Cons of low self-esteem. The pros and cons of high self-esteem. Psychology: problems of high self-esteem. Men and women

In my practice, I constantly face the question that clients ask me: "Why do people treat me this way, what is wrong with my self-esteem?" First, let's figure out what self-esteem is in principle. This is an assessment of yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem happens:

underestimated - underestimation of one's own strength;
overestimated - overestimation of one's own strength;
normal - an adequate assessment of oneself, one's own strengths in certain life situations, in setting one's goals and objectives, an adequate perception of the world, in communicating with people.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

Attitude of others as an indicator. As a person relates to himself, so others relate to him. If he does not love himself, does not respect and does not appreciate, then he is faced with the same attitude of people towards himself.
Failure to manage own life... A person believes that he will not cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing depends on him in this life, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his capabilities and powers, he either does nothing at all, or shifts the responsibility for the choice onto others.
A tendency to accuse others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it suits them, they engage in self-flagellation in order to feel sorry for them. And if they want not pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.
Striving to be good, to please, to please, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one's personal desires.
Frequent claims to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others, constantly blame them, thereby removing responsibility for failures from themselves. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that the best defense is an attack.
Focusing on your weaknesses, not your strengths. In particular, Excessive criticism of one's own appearance... A sign of low self-esteem is picky about your appearance, constant dissatisfaction with your figure, eye color, height and body in general.
Permanent nervousness, groundless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from the loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure that has occurred, criticism from the outside, an unsuccessful exam (interview), etc.
Loneliness or vice versa - fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: "You cannot love someone like me."
The development of addictions, addictions as a way of temporary escape from reality.
Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Inability to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence / suppression of one's own desires.
Closure, isolation from people. Feelings of self-pity. Inability to accept compliments. The constant state of the victim. As the saying goes, the victim will always find an executioner.
Heightened sense of guilt. He tries on critical situations for himself, not sharing his guilt and the role of the prevailing circumstances. Any disassembly takes in relation to himself as the culprit of the situation, because this will be the "best" confirmation of his inferiority.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself?

Arrogance. A person puts himself above others: "I am better than them." Constant rivalry as a way to prove it, "protruding" to show one's merits.
Closure as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the thought that others are below him in status, intelligence and other qualities.
Self-confidence and constant proof of this as the "salt" of life. The last word should always remain with him. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, others should dance to his "tune".
Setting overestimated goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, spreads rot on himself.
Inability to admit mistakes, apologize, ask for forgiveness, lose. Fear of evaluation. Painful reaction to criticism.
Fear of making a mistake, seeming weak, defenseless, insecure.
The inability to ask for help as a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, this is more like a demand, an order.
Accentuation only on yourself. He puts his own interests and hobbies first.
The desire to teach the life of others, to "poke" them into the mistakes they have made and to show how it should be by the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity. Arrogance.
The prevalence of the pronoun "I" in speech. Talking more in conversations than happening. Interrupts interlocutors.

For what reasons can self-esteem failures occur?

Childhood Injuries, the causes of which can be any event significant for the child, and there are a huge number of sources.

Oedipus period... Age from 3 to 6-7 years old. On an unconscious level, the child acts out a partnership with his parent of the opposite sex. And the way the parent behaves will affect the child's self-esteem and his building a scenario of relationships with the opposite sex in the future.

Teenage years... Age 13 to 17-18. The teenager is looking for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself, asking the question: "Who am I?"

Defined attitudes towards children from significant adults(lack of affection, love, attention), as a result of which children may begin to feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, unrecognized, etc.

Some patterns of parenting behavior, which subsequently passes to children and becomes already their behavior in life. For example, the parents themselves have low self-esteem, when the same projections are superimposed on the child.

The only child in the family when all attention is focused on him, everything is only for him, when there is an inadequate assessment of his abilities by his parents. From here comes the overestimated self-esteem, when the child cannot adequately assess his strength and abilities. He begins to believe that the whole world is only for him, everyone owes him, there is an accentuation only on himself, the cultivation of egoism.

Low assessment by the parents and family of the child, his abilities and actions. The child is not yet able to evaluate himself and form an opinion about himself according to the assessment of people who are significant to him (parents, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, etc.). As a result, the child builds up low self-esteem.

Constant criticism of the child leads to low self-esteem, low self-esteem and closeness. In the absence of approval of creative endeavors, admiration for them, the child feels unrecognized for his abilities. If this is followed by constant criticism and abuse, then he refuses to create anything, create, and therefore develop.

Excessive demands on the child can foster both high and low self-esteem. Often, parents want to see their child the way they would like to see themselves. They impose their fate on it, building projections of their goals on it, which they did not manage to achieve on their own. But behind this, the parents cease to see the child as a person, starting to see only their own projections, roughly speaking, of themselves, their ideal selves. The child is sure: "For my parents to love me, I must be the way they want me to be." He forgets about himself in the present and can either successfully or unsuccessfully meet parental requirements.

Comparison with other good kids lowers self-esteem. Conversely, the desire to please parents inflates self-esteem in pursuit and competition with others. Then other children are not friends, but rivals, and I must / should be better than others.

Hyper-care, excessive taking of responsibility for the child in making decisions for him, down to who to be friends with, what to wear, when and what to do. As a result, the child ceases to grow I, he does not know what he wants, does not know who he is, does not understand his needs, abilities, desires. Thus, parents cultivate in him a lack of independence and, as a result, low self-esteem (up to the loss of the meaning of life).

The desire to be like a parent, which can be both natural and forced, when the child is constantly told: "Your parents have achieved so much, you must be like them, you have no right to fall face down in the mud." There is a fear of stumbling, making a mistake, not being ideal, as a result of which self-esteem may be underestimated, and initiative may be completely killed.

Above, I have given some of the common reasons why self-esteem problems arise. It should be added that the line between the two "poles" of self-esteem can be quite thin. For example, overestimating oneself can be a compensatory-protective function of underestimating one's strengths and capabilities.

As you may have already figured out, most of the problems in adulthood stem from childhood. The child's behavior, his attitude towards himself and the attitude towards him from the peers and adults around him build certain strategies in life. Childhood behavior carries over into adulthood with all its defense mechanisms.

Ultimately, whole life scenarios of adulthood are built. And this happens so organically and imperceptibly for ourselves that we do not always understand why certain situations happen to us, why people behave with us this way. We feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, we feel that we are not appreciated, we are hurt and hurt by this, we suffer. This all manifests itself in relationships with close and dear people, colleagues and bosses, the opposite sex, society as a whole.

It is logical that both low and overestimated self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot make you truly happy person... Therefore, it is necessary to do something about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it is time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

Make a list of your qualities, strengths, and virtues that you like about yourself or that your loved ones like. If you don't know, ask them about it. In this way, you will begin to see the positive aspects of your personality in yourself, thereby starting to cultivate self-esteem.
Make a list of the things you enjoy. If possible, start performing them for yourself. By doing this, you will cultivate love and concern for yourself.
Make a list of your desires and goals and move in this direction. Exercising will tone up, lift your spirits, and allow you to show quality care for your body, which you are so unhappy with. At the same time, negative emotions are released, which were accumulated and did not have the opportunity to exit. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy left for self-flagellation.
An accomplishment diary can also boost your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.
Make a list of the qualities that you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with the help of various techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty of both on the Internet and offline.
Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, from communication with whom "wings grow". At the same time, minimize to the possible level contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc.

The scheme of work with high self-esteem

First you need to understand that each person is unique in their own way, everyone has the right to their point of view.
Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important to them, they have their own desires and dreams.
When caring for others, do it based on their needs, not on what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, and you think that tea will be healthier. Do not impose your tastes and opinions on him.
Allow yourself to make mistakes and blunders. This provides a real basis for self-improvement and a valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.
Stop arguing with others and proving your case. You may not know yet, but in many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.
Do not get depressed if you have not been able to achieve the desired result. Better analyze the situation in terms of why it happened, what you did wrong, what is the reason for the failure.
Learn adequate self-criticism (yourself, your actions, decisions).
Stop competing with others for any reason. Sometimes it looks extremely silly.
Extend your merits as little as possible, thereby underestimating others. The objective dignity of a person does not need a vivid demonstration - they are seen by actions.

There is one law that helps me a lot in my life and in working with clients:

To be. Make. Have

What does it mean?

"To have" is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result that you want to see in your life.

"Doing" means strategies, tasks, behavior, actions. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.

"To be" is your sense of yourself. Who are you within yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel like.

In my practice, I like to work with the "being of a person", with what is happening inside him. Then "to do" and "to have" will come by themselves, organically forming into the picture that a person wants to see, into that life that satisfies him and allows him to feel happy. It is much more effective to work with the cause, and not with the effect. Eliminating the root of the problem, the thing that creates and attracts such problems, rather than alleviating the current state, allows the situation to really be corrected.

In addition, not always and not everyone is aware of the problem, it can sit deeply in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to return a person to himself, to his unique values and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason, I believe that the optimal way for a person to interact with himself is therapy "being", not "action." This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest path.

You were given two options: "to do" and "to be", and everyone has the right to choose for himself which way to go. Find a way to yourself. Not what society dictates to you, but to yourself - unique, real, integral. How you will do this, I do not know. But I am sure that you will find in what way it will be better in your case. I have found this in personal therapy and have successfully applied it in certain therapeutic techniques for rapid personality change and transformation. Thanks to this, I found myself, my path, my vocation.

Good luck in your endeavors!

Respectfully yours, consultant psychologist
Drazhevskaya Irina

Heightened self-esteem Is an individual's overestimation of his own potential. Such self-esteem can reveal both positive effects and negative effects. Positive influence is expressed in the subject's confidence. Negative influences include increased egoism, a disregard for the point of view or opinion of others, an overestimation of one's own strengths.

Often, inadequately overestimated self-esteem in case of failure and failure can plunge the individual into the abyss of a depressive state. Therefore, no matter what benefit the overestimated self-esteem of a person may bring, it is still better to try to keep it under control.

High self-esteem signs

Overestimated self-esteem of a person is more monotonous in comparison with underestimated self-esteem. First of all, such a person puts himself above others, considers himself a luminary, and all others unworthy of him. However, a person does not always put himself above others, often people themselves exalt him, but he is not able to adequately relate to such an assessment of himself, and pride takes possession of him. Moreover, she can stick to him so strongly that even when the moment of glory is far behind, pride remains with him.

Inadequately high self-esteem and its signs:

a person is always confident in his own righteousness, even with the existence of constructive arguments and arguments in favor of the opposite point of view;

at any conflict situation or in a dispute, the individual is sure that the last phrase should remain with him and he does not care what this phrase will be;

he completely denies the existence of an opposite opinion, even rejects the possibility that everyone is entitled to their own point of view. If he nevertheless agrees with such a statement, he will be sure of the “wrong” point of view of the interlocutor, different from his;

the subject is sure that if something does not work out for him, then in this situation it is not he who is guilty, but the surrounding society or the prevailing circumstances;

he does not know how to ask for forgiveness and apologize;

the individual constantly competes with colleagues and friends, always wanting to be better than others;

he expresses his own point of view or principled positions constantly, even if his opinion is not interesting to anyone, and no one asks to express him;

in any discussion, a person very often uses the pronoun "I";

any criticism directed at him, he perceives as a manifestation of disrespect to his person, and by all means makes it clear that he is absolutely indifferent to the opinion of others about him;

it is important for him to be always perfect and never make mistakes and mistakes;

any failure or failure can knock him out of his working rhythm for a long time, he begins to feel depressed and irritable when he cannot do something or achieve the intended result;

prefers to take only cases in which the achievement of results is associated with difficulties, while, often, without even considering the possible risks;

the individual is afraid to seem weak, defenseless or insecure to others;

always prefers to put his own interests and hobbies first;

the individual is subject to excessive selfishness;

he is inclined to teach the people around life, starting with any little thing, for example, how to fry potatoes correctly, and ending with more global ones, for example, how to make money;

in conversations, he loves to talk more than to listen, so he constantly interrupts;

his tone of conversation is characterized by arrogance, and any requests are more like orders;

he strives to be the first and the best in everything, and if this does not work out, he can fall into.

People with high self-esteem

The characteristic of overestimated self-esteem is that people suffering from such a "disease" have a distorted, towards overestimation, idea of their own person. They, as a rule, somewhere in the depths of their souls, feel loneliness and dissatisfaction with themselves. They often have a rather difficult relationship with the surrounding society, since the desire to see better than they are in reality leads to arrogant, arrogant, defiant behavior. Sometimes their actions and deeds are even aggressive.

Individuals who have inflated self-esteem are very fond of praising themselves, in a conversation they constantly try to emphasize their own merits, but about strangers can afford to make disapproving and disrespectful statements. They assert themselves in this way at the expense of the people around them and strive to prove to the whole universe that they are always right. Such people consider themselves to be the best, and others are much worse than them.

Subjects with overestimated self-esteem react painfully to any, even harmless, criticism. Sometimes they can even perceive it aggressively. The peculiarity of interaction with such people contains a requirement on their part that others constantly recognize their superiority.

Inflated self-esteem of the cause

More often inadequate assessment towards overestimation arises due to improper family upbringing. Often, inadequate self-esteem is formed in a subject who was one child in a family or the first-born (less common). From early childhood, the kid feels like the center of attention and the main person in the house. After all, all the interests of family members are subject to his desires. Parents with affection on their faces perceive his actions. They indulge the child in everything, and he develops a distorted perception of his own "I" and the idea of his special place in the world. It begins to seem to him that the globe revolves around him.

A girl's overestimated self-esteem often depends on the circumstances associated with their forced existence in the harsh male world and the struggle for their personal place in society with chauvinists in pants. After all, everyone strives to point out to a woman where she belongs. In addition, a girl's overestimated self-esteem is often associated with the external attractiveness of her face and body structure.

A man with high self-esteem imagines himself to be the center object of the universe. That is why he is indifferent to the interests of others and will not listen to the judgments of the "gray mass". After all, this is how he sees other people. Male inadequate self-esteem is characterized by unreasonable confidence in his subjective rightness, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. Such men can still be called.

According to statistics, a woman with an overestimated self-esteem is much less common than a man with an overestimated self-esteem.

Inflated and low self-esteem

Self-esteem is an internal representation of the subject about himself, his own potential, his social role and attitudes. It also determines the attitude towards society and the world as a whole. Self-esteem has three facets. So, for example, love for people begins with love for oneself, and may end on the side where love already turns into low self-esteem.

The upper limit of self-assessment is overestimated self-esteem, as a result of which the individual perceives his personality incorrectly. He sees not himself real, but a contrived image. Such an individual incorrectly perceives the surrounding reality and his place in the world, idealizes his external data and internal potential. He considers himself smarter and sane, much more beautiful than those around him and more successful than everyone else.

A subject with inadequate self-esteem always knows and is able to do everything better than others, knows the answers to any questions. High self-esteem and the reasons for it can be different, for example, a person seeks to achieve a lot, to become a successful banker or a famous athlete. Therefore, he goes ahead to achieve his goal, not noticing either friends or relatives. For him, his own individuality becomes a kind of cult, and he considers those around him a gray mass. However, often behind high self-esteem, uncertainty in one's own potential and strengths can be hidden. Sometimes overestimated self-esteem is just a kind of protection from the outside world.

High self-esteem - what to do? To begin with, you should try to recognize the uniqueness of each individual person. Everyone has the right to their own point of view, which may be correct, despite the fact that it does not coincide with yours. Below are a few rules to guide your self-esteem.

Try not only to listen to the speaker during a conversation, but also to hear him. Do not hold the erroneous opinion that others can only talk nonsense. Believe that in many areas they can understand much better than you. After all, a person cannot be an expert in everything. Allow yourself to make mistakes and blunders, because they only help you gain experience.

Do not try to prove anything to someone, each person is beautiful with their individuality. Therefore, do not flaunt your best features all the time. Do not get depressed if you could not achieve the desired result, it is better to analyze the situation in terms of why it happened, what you did wrong, what is the reason for the failure. Understand that if something did not work out for you, then it happened through your fault, and not the fault of the surrounding society or circumstances.

Consider it axiomatic that everyone has flaws and try to accept that you are also not perfect and that you have negative traits. Better to work on and fix the flaws than to close your eyes. And for this, learn adequate self-criticism.

Low self-esteem manifests itself in negative attitude personality to itself. Such individuals tend to belittle their own achievements, dignity and positive features... The reasons for low self-esteem can be different. So, for example, self-esteem can decrease due to negative suggestion of society or self-hypnosis. Also, the reasons for it can come from childhood, as a result of improper parenting, when adults constantly told the baby that he was bad or compared with other babies not in his favor.

Inflated self-esteem in a child

If a child's self-esteem of personality is overestimated and he notices only positive features in himself, then it is unlikely that in the future it will be easy for him to build relationships with other children, find solutions to issues with them and come to a consensus. Such babies are more conflicted than their peers and more often “give up” when they fail to achieve the set results or goals that correspond to their ideas about themselves.

The characteristic of a child's overestimated self-esteem is his overestimation of himself. It often happens that parents or other significant relatives tend to overestimate the achievements of the baby, while tirelessly admiring any of his actions, intelligence, ingenuity. This leads to the emergence of the problem of socialization and intrapersonal conflict, when the child finds himself in the environment of his peers, where he is transformed from the “very-very” into “one of the group”, where it turns out that his skills are not so outstanding, but the same as those of others, or even worse, which is even more difficult for the child. In this case, overestimated self-esteem can become sharply underestimated and cause mental trauma in the baby. The severity of the injury will depend on the age at which the child merged into a foreign environment for him - the older he is, the more he will experience intrapersonal conflict.

In connection with an inadequately high self-esteem, a child develops a wrong perception of himself, an idealized image of his “I”, his own potential and value for the surrounding society. Such a child emotionally rejects anything that might disturb his self-image. As a result, the perception of reality is distorted, and the attitude towards it is transformed into inadequate, perceived only at the level of emotions. Children with high self-esteem are characterized by communication difficulties.

The child has high self-esteem - what to do? A huge role in the formation of children's self-esteem is played by the interested attitude of parents, their approval and praise, encouragement and support. All this stimulates the child's activity, his cognitive processes, and forms the child's morality. However, praise also needs to be correct. There are some general rules of thumb when not to compliment your child. If the baby has not achieved something with the help of his own labor - physical, mental or mental, then there is no need to praise him. Also, the beauty of the child is not subject to approval. After all, it was not he himself who achieved this, nature rewards children with spiritual or external beauty. It is by no means advisable to praise his toys, clothes or accidental finds. Feeling pity or wanting to be liked is also not a good reason for praise. Remember, excessive praise can backfire.

Constant approval of everything that the child does or does not do, leads to the formation of inadequate self-esteem in him, which subsequently will negatively affect the process of his socialization and interpersonal interaction.

For a comfortable existence in our difficult world and for a favorable interaction with the surrounding society, it is very important to feel an inner positive tone and be self-confident. Adequate conceit, knowledge of who we are and what we are worth - those things that many people today lack, and according to statistics, psychological courses to improve self-esteem are among the most popular.

The word "self-esteem" means that opinion, those beliefs that a person has about himself - what type of personality he considers himself to, what he is capable of, what are the positive and negative sides and how all this might affect the future.

And yet, why is it so important to have high self-esteem?

Firstly, this will only make life easier and brighter. When a person is confident in himself, likes himself, all other things around become easier. At the same time, you stop exaggerating the problems, making an elephant out of a fly. A self-confident person will not unnecessarily oppress and reproach himself for simple mistakes or not reaching ideal standards.

Secondly, self-confidence will contribute to the strengthening of internal stability. When you love yourself more, there is no need to ardently and impatiently fight for the approval and attention of outsiders. Inner world and personal life becomes less dependent on what other people have to say or think.

Thirdly, internal self-struggle decreases. Many people are their own worst enemies. However, by increasing and maintaining your self-esteem at the set level, you begin to feel much more worthy of the best in life and, therefore, with much more motivation you strive to achieve this. And when you get what you want, you become less prone to self-reproach and self-destruction.

Fourth, you become more disposed and attractive in any relationship with others. With good self-esteem and the benefits listed above, you can cope with difficult times more resiliently. It is much easier to be in such situations with a self-confident person, which makes the latter very attractive in any relationship - both friendly, and work, and family.

And fifthly, a person becomes happier, which is the result of achieving all of the above.

The benefits are clear and obvious.

What are the main steps you need to take to increase your self-esteem?

Stop excessive and constant internal self-criticism. One of the ways to achieve this is to learn how to stop her with prohibitive words like "Enough, this is not informative and will not correct the matter!", "Stop, there is no point in thinking about this!" etc.

Use the healthiest and most effective ways of motivation, namely: remind yourself more often about the benefits of the expected results from completing the task and more often focus on doing what you really like.

Allocate two-minute breaks every day to comprehend those things and actions that are worth appreciating in yourself.

Do the right things, which I am absolutely sure of. For example, stop putting off going to the gym "until tomorrow" and go there right now.

Handle errors and failures in the most positive way.

Be kinder to other people.

Try something new.

Stop comparing yourself and what you have with the lives of other people.

Spend time with positive, supportive people rather than depressed and "destructive" people.

And, finally, one must always remember about the advantages that a correct self-esteem gives in life. It is necessary to clearly understand what kind of things in life help to feel better and more comfortable. To be able to be proud of your achievements and not let the mistakes you make override all positive expectations.

Self-esteem is an assessment of the value that, from the point of view of an individual, he represents as a person. She is credited with performing three functions: protection, regulation and development.

Types of self-esteem

Self-esteem is a person's assessment of their actions, judgments and thought forms. The division into types of self-esteem is known. So it can be adequate, underestimated and overestimated. From what type the self-esteem of this or that personality can be attributed directly depends on its behavior in the human community.

There is a common misconception that they are productive. However, this is not quite true. Any deviation from an adequate perception of oneself, one's abilities and one's position entails numerous problems in the psychological state, relationships with people and personal development.

Low self-esteem entails indecision and constraint in their actions. It makes a person insecure, timid and prone to influence from other people. Often similar people afraid to express their point of view and feel guilty. They often become envious and vindictive, looking for any opportunities for self-affirmation. Low self-esteem is often formed in early age... However, there are times when it occurs in adults as well.

Inflated self-esteem introduces a person into a state of illusion regarding their real capabilities and their potential. Too high an assessment of one's own qualities often enters into dissonance with respect to the real achievements of a person and, accordingly, the opinion of the surrounding community. This can lead to conflicts. an individual who is prone to high self-esteem will feel that he is underestimated. They are confident that they are superior to other people and constantly strive to prove it. This approach often leads to the fact that the people around them begin to avoid their society.

Self-esteem and self-confidence

There are two main factors that affect a person's ability to become successful, these are adequate self-esteem and self-confidence. They are directly related to each other. If a person has problems in adequately assessing his own capabilities, he will not be able to acquire constructive confidence in his abilities. Such a person needs to analyze his actions and develop the ability to assess his qualities adequately, without exaggerating or underestimating their importance. The process of such a metamorphosis can take many years.

There are several features that are characteristic of self-confident people:

Expression of their needs on their own behalf, without hiding behind some formation ("I need" or "I want" instead of "for people like me");
A positive assessment of your capabilities and the achievement of goals that are achievable, but not simple;
Recognition of your own achievements and your own failures;
Ability to express thoughts and accept constructive criticism.
Perception of the achievement of the set tasks as a factor of success, and, at the same time, in case of impossibility of fulfilling the set goals, an adequate assessment of the result and the search for more realistic tasks;
Completing tasks as they become available, without forcing or postponing.

With adequate self-esteem, a person becomes a self-confident person. For its formation, you need to make a lot of efforts in practice and make a certain impact, assessing the actions taken in the future.

Self-esteem diagnostics

To determine the level of adequacy in assessing one's personality, potential and achievement, it is necessary to turn to such a factor as self-esteem diagnostics.

There are a huge variety of different techniques to accomplish this:

Dembo-Rubinstein technique. It makes it possible to assess the three main parameters that determine self-esteem: height, realism and stability. The main thing in this technique is to pay attention to those comments that a person gives about his being at one level or another in these scales. To assess an individual, talking to him is key.
Budassi's technique. Based on the correlation of the qualities of the ideal "I" and the real. This method relies on self-assessment of the individual. A person himself finds points of contact between his real characteristics and ideal ones. Or comparing yourself to other people.
Cattell test. At the moment, it is a very popular method for assessing personality and its key features. This questionnaire serves to determine 16 personality factors. One of them is self-esteem. The optimal result is averages that show adequate self-esteem.
Method V. Shur. It can also be called a "ladder". Both group and individual versions are carried out. Most often used on children. It lies in the fact that in front of a person, or a group of people, a staircase of seven steps is depicted. On the first are "good" people, and on the seventh "bad". And the personality must determine its own location.
Timothy Leary's test. Contains a list of 128 judgments, divided into 8 types of relationships with 16 points each. They are ordered in ascending order depending on the degree of intensity. A feature of this method is that the judgments are not grouped in a row, but in 4 types and are repeated at regular intervals.

There are many other techniques as well. It is not possible to list everything in the format of one article.

Developing self-esteem

The development of self-esteem occurs constantly, throughout life. However, the most important stage is early childhood. Therefore, parents, as well as educators and teachers in kindergartens and primary schools... It is at this stage that the foundation of ideas about the world and one's position in it is laid.

The child first of all imitates those adults who surround him. And also seeks their approval. Thus, having no experience of opposing authoritative opinion, the self-esteem that is given to the child by the parents is accepted by him unquestioningly.

In preschool age, a stereotype of human behavior is formed. It is laid by the parents along with the socialization of the individual. The child is taught to be courteous, sociable, modest. Templates are often passed in the same way public behavior that can over time become an obstacle to achieving personal goals.

When surrounded by other children, the child begins to compare himself more with his peers, and not with his parents. Although the key role is still played by adults. In particular, teachers. Here, academic performance and compliance with the norms of behavior in the school environment come to the fore. At this age, basic behavior labels are inculcated.

Often this happens not quite adequately to the real picture, or even completely inadequate. the restless will be called a bully. If he can't handle curriculum- then he will be called lazy. Such judgments are also taken on faith, being authoritative.

Approaching adult life, a teenager takes into account the opinion of his elders less and less, taking the assessment of his peers for authority now, since at this age a person strives to occupy his own niche in the social hierarchy. Initially, a person develops a critical attitude towards other people and only then towards himself and his actions. This often leads to the fact that the child may act unreasonably cruel towards the people around him. An important criterion for a person is belonging to a particular social group. If an individual does not feel accepted into one or another company, he will look for another, where he will take his rightful place. Often this factor plays a role in the fact that the child joins the "bad" company.

After leaving school, having passed the transitional age, a person enters adulthood, already possessing the same set of attitudes that have been rooted in him since early childhood. They can be either "with a plus sign" or "with a minus sign". A positive attitude promotes resilience in self-esteem and resilience in dealing with failure, which will feel more like regrouping.

Adequate self-esteem

In the human community, there are many really talented and gifted people who could not reach the desired heights only because of their low self-esteem. Adequate self-esteem is the foundation upon which a strong dynamic of success can be built. It can be assessed either in practice in achieving the set goals or with the help of the conclusions of specialists in this field.

Adequate self-esteem is expressed in a realistic view of yourself and your own achievements. It allows a person to critically assess their capabilities, set goals that are possible to realize, and achieve them. There are many factors that influence its development. Among them are both the structure of one's own perception of oneself and the surrounding reality, and the influence of the judgment of the people around.

An adequate assessment of one's personality brings a person a state of harmony and self-confidence and self-confidence. She helps not only to compensate for her negative qualities, but also to give a worthy realization to her talents.

A high self-evaluation

There is an opinion, often erroneous, that high self-esteem contributes to successful implementation in the human community. From the point of view of psychologists, this statement is very far from the truth. In fact, overestimated self-esteem is just as dangerous as underestimated, because it forms an inadequate idea of oneself and the people around him. It contributes to the fact that a person perceives constructive criticism with hostility.

Such people often find an attempt to hurt them in any case. They react aggressively to any attempt to correct them or point out a flaw. In contrast to people with overestimated self-esteem, people with adequate self-esteem are able to perceive criticism of the people around them and are aware of their flaws and defects. They do not feel threatened by the opinions of the people around them, and therefore they are not in constant tension expecting "aggression" from other people in their direction.

There are two signs of high self-esteem:

Too high judgment of yourself, your personality and your abilities
High level of narcissism

While moderately high self-esteem is not bad in itself, it does have one dangerous property. If such an assessment is not supported by real achievements, a person can acquire the opposite, low self-esteem.

Raising self-esteem

More than 80 percent of people have low self-esteem. They are not able to adequately assess their abilities and qualities, being in captivity of constant self-criticism.

He can solve the problem of his own implementation and achievement of both success in communication in his environment, and the achievement of certain career heights.

So what do you need to do to improve your self-esteem?

First of all, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. Always, in all cases, you can find a person more or less successful than you. You just need to be aware that your personal qualities are unique. You need to find your own merits and positive traits.

If you have received a compliment, please accept it with gratitude. Don't give up on it. Finally, change your environment. Since people are constructive and thinking positively, they will be able to adequately perceive your qualities and will help increase your self-esteem. There should be more such people in your communication than others.

What is self-esteem

Self-esteem of a person is a set of opinions (assessments) about oneself, about one's own pros and cons, about disadvantages and advantages.

The main thing in self-esteem is your own opinion about yourself. This opinion can change, depending on life circumstances. Self-esteem is based on the personal value system.

It is important to have a balanced, balanced view of yourself, to develop your strengths and correct weaknesses.

Healthy self-esteem provides a person with comfort in life and balanced optimism, affecting all aspects of life.

There are actually few people with low self-esteem, but there are many people who have a habit of living in a "victim position", and this is "defense against claims."

When low self-esteem becomes a habit, then a person has a reason not to work on himself.

Objective self-esteem gives harmony, peace of mind, the ability to love and be loved, joy from every day of life.

How self-esteem is formed

Self-esteem is formed on the basis of assessments of others, self-assessment of the results of one's own activities, as well as on the basis of the ratio of real and ideal ideas about oneself.

We absorb opinions about us from the world around us. Based on this, we draw conclusions about ourselves and develop self-esteem.

You shouldn't be guided by public opinion. This is not a lighthouse, but wandering lights. (C)

We remember childhood.

We have an underestimated opinion of ourselves if our parents did not assess our successes and failures adequately.

We have an inflated opinion of ourselves if our parents never scolded us and did not restrict us in anything. When it suddenly turns out that we are not perfect, we experience emotional stress. Self-esteem suffers, but remains the same. Everyone around us is to blame for our troubles, but not ourselves. Of course, everyone around US should, the claims to the world in this case are endless.

Parental indifference is more common in well-to-do families than in low-income families. The sincere interest of parents and participation in the life of children is the key to an adequate self-esteem of the child.

Heightened self-esteem

We feel superior to others, we are confident in our exclusiveness, we deserve more, and only the envy of those around us darkens our ideal of ourselves ... This is an overestimated self-esteem.

The victim syndrome does not always show low self-esteem; often it is precisely high self-esteem. High self-esteem, coupled with a tendency toward victimization, creates the illusion of low self-esteem.

For example, " handsome men They are not interested in me, and I do not like the ugly. "And what objective grounds do we have to claim the attention of handsome men?

With high self-esteem, we strive to be the first in everything and are acutely experiencing failure. This is the "excellent student's syndrome".

Low self-esteem

We consider ourselves to be losers, fixate on problems and grievances, any assessment (even positive) from the outside is perceived as negative. This is the path to depression.

Self-humiliation is asking, not achieving goals, waiting for recognition, not achieving it.

"Excellent student syndrome" is when I have to be the best always and in everything, it is a constant comparison of myself with others, instead of understanding my individuality.

Do not compare yourself with the people around you, they are different, compare yourself with yourself in the past, present and future.

Fighting with yourself is also an interesting moment.

Shame arises when we divide ourselves into "bad" and "good", right and wrong. And these concepts are subjective. A holistic person has both pluses and minuses, adequately accepting their presence.

With low self-esteem, people do not get down to business (scary, suddenly there will be a "failure") and compare their successes with those who have no success at all, this is a favorable background for comparison.

What to do?

Humility and humiliation are related concepts, but not identical. Humility is a high spiritual quality, humiliation is a low earthly one. A person is humbled by reason, and humiliated by dignity.

The best way to get rid of self-deprecation is to increase your self-esteem. It is because of low self-esteem that we are painfully dependent on the opinions of others, and we adapt to them.

So advice.

There is an idea - we start to implement it right away, or we plan for a short time, but carefully. The longer we get together, the more the low self-esteem tells us - "we still won't cope, everything is lost." Learn to make risky and bold decisions for which you can respect yourself. Without self-esteem, adequate self-esteem is impossible. The feeling of inner strength evens out self-esteem.

Do not understand someone else's statement - we ask questions, clarify. What exactly did our interlocutor mean? If the interlocutor has a habit of humiliating us, we change the interlocutor. If a person is not able to assess us objectively, such a person is not needed in life. Learn to distance yourself from negative people.

You need to be better than yesterday. And not better than others. (S)

Don't compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself today with yourself in the past, what path you have passed, with what results. It is inadequate to compare oak and spruce, they are different, although both are trees. There will always be someone better, more beautiful, smarter and more successful than us.

Are we being accused? Don't make excuses right away. We calmly explain the motivation for our actions.

Have we made mistakes? So we did something after all. Nobody is perfect. Analyzed, made conclusions, the past is in the trash. Negative experience is also needed. We step over fears and go into the future without them.

We throw out suspiciousness. There are no "evil empires" and "universal conspiracies".

We take a sheet of paper, divide it in half, and adequately assess our pros and cons. We develop and strengthen the pluses, correct the minuses. We evaluate abilities objectively, then failures will be less likely to be comprehended.

We leave all unnecessary sacrifices - unloved work, hateful relationships, and so on. We are looking for ways to do what we want, to show our abilities, for the benefit of ourselves and the world.

Objectivity of Tarot Assessment

Objectivity of assessment is needed everywhere and in everything. This is the key to an adequate perception of the world and information.

Each lasso of the Tarot (like everything in this world) has its own pros and cons.

Reading a straight card as a plus-position, and an inverted one as a minus-position is bias, one-sided assessment and presentation of information. Though straight, even turned upside down, even sideways, but the lasso has both pluses and minuses, the second side of the "medal" does not disappear anywhere, no matter how you put it. And the tarot reader biasedly looks at the "medal" from only one side, ignoring the other. The completeness of the meaning of the lasso in this case is reduced to the sugary "good", or to the sad "bad", the balance of pluses and minuses is lost. This leads to deliberate distortion of information.

If you want to find out which factors work in a positive direction, and which in a negative direction, then you just need a structure, and that's it. No one-sided interpretations.

High self-esteem signs

Inadequately high self-esteem and its signs:

a person is always confident in his own righteousness, even with the existence of constructive arguments and arguments in favor of the opposite point of view;

in any conflict situation or in a dispute, the individual is sure that the last phrase should remain with him and he does not care what this phrase will be;

he completely denies the existence of an opposite opinion, even rejects the possibility that everyone is entitled to their own point of view. If he nevertheless agrees with such a statement, he will be sure of the “wrong” point of view of the interlocutor, different from his;

the subject is sure that if something does not work out for him, then in this situation it is not he who is guilty, but the surrounding society or the prevailing circumstances;

he does not know how to ask for forgiveness and apologize;

the individual constantly competes with colleagues and friends, always wanting to be better than others;

he expresses his own point of view or principled positions constantly, even if his opinion is not interesting to anyone, and no one asks to express him;

in any discussion, a person very often uses the pronoun "I";

any criticism directed at him, he perceives as a manifestation of disrespect to his person, and by all means makes it clear that he is absolutely indifferent to the opinion of others about him;

it is important for him to be always perfect and never make mistakes and mistakes;

any failure or failure can knock him out of his working rhythm for a long time, he begins to feel depressed and irritable when he cannot do something or achieve the intended result;

prefers to take only cases in which the achievement of results is associated with difficulties, while, often, without even considering the possible risks;

the individual is afraid to seem weak, defenseless or insecure to others;

always prefers to put his own interests and hobbies first;

the individual is subject to excessive selfishness;

he is inclined to teach the people around life, starting with any little thing, for example, how to fry potatoes correctly, and ending with more global ones, for example, how to make money;

in conversations, he loves to talk more than to listen, so he constantly interrupts;

his tone of conversation is characterized by arrogance, and any requests are more like orders;

he strives to be the first and the best in everything, and if this does not work out, he can fall into.

People with high self-esteem

Individuals with high self-esteem are very fond of praising themselves, in a conversation they constantly try to emphasize their own merits, and they can allow themselves disapproving and disrespectful statements about strangers. They assert themselves in this way at the expense of the people around them and strive to prove to the whole universe that they are always right. Such people consider themselves to be the best, and others are much worse than them.

Inflated self-esteem of the cause

According to statistics, a woman with an overestimated self-esteem is much less common than a man with an overestimated self-esteem.

Inflated and low self-esteem

Self-esteem is an internal representation of the subject about himself, his own potential, his social role and life positions. It also determines the attitude towards society and the world as a whole. Self-esteem has three facets. So, for example, love for people begins with love for oneself, and may end on the side where love already turns into low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem is manifested in the negative attitude of the individual towards himself. Such individuals tend to belittle their own achievements, dignity and positive traits. The reasons for low self-esteem can be different. So, for example, self-esteem can decrease due to negative suggestion of society or self-hypnosis. Also, the reasons for it can come from childhood, as a result of improper parenting, when adults constantly told the baby that he was bad or compared with other babies not in his favor.

Inflated self-esteem in a child

Overestimated self-esteem of a person (in psychology) is a person's problem associated with an adequate assessment of himself. There is no single answer to the question of whether high self-esteem is good or bad. This phenomenon has both positive and negative sides. A positive characteristic is self-confidence. Bad characteristics: an increased level of selfishness, an overestimation of one's own strengths and capabilities.

Signs of high self-esteem

Signs of high self-esteem are manifested in human behavior. The psychology of how a person evaluates himself directly affects relationships with people around him. If overconfidence prevails, communication problems arise. The worst of them is when a person is left completely alone.

Inflated self-esteem has signs:

The person is convinced that he is always right. At the same time, significant arguments can be made in favor of an alternative opinion, but this does not affect the individual in any way.
The certainty of existence is the only one right point vision - personal. The person denies the existence of the opposite opinion as such. If, due to some circumstances, he still needs to accept someone else's point of view, he will still consider it incorrect.
Another characteristic of high self-esteem is to have the final say. A person is sure that only he can draw conclusions, determine the further course of events.
One of the signs of a self-confident person is the inability to apologize, ask for forgiveness.
With high self-esteem, a person blames others for his troubles. If something doesn't work out, then other people are to blame. If a person reaches some heights, then this is only his merit.
An individual is inherent in the opinion that the title "best" can only be worn by him and no one else.
A great desire to be the first in everything, not to make mistakes.
Having high self-esteem, a person expresses his point of view even when not asked for it. He believes that others are always interested in his opinion on any issue.
In speech, a personal pronoun is often used.
With any setbacks, blunders, there is a feeling of irritability, confusion. A person easily goes astray.
Improving self-esteem is characterized by a dismissive attitude towards other people's criticism. A different opinion is perceived as disrespect, so you should not pay attention to it.
Failure to take risks soberly. A self-confident person often takes on difficult cases that are fraught with certain dangers.
Fear of looking insecure, weak, helpless.
High level of selfishness.
Personal interests and needs always come first.
The person often interrupts the interlocutor, as he is used to talking more than listening.
With signs of self-confidence, the individual is inclined to lecture others, even in small things.
Arrogant tone.

Reasons for the appearance of high self-esteem

Most often, high self-esteem is formed at the time of primary socialization. Overestimation of self-opinion occurs in the process of parenting, education in preschool educational institutions, school. A person with high self-esteem in more mature age is no longer able to break the established directions of communication with others.

The reasons for high self-esteem lie in the following:

Parental narcissism. The problem begins to emerge during the period of raising children. The child does not receive adequate satisfaction of emotional needs, because parents perceive him and treat him as a way of self-affirmation. Overestimated self-esteem compensates for the lack of these positive experiences.
The reason for the overestimation of self-esteem can be the fact that the individual is the first or only child in the family. This problem is especially manifested in families that could not have a child for a long time.
Childhood spoiling can be a problem. This happens in cases when the parents have built the wrong relationship "child-adult": they paid excessive attention to him, put his interests first, did not restrict the baby in anything, satisfied all the whims on demand, no matter what.
Appearance. In some cases, it is common for a person to consider himself better than others because of his own attractiveness. A bright appearance is perceived by a person as a kind of advantage over others. More often than not, this demeanor is inherent in women than men.
Inflated self-esteem can be formed by teachers, teachers. Some teachers distinguish students on the basis of personal sympathies, high material, social status of the student's parents.
Lack of tests of one's own abilities. For example, a child may be able to cope well with the workload in a regular school, but studying in a more prestigious institution would require more effort from him. If an individual does not meet serious challenges on his way, he may begin to ascribe to himself the presence of outstanding abilities.
The presence of a rare natural talent. Such people are often said to be unique, so a person develops a high opinion of himself.
Financial security. When an individual does not need anything, his self-esteem becomes excessively overestimated.

Individuals who have increased self-confidence often come into conflict with people whose level of self-esteem is much lower than theirs.

The reason for the high level of self-importance in each case can be determined using psychodiagnostic methods.

High self-esteem in children and adolescents

High self-esteem is formed under the influence of certain factors. Sometimes parents overdo it in an effort to praise the child, because of this, children develop an incorrect perception of themselves in relation to others.

A high level of self-esteem in children and adolescents is due to:

Narcissism. Many parents believe that there is nothing wrong with praising teenagers all the time. However, when parents too often focus on the child's appearance, talents, the latter has a clear idea that he is unique and has an advantage over others. Thus, adolescents become narcissistic "narcissists."
No punishment. If parents encourage their child for even the slightest success, not paying attention to the misconduct, the teenager's level of self-esteem increases. In case of failures, mistakes, the child looks for the reason on the side, but not in himself.

To form a healthy self-esteem in a child, it is recommended:

Make teenagers feel safe.
Make it clear to the child that he is loved, accepted in the family, school, etc. Without this identification, a teenager may experience a feeling of loneliness and rejection.
For a good, full-fledged development, a child must have goals. So he will be able to direct energy, thoughts in the right direction.
To give the child the opportunity to cope with difficulties on his own. Thus, people develop competence, a sense of their own strength.
Letting you become responsible. Being a teenager is not easy. At this age, it is important to make it clear to the child that each step leads to certain consequences. So he will learn to make decisions more consciously and in case of failure he will not look for reasons in others, but will take all responsibility on himself.
Let your teen be helpful. When a child contributes to a particular activity, he develops the idea that his opinion is also taken into account and matters.
Teach your child to be disciplined. If parents give real assessments, recommendations for action and opportunities to test themselves in a given situation, the child will begin to think, reason, find solutions to problems, ponder the consequences of actions that he can commit. This kind of introspection is essential for further growth.
Encourage real merit, achievement.
Give the child the right idea of failure. It is important to explain that mistakes are not a reason to despair, but an incentive to improve yourself, your skills.

High self-esteem in men

Overestimated self-esteem in men is common and is a problem both for the personality itself and for others. Such a person is used to exaggerating his dignity.

High self-esteem is determined by the following criteria:

High sense of self-worth.
A man does not pay attention to criticism at all, even if reasoned. It does not occur to a man that he may not understand something. He is fully confident that he knows everything better than anyone else.
A person can afford to scoff at those who, in his opinion, do not deserve respect.
The need for constant admiration for your person. If this does not happen, the man becomes discouraged.
Striving to be the best everywhere and in everything.
Confidence in their own uniqueness and originality.
A high level of self-esteem prevents you from feeling what compassion is. If all this has already been done, then such a feeling is of a short-term nature.
The conviction that everyone around him envies him.
Demonstrating fictional accomplishments to boost self-esteem.
Arrogant behavior, vanity, pronounced selfishness.
Mercantile interests. Inflated material needs, desires.
Irritability, anger, if someone turns out to be better than him.
Masking your negative traits, sides.
Commanding tone of communication. Such people often tell others how and what to do.
Inability to perceive refusals, failures. If the situation takes an unpleasant and unexpected turn, the man does not know what to do. He becomes confused and depressed.
Excessive resentment. A man is easily offended if he does not receive due admiration for his "merits."
A tendency to abuse, scandals. Such men love to take revenge if someone crossed their path.
Excessive narcissism. Overconfident men believe that they are the most attractive, and this gives them the right to dismiss the people around them.
The need for complete control. Such men have a great need for power. They like to feel independent. This is how they manifest their masculine essence. Otherwise, they feel wounded, inferior.
Idealization of yourself, your life.

High self-esteem in men gives rise to such a problem as a constant desire for success and universal love at any cost. After such a man achieves a certain financial position and occupies a high place in society, he considers his ambitions to be satisfied.

High self-esteem is a problem psychological nature... It will take a lot of time and effort to solve. People with high self-esteem can turn to a psychologist for help, as long as it is voluntary.

If a person has high self-esteem, he can do the following exercise:

10 main advantages must be written on a piece of paper;
each should be assessed in terms of severity on a scale of 1 to 5;
then you should ask your friends, relatives to do the same;
then the obtained results are compared and analyzed.

If the estimates are very different, you need to think about why this happened. You should try to determine the real reason for these discrepancies in yourself, your own behavior, and not in other people.

Rules for the formation of adequate self-esteem

There are several rules for building good self-esteem:

Awareness plays a significant role on the path of transformation. It is important to soberly assess your external and internal data. For this, it is recommended to look at yourself from the side more often. You need to carefully analyze your strengths and weaknesses.
One should learn to respect the opinion of others, to value their dignity. Many of them can be excellent specialists in their field.
Learning to accept constructive criticism is recommended. Resentment is the worst reaction in a situation like this.
When completing tasks, you need to set high goals, but in no case get upset, do not panic if something went wrong.
It is important to remember that everyone has disadvantages.
Self-criticism is a good cure for misplaced self-assessments. It is useful for working on yourself and achieving new results.
It is recommended to become realistic. It is important to understand that a person cannot be perfect always and in everything.
In your activities, you should take into account not only your own satisfaction from the work done, but also the opinion of others.
It's important to allow yourself to make mistakes. Wrong decisions are not a disaster, but only a lesson for the future. You should also remember about personal responsibility for all consequences.
It is not recommended to compare yourself with others, to reason, good or bad person works near you.

Inflated self-esteem makes a person arrogant, confident that the people around him owe him something. The individual makes inadequate conclusions about himself, overestimating his own significance. Any deviation from adequate self-esteem is a problem for a person. It is always important to soberly assess yourself, your potential.

The cause of many problems in life is inadequate self-esteem - overestimated or underestimated.

Success in life depends a lot on self-esteem. The way a person treats himself, how he evaluates his abilities and what place he assigns to himself in society, affects his goals in life, and the results he achieves.

Heightened self-esteem

A person with this type of perception of his personality is inclined to exaggerate his own merits and successes. This is sometimes accompanied by the tendency to play down the abilities of others.

Such a person usually considers his success solely his own merit, and underestimates the role of external factors. But he blames circumstances or other people for failures, but not himself. He reacts painfully to and is ready to aggressively defend his position.

The main desire of people with an exaggerated assessment of their own "I" is to protect themselves from failure at any cost and to prove their own innocence in everything. But often, this behavior is a reaction to an underlying sense of inferiority.

The result of too high self-esteem is difficulties in communicating with others and problems with self-realization. As for the first, few people want to communicate with a person who does not consider the interests of others or allows himself to speak arrogantly. And problems with self-realization can arise for two reasons. On the one hand, people who overestimate themselves avoid goals, in their ability to achieve which they are not 100% sure, for fear of not being up to par. As a result, they deprive themselves of many chances in life. On the other hand, unreasonable self-confidence often forces them to set themselves unattainable tasks. Failures cannot be analyzed, and they end up wasting time and energy.

If you notice that people treat you coldly, and you have more ill-wishers than friends, observe your manner of communication. Perhaps the problem is your high self-esteem. Learn to treat people with respect, avoid disparaging phrases towards others, listen to their needs, and try to do something nice for the other person. Most likely, nothing will remain from the hostile attitude of others to your person.

Low self-esteem

Such people play down their worth and abilities. They explain their own achievements by chance, the help of another person, luck, and only in the last place - by their own efforts. If a person speaks for a reason, but firmly believes in it, this is not modesty, but a sign of low self-esteem. They react to compliments in their address with distrust or even aggressive rejection.

A person with low self-esteem always doubts himself, therefore he also has problems with self-realization. He chooses only those goals that are obviously easy to achieve. But often this is much lower than its real capabilities. It is not surprising that his academic success, personal life, and career are very mediocre, but he is inclined to explain this by external circumstances.

If low self-esteem is about you, try to increase it with auto-training. Remind yourself of your strengths every day. Aloud and mentally repeat positive attitudes about how talented, beautiful, wonderful, etc. you are. human.

You can use the principle of comparison and competition: if someone succeeds, then you will succeed, because you are no worse. In "difficult" cases, you can try to compare yourself with someone who does it worse than you, and remember your own attitude that you are "not worse than others, but somewhere in between."

As you can see, any distorted (overestimated or underestimated) can seriously ruin a person's life. There is a lot of literature available today, with the help of which anyone can learn to adjust their internal attitudes and patterns using special exercises and techniques. This will improve the quality of your life.

Today we will talk about how they differ high and low self-esteem... After reading this article, you will find out what it is personality self-esteem, what is it for, what are the main functions it performs, what are the main signs and reasons for low and high self-esteem, and many other interesting and useful information on this topic. All this will be necessary for us in order to consider in the next article how to raise self-esteem and self-confidence. So, first things first.

What is personality self-esteem?

Let's start with a definition. Self-esteem is a person's opinion about himself, about his own personality, its advantages and disadvantages, about his physical capabilities and spiritual qualities, about his abilities and skills, about his appearance, comparing himself with other people, understanding himself against the background of others.

V modern world adequate self-esteem and self-confidence is one of the key factors in any business.

If a person does not have self-confidence, he will not be able to convince the interlocutor of something, he will not be able to lead other people, therefore, in general, it will be much more difficult for him to follow the intended path.

Self-esteem of a person plays a huge role in human development and achievement. Without adequate self-esteem, a person is unlikely to achieve success in business, build a career, be happy in his personal life, and generally achieve something.

Self-assessment functions.

Psychologists identify 3 main functions of personality self-esteem:

Protective function. Self-esteem of a person forms the degree of a person's independence from someone else's opinion, and self-confidence makes it possible to feel relatively protected from the influence of any external unfavorable factors.
Regulatory function. Self-esteem gives a person the opportunity to make choices and regulate their life path: to set themselves and follow their own, and not someone else's, goals.
Developing function. Thanks to self-esteem, a person develops and improves, since it acts as a kind of motivating factor for.

Low, high and high self-esteem.

You can often hear such expressions as “adequate self-esteem”, “low or low self-esteem”, “high self-esteem”, “high self-esteem”. Let's see what they mean in simple words.

Low self-esteem (low self-esteem)- this is giving yourself, your personality, lower ratings and characteristics than they really are.

Heightened self-esteem- This is the perception of one's own personality at a higher level in comparison with reality.

Respectively, adequate, ideal, high self-esteem- this is the most objective and real assessment of one's own personality, the perception of it as it is: no better, and no worse.

Both underestimated and overestimated self-esteem prevent a person from developing, only it manifests itself in different ways. In fact, there are very few people with adequate, high (but not overestimated!) Self-esteem. Numerous studies of psychologists have proven that most often people have just low self-esteem, which is one of the most serious reasons for their life failures. Including, in relation to the site topic Financial genius - and low level. Therefore, for people who have it underestimated, it is very important to think about increasing self-esteem, and not just think, but start acting in this direction.

Signs of low self-esteem.

Since it is always difficult for a person to objectively assess himself, let's consider characteristic signs, which indicate that he has low self-esteem.

Constant dissatisfaction with oneself, one's work, family, life in general;
Constant self-criticism and self-examination;
Increased sensitivity to criticism and comments from other people, strong reaction to criticism;
Strong dependence on the opinions of others;
The desire to act in accordance with common stereotypes, the search for approval from others, the desire to please everyone, the desire to justify their actions in front of others;
Indecision, fear of making mistakes, severe frustration and anxiety after making a mistake;
Strong feeling of jealousy, especially for no reason;
A strong sense of envy of successes, achievements, the lives of other people;
Constant grievances, incl. for nothing;
Dissatisfaction with your appearance;
A hostile attitude towards the outside world (everyone around is enemies);
A constant sense of fear and a defensive attitude;
Pronounced pessimistic attitude.

The more of these signs you find in yourself, the more you should think about how to raise your self-esteem and gain self-confidence.

Problems and difficulties arise in the life of absolutely any person, but the difference in their perception is important. A person with low self-esteem perceives all temporary problems as permanent, as his “hard fate”, and therefore always has a negative and pessimistic attitude. As a result, all of this can even lead to serious mental disorders. While a person with adequate self-esteem seeks to overcome the difficulties that arise and, doing everything possible for this.

Why do you need high self-esteem?

Now let's dwell once again on why adequate, high self-esteem is so important. Many people have a stereotypical opinion that high self-esteem is bad, that you need to “know your place and sit, keep your head down”. And such a belief, by the way, is also one of the signs of low self-esteem.

In fact, low self-esteem of a person gives rise to very problems, becomes the cause of the development of complexes and even mental disorders, and most importantly, it very much interferes with a person's development and moving forward. Simply because he is not sure that he will be able to go through any specific steps. Such people “go with the flow,” and the main thing for them is that no one touches them.

High self-esteem, on the contrary, opens the way to achievements, to new heights, new areas of activity.

There is another important point: if a person has low self-esteem, other people will never rate him highly (and this is important for him, as you remember!). While a person with high self-esteem is always known and respected, his opinion is appreciated and heeded.

People will begin to appreciate and respect you only when you have adequate high self-esteem and self-confidence. Believe in yourself and then others will believe in you!

Signs of high self-esteem.

Now, by analogy, let's highlight the main signs that you have high self-esteem, you were able to raise it, or it was (in this case, you are great!).

You are always confident in yourself, your strengths and capabilities;
You accept yourself as you are;
You are not afraid to make mistakes, you learn from them, perceive them as an experience, and move on;
You are calm when criticized, distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism;
You easily get in touch and find mutual language with different people, do not be afraid of communication;
You always have your own point of view on any issues;
You strive for self-development and self-improvement;
You tend to be successful in your endeavors.

Reasons for low self-esteem.

To talk about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, it is also necessary to know the reasons for low self-esteem, since eliminating the cause is more effective than dealing with the consequences. Interestingly, these reasons can be of a very different nature, ranging from genetic predisposition to the social environment, the conditions in which a person grows and develops. Let's take a look at them.

Reason 1. Wrong upbringing. Parents raised many people only with a "whip", constantly scolding, comparing not in better side with other children. Naturally, such a child develops low self-esteem from childhood: he cannot do anything, he is bad, he is a loser, others are better.

Reason 2. A series of failures or psychological trauma. It happens that a person often has setbacks, and especially when there are many of them, and they follow a sequence, he begins to perceive this as a pattern, his own weakness, his own powerlessness. Or it can be one, but a very significant event, which psychologists call "psychological trauma." This is especially pronounced, again, in children and adolescents (namely, at an early age, the self-esteem of the individual is predominantly formed). Accordingly, a person develops a low self-esteem: he cannot be confident in himself and “programs” himself in advance for failure.

Reason 3. Lack of life goals. A very serious reason for low self-esteem. If a person lacks clearly expressed ones, he has nothing to strive for, there is no need to develop. Such a person leads a passive lifestyle, not developing his personal qualities in any way. He does not dream, does not care about his appearance and his well-being, and such a person often has not just low self-esteem, but generally absent.

Reason 4. Environment and social environment. The formation of a person's self-esteem is greatly influenced by the environment and the environment in which a person is. If he grows and develops among amorphous people without goals, going with the flow, he will most likely be the same, low self-esteem is provided for him. But if he is surrounded by ambitious, constantly developing and successful people who are a good role model, the person will strive to keep up with them, and he will rather form an adequate, high self-esteem.

Reason 5. Appearance or health problems. And finally, another significant reason for low self-esteem is the presence of certain defects in appearance or visible health problems (overweight, low vision, etc.). Again, from an early age, such people can be ridiculed and insulted, so they often develop low self-esteem, which interferes with throughout adulthood.

Now you have a certain idea of what self-esteem is, how low and high self-esteem differ, what are their signs and causes. And in the next article we will talk about how to raise your self-esteem if it is underestimated.

Stay tuned! Until next time!

Underestimated - underestimation of one's own strength;
Overestimated - overestimation of one's own strength;
Normal - an adequate assessment of oneself, one's own strengths in certain life situations, in setting one's goals and objectives, an adequate perception of the world, in communicating with people.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

1. Attitude of others as an indicator. As a person relates to himself, so others relate to him. If he does not love himself, does not respect and does not appreciate, then he is faced with the same attitude of people towards himself.

2. Inability to manage your own life. A person believes that he will not cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing depends on him in this life, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his capabilities and powers, he either does nothing at all, or shifts the responsibility for the choice onto others.

3. A tendency to accuse others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it suits them, they engage in self-flagellation in order to feel sorry for them. And if they want not pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.

4. Striving to be good, to please, to please, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one's personal desires.

5. Frequent claims to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others, constantly blame them, thereby removing responsibility for failures from themselves. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that the best defense is an attack.

6 . Focusing on your weaknesses, not your strengths. In particular, being overly critical of one's appearance. A sign of low self-esteem is picky about your appearance, constant dissatisfaction with your figure, eye color, height and body in general.

7. Permanent nervousness, groundless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from the loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure that has occurred, criticism from the outside, an unsuccessful exam (interview), etc.

8. Loneliness or vice versa - fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: "You cannot love someone like me."

9. The development of addictions, addictions as a way of temporary escape from reality.

10. Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Inability to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence / suppression of one's own desires.

11. Closure, isolation from people. Feelings of self-pity. Inability to accept compliments. The constant state of the victim. As the saying goes, the victim will always find an executioner.

12. Heightened sense of guilt. He tries on critical situations for himself, not sharing his guilt and the role of the prevailing circumstances. Any disassembly takes in relation to himself as the culprit of the situation, because this will be the "best" confirmation of his inferiority.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself?

1. Arrogance. A person puts himself above others: "I am better than them." Constant rivalry as a way to prove it, "protruding" to show one's merits.

2. Closure as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the thought that others are below him in status, intelligence and other qualities.

3. Self-confidence and constant proof of this as the "salt" of life. The last word should always remain with him. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, others should dance to his "tune".

4. Setting overestimated goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, spreads rot on himself.

5. Inability to admit mistakes, apologize, ask for forgiveness, lose. Fear of evaluation.

6. Painful reaction to criticism.

7. Fear of making a mistake, seeming weak, defenseless, insecure.

8. The inability to ask for help as a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, this is more like a demand, an order.

9. Accentuation only on yourself. He puts his own interests and hobbies first.
The desire to teach the life of others, to "poke" them into the mistakes they have made and to show how it should be by the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity.

10. Arrogance.

11. The prevalence of the pronoun "I" in speech. Talking more in conversations than happening. Interrupts interlocutors.

For what reasons can self-esteem failures occur?

Childhood Injuries, the causes of which can be any event significant for the child, and there are a huge number of sources.

Teenage years... Age 13 to 17-18. The teenager is looking for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself, asking the question: "Who am I?"

It is logical that both low and overestimated self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot make you a truly happy person. Therefore, it is necessary to do something about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it is time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

1. Make a list of your qualities, strengths, and virtues that you like about yourself or that your loved ones like. If you don't know, ask them about it. In this way, you will begin to see the positive aspects of your personality in yourself, thereby starting to cultivate self-esteem.

2. Make a list of the things you enjoy. If possible, start performing them for yourself. By doing this, you will cultivate love and concern for yourself.

3. Make a list of your desires and goals and move in this direction. Exercising will tone up, lift your spirits, and allow you to show quality care for your body, which you are so unhappy with. At the same time, negative emotions are released, which were accumulated and did not have the opportunity to exit. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy left for self-flagellation.

4. An accomplishment diary can also boost your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.

5. Make a list of the qualities that you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with the help of various techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty of both on the Internet and offline.

6. Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, from communication with whom "wings grow". At the same time, minimize to the possible level contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc.

The scheme of work with high self-esteem

1. First you need to understand that each person is unique in their own way, everyone has the right to their point of view.

2. Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important to them, they have their own desires and dreams.

3. When caring for others, do it based on their needs, not on what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, and you think that tea will be healthier. Do not impose your tastes and opinions on him.

4. Allow yourself to make mistakes and blunders. This provides a real basis for self-improvement and a valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.

5. Stop arguing with others and proving your case. You may not know yet, but in many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.

6. Do not get depressed if you have not been able to achieve the desired result. Better analyze the situation in terms of why it happened, what you did wrong, what is the reason for the failure.
Learn adequate self-criticism (yourself, your actions, decisions).

7. Stop competing with others for any reason. Sometimes it looks extremely silly.
Extend your merits as little as possible, thereby underestimating others. The objective dignity of a person does not need a vivid demonstration - they are seen by actions.

There is one law that helps me a lot in my life and in working with clients:

To be. Make. Have

What does it mean?

"To have" is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result that you want to see in your life.

"Doing" means strategies, tasks, behavior, actions. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.

"To be" is your sense of yourself. Who are you within yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel like.

In addition, not always and not everyone is aware of the problem, it can sit deeply in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to return a person to himself, to his unique values and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding of this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason, I believe that the optimal way for a person to interact with himself is therapy "being", not "action." This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest path.

Good luck in your endeavors!

Respectfully yours, consultant psychologist
Drazhevskaya Irina

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More recently, the opinion that high self-esteem is what a person needs for success and happiness in life was almost indisputable. If by nature you got increased self-criticism or parents who are stingy with praise, which often leads to low self-esteem, then the recipe was always the same - increase it with all your might, go to trainings, learn positive thinking, learn to see only good in yourself, otherwise you will not see happy life like your ears. But today, not everything is so simple.

Low self-esteem also has its advantages ...

In the field of self-esteem, there is more and more evidence that low self-esteem (when a person evaluates his knowledge, abilities or other characteristics of himself below what he really is) leads to the fact that the person continues to work and "dig", while when a person with high self-esteem would have long ago lay down on the sofa, enjoying himself and the results achieved (see in more detail: Chamorro-Premuzik T. Self-confidence. How to increase self-esteem, overcome fears and doubts. Alpina-Publisher, 2014). And who achieves more in the end? I personally know many people who are very successful in their fields, but cannot boast of high basic self-esteem: they sometimes torment themselves with criticism and dissatisfaction with the result, but this is what leads them forward to success. But success is success, but what about happiness and prosperity? What does positive psychology say about this? It should be noted that positive psychology as a science has recently reached a new level of development, when not only positive emotions, but also negative ones are recognized as useful for prosperity and a happy life (Wong, PTP (2011). Positive psychology 2.0: Towards a balanced interactive model of the good life, Canadian Psychology, 52 (2), 69-81), because negative emotions are often much better “teachers” than positive ones. As Barbara Fredriksen said: “ Negative emotions they shout at us, but the positive ones whisper, ”but not everyone hears the whisper.

What does high self-esteem give and what does it not?

Research shows that high self-esteem is positively correlated with life satisfaction and subjective well-being (Diener et al. (1999). Subjective well-being: three decades of progress. Psychological Bulletin, 125 (2), 276-302). This is not surprising: when a person initially thinks positively of himself, he is better protected from criticism, failure, stress. If they tell him that he is bad, then he has an argument in the form of high self-esteem - he knows that he is good! Such a person recovers faster in order to move on. For everyday subjective well-being, having such a "body armor" of positive self-perception is beneficial and pleasant. But at the same time, it protects us from the thought that in what we have been doing or are doing something really may be wrong. We may even start to get angry with people who point out flaws to us.

Dissatisfaction with our own results makes us work further, dig deeper. This is exactly what people with low self-esteem are capable of, of course, if they direct the energy of criticism and discontent not into themselves, but into action. Perhaps this is the difference that leads some to inaction and depression, and others to success.

Cons of low self-esteem

At the same time, a person with low self-esteem can feel very unhappy all this time (who will like it if he is constantly criticized) - this, of course, is a big minus. But there is also a plus: as a result, such a person has many small daily joys replaced by one big one. From the point of view of positive psychology, happier people are people who experience many small joys compared to one big one, and here low self-esteem, of course, will be a negative counterbalance to happiness. But human progress and global human success benefit from this.

It should be borne in mind that the reason for a person's low self-esteem is not always upbringing or other external factors. Often this is a natural self-criticism, a genetically inherent tendency to doubt one's own abilities and results. By the way, this is typical of smart, well-reflective people. And to fight against this is more dear to ourselves.

What to strive for?

So what are we to do ordinary people, whatever our self-esteem is? For me personally, the answer to this question is three words: "awareness", "acceptance" and "effort."

Mindfulness... It is very important to understand that both high and low self-esteem have their pros and cons. Of course, it is ideal to strive for adequate self-esteem (when our subjective assessment is close to the objective state of affairs), but in real life it is very difficult, since one way or another we are all subjective and our self-esteem often differs in different areas of life depending on various circumstances. It is important to know the features of your self-esteem and treat it as information about yourself that needs to be taken into account, and not as some kind of inevitability. Personally, as a person with a positive outlook, I often catch myself thinking that I am not finalizing in some places, especially in those projects that may or may not take place (new books). Critical colleagues (coaches) help here, who can show you new depths, into which love for yourself did not allow you to look.

2. Acceptance... Accepting yourself for who you are helps to get rid of the advantages and disadvantages that self-esteem can carry with it, whatever it may be. Being who you are is the most profitable thing. If a person, for example, has low self-esteem by nature or because of upbringing, then he may begin to feel sorry for himself, start going to therapists, and become depressed. Or you can accept it unconditionally and then think about what to do with it. Personally, at some point, I refused to constantly increase the natural low self-esteem of the youngest son (by praise or discussions that everything is not so scary as he imagines), but simply accepted his pessimism, self-criticism and constant self-doubt. And everything became much easier. From that day on, he stopped proving to me that he was. Now, when he doesn't want to start something new because of his low self-esteem, I tell him: “You doubt yourself, it's hard for you to imagine that everything will be fine. You are by nature, there is nothing wrong with that, you are not the only one. Do you remember how scared you were when we went on the swimming course? And when did you go to school? But then everything returned to normal. How glad you were when you learned to swim! And you yourself wanted to go to school today (although today is Sunday :) And this time everything will be fine. You just need to close your eyes, take the first step and make an effort. " Because without effort there will be no success.

3. Efforts... Do not try, but do. When we increase our competence in something, we gradually achieve success, success raises our self-esteem. And here it is important not just to do, to fuss, but to perform the right actions, at the right time, in the right amount. When it works, success comes. By observing it, we receive positive reinforcement, which naturally encourages us to move on. And then no criticism is needed, no other benefits of low self-esteem. Then you just go ahead, because it turns out, because you want to - about the strength of positive emotions, not negative ones.

Exercise to increase your positive self-perception

The best exercise for increasing self-esteem and positive self-perception, I believe, is the ability to highlight in those areas that you consider important to your happy life and prosperity, your strengths - what you do well, as well as what can be improved further. Moreover, it is very useful to make both your own assessment and ask other people about it (who knows you well). Often, our inner vision does not match the vision of others. At the webinar, I described this exercise in more detail.

At first, it is good to do it in writing, and then orally: you noticed a flaw, criticized yourself, if you please notice something positive, for which you can praise. Our brain naturally reacts more intensely to negativity, so sometimes its reactions need to be aligned. And this exercise, which will quickly become a habit, if done regularly, will help you to perceive yourself more adequately and positively.

If you want to learn more and take self-assessment tests

If you are interested in the topic and want to learn more about the methods of working with self-esteem, you can watch the recording of the webinar "Positive perception of yourself", which took place on Saturday, September 16 as part of the trial lesson on the distance program "Positive Psychology", which starts on October 1, at the Institute of Practical Psychology at the National Research University " graduate School economy ”. On the course, we are just engaged in self-awareness, self-acceptance and competence development in the areas most important for a happy life and prosperity. You will not only learn for yourself, but you will also be able to subsequently teach others the basics of positive psychology. I invite everyone! You can get more detailed information about the program.

I would be glad to receive your comments and observations on the topic!

Sincerely,

We hear often. Many articles describe why it is important to build self-confidence and how insecurity threatens us.

However, the question is, why is an overestimated self-esteem dangerous for a person? After all, if we overestimate our strengths and are too sure that we can handle everything, then will this not be the cause of severe disappointment. Read about this and much more below.

Causes
Is it good or bad?
How to deal with "narcissism"

How to determine if it is overpriced or not?

As already mentioned, overestimated self-esteem is a person's overestimation of his strength and capabilities. At the same time, a person thinks that he is better than he really is. In this case, it is impossible to admit that there are drawbacks.

From the outside, it is seen as follows: a person behaves self-confidently, does not listen to anyone's advice, considers himself right in any case. In general, the behavior of a typical Narcissus from myths.

Signs:

Excessive self-confidence. Usually has no objective reason;
Ignoring someone else's opinion, especially if it does not coincide with the opinion of a person. It is worth noting that no attention is paid to the feelings of the people around them;
Selfishness. A vision of only your goals;
Lack of skills to apologize or admit that you are wrong;
Rivalry with others. And it happens on an ongoing basis;
The conversation is based only on a discussion of the merits, thoughts and feelings of a person. The experiences and thoughts of those around him are not interesting to him;
Criticism from others is considered a sign of disrespect.

And one more distinguishing feature is the desire to be always and first in everything.

Such a person will never be satisfied with an honorable second place, and the saying “The main thing is not victory, but participation” is also not about such a person. All activities are aimed at becoming a winner and proving to others that he is the best.

It is worth paying attention to the fact that if the desired recognition cannot be achieved, a deep depressive state may arise.

Causes

The reasons for the development of an inadequate assessment of one's capabilities and strengths include:

Inferiority complex. As strange as it sounds, this is the most common reason. The fact is that a person can suffer from self-doubt for a long time. But at one point, a decision may come to stop it.

By force of will, insecurity hides behind arrogance and selfishness. And there is such an interesting defensive reaction. But a person is unlikely to admit to you that he does not feel confident;

Features of education. For example, if parents too often and inappropriately praise the baby, then he gets used to being special and doing everything right. And to convince a person that sometimes he can be wrong in this case is almost impossible.

So it turns out that the child's high self-esteem smoothly flows into adulthood. Therefore, if you notice that the baby is developing too much self-esteem, then you should pay more attention to setting the boundaries of behavior and praise only in the case;

Working conditions. For example, if a good specialist finds himself in an atmosphere where there are no more workers with his specialization (that is, there is no competition), then excessive self-confidence may develop;
Fame. This applies more to public people. After all, if every day you are interviewed or filmed for fashion magazines, then how to resist and not become too self-confident. That is why they say that not everyone withstands the test of fame.

Is it good or bad?

Each manifestation of our psyche has its pros and cons. As for the too high level of self-esteem in their abilities, then plus may be:

A sufficient level of confidence required to achieve your goal. Indeed, sometimes we do not have enough faith in ourselves to take that single decisive step forward, express our opinion or defend what is important to us.

An individual with too high a level of confidence, however, simply cannot have such problems;

Faster success is possible. After all, you are so confident in yourself that the option of failure is not even considered. And in some cases, being positive is half the battle.

Now, as for cons:

Rejection in society. Think about how long others will tolerate you if you treat them with disdain all the time;
Difficulty building friendships and romantic relationships. Follows from the previous point. If people do not tolerate a narcissist, then they are unlikely to want to get closer to him;
Failure. If we do not pay attention to the circumstances, but only follow our ambitions, then we risk ultimately ending up at a broken trough.

As you can see, there are more minuses than pluses. In addition, you can achieve success or defend your rights if you have adequate self-esteem.

How to deal with "narcissism"

If, reading the material provided earlier, you realize that this is all like you, then you should not panic. It is possible to deal with such negative manifestations of character.

To do this, try to remember a few rules:

Evaluate only your real deeds. Remember that it is good to want something more, but that does not mean that you already have this more simply because you wanted it that way.

Therefore, each step in the direction of your dreams should be considered both from the side of the pros (what you did and got as a result) and from the side of the minuses (what you have not done yet, but you will definitely do next time);

The other person's luck is not a challenge for you. Try to perceive someone's success as self-development and a good example. However, this does not mean at all that you need to get out of your way in order to overtake a more successful acquaintance;
Review your list of close friends and admit to yourself which one of them praises you for nothing. Flattery in this case only inflates conceit and hides the real state of affairs.

Therefore, try to communicate more with people who are able to tell you the truth, no matter how bitter it may be;

Admit your flaws to yourself. Don't take them as unworthy. Remember that shortcomings are given to us so that we develop on the way to overcome them;
Compromise is not an admission of your failure. Rather, it is an admission that other people may have a different opinion and you are ready to hear it.

You need to remind yourself of these common truths every day. And if over time you notice that the situation has not changed for the better, then I recommend that you seek advice from a psychologist.

Perhaps the reason is in the deep attitudes of the subconscious and, by resorting to the help of a professional, you can get rid of them faster and more efficiently.

How to communicate with people with high self-esteem

The main thing here is to understand whether you are ready to accept them as they are. If yes, then in moments of special interpersonal tension, remind yourself that inside, under all this arrogance, most often there is insecurity and fear of being left with nothing.

And if possible, it is worth paying attention of the "narcissist" to how others perceive him. However, this should be done in a mild form, without pressure.

But it is not worth trying to specifically underestimate a person's self-esteem by pointing out his shortcomings. This can lead to the emergence or aggravation of psychological trauma, which will be difficult to get rid of later.

So, today we talked about what it is increased self-esteem what it can lead to, what to do with it and how to communicate with a person who is too confident in his strengths and capabilities.

I hope that the material was useful and interesting for you. And we still have a lot of new things ahead.

Therefore, subscribe to blog updates and recommend interesting materials to your friends on social networks!

See you!

Practicing psychologist Maria Dubynina was with you

When we talk about high self-esteem, some comparison with something reference is necessarily assumed. But psychology is not an exact science. And if so, then it is fair to talk about an adequate or inadequate self-esteem of a person.

It is rather difficult to unequivocally assess human behavior. It is necessary to know all the prerequisites that induce certain thoughts and actions, which is impossible. The division into "good" and "bad" itself presupposes a value judgment.

It is the duality of perception that makes it difficult to make an objective assessment. For this reason, the object of study in psychology is a person. His feelings, thoughts, experiences, behavior. In this context, the level of self-esteem is difficult to overestimate.

High self-esteem, like two sides of the same coin:

Positive side... High self-esteem is faith in yourself, in your own strength. Self-esteem. Without respecting yourself, it is difficult to learn to respect others. Overwhelming majority successful people respect themselves, know their strengths and weak sides... Perfectly imagine and their weaknesses. This knowledge makes them even more stable in stressful situations and allows them to move on along the path of their cultivation.
Negative side... On the other hand, blindly believing in his own strength, a person can quickly lose the adequacy of the perception of reality. A reckless driver or gambling addict is prominent representatives people with excessively high self-confidence and belief in luck and success. It is the overestimated self-esteem and inadequate self-confidence that is the cause of the illusions that inevitably collapse, mentally exhausting the person.

Of course, high self-esteem is important for the harmonious development of the individual. Three levels can be distinguished in the assessment of people themselves:

Underestimated- prefers to take on tasks that are objectively below his knowledge and abilities. Copes much faster than the allotted time.
Overpriced- tasks that a person traditionally undertakes are significantly superior to his skills. Constantly fails to cope with the assigned tasks.
Adequate- a person with a high probability chooses tasks that most closely correspond to experience and knowledge.

Speaking of high self-esteem, we mean an adequate level of self-perception, where one's capabilities and strengths are fairly accurately assessed. A person is able to take adequate risks, overcoming which increases intrinsic motivation.

Overestimated self-esteem is characterized by constant time pressure, breakdown of obligations, and constant blaming others, but not oneself, for failures. Low self-esteem, on the other hand, is a direct road to self-deprecation. Obviously, overestimated and underestimated self-esteem are inadequate.

Now, in summary, we can distinguish between the existence of high and overestimated self-esteem. Obviously, high self-esteem is good, but high self-esteem is bad. Possibly bad for others. But, first of all - for the owner of such an assessment about himself.

It prevents a person from looking at himself honestly and accepting himself as he is. And without this, inner growth and human happiness are impossible.

Signs

A person who evaluates himself objectively has the following features that distinguish a high level of self-esteem:

respects himself, his inner freedom;
respects the freedom of others;
does not follow the lead of generally accepted rules that contradict his understanding of common sense and honesty;
thinks and acts proactively;
ready to help, but not imposed;
can easily ask for help if needed;
is able to set goals for himself and achieve their achievement;
realizing his strengths and weaknesses, he perfectly understands how to inspire others to accomplishments;
able to lead people.

A person with high self-esteem immediately stands out among people. His inherent proactive thinking helps to shape himself as a leader. First of all, a leader for himself, and then for others.

Do you need to deal with overconfidence

If it delivers unnecessary trouble, then it is necessary. Overconfidence, by definition, implies a very frequent breakdown of commitments or the constant assumption of excessive risks, which can be fraught with serious consequences for many people.

Naturally, sooner or later, the question will arise of adjusting such self-confidence and bringing it to an adequate level. Is it possible?

The question is who is the target of the consequences of overconfidence. If a person with an overestimated self-esteem suffers from this, then it is quite possible to lower the level to an adequate one. Moreover, there is his desire for it.

Analyze every failure on the subject of "guilty". Every time the temptation is great to "appoint" the person responsible for mistakes. Assess your personal contribution to failure.
List your pros and cons on a sheet of paper in two columns.... Study each plus carefully and critically. Perhaps he is greatly exaggerated.
Analyze your strengths critically for real availability. It may turn out that a number of qualities attributed to the side of the strengths, in fact, are not. Moreover, they can be a rude and aggressive manifestation of weaknesses.
Get ready to face yourself... According to Carl Gustav Jung, such a meeting is the most important for each of us. At the same time, we fear it most of all. It takes a certain amount of courage.

Often, overestimated self-esteem dresses up in an understated dress. A striking example of the manifestation of false low self-esteem: a man complains that beautiful women do not pay attention to him.

The position of the victim, which often goes along with the inflated self-esteem, gives her the appearance of understated. A man with a truly low self-esteem would not even think that he is worthy of the attention of beautiful girls.

How to develop adequate self-esteem in a child

In raising children, the first five years of life are the most important. The foundation is laid for the ability to independently correct their behavior already in adulthood.

Before continuing the discussion about the education of an adolescent with adequate self-esteem, it is worth thinking about the etymology of the word “self-esteem”. Parents are well aware of the importance of a healthy assessment by their children of the seed themselves, but too often they do the opposite.

Self-esteem means self-assessment their actions and their consequences. And mothers and fathers are in too much of a hurry to assess the actions of their son or daughter, which has a detrimental effect on the healthy development of the child's psyche. Truly, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Let your child be on their own reap the benefits of your decisions and actions. Of course, as long as there is no threat to life or the risk of serious material costs. The result is that the child learns to make decisions on his own and take responsibility for his actions and transfer them to their elders.
If you are annoyed by certain points in behavior children, do not be silent. Tell your child about it. But in any case, do not evaluate the act and, even more so, the child himself. Only talk about your feelings. “I-send” instead of “you-send”. The result is that the child understands the level of negative consequences of his act without “turning on” protective reactions.

Just two small and uncomplicated rules. But by constantly adhering to them, you will not only help the child to form into a strong personality with adequate reactions, but also build excellent relationships in the family.

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How to determine if it is overpriced or not?

Signs:

Causes

The reasons for the development of an inadequate assessment of one's capabilities and strengths include:

Is it good or bad?

How to deal with "narcissism"

How to communicate with people with high self-esteem

Signs

Do you need to deal with overconfidence

How to develop adequate self-esteem in a child

Video: Secrets of a Happy Relationship - High Self-Esteem

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