Improving self-esteem and self-confidence. How to raise self-esteem. An important point! Can't take compliments

How to raise self-esteem and love yourself? How to gain self-confidence and believe in yourself? What self-esteem tips and tricks really work?

Greetings, dear readers! With you Denis Kuderin.

It has long been proven by scientists that self-esteem is one of the most important factors in achieving success in life and a sense of self-confidence.

Low self-esteem leads to poverty, depression and a sense of the meaninglessness of one's own existence.

If you or your friends are faced with this problem, then today I will share with you effective ways to resolve it, which helped me personally.

All the techniques and techniques described in the article are recommended by leading psychologists and simply successful people who apply them in their own lives every day.

Using them in practice, you can not only become more confident, but eventually even increase your income and even start a business.

Let's start, friends!

1. What is self-esteem: definition and its impact on our lives

To achieve success in any area of his activity, a person needs to be self-confident and be able to convince others that he is right.

People with low self-esteem cannot be happy by definition: their entire existence consists of doubts, disappointments and self-reflection. Meanwhile, a bright, eventful life passes by, reaching those who do not doubt their own righteousness and confidently stride towards their goal.

A person with low self-esteem considers himself unworthy of happiness, therefore subconsciously inferior in everything to others. To change the situation in your favor, you need to change yourself - there is no other way.

In this article I will tell you why a person's self-esteem is so important, what reasons affect its decline, and how to increase self-esteem for a man, woman (girl), adolescent by the most effective methods.

Self-esteem- This is an individual's idea of the importance of his personality in relation to other people and an assessment of his own qualities - advantages and disadvantages.

Self-esteem is extremely important for the full functioning of the individual in society and the achievement of various life goals - success, self-realization, family happiness, spiritual and material well-being.

Self-assessment functions

The self-assessment functions are as follows:

Protective- provides stability and relative independence of the individual from the opinions of others;
Regulatory- enables a person to solve problems of personal choice;
Developing- provides an impetus for personal development.

A decisive role in the early formation of self-esteem is played by the assessment of our personality by others - in particular, by parents, peers, friends. Ideally, self-esteem should be based only on the individual's own opinion of himself, but in fact, it is influenced by many different factors.

Self-esteem is a person's attitude to himself: to his capabilities, physical and spiritual qualities. An adequate assessment of one's own capabilities helps to avoid mistakes and at the same time is an incentive for further development.

Psychologists believe that ideal self-esteem is the most accurate assessment of a person's abilities.

Low self-esteem makes a person doubt, reflect and make wrong decisions, and too high leads to the commission of a large number of mistakes.

In most cases, we are dealing with a person's underestimation of his capabilities, which is why a person is not able to fully reveal his potential and does not understand how to increase self-esteem.

A renowned coach in the field of success psychology believes that low self-esteem is the main reason for a person's financial insolvency. After all, if you treat yourself badly, you do not have confidence in your abilities, then you are doomed to be poor, and you will not even have to dream of your own business.

On the contrary, an increase in self-esteem leads to an increase in your income and making more money. So if you have financial problems, be sure to look for the cause in your emotional state.

An inferiority complex is a pathological manifestation of low self-esteem.

It is self-esteem that is the key to achieving success in any area of human activity. Self-confidence leads to the adoption of important and timely decisions, and underestimation of one's strength reduces the level of a person's personal energy, makes him constantly doubt himself and, instead of actions, think about action.

2. Why is it important to love yourself and what will happen if you don't

Increasing self-esteem means loving yourself: accepting yourself as you are with all the flaws and flaws. Everyone has disadvantages: a self-confident person differs from an eternally doubting and insecure person that he sees in himself not only shortcomings, but also advantages, and at the same time knows how to profitably present himself to others.

If you don't love yourself, how can others love you? It is known that consciously and subconsciously people strive for contact and communication with self-confident individuals. It is these individuals that are most often chosen as business partners, friends and husbands (or wives).

When you doubt yourself and reproach every little thing, you automatically program yourself for further failure and make the decision-making process more and more difficult. Learn to praise yourself, forgive yourself and love yourself - you will see how the attitude of others towards you will change.

Signs of low (-) self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem usually exhibits such qualities as:

excessive self-criticism and dissatisfaction with oneself;
increased sensitivity to criticism and opinions of others;
constant indecision and fear of making a mistake;
pathological jealousy;
envy of the success of others;
longing to please;
hostility towards others;
constant defensive position and the need to make excuses in their actions;
pessimism, negative outlook.

An individual with low self-esteem perceives temporary difficulties and failures as permanent and draws the wrong conclusions. The worse we treat ourselves, the more negatively others relate to us: this leads to alienation, depression and other psycho-emotional disorders.

3. High self-esteem and self-confidence is an important factor in achieving success

Before I talk about ways to increase self-esteem, I want to emphasize the importance of self-love for success and well-being. For some reason, it is believed that self-love is a sin, or at least something that should be avoided.

In fact, the lack of love and respect for one's own personality just gives rise to numerous complexes and internal conflicts.

If a person does not have a high opinion of himself, it is unlikely that others will think differently. And vice versa - self-confident people are usually highly appreciated by others: they listen to their opinion, seek to communicate and cooperate with them. Having learned to respect ourselves, we will gain the respect of others, and also learn to adequately relate to the opinions of others about us.

Signs of high (+) self-esteem

People with a healthy, high self-esteem have the following advantages:

take their physical form as it is;
self-confident;
are not afraid to make mistakes and learn from them;
calmly accept criticism and compliments;
know how to communicate, do not feel shy when communicating with strangers;
respect the opinion of others, but also value their own view of things;
take care of their physical and emotional well-being;
develop harmoniously;
succeed in their endeavors.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are as necessary factors for achieving success and happiness as sun and water are for a plant: without them, personal growth is impossible. Low self-esteem deprives a person of perspective and hope for change.

4. Low self-esteem - top 5 reasons

There are a great many factors that directly or indirectly influence our attitude towards ourselves. These are genetic characteristics, and external data, and social status, and marital status. Below we take a look at the 5 most common reasons for low self-esteem.

Reason 1. Improper upbringing in the family

Our attitude to ourselves directly depends on the correct upbringing. If our parents did not encourage us, but, on the contrary, scolded and constantly compared with others, we simply will not have a reason to love ourselves - there will be no ground on which to base our belief in our abilities.

A decrease in self-esteem and a lack of confidence in one's own words and actions is influenced by the criticism of parents of any initiatives, undertakings and actions. Even having matured, a person who was constantly criticized in childhood, subconsciously continues to be afraid of mistakes.

Parents (teachers, coaches) should know how to increase the self-esteem of a child who suffers from doubts and self-doubt.

The best way is praise, unobtrusive encouragement. It is enough to sincerely praise the kid several times for a correctly completed school assignment, a diligently drawn picture, and his self-esteem will inevitably increase.

Psychologists say that the family is the center of the world for the child: it is there that all the future characteristics of the adult personality are laid. Passivity, lethargy, insecurity, and other negative qualities are a direct reflection of parental suggestions and attitudes.

Self-esteem is usually higher in single children and those who were born first. In other children, it is not uncommon to have a "little brother complex" when parents constantly compare the youngest child with the older one.

An ideal family for adequate self-esteem is one in which the mother is always calm in a good mood, and the father is demanding, fair and has indisputable authority.

Reason 2. Frequent failures in childhood

No one is immune from failures, the main thing is our attitude towards them. A severe traumatic event can affect the psyche in the form of a guilt complex and a decrease in self-esteem. For example, some children blame themselves for their parents' divorce or their frequent quarrels: in the future, feelings of guilt are transformed into constant doubts and inability to make decisions.

In childhood, completely harmless events take on cosmic proportions. For example, by taking second, not first, place in a competition, an adult athlete will breathe a sigh and continue training with a vengeance, and a child may receive psychological trauma for life, especially if the parents do not show proper understanding of the situation.

What does low self-esteem eat in childhood? Failures, mistakes, ridicule by peers, careless remarks from adults (parents in the first place). As a result, the teenager forms the opinion that he is bad, unlucky, inferior, and there is a false sense of guilt for his actions.

Reason 3. Lack of clear goals in life

If you have nothing to strive for in life, you do not need to strain and make volitional efforts. Lack of clear goals, laziness, adherence to standard philistine imperatives is easy and does not require the manifestation of personal qualities. Such a person does not plan to become successful and rich, he is inherently passive.

Often people with low self-esteem live on autopilot, half-heartedly. They are satisfied with gray tones, an inconspicuous lifestyle, the absence of bright colors - there is no desire to get out of the swamp. Such people stop paying attention to their own appearance, income, stop dreaming and strive for changes. Naturally, self-esteem in such a situation is not just low, but absent altogether.

Growing up, a person becomes passive, and then transfers all these problems to his family when he gets married (gets married).

Here the conclusion suggests itself: it is also necessary to increase self-esteem for a man and a woman, that is, for an adult, as well as for a child. After all, everything starts from childhood, and then nothing changes if the adult himself does not make efforts for this.

Reason 4. Unhealthy social environment

If you are surrounded by people without specific goals in life, who are in constant spiritual suspended animation, you are unlikely to have a desire for internal transformations.

High self-esteem and ambition appear where there are role models - if all your friends and acquaintances are used to living in the shadows, not showing initiative, then you, most likely, will be completely satisfied with such an existence.

If you notice that in your environment, pathologically everyone is used to complaining about life, gossiping, condemning others and overly philosophizing for no reason, you should think about whether you are on the way with these people?

After all, such people can become energy vampires for you and prevent you from awakening your true potential in yourself.

If you feel that such a tendency is taking place, change this environment, or at least limit communication with it.

It is best to communicate with those people who are already successful, have their own business and know how to make money. We have already written earlier on the topic, we recommend that you familiarize yourself with this article.

Reason 5. Defects in appearance and health

Low self-esteem often occurs in children with physical defects or congenital diseases.

Even if the parents behave correctly in relation to such a child, the social environment can significantly influence him - first of all, the opinion of his peers.

A typical example is overweight children who are kindergarten or at school they give offensive nicknames. Low self-esteem in such cases is practically ensured if appropriate measures are not taken.

In this case, it is worth trying to eliminate the existing shortcomings, and if this is impossible, then you need to start developing other qualities in yourself that will make the person (child) more developed, charismatic and self-confident.

Example
If a child is overweight and has a corresponding unattractive appearance, then with the right approach to the development of his abilities and talents, you can turn this disadvantage into an advantage.
Perhaps he will show the ability for sports (weightlifting or wrestling, or boxing), or vice versa, he will be able to become a sought-after actor with his inherent type.
In general, there are thousands of examples where people with huge physical disabilities have achieved worldwide recognition, created happy families and at the same time live the life that the “healthy” can only dream of.
The most striking example of this is the world famous speaker and preacher. Nick was born no arms and no legs , naturally experienced a huge inferiority complex and even wanted to commit suicide.
But, thanks to the strength of the will and the desire to live, he achieved public recognition and helped thousands of people around the world find themselves and cope with psychological difficulties.
Now Nick is a dollar millionaire and a favorite of thousands of people, because he helped them change their lives. By working on your self-esteem, you can reach unprecedented heights and even repeat the success of Nick Vujicic, despite the fact that right now your condition may not be the best.
And we have already written about how rich people think and what it takes to become a millionaire.
5. How to Boost Self-Esteem and Confidence - 7 Powerful Ways
How to raise self-esteem and love yourself? There are many ways to force yourself to believe in your own strength, but I have chosen seven of the most reliable and effective options.
Method 1. Change of environment and communication with successful people
Since a person is a social being, he is completely dependent on his environment. How to believe in yourself and increase your self-esteem with the help of other people? It's very simple - you need to change your environment.
I already wrote above that communicating with inactive, lethargic and lazy people without ambition and desire for change is a direct way to a decrease in self-esteem and a lack of life motivation.
If you radically change your social circle and begin to contact successful, goal-oriented, self-confident people, you will almost immediately feel how you are changing for the better. Gradually, self-respect, self-love and all those qualities, without which it is impossible to achieve success, will return to you.
Communicating with successful and prosperous people, you will learn to value individuality (including your own), begin to treat your personal time differently, gain a purpose and begin to achieve success on your own.
Method 2. Attendance at events, trainings, seminars
In any city, events, trainings or seminars are held, at which specialists teach everyone to self-confidence and increase self-esteem.
In a few months, experts in applied psychology will be able to transform a timid, indecisive individual into a strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person: the main thing is to have an initial impulse and desire for change.
There are many literate books that talk in detail, with examples and explanations about the need for love and respect for yourself: if you want change, acquaintance with such literature will be very productive.
The books Helen Andelin "The Charm of Femininity" and Louise Hay "Heal Your Life" will be especially relevant for increasing women's self-esteem.
It is also useful to watch video content on this topic - documentary and feature films promoting self-esteem.
Method 3. Leaving the "comfort zone" - performing unusual actions
The desire of a person to escape from problems to the zone of personal comfort is quite understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to console yourself with sweets, alcohol, savoring your own impotence. It is much more difficult to face the challenge and do something that is not ours.
At first, it may seem that outside your comfort zone there is a hostile and inhospitable world, but then you will understand that real life, full of beauty, adventure and positive emotions, is exactly where you have not been.
Being in familiar conditions is like living in an invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave simply because you are used to it. Learning to leave your "comfort zone" and at the same time remain calm, collected and balanced, you will gain a powerful incentive to raise your self-esteem and form your new image.
You can start small - for example, stop sitting in front of the TV after work, and buy a gym membership, go jogging, yoga, meditation.
Set a task - to learn an unfamiliar language in six months or to meet a girl you like tonight. Do not be afraid if the first time you do not succeed in everything - but new sensations and an increase in self-esteem are guaranteed.
Method 4. Refusal of excessive self-criticism
If you stop self-flagellation, blame yourself and “eat” for mistakes, flaws in appearance, failures in your personal life, you will achieve several goals at once:
Release a tremendous amount of energy. You will not lose attention to self-criticism, and there will be time for other, more creative and worthy tasks;
Learn to accept yourself for who you are. You are the one and only person on this planet. So why compare yourself to others? It is better to focus on achieving your own goals according to your potential and your idea of happiness;
Learn to see positive features his personality... Instead of dwelling on the negative, purposefully find in yourself strengths and work to develop them.

In the end, any setbacks, disappointments and mistakes can be turned to your advantage, using it as a life experience.
Method 5. Playing sports and maintaining a healthy lifestyle
In the course of experiments carried out by European scientists, it was found that one of the simplest and effective ways improve self-esteem - go in for sports, exercise, or activities aimed at improving health and well-being.
A healthy body is a repository of a healthy mind and right thoughts, and vice versa: it is difficult for a person who is heavy on their feet, with an untrained body to make decisions and act independently.
Having started to play sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and treat himself more respectfully. At the same time, the increase in self-esteem does not depend on the results of training: even if the changes are insignificant, the process of training itself is important.
The more actively you train, the better you begin to relate to yourself.
Any physical activity (especially for a person working in an office) is an opportunity to gain confidence and love yourself. This phenomenon is quite scientific explanation: during sports, a person intensively produces dopamines - neurotransmitters responsible for reward (bypassing them are sometimes called "hormones of joy").
Biochemical changes have a positive effect on the psyche and increase our self-esteem.
Method 6. Listening to affirmations
Affirmations are one of the most effective ways to reprogram your own mind. In psychology, affirmations are understood as short verbal formulas that, with repeated repetition, create a positive attitude in the subconscious of a person. In the future, this attitude contributes to a change in character traits and personality in the direction of improvement.
Affirmations are always formulated as a fait accompli, which forces a person to take them for granted and think accordingly. If our subconscious mind considers us to be confident, successful and purposeful, then gradually we really become such.
Typical examples of affirmations to increase self-esteem: "I am the master of my life," "I can have everything I want," "I believe in myself, so everything comes to me freely and effortlessly." These linguistic formulas can be repeated independently or listened to in the player: the main thing in this practice is regularity.
Read these phrases into the microphone, recording a track of several minutes from them and listen to them in your free time. This technology is recommended by Western psychologists and has proven to be highly effective.

Method 7. Keeping a diary of successes and achievements
A diary of their own victories and achievements will help to raise self-esteem in adolescents, men and women.
Start such a diary right now and write down everything that you managed to achieve in a day (week, month). The success diary is a powerful stimulating tool that will make you believe in yourself and will increase your own efficiency many times over.
Every day, make a note of any victories you have, even small ones.
All of these "little things" relate to your personal success, be sure to include them in your success diary and read it regularly.
If you write down there only 5 simple things a day, then in a month it will already be 150 of your achievements!
Not so little for one month, agree ?!
In one of our articles, it was written about how keeping a success diary can be the first step towards this.
6. Dependence on public opinion is a factor that destroys personality: we overcome self-doubt
Public opinion can ruin our lives if given too much importance.
Constructive criticism pointing out specific mistakes is useful and helps in development, but completely depending on the opinion of others is a big mistake.
Learn to value your own opinion and your own view of things, then the words of others will cease to be so important to you. If you, performing any actions, think first of all about what people will say, how they will look at you, then you are unlikely to succeed in your endeavors.
Let public opinion depend on you, not you on it. Embody your own will and think less about the consequences.
How to Become More Confident - Practical Exercises
"My own clown." Preparation: You dress ridiculously, for example in curlers, a huge tie, funny clothes. Then go outside, go to shops, generally behave as if this is your everyday look. Naturally, you will feel discomfort in this form. But at the same time, you will have a decrease in the psychological threshold of critical perception of others;
"Orator for Life". Try to speak in public as often as possible. If at work your boss asks someone to prepare a presentation, organize an event, or go on a business trip with an important report, take the initiative and take over these functions. If you have fear public speaking, then the ways to overcome it have already been described in.

Both of these exercises involve getting out of your comfort zone. Our brain begins to think that this behavior is normal for us and these things no longer cause such stress as before. Remember, the best way to get rid of your fear is to do what you fear!
7. How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem - 5 important tips
Here are 5 quick tips for managing your self-esteem:
Stop comparing yourself to others;
Stop scolding and criticizing yourself;
Chat with positive people;
Do what you like;
Take action, don't think about action!

Remember that you are a unique person with great potential and unlimited possibilities. Boosting your self-esteem is one way to unleash your abilities to the fullest.
8. Self-assessment test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today
My self-assessment test consists of a few simple questions to which you only need to answer "YES" or "NO". When you have done this, count the number of positive and negative responses.
You often scold yourself for mistakes (yes / no);
You like to gossip with girlfriends (friends) and discuss mutual acquaintances (yes / no);
You do not have clear goals and you do not plan your life (yes / no);
You are not involved in physical education and sports (yes / no);
You like to worry about trifles (yes / no);
Finding yourself in an unfamiliar company, you prefer to remain "in the shadows" (yes / no);
When meeting the opposite sex, you cannot maintain a conversation (yes / no);
When you are criticized it makes you depressed (yes / no);
You like to criticize people and often envy others' success (yes / no);
It is easy to offend you with a careless word (yes / no).

The key to the self-esteem test:
Answers "Yes" from 1 to 3: congratulations, you have normal self-esteem.
Answers "Yes" - more than 3: you underestimated How to make money for a schoolchild on the Internet - 7 true ways + a story from the life of a simple 14-year-old schoolgirl who earns 10,000 rubles / month. on writing texts

A low level of self-esteem constrains and does not allow to be active. When a person constantly expects ridicule and insults, the problems of overcoming the fear of public speaking and just communication acquire the dimensions of phobias.

Low self-esteem is the cause of social phobias (fear of people, fear of public speaking, fear of success). People with low self-esteem are passive and shy.

They are vulnerable and touchy, they expect ridicule and insults from everywhere. This attitude leads to loneliness and gives rise to a lot of unjustified complexes, forming the image of a loser. If a person has problems with self-esteem, he will not see harmonious relations either in the family, or with a loved one, and even more so in business! there is only one way out - to increase self-esteem.

1. Say good things to yourself.

Perpetual dissatisfaction with oneself does not in any way contribute to the growth of the level of self-esteem. Therefore, the first thing to do is to love yourself and praise yourself more often for your successes, even if they are not too significant. When you wake up, tell yourself that life is getting better day by day, remember how beautiful, smart and capable you are. Stop comparing yourself to others: psychologists say that it is more correct to compare yourself today with yourself yesterday.

“Avoid those who try to undermine your faith in yourself. great person on the contrary, it inspires the feeling that you can become great ”, -.

2. Appreciate yourself

In order to follow this advice, psychologists recommend an excellent exercise. You should take a piece of paper and divide it into two parts. In one part, mark all your positive qualities, in the other - negative ones plus what you would like to change in yourself. The second part of the list should be taken into account, and the first part should be read aloud regularly. They say low self-esteem fades away!

"Hooray! Someone somewhere said that I am better than someone! ”- Marge Simpson.

3. Get exercise

Treat your body with gratitude and love, but at the same time, remember to cultivate yourself. Any physical exercises strongly lift a person up in his own eyes. Jog, sign up for a swim or gym, do morning exercises, or, at worst, get into the habit of walking for a couple of stops. As you know, in a healthy body there is a healthy mind.

“If the TV and the refrigerator were not in different rooms, then some of us would have died from lack of physical activity", - Stephen Patrick Morrissey.

4. Don't make excuses

Try not to apologize for the same offense twice, much less repeatedly. Do not mumble verbose speeches in your defense on business and without business, convincing yourself that “they do this educated people". It is quite enough to apologize once, and even then only if you consider yourself to be guilty. If not, then calmly, confidently explain your act.

“I explain my success by this: I have never in my life made excuses and never listened to excuses,” - Florence Nightingale.

5. Avoid intrusions

Stop communicating with people who unceremoniously invade your life, impose on you their own opinions, their vision of solving problems, and even more so instill in you a sense of guilt. Protect your privacy and build own life according to your scenario. After all, this is your life, no one but you can live it.

“We cannot interfere. For people to believe in us, we must believe in people. ”- Zeus, from the movie“ War of the Gods: Immortals ”.

6. Choose the "right" friends

The influence of the environment on a person is great. Do you remember the saying "whoever you lead with, from that you will gain"? If you are not too confident in yourself, it is unlikely that you will benefit from communicating with a person who is dissatisfied with everything and everyone, constantly grumbles about the imperfection of the world, and even looks for shortcomings from others. It is better to communicate and make friends with positive and self-confident people - this is good for your health! Such people are not inclined to condemn others, they literally "infect" everyone with cheerfulness, love for others and an optimistic mood!

7. Do what you love

Practice shows that most often the level of self-esteem directly depends on whether you are doing what you love or not. So, maybe instead of getting bogged down in work that makes you unhappy and doing it carelessly, you should choose a profession you like? Undoubtedly, in this case, you will have a better chance of achieving good result, and this, in turn, will have the most beneficial effect on your state of mind.

And further. Having decided to do something important, do not put it on the back burner. If you want to start or change something in your life, start right now, "new life from Monday" is inaction. The longer you are going to start, the more insurmountable the possible difficulties will seem.

8. Benefit people

Nothing convinces a person of his need more than helping others. Take part in a charity event, make a bird feeder, help an old lady carry a bag. Practice shows that helping those who need this help, giving a part of ourselves to others, we seem to rise in our own eyes. At the same time, do not shout at all corners about your need and try not to excessively demonstrate your importance. True self-confidence does not need loud external manifestations. The level of self-esteem is an indicator of how you yourself evaluate your own efforts to achieve a goal, and others have nothing to do with it.

9. Live with pleasure

They say that 98% of the population live by the rules, and 2% create them. Agree: living among the latter, creating the rules yourself, is much more convenient! Allow yourself to live with pleasure: go to the hairdresser, update your wardrobe, treat yourself to your favorite dish, finally, just do a general cleaning in the house - all these little things mean a lot to increase self-esteem. Keeping a success diary and regularly writing down all of your accomplishments will help you look at life from a different perspective.

Also, allow yourself to be imperfect. Firstly, all the failures, problems and blows of fate are invaluable experience. Secondly, there are no ideal people, and you, like most, do something worse than others, but something is even better! Forgive yourself for the mistakes and failures, learn the lessons and start over. A winner differs from a chronic loser in his attitude toward failure.

10. Create your future

How would you like to live in five, ten, twenty years? Imagine a picture of your own happy future, think about how you can achieve this, make a plan of action and follow it steadily. In short, define a life goal and stick to it: people in the know say that the best way to predict the future is to create it!

“The future is something that you create with your own hands. If you give up, you give in to fate. Believe in yourself and you can build the future you want. ”- Sailor Mercury.

11. When self-importance is harmful

High self-esteem is not at all the same as healthy self-esteem, psychologists are convinced. Michael Kernis, a professor of psychology at the University of Georgia, found an interesting pattern in his research: the behavior of people with unstable and superficial high self-esteem is practically no different from the behavior of people with low self-esteem.

“Previously it was believed that the higher a person evaluates himself, the better. However, in last years this theory is bursting at all seams, especially when it comes to aggressive behavior, says Professor Kernis. "People with high self-esteem can sometimes become unbearable if someone puts their egos at risk."

The researcher claims that they compensate for their suspiciousness with an obsessive tendency to defend and zealously defend "their honor" on any occasion, which, in general, no one has infringed upon. As a rule, they exaggerate the degree of the potential threat, so they have to put in a lot of effort to maintain their self-esteem.

“There is nothing seditious in the fact that people want to think well of themselves,” sums up the scientist. - But, when it becomes intrusive, a person becomes too sensitive to criticism of others and is forced to constantly prove his worth. This behavior takes away all the psychological benefits. "

12. The main thing is to believe in yourself and just live

“The level of self-esteem affects all spheres of a person’s life,” says psychologist Marina Derkach. A person who underestimates his abilities is unlikely to be successful in business and, most likely, will not be able to build an equal partnership in marriage.

Low self-esteem plays cruel jokes with people: it forces some to sit quietly in a corner all their lives, and others to excessively and deliberately demonstrate their importance. At the same time, it is proven and tested: healthy self-esteem not only helps in business and personal life, but also has a rejuvenating effect on the body!

As you know, we all "come from childhood": if parents tirelessly repeat to a child that he cannot do anything and he never succeeds, it is highly likely that this person will have big problems in the future. Therefore, advice to parents: no matter what happens, criticize the act, not the child. And advice to those who cannot boast of "correct" parents: remember that, as American psychologists say, it is never too late to have a happy childhood! "

And finally, the most important thing: following the above tips for increasing self-esteem, do not overdo it, do not "go out of your way." Just live and believe that you can achieve whatever you want.

The secret of failure lies in self-doubt. Few people are able to appreciate their own strengths and weaknesses, moreover, often the problem comes from childhood. We are taught that we must not be conceited or brag about success, we must be modest. As a result, many men and women grow up with self-doubt and in adulthood do not know how to get rid of the problem and increase self-esteem.

What is self-esteem

It is necessary to understand the terms. Self-esteem - the ability to understand, accept your strengths and weak sides, soberly assess opportunities, successes, abilities, prospects. A person with normal self-esteem does not seek to compare himself with others (and it does not matter in whose favor the comparison is), but accepts himself as a separate formed personality.

However, people tend to be skeptical of their own talents. The complexes that arise due to self-esteem can relate to everything - appearance, intelligence, abilities, career prospects, education, personal life. Depends on what problems the person had in childhood. For example, a boy who is overweight and in adulthood will consider himself fat if he does not understand how to increase self-esteem.

Low

Low self-esteem is a common problem. People suffering from such complexes are not able to perceive themselves as smart, beautiful and successful, they are sure that they will never succeed well. It is common for a person with such a problem to constantly compare himself with others. In addition, self-criticism is a symptom of this self-esteem problem.

High

The opposite problem is overestimated self-esteem: people suffering from it tend to consider themselves smarter and more beautiful than everyone around them, which is why they get into unpleasant situations. They can grab a job that is too tough for them a priori, or compete with obviously stronger opponents. They are unable to see their own shortcomings and cannot work to correct them. Self-esteem and self-confidence are directly related to parenting. Such a problem may arise, for example, in a girl who has been taught that she is the best.

The character changes throughout life, a person can always develop an adequate approach to increasing self-esteem, his problems and successes. For a successful psychological work There are several methods for boosting self-esteem. Much depends on what caused the person to have low self-esteem. Sometimes you can cope with the problem on your own, sometimes for success you need the help of a psychologist.

Woman

Often a woman's self-esteem suffers from problems related to her appearance and success in her personal life. Try to follow simple tips:

Stop comparing your appearance to your girlfriends or models.
Look carefully in the mirror and find at least five enviable features. It can be luxurious thick hair, a beautiful breast shape, a graceful neck or an unusual eye color. Figure out how to emphasize strengths and mask weaknesses.
Live the way you want. Do not seek to have a relationship with a man just for show.
Think about your hobby. Success in any area is the best path to success and how you can increase your self-esteem.
Get used to proudly accepting and agreeing with compliments, rather than denying and blushing. As often as possible, go out to people beautifully dressed - unobtrusive flirting, even with random young people, perfectly increases self-esteem and self-confidence.

Man

Complexes in men are often associated with education and career, and in the absence of visible success, few people know how to raise self-esteem. Try to solve the problem like this:

Speak to the public more often, talk about your successes, get used to being in sight.
Set a worthy goal for yourself - for example, a good position or buying an apartment in the city center. Then you will be able not to look back at those who have achieved modest successes, and not to envy in vain.
Attend workshops, courses, and business trainings. There you can not only improve your skills, but also meet professionals.
Try to limit your interactions with people who make you feel like a failure. Communicate in your circle - incl. material, then self-esteem will not suffer.

Teenager

Low self-esteem in adolescents is the most common problem. At a young age, a person is very vulnerable, and a girl or a guy can acquire complexes because of sheer nonsense. To avoid this, you need to follow simple tips:

Determine exactly what caused the complexes and whether it can be corrected. When it comes to looks, new clothes, hairstyles, or going to the gym or pool to lose weight can help out.
Try to keep the teenager communicating in his peer circle, where there is no one to envy. Often, children, when surrounded by peers from wealthy families, begin to have complexes due to the lack of a fashionable phone, car, or jewelry.
Determine what works best and develop your talent. Those who sing at school concerts, play basketball, or are good at movies can gain credibility in a team of peers.
Try to earn your first pocket money. It's always nice to feel like an adult, not a child who asks her mother for a hundred rubles for lunch. This will boost your self-esteem great.
If the problem is lack of attention of the opposite sex, try to get into another company. The situation will change there.

Child from 4 to 12 years old

Low self-esteem of a child is a difficult problem, when working with which it is necessary to accurately determine the origin. Often the trouble comes from family or school. Try these tricks:

Determine if your child is doing well in school. Sometimes it is better to transfer from a specialized class to a regular one: there he will not be among the laggards, and self-confidence will return.
Find out who the child is friends with. If other kids show off expensive toys or phones that you can't afford, try to get your son or daughter out of the company.
Pick up a circle or section. Success in a hobby is great for self-confidence.
Tell your child more often that you love him. See family photos together, discuss how wonderful your family is.
Remember what successes you have achieved. Certificate of commendation for the past academic year- already great!
If the problem cannot be solved at home, contact a child psychologist: Small child can not always explain clearly what worries him.

Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

If you're unsure of how to boost your self-esteem, try following the cheat sheets that are easy to find today. Movies, literature, special training or even music can explain how to increase self-confidence and become happy person... Better to start with the most simple ways... Sometimes the problem is solved unexpectedly quickly and easily.

Exercises

Self-training: repeat the words about your merits out loud several times.
Write down a list of past successes.
Help people, then you can feel useful and irreplaceable.
Perform in public as often as possible.
Forgive yourself for past bad actions and problems, even if they hurt your self-esteem.

Trainings

Not everyone has the opportunity to attend special trainings or master classes for self-assessment, but you can try to do something yourself:

Train your determination and willpower: quit smoking, go on a diet, exercise, etc. Complete what you started!
Chat with strangers. People with low self-esteem can be shy: get over it by asking questions on the street.
Meditate. The calm person exudes confidence and success.
Ask friends to tell or write what they value you for.
Play it: imagine that you need to describe yourself from the outside to a stranger. Write an essay about yourself in the third person. Think about what needs to be emphasized!

Low self-esteem becomes the cause of nervous tension and stressful situations that lead to the development of various diseases. Self-doubt deprives a person of joy, prevents him from building relationships, achieving his goals and moving up the career ladder. Therefore, it is vital to make every effort to overcome fear and doubts in order to get rid of complexes and gain self-confidence.

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How can a woman gain self-confidence?

There are representatives of the weaker sex who do not differ in special beauty, intelligence and do not behave arrogantly, but they are able to create a special aura around themselves, attracting others to their personality. Their secret is self-confidence and correct assessment of their merits.

In psychology, the following methods are used to help a woman overcome complexes:

Find your favorite business. When a person does what he likes and does well, then he develops and becomes a leader in that area. People around you will surely appreciate it and begin to ask for help, and you can praise yourself for such achievements, giving a high mark.
Remove imposed stereotypes. One should not think that only a person with higher education can be called smart. Or that only girls with ideal parameters are considered beautiful and successful. You need to live by your own rules and not try to squeeze into what society imposes.
... Confident women strive to be real, they do not compare themselves to others and value their individuality. It is important to learn to enjoy your appearance, education, work and teach others to do this. Do not miss the opportunity to pamper yourself with a relaxing beauty treatment, new beautiful clothes or the vacation you have dreamed of all your life. Self-doubt is due to the absence of a loved one in a woman's life, but practice shows that his presence does not solve all her problems if she has not learned to love herself and enjoy life alone.
Consider all your positive qualities. For those looking to boost their self-esteem, psychologists advise keeping a success diary. It will help to achieve stability in personality development, analyze life situations, changes in oneself and form the necessary character traits. In it, you can write down past experiences and major periods in life, successes, victories, awards, starting from school times. You also need to highlight a few pages to list all your positive qualities and all the obstacles that you managed to overcome to develop your strengths. All good things that have happened in the past and those that are happening now should be recorded. If you constantly do these exercises, consciousness will begin to supplant all unpleasant events that have a negative impact on self-esteem.
Treat criticism correctly. The ability to properly listen to criticism, and not take it with hostility, changes a person's attitude towards people and helps to show love and attention to others, regardless of their attitude. To be confident in herself, a woman needs to learn to laugh at her mistakes and shortcomings. Then she will not see her life only in gray colors and constantly take offense at others.
Have the right social circle. Friends who can support, assure her of their love and help the girl to see all her strengths are a valuable gift in life. .

In order for others to appreciate a person and reach out to him, you must first learn to appreciate yourself. If a girl is able to praise herself and sees her achievements, then those around her will do the same. A woman gains self-confidence if she sets achievable goals and tries to achieve them. It is not always easy to deal with all life situations, but it is important to notice the things that work out and to reward yourself for the accomplishments.

How to get rid of complexes

Raising self-esteem for a man

Improving self-esteem begins with the process of self-hypnosis. A man must believe and repeat to himself every day that he is a successful and significant person. Over time, he will accept this truth and gain confidence. You can increase your husband's self-esteem with words of praise and gratitude for everything he does for the family.

In addition, in order to change his attitude towards himself, a man needs:

1. Set goals in life. Representatives of the stronger sex love to act, conquer and achieve. Defining a goal, working on it and achieving it increase men's self-esteem, the level of self-confidence.
2. Do not scold for mistakes. Wrong decisions, unfulfilled work, oversight - this is not a reason to harass yourself, but an opportunity to gain experience, work on mistakes and improve.
3. Develop mentally and physically. Women most often pay attention to smart and athletic handsome men. The interest of the fairer sex in a man has a positive effect on his self-esteem.
4. Analyze your circle of acquaintances. If a person communicates with someone who humiliates him and tries to improve his personal qualities at the expense of another, then he develops low self-esteem. An easy way to avoid this is to stop communicating, and surround yourself with confident optimists who will not pull to the bottom, will be able to notice the good qualities and praise.
5. Do not compare with others. Everyone lives in the way that suits him, has his own priorities and goals in life. You need to have your own business, then the man will have a reason to rejoice, looking only at himself.

The reasons for complexes and self-doubt come from childhood. A person may not be let go of some childhood failures, resentment. If a man realizes the fact that now he is no longer a small loser, but an adult who leads his own life and is able to cope with all problems, then this will have a positive effect on raising his own spirit.

Help for teenagers

Low self-esteem in adolescents is common. Signs of the existence of complexes in a child are isolation, poor performance at school, loss of interest in life, dependence on the opinion of peers, comparison and imitation of others. The reasons for these phenomena can be puberty, interest and desire to please the opposite sex, to be accepted by others and familiarity with the realities of adulthood.

Psychologists' tips for parents to help their child gain self-confidence:

1. Avoid criticism. It leads to the development of low self-esteem and destroys the relationship between children and parents.
2. Do not compare with others. Any comparisons should relate to the child's success or failure with his past achievements or failures. And only for the purpose of praising or finding out a weak point that is worth working on.
3. Do not discuss the teenager with strangers. All spoken words in the presence of a child can lead him into depression, deprive him of joy and self-confidence.
4. Help to achieve success. Parents should encourage the teenager to new activities, knowledge and hobbies, create a favorable atmosphere for development. It doesn't matter what the result of these new activities will be, the main thing is that he sees the support of his family in his endeavors.
5. Respect his opinion. Being in a narrow framework, it will be difficult for a teenager to trust his parents and listen to them, so he should be given the opportunity to choose his friends, rest and hobbies. This does not at all indicate permissiveness, but speaks of respect for the rights of the individual.
6. Help with appearance. It is common for a teenager to complain about his appearance, figure, compare himself with idols, people from the cover of the magazine. The task of parents is to help their child look better - take him to a beauty salon, choose a haircut, buy nice, beautiful things that will emphasize all the advantages. If there are problems with the skin of the face and this worries a teenager very much, then you can consult a specialist and find a way to solve the problem.

The level of self-esteem affects all of a person's actions. Most often, a person's self-esteem is underestimated, that is, a person's real capabilities are higher than a person's ideas about their capabilities. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when a person's capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, the negative environment has a serious impact. Of course, there are cases when a person has an overestimated self-esteem, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people.

And for adults, the opposite situation is characteristic - low self-esteem, which is understandable. Personality is formed in childhood and early youth, when a person's capabilities are, for obvious reasons, seriously limited.

It is quite possible to increase self-esteem, although it is often a rather slow process. However, conscious attempts at building self-esteem can be useful to almost everyone.

How to improve self-esteem and self-confidence? Here are 12 tips to help you do this:

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people who have more of something than you, and there are people who have less of it than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents in front of you that you cannot beat.

2. Stop berating and blaming yourself. You will not be able to develop high levels of self-esteem if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Do you talk about your appearance, your career, relationships, financial situation, or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Self-esteem correction is directly related to your statements about yourself.

3. Accept all compliments and congratulations in return "thanks". When you respond to a compliment with something like, "Nothing special," you reject the compliment and simultaneously send yourself a message that you are not praiseworthy, creating low self-esteem. Therefore, accept praise without belittling yourself.