Thank you for being so attentive to my person,"
• “You want to offend me? What's the point?"