When a satirical general story appeared, processed by a satiricon. World history processed by a satyricon. Provinces and estates

Foreword

There is no need to explain what history is as such, since everyone should know this with mother's milk. But what is ancient history - a few words must be said about it.

It is difficult to find a person in the world who, at least once in his life, in scientific language, would not have burst into some kind of history. But no matter how long ago it happened to him, nevertheless, we have no right to name the incident that happened. ancient history... For in the face of science, everything has its own strict subdivision and classification.

Let's put it more shortly:

a) ancient history is a history that happened extremely long ago;

b) ancient history is such a history that happened to the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.

Everything that concerns the most ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.

Scientists, although they know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, then it would have to be called historical), nevertheless, they divide it into three centuries:

1) stone, when people made stone tools for themselves using bronze;

2) bronze, when bronze tools were made with the help of stone;

3) iron, when iron tools were made with the help of bronze and stone.

In general, inventions were rare then and people were hard on inventions; that's why they'll just invent something - now they call their century by the name of the invention.

In our time, this is already unthinkable, because every day it would be necessary to change the name of the century: Pilliary Age, Flat Age, Syndeticon Age, etc., etc., which would immediately cause strife and international wars.

In those days, about which absolutely nothing is known, people lived in huts and ate each other; then, having strengthened and developed the brain, they began to eat the surrounding nature: animals, birds, fish and plants. Then, having divided into families, they began to fence themselves in with palisades, through which at first they quarreled for many centuries; then they began to fight, started a war, and, thus, a state arose, a state, a state life, on which further development citizenship and culture.

The ancients are classified by skin color as black, white and yellow.

White, in turn, is divided into:

1) the Aryans, descended from Noah's son Japheth and named so that one could not immediately guess from whom they came;

2) Semites - or those who do not have the right of residence - and

3) khamites, people in a decent society are not accepted

As a rule, history is always divided chronologically from such and such to such a period. You cannot do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, wandered from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways, without order, reason and purpose. Therefore, learned people came up with the idea of considering the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you will not get out.

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for the pyramids, sphinxes, the spilling of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.

Pyramids are pyramidal buildings that were erected by the pharaohs for their glorification. The pharaohs were caring people and did not trust even the closest people to dispose of their corpse at their discretion. And, barely leaving his infancy, the pharaoh was already looking out for a secluded place and began to build a pyramid for his future ashes.

After death, the body of the pharaoh was gutted from the inside with great ceremonies and stuffed with aromas. Outside, they enclosed it in a painted case, put everything together in a sarcophagus and placed it inside the pyramid. From time to time, that small amount of the pharaoh, which was between the fragrances and the case, dried up and turned into a hard membrane. This is how the ancient monarchs spent their people's money unproductively!

Further, the ruins of temples serve as monuments of Egypt. Most of all, they have been preserved in the place of ancient Thebes, nicknamed by the number of their twelve gates "100". Now, according to the testimony of archaeologists, these gates have been converted into Arab villages. So sometimes great turns into useful!

Egyptian monuments are often covered with inscriptions that are extremely difficult to make out. That is why scientists called them hieroglyphs.

The inhabitants of Egypt were divided into different castes. The most important caste were the priests. It was very difficult to get into the priests. To do this, it was necessary to study geometry up to the equality of triangles, including geography, which at that time embraced the space of the globe at least six hundred square miles.

The priests were up to their throats, because, in addition to geography, they also had to engage in divine services, and since the Egyptians had an extremely large number of gods, it was sometimes difficult for another priest to grab even an hour for geography for the whole day.

The Egyptians were not particularly picky in paying divine honors. They deified the sun, cow, Nile, bird, dog, moon, cat, wind, hippo, earth, mouse, crocodile, snake and many other domestic and wild animals.

In view of this great many, the most cautious and devout Egyptian every minute had to commit various blasphemies. It will step on the tail of the cat, then it will poke at the sacred dog, then it will eat the holy fly in the borscht. The people became nervous, died out and degenerated.

Among the pharaohs there were many wonderful ones who glorified themselves with their monuments and autobiographies, without expecting this courtesy from their descendants.

Babylon, famous for its pandemonium, was also nearby.

The Assyrian kings were very warlike and cruel. They struck their enemies most of all with their names, of which Assur Tiglaf Abu Herib Nazir Nipal was the shortest and simplest. As a matter of fact, it was not even a name, but an abbreviated pet name, which was given to the young tsar by his mother for his small stature.

The custom of the Assyrian baptisms was as follows: as soon as a baby was born to the king, male, female or other sex, immediately a specially trained clerk sat down and, taking wedges in his hands, began to write the name of the newborn on clay slabs. When, exhausted by work, the clerk fell dead, he was replaced by another, and so on until the baby reached mature age... By this time, all his name was considered fully and correctly spelled to the end.

These kings were very cruel. Loudly calling out their name, they, before conquering the country, had already seated its inhabitants on stakes.

From the surviving images, modern scientists see that the Assyrians had a very high hairdressing art, since all kings had beards curled with even, neat curls.

If you take this issue even more seriously, you can be even more surprised, since it is clear that in Assyrian times, not only people, but also lions did not neglect hairdressing tongs. For the Assyrians always depict animals with the same manes and tails curled into locks, like the beards of their kings.

Indeed, the study of samples of ancient culture can bring significant benefits not only to humans, but also to animals.

The last Assyrian king is considered, in abbreviated form, Ashur Adonai Aban Nipal. When the Medes besieged his capital, the cunning Ashur ordered a fire to be made on the square of his palace; then, putting all his property on it, he climbed upstairs himself with all his wives and, having insured himself, burned to the ground.

The enraged enemies hastened to surrender.

In Iran lived peoples whose names ended in "Yana": Baktryans and Medes, except for the Persians, who ended in "sy".

The Bactrians and Medes quickly lost their courage and indulged in effeminacy, and the Persian king Astyages had a grandson Cyrus, who founded the Persian monarchy.

About the youth of Cyrus Herodotus tells a touching legend.

- And tears flow through the gold! - he said and instructed his courtier to strangle the baby.

The courtier, who was up to his throat with his job, entrusted this business to a familiar shepherd. The shepherd, due to his ignorance and negligence, confused everything and, instead of strangling him, began to raise the child.

When the child grew up and began to play with his peers, he once ordered to flog the son of a nobleman. The nobleman complained to Astyages. Astyages became interested in the broad nature of the child. After talking with him and examining the victim, he exclaimed:

- This is Cyrus! Only in our family know how to flog.

And Cyrus fell into the arms of his grandfather.

Having reached age, Cyrus defeated the Lydian king Croesus and began to fry him at the stake. But during this procedure, Croesus suddenly exclaimed:

- Oh, Solon, Solon, Solon!

This greatly surprised the wise Cyrus.

- Such words, - he confessed to friends, - I have never heard from those who were fried.

He beckoned Croesus to him and began to ask what it meant.

Then Croesus told. that he was visited by the Greek sage Solon. Wanting to throw dust in the eyes of the sage, Croesus showed him his treasures and, to tease, asked Solon whom he considered the most happy man in the world.

If Solon were a gentleman, he would, of course, say "you, your majesty." But the sage was a simple-minded man, from the narrow-minded, and blurted out that "before death, no one can say about himself that he is happy."

Since Croesus was a tsar developed beyond his years, he immediately realized that after death, people rarely talk in general, so even then there would be no need to boast of their happiness, and he was very offended by Solon.

This story greatly shocked the faint-hearted Cyrus. He apologized to Croesus and did not fry him.

After Cyrus, his son Cambyses reigned. Cambyses went to fight the Ethiopians, went into the desert and there, suffering greatly from hunger, little by little ate his entire army. Realizing the difficulty of such a system, he hastened to return to Memphis. There, at this time, the opening of the new Apis was celebrated.

At the sight of this healthy, well-fed bull, the emaciated tsar rushed at him and pinned him with his own hands, and at the same time his brother Smerdiz, who was spinning under his feet.

One clever magician took advantage of this and, declaring himself a False Mire, immediately began to reign. The Persians rejoiced:

- Long live our king Falsemurdiz! They shouted.

At this time, King Cambyses, completely obsessed with beef, died from a wound that he inflicted on himself, wanting to taste his own meat.

This is how this wisest of the Eastern despots died.

After Cambyses, Darius Hystaspus reigned, who became famous for his campaign against the Scythians.

The Scythians were very brave and cruel. after the battle, feasts were organized, during which they drank and ate from the skulls of freshly killed enemies.

Those of the soldiers who did not kill a single enemy could not take part in the feast for lack of their dishes and watched the celebration from afar, tormented by hunger and remorse.

Having learned about the approach of Darius Hystaspes, the Scythians sent him a frog, a bird, a mouse and an arrow.

With these simple gifts, they thought to soften the heart of a formidable enemy.

But things took a completely different turn.

One of the warriors of Darius Hystaspes, who was very tired of hanging out after his master in foreign lands, undertook to interpret the true meaning of the Scythian message.

“This means that if you Persians do not fly like birds, gnaw like a mouse, and jump like a frog, you will not return to your home forever.

Darius could neither fly nor jump. He was scared to death and ordered the shafts to be turned.

Darius Hystaspes became famous not only for this campaign, but also for the equally wise government, which he led with the same success as military enterprises.

The ancient Persians at first were distinguished by their courage and simplicity of morals. They taught their sons three subjects:

1) ride a horse;

2) shoot a bow and

3) tell the truth.

A young man who did not pass the exam in all three of these subjects was considered ignorant and was not accepted into the civil service.

But little by little, the Persians began to indulge in a pampered lifestyle. They stopped riding, forgot how to shoot a bow, and, idly spending time, cut the truth of the womb. As a result, the huge Persian state began to rapidly decline.

Previously, Persian youths ate only bread and vegetables. Depraved, they demanded soup (330 BC). Alexander the Great took advantage of this and conquered Persia.

Greece occupies the southern part of the Balkan Peninsula.

Nature itself has divided Greece into four parts:

1) northern, which is in the north;

2) western - in the west;

3) east - not east and, finally,

4) southern, occupying the south of the peninsula.

This original division of Greece has long attracted the attention of the entire cultural segment of the world's population.

The so-called "Greeks" lived in Greece.

They spoke in a dead language and indulged in the composition of myths about gods and heroes.

The favorite hero of the Greeks was Hercules, famous for cleaning the Augean stables and thus gave the Greeks an unforgettable example of cleanliness. In addition, this neater killed his wife and children.

The second favorite hero of the Greeks was Oedipus, who absentmindedly killed his father and married his mother. As a result, a pestilence plague spread throughout the country, and everything was revealed. Oedipus had to gouge out his eyes and travel with Antigone.

In southern Greece, the myth of the Trojan War, or "Beautiful Helena", was created in three acts with the music of Offenbach.

It was like this: Tsar Menelaus (comedian buff) had a wife, nicknamed for her beauty and for wearing a dress with a slit, Beautiful Helen. She was kidnapped by Paris, which Menelaus did not like very much. Then the Trojan War began.

The war was terrible. Menelaus found himself completely without a voice, and all the other heroes lied mercilessly.

Nevertheless, this war remained in the memory of grateful humanity; for example, the phrase of the priest of Calchas: "Too many flowers" is still quoted by many feuilletonists, not without success.

After the destruction of Troy, the Greek heroes returned home, but not to their delight. It turned out that during this time their wives chose new heroes for themselves and indulged in treason to their husbands, who were killed immediately after the first handshakes.

The cunning Odysseus, foreseeing all this, did not return straight home, but made a small detour at ten years old to give his wife Penelope time to get ready to meet him.

Faithful Penelope was waiting for him, whiling away the time with her suitors.

The grooms really wanted to marry her, but she reasoned that it was much more fun to have thirty grooms than one husband, and cheated on the unfortunate, delaying the wedding day. During the day Penelope weaved, at night she flogged the weaved, and at the same time her son Telemachus. This story ended tragically: Odysseus returned.

The Iliad depicts for us the military side of Greek life. The Odyssey paints everyday pictures and social customs.

Both of these poems are considered the works of the blind singer Homer, whose name was so highly respected in ancient times that seven cities disputed the honor of being his homeland. What a difference with the fate of contemporary poets, who are often not averse to abandoning their own parents!

Based on the Iliad and the Odyssey, we can say the following about heroic Greece.

The population of Greece was divided into:

2) warriors and

Each performed its own function.

The king reigned, the soldiers fought, and the people "with a mixed roar" expressed their approval or disapproval of the first two categories.

The tsar, usually a poor man, descended from the gods (weak consolation with an empty treasury) and supported his existence with more or less voluntary gifts.

The noble men surrounding the king also produced their lineage from the gods, but to a more distant degree, so to speak, the seventh water on jelly.

In the war, these noble men came out ahead of the rest of the army and were distinguished by the splendor of their weapons. A helmet covered them from above, a shell in the middle and a shield on all sides. Dressed in this way, the noble husband rode into battle in a pair chariot with a coachman - calm and comfortable, like in a tram.

Everyone fought in disperse, every man for himself, therefore, even the defeated, could talk a lot and eloquently about their military exploits, which no one had seen.

In addition to the king, soldiers and people, there were also slaves in Greece, consisting of former kings, former warriors and former people.

The position of women among the Greeks was enviable in comparison with her position among the eastern peoples.

All household chores, spinning, weaving, washing clothes and other various household chores, lay on the Greek woman, while Eastern women were forced to spend time in idleness and harem pleasures among boring luxury.

The religion of the Greeks was political, and the gods were in constant communication with people, and in many families they were often and quite easily. Sometimes the gods behaved frivolously and even indecently, plunging the people who invented them into woeful bewilderment.

In one of the ancient Greek prayer chants that have come down to our days, we clearly hear a mournful note:

Is it possible, gods,

It makes you laugh

When our honor

Somersault, somersault

Will it fly ?!

The Greeks had a very vague concept of the afterlife. The shadows of sinners were sent to gloomy Tartarus (in Russian - to tartarars). The righteous were blessed in Elysium, but so poorly that Achilles, who was well versed in these matters, admitted frankly: "It is better to be a poor man's day laborer on earth than to reign over all the shadows of the dead." Reasoning that amazed the entire ancient world.

The Greeks learned their future through oracles. The most revered oracle was in Delphi. Here the priestess, the so-called Pythia, sat on the so-called tripod (it should not be confused with the statue of Memnon) and, having gone into a frenzy, uttered incoherent words.

The Greeks, spoiled by fluent speech with hexameters, flocked from all over Greece to listen to incoherent words and interpret them in their own way.

The Greeks were tried in the Amphictyon court.

The tribunal met twice a year; the spring session was in Delphi, the autumn session in Thermopylae.

Each congregation sent two juries to the court. The jury came up with a very clever oath. Instead of promising to judge according to their conscience, not to take bribes, not to bend their souls and not to shield their relatives, they swore the following oath: war time".

That's all!

But this shows what superhuman strength the ancient Greek jury possessed. Someone, even the most overwhelming of them, did not cost anything to destroy the city or stop the flowing water. Therefore, it is clear that the cautious Greeks did not pester them with oaths of bribes and other nonsense, but tried to neutralize these animals in the most important way.

The Greeks led their chronology according to the most important events of their social life, that is, the Olympic Games. These games consisted in the fact that the ancient Greek youths competed in strength and dexterity. Everything went like clockwork, but then Herodotus started reading aloud excerpts from his history during the competition. This deed had the proper effect; the athletes relaxed, the audience, which had hitherto burst into the Olympics like mad, refused to go there even for the money that the ambitious Herodotus generously promised her. The games stopped by themselves.

Laconia formed the southeastern part of the Peloponnese and got its name from the manner of the inhabitants there to express themselves laconically.

It was hot in Laconia in summer, cold in winter. This unusual climate system for other countries, according to historians, contributed to the development of cruelty and energy in the character of the inhabitants.

The main city of Laconia was called Sparta for no reason.

In Sparta, there was a moat filled with water so that the inhabitants could practice throwing each other into the water. The city itself was not fenced off by walls and: the courage of the citizens had to serve as its protection. This, of course, cost the local city fathers less than the poorest palisade. The Spartans, cunning by nature, arranged so that they always reigned two kings at a time. The kings squabbled among themselves, leaving the people alone. The end of this bacchanalia was put by the legislator Lycurgus.

Lycurgus was a royal family and took care of his nephew.

At the same time, he constantly poked everyone in the eyes with his justice. When the patience of those around him finally burst out, Lycurgus was advised to go traveling. They thought that the journey would develop Lycurgus and somehow affect his justice.

But, as they say, together it is sickening, but apart it is boring. No sooner had Lycurgus refreshed himself in the company of the Egyptian priests, than his compatriots demanded his return. Lycurgus returned and approved his laws in Sparta.

After that, fearing too warm gratitude from the expansive people, he hastened to starve himself to death.

- Why give others what you can do yourself! Were his last words.

The Spartans, seeing that bribes were smooth from him, began to pay divine honors to his memory.

The population of Sparta was divided into three classes: Spartiats, Periecs and Helots.

The Spartans were local aristocrats, did gymnastics, walked naked and generally set the tone.

Periekam gymnastics was prohibited. Instead, they paid taxes.

The helots, or, as the local wits put it, the "under-eaters", had the worst. They worked the fields, went to war and often rebelled against their masters. The latter, in order to win them over to their side, invented the so-called crypt, that is, they simply killed all the helots they met at a certain hour. This remedy quickly made the helots change their minds and heal in complete contentment.

The Spartan kings were highly respected, but with little credit. The people believed them only for a month, then forced them to swear allegiance to the laws of the republic again.

Since Sparta always reigned two kings and, moreover, there was also a republic, then all this together was called an aristocratic republic.

According to the laws of this republic, the Spartans were prescribed the most modest way of life in their terms. For example, men were not allowed to dine at home; they gathered in a cheerful company in the so-called restaurants - a custom observed by many people of aristocratic fold and in our time as a relic of the hoary antiquity.

Their favorite food was black soup, made from pork broth, blood, vinegar and salt. This soup, as a historical memory of the glorious past, is still cooked in our Greek kitchens, where it is known as Brandahlista.

In dress, the Spartans were also very modest and simple. Only before the battle did they dress up in a more complex toilet, which consisted of a wreath on their head and a flute in their right hand. At the usual time, they denied themselves this.

Parenting

The upbringing of the children was very harsh. Most often they were killed immediately. This made them courageous and resilient.

They received the most thorough education: they were taught not to scream while flogging. At the age of twenty, the Spartiat passed an examination in this subject for a certificate of maturity. At thirty he became a spouse, at sixty he was relieved of this duty.

Spartan girls were engaged in gymnastics and were so famous for their modesty and virtue that everywhere rich people tried to vying with each other to get a Spartan girl as a wet nurse for their children.

Modesty and respect for elders was the first duty of young people.

The most indecent of a Spartan young man was considered his hands. If he was wearing a cloak, he hid his hands under the cloak. If he was naked, then he thrust them anywhere: under a bench, under a bush, under an interlocutor, or, finally, sat on them himself (900 BC).

From childhood they learned to speak laconically, that is, short and strong. The Spartan replied only to the long, ornate swearing of the enemy: "I hear from a fool."

A woman in Sparta was respected, and she was sometimes allowed to speak laconically, too, which she used when raising children and ordering dinner for the cook and alot. So, one Spartan woman, giving the shield to her son, said laconically: "With him or on him." And the other, giving the rooster to the cook for roasting, said laconically: "If you overcook it, I'll blow it."

The following story is given as a lofty example of the masculinity of a Spartan woman.

One day a woman named Lana, who knew about an illegal conspiracy so as not to accidentally give out the name of the conspirators, bit off her tongue and, spitting it out, said laconically:

- Gracious sovereigns and gracious sovereigns! I, the undersigned Spartan woman, have the honor to tell you that if you think that we Spartan women are capable of low deeds such as:

a) denunciations,

b) gossip

c) extradition of his accomplices and

d) slander,

then you are greatly mistaken and will not expect anything like this from me. And let the wanderer tell Sparta that I spit out my tongue here, faithful to the laws of the gymnastics of my fatherland.

The stunned enemies inserted another "e" into Lana, and she became Lana, which means lioness.

The decline of Sparta

Constant bathing and laconic conversation greatly weakened the mental abilities of the Spartans, and they significantly lagged behind other Greeks in development, who called them "sportsmen" for their love of gymnastics and sports.

The Spartans fought with the Messenians and once were so cowardly that they sent for help to the Athenians. Those, instead of military weapons, sent them to help the poet Tirtaeus, charged with his own poems. Hearing his recitation, the enemies wavered and fled. The Spartans took possession of Messenia and established hegemony.

The second famous republic was Athens, ending with Cape Sunius.

The rich deposits of marble suitable for monuments naturally gave birth to glorious men and heroes in Athens.

The whole grief of Athens - a republic in the highest degree aristocratic - was that. that its inhabitants were divided into phylae, dimas, phratries and were subdivided into paralias, pediaks and diacarias. In addition, they were also divided into eupatrides, geomars, demiurges and various trifles.

All this caused constant unrest and turmoil among the people, which were used by the upper classes of society, divided into archons, eponyms, basileus, polemarchs and tesmotets, and oppressed the people.

One wealthy Eupatrid Pilon tried to settle the matter. But the Athenian people reacted so distrustfully to his undertakings that Pilon, following the example of other Greek legislators, hastened to travel.

Solon, a poor man and engaged in trade, gained experience in travel and therefore, not fearing bad consequences for himself, he planned to benefit the country by writing strong laws for it.

To earn the trust of citizens, he pretended to be crazy and began to write poems about the island of Salamis, about which it was not accepted to talk about in a decent Greek society, since this island was conquered by Megara with great embarrassment for the Athenians.

Solon's reception was a success, and he was instructed to draw up laws, which he used very widely, dividing the inhabitants, among other things, into pentakosiomedims, zeogites and thetes (famous for the fact that “luxurious diamonds worth four rubles are sold for one ruble only one more week").

Solon also paid serious attention to family life. He forbade the bride to bring more than three dresses to her husband as a dowry, but he demanded modesty from the woman in unlimited quantities.

Athenian youths were brought up at home until the age of sixteen, and when they reached adulthood, they were engaged in gymnastics and mental education, which was so easy and pleasant that it was even called music.

In addition to the above, the Athenian citizens had a strict duty to honor their parents; when electing a citizen to any high state position, the law prescribed to make a preliminary inquiry whether he honors his parents and whether he scolds them, and if he scolds, then with what words.

A person who claimed the rank of an ancient Greek state councilor had to correct his testimony of deference to his aunts and sister-in-law. This gave rise to a lot of inconvenience and difficulties for the plans of an ambitious person. Quite often a person was forced to give up his ministerial portfolio thanks to the whim of some old guy selling rotten Turkish delight in the bazaar. He will show that he was not respected enough, and kaput throughout his career.

In addition, the higher authorities had to constantly cope with what the citizens were doing and punish the idle people. It often happened that half of the city sat without a sweet dish. The cries of the unfortunates defied description.

Pisistratus and Cleisthenes

Having approved his laws, Solon was not slow to set off to travel.

His absence was taken advantage of by his own relative, the local aristocrat Pisistratus, who began to tyrannize Athens with his eloquence.

Solon returned in vain to persuade him to change his mind. The ravaged Pisistratus did not listen to any arguments and did his job.

First of all, he founded the temple of Zeus in Lombardy and died without paying interest.

After him, his sons, Hippias and Hipparchus, inherited power, named after the familiar horses (526 BC). But they were soon killed in part, in part expelled from their fatherland.

Here Cleisthenes, the head of the People's Party, came forward and earned the trust of the citizens, dividing them into ten fila (instead of the previous four!) And each fila into dima. Peace and tranquility did not hesitate to reign in the country tormented by unrest.

In addition, Cleisthenes came up with a way to get rid of unpleasant citizens through secret voting, or ostracism. So that the grateful people did not have time to try this nice innovation on their backs, the wise legislator set off to travel.

Constantly dividing into phyla, dima and fratia, Athens quickly weakened, as Sparta weakened, not dividing in any way.

"Wherever you throw - everything is a wedge!" - historians sighed.

Rest of Greece

The minor Greek states followed the same path.

Monarchies were gradually replaced by more or less aristocratic republics. But the tyrants also did not yawn and from time to time seized the supreme power and, distracting the attention of the people from themselves by constructing public buildings, strengthened their position, and then, having lost the latter, set off to travel.

Sparta soon realized her inconvenience of two one-time kings. During the war, the kings, wanting to curry favor, both went to the battlefield. and if at the same time both of them were killed, then the people had to take up again troubles and civil strife, choosing a new pair.

If only one king was sent to war, then the second took the opportunity to smoke out his brother completely and take possession of Sparta undividedly.

There was something to lose my head from.

The need for legislators to travel after the approval of each new law has greatly revitalized Greece.

Whole crowds of legislators visited one or another neighboring country, arranging something like the excursions of rural teachers to us today.

Neighboring countries met legislative needs. They issued discounted round-trip tickets (Rundreise), made discounts in hotels. The united boat company with limited liability "Memphis and Mercury" drove the excursionists for nothing and only asked them not to scandalize and not to compose new laws on the way.

Thus, the Greeks got to know the neighboring areas and set up colonies for themselves.

Polycrates and fish pieces

On the island of Samos, the tyrant Polycrates became famous, who was baked by sea fish. Whatever rubbish Polycrates threw into the sea, the fish immediately pulled it out in their own bellies.

Once he threw a large gold coin into the water. The next morning, he was served fried salmon for breakfast. The tyrant cut it open eagerly. Oh God! The fish contained his gold one with interest for one day out of twelve per annum.

All this ended in a major misfortune. According to historians, “shortly before his death, the tyrant was killed by a Persian satrap.

Madman Herostratus

The city of Ephesus was famous for its temple of the goddess Artemis. This temple was burned by Herostratus to glorify his name. But the Greeks, having learned for what purpose the terrible crime was committed, decided, as punishment, to consign the name of the criminal to oblivion.

For this, special heralds were hired, who for many decades traveled throughout Greece and announced the following order: "Do not dare remember the name of the mad Herostratus, who burned the temple of the goddess Artemis out of ambition."

The Greeks knew this order so well that one could wake up any of them at night and ask: "Whom should you forget?" And he, without hesitation, would answer: "Mad Herostratus."

Thus the criminal ambitious was justly punished.

Of the Greek colonies, Syracuse should also be noted, whose inhabitants were famous for the weakness of spirit and body.

Fight against the Persians. Miltiades at Marathon

The Persian king Darius was very fond of fighting. He especially wanted to defeat the Athenians. In order not to forget somehow in his household chores about these enemies of his, he teased himself. Every day at dinner the servant forgot to put something on the table: either bread, or salt, or a napkin. If Darius reprimanded the negligent servants, they answered him in chorus according to his own teaching: "And you, Daryushka, do you remember the Athenians? .."

Teasing himself to the point of frenzy, Darius sent his son-in-law Mardonius with troops to conquer Greece. Mardonius was defeated and went on a journey, and Darius recruited a new army and sent him to Marathon, not realizing that Miltiades was found on Marathon. We will not dwell on the consequences of this act.

All Greeks glorified the name Miltiada. Nevertheless, Miltiades had to end his life with death. During the siege of Paros, he was wounded, and for this his fellow citizens sentenced him to a fine under the pretext that he de carelessly handled his skin, which belongs to the fatherland.

Miltiades did not have time to close his eyes, as in Athens two husbands have already ascended - Themistocles and Aristides.

Themistocles became famous for the fact that the laurels of Miltiades did not allow him to sleep (483 BC). Evil Athenian languages assured that he simply skipped all nights and blamed everything on his laurels. Well, God bless him. In addition, Themistocles knew by name and patronymic all eminent citizens, which greatly flattered the latter. Themistocles' letters were set as a model for the Athenian youth: "... And I also bow to my papa Oligarch Kimonovich, and my aunt Matrona Anempodistovna, and our nephew Callimachus Mardarionovich, etc., etc."

Aristides indulged himself exclusively in justice, but so zealously that he aroused legitimate indignation in his fellow citizens and, with the help of ostracism, set off to travel.

Leonidas at Thermopylae

King Xerxes, the successor of Darius Hystaspes, went to the Greeks with a myriad (then they did not know how to make a preliminary estimate) army. He built bridges over the Hellespont, but the storm destroyed them. Then Xerxes carved the Hellespont, and the sea was immediately calm. After that, the distribution was introduced in all educational institutions.

Xerxes went to Thermopylae. The Greeks just had a holiday at this time, so there was no time to deal with trifles. They sent only the Spartan king Leonidas with a dozen fellows to protect the passage.

Xerxes sent to Leonidas with a demand to hand over the weapon. Leonidas answered laconically: "Come and get it."

The Persians came and took.

Soon the battle of Salamis took place. Xerxes watched the battle from a high throne.

Seeing how the Persians were beating him, the eastern despot fell head over heels from the throne and, having lost courage (480 BC), returned to Asia.

Then there was a battle near the city of Plateia. The oracles predicted defeat for the army that first entered the battle. The troops began to wait. But ten days later there was a characteristic crackling sound. This snapped the patience of Mardonius (479 BC), and he began the battle and was completely smashed to other parts of his body.

Times of hegemony

Thanks to the intrigues of Themistocles, hegemony passed to the Athenians. The Athenians, through ostracism, sent this lover of hegemony to travel. Themistocles went to the Persian king Artaxerxes. He gave him large gifts in the hope of using his services. But Themistocles lowly betrayed the trust of the despot. He accepted gifts, but instead of serving, he calmly poisoned himself.

Aristide died soon after. The republic buried him in the first category and gave his daughters a Solon dowry: three dresses and modesty.

After Themistocles and Aristides in the Athenian republic, Pericles came to the fore, who knew how to picturesquely wear his cloak.

This greatly raised the aesthetic aspirations of the Athenians. Under the influence of Pericles, the city was decorated with statues and splendor entered the Greek home life. They ate without knives and forks, and women were not present, since this was considered an immodest spectacle.

Almost every person had a philosopher at the dinner table. Listening to philosophical discourses over roast was considered as necessary for the ancient Greek as for our contemporaries the Romanian orchestra.

Pericles patronized the sciences and went to Hetera Aspazia to study philosophy.

In general, philosophers, even if they were not getters, enjoyed great respect. Their sayings were recorded on the columns of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.

The best of these sayings is the philosopher Bias: "Do not do many things", which supported many lazy people on their natural path, and the philosopher Thales of Miletus: "The surety will bring you care", which many remember, with trembling hand putting their letterhead on a friendly bill.

Pericles died of a pestilence. Friends gathered at his deathbed loudly listed his merits. Pericles told them:

- You have forgotten the best thing: "In my life I never forced anyone to wear a mourning dress."

With these words, the brilliant eloquent wanted to say that he had never died in his life.

Alcibiades

Alcibiades was known for his riotous lifestyle and, in order to earn the trust of citizens, he chopped off the tail of his dog.

Then the Athenians, as one man, entrusted Alcibiades with the command of the fleet. Alcibiades had already gone to war when he was returned, forcing him to first serve for the street scandal he had committed before leaving. He fled to Sparta, then repented and fled again to Athens, then repented in thoughtless repentance and fled again to Sparta, then again to Athens, then to the Persians, then to Athens, then again to Sparta, from Sparta to Athens.

He ran like crazy, developing incredible speed and crushing everything in his path. The tailless dog barely kept up with him and died on the fifteenth stretch (412 BC). Above it there is a monument on which the Spartans inscribed laconically: "Wanderer, I am dead."

For a long time Alcibiades ran like mad from Sparta to Athens, from Athens to the Persians. The unfortunate man had to be shot out of pity.

Once the Athenian sculptor unexpectedly had a son, nicknamed Socrates for his wisdom and love for philosophy. This Socrates did not pay attention to the cold and heat. But this was not the case with his wife Xanthippa. A rude and uneducated woman froze during the cold and steamed from the heat. The philosopher treated his wife's shortcomings with an imperturbable composure. Once, angry with her husband, Xantippa poured a bucket of slop on his head (397 BC).

The fellow citizens sentenced Socrates to death. The disciples advised the venerable philosopher to travel better. But he refused because of his old age and began to drink hemlock until he died.

Many claim that Socrates cannot be blamed for anything, because he was entirely invented by his student Plato. Others mix in this story and his wife Xantippa (398 BC).

Macedonia

Macedonians lived in Macedonia. Their king Philip of Macedon was an intelligent and dexterous ruler. In continuous military endeavors, he lost his eyes, chest, side, arms, legs and throat. Often difficult situations made him lose his head, so that the brave warrior remained completely light and ruled the people with the help of one abdominal barrier, which, however, could not stop his energy.

Philip the Great decided to conquer Greece and began his intrigues. The orator Demosthenes spoke out against him, who, having typed small pebbles in his mouth, convinced the Greeks to resist Philip, after which he took water in his mouth. This way of explaining is called the philippics (346 BC).

Philip's son was Alexander the Great. The cunning Alexander was born on purpose on the very night when the mad Greek Herostratus burned down the temple; he did this in order to join the glory of Herostratus, which he did quite well.

Since childhood, Alexander loved luxury and excesses and got himself Bucephalus.

Having won many victories, Alexander fell into strong autocracy. Once his friend Klyt, who once saved his life, reproached him with ingratitude. To prove the contrary, Alexander immediately killed the unjust man with his own hands.

Shortly thereafter, he killed some of his friends, fearing reproaches for ingratitude. The same fate befell the general Parmenion, his son Philo, the philosopher Callisthenes and many others. This intemperance in killing friends undermined the health of the great conqueror. He fell into immoderation and died much earlier than his death.

Geographical image of Italy

Italy looks like a shoe with a very warm climate.

The beginning of Rome

In Alabalonga, the good-natured Numitor reigned, whom the evil Amulius deposed from the throne. Numitor's daughter, Rhea Sylvia, was given to the Vestal. Nevertheless, Rhea gave birth to two twins, whom she recorded in the name of Mars, the god of war, since bribes are smooth. Rhea was buried in the ground for this, and the children were raised either by a shepherd or a she-wolf. This is where historians disagree. Some say that they were fed by the shepherd with the milk of a she-wolf, others that the she-wolf was fed with shepherd's milk. The boys grew up and, incited by a she-wolf, founded the city of Rome.

At first, Rome was very small - an arshin of one and a half, but then it quickly expanded and acquired senators.

Romulus killed Remus. The senators took Romulus alive to heaven and asserted their power.

Public institutions

The Roman people were divided into patricians, who had the right to use public fields, and plebeians, who received the right to pay taxes.

In addition, there were also proletarians, about whom it is inappropriate to spread the word.

Brothers Tarkviniev and K0

Several kings were successively replaced in Rome. One of them - Servius Tullius - was killed by his son-in-law Tarquinius, who became famous for his sons. Sons under the firm "Brothers Tarkviniev and Co." were distinguished by their violent character and insulted the honor of the local Lucretius. The close-minded father was proud of his sons, for which he was nicknamed Tarquin the Proud.

In the end, the people rebelled, changed the royal power and drove out Tarquinius. He went to travel with the whole company. Rome became an aristocratic republic.

But Tarquinius did not want to be reconciled with his share for a long time and went to Rome in war. He managed, among other things, to arm the Etruscan king Porsena against the Romans, but the whole thing was ruined for him by a certain Mucius Scovola.

Muzio decided to kill Porsena and made his way into his camp, but absent-mindedly killed someone else. Hungry during this event, Muzio began to cook dinner for himself, but instead of a piece of beef, absent-mindedly, he thrust his own hand into the fire.

Porsen's king sniffed (502 BC): "Smells fried!" Went to smell and opened Muzio.

- What are you doing, unfortunate ?! - exclaimed the shocked king.

“I’m making myself dinner,” answered the absent-minded young man laconically.

- Are you really going to eat this meat? - Porsen continued to be horrified.

“Of course,” answered Muzio with dignity, still not noticing his mistake. - This is the favorite breakfast of Roman tourists.

Porsena was confused and retreated with great losses.

But Tarquinius did not quickly calm down. He continued to raid. The Romans had to finally tear Cincinnatus from the plow. This painful operation gave nice results... The enemy was pacified.

Nevertheless, the wars with the Tarquiniev sons undermined the country's welfare. The plebeians became poorer, went to the Sacred Mountain and threatened that they would build their own city, where everyone would be his own patrician. They were reassured with difficulty with the fable of the stomach.

Meanwhile, the decemvirs wrote the laws on copper boards. First by ten, then two more were added for strength.

Then they began to try the strength of these laws, and one of the legislators insulted Virginia. Virginia's father tried to remedy the matter by thrusting a knife into his daughter's heart, but this did not benefit the unfortunate woman either. Confused plebeians again went to the Sacred Mountain. The Decemvirs went on a journey.

Roman geese and fugitives

Countless hordes of Gauls marched against Rome. The Roman legions were confused and, taking flight, hid in the city of Vey, the rest of the Romans went to bed. The Gauls took advantage of this and climbed to the Capitol. And here they became a victim of their ignorance. There were geese on the Capitol, which, upon hearing the noise, began to cackle.

- Alas for us! - said the leader of the barbarians, hearing this gaggle. “The Romans are already laughing at our defeat.

And immediately retreated with heavy losses, carrying away the dead and wounded.

Seeing that the danger had passed, the Roman fugitives climbed out of their Vei and, trying not to look at the geese (they were ashamed), said several immortal phrases about the honor of Roman weapons.

After the Gallic invasion, Rome was severely devastated. The plebeians again went to the Sacred Mountain and again threatened to build their city. The matter was settled by Manlius of Capitoline, but did not have time to travel in time and was thrown from the Tarpeian rock.

Then the Licinian laws were issued. For a long time, the patricians did not adopt new laws, and the plebeians many times went to the Sacred Mountain to listen to the fable about the stomach.

King Pyrrhus

Pyrrhus, king of Epirus, landed in Italy with a myriad army led by twenty war elephants. The Romans were defeated in the first battle. But King Pyrrhus was dissatisfied with this.

- What an honor when there is nothing to eat! He exclaimed. - Another such victory, and I will be left without an army. Wouldn't it be better to be defeated, but to have an army in full force?

The elephants approved of Pyrrhus's decision, and the whole company was easily expelled from Italy.

Punic Wars

Wanting to conquer Sicily, the Romans fought Carthage. Thus began the first war between the Romans and the Carthaginians, nicknamed Punic for a variety of reasons.

The first victory belonged to the Roman consul Dongliu. The Romans thanked him in their own way: they decreed that a man with a lighted torch and a musician playing the flute accompanied him everywhere. This honor greatly embarrassed Dunli in his household and love affairs. The unfortunate quickly fell into insignificance.

This example had a detrimental effect on other commanders, so that during the second Punic war, the consuls, out of fear of earning a flute and a torch, courageously retreated before the enemy.

The Carthaginians, led by Hannibal, went to Rome. Scipio, son of Publius (who does not know Publius?), Repulsed the Punic attack with such fervor that he received the title of African.

In 146, Carthage was destroyed and burned. Scipio, a relative of the African, looked at flaming Carthage, thought of Rome and recited about Troy; since it was very difficult and difficult, he even cried.

Change of morals and Cato

The strength of the Roman state was greatly facilitated by the moderation in the way of life and the firmness of the character of the citizens. They were not ashamed of labor, and their food consisted of meat, fish, vegetables, fruits, poultry, spices, bread and wine.

But over time, all this changed, and the Romans fell into the effeminacy of morals. They adopted a lot that was harmful to themselves from the Greeks. They began to study Greek philosophy and go to the bathhouse (135 BC).

The harsh Cato rebelled against all this, but was caught by his fellow citizens who caught him behind the Greek extremporale.

Mari and Sulla

Countless hordes of Cimbri appeared on the northern borders of Italy. It was the turn of Mary and Sulla to save the fatherland.

Marius was very fierce, loved the simplicity of everyday life, did not recognize any furniture and always sat right on the ruins of Carthage. He died at a ripe old age from excessive drunkenness.

This was not the fate of Sulla. The brave commander died at his estate from an unrestrained life.

Lucullus and Cicero

Meanwhile, in Rome, proconsul Lucullus advanced with his feasts. He treated his friends to ant tongues, mosquito noses, elephant nails and other small and indigestible food and quickly fell into insignificance.

Rome, on the other hand, almost became the victim of a great conspiracy, at the head of which was the aristocrat Catiline, burdened with debts, who planned to seize the state into his own hands.

The local Cicero opposed him and destroyed the enemy with the help of his eloquence.

The people were unpretentious then, and even such hackneyed phrases as ... "O tempora, o mores" acted on the hearts of listeners. Cicero was presented with the rank of "father of the fatherland" and a man with a flute was assigned to him.

Julius Caesar and the first triumvirate

Julius Caesar was an educated man by birth and attracted the hearts of people.

But beneath his appearance was a hot ambition. Most of all he wanted to be the first in some village. But it was very difficult to achieve this, and he launched various intrigues in order to be the first even in Rome. To do this, he entered into a triumvirate with Pompey and Crassus and, having retired to Gaul, began to win the favor of his soldiers.

Crassus soon died, and Pompey, tormented by envy, demanded the return of Caesar to Rome. Caesar, not wanting to part with the conquered disposition of the soldiers, led the latter with him. Arriving at the Rubicon River, Julius played for a long time (51 - 50 BC) in front of her, finally said: "The die is thrown" - and climbed into the water.

Pompey did not expect this and quickly fell into insignificance.

Then Cato, a descendant of the same Cato, who was caught behind the Greek grammar, spoke out against Caesar. He, like his ancestor, was very unlucky. It was their family name. He retired to Utica, where he bled to death.

To at least somehow distinguish him from his ancestor, and at the same time to honor his memory, he was given the nickname Utichesky. Little consolation for a family!

Caesar's dictatorship and death

Caesar celebrated his victories and became dictator in Rome. He did a lot for the country. First of all, he transformed the Roman calendar, which was in great disarray due to inaccurate time, so that in a different week there were four Mondays in a row, and all the Roman shoemakers drank themselves to death; and then suddenly it will disappear on the twentieth day of the month, and the officials, sitting without salaries, fell into insignificance. The new calendar was named Julian and had 365 consecutive days.

The people were pleased. But a certain Junius Brutus, Caesar's adherent, who dreamed of having seven Fridays a week, conspired against Caesar.

Caesar's wife, who had an ominous dream, asked her husband not to go to the Senate, but his friends said that it was indecent to skimp on duties because of women's dreams. Caesar went. In the Senate, Cassius, Brutus and a senator named simply Casca attacked him. Caesar wrapped himself in his cloak, but, alas, this precaution did not help.

Then he exclaimed: "And you, Brutus!" According to the historian Plutarch, he thought at the same time: “I don’t have enough of you, a pig, that you are now climbing on me with a knife!”

He then fell at the feet of the Pompeian statue and died in 44 BC.

Octavius and the second triumvirate

At this time, Caesar's nephew and heir, Octavius, returned to Rome. However, Caesar's friend, the ardent Antony, managed to seize the inheritance, leaving one old vest to the legitimate heir. Octavius was, according to historians, a man of small stature, but nevertheless very cunning. He immediately used the vest he received from the ardent Anthony for gifts to Caesar's veterans, which attracted them to his side. A small fraction also fell to the aged Cicero, who began to smash Antony with the same speeches with which he had once smashed Catiline. "O tempora, o mores" appeared on the stage again. Sly Octavius flattered the old man and said that he considered him for papa.

Using the old man, Octavius threw off his mask and entered into an alliance with Antony. A certain Lepidus also joined them, and a new triumvirate was formed.

The ardent Anthony soon fell into the snares of the Egyptian queen Cleopatra and fell into a pampered lifestyle.

The cunning Octavius took advantage of this and went to Egypt with countless hordes.

Cleopatra sailed on her ships and took part in the battle, looking at Antony with green, purple, purple, and yellow eyes. But during the battle, the queen remembered that she had forgotten the keys to the storeroom, and told the ships to turn their noses home.

Octavius was triumphant and appointed a man with a flute for himself.

Cleopatra began to set her nets for him. She sent a servant to the ardent Anthony with the following words: "The lady ordered you to tell you that they were dead." Antony fell to his sword in horror.

Cleopatra continued to set her nets, but Octavius, despite his small stature, steadfastly rejected her tricks.

Octavius, who received the name of Augustus for all of the above, began to rule the state indefinitely. But he did not accept the royal title.

- For what? - he said. - Call me emperor for short.

Augustus decorated the city with baths and sent the commander Var with three legions to the Teutoburg forest, where he was defeated.

In despair, August began to bang his head against the wall, singing: "Var, Var, give me my legions."

The so-called "Varvara gap" (9 BC) quickly formed in the wall, and Augustus said:

- Another such defeat, and I will be left without a head.

The dynasty of Augustus indulged in pomp and quickly fell into insignificance.

Caligula, son of Germanicus, surpassed his predecessors in idleness. He was too lazy to even chop off the heads of his subjects, and he dreamed that all mankind would have one head that he could hastily chop off.

This sloth, however, found time to torment the animals. so, his best horse, which he rode and carried water, he forced to sit in the Senate in the evenings.

After his death (through a bodyguard), both people and horses breathed more freely.

Caligula's uncle Claudius, who inherited the throne, was distinguished by a weak character. Taking advantage of this, those close to him extorted the death sentence from Claudius for his wife - the depraved Messalina - and married him to the deeply spoiled Agrippina. From these wives, Claudius had a son Britannica, but Nero, the son of a deeply spoiled Agrippina from his first marriage, succeeded to the throne.

Nero devoted his youth to the extermination of relatives. Then he gave himself up to art and a shameful way of life.

During the fire of Rome, like any true ancient Roman (Greek too), he could not resist reciting the fire of Troy. For which he was suspected of arson.

In addition, he sang so out of tune that the most fake souls of the courtiers could sometimes not bear this insult to the eardrum. At the end of his life, the shameless goatlet decided to go on tour to Greece, but here even the accustomed legions were outraged, and Nero, with great displeasure, pierced himself with a sword. Dying from lack of self-criticism, the tyrant exclaimed: "What a great artist is dying."

After the death of Nero, troubles followed, and within two years three emperors changed in Rome: Galba, killed by a soldier for stinginess, Otto, who died from a depraved life, and Vitellius, who distinguished himself for his short but glorious kingdom by exorbitant gluttony.

This diversity in the monarchy was of great interest to the Roman soldiers. It was fun for them, getting up in the morning, to ask the platoon officer: "And who, uncle, reigns here today?"

Subsequently, a lot of confusion arose, since the kings changed too often, and it happened that new king entered the throne when his predecessor had not yet had time to die properly.

The kings were chosen by the soldiers to their taste and fear. They were taken for their great height, for physical strength, for their ability to express themselves strongly. Then they began to directly trade in thrones and sell it to the one who gave the most. In the "Roman Bulletin" ("Nuntius Romanus"), advertisements were printed all the time:

"Given a cheap good throne, underdeveloped, for a reasonable price."

Or: “I am looking for a throne here or in the provinces. I have a deposit. I agree to leave. "

There were tickets on the gates of Roman houses:

“The throne is surrendered for the lonely one. Ask unter Mardaryan. "

Rome rested somewhat during the reign of the meek and fearful emperor, nicknamed Nerva, and again fell into despair when the Chest of drawers ascended the throne.

The chest of drawers had great physical strength and decided to fight in the local Farce.

The Bursiania Romana published government-inspired articles on the exploits of Komod.

"... And now the massive furniture rolls around in a ball, intertwining with the Illyrian lizard and rewarding the latter with sparkling pasta and double nelsons."

Close people hurried to get rid of the uncomfortable Chest of drawers. He was strangled.

Finally, the emperor Diocletian reigned, meekly burning Christians for twenty years in a row. This was his only flaw.

Diocletian was a native of Dalmatia and the son of a freedman. One witch told him that he would ascend the throne when he killed the boar.

These words sank into the soul of the future emperor, and for many years he did nothing but chase pigs. Once, having heard from someone that the prefect of April was a real pig, he immediately stabbed the prefect and immediately sat on the throne.

Thus, only pigs commemorated the meek emperor. But these troubles so tired the aged monarch that he reigned for only twenty years, then renounced the throne and went home to Dalmatia to plant radishes, enticing his co-ruler Maximian to this useful occupation. But he soon asked for the throne again. Diocletian remained firm.

“Friend,” he said. - If you only saw what a turnip is now! What a turnip! One word - turnip! Am I up to the kingdom now? A person cannot keep up with the garden to manage, and you climb with trifles.

Indeed, he grew an outstanding turnip (305 A.D.).

Roman life and culture

Population classes

The population of the Roman state mainly consisted of three classes:

1) noble citizens (nobelas);

2) ordinary citizens (suspicious person) and

Noble citizens had many major advantages over other citizens. First, they had the right to pay taxes. The main advantage was the right to exhibit wax images of ancestors at home. In addition, they had the right to organize folk celebrations and festivals at their own expense.

Life was bad for ordinary citizens. They had no right to pay any taxes, had no right to serve as soldiers, and became sadly rich, engaged in trade and industry.

Slaves cultivated the fields peacefully and staged uprisings.

In addition, there were also senators and horsemen in Rome. They differed from each other in that the senators sat in the senate, and the riders - on horseback.

The Senate was the name of the place where the senators and the royal horses sat.

Consuls were supposed to be over forty years old. This was their main quality. The consuls were accompanied everywhere by a retinue of twelve people with rods in their hands on the subject of emergency if the consul wanted to whip someone far from the wooded area.

The praetors disposed of the rations for only six persons.

Military art

The magnificent structure of the Roman army contributed a lot to military victories.

The main body of the legions were the so-called principles - experienced veterans. Therefore, the Roman soldiers from the first steps were convinced of how harmful it is to compromise their principles.

Legions generally consisted of brave warriors who were confused only at the sight of the enemy.

Religious institutions

Among the Roman institutions, religious institutions occupied the first place.

The main priest was called pontifex maximus, which did not prevent him from sometimes inflating his flock with various tricks based on dexterity and dexterity of hands.

Then followed the priests of the augurs, who differed in that, when meeting, they could not look at each other without a smile. Seeing their cheerful faces, the rest of the priests snorted into their sleeves. The parishioners, who had seen something in Greek tricks, were dying with laughter, looking at this whole company.

The pontifex maximus himself, glancing at one of his subordinates, only waved his hand powerlessly and shook with flabby laughter.

The vestals also giggled.

It goes without saying that from this eternal cackle, the Roman religion quickly weakened and fell into decay. No nerves could withstand such a tickle.

The Vestals were priestesses of the goddess Vesta. They were selected from maidens of good surname and served at the temple, observing chastity until the age of seventy-five. After this period, they were allowed to marry.

But the Roman youths so respected such a tried and tested chastity that rarely any of them dared to encroach on it, even flavored with a double Solon's dowry (six dresses and two modesty).

If the vestal broke her vow ahead of time, then she was buried alive, and her children, recorded on different Mars, were raised by she-wolves. Knowing the brilliant past of Romulus and Remus, the Roman vestals greatly appreciated the pedagogical abilities of she-wolves and considered them to be something like our learned frebelichs.

But the hopes of the Vestals were in vain. Their children no longer founded Rome. As a reward for their chastity, the vestals received honors and counters in theaters.

Gladiator battles were originally considered a religious rite and were held at burials "to reconcile the body of the deceased." That is why our fighters, when they perform in a parade, always have such funeral faces: atavism is clearly manifested here.

Worshiping their gods, the Romans did not forget the foreign gods. Out of the habit of grabbing where something is bad, the Romans often grabbed foreign gods for themselves.

The Roman emperors, taking advantage of this love of their people and deciding that you could not spoil porridge with butter, introduced adoration of their own person. After the death of each emperor, the Senate ranked him among the gods. Then they decided that it was much more convenient to do this even during the life of the emperor: the latter could thus build a temple for himself to his liking, while the ancient gods had to be content with anything.

In addition, no one could follow the festivals and religious ceremonies established in their own name as zealously as God himself, who was personally present. This was very encouraging for the flock.

Philosophical schools

Philosophy in Rome was not only a matter of philosophers: every father of a family had the right to philosophize at the hearth.

In addition, everyone could refer themselves to some kind of philosophical school. One considered himself a Pythagorean because he ate beans, another considered himself an Epicurean because he drank, ate, and was merry. Each shameless assured that he does nasty things only because he belongs to the cynical school. Among the important Romans there were many Stoics, who had a disgusting habit of summoning guests and immediately opening their veins during a cake. This unscrupulous reception was considered the height of hospitality.

Domestic life and position of a woman

The dwellings of the Romans were very modest: a one-story house with holes instead of windows was simple and cute. The streets were very narrow, so the chariots could only travel in one direction so as not to meet each other.

The food of the Romans was simple. They ate twice a day: a snack (prandium) at noon, and dinner (coena) at four o'clock. In addition, in the morning they had breakfast (frishtik), in the evening they had supper and between meals they killed a worm. This austere lifestyle made the Romans healthy and durable.

From the provinces, expensive and delicious foods were delivered to Rome: peacocks, pheasants, nightingales, fish, ants and the so-called "Trojan pigs" - porcns trojanus - in memory of the very pig that Paris planted on the Trojan king Menelaus. Without this pig, not a single Roman would sit down at the table.

At first, Roman women were in complete submission to their husbands, then they began to please not so much the husband as his friends, and often even enemies.

Having left the upbringing of children to the slaves, their she-wolves, the Roman matrons made acquaintances with Greek and Roman literature and became sophisticated in playing the zither.

Divorces occurred so often that sometimes they did not have time to finish the marriage of a matron with one man, as she was already marrying another.

Contrary to all logic, this polygamy increased, according to historians, "the number of single men and reduced childbearing," as if only married men had children, and not married women!

The people were dying out. The carefree matrons frolicked, not caring a lot about procreation.

It ended badly. For several years in a row, only the Vestals gave birth. The government was alarmed.

Emperor Augustus reduced the rights of single men, and married, on the contrary, allowed himself a lot of unnecessary things. But all these laws did not lead to anything. Rome was destroyed.

Upbringing

The upbringing of the Romans in the flourishing era of the state was very strict. Young people were required to be humble and obedient to their elders.

In addition, if they did not understand something, they could ask someone for an explanation while walking and respectfully listen to it.

When Rome fell into decay, the education of youth was also shaken. It began to learn grammar and eloquence, and this greatly spoiled its temper.

Literature

Literature flourished in Rome and developed under the influence of the Greeks.

The Romans were very fond of writing, and since slaves wrote for them, almost every Roman who had a literate slave was considered a writer.

In Rome, the newspaper "Nuncius Romanus" - "Roman Messenger" was published, in which Horace himself wrote feuilletons on the topic of the day.

The emperors, too, did not disdain literature and from time to time placed some kind of prank of an imperious pen in the newspaper.

One can imagine the thrill of the editorial board when the emperor, at the head of his legions, appeared on the appointed day for a fee.

Writers in those days, despite the lack of censorship, had a very difficult time. If an esthete was sitting on the throne, for the slightest error in style or literary form, he ordered the unfortunate poet to hang himself. There could be no talk of any imprisonment or replacement with a fine.

As a rule, emperors demanded that every literary work in a brilliant and convincing form interpreted the merits of his person.

This made the literature very monotonous, and the books sold poorly.

Therefore, writers loved to lock themselves somewhere in silence and solitude and from there give free rein to their pen. On giving free rein, they immediately embarked on a journey.

One noble nobleman named Petronius made a ridiculous attempt to publish in Rome (it's hard even to believe!) Satyricon! The madman imagined that this magazine could be as successful in the 1st century A.D. as in the 20th century A.D.

Petronius possessed sufficient funds (every day he ate mosquito eyebrows in sour cream, accompanying himself on zither), he possessed both education and endurance of character, but despite all this, he could not wait twenty centuries. He went bankrupt with his untimely undertaking and, having satisfied the subscribers, died, and he blew out his veins on his friends.

"Satyricon will wait for the most worthy" - were the last words of the great seer.

Science of law

When more or less all poets and writers hanged themselves, one branch of Roman science and literature reached its highest stage of development, namely, the science of law.

No country had such a mass of lawyers as in Rome, and the need for them was very great.

Every time a new emperor who had killed his predecessor ascended the throne, which sometimes happened several times a year, the best lawyers had to write a legal justification for this crime for public disclosure.

Make up a similar excuse mostly it was very difficult: it required special Roman legal knowledge, and many lawyers laid down their wild heads on this matter.

This is how the peoples of antiquity lived, moving from cheap simplicity to expensive splendor and, developing, fell into insignificance.

Images of Oral Questions and Written Problems for Reviewing Ancient History

1. Point out the difference between the statue of Memnon and the pythia.

2. Trace the influence of agriculture on Persian women.

3. Point out the difference between Pseudo-Smerdiz and simple Smerdiz.

4. Draw a parallel between Penelope's suitors and the first Punic war.

5. Point out the difference between the depraved Messalina and the deeply spoiled Agrippina.

6. List how many times the Roman legions wavered and how many times they were confused.

7. Express yourself several times laconically without harming your own personality (exercise).

Foreword

There is no need to explain what history is as such, since everyone should know this with mother's milk. But what is ancient history - a few words must be said about it.
It is difficult to find a person in the world who, at least once in his life, in scientific language, would not have burst into some history. But no matter how long ago it happened to him, nevertheless, the incident that happened, we have no right to call the ancient history. For in the face of science, everything has its own strict subdivision and classification.
Let's put it more shortly:
a) ancient history is a history that happened extremely long ago;
b) ancient history is such a history that happened to the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.
Everything that concerns the most ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.
Scientists, although they know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, then it would have to be called historical), nevertheless, they divide it into three centuries:
1) stone, when people made stone tools for themselves using bronze;
2) bronze, when bronze tools were made with the help of stone;
3) iron, when iron tools were made with the help of bronze and stone.
In general, inventions were rare then and people were hard on inventions; that's why they'll just invent something - now they call their century by the name of the invention.
In our time, this is already unthinkable, because every day it would be necessary to change the name of the century: Pilliary Age, Flat Age, Syndeticon Age, etc., etc., which would immediately cause strife and international wars.
In those days, about which absolutely nothing is known, people lived in huts and ate each other; then, having strengthened and developed the brain, they began to eat the surrounding nature: animals, birds, fish and plants. Then, having divided into families, they began to fence themselves in with palisades, through which at first they quarreled for many centuries; then they began to fight, started a war, and thus a state, a state, a state life arose, on which the further development of civic consciousness and culture is based.
The ancients are classified by skin color as black, white and yellow.
White, in turn, is divided into:
1) the Aryans, descended from Noah's son Japheth and named so that one could not immediately guess from whom they came;
2) Semites - or those who do not have the right of residence - and
3) khamites, people in a decent society are not accepted
As a rule, history is always divided chronologically from such and such to such and such a period. You cannot do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, wandered from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways , without order, reason and purpose. Therefore, learned people came up with the idea of considering the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you will not get out.

East

Egypt

Egypt is located in Africa and has long been famous for the pyramids, sphinxes, the spilling of the Nile and Queen Cleopatra.
Pyramids are pyramidal buildings that were erected by the pharaohs for their glorification. The pharaohs were caring people and did not trust even the closest people to dispose of their corpse at their discretion. And, barely leaving his infancy, the pharaoh was already looking out for a secluded place and began to build a pyramid for his future ashes.
After death, the body of the pharaoh was gutted from the inside with great ceremonies and stuffed with aromas. Outside, they enclosed it in a painted case, put everything together in a sarcophagus and placed it inside the pyramid. From time to time, that small amount of the pharaoh, which was between the fragrances and the case, dried up and turned into a hard membrane. This is how the ancient monarchs spent their people's money unproductively!

But fate is fair. Less than a few tens of thousands of years later, the Egyptian population regained its prosperity by trading wholesale and retail in the mortal corpses of their overlords, and in many European museums you can see samples of these dried pharaohs, nicknamed mummies for their immobility. For a special fee, museum keepers allow visitors to snap a finger at the mummy.
Further, the ruins of temples serve as monuments of Egypt. Most of all, they have been preserved in the place of ancient Thebes, nicknamed by the number of their twelve gates "100". Now, according to the testimony of archaeologists, these gates have been converted into Arab villages. So sometimes great turns into useful!
Egyptian monuments are often covered with inscriptions that are extremely difficult to make out. That is why scientists called them hieroglyphs.
The inhabitants of Egypt were divided into different castes. The most important caste were the priests. It was very difficult to get into the priests. To do this, it was necessary to study geometry up to the equality of triangles, including geography, which at that time embraced the space of the globe at least six hundred square miles.
The priests were up to their throats, because, in addition to geography, they also had to engage in divine services, and since the Egyptians had an extremely large number of gods, it was sometimes difficult for another priest to grab even an hour for geography for the whole day.
The Egyptians were not particularly picky in paying divine honors. They deified the sun, cow, Nile, bird, dog, moon, cat, wind, hippo, earth, mouse, crocodile, snake and many other domestic and wild animals.
In view of this great many, the most cautious and devout Egyptian every minute had to commit various blasphemies. It will step on the tail of the cat, then it will poke at the sacred dog, then it will eat the holy fly in the borscht. The people became nervous, died out and degenerated.
Among the pharaohs there were many wonderful ones who glorified themselves with their monuments and autobiographies, without expecting this courtesy from their descendants.

Babylon

Babylon, famous for its pandemonium, was also nearby.

Assyria

The main city of Assyria was Assyria, named after the god Assyria, who in turn received this name from the main city of Assu. Where is the end here, where is the beginning - the ancient peoples could not figure out their illiteracy and did not leave any monuments that could help us in this bewilderment.
The Assyrian kings were very warlike and cruel. They struck their enemies most of all with their names, of which Assur-Tiglaf-Abu-Herib-Nazir-Nipal was the shortest and simplest. As a matter of fact, it was not even a name, but an abbreviated pet name, which was given to the young tsar by his mother for his small stature.
The custom of the Assyrian baptisms was as follows: as soon as a baby was born to the king, male, female or other sex, immediately a specially trained clerk sat down and, taking wedges in his hands, began to write the name of the newborn on clay slabs. When, exhausted by work, the clerk fell dead, he was replaced by another, and so on until the baby reached adulthood. By this time, all his name was considered fully and correctly spelled to the end.
These kings were very cruel. Loudly calling out their name, they, before conquering the country, had already seated its inhabitants on stakes.

From the surviving images, modern scientists see that the Assyrians had a very high hairdressing art, since all kings had beards curled with even, neat curls.
If you take this issue even more seriously, you can be even more surprised, since it is clear that in Assyrian times, not only people, but also lions did not neglect hairdressing tongs. For the Assyrians always depict animals with the same manes and tails curled into locks, like the beards of their kings.
Indeed, the study of samples of ancient culture can bring significant benefits not only to humans, but also to animals.
The last Assyrian king is considered, in abbreviated form, Ashur-Adonai-Aban-Nipal. When the Medes besieged his capital, the cunning Ashur ordered a fire to be made on the square of his palace; then, putting all his property on it, he climbed upstairs himself with all his wives and, having insured himself, burned to the ground.
The enraged enemies hastened to surrender.

Persians

In Iran lived peoples whose names ended in "Yana": Baktryans and Medes, except for the Persians, who ended in "sy".
The Bactrians and Medes quickly lost their courage and indulged in effeminacy, and the Persian king Astyages had a grandson Cyrus, who founded the Persian monarchy.
About the youth of Cyrus Herodotus tells a touching legend.

Once Astyages dreamed that a tree grew out of his daughter. Struck by the indecency of this dream, Astyages ordered the magicians to unravel it. The magicians said that the son of the daughter of Astyages would reign over the whole of Asia. Astyages was very upset, as he wished for a more modest fate for his grandson.
- And tears flow through the gold! - he said and instructed his courtier to strangle the baby.
The courtier, who was up to his throat with his job, entrusted this business to a familiar shepherd. The shepherd, due to his ignorance and negligence, confused everything and, instead of strangling him, began to raise the child.
When the child grew up and began to play with his peers, he once ordered to flog the son of a nobleman. The nobleman complained to Astyages. Astyages became interested in the broad nature of the child. After talking with him and examining the victim, he exclaimed:
- This is Cyrus! Only in our family know how to flog.
And Cyrus fell into the arms of his grandfather.
Having reached age, Cyrus defeated the Lydian king Croesus and began to fry him at the stake. But during this procedure, Croesus suddenly exclaimed:
- Oh, Solon, Solon, Solon!
This greatly surprised the wise Cyrus.
- Such words, - he confessed to friends, - I have never heard from those who were fried.
He beckoned Croesus to him and began to ask what it meant.
Then Croesus told. that he was visited by the Greek sage Solon. Wanting to throw dust in the eyes of the sage, Croesus showed him his treasures and, to tease, asked Solon whom he considered the happiest person in the world.
If Solon were a gentleman, he would, of course, say "you, your majesty." But the sage was a simple-minded man, from the narrow-minded, and blurted out that "before death, no one can say about himself that he is happy."
Since Croesus was a tsar developed beyond his years, he immediately realized that after death, people rarely talk in general, so even then there would be no need to boast of their happiness, and he was very offended by Solon.
This story greatly shocked the faint-hearted Cyrus. He apologized to Croesus and did not fry him.
After Cyrus, his son Cambyses reigned. Cambyses went to fight the Ethiopians, went into the desert and there, suffering greatly from hunger, little by little ate his entire army. Realizing the difficulty of such a system, he hastened to return to Memphis. There, at this time, the opening of the new Apis was celebrated.
At the sight of this healthy, well-fed bull, the emaciated tsar rushed at him and pinned him with his own hands, and at the same time his brother Smerdiz, who was spinning under his feet.
One clever magician took advantage of this and, declaring himself a False Mire, immediately began to reign. The Persians rejoiced:
- Long live our king Falsemurdiz! They shouted.
At this time, King Cambyses, completely obsessed with beef, died from a wound that he inflicted on himself, wanting to taste his own meat.
This is how this wisest of the Eastern despots died.
After Cambyses, Darius Hystaspus reigned, who became famous for his campaign against the Scythians.

The Scythians were very brave and cruel. after the battle, feasts were organized, during which they drank and ate from the skulls of freshly killed enemies.
Those of the soldiers who did not kill a single enemy could not take part in the feast for lack of their dishes and watched the celebration from afar, tormented by hunger and remorse.
Having learned about the approach of Darius Hystaspes, the Scythians sent him a frog, a bird, a mouse and an arrow.
With these simple gifts, they thought to soften the heart of a formidable enemy.
But things took a completely different turn.
One of the warriors of Darius Hystaspes, who was very tired of hanging out after his master in foreign lands, undertook to interpret the true meaning of the Scythian message.
“This means that if you Persians do not fly like birds, gnaw like a mouse, and jump like a frog, you will not return to your home forever.
Darius could neither fly nor jump. He was scared to death and ordered the shafts to be turned.
Darius Hystaspes became famous not only for this campaign, but also for the equally wise government, which he led with the same success as military enterprises.
The ancient Persians at first were distinguished by their courage and simplicity of morals. They taught their sons three subjects:
1) ride a horse;
2) shoot a bow and
3) tell the truth.
A young man who did not pass the exam in all three of these subjects was considered ignorant and was not accepted into the civil service.
But little by little, the Persians began to indulge in a pampered lifestyle. They stopped riding, forgot how to shoot a bow, and, idly spending time, cut the truth. As a result, the huge Persian state began to rapidly decline.
Previously, Persian youths ate only bread and vegetables. Depraved, they demanded soup (330 BC). Alexander the Great took advantage of this and conquered Persia.

Greece

Greece occupies the southern part of the Balkan Peninsula.
Nature itself has divided Greece into four parts:

1) northern, which is in the north;
2) western - in the west;
3) east - not east and, finally,
4) southern, occupying the south of the peninsula.
This original division of Greece has long attracted the attention of the entire cultural segment of the world's population.
The so-called "Greeks" lived in Greece.
They spoke in a dead language and indulged in the composition of myths about gods and heroes.
The favorite hero of the Greeks was Hercules, famous for cleaning the Augean stables and thus gave the Greeks an unforgettable example of cleanliness. In addition, this neater killed his wife and children.
The second favorite hero of the Greeks was Oedipus, who absentmindedly killed his father and married his mother. As a result, a pestilence plague spread throughout the country, and everything was revealed. Oedipus had to gouge out his eyes and travel with Antigone.
In southern Greece, the myth of the Trojan War, or "Beautiful Helena", was created in three acts with the music of Offenbach.
It was like this: Tsar Menelaus (comedian buff) had a wife, nicknamed for her beauty and for wearing a dress with a slit, Beautiful Helen. She was kidnapped by Paris, which Menelaus did not like very much. Then the Trojan War began.
The war was terrible. Menelaus found himself completely without a voice, and all the other heroes lied mercilessly.
Nevertheless, this war remained in the memory of grateful humanity; for example, the phrase of the priest of Calchas: "Too many flowers" is still quoted by many feuilletonists, not without success.

The war ended thanks to the intervention of the cunning Odysseus. To give the soldiers the opportunity to get into Troy, Odysseus made a wooden horse and put the soldiers in it, and he left. The Trojans, tired of the long siege, were not averse to playing with a wooden horse, for which they paid. In the midst of the game, the Greeks got out of the horse and conquered the reckless enemies.
After the destruction of Troy, the Greek heroes returned home, but not to their delight. It turned out that during this time their wives chose new heroes for themselves and indulged in treason to their husbands, who were killed immediately after the first handshakes.
The cunning Odysseus, foreseeing all this, did not return straight home, but made a small detour at ten years old to give his wife Penelope time to get ready to meet him.
Faithful Penelope was waiting for him, whiling away the time with her suitors.
The grooms really wanted to marry her, but she reasoned that it was much more fun to have thirty grooms than one husband, and cheated on the unfortunate, delaying the wedding day. During the day Penelope weaved, at night she flogged the weaved, and at the same time her son Telemachus. This story ended tragically: Odysseus returned.
The Iliad depicts for us the military side of Greek life. The Odyssey paints everyday pictures and social customs.
Both of these poems are considered the works of the blind singer Homer, whose name was so highly respected in ancient times that seven cities disputed the honor of being his homeland. What a difference with the fate of contemporary poets, who are often not averse to abandoning their own parents!
Based on the Iliad and the Odyssey, we can say the following about heroic Greece.
The population of Greece was divided into:
1) kings;
2) warriors and
3) the people.
Each performed its own function.
The king reigned, the soldiers fought, and the people "with a mixed roar" expressed their approval or disapproval of the first two categories.
The tsar, usually a poor man, descended from the gods (weak consolation with an empty treasury) and supported his existence with more or less voluntary gifts.

The noble men surrounding the king also produced their lineage from the gods, but to a more distant degree, so to speak, the seventh water on jelly.
In the war, these noble men came out ahead of the rest of the army and were distinguished by the splendor of their weapons. A helmet covered them from above, a shell in the middle and a shield on all sides. Dressed in this way, the noble husband rode into battle in a pair chariot with a coachman - calm and comfortable, like in a tram.
Everyone fought in disperse, every man for himself, therefore, even the defeated, could talk a lot and eloquently about their military exploits, which no one had seen.
In addition to the king, soldiers and people, there were also slaves in Greece, consisting of former kings, former soldiers and former people.
The position of women among the Greeks was enviable in comparison with her position among the eastern peoples.
All household chores, spinning, weaving, washing clothes and other various household chores, lay on the Greek woman, while Eastern women were forced to spend time in idleness and harem pleasures among boring luxury.
The religion of the Greeks was political, and the gods were in constant communication with people, and in many families they were often and quite easily. Sometimes the gods behaved frivolously and even indecently, plunging the people who invented them into woeful bewilderment.
In one of the ancient Greek prayer chants that have come down to our days, we clearly hear a mournful note:

Is it possible, gods,
It makes you laugh
When our honor
Somersault, somersault
Will it fly ?!

The Greeks had a very vague concept of the afterlife. The shadows of sinners were sent to the gloomy Tartarus (in Russian - to the tartars). The righteous were blessed in Elysium, but so poorly that Achilles, who was well versed in these matters, admitted frankly: "It is better to be a poor man's day laborer on earth than to reign over all the shadows of the dead." Reasoning that amazed the entire ancient world with its commercialism.
The Greeks learned their future through oracles. The most revered oracle was in Delphi. Here the priestess, the so-called Pythia, sat on the so-called tripod (it should not be confused with the statue of Memnon) and, having gone into a frenzy, uttered incoherent words.
The Greeks, spoiled by fluent speech with hexameters, flocked from all over Greece to listen to incoherent words and interpret them in their own way.
The Greeks were tried in the Amphictyon court.
The tribunal met twice a year; the spring session was in Delphi, the autumn session in Thermopylae.
Each congregation sent two juries to the court. The jury came up with a very clever oath. Instead of promising to judge according to their conscience, not to take bribes, not to bend their souls and not to shield their relatives, they swore the following oath: war time".
That's all!
But this shows what superhuman strength the ancient Greek jury possessed. Even the most overwhelming of them could have destroyed the city or stopped the flowing water. Therefore, it is clear that the cautious Greeks did not pester them with oaths of bribes and other nonsense, but tried to neutralize these animals in the most important way.
The Greeks led their chronology according to the most important events of their social life, that is, the Olympic Games. These games consisted in the fact that the ancient Greek youths competed in strength and dexterity. Everything went like clockwork, but then Herodotus started reading aloud excerpts from his history during the competition. This deed had the proper effect; the athletes relaxed, the audience, which had hitherto burst into the Olympics like mad, refused to go there even for the money that the ambitious Herodotus generously promised her. The games stopped by themselves.

Sparta

Laconia formed the southeastern part of the Peloponnese and got its name from the manner of the inhabitants there to express themselves laconically.
It was hot in Laconia in summer, cold in winter. This unusual climate system for other countries, according to historians, contributed to the development of cruelty and energy in the character of the inhabitants.
The main city of Laconia was called Sparta for no reason.
In Sparta, there was a moat filled with water so that the inhabitants could practice throwing each other into the water. The city itself was not fenced off by walls and: the courage of the citizens had to serve as its protection. This, of course, cost the local city fathers less than the poorest palisade. The Spartans, cunning by nature, arranged so that they always reigned two kings at a time. The kings squabbled among themselves, leaving the people alone. The end of this bacchanalia was put by the legislator Lycurgus.
Lycurgus was a royal family and took care of his nephew.
At the same time, he constantly poked everyone in the eyes with his justice. When the patience of those around him finally burst out, Lycurgus was advised to go traveling. They thought that the journey would develop Lycurgus and somehow affect his justice.
But, as they say, together it is sickening, but apart it is boring. No sooner had Lycurgus refreshed himself in the company of the Egyptian priests, than his compatriots demanded his return. Lycurgus returned and approved his laws in Sparta.
After that, fearing too warm gratitude from the expansive people, he hastened to starve himself to death.
- Why give others what you can do yourself! Were his last words.
The Spartans, seeing that bribes were smooth from him, began to pay divine honors to his memory.
The population of Sparta was divided into three classes: Spartiats, Periecs and Helots.
The Spartans were local aristocrats, did gymnastics, walked naked and generally set the tone.
Periekam gymnastics was prohibited. Instead, they paid taxes.
The helots, or, as the local wits put it, the "under-eaters", had the worst. They worked the fields, went to war and often rebelled against their masters. The latter, in order to win them over to their side, invented the so-called crypt, that is, they simply killed all the helots they met at a certain hour. This remedy quickly made the helots change their minds and heal in complete contentment.
The Spartan kings were highly respected, but with little credit. The people believed them only for a month, then forced them to swear allegiance to the laws of the republic again.
Since Sparta always reigned two kings and, moreover, there was also a republic, then all this together was called an aristocratic republic.
According to the laws of this republic, the Spartans were prescribed the most modest way of life in their terms. For example, men were not allowed to dine at home; they gathered in a cheerful company in the so-called restaurants - a custom observed by many people of aristocratic fold and in our time as a relic of the hoary antiquity.
Their favorite food was black soup, made from pork broth, blood, vinegar and salt. This soup, as a historical memory of the glorious past, is still cooked in our Greek kitchens, where it is known as Brandahlista.
In dress, the Spartans were also very modest and simple. Only before the battle did they dress up in a more complex toilet, which consisted of a wreath on their head and a flute in their right hand. At the usual time, they denied themselves this.

Parenting

The upbringing of the children was very harsh. Most often they were killed immediately. This made them courageous and resilient.
They received the most thorough education: they were taught not to scream while flogging. At the age of twenty, the Spartiat passed an examination in this subject for a certificate of maturity. At thirty he became a spouse, at sixty he was relieved of this duty.

Foreword

There is no need to explain what history is as such, since everyone should know this with mother's milk. But what is ancient history - a few words must be said about it.

It is difficult to find a person in the world who, at least once in his life, in scientific language, would not have burst into some history. But no matter how long ago it happened to him, nevertheless, the incident that happened, we have no right to call the ancient history. For in the face of science, everything has its own strict subdivision and classification.

Let's put it more shortly:

a) ancient history is a history that happened extremely long ago;

b) ancient history is such a history that happened to the Romans, Greeks, Assyrians, Phoenicians and other peoples who spoke stillborn languages.

Everything that concerns the most ancient times and about which we know absolutely nothing is called the prehistoric period.

Scientists, although they know absolutely nothing about this period (because if they knew, then it would have to be called historical), nevertheless, they divide it into three centuries:

1) stone, when people made stone tools for themselves using bronze;

2) bronze, when bronze tools were made with the help of stone;

3) iron, when iron tools were made with the help of bronze and stone.

In general, inventions were rare then and people were hard on inventions; that's why they'll just invent something - now they call their century by the name of the invention.

In those days, about which absolutely nothing is known, people lived in huts and ate each other; then, having strengthened and developed the brain, they began to eat the surrounding nature: animals, birds, fish and plants. Then, having divided into families, they began to fence themselves in with palisades, through which at first they quarreled for many centuries; then they began to fight, started a war, and thus a state, a state, a state life arose, on which the further development of civic consciousness and culture is based.

The ancients are classified by skin color as black, white and yellow.

White, in turn, is divided into:

1) the Aryans, descended from Noah's son Japheth and named so that one could not immediately guess from whom they came;

2) Semites - or those who do not have the right of residence - and

3) khamites, people in a decent society are not accepted.

As a rule, history is always divided chronologically from such and such to such and such a period. You cannot do this with ancient history, because, firstly, no one knows anything about it, and secondly, the ancient peoples lived stupidly, wandered from one place to another, from one era to another, and all this without railways , without order, reason and purpose. Therefore, learned people came up with the idea of considering the history of each nation separately. Otherwise, you will get so confused that you will not get out.