How to lie psychology. How good it is to learn to lie. oh rule of science lies
Before we move on to the actual technique of lying, we need to decide on one very important thing. Try to answer the question: what is a lie for you? Fun like an innocent lie for a laugh? An immoral act, for which you will be ashamed later? A test of strength in manipulating other people? Success in mastering the complex and multifaceted art of deception depends very much on how exactly a lie and its purpose are perceived. We propose the perception of lies as a weapon that is used primarily for self-defense, but in some cases can also be used to attack.
By defining lies for ourselves in this way, we solve two serious problems at once. First, it is a moral issue. A correct definition of lying reduces the question of morality and the permissibility of deceit to the question of morality and the permissibility of the use of weapons. After that, the lie appears in purely technical and legal aspects, losing its traditional ethically negative connotation. At first glance, this trick may seem insignificant, but in fact it is not. To successfully deceive, the liar must feel absolutely right. Just as exactly as a person who uses a weapon in self-defense feels right. Awareness of inner rightness makes a lie unrecognizable by technical means that determine stress. It is this feeling that eliminates the need to excel in numerous techniques that help disguise a lie. An inwardly right person will never show signs of lying, such as rubbing their face, hiding their hands, or flushing their face.
Secondly, a lie, like a weapon, requires the most serious attitude. Countless insufficiently responsible people have paid the price for their frivolous attitude towards weapons. But those who have been seriously affected by the frivolous use of lies are thousands of times more. Have you ever wondered why the sword is sacred to the samurai? Yes, because a sacred thing cannot be played with and indulged in, it cannot be used for other purposes and thrown anywhere. It's scary to even imagine what you can do with a meter-long scalpel weighing one and a half kilograms, if you treat it as casually as you would treat slippers. Deception is a high art, no less difficult and dangerous than swordsmanship. And any other attitude towards him will sooner or later lead to disastrous consequences.
Lie Technique - Preparation
1. Realize yourself as a Liar. And realize that it's good. Not ashamed, not disgusting, not humiliating, but good. Because it gives you an edge over those who can't lie. In exactly the same way as a weapon gives an advantage over the unarmed. Realize that all attempts to vilify the art of lying are essentially attempts to disarm you and make you weaker. Do not listen to anyone, and arm yourself, including the ability to lie correctly. Use this weapon like any other - to protect yourself and your loved ones. And be proud that you are a Liar, be proud of your power.
2. Always tell the truth. Except when it's absolutely necessary to lie. It's like with a samurai sword - don't chop wood with it, don't shave your hair, and don't chop nuts with the hilt. A skillful liar is simply obliged to have a reputation as an honest person. The point is not only that an honest person will be believed faster. Any lie is costly because it requires further maintenance. At a minimum, it is necessary to remember everything that is presented as valid, not being such. And as a maximum, significant amendments to behavior may be required, which can be very sensitive. In general, it is worth gradually accustoming others to the fact that your words always mirror reality. To do this, you need to regularly do two things: state undoubted facts, and never make assumptions that may not be confirmed later. After a while, people around you will unconsciously catch the connection of your words with reality, and you will not only get the opportunity to successfully lie, but you will also be able to convince others more easily - they will believe you.
3. Constantly train the technique of lying. At first glance, this advice contradicts the recommendation to always tell the truth. But it's not. The truth must be told about what can be verified. If a fact cannot be verified, it is the perfect lie trainer. Let's take an example. To friends at work who are not in your house, you can tell a whole story about what happened to you at yesterday's dinner, and what dishes you had to taste. Just don't come up with something out of the ordinary. In lying, you need to be as accurate and modest as possible. If you ate meat and drank red wine, lie that you drank white and enjoyed a fish dish. Take the exercise seriously - you are honing your weapon skills, no more and no less.
4. Make the lie true. Not in the sense of conformity with reality, but in the sense of being right in a lie. To do this, it is necessary to realize with all clarity the relativity of moral norms. For example, walking down the street naked is uncivilized, and well-mannered person will not do so. But when, during a fire in Japan, women refused to jump out of the windows onto a rescue trampoline because they were afraid that the kimono would open and the firefighters would see their nakedness, it was clearly too much. Another example. Stealing is not good, everyone knows this from childhood. But if a drug that saves a life can only be stolen, then it necessary steal. And if a mother has only one way out to feed her child - to steal food, then her necessary steal. If it is necessary to lie to protect yourself or your loved ones, then by lying, you will be absolutely right. Not lying in this situation means becoming a traitor. By the way, Islamic countries, famous for their cruelty in reprisals for theft, understand this very well. Therefore, those caught stealing for food will be released without punishment. Remember to apply this principle to your workouts as well. In honing the technique of lying, you are absolutely right, as you are preparing one day to skillfully apply a lie in a critical situation.
Lie Technique - Practical Techniques
If you have succeeded in the preparatory stage described above, you will not need to master most of the standard lie disguise techniques - your non-verbal signals will indicate that you are telling the truth. However, some subtle points still need to be taken into account.
1. Organize the lies so that as many of them as possible are true. In the most virtuoso deception, everything should be true separately, but when added into a single picture, a lie should be obtained. In practice, for a good, solid lie, you need to take care of a sufficient number of absolutely truthful facts and scenes that naturally and logically fit into the outline of the story. With each confirmed true fact, the thoroughness of the search for possible lies decreases, and usually eventually disappears. But that's not the point. Each lie will require a large number of details that link it to the events that really happened, and all of them will have to be included in the narrative picture. Therefore, such a costly lie must be saved.
2. Learn your version of reality. This means that you will be able to reproduce the entire course of events an unlimited number of times without discrepancies. After the sequence is firmly memorized, try playing it in reverse order. If you can't, you will be caught lying - you can remember what happened backwards, but it is much more difficult to reproduce an intellectual construct in the same way. Just do not get carried away, and use this technique solely as a test, no more than two times. Because too fast and confident scrolling of events in reverse order undeniably indicates preparation. You should also avoid memorized phrases that will instantly betray a liar. Tell about the event many times in different styles and expressions, from different persons - yourself, another participant in the events, a witness to the events, a friend of the witness of the events who learned everything from the stories of an eyewitness. Do not skimp on vivid descriptions and metaphors. If you want to achieve decent quality, give all these characters different personalities, and play a small performance of one actor. And remember: if you constantly tell a fictional version of events, or even better, write it down with an ordinary ballpoint pen many times, at some point you will begin to perceive it as true. This is exactly what we should strive for.
3. Liven up your version of reality. Just learning the content and sequence of events is not enough - it's just the backbone. If you lie that you spoke on the phone, they will definitely ask you what room you were in, what you were wearing, who was present during the conversation, etc. The same questions can be asked with a break of several days, and if there is no time wait, immediately after the received answer will divert your attention, and ask the same questions a couple of hours later. In order not to be embarrassed and not fall for such primitive tricks, one should not invent all fictional events, but take them from life. If you're lying about a phone conversation that took place, remember a very real phone conversation and integrate it into your version of reality in every detail. This will achieve another important effect. During lying, your eyes will move exactly as they should during recall, not during reconstruction. Psychologists interrogating you will appreciate it.
4. They say it's bad when everything is too good. This is very true for lies. Confident Recollection all details inevitably gives preparation. Highlight a number of minor details that you allegedly find it difficult to remember. The internal representation of most of these details should be variable, that is, have several possible options, from which you find it difficult to choose which took place in reality. While pretending to remember, attempt to reconstruct aloud. That is, demonstrate attempts to compensate for failure in recall with logic. Some very small details declare forgotten. To retain a detail in memory, a previous concentration of attention on it is necessary, and this happens only if this detail is important. Confident recall of unimportant details may indicate either a reconstruction with prior preparation, or the presence of hidden meanings that forced one to concentrate on supposedly insignificant points. Therefore, be prepared to explain the reason for your phenomenal memory to some trifles. For example, you can remember exactly the sweater you wore on a certain day, just because your wife gave you a scolding for wearing out-of-fashion items.
Two kinds of lies
So far, we have been talking about one kind of lie - about what was not, but is presented as having taken place. For example, in this way you can lie about a day full of work and worries, while in fact the day passed in more pleasant and relaxing activities. Or about a meeting that allegedly brought one result, while in fact the result was completely different. The second kind of lying, on the other hand, refers to denying what you actually did. Such an example - did you enter into an intimate relationship yesterday with the wife of citizen Ivanov? Or - did you take money from the cash register? Paradoxical as it may seem, it is often easier to make up and pass off even a very long story as the truth than to plausibly deny some real trifle that you nevertheless did.
This is due to two psychological features. Firstly, the point nature of the question limits the room for maneuver, and all the tension spills out in a matter of moments. In such a situation, the slightest falseness increases to incredible proportions. Secondly, the question is usually asked about committing a reprehensible act, and this is the most important thing! Even the most hardened villains, confident in total absence they have a tormenting conscience, suddenly gives out from unknown depths of the unconscious, a shadow of guilt that has surfaced. And the skin of the face begins to turn a little red, and the palms sweat, the breath is barely noticeably quickened, the eyes make a treacherous movement, and the throat dries up, forcing you to swallow saliva once again.
The point is not even that a person is ashamed of what he has done, but that such a majority counts shameful. That is, it may not even give a feeling of the abomination of the deed, but a herd feeling that makes you feel guilty "for the company", simply because it is customary. In order not to be disgraced in this way, it is necessary to pay the closest attention to developing a sense of one's own rightness, regardless of what is accepted and what is not. And if you personally consider your connection with the wife of citizen Ivanov to be correct, then it’s not for you to blush for her. And you can lie to the surrounding moralists so that they do not harm you in a fit of righteous anger. After all, it is so natural for moralists to harm another person just because his actions seem wrong to them.
And one more important remark about the second type of lie. Even if you lie that you didn’t do something, there must still be an affirmative construction of what you did in your mind. Let's go back to the example above. If you didn't take money from the cash register, what did you do instead? We must sincerely recall how you counted money, signed the statements, drank tea during a break and gave change from large bills. And the moment when in one version of reality you could take the money should be replaced with a moment from another version of reality, in which you carefully and for a long time checked the banknote that seemed suspicious.
17.09.17
A person who has never told a lie in his life is most likely either already dead or moved to live in an institution for the insane. Journalist Kolya Sulima tells how and to whom you can lie in order to sound convincing.
One night they called me and said that I had to go to the alarm in the store - this was part of my duties. Tired, on autopilot, I replied, "Sorry, I'm not home right now." At the other end, after a pause, they retorted: “How do you explain the fact that we are calling you at home?”
Let's not portray immaculate angels. We lie so much that none of us will remember our first time. Unless especially vivid episodes, and only in cases where we come across - successful lies are always erased from memory. Because we ourselves believed in it. V real world it is impossible to survive without lies. And if so, let's analyze how to succeed in this matter.
Let's start by debunking the myths presented by the film "Seventeen Moments of Spring". No one will give us, like Stirlitz, the opportunity to lay out match animals on the table for hours in an attempt to build a plausible version of events. You need to understand that by the time you are about to lie, you should have a plan of action and a story ready. Citizens from the cinematic Gestapo could afford to dismiss the nurses and marinate the spy so that he could compose an alibi for himself. They only had the fate of the Reich at stake, but you risk your career, family peace or your mother's health.
1. Design the legend ahead of time
Amateurism and carelessness are the key to immediate failure. It is easy to lie to children under the age of five. Their RAM will still erase everything without a trace, and the next day you will receive a clean version, fresh from the press. But if you are going to lie to an adult, then do not deny him the ability to critical analysis. Your version of events should be logical, flow from your usual lifestyle and daily routine. If you have never suffered from a love of painting, no one will believe that you cried for two hours before Pukirev's "Unequal Marriage".
2. Throw in details
The devil is hidden in the details. They make the legend believable. It is the details that are remembered best of all, and not at all the last of what was said, here I will again refute Stirlitz. It looks like he was a total liar. Lie only about places and events that you can accurately describe - you have been there. But have a sense of proportion - too bright details arouse suspicion. One or two anchors, casually served like an ace out of the sleeve, no colorful stories and gypsies with bears.
3. Involve a minimum of third parties
Turning a lie into a sequel to Warrior and Peace is extremely dangerous. If you have a dubious reputation behind you and your version will be checked, take precautions. First, clearly stipulate the course of events with accomplices. Do you already have compelling details? Describe them in detail to your partners.
Ideally, the number of witnesses should tend to zero. A loyal friend or girlfriend with sufficient IQ who can remember the date, time and place and put the facts in the correct order. The more people you involve in your plan, the more likely it is to fail. Someone at the time of interrogation will be drunk, someone is driving - and write wasted.
Women show an order of magnitude more courage and inspiration when it comes to complex designs. I know a girl who involved dozens of people in the system of lies to her own spouse: she managed to fly to different cities, once even paying for a ticket from her husband’s card. Someone took her from home “to the bathhouse”, for which she always had a backpack ready: on top of a towel and a washcloth, under them shoes and an evening dress, they came for her, for persuasiveness, taking their own child, or her husband himself took her to friend, but all her routes invariably ended in someone else's bed. Two years. In the end, of course, a divorce, but the network was never revealed.
4. Control the body
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In addition to your mouth language, you also have body language, which is often quite treacherous. For an inexperienced liar, this becomes a problem: in terms of expressiveness, body language is in no way inferior to verbal means and betrays red-handed no worse than fingerprints. Body language is read subconsciously: it is enough to be squeezed, avoid eye contact, fold your arms in a protective position - and now you are already starting to drive needles under your nails. And all the damn adrenaline that causes sweating, shortness of breath and unnatural movements. Try to lie on the phone first - so you will not be seen. If you need to lie personally, do breathing exercises, calm your nerves and act: a straight back, open arms, a firm look. Just don’t try to drink to relieve tension - tell everything as it was, and even slip out about that incident, which is embarrassing to remember.
5. Control your voice
Take a cue from Frank Sinatra when he sings "Strangers in the night". I am ready to believe his every word: I swear, everything was so. Why? And he presents it well! A man, however, is easier to deceive than a woman. Due to genetic reasons, women are much more subtle in capturing the nuances of speech and isolating inconsistencies from what they hear. It is this ability that allows them to hear the cry of their baby in the midst of the roar of an electric meat grinder. The highest category of complexity is wives and mothers. During the time that you spent together, your speech was recorded in their memory in the form of a certain set of vibrations (do not flatter yourself about the fact that women are interested in what you weave daily). Deviations in timbre and tempo are immediately registered and arouse suspicion. Lie better to men, so the risk of getting caught is much less. But in all cases, follow simple rules: relax the abdominal muscles, release your breath, breathe evenly. Laugh in the right places, there is nothing more useful for distraction than laughter.
6. Believe in everything yourself
The universal and invincible way to lie is to believe yourself that it was so. This is the major league, Oscar nomination in the Lie category. True, only true artists are capable of such a thing. The inspired chatter of these citizens will find its way to any heart: the eyes burn with a restrained brilliance, the voice lulls, the gestures inspire confidence, and here Konstantin Sergeevich wipes away an old tear, saying: “Darling, I believe you.” This takes time and preparation. Rehearse your part in front of a mirror, looking into the depths of your soul, memorize it from beginning to end and back until your legend begins to dream of you.
7. Attack!
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Politicians are creatures genetically predisposed to lying that inhabit our planet. In addition to natural hypnotic data, they usually also have methods of diverting attention. In case you are caught in a lie, use their know-how. There is no better defense than an attack - remind your opponent of an episode from the past when he behaved reprehensibly. It doesn't matter if it has anything to do with your lies, it is important for you to shift the blame from your head to a healthy one. Demagogy and self-confidence are the best helpers here: “How could you lie to me?” “How could you not love my grandmother? She moved from Shchuchin, just to be closer to you! ”, - and the conversation immediately takes a direction that is beneficial to you. The best instances of politicians immediately came up with offensive nicknames for their opponents based on physical and personal characteristics, but I do not recommend this method to you. Especially if you need to lie to your mother or wife.
8. Deny everything
Common sense, logic, even video recordings - everything gives in to the reinforced concrete word "no". If you lie to loved ones, the task is made easier - they are obviously determined to forgive you.
My friend's wife once found a pack of condoms in his bag. She carefully cut each in half and put the pack back, zipping it shut. Since then, none of them has hinted at the incident, but each drew the appropriate conclusions for himself.
People can cheat on spouses for years according to the schedule, while the second half will know where and why the first one goes every Saturday - everything, right down to the exact address. And don't make any noise. Only the most consistent of people will seek your final fiasco. If they act like this, chances are your relationship is in a coma. You will certainly be acquitted, be patient. The main thing - do not try to show weakness and begin to apologize!
9. Agree with everything
Paradoxically, this method works just as well as the previous one, especially with men. Without fear of being labeled a sexist, I will note that there is something incredibly attractive in a penitent woman. Either the cultural heritage of Mary Magdalene is to blame, or the alpha male valve is triggered, but I want to start forgiving immediately. Even the last of the men likes the role of the generous Caesar, looking out of the box at the gladiatorial circus.
10. Train your memory
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When embarking on the slippery slope of a liar, remember that you will have to keep in mind all the details of your compositions. A good lie is like a chess player: in cases of multi-move combinations, he keeps all the threads under control, like a spider in a web. Only a complete idiot will keep records, it’s better to admit everything right away, the result is still the same. The laziness of the mind is punished by exposure.
My friend had a heavy passion for order, she kept all her vacation photos on her work computer in the Vacation folder - both with her husband and with her lover. Convenient and no need to search. Needless to say, her husband dropped by her office one day asking her to send a couple of emails?
Lying is a high art. She combines acting skills and mathematical ability, trains the flexibility of the mind, memory and in the long run contributes to the longevity of the brain. If not for the moral and ethical nuances, I would recommend lying in the course high school. Alas, at the moment we are left with crosswords, puzzles and macrame courses.
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As children, we were taught not to lie. Never and no one. However, life, as often happens, crosses out school lessons and stubbornly pokes us into the fact that you cannot live without lies. And the tireless British researchers of everything in the world also add: it turns out that any adult person tells a lie about 88 thousand times in his life!
The list of the most common deceptions includes, of course, everyone's favorite "Good to see you", "No money, I'm broke myself now" and "Thank you, I really really like it." That is, they lie to everyone, to everyone and always. But some do it well, making life easier for themselves and pleasing others, while others do not do it very well, bringing only pain and suffering to everyone around.
So, how can you learn to cheat easily, beautifully and safely? In this case, as in any other, there are secrets and unwritten laws.
Small and big lies require the same attention
This is one of the main rules that the future master of lies must learn. Each of your deceit, regardless of its meaning, you will have to remember forever and build your further behavior based on this. However, it seems to some that it is good enough to remember only the most important deceptions, and lies on trifles do not deserve any attention. This is where inexperienced liars usually burn. Having piled up a whole mountain of lies, they then forget what, to whom and when they said.
Therefore, try to memorize well every, even the smallest, stroke. And since human memory is not unlimited and you definitely won’t be able to remember everything, the main rule follows from this:
Lie as little as possible. This is the only way to achieve authenticity.
Use distraction and switching
A real master of deceit, like a Spanish matador, draws his sword only at the decisive moment and strikes with just one blow. The rest of the time, he skillfully diverts the attention of the victim with the help of skillful movements with a red cloak. The art of lying uses similar techniques, and sometimes skillfully switching the interlocutor's attention to another object or changing the topic of the conversation altogether eliminates the need for you to lie. Think over in advance the line of your behavior in such a way that you do not have to tell a lie at all. Just do not overdo it, because inept possession of a muleta can cost the matador his life!
Practice
In any case, practice is needed, and in such an important matter as deceit, you definitely cannot do without it. But since practicing on living people is not very humane, we will train on ourselves. Stand in front of a mirror and repeat your lie until it looks completely natural. Ideally, you should convince yourself of the veracity of your words.
The ideal lie is the one that you were able to believe yourself.
Never make excuses or confess
If you are suspected of lying, then the worst thing you can do is to start writing more and more lies to justify yourself. If the building staggers, then it is necessary to escape from it, and not urgently complete the construction of new floors. Therefore, respond to all accusations with proud, offended silence or moving on to another topic.
As for the “voluntary surrender”, this is tantamount to a direct shot in the temple. Often there are situations when the truth is equally harmful to both sides and the side accusing you, just like you, despite all the harassment, would not want to hear it. Never give up, even when your back is against the wall. Stand your ground against logic, evidence and common sense.
Do not lie to your loved ones and those who love you
You can think over your line of behavior many moves ahead. You can practice brilliant acting skills in front of a mirror and develop the most believable intonations. You will provide yourself with alibis, witnesses, a second line of defense and escape routes.
And they still know the truth. It doesn't lend itself scientific explanation, we don’t believe in all these “heart feels” and “dreamed in a dream”. Let's put it differently: a special non-verbal psycho-physiological contact is established between some people, thanks to which they unconsciously feel the slightest changes in each other's state. So it's best not to even try. It still won't work.
Now you will learn a terrible thing. Just don’t grab your head in despair and don’t put yourself in front of a rhetorical question: how to live on? Live as you lived, but already armed with the knowledge that has been available to psychologists for a long time. The conversation is about ordinary human lies.
So, it is established that during the day each, mind you, each person deceives others at least 20 times. I mean petty lies. People are cunning, dodging, coming up with some non-existent reasons, deeds, that is, nothing serious. But the fact is there.
A person misleads others, pursuing some personal gain. And this, to put it mildly, is ugly. Moreover, bosses and subordinates, parents with many children and honored teachers, church ministers and even order bearers were noticed in unseemly deeds. Only those who are in intensive care do not lie. But everyone understands that they are simply not up to it. Others sin all day long.
It goes without saying that not everyone manages to lie convincingly and believably. So let's be objective. Since the whole world is subject to this craze, then let's deceive others so that they will never guess about it.
It is not at all difficult to learn how to lie beautifully, with inspiration and at ease. To do this, you need to meet only 3 conditions. The first is to sincerely believe in your own lies. The second is to have a very good memory. Third, try to always tell half-truths. Now let's take a closer look at each of the conditions.
So, in order to be believed unconditionally, you must be convincing. And this is possible only if you believe in what you say. For example, you urgently need to leave, but they may not let you go at work, since the reason for leaving is insignificant. Rummage through your memory, remember everyday situations from the near past. Something after all was important and urgent. That is what needs to be timed for today.
It is not at all difficult to restore that psychological mood and replay the event that has gone into oblivion in the smallest detail. In this case, the lie will be very convincing. After all, you will tell the truth, only a little displaced in time. But such a trifle should be immediately thrown out of your head so that it does not interfere with communication with management.
A real master of lies is so capable of believing in a fictional story that he completely becomes comfortable with it. For this, it is not at all necessary to have the talent of an artist. It is quite enough to convince yourself that in this case a lie is good. It is really very important for you to do something, and an honest and frank conversation will not help here. After all, everyone sees the world from their own bell tower. And if for you the problem is global, then for others it is an insignificant trifle. This is what makes people deceive each other.
But let's move on to the second condition. This is without which a virtuoso and beautiful lie is impossible. You convinced others of something. They trusted you unconditionally. For example, you are inspired to tell colleagues at work that you have an older brother who lives in Argentina. He is very rich and you visit him regularly. At the same time, your stories are always filled with the smallest details about a distant exotic country. Weather, prices, local customs. All information is scooped up on the Internet, but who knows about it except you.
But one day something terrible happens. Your brother, who actually lives, say, in the village of Dobryshkino Ryazan region suffers from pneumonia. You, having forgotten about Argentina a hundred times, run to your boss and, with tears in your eyes, ask him for a week at your own expense. The deception, of course, is exposed. As a result, the trust of colleagues is completely lost. Therefore, in any situation, it is necessary to remember the smallest details of your lie, so as not to be in an awkward situation.
People are not as simple as they seem. If they are interested in something, they keep it in their memory for a very long time, and any statement that does not correspond to previous information immediately raises many questions. Therefore, a lie, especially a long-term one, must be treated with a sense of high responsibility. Considering it fun is a big mistake.
And finally, the third condition. To make a lie look as convincing as possible, you need to add a piece of truth to it. This rule is followed by all the intelligence agencies of the world. When they need to misinform the enemy, they always “dilute” false information with genuine information. So God himself ordered the liars and liars to learn the basics of intelligence work. There is no bad advice.
An ideal option when the truth can be easily verified. Then the rest of the information, which is an outright lie, will not raise any doubts. At the same time, for conversations where you have to deceive a lot, you need to prepare carefully. You can't think others are dumber than you. It is possible that your interlocutors know how to lie much better. This option must be taken into account. Therefore, it is desirable to have as much truth as possible, and that it "lie on the surface."
Telling lies is bad. Just remember that feeling of guilt when you lie to someone. Do you know what could be worse than this feeling? Only the sensations that you experience when you are exposed.
All lies. Only someone gets away with it, and someone constantly gets caught in a lie. Lies are not always selfish (although this “not always” is very rare). There are also white lies. Therefore, the fact that you are lying may not mean that you bad person. But the fact that you are exposed only says one thing: you are no liar.
But we will not touch on the ethical issues of this topic, the purpose of this article is to tell you how to lie correctly (so to speak). And for what purpose and in what circumstances you will use these recommendations - depends on you and on your conscience.
Why do you think liars are exposed, even if their story looks very convincing? They are not trusted, and, as a result, their words are checked. Pay attention to how scammers act who make contact with a person - all of them appearance inspires confidence, all their movements inspire confidence, their behavior inspires confidence; a person does not even think that at the moment his ears are completely covered with noodles.
So that they don’t think to check you, you need to inspire trust in a person. You will need practice and some acting skills.
The hardest thing for a person who tells a lie is to maintain eye contact. When a person is lying, he often looks away, he has a “running look”, he can look somewhere to the side, or is often distracted. Of course, it is difficult to look into the eyes of the person you are deceiving! Therefore, the first thing a born liar needs to know is to maintain eye contact. Doing this is not as easy as it seems. Try to lie to yourself in front of a mirror. I bet you'll be tempted to take your eyes off your own reflection. To maintain eye contact, it is better to look not directly into the eyes, but at the bridge of the nose. Looking higher (on the forehead) on a subconscious level will cause aggression in your interlocutor, and, consequently, distrust. A look below will give the impression that you feel guilty (it is no accident that those who are often exposed when they tell a lie look at the floor), and guilt is another reason for distrust. Therefore, when we talk with our reflection, we look at the bridge of the nose. Once you're good at lying to yourself, you can invite a friend over and practice with them. Just don't say why you need it. Say you're passing, like psychological training. By the way, here's another workout for you.
In addition to the eyes of a liar, hands give out. When we lie, adrenaline levels rise in the body, so it is difficult to be completely calm. A liar can fiddle with a pencil, the collar of his own shirt, constantly brush off non-existent dust particles from his jacket. The essence of all these gestures is to hide the palm. An open palm is a sign of trust and honesty, and what kind of honesty when you tell a lie! Therefore, the next step is to learn how to show an open palm with an expression of universal calm on the face. Again, this is not as easy as it seems. This does not mean that you should twist your arms and stand with open palms. It can be just one gesture. For example, you took a pencil, but hold it calmly and with your palm towards the interlocutor. Or, in an emotional conversation with gestures, turn your open palm towards the interlocutor. Learn to control your body, it sometimes says more than words!
By the way, about the body. Lies, as a rule, are pronounced in the so-called closed position: the liar crosses his arms, can hug himself by the shoulders; if the conversation takes place while sitting, he can still cross his legs and lean back. An open posture means you have nothing to hide. Therefore, learn to lie in an open position - no crosses, stand or sit still, lean forward slightly when talking. All these signals on a subconscious level will make the interlocutor trust you, and therefore, believe your words.
But in addition to external signals, words can also give out a liar. If you pronounce your lie quickly, in a quiet voice, try to quickly get away from the topic - be sure, trust will not work. It will not work if you start telling a far-fetched story in all details and details. You didn’t do anything wrong, then why are you talking so much? The “ideal” version of a lie is a statement and a minor detail. For example:
“I went shopping last night. I liked one dress, I will definitely buy it from the next salary!”
“Of course, I have already taken up the report, Ivan Ivanovich. Yesterday I got so carried away, I sat at the computer until one in the morning!
Statement and detail. It is in this form that there is nothing to complain about.
And the last thing: if you often lie, then you risk getting confused in your own lies. What really happened to us, we remember, but lies are forgotten pretty quickly. If you say you went to a bar last night and two weeks later you say you went bowling that night, you've got it. You can, of course, write down your lies - what you wrote down, you will surely remember. But what if the "notebook of truth" is found by someone who should not know about it? In general, the less you lie, the better.
In general, I want to wish that you never have to use these recommendations. Well, maybe just to expose a liar.
And remember that your actions force you to lie. Your child, when he grows up, will understand why you once lied to him about storks and cabbage. But if your significant other finds out about the betrayal, regardless, after 10 days or 10 years, it will still hurt her or him. Therefore, before doing something about which you will later have to lie, listen to that voice called "conscience."
