School broke my life, now I have a social phobia. At home among strangers. Will a social phobia be able to live a full life

Our expert - psycho-therapist, psychiatrist Olesya Prischepa.

Be careful, there are people here!

For sociophobes, any speech, report, trip, even such a banal action as going to a cafe is a reason for panic. Unfamiliar interlocutors, especially if they are of the opposite sex, are able to cause fear in such a person only by their appearance. Sociophobes may be afraid to ask what route the bus will take, they are embarrassed to eat ice cream if there are strangers nearby, since it seems to them that everyone is looking at them, they cannot sign documents in a public place for the same reason.

At the same time, during an attack, unpleasant changes occur with a person: speech becomes sharply difficult, heartbeat quickens, suddenly catches breath. Dizziness, nausea, facial flushing, hand tremors - this is not a complete list of all the troubles that social phobia causes. A person suffering from it can suddenly cry for no reason, he is thrown into a fever, then into a cold, to top it off, he can start to stutter.

Psychologists believe that the main components of this disorder are a complex of self-doubt and an extremely strong dependence of a person on someone else's opinion.

Scientists distinguish two types of social phobia. The first is outlined, in which fear manifests itself in situations of the same type (speaking in front of a large audience), and generalized (in this case, fear arises in front of a wide variety of social situations).

Originally from childhood

Social phobia has not yet been properly studied. Its causes cannot always be identified, although most often the source of problems is severe stress and psychological trauma from childhood, as a rule, associated with the detached behavior of the mother or separation from her in infancy.

The rejection of the child by the children's collective, public reprimands at school, and boycotts also play a role. The only possible option for such children is to withdraw into themselves, which they successfully do. This behavior continues even after growing up. But at the same time, sociophobes are well aware that something is wrong with them. For them, the very situation is painful, in which there is no control over their own behavior, when it is impossible to enter into normal social contacts, to have many friends in various spheres of life.

And here a serious dilemma arises: on the one hand, such a person cannot bring himself to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. On the other hand, it is necessary to be treated, since such a condition can easily develop into serious depression. Or, if a person is accustomed to following the simplest path and removing the feeling of fear with alcohol, alcoholism may develop.

However, this way out is most often chosen by men. Whenever possible, women prefer to work “remotely” or become a housewife.

The cure for fear

Unfortunately, the problem of social phobia is now seriously dealt with in our country only in large cities... Psychologists, psychotherapists, psychiatrists will help to overcome social phobias. Oddly enough, they are treatable, unlike other phobias. Most often, these are beta-blockers, which reduce the symptoms of anxiety, but do not affect the feeling of fear itself. But it is categorically impossible to take this medicine yourself - his list of contraindications is too long.

Antidepressants are also prescribed, which must be taken in long courses, and psychotherapy.

With mild social phobia, you can try to help yourself.

In conversation, try to focus on the other person's face. Decide on his eye color, collar cut, hair style, earrings, whatever. Listen carefully and look into his eyes often. In this case, you will have the opportunity to switch and not worry.

Help others. Scientists from Canada D. Trew and L. Elden conducted a study in which 115 students with pronounced manifestations of social phobia took part. Already at the initial stage, students from the group who were engaged in volunteering began to feel more relaxed about different social situations.

If you think others are laughing at your appearance, make a knight's move: improve your self-esteem. Dress nicely, do your hair.

Both during and before the performance, quietly release tension - slowly squeeze and unclench your fingers and toes. It helps a lot.

Hello! I wanted to speak out, because there is no one else. I am 18 years old. I live in a small provincial town. I'm in college. I seem to live quietly, well fed, dressed, washed, but still something is not right. Every day from school to home, from home to school. And nowhere else. I feel that all my friends have a rich interesting life , they have a story to tell. And as usual, I sit on the sidelines and listen (a little envy, to be honest). Do you think that it is difficult to go for a walk, to the cinema, cafe, to unwind. It’s not that simple. I have a terrible social phobia. I'm even afraid to go to the store. Parents think that this is because of laziness and constantly reprimand me, but I cannot because of fear, everything binds me. When I go out, I think that all people are looking at me with a grin, thinking about how strange and scary I am. Plus, I have a strange bouncing gait that is simply impossible to miss. All these complexes remained with me from school, they mocked me very much: they called me names, scribbled in my notebooks, hid a bag with things and even threw it out the window - this is not a complete list of what they did. Probably the only thing they did not do with me was beat me, although sometimes they gave me a slap on the head "as a joke. Several times I tried to commit suicide (I swallowed pills and tried to open my veins), but I stopped in time, I was afraid for my parents, they are the only bright spot in my life. And so I grew up a downtrodden girl, after the 9th grade I ran to college. There I feel very confident, at home, my classmates treat me well. Everyone thinks that I have a great future with my brains, but how to achieve professional heights if you are a notorious gray mouse. I can’t walk past the company of merry people, my knees immediately give way, suddenly they laugh at me, at my gait, at my stupid face. For some reason, I think that everyone in the city knows what happened to me at school and condemns me. I am also afraid to walk the streets, because I am afraid to meet former classmates. Now I dream of finishing college and going to college in St. Petersburg. For some reason, I feel that it will become psychologically easier for me to live there, people there are more cultured and kinder, even everyday problems do not scare me so much. New life from scratch. But I understand that if here I even go to the store I'm afraid of what will be there. One will have to solve all life issues, to break through alone, parental support, like at home, I will not have. And some of the guys I know from parallel classes who know about my "school life" entered there after the 11th grade. This is also frightening, although most likely I will not even see them. I want to make a lot of friends there, but how if I'm actually crazy? I am afraid to approach strangers, how I will get along with people there. For some reason, some have the impression that I am prim (probably because I also lisp and lisp). I don’t know how to overcome all these complexes, it’s not scary, my parents say that I’m very beautiful, but these are parents, they will never call their own daughter scary.

Social phobia is an intense disorder that people suffer when they fall into social significant situations... They are afraid to take actions that require any decision from them.

The fear of getting into a stupid situation, the fear of condemnation of others and simply that they may become the object of everyone's attention, gives rise to a panic fear in social phobes, which is constantly progressing. Constant worries about a phobia lead to the fact that it becomes an integral part of life, and sometimes it begins to take up all free time, thereby further excluding a person from public life. Therefore, urgent treatment of social phobia sometimes becomes necessary.

Social phobia: symptoms

The main symptom of such a psychological disease is the fear that the people around them will negatively assess the person or relate to him. Most often this leads to a reclusive lifestyle and complete isolation of oneself from society. Even relatives and friends become one of those who are afraid of a social phobia.

If a person with social phobia appears in your environment, the following symptoms may be observed:

• An increased sense of anxiety in standard behavioral situations.
• Fear of being judged by others.
• Fear long before a real, complex or
• Fear that others might notice your fear.
• Rapid heartbeat.
• Rapid breathing and persistent shortness of breath for no apparent reason.
• Trembling limbs.
• Broken voice.
• Feeling nauseous.
• Redness of the skin.
• Excessive sweating.
• Dizziness.

What people with social phobia are afraid of

This disease leads to the fact that people begin to be afraid of the most ordinary things that each of us faces every day. For example, it could be:

• Job interview.
• Date.
• Business meeting with business partners.
• Communication by phone.
• Conversation with a supervisor or teacher (that is, with a more authoritative person).
• Wedding, birthday and other parties.
• Going to a public toilet.
• in front of a large audience.

In addition, the social phobia can get together for weeks just to go to the grocery store. Any places where people congregate terrify him.

Fear of judgment can ultimately lead to deeper phobias. gradually begin to acquire a brighter color and can literally drive a person crazy.

suffering from social phobia

If similar symptoms begin to appear in the behavior of one of your loved ones, you should be patient and act gradually, deciding how to get rid of social anxiety. Such people need, first of all, not to stop being afraid, but to start feeling more confident. To do this, you can artificially create a situation in which you find yourself in an uncomfortable position. Seeing your calm reaction, the social phobia will gradually begin to realize that if you feel uncomfortable, it is completely normal.

How to deal with social anxiety on your own

American psychologists have developed six main ways that can help you overcome this disease on your own. So, social phobia: self-treatment. Where to begin?

Social phobia treatment

Psychotherapy is by far the most effective treatment. Nevertheless, there is no need to wait for a quick result, since the specialist needs to consider all aspects and possible reasons diseases.

On the rare occasion that visits to a psychotherapist do not help, more serious medication for social phobia can be tried. There are many drugs now available to help fight many of the more serious phobias. The problem is that if you stop taking the pills, your symptoms will come back. Therefore, it is important to understand the causes of social anxiety and get rid of it once and for all.

Social phobia test

In order to identify problems with society, it is worth taking a test compiled by psychotherapists. The standard version contains a description of 24 different social situations. After examining each of them, you give her a point from one to four. The higher the final result, the deeper the disease sits and the faster it is necessary to start treating social phobia. It is important to be rational and honest during the test.

Finally

Psychological illnesses are sometimes more far-fetched than real, so before you get rid of social phobia, first determine that you really have it. If you are afraid to go to a party or reply to a rude salesperson in a store, this does not mean that you have any psychological deviations, rather, it is a sign of modesty, rather than serious problems.

Be that as it may, social phobia is a disease that comes from the head, from thoughts and fears, so it can be cured in the same way. It is important to remember that it is normal to be afraid as it is completely natural. human feeling... Everyone is terrified of something: someone is afraid of sharks, someone of spiders, some are afraid of heights or a confined space. Stop focusing on what you fear and focus on what you like or do well. A growing sense of confidence, support from family and close friends will help you get through any challenges.

Anyone has to worry in especially difficult situations related to communication. Increased anxiety when taking an exam, talking to a boss, or interviewing is in most cases a normal response to stress. However, there are people for whom any more or less responsible contact is associated with incredible experiences, fears and negative physical reactions of the body. How to defeat the cowardly hare in yourself and become stronger and more confident?

What is social phobia

The roots of the word are "socio" (society) and "phobos" (fear). Fear of people, communication, manifestation of oneself in the presence of others are unpleasant features of social phobia. As with most psychological deviations, a person is overcome by irrational fears that have no cause. He becomes a hostage of negative emotions in any contact with people. An imperfect existence, due to the inability to solve problems and make the right decisions, drives you into an even greater abyss of nervous disorders that can cause chronic depression.

Scientists often characterize social phobia as a disease of missed opportunities, as attempts to shut down and escape from the outside world can lead to more complex psychological disorders. Try to admit to yourself that you suffer from this disease, it undermines your strength and health. By facing the truth, you will push yourself to fight the disease on your own while it is in your power.

Who is most susceptible to social anxiety

The main reason for the emergence of social phobia is a person's low self-esteem, due to which his self-doubt is so great that any need to prove himself in public leads to a wild adrenaline rush. Both the genetic factor and the wrong parenting can play a role here.

The genes are to blame
You can't argue with genetics, even character traits are inherited, but a person has a lot to change. If you don't want your life to turn into hell, and any trip to the store or to work seemed a feat, take care of your own state of mind. Physiological ailments, inherited, remain them for life, but a person is capable of working on his consciousness as a rational being.

Parents are not chosen
Most psychological disorders, including social phobia, are rooted in early childhood. In fact, it is at an early age that a human personality is formed, even before the acquisition of key knowledge about the nature of the world. Educators define two extremes of wrong, harmful upbringing: overprotection and increased severity.

In the first case, when the child is not allowed to take a step on his own, he turns into a spiritual disabled person, unable to make the simplest decision without support or advice from his elders. Sometimes mothers are engaged in offering food, driving by the handle and caring for their child until the child's adolescence. Once in adult society, such a person looks around, and there is no staff, no railings, no sign. Complete confusion turns into a desire to hide in a corner and not try to get out of there.

Even more dire consequences have been brought up by strict parenting. Some parents believe that if they constantly poke a son or daughter with their imperfection, never praise or say kind words, they will bring up a worthy and strong personality. It was not so, a man who all his life had to prove that he is worthy of his father or mother, that he is capable of being the best, will never become the best. He will simply stop believing in himself, he will look into the eyes of everyone in expectation of encouragement, he will break and torment himself all his life for his own apparent imperfection.

What is noteworthy is that people suffering from social phobia can become great and the first in any field, it is another matter at what cost they are given it.

Like all mental illnesses, social phobia has its own characteristic signs and symptoms that distinguish it from ordinary embarrassment or withdrawal. Introverts feel quite calm, both in society and without it, they just prefer lonely reflections to arguments aloud.

Suspicion of social phobia arises from the following reactions of a person:

• feelings of inferiority;
• fear of speaking in public;
• panic in public places with a large crowd of people;
• fear of strangers;
• shyness reaching the point of absurdity;
• a terrible resentment for any criticism;
• desire to limit the space of existence.

The reasons lie in uncertainty and the constant expectation of praise from others. Only a good-natured attitude towards such people can melt the ice of their doubts and fears. It is worse when any assessment is not perceived adequately. If in any opinion of acquaintances or colleagues the social phobia feels hypocrisy, then the disease has gone far, it will be more difficult to cope with it. The mood of such a person is spoiled by the slightest remark, rude word or inept joke. His existence is "crystal", he suffers from the slightest touch.

It is well known that psychological disorders are terrible for their influence on the physical condition of the human body. You can indicate the following external signs of attacks of fear or panic:

• heart palpitations;
• dyspnea;
• tremor;
• headache;
• fever and redness of the face;
• chills and pallor;
• excessive sweating.

Why social phobia is dangerous

A constant state of fear, anxiety and inferiority can lead to panic attacks in which a person loses control of himself. He may be afraid to leave the house, sit in a crowded transport, fear of society develops into a fear of a closed (claustrophobic) or open (agarophobia) space.

It is necessary to establish an accurate diagnosis as soon as possible in order to undergo proper treatment on time, otherwise, fleeing from problems, a social phobia may resort to using alcohol or drugs. In this case, a person's inability to adapt to reality is further aggravated and labor activity decreases.

The worst outcome can be chronic depression and suicidal tendencies. Do not do without psychiatrists and specialized clinics in such an outcome.

At the stage of realizing his problem, with skillful actions, a person is able to fight this difficult ailment. It is important to understand that thoughts guide our actions and we have the power to control the judgments in our head.

See good in everything
Contrast the usual negativity with its downside, replace your opinions as follows:

• Nobody loves me. - I am worthy of love and complicity.
• I pity others. - People treat me well.
• I am an insignificant person. - It's interesting to spend time with me.
• I look ugly. - I have my own tastes and views on life.

A lot of positive, pronounced not only mentally, but also aloud to yourself, then negative emotions will be driven into the far corner of your consciousness. Gradually you will believe in yourself and feel the charm of life and the harmony of human communication.

Educate yourself as an orator
Remember how at school you were afraid to go to the blackboard and recite a poem. Start small, try talking to your own reflection in the mirror. Imagine that your listener is there and try to convince him of something. Work with facial expressions, fantasize and convey your emotions in the most unpredictable way.

Control fears and exercise determination
You can avoid the fear symptoms such as trembling and dizziness by focusing on deep breathing. Do not think about anything at this moment, control the inhalations and exhalations, count them, then the body will calm down with the help of additional oxygen and return to normal.

Make a list of the most painful behaviors for you in society and gradually try to implement these actions. Let it not be a process of one day or even a week, it is important to overcome every "horror story". It will be very difficult at first, but over time you will enjoy the perfect. Everyone has their own cockroaches in their heads, but attempts can be something like this:

• call an electrician;
• go to a distant store yourself;
• take the floor on the RAM;
• call the customer back to clarify the list of works;
• enroll in a circle or sports section;
• say hello to neighbors.

Over time, you will be throwing parties for friends at home, it is important to believe in yourself.

Love yourself
Protect yourself from hysterical people, angry colleagues and anxious boss, but not hiding in a corner, but creating a strong psychological barrier before unwanted stresses. To do this, learn to ignore the opinion of a person who does not command your respect. It is common for everyone to make mistakes, and you too, there are no ideal people. And those who constantly accuse others of inferiority or inadequacy to the norms they know alone deserve sympathy themselves.

A person who values \u200b\u200bhis life should be a little proud, you should not allow outsiders to oppress you morally. Love yourself and value your health, and let the spiteful critics seek realization elsewhere.

Be easier
There is, perhaps, the simplest and at the same time complex rule for a person free from complexes. It's easy to go through life and take everything as an interesting fairy tale with a happy ending. You have been given being and consciousness for such a short moment, only a few decades long, that it would be very offensive to spend this precious time on mental throwing.

Imagine yourself as a character who seems funny and carefree to you, try to be in your reality, try to feel lightness and freedom from what you breathe and exist.

To lead healthy image life
Human psychology and physiology are closely related. Just as legs can suffer from a bad head, so the psyche can be shattered by leading a disorderly lifestyle. People, especially prone to experiences and anxieties, need to categorically rid themselves of excessive consumption of alcohol, nicotine and caffeine, as substances that stimulate the strengthening of positive and negative emotions.

Medical help
If you still could not cope with the manifestations of social phobia on your own and went to the doctor, remember that effective treatment can be an excellent start on the path to healing your psyche. Sometimes, just a few conversations with a psychologist are enough to find your rightful place in society. In some cases, the attention of a psychotherapist or psychiatrist will be needed.

Medical care includes the use of special drugs, including:

• mild antidepressants;
• blockers;
• serious medications that suppress the psyche.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is considered a productive area, which includes working directly with your anxious thoughts, developing communication skills, and combating isolation and alienation.

Remember, social phobia is not an incurable disease. She is just an unpleasant hindrance that prevents you from being a complete person. Love yourself, be able to admit your own problems, face fear and keep your gaze. You have been given the mind to overcome any adversity.

Video: how to get rid of social anxiety

... I sit and shake. Breathing is constantly choking, throat is constricted. Everything inside me is crying and begs not to go "there". “There” is to society, to people.

I constantly feel terror and the urge to run away. When I appear in a public place, I start to choke. People. There are people around. The main thing is that no one looks, that no one turns to me, that no one touches me. Oh, these terrible people ...

Around - danger

I sense an unsettling sense of danger inside. It constantly seems to me that these are not even people, but some kind of monsters - so scary, so huge, my heart skips a beat - and they are not at all safe. My heart is beating like crazy, I can hardly breathe, I gasp for air.

What to do? Where to go from people? After all, they are everywhere. Even at home it's scary to be ... Here I am sitting in a room, and suddenly my husband comes in. I look at him with frightened eyes and grab a chair. "Do you want to eat?" - asks. “No, I'll be later,” I say. Phew, Lord, I didn’t. Has carried ...

And at work? You also need to constantly interact with them. And I'm so scared. I want to hide under the table so that no one can find me. Anyway, just not communicating with people. Every time someone comes up to me, my legs start to run away by themselves. There is nothing I can do about it, but I avoid contact with people as much as I can.

What is social phobia?

“… I began to show shyness less often… I don’t even know how to explain it - since childhood I didn’t feel any protection and safety from my parents and was engaged in“ survival ”, more precisely, pretending to be a good girl - they will not touch me! Instead of living my life happily, I was just "hiding" to "survive"! After lectures on visual and oral vectors, everything in me fell into place ... and I become myself again, happy, smiling and able to give! ... "

“... Gone are fear of people, shyness, notoriousness. Some kind of force has appeared that does not allow me to deviate from what was planned. It seems that she was sleeping inside me, and now she woke up. I'm allowed to live now. To live as I want, and not as convenient to others. As if the ban was lifted. Now I want and I can ... "

“… Self-esteem has increased. I feel like a full-fledged person, and most importantly, a gorgeous woman, and these are not big words, this is what I feel. I'm happy. The people around you notice this. They are increasingly drawn to me, listening to my opinion ...
... I am happy and boldly look into tomorrow, with joyful excitement. I know that now my life is amazing. I feel myself as a particle-cell of a large kind, conscious organism - our World. After all, we are all cells, and we have nothing to divide! All this is ours! .. "