How to overcome fear and self-doubt. How to get rid of fear and insecurity: simple techniques to deal with low self-esteem. Seven steps to success

Fear has a real effect on the body. And if in Everyday life A small dose of fear can be helpful, but constant worry, self-doubt, and irrational fear can cause a host of health problems. When fear and uncertainty cloud judgment, these unhealthy thought processes can cloud your mind and prevent you from reaching your goal.

That is why it is important to be aware of your own fears and insecurities and agree that if they really interfere with normal life, then something needs to be done about them. Here are some tips on how to overcome fear and insecurity in yourself.

How to overcome insecurity and fear

Recognize and identify fears and insecurities
The first step to eliminating fear is acknowledging it. For yourself, you need to determine what exactly makes you afraid: failure? refusal? fear of looking stupid? Once the fear has been identified, you need to sit down and think about why you are afraid. Or are the fears logical, or are they just a product of your emotions?
stop thinking
Of course, it's a good habit to think things over before making an important decision. But overthinking too much actually distances you from action. If you don't act, you will never move forward. So stop analyzing every little thing, act.
Find in yourself strengths
When you remind yourself of what you are good at and what you like about yourself, you will gain more trust and confidence, which means you will begin to let go of your fear.
Exercise and eat well
We all know that physical exercise and a healthy diet are very beneficial for our body. healthy image life can also improve your mood and make you feel calmer, more balanced and confident. And this, in turn, is a sure way to defeat anxiety and insecurity.
Set yourself a goal
Without a plan, it's very easy to get lost and it's very easy to feel like your life has no meaning. Setting a goal can give you specific direction and make you rise above your fears and achieve what you want in life. In addition, when you achieve your goal, you get even more self-confidence every time.

As you can see, fear can be overcome. After all, this is only a product of the mind and internal struggle. It has nothing to do with the outside world. If you look within, learn to trust your decision, and can love your self, then you can enjoy life to the fullest.

Although we have contact with our social environment since childhood, for many people it is communication with others that is the source of problems. Even if we do not take into account severe cases that require treatment (for example, social phobias, when a person cannot leave the house at all, is afraid of any social contacts), many people have certain difficulties in the field of social interaction:

Some fail to defend their interests, even when they are absolutely right.

Others cannot express their feelings in a way that their partner can understand. Over time, they become embittered, withdraw into themselves, become a “man in a case” and take offense at the whole world.

Still others cannot establish contact with the person they would like to meet at all. They are neither able to build social relationships. It is as if something is holding them, preventing them from taking a step towards the other.

Some are too tactful, afraid to object or offend, to say "no" in response to someone's request or demand. As a result, they find themselves in the position of horse-drawn donkeys, on which everyone “carries water”.

Many are too modest, very afraid of "assessing looks" and "talking behind their backs." They are not at all opposed to becoming a leader and secretly dream of it, however, in real life continue to be a gray mouse. This makes them feel lighter and more relaxed. The paradox is that such behavior does not in the least save them from sidelong glances and rumors. Those who try to be modest and inconspicuous are “washed out of the bones” no less than pronounced leaders. And sometimes much more. This is because the former (unlike the latter) are often unable to fend for themselves. They seem to be wearing a T-shirt with the inscription: "I'm gray and inconspicuous, don't hit me." And such a life motto just gives rise in many people to the desire to "hit", to establish themselves at the expense of the "modest". There are plenty of such “predator” people in life. Therefore, those people who believe that the more modest they behave, the less negative assessments and “oblique” views they receive, are very mistaken.

Uncertainty and fear of communication sometimes come from the inability to understand people. A person, as it were, does not hear those around him, does not understand their emotions, shades of speech - and this is the same as talking with a stone wall. Due to constant failures in communication, a negative emotional charge accumulates - resentment, bitterness, fear, despair. Unresolved problems and conflicts settle in the subconscious, cause a depressed state and create a constant negative background in life.

Sometimes our whole way of life from birth is aimed at nurturing insecurity. Family, kindergarten, school ... Alas, often adults rush to break the child as a person early, demanding first of all subordination and then everything else. Those in power are also interested in this. Pay attention to modern media: the trends in the selection of news are very eloquent. They contribute to the cultivation of our uncertainty in ourselves and in the future. They form a feeling of insecurity, dependence on the next king-father who will take care of us and solve all our problems and hardships. Intimidated, insecure people are always easier to manage. But is it good for us?

If you can say with a pure heart that you do not have such problems at all, then you are truly a perfect person. Congratulations. However, such perfect people are rare. Most people have some form of communication difficulty. Someone is afraid to meet people of the opposite sex, someone is afraid to speak in public...

If you have not yet closed this web page and continue to read this text, then we believe that you are one of those people who still have certain communication problems. We want to help you find their solution.

How can you overcome the fear of communication and insecurity? Let's start with simple and elementary things. Their advantage is that you do not need outside help to master them. You do not need to contact a qualified psychologist or psychotherapist. You can practice them on your own.

However, you cannot improve your social competence if you just read this text. You can't learn to swim without jumping into the water. You cannot learn to communicate and defend your opinion without defending it. Calmness and lack of uncertainty depend on the experience of communicating in different situations. The more experience, the less uncertainty. Therefore, we offer you a series of exercises for training. We believe that you can achieve real change only when you try something new, start experimenting with your behavior, even if this will lead to some mistakes. Remember: change won't happen overnight. It is necessary to go through several stages.

To learn to feel more free in communication, you need to be focused on the process of communication itself, and not on your internal reactions and fear of failure. There is an interesting paradox: you will only start making a good impression on people when you stop focusing on it. Remember how small children communicate - easily and directly, without thinking about what others think of them.

Everyone has fears and complexes, but not everyone makes them an object of worship. To get rid of uncertainty, you need to learn to be focused on the process of communication itself, and not on your inner fears. Indeed, in any important conversation, it is very important to see the reaction of the interlocutor and, by words, gestures, facial expressions or intonation, understand him, find out what exactly he means. And depending on this, look for convincing arguments and effectively correct your own behavior. And when you look deep into yourself - at what burns you from the inside - you, accordingly, do not see your interlocutor. Hence the lack of communication.

The fact is that external communication and internal dialogue with oneself are two different psychological process. They cannot be solved simultaneously, only sequentially. If in the process of communication a person tries to mix them up (simultaneously observe what is happening outside and inside him), then his brain “freezes” like the Windows operating system. Because of this, all sorts of problems begin: physiological (dry throat, sweat on the forehead, stuttering) and psychological (from not knowing “what to say” at a crucial moment to the inability to defend one’s interests). Therefore, when you communicate, you should be focused on your interlocutor and his behavior, and not on your thoughts and feelings in the depths of your soul. Do it.

There is another strange rule that has been repeatedly tested in practice. The path to success is the only kind of activity in which YOU DO NOT owe ANYTHING to ANYONE!!! Live first of all according to your moral laws, and not in accordance with the assessments and requirements of others. The paradox is that those people who can really appreciate you are unlikely to appreciate you. And if someone looks askance or discusses you behind your back, then this is clearly not the person whose opinion you should listen to.

“Who understands does not appreciate; and who evaluates - does not understand, ”- an old Chinese proverb.

Only on this basis can one overcome insecurity and fear, discover new possibilities of life in oneself: inner freedom, success, joy, understanding of others, leadership... If you understand and accept this, you will be able to find the strength in yourself to communicate on equal terms with a variety of people and defend their point of view.

Now think about what you are afraid of, what causes your fear? Recall the most embarrassing situations in communication that happened to you. Or imagine the worst thing that can happen when you interact with others. For example, a crowd of people has gathered around, everyone is pointing a finger at you, laughing at your mistakes in words and sentences, spitting at you, throwing rotten eggs at you, hanging you by your legs and burning you at the stake - just because you are "not right" yourself you lead and say “not that”. And you turn into a pile of ashes. After that, you can mentally place the urn with ashes wherever you want. And then imagine how you are reborn from the ashes, like a Phoenix Bird. And you start living again. And so it is always: you are burned, and you are reborn again and again. They shoot you, they want to pulverize you, and you are resurrected again. You are knocked down, face down on the asphalt, and you get up again. And every time you get stronger and stronger. With each rebirth, your insecurity decreases.

And then take a piece of paper and write a list of all the worst horrors that can happen to you during various situations communication. As well as all the possible intrigues of those around you with whom you communicate. And your possible inconvenience from these intrigues. And then take another piece of paper and write down those positive things that you will gain for yourself by getting rid of your fear and insecurity. Try to find at least 5 positive moments, and preferably 10-15. Next, put two sheets side by side and compare. What outweighs? What is more important to you? Fear of the assessments of others or future peace of mind, psychological balance and success in life? What's more important to you, do it. Burn the less important leaf for you and scatter it in the wind. And hang the more important one on the wall (put it under glass) and reread it regularly. This will be your life choice.

Hope you did right choice. So now let's move on to practice. From now on, try to use any excuse to communicate effectively. Not just at work or with family. First of all - outside your usual social circle. At first, these should be complete strangers - this will make it easier for you. You don't know them, they don't know you, if something went wrong, it's okay. No problem, you'll never see them again. Don't focus on possible failures. What matters to us now is not the quality of your contacts with others, but their quantity.

The result itself is not important at first, the process is important. Therefore, it is better to start with completely random people, communication with whom does not oblige you to anything and possible failures with them do not affect anything. For example, make it a rule to talk to every taxi driver (if you are taking a taxi) and ask him to reduce the fare. Or go faster (under the pretext that you are late) or vice versa - go slower, open / close the window (you are hot or cold), turn on the music (“I'm bored!”) Or vice versa turn it off (“your music bothers me!” ). There can be a lot of such everyday excuses for developing confidence and defending your interests. Arrogant fellow travelers in transport, shop assistants, cleaners, neighbors on the landing...

Here is your motto for the coming months: "Exchange at least 2-3 phrases with at least 2-3 strangers daily." Themes for your requirements can be any. And people, respectively, are also any. Just try to follow this rule strictly, without making yourself any discounts, indulgences and days off. Do not invent for yourself any self-justifications like “today I have no time, I’m not in the mood and my head hurts.” The main thing is regularity. After all, those habits that you have formed throughout your life can hardly be changed in one or two days. Need to spend some time. Often this is work through “I can’t” or “I don’t want to” - everything here will depend on your self-discipline. The strength of your perseverance will show you if you really want to get rid of your insecurities.

If you are having difficulty choosing these situations on your own, the following exercise will help you. It was developed by German psychologists.

Approximate list of situations in which you can practice confident behavior

(1) Select a suitable store (radio electronics, furniture store, or the like). Ask sellers to show you one or more products and give you detailed advice. Thank you for the advice and leave the store without buying anything.

(2) Go to a very expensive and trendy store (high-end haute couture boutique, luxury foreign cars, etc.) and look at the goods with interest. Take a few expensive items in hand. When you are approached by a salesperson ("... what are you interested in, can I help you?") say, "Thank you, I just want to take a look around." Don't make excuses and don't apologize. Just look at the goods for a long time and do not buy anything without paying attention to the possible dissatisfaction of the seller.

(3) Go to the store and exchange money with the cashier (for telephone conversations or for cigarettes). Do not give any long explanations and excuses, but only briefly state your request.

(4) Turn to a passer-by on the street and ask him to exchange money for you in order to call (or buy cigarettes).

(5) Turn to a passer-by on the street and ask him to give you some money (for example, for a subway ticket). State only your request and use the word "give". If the person asks questions, justify your request by saying that you supposedly forgot your wallet at home.

(6) Go to cafe and ask to use their phone. Do not order anything despite all the requirements of the waiters, but only talk on the phone. (First think about who you could call)

(7) Get on a crowded bus (metro car) and politely ask one passenger to give you a seat, without explaining the reasons. In response to the question, you can answer that you do not feel well.

(8) You come to a cafe, you see an attractive girl (a woman, a young man, a man ...) there and try to get to know her (him) and make contacts. For example, let's say you go to the movies together.

You can supplement this list with any other situations and adjust the number of points accordingly.

Now choose your first situation and practice over the next week. Take a second one a week later, and so on. After working out the next situation, add the points received to the final amount. This will be your personal achievement rating. You can start with the easiest situation for you, or vice versa - with the most difficult one. The only important thing is that you make sure to implement each of them in practice.

Ignore possible failures, but never forget to praise yourself for what you did well! Avoid self-criticism and self-hatred! Feelings of guilt and self-flagellation have never contributed to high achievements; on the contrary, they often suppress all positive sprouts of self-development. And one more thing: you don’t need to compare yourself with an ideal, thoughts about which probably never leave you. Don't place too high demands on yourself. You should be proud and satisfied even when you are only one step ahead!

Before the situation:

Set yourself up positively (“I can do it”, “I have every right to do this”).

In a situation:

Speak loudly and clearly, but do not shout.

Make eye contact with your partner (eye contact).

Keep loose and relaxed.

Express your requirements, desires and feelings using the word "I" for this.

Do not apologize if you ask for something or make any demands. Just thank the person for the service rendered.

Don't get aggressive, be calm and confident. Aggression - back side self-doubt. Your goal is not to offend the other person. No need to belittle the importance of your interlocutor or insult him. Show that you respect the position of the other.

After situation:

Appreciate all your efforts and take into account even the small success that you have achieved. Praise yourself for the result. If there is no success, praise yourself for the very attempt - after all, you overcame your own fear and insecurity when you first took a step towards communication.

After a few weeks of this constant practice, you will notice that the problem of insecurity begins to gradually disappear. By herself. You no longer think feverishly about what to say and how to defend your opinion in a difficult situation. There are fewer and fewer obvious failures. And vice versa, the list of your achievements begins to grow gradually:

We were able to defend our interests in a dispute with an impudent saleswoman;

Were able to speak calmly and confidently in public when you were unexpectedly given the floor in a discussion;

They were able to calmly accept “oblique glances” and discussion of their own person, and not succumb to self-flagellation;

Were able to convince a person during an important conversation;

We were able to find the strength in ourselves not to pay attention to the opinions of people whose opinions were previously perceived very painfully

And much more.

After you work out a set of situations, move on to others that are more difficult for you. Give yourself these tests all the time. You can help yourself better if you start keeping a diary and record all your attempts and positive results in it. After a few weeks or months, when you reread the pages of the diary, you will see how quickly you got used to such situations and how much more confident you have become. So that you can compare results later, you need to evaluate yourself according to the same scheme every time. It is important that you are really honest with yourself. Do not embellish anything - but do not be too critical!

Materials of training courses were used:

Anxiety, self-doubt actual problems v modern world. Without courage and determination, it is unthinkable to live a bright, full, rich in interesting episodes life.

Many people think that these unpleasant qualities exist from birth. This is absolutely not true. To free yourself from vain doubts, you should start working hard on yourself. Only a person who has the strength not to bend under circumstances can be considered courageous.. Go to meet fate with your head held high. Overcoming all the difficulties and obstacles that have arisen in his way. To do this, you need to know the obsessive thoughts that prevent you from loving your work.

I have compiled for you several ways to overcome the above disadvantages.

Staged Loads

Are you terrified of performing in in public places? Start by attending small events, try to show your communication skills. Be the soul of the company, laugh, tell funny stories, and gradually you will notice that speaking in front of a large audience is not at all scary.

If you are afraid of heights, there is no need to climb the tower, it is enough to climb slowly but surely one step higher, overcoming your hidden fears.

In personal relationships, a small step out of your comfort zone can set you on the road to correction. Thus, people who are afraid to have a child for fear of not giving him a decent upbringing should try to communicate with the children of close relatives or acquaintances. The next step is imagination. Submit pictures of what you want. For example, with a baby in her arms. Thinking through the details of the topic and manner of communicating with him. As a result, phobias and indecision will leave you forever.

Decreasing Importance

Practice shows that intensified inner experiences cause those conditions that the individual singles out for himself and increases their significance. To get rid of hesitation and anxiety, it will be useful to look at the problem from different angles. Looking at the problem situation from a different angle, you can find a non-standard solution. Try to rethink it.

For example, you did not invite the head of the organization you work for to a serious event and you are afraid of a change in his position, and bad consequences.

You do not need to attach special importance to your work and wages. If the boss reacts negatively to this and changes the location because of a trifle, then such an employer is hardly needed. Therefore, all worries disappear when the things that are happening lose their value.

Method of "unplanned actions"

Various important events in educational institution, or at work, as a rule, they are thought out to the details. Due to planning, scrolling in the head of every word that will be uttered at the event, phobias and insecurity are generated. Of course, things need to be planned, but without fanaticism and tuning the brain to one topic, which causes stiffness in speech and actions.

When the plan is well thought out, it is necessary to turn off thoughts on this topic and proceed to action. More often, phrases spoken spontaneously, as opposed to carefully thought out, will be more convincing, and you will feel more confident. The only way to deal with fear and indecision will be spontaneous action.

Making sense

Usually a person does not decide on an act when, deep down in his soul, he is not sure of its correctness. In the subconscious, the debate between “for” and “against” continues, but the brain is not able to make a final verdict. In this case, it is important to understand what you really want. If there is a fear of inviting a person you like on a date, the question arises of the need to sort out the situation and think about what doubts may arise and what can happen if you take this step. And there are several tips on how to understand on a first date that you are not on the right path.

A person is afraid of rejection, a blow to self-esteem, and as a result, a decrease in self-esteem. Paradoxical as it may seem, being careful not to look stupid and ridiculous, we begin to behave more ridiculously than usual and fulfill our fears. All decisions must be made carefully, considering the pros and cons of the consequences.

Uncertainty often stems from incompetence towards oneself. As a result, self-realization in any area is impossible without the recognition of the surrounding society. When a person is liked or praised by someone, he becomes more confident and receives the aforementioned social recognition. If we receive criticism addressed to us, then a feeling of uselessness in society is born, self-esteem decreases, as well as the desire to work in that industry. It turns out that a person in the present case is completely subject to the opinion of the people around him, which is wrong. Keep in mind that public criticism is highly subjective and should not be taken seriously without an exhaustive argument. Indeed, sometimes people are not able to understand themselves, and even more so in your thoughts and actions. Knowing yourself is about accepting the real you.

Awareness

This technique is one of the most effective, thanks to which you can overcome the feeling of anxiety. Its essence is to acquire new knowledge, skills and abilities in a certain area, that is, to become a professional. For example, when you are at a new job, characteristics which you do not know well, then you will worry about the inability to perform it at the right level. Whereas a specialist will have no doubts. He has the necessary experience, respectively, and confidence in his abilities. Constant self-development and improvement of knowledge in some area will help you forget your doubts and fears. Having enough information, there will be no need to think about the answer for a long time, fearing the condemnation of the employer or customer. This method is a bit similar to the "comprehension" method. For its implementation, it is not necessary to delve into the little things and subtleties of the situation, just choose your favorite business and develop your knowledge and skills in it. Thus, the meaning of the "awareness" method is the unexpected adoption of an action based on existing knowledge.

Surely, at least once in a lifetime, every person wondered: how to be brave, become more self-confident, increase self-esteem. And only a few, who cope with their fears, begin to positively evaluate their own skills and abilities.

Let's take a look at what fear and insecurity really are, as well as explore methods for overcoming negative states. The work done on yourself will not be in vain, but will allow you to start full life, devoid of restrictions, to achieve their goals.

The nature of fears

By nature, only newborn children are afraid of almost nothing. They are subject to two types of fear: noises and falls, which act as a means of self-preservation, warning the baby of possible danger.

The remaining fears are gradually imposed on a person by society, family, environment.

In addition, fears are acquired from personal or other people's experience. For example, a person bitten by a dog is usually afraid of dogs. And the cause of fear to cross the road can serve as an accident seen.

It should be noted that not all fears are negative emotional states. It's natural necessary reaction, performing protective functions, helping to survive. We don’t run across the road in front of cars, we don’t go up to high cliffs, we don’t walk at night in forested areas because of a rational, justified fear that protects us from a real threat.

Rational fears arise only when there is a REAL danger to life, health, social status, financial well-being, they belong to normal emotional states.

Phobias are characterized by the appearance of an irrational uncontrollable fear or a stable experience in a certain situation or when an object appears (waiting for the appearance).

At the same time, the real threat is greatly exaggerated or absent, the feeling defies logical explanation. For the affected person, even thoughts related to situations or the appearance of an undesirable object lead to significant suffering, manifested by physical, psycho-emotional symptoms:

difficult breathing;
increased heart rate;
chest pains;
trembling;
dizziness;
increased sweating;
tingling sensation all over the body;
severe anxiety, panic;
an irresistible desire to avoid objects of phobias;
utter impotence in the face of imaginary danger.

Success in life largely depends on the character of a person. Self-doubt often hinders the achievement of goals. How to get rid of fear and insecurity? from the field of psychology and esotericism, relieving a person from such a disadvantage. They are easy to perform and do not require special training.