How to heal a soul from suffering and resentment. How to deal with heartache. Immerse yourself in the state

“When you feel unbearable, don't say - I feel bad.

Speak - I am bitter, because a person is treated with a bitter medicine ”.

The Weiner Brothers, Loop and Stone in Green Grass.

Heartache... As much as we would like to get rid of her once and for all, she is an eternal companion of our development, a journey of a lifetime. We lose loved ones, suddenly find ourselves in front of a difficult choice, difficult circumstances overtake us, we break off relations with our loved ones ... And then an uninvited guest comes - pain. He does not stand at the threshold, does not observe, but unceremoniously crawls into the soul, destroying joy, hope, belief that we will one day be able to recover from this burden on our way. And the arms drop, and the back hunches, and the heart is squeezed by a vice, and there is a lump in my throat, and I want to cry, and, hugging myself by the shoulders, swing slowly and monotonously, like a pendulum counting endless stretching seconds ...

And since mental pain sooner or later comes to each of us, you need to learn to coexist with it in this difficult period. This post will give you a slightly different perspective on the mental suffering we all experience. And take a bitter medicine in order to quickly recover.

The first thing I recommend for those who are in pain in their souls to start is to accept the postulate that pain opens eyes to the truth ... She is actually an indicator of the truth. It means that the time has come not to drown in sorrow, like a frog in milk, but to beat the butter with our actions and understand why this pain is given to us.

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The first lesson in heartache.

Answer the questions: “What truth is my heartache pointing to? What experience will I learn from this situation? " Write them down in your journal, and periodically return to this entry. Answer these questions again after a week from the day of the first answer, after a month, three, six months. You will notice how a feeling of gratitude for what happened will begin to grow inside you. Pain was a stimulus for your development, for new qualitative changes taking place in your personality in particular, and in your world in general. Sooner or later, you will thank your pain for making you raise your head and decide to take a step forward and up the ladder of life.

Although we call this pain mental pain, our body helps to heal from it. The body is the wisest instrument that we possess, without fully realizing its greatness and almost endless possibilities to emotional and physical regeneration. How can the body help? It's all about the relationship between emotions and physiology. Emotion, like a wave, passes through our body, and if the process is not interrupted, we live fully, without clamps and psychosomatic diseases. But if the emotion is not lived through, cut off or driven inside, it will manifest itself in our body in the form of muscle spasms, undiagnosed pain syndromes or diseases, which in the common people are called "diseases from the nerves." In order to quickly get out of a painful state, you need to actually return the body to reality... Remember, when we are in pain, we seem to freeze in time, and this is because we focus on those emotions that broke us, we get stuck in them, as if in jelly. And reality is of little interest to us. Therefore, the main task during this period is to turn on the body.

The second lesson in heartache.

If you are not exercising, start doing. If you do, include these simple exercises in the program.

1. Breathe in by inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Do this at your usual pace, let the breaths be shallow so that there is no hyperventilation. Concentrate on your breathing, try not to think about anything. 2-5 minutes will be enough.
2. Sit on the floor, bend your knees and wrap your arms around them. Hands in a strong lock. Stretch your knees to the sides, trying to break the restraining lock of your hands. Repeat 10 times.
3. Stand up straight. Feet shoulder width apart. The knees are slightly bent. Imagine that there is a piece of paper or newspaper on the floor under you, and you need to rip them open with your feet. You can actually stand on a newspaper sheet and tear it apart with the effort of your legs to capture the image in your brain more vividly. Remember the impression. Repeat the exercise 10 times.

Do these simple exercises when sadness rolls in, when heartache returns, when emotions take you into the past. Put your body in the here and now mode and the pain will subside.

In a period when it is desperately difficult for us to live, we need to take great care of ourselves, to show ourselves, no matter what, love and respect. Three verbs to write in your diary and stumble upon them every day, three verbs that will slowly pull you out of the cave of heartache. Three verbs "eat, sleep, walk." Watch your diet, do not throw anything into yourself, as if into a furnace, try to provide the body with vitamins and do it regularly. Sleep is a very important component of our health. Go to bed earlier. The body recovers most actively from 22:00 to 03:00. This is actually a magical time when an hour of sleep makes up for the huge loss. Practice micro-sleep throughout the day, small 10-15 minute naps. And move more, walk, walk. Get off two stops early and walk to work or home, spend the weekend in nature. Get in the habit of walking for at least 10 minutes at lunchtime.

And even then, when you find it unbearable, remember those around you and start caring. Sometimes it is very difficult to do this, because all feelings and sensations are focused on yourself. But overcoming this selfishness, showing concern for others, you will feel an incredible surge of strength and desire to live. Because the people you help will be grateful to you. And gratitude is the best incentive to rise and move on.

The third lesson in mental pain.

Do good deeds and show concern for others as if you were caring for yourself.

Whether you help your parents or children, build a birdhouse, go to a public cleanup, give shelter to a homeless kitten, bring milk from the market to your old lady neighbor, the value of your action on a global scale is not so important. But if you see grateful eyes, if you feel how slowly inside you it becomes brighter, if you want to cry, but there is a smile on your lips, then you are on the right path. This means that your soul is being treated. And very soon you will be able to see your new life, in which there will already be less pain, and the belief that you can cope will grow stronger with every breath and step.

Sometimes we love a person so much that it leaves deep wounds in our soul. The pain of being rejected is no less than physical pain. And it doesn't really matter if your boyfriend offered to break up after a long relationship or a new acquaintance refused to go on a date with you. Healing mental wounds is a very long process, but you need to gather your strength and go on a long journey to your renewed self.

Steps

Part 1

1. Allow yourself to feel sad. Heart wounds are always painful. You cannot ignore the fact that your experiences are causing you suffering. This means giving yourself time to process the emotions that come with heartache. Through these feelings, your brain literally tells you how badly the incident has hurt you. There is no need to artificially suppress these emotions in yourself.

   • Create a healing space. You need time and space to relive your emotions and let your bitter feelings go free. When you are overcome with heartache, try to find a quiet place where you can deal with the surge of emotion that sweeps over you. Sometimes it's enough to go for a walk, retire in your room, or just make yourself a cup of aromatic tea.
   • When a person experiences mental pain, he goes through certain stages of this process, during which he experiences feelings such as anger, pain, grief, anxiety, fear and acceptance of what happened. Sometimes you may feel like you are literally drowning in your own emotions, but if you can determine exactly how you go through each stage of the experience, it will help you get through the healing process easier and a little faster.
   • Try not to drown in your despair. There is a clear difference between simply giving yourself time to experience emotions and being completely overwhelmed by them. If you find yourself staying home for weeks, forgetting to shower, and life seems meaningless to you, you should seek professional advice as soon as possible. psychological help... These are signs that your grief process is too difficult for you to deal with on your own.

2. Live for today. If you want to deal with all your emotions at once and get rid of your heartache immediately, you are surely setting yourself an impossible task. Instead, move from one stage to the next gradually, and always live for today.

   • A good way to focus on a specific moment. own life is to try to live for today. When you catch yourself thinking over and over again in the past, stop yourself. Look around: what do you see now? what smell do you smell? What color is the sky above your head? what are your fingers touching? and the wind blows in your face?
   • Don't start coming up with a grand plan to forget the person who broke your heart. On the contrary, if you focus on how to deal with your grief, it will happen by itself.

3. Indifference. When the relationship is over or rejected, you will likely feel like a huge hole has suddenly opened up inside you. A huge black hole that consumes all the happiness from your life. At this point, many people make the mistake of trying to immediately fill this hole with something because they cannot bear this excruciating sensation. Yes, this feeling hurts you a lot, and you have the right to feel the emptiness inside.

   • Create a space for yourself where your ex is not. Delete his phone number and you won't be able to text him when you've had too much to drink. Add him to the "black list" in all social networks, otherwise you will find one day that you are looking at new photos in his account all night long. Don't ask mutual friends how your ex is doing. The more clearly you understand that the breakup has occurred completely, the easier it will be for you to heal after it.
   • Don't try to immediately fill the void left by broken love. This is one of the most common mistakes people make when trying to heal their wounds. Trying to start a new relationship right away to stop feeling pain and fill in the void left by the previous feeling doesn't really help you get through the necessary stages of experiencing loss. Your unlived negative feelings will sooner or later return to you, but they will become even stronger and more painful.

4. Tell us about it. You need to make sure you have reliable support to deal with your heartache. The strong support of your friends and family, and even your therapist, will help you get back on your feet sooner than anything else. Of course, close people will not fill the void left in your soul by your loved one, but they can help you better cope with this void.

   • Find a close friend or relative with whom you can talk about your experiences, especially on long, lonely evenings. Try to find a person or people who can give you emotional support to make up for the loss of support you received from your partner in the ended relationship. Ask your friends to let them call them whenever you feel an overwhelming urge to talk to the person you are currently trying to get rid of.
   • A diary can be incredibly helpful in this situation. Not only is it a good way to let your feelings free up, especially if you don't want to place the burden of your suffering on your friends, it is also an effective way to gauge your progress. After rereading old notes, you’ll suddenly realize that you’re now much less likely to think about your ex or notice that you feel like going on dates again (In fact, and not just to "fill the void inside, left by broken love").
   • Sometimes you may need to talk with a psychologist or psychotherapist. There is no shame in asking for professional help!

5. Get rid of things that bring up memories. If you constantly bump into objects that evoke memories of past love, it will only slow down your healing process. Don't keep in the closet the old pants your ex used to wear after work; get rid of that junk.

   • There is no need to ritual burn anything that reminds you of past relationships, especially if these things can be given to people who need them. But you must definitely remove these things from your life, one way or another. Also, depending on how bad your breakup was, ritualistic burning of things can unleash a barrage of feelings that were previously locked in your heart.
   • Take a thing and try to remember what exactly you associate with it. Then, imagine placing those memories in a balloon. When you get rid of the thing, imagine that the ball flies far, far away, and will never bother you again.
   • If you have any valuable things left in good condition, you can donate them to charity. In this case, you can imagine how much joy this thing will bring to the new owner.

6. Help other people. If you start helping others, especially those who have the same feelings as you, you can take a break from your own experiences. It also means that you are not drowned in your own suffering and self-pity.

   • Take time to listen to your friends and help them if they are having difficulty. Don't just focus on your own heartache. Tell your friends that they can always count on you to listen and help if they need to.
   • Volunteer. Find work at a homeless shelter or charity canteen. Offer your help in rehabilitation centers or in animal shelters.

7. Unleash your imagination. You will imagine your ex coming back to you and talking about how stupid he was to let you go. You can imagine in detail how you are hugging and kissing this person, imagine in detail your closeness. Such fantasies are completely normal.

   • The more you try to stop your imagination, the more often such thoughts will occur to you. When you try not to think about something, especially if you yourself have imposed this strict limitation on yourself, in fact, you only think about it all the time.
   • Set aside a special time when you allow yourself to fantasize so you don't spend all of your time in an imaginary world. For example, you might set aside 15 minutes a day for yourself to think that your ex wants to be with you again. If these thoughts occur to you at a different time, put them aside until the allotted time for fantasies arrives. You don’t refuse to think about it, you just put off these thoughts for later.

   Part 2

   The beginning of the healing process

   1. Avoid anything that provokes memories. If you have already gotten rid of all the things that evoke memories, as described in the first part of the article, this will help you avoid such moments. However, there are other things that you should keep in mind. Of course, you will not be able to avoid them completely, but at least try not to look for them on purpose. This will help you recover faster.

      • The occasion can be anything from the song you played on your first date to the little cafe where you spent so much time together preparing for your exams. It might even smell.
      • You may encounter this even when you do not expect it at all. If this happens, determine what exactly triggered your memories, and what kind of memories this factor caused. Then try to switch to something else. Don't dwell on these feelings and memories. For example, when you stumble upon a shared photo of you on Facebook, admit to yourself that you feel sad and regretful about it, and then try to think of something good, or at least neutral. You may be thinking of a new dress tomorrow or having a kitten.
      • This does not mean that you should do your best to avoid these moments of provoking memories. You cannot do this. All you have to do is try as little as possible to deal with things that traumatize you and make you regret the past. You need to get your mental wounds to heal.

   2. Good music will help you heal faster. Music has been shown to have a therapeutic effect and help speed up the healing process. Listen to cheerful, energetic songs. Scientific research have shown that when you listen to this kind of music, your body releases endorphins that help you to perk up and fight stress.

      • Try not to include sentimental, romantic love songs. This kind of music won't help your brain release endophins. On the contrary, such songs will only intensify your sadness and stir up spiritual wounds.
      • When you find yourself feeling sad again, it's time to put on some energetic music to cheer you up. If you turn on dance music, you can simultaneously get endorphins from listening to cheerful music and energetic dance moves.

   3. Take a break from the heartache. After you've gone through the initial stage of giving yourself the opportunity to grieve and deal with your emotions, it's time to take your mind off your unpleasant thoughts. When you start thinking about your ex, do something, try to switch your thoughts to something else, come up with some new activity, etc.

      • Call those friends who said you can always count on them if you need help. Read the book you've wanted to read for a long time. Play a fun comedy (and get an added bonus because laughter helps you get well).
      • The more you do in order not to think about your ex and your emotional distress, the faster you will feel better. Of course, this is difficult. It is very difficult to control your thoughts all the time and keep track of how much time you spend thinking about your heartache.
      • Try not to get carried away with "pain relievers." It could be something that allows you to stop feeling pain for a while. Sometimes you really need something to give yourself a break from your heartache. Be careful, however, that such distractions do not hurt you, especially in the beginning when you need to learn how to deal with negative experiences. Alcohol or drugs can act as such "pain reliever", but it can also be continuous TV viewing or constant presence on the Internet. Or even food that you eat just to feel calmer.

   4. Change your lifestyle. One of the problems you are facing is that the habitual way of life that was formed when you were together was suddenly destroyed. If you start doing something new and change your lifestyle, it will open the door to new habits. There will be no room in your new life for the person who broke your heart.

      • You don’t need to change your life drastically to get rid of old habits. Do simple things like go shopping on Saturday morning instead of lounging in bed. try listening to music in a new style or discover a new hobby like karate or floriculture.
      • Try not to make radical changes in your life before you have carefully weighed the pros and cons. Especially try to avoid drastic changes in the beginning, immediately after the breakup. If enough time has passed and you want to show that you are really changing, then it's time to get something like a new tattoo or shave your hair bald.
      • If you have the opportunity to take a short vacation, take a trip. Even if you go on a weekend to some new city for you, it will help you take a fresh look at what happened.

   5. Don't hinder your own healing. Of course, relapses do occur from time to time when you try to recover from a failed relationship. This is normal, it is also part of the healing process. But there are some things you can foresee and thereby prevent them from throwing you back on your journey to a new life.

      • Pay attention to the words you usually use. When you say, "Monstrous!" or "Terrible" or "Nightmare!", you continue to see the world in black. This creates negative thinking. If you cannot think positively, try to at least stick to neutral language. For example, instead of saying "It's over forever!" Say "This breakup was very painful for me, but I will do my best to deal with it."
      • Try not to embarrass yourself. You don't have to drive past your ex's house every night and see if he has found a mate. Try not to call or text your ex while you're drinking. Such things only hinder your progress.
      • Remember that everything changes in this world. Your feelings today will be very different in a week, month, or year. We promise that the time will come when you can calmly remember this period of your life without experiencing pain.

   Part 3

   Accept what happened

   1. Stop blaming. An important part of your healing and acceptance is realizing that it is useless to blame yourself or another person. What happened, what happened, so you can't do or say anything to change what happened, so what's the use of blaming.

      • Try to find good feelings towards the other person. It doesn't matter what exactly he did or didn't do, try to find compassion in your heart for him and for what is happening to him. This does not mean that you should immediately forgive him, it only means that you will stop being angry with the person.
      • On the other hand, don't blame yourself. You can admit and ponder what exactly you did wrong in a previous relationship, and promise yourself that you will not repeat past mistakes in the future. But don't waste time worrying about your own mistakes over and over again.

   2. Feel when you are ready to move forward. It takes different times for people to heal from mental pain. It is impossible to name a specific period of time that will be right for you, but there are signs by which you can determine that you are moving in the right direction.

      • You no longer worry if you find on your phone several missed calls from an unknown number.
      • You have ceased to represent in paints the scene that your ex returns to you and begs you for forgiveness on his knees.
      • You stopped finding associations with your life in films and songs about unhappy love. You notice that now you enjoy reading and listening to things that have nothing to do with this topic.

   3. Try to understand who you really are. There is one thing that usually goes unnoticed during the time that you are in a relationship with someone, and in the first stage of grief after the end of the relationship. This is the ability to be yourself. For a long time, you felt like a part of your couple, and then - someone who grieves over a lost relationship.

      • Work on your personal development, both external and internal. Play sports or change your appearance. Such things are great at helping to raise self-esteem, which must have suffered during the breakup. Determine what traits of your personality you need to work on. For example, if you tend to show passive aggression when you're in a bad mood, try to work on finding healthier ways to show your anger.
      • Develop personality traits that reflect your identity. When you spend all of your time with another person or trying to deal with the aftermath of a breakup, you tend to pay less attention to your personal interests. Try to re-establish relationships with people you didn't have enough time to communicate with during the relationship and after the breakup, and again do what you really care about.
      • Try something new. It can help you meet new people who never met the person who broke your heart. Learning new things can help your brain get away from heartache and start living in the present.

   4. Try not to go back to the past. You do not want to interfere with the healing process of your mental wounds, so do not do anything that will provoke your mental suffering again. Sometimes this cannot be completely avoided, but you can try to minimize the risk.

      • Don't let this person appear in your life too quickly, or at all. You will only dissolve your own mental wounds and feel your unhappiness with the same acuteness. Sometimes you can't be friends with your ex.
      • If you did, don't despair. The work that you have done to heal from mental wounds has not been wasted. You will win anyway. Do not give up. When it comes to relationships, everyone has experienced relapses of heart pain in one way or another.

   5. Do what brings you joy. When you do something that brings you joy and happiness, you trigger a rise in dopamine levels in the brain. This Chemical substance, which helps a person to feel happy and deal with stress (its level after a breakup can rise to a critical level).

      • Do something that doesn't bring up the memory of your ex. Start doing something new, or return to hobbies that you abandoned when you were in a relationship.
      • Learn to be happy. People are more willing to communicate with those who are happy, because happy people help others feel happy too. Of course, you can't bring yourself to feel happy all the time, but try to do the things that bring joy and live the life that makes you feel happy.
      • Reward yourself for every small victory. If you've never thought about your ex all day, reward yourself with a delicious cocktail or a slice of cake.
   • Continue to love yourself, even if it seems overwhelming to you. In the long run, it will make you stronger.
   • By helping other people, you are helping yourself. Give people good advice and don't show negative feelings.
   • A good joke will make you laugh even during this difficult time. Even if you find it inappropriate to have fun at such a moment, laugh and life will be a little happier!

   Warnings

   • Don't just rely on our advice. If you feel that you have become worse, consider, perhaps you need professional psychological help.
   • You don't need to hurt yourself, even if you feel like you've lost the love of your life.

Definition of mental pain

What is pain in the soul? Is it a disease or a defense reaction of the body?

From the point of view of a doctor, this is both.

The brain, in this way, tries to convey to us, to signal that it is sick and needs help to cope with today's problem. If you do not help him today, then tomorrow this condition can provoke the formation of a more complex mental pathology.

Mental pain as a defensive reaction

Anyone can experience mental pain, including a mentally healthy person, for example, who has experienced a significant loss of someone or something.
Many conflicts, seemingly insoluble, in people with a certain personality type (suspicious, anxious, with increased responsibility, always doubting everything) can cause a feeling of pain in the soul. In these cases, mental pain is regarded as a protective reaction of the psyche to excessive stress.

Mental pain as a symptom of the disease

However, it is not uncommon for mental pain to be a manifestation (symptom) of mental illness (mental disorder). It should be noted that the very expression - "mental illness", has a direct origin from the words mental pain. Feeling distressing is the most common symptom of the most common mental disorder recent years- depression.

Causes

All the reasons for experiencing pain in the soul, as mentioned above, can be divided into two groups:

• the first - illness (mental disorders and behavioral disorders),
• the second - psychological (psychogenic), conflicts between "real" and "desired" (true neuroses).

Help with mental pain

It is possible and necessary to help a person experiencing mental pain.

In some cases, help is conversation and support, or, conversely, isolation and temporary loneliness.

In others - neurometabolic therapy with the use of special methods of psychotherapy and medications, constant strict supervision by the attending physician.

Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all remedy for mental pain. Each case requires an individual solution.

Treatment

Can you relieve or relieve mental pain yourself? If so, how?

If the pain in the shower is not a symptom of a mental disorder, then you can try to treat the mental pain yourself with some measures, such as: take a contrast shower, try to give physical activity(squats, jogging, swimming), try to sleep.

If mental pain is a manifestation of any disease, then you need the help of a specialist psychotherapist or psychiatrist. The problem is that, as a rule, with mental disorders, a critical attitude towards their condition can decrease, and the sick person does not seek help, does not turn to a specialist. A healthy person who, after stress, suffers from pain in his soul, on the contrary, is inclined to seek support, help from loved ones, tries to find a way to treat mental pain, turns to a doctor for advice.

What to do if you or your loved one is seized and does not let go of the pain in the soul? If, moreover, it is also getting stronger day by day?

There is only one answer. You need to go to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

First, he knows how to quickly help and relieve this painful feeling.

Secondly, if mental pain is a manifestation of any mental disorder and treatment is required, then the psychotherapist will be able to choose therapy (medication and psychotherapeutic).

The Brain Clinic provides adequate assistance to all those who apply with different types and varying degrees of severity of pain in the soul.

Call +7 495 135-44-02

We will help you or your loved ones get rid of mental pain!

We help in the most difficult cases, even if the previous treatment did not help.

People go to psychologists often with one goal - to immediately numb the pain. To quickly stop feeling

Fast time. Fast change of feelings. There is no place for pain to live.

People go to psychologists often with one goal - to immediately numb the pain. To quickly stop feeling - and again running, into life, into work, into the family. Like robots. To live and not worry. To live and not get in the way of obsessive thoughts. To live and not feel.

Because pain is about feelings. This is an indicator. Where integrity is violated, it hurts. Where there is a wound, it hurts. Where there is a wound, it cannot but hurt. If the body is alive, it reacts with pain to injury, illness, or malfunction.

There is a way out: to become a cyborg, then it will not hurt. Never ever. But then the sunset will not please, and the wine is not tasty, and the cat does not touch. This is also about feelings.

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The wound does not heal instantly. Let's anoint the pain reliever with ointment. Let's put on a bandage. But the wound will not heal before all the protective and restorative mechanisms work. Blood cannot be forced to clot faster, and cells cannot regenerate faster. Everything happens at its own pace and in due time.

The same is with the psyche. She must be allowed to work out all the stages. Do not hold it on purpose (do not pick out the wound), do not accelerate (smear one remedy after another right there). You have to give yourself a CHOOSE.

The loss hurts. Parting hurts. A message with bad content hurts. The unanswered message hurts. A harsh word hurts. Dislike hurts. Ignoring hurts. Jealousy hurts.

We must not run, not save ourselves, but live. You have to get sick. As with the flu, you need to lie down in bed sipping lemon tea. We must accept this pain and this state. Recognize and name what you feel. "Yes I am jealous". "Yes, I'm afraid of losing her, I'm mortally afraid." And feel. Cry. Get angry. Pour out anger. Suffer looking at photographs. Write stupid letters. You can not send, but write. Devote some of the time to getting through the pain of the situation. Stay in it. Without smearing. Without switching. Without being distracted. Set aside time to consciously experience pain.

The psyche itself will turn on defense mechanisms. If you do not interfere with her, she will turn it on. He'll get over it - and apathy, indifference will come. Then a calm understanding of what happened will come. Then - acceptance of the situation and the desire to move on. This is what you wanted to get right away, immediately, at the very beginning.

I understand, a strange recipe. But you yourself know: the effect of any pain reliever ends, and the wound stops hurting only when it heals