Types of life values. Briefly about the main thing: concepts and types. To endure is to act productively, not to wait

For each of us, life values ​​are a fundamental guideline in various activities. They contribute to personal growth, the creation of a comfortable life, the formation of creative thinking, etc. Everything is achieved by a person thanks to the hierarchy of values ​​\u200b\u200bbuilt by him, which determines which of the priorities comes first. This is the measure of human happiness.

Some put the family in the first place, others do not think of their well-being without others give to interests, hobbies. Some representatives of mankind, refusing material goods, see their happiness only in spiritual self-improvement. In general, life values ​​are the goals and priorities that, managing a person's life, determine his essence. The choice of fundamental guidelines is carried out by people depending on the level of development of their consciousness. However, either material ones should not be extreme, as this will inevitably lead to excessive materialization or, conversely, illusory nature. Therefore, it is very important to achieve a balance in the system. life priorities.

There are universal human life values ​​that are equally important for all people. Each era establishes its own system of priorities for the individual. In today's society, values ​​include health, family, work and education. The implementation of priorities that are significant for a person is very important for his recognition and self-affirmation.

Starting to form in the family, life values ​​further determine the image and their worldview. After analyzing them, you can determine the scarcity or wealth inner peace person, the diversity of his interests and individuality. In the formation of a person's value attitudes, a significant role is played by his close environment (friends, family), religious beliefs, as well as national and social traditions.

The main life can be divided into several groups:

• A family. Assumes long-term relationships (with parents, children, marriage partner, relatives and friends), which are considered as a value. Thanks to the improvement of a person in a pair, his personal growth is more effective. And warm relationships with relatives allow you to feel the fullness of happiness.
• Career. It involves purposeful actions aimed at achieving a certain one, thanks to which new opportunities and spheres of influence open up before a person.
• Favourite buisness. Promotes the disclosure of the inner world of man. With a reasonably built hierarchy of life guidelines, a favorite pastime, hobby and many other interests will help strengthen the state of spiritual harmony and happiness.
• Money, comfort. An orderly life is considered as a value that requires certain financial costs.
• Education. Improving professional skills contributes to personal development and represents a certain value. Thanks to the acquisition of certain knowledge and skills, high-quality and competent performance of work, career growth is possible.
• Health and beauty. Body values ​​(tight figure, developed muscles, well-groomed skin) are considered as an important component of a healthy lifestyle that requires systematic exercise.
• Personal growth. It includes certain social and psychological skills that contribute to the formation of maturity in views, attention to people around, the manifestation of wisdom, control of one's feelings and emotions.

Thus, life values ​​are a way of self-affirmation of a person, regulating his behavior.

Hi all! The values ​​of life are practically the foundation of a person's personality, his core and support. Remember the saying, "Tell me who your friend is, and I'll tell you who you are"? That's exactly the same way you can characterize anyone, having learned what is most important for him, what he aspires to and longs for.

Role and importance in human life

Values ​​help us make decisions and choose the path we want to take. Or rather, they define it. Because, thanks to them, we orient ourselves in this world and understand what should be done and what is better not to do. Otherwise, satisfying needs and realizing dreams will not work. They often give us They bring stability and confidence in a successful future. The main thing is to refrain from imposing them on others, otherwise they will be transformed into an ideology. And this does not always bode well.

They inspire, motivate and give us strength for accomplishments. Because a person who knows exactly what he wants and firmly believes in the correctness of the chosen path cannot be stopped. It can be said without a shadow of a doubt that they help to find the meaning of their existence. They build character and help create close, deep bonds with people who are similar in their prioritization choices. Agree, it is very difficult to be close to those who devalue. Or does not understand at all the importance of some processes that are significant for the interlocutor or partner.

They also allow the formation of beliefs and a clear position regarding political and, in principle, social issues. Build self-esteem. They are guided in society, in the form of norms and rules of conduct.

Classification

In addition to material and spiritual, professor of psychology and pedagogy, Philip Lersh, identified three main types:

Vital

These are our hobbies, desires and feelings. To put it simply - the image and style of life. For some, the most significant is a quality vacation, which is why he tries to enjoy and satisfy travel as often as possible. And it is more important for someone to invest in material things, rejoicing at the replenishment of the collection of stamps or figurines.

self-importance

This category is more typical for individuals who strive to realize themselves, achieve heights and success, having received recognition and respect from others. Why are all the resources and free time are sent to work. An example is inveterate careerists striving to come to power at all costs and so on.

semantic

Based on the name, one can understand that they give meaning and meaning to actions, desires, dreams. This is the desire for creativity, the search for something ideal and perfect. Sincere impulses to serve the good of society and help those who need help.

7 Core Values

Man is in a continuous process of development, except for cases of degradation. He is completely different in different stages of his life. Why is there a constant change of values.

For example, it is not uncommon for successful businessmen to leave their business, sell their houses, cars and go to live in deserted places. To connect with nature and feel the pleasure of life. Their system of priorities was completely changed, old stereotypes and aspirations "fall away", and new ones were developed. They were aware of their problem and sought to correct, to fill the wasted years. And sometimes vice versa, the world received geniuses and just creative people who have had their fill of solitude and are hungry for fellowship.

So, despite the fact that everyone has their own views on the world and needs, there are still areas that should never be ignored. To, as in the previous examples, not to go to extremes. So the core values ​​are:

Health

In the first place, since it is quite difficult to do without it, and sometimes impossible. Agree, without pain and any physical limitations, it is much easier to realize your goals and dreams. Good health is the best companion on the path to success. A surge of strength, vivacity and vigor - isn't this what most of us dream of?

Therefore, it is important to go in for sports, consult doctors in time and periodically undergo examinations to make sure that the state of the body is normal, or to anticipate the occurrence of any disease. Listen to the sensations in your body, follow your desires and quit any kind of addiction. After all, as they say, a healthy mind in a healthy body.

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Spirituality

Spirituality is quite multifaceted, and consists of faith, ethics, inner balance and harmony with the outside world, nature, understanding the meaning of life and one's purpose. It also affects the moral side of the individual. All this together helps to feel happiness, to understand what actions are worth doing and what are not. To cope with difficulties, after all, what, if not faith, gives us the strength and motivation to act and move on, no matter what? It is very important to develop spirituality in yourself, and you will learn how to do it.

Proximity

It is important to receive it as friendly relations as well as in families. Communication is in fact our most important need, after, of course, the physiological ones. To continue your lineage, to feel support and support behind your back, to know that there are associates and people in general who care about you is really valuable.

Many, not getting intimacy, try to replace it with material things, which give the illusion that, in principle, one can live without love. But in fact, the saturation and satisfaction from this is superficial, and short-lived. Nothing can fully replace contact with another person, healthy and full of feelings.

Financial position

Financial independence provides a person with comfort, peace, stability, and sometimes health. Each of us simply must be able to plan expenses, have a passive type of income and avoid falling into a debt hole. Otherwise, anxiety, stress and poor health will be constant companions.

Thanks to money, we can purchase quality products, equip our lives in such a way that it is comfortable. Travel the world, expanding horizons and boundaries of consciousness, learn new things and more. The problem arises when a person tries to replace all other needs directly with money, ignoring relationships, recreation, hobbies. Therefore, take it into service and begin to improve your financial situation.

Career

The realization of one's ambitions and abilities is sometimes vital, as it allows one to gain recognition from colleagues, relatives, and society as a whole. Achieving career success and professional competence, a person experiences self-esteem, and this has a positive effect on his self-esteem.

This includes not only professional activity but also charity. Helping others is the best way to increase self-worth, and for some it also gives an understanding of one's destiny.

Relaxation

To be inspired and recharged with energy, it is important to be able to have a good rest. And believe me, not everyone is capable of this. Life's troubles and grandiose plans are sometimes so addictive that a person is afraid to relax even for a minute. Wallowing in front of the TV or spending time outside computer games and in social networks actually take time, and do not allow you to sufficiently restore strength and resources.

To get new emotions, you need to change your usual way of life. culture modern society promotes a whole lot of entertainment and opportunities to relax qualitatively, try new things for yourself. So choose the moment and spend your holidays and weekends with pleasure, without reproaching yourself for laziness.

Self-development

There is no limit to perfection, and no matter how advanced you are, there is always something more to learn. Get to know not only the world around you, but also your internal structure, so to speak, the structure of your personality. You are constantly changing, and it is very important to notice the slightest changes in order to know how to treat yourself, build relationships with others, and also advance in your career.

Conclusion

In order to understand which area requires your urgent attention, I want to offer you an interesting method called the Balance Wheel. It will help you see complete picture your problem areas and vice versa, the benefits. You can get acquainted with it by clicking .

The material was prepared by a psychologist and Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina.

Life values ​​organize human life. The individual may define important concepts himself, but after that they govern his behavior. This is a set of internal rules, something that a person monitors compliance with independently.

Values, criteria and basis for their growth

One cannot think that life values ​​always play a role in life. essential role. Few people actually follow them. About values in question in conversations, but living every second to realize your values ​​is not easy, not everyone can do this.

From a physiological point of view, a person exists to satisfy his needs, is guided by his habits and shows emotions when faced with phenomena that do not satisfy him. The values ​​of many people exist only in words, their implementation is not carried out. For them, life is determined by simple physiological mechanisms. It is necessary to become a person, and for this you will have to develop your own values. Thus, important life values ​​require the achievement of a certain personality base.

Criteria for true intrinsic values:

• They are dear to man, he is ready to stand up for them.
• There must be awareness in their choice, because the person must observe them without reminders.
• The positivity of values ​​causes pride in a person.

The important point is understanding. It is impossible to change life on your deathbed, so be aware of the interest and necessity of your life rules while there is time. If you know for sure what you want and value most, fill every day of your life with it.

Formation of values

If on New Year's Eve you remember everything that happened in the past and dream about what you should do in the new year, then this is the right time to determine life values. Write down everything that is important to you, and then it remains only to monitor compliance with this. A sign of a truly developed personality is if a person is guided in his actions and deeds by his values. The latter determine the goals, plans and the future of a person grow out of them. More deliberate actions - more active personal growth.

Everyone has their own unique set of internal rules. Usually the formation of life values ​​occurs before the onset of twelve years. We are influenced by parents, school and teachers, surrounding culture, etc. Values ​​can be formed after their awareness and full acceptance. A full-fledged personality has ordered life values. She understands what is most important and comes first, and what is placed below or serves other purposes. Coincidence in the list of values ​​contributes to the improvement of relations between people, and significant deviations give rise to conflict. Life values ​​arise in childhood, thanks to the atmosphere that surrounds us. The natural formation of new values ​​can occur by involving the individual in other conditions of life, where new block values ​​are critically needed for him.

Categories of values

What else is known about basic life values? Can they be counted? The whole list of life values ​​is extensive, but everything is subject to classification. The synton approach groups the basic life values ​​of a normal person into three circles:

• Related to work, business, business.
• Related to relationships and personal life.
• Responsible for their own development.

These parts can be considered in more detail.

Pleasure

Entertainment and relaxation, love, excitement. This is joy and separation, enjoyment and life to the fullest. Your possible trip to the country of dreams, where you will find the sea and sand, for example, or mountains and snow. Playing roulette when everything is at stake, poker or a bet. Romantic cozy meetings in coffee houses, taking place in the twilight with a loved one nearby.

Relationships

Children, family, common understanding. Long, stable relationship of a loving couple. The question of fathers and children, eternal friendship and loved ones. Included in this category is the value of relationships with other people in general. In addition, love is present here, but it has a different character, not passionate, but caring, affectionate and respectful. It is the joy of meeting with children and spouse after a long day at work. This is the patient sons' help to elderly parents when they are unable to cope even with ordinary affairs.

Stability

Comfort, money, home. This group concerns a stable life and order. It concerns two concepts at once. "Comfort, money, home" are essential for the family, and also support a good rest. Secondly, the financial question affects the category "Work, business, business." To furnish a new apartment, the newlyweds go to Ikea. They are forced to spend a lot of time there, because everything they want is too expensive, and their budget is limited.

purpose

Own projects and affairs. What do you spend your day on? What do you do at work? What's on your mind before you fall asleep? In this category there is everything that relates to your ideas, plans and work, your development. The teenager is fond of video and photography. He carefully sought out the best shots. Ten years later, the man has achieved incredible success and shoots videos. His next step is directing.

Status

Power, career, status. The thirst for gaining a higher position in society, new influences and open doors. The businessman is getting more and more expensive cars emphasizing their prestige. The model goes shopping only in branded stores. They demonstrate their position in society, because so much effort has been spent to achieve it.

Education

Professional development at work, self-education. The fulfillment of their professional tasks is complicated without the proper level of education and the necessary experience. For this reason, the qualification covers the category "Work, business, business". Improving education and improving skills leads to the development of a person as a person. The stylist carefully considers the appearance of celebrities on the red carpet, because it is important for him to get acquainted with the latest fashion trends.

Self-development

Development of psychological and social skills, personal growth. Category of development of individual characteristics. Personal growth leads to conscious conclusions, increased attention to loved ones and others. Social skills mean the ability to behave in society, find mutual language with different people. Psychological skills - dealing with your fears, controlling emotions, clarity of thought. People immediately appear next to a person when he monitors the manifestations of his feelings, is attentive to others.

Physiology

Health, beauty, development in harmony. Slenderness, care for appearance, good physical shape, ability to dance and grace - all these are physiological life values ​​that are located on the border of two categories. The development of the body and attention to one's health leads to the development of the personality, therefore it is in contact with the category of self-development. These values ​​simultaneously affect relationships with the opposite sex, so the category "Relationships and personal life" develops in parallel.

Spirituality

Realization of goals, knowledge of the surrounding world and life principles, growth of the spiritual sphere. It is difficult for you to leave a mark for future generations if you live only for yourself and your needs. You must watch your motives, the development of spiritual aspirations. Life goals and values ​​are not formed through the purchase of fiction about spiritual practices, the esoteric and the supernatural.

So, let's sum up. Every day we are faced with the need to solve certain problems, we struggle with circumstances that adversely affect us. It is important in such situations to make a decision based on your own values. Self-esteem arises only if internal rules are observed. Human life values ​​give him peace and stability.

Life values ​​are highest value in the fate of man. This category denotes what he values ​​\u200b\u200bin his path, what he wants to strive for, what he considers the main thing and what he pays the most attention to. These include: family, health, friendship, love, wealth, that is, everything that can have any value on top of all the other little things in life. If two people share the same point of view, have adjacent basic life values, then their communication is usually conflict-free and even. Such people often achieve maximum mutual understanding among themselves, and the relationship develops quite close and close.

However, people are not inclined to speak out loud about life values. This is not discussed, since no one can formulate them. They just are. The subject of discussion in conversations is most often common interests that are very closely tied to life values. They usually manifest themselves in actions and behavior, but very rarely in words. Often people not only avoid mentioning such things, but also try not to think about them, to comprehend and be aware of them. And this is big mistake, since the system of human values ​​in life is its core. All fate, actions and desires depend on them. There are many things that the individual does not even know about himself. However, the attitude to life values ​​is an important component of self-realization. And awareness of some personal categories will not allow a person to develop as a full-fledged conscious personality.

Now we will look at important life values ​​that need to be rethought in order to understand ourselves and change the way we treat ourselves and others.

1. Tomorrow may not come for words of love

Sometimes we think about it and don't openly share our feelings with the people we really love. But in life there are different circumstances. At one point, it may happen that it will be impossible to tell about true feelings. The fate of man is rich in incidents that randomly can take the object of love out of sight. And then there will never be an opportunity to say warm words out loud.

2. Your judgments of people are not always correct.

No one ever knows what's going on in another person's head. Therefore, do not try to talk in a third person about the actions, thoughts and feelings of another. You cannot know what is happening and why he can do such things. Human life values ​​are a mystery to us. Do not try to jump to conclusions, speak for someone, or make hasty decisions. No one can know for sure about other people's motives.

Many of those who look successful are actually very unhappy. Many of those who look rich are actually in debt. Many of those who, in your opinion, get everything they want from life, in fact, work tirelessly. You cannot know based on your personal observations. You can get to know another person only by asking him, or you can wait for him to share with you. Do not build stereotypes of perception - they are always wrong.

3. Fail because they don't even try.

Do not think about imaginary mistakes or failures - this is just an unnecessary waste of your energy and nerves. By contemplating potential failure, you can never begin to make attempts to change your world. Even the presence of mistakes leads to self-development. This is an invaluable life lesson that you simply must learn in order to grow and become taller. The result is always the sum total of attempts and activities. You won't get anywhere by sitting still. To start your journey, you must take the first step, even if it will consist of mistakes.

4. To endure is to act productively, not to wait

Patience is essential in life. But in fact, this quality denotes a strong-willed effort in the performance of a specific activity. Be careful, patience has nothing to do with waiting, but only endurance in achieving the goal. In fact, patience is the epitome of understanding and accepting the meaning of quality of life. After all, it is more significant than the number of things that you do every day. It is the willingness to accept difficulties with gratitude and to apply perseverance in achieving something greater.

5. You have everything to be happy

Many people think that the material values ​​of life are more important than other aspects of life. But in fact, this is not at all the case. Things are only what we can surround ourselves with. The main human needs are reduced to the very minimum - to the satisfaction of physiological needs (food, sleep). But this list does not include the accumulation of material wealth. All other life values ​​of a social and interpersonal nature (love, friendship, work) are much more important. They need to be protected and understood. If you have it, you are already happy.

6. You are not perfect, the whole world is not perfect

There is no perfect person. All people are imperfect. And you, as a person, are not perfect either. You need to understand this and not worry too much about it. Yes, we all want to strive for something perfect, but this goal is unattainable. Want to get better? Okay - go ahead. However, do not get hung up, but treat it with understanding. Life values ​​cannot be perfect.

7. The little things in life matter

Life is a long journey, on which you will meet many failures and falls, luck and elevations. Everything, down to the smallest detail, that happens to us matters. Don't try to downplay it. What makes our being unique and inimitable is something small and less significant. life path- this is not a path with big stops, but a whole road of 1000 small steps worthy of your attention. Appreciate them.

8. Excuses are always lies

If there are many excuses along the way to achieving your goal, then this indicates the presence of self-justifications and lies about why you cannot achieve it. You shouldn't lie to yourself. If you really want something badly, then there will be no time for excuses. This is the biggest and most insidious enemy on the way to your goal. Try to challenge yourself, because all excuses are a senseless fear that you will not be able to achieve your goal. Believe in yourself, don't lie to yourself. Remember: you can achieve success under any circumstances.

Nobody but you knows how to succeed. Success begins with thoughts, life values ​​and awareness of them. Do not build self-deception around them about their unattainability. There are many perspectives and many opportunities. You just need to make your choice and decide to follow the path of life.

Life values ​​are the main content of the foundation of your "I", self-culture and self-development. Your attitude towards them is the main basis for the realization of your goals. Therefore, you must learn to analyze yourself and understand how you are. In order to understand the surrounding and inner world, it is necessary, first of all, to learn to understand how you yourself are arranged. This is what you should be doing.

Too many people know the price these days
but do not understand their true values
Ann Landers

Human life is impossible without a system of values ​​- stable ideas about the goals to which he aspires for the sake of his own and the common good. Agree, the combination of these words - "value system" - in itself can cause feelings of something important and fundamental. Such impressions also visited me when I first heard about the value system. For a long time I associated this expression with external, social standards, as a set of generally accepted moral norms that allow society to develop in a certain direction. As I understood later, for me, values ​​represent not only a system or set of rules introduced “from outside”, but a personally formed, own understanding of life and its moral foundations. From the whole variety of values, 3 categories are mainly distinguished: material, socio-political and spiritual. And most likely, my reflections here will concern the spiritual, individual values ​​of a person, contributing to the formation of the features of his inner worldview.

Personal values ​​are a much more powerful regulatory mechanism in our lives than they might seem at first glance. They guide a person on the path of his development, determine the specifics of his character, his behavior and type of activity, regardless of whether we realize it or not. In part, they are passed on to us from our parents and are individually laid down from childhood, thereby determining our ideals, goals, interests, tastes, behavior; practically everything that we are at the moment is a combination of various values ​​and “anti-values”. Everything that we know and subjectively perceive in life through books, communication, films, interaction with people - all this is transformed in self-consciousness into subjective experience and further - into a value basis, thanks to which a subjective view of the world, a holistic worldview is formed. Values ​​become preferred and significant for us personal qualities, manifestations, events, representations. I put the concept of “anti-value” in quotation marks because it is not an opposite or opposition to existing values. By "anti-values" I mean only a set of other values, attitudes, actions or habits that weaken the main, priority values ​​for a person, or hinder his development in the desired direction. I will talk about them a little later, but for now we will continue. Our value system is made up of “little things”: from those mental states that we prefer daily, from the habits and patterns of thinking, thanks to which we perceive and evaluate the world around us through various filters. In addition, the value orientations of each of us determine what impact we have on the process of forming society as a whole. There is such an expression: "What are the values, such are both society and the individual."

Just imagine if each person tried to sincerely weigh their lives and reconsider their current values, allowing/realizing their involvement in the processes and trends that are now taking place in the world. It is difficult for many to admit that in order to resolve the destructive and aggressive tendencies of the present time, efforts are needed from each of us - to pay attention to and harmonize our own weaknesses and destructive states. It seems to me that after this many problematic situations in different countries resolved peacefully. But today we still live in a society of consumer orientations, which is not so often concerned with the issues of correcting existing interpersonal relationships creative and humane. Unfortunately, it still seems to people that the world around us and all situations that do not directly concern us exist separately, and there is little we can do to change it.

Is it true? Don't the values ​​of one person affect the existing system of values ​​of the whole society? These questions began to worry me in my youth, when I learned to be aware of my own individual system values ​​as a primary step in determining my life purpose.

At the age of 15, it became clear to me that the range of interests of my peers is limited only to enjoying life and wasting their time and energy. Even then, the search for a broader meaning of further existence began to emerge in my mind. But before finding a use for myself in life, it was important for me to learn a lot about myself: what is my inner world, what gives me joy in life, why something does not suit me, what I aspire to and what ideals inspire me. At that time, bookstores were filled with esoteric literature, workshops on self-development, psychology and a mass of information about what a person is and what opportunities each of us has. Books became my source of inspiration, in them I found answers to many exciting questions and tried to know myself better. At that time, I understood that neither work, nor success, nor relationships in a couple could provide those internal processes of self-disclosure, thanks to which genuine states of joy, love for life and people, internal and external harmony appear.

I saw people who lived “not their own” life and were unhappy: they went to an unloved job, got married, raised children, then got divorced and suffered not because they sincerely wanted such a life, but because it was accepted to live like that, it happened in everyone. Perhaps one of the reasons for this was not their own, but someone else's value system - this is how their parents lived, this is how they "should" live. Without creating their own value base, a person is often faced with the fact that he is forced to either agree, or oppose and resist the demands that society promotes, which are authoritative and significant for many, but not for himself.

For many years I was unable to understand and accept the choices and life principles of the people I met, which forced me to experience a lot of different non-positive states: condemnation, arrogance, criticism, hostility, disappointment in myself and in others. And only much later it became clear why it was difficult for me to understand the behavior, actions and preferences of other people - the reason was hidden precisely in the difference in our systems of personal values, in the priority of individual goals and outlooks on life. But how many destructive non-positive states, quarrels and heavy conflicts arise on the basis of such automatic rejection!

I was helped to see myself from the outside in such manifestations by one story that I was lucky to hear from my good friend, which at that time caused a number of reflections and reflections on this matter.

He told one incident that happened to him. Once a friend of mine was in a hurry for a very special meeting for him and was a little late. He admitted that although outwardly he kept calm, he was internally worried about this, because he considers punctuality an important feature of human character. On the way, he had to stop at a gas station to fill up the car. He immediately warned the dispatcher that he was late and asked to serve him as quickly as possible. A few minutes later, a young tanker approached him and clarified the amount of fuel he wanted. "Full tank. Also, I'm very late. Please, could you serve me as soon as possible,” answered my friend. Watching the young tanker slowly do everything, he was seized by a wave of indignation and indignation. In order to balance himself and get out of the states of growing negativity, he began to look for motivation to justify the sluggishness of this guy. And that's what he realized then for himself. In the personal value system of this young tanker, such qualities as alertness, punctuality, mobility, empathy, assistance, and others were not so significant for him that he could and wanted to show them to other people. Who knows, perhaps the very specifics of working at a gas station with flammable substances, which does not imply fuss, determined the behavior of a young employee: he took his duties responsibly and served without too much haste. On the other hand, he could take his time if he was not happy with his work; usually the perception of time in this type of activity changes and every hour stretches in anticipation of the end of the shift. My acquaintance at that moment felt the value of time in a completely different way: every minute was important, because important meetings and meetings were scheduled one after another. And being late among his acquaintances was regarded as disrespect and irresponsibility.

He told me this story as his own example for finding justification motivations in difficult situations in relationships with people. Of course, the reasons for this behavior of a young tanker could be many and varied: concentration and responsibility, accuracy and calmness, and possibly a bad mood, well-being or other problems in life. But it's not that. This story prompted me to recall many similar situations from my own life, where internal and external conflicts with people arose for the same reasons: differences in views, ideas, upbringing, goals, beliefs, point of view, internal qualities. I was not able to accept people as they have a full right to be. This is the right of freedom of choice, the definition of our own needs, priorities, views and beliefs that give each of us individuality in self-expression. I became interested: how does the value system affect the specifics of perception of oneself and others? Why do we tend to have a negative attitude towards people with a value system different from ours?

As I wrote above, the significance of certain things for a person is determined by a whole set of ideas that he was able to build for himself under the influence of many factors: heredity, upbringing, culture, religion, social circle, field of activity and much more. From these vast spheres of life, values, like filters, allow a person to choose the most important thing: they make the important “visible” and perceived, and the unimportant, vice versa. For example, if cleanliness, order, and neatness are not of great importance to a person, then he will not notice untidiness or slovenliness in another person. Or absolutely the opposite: having excessive pedantry, exactingness and bias towards people, a person sees different details in others that do not correspond to his ideas, which causes misunderstanding and indignation in him. A person automatically “attaches” skills and qualities that are important for himself to others, believing that they are equally significant for them and, as a result, he is faced with the result of his own delusions as disappointment and censure of the actions of these people.

When we interact with someone, we automatically compare and contrast our own values ​​with theirs. Also, this process can take place alone with ourselves, when our choice begins to fluctuate in the direction of one or another value. For example, such a quality as laziness often manifests itself as an internal conflict between two values: the value “pulls” in one direction, prompting the achievement of goals, and in the other, enjoying a pleasant pastime. The first value encourages daily study foreign language(a long-standing goal), and the other is to clean up, watch a movie or chat with friends, which also seems important and necessary.

It happens that people do not clearly understand their personal values. It only seems to them that “correct”, generally accepted moral norms and qualities are significant for them: benevolence, tact, delicacy, respect, tolerance, and others. But most often, these are not real, but “potential” values ​​initiated by subconscious desire"to be better". And only in practice it becomes clear what is really significant and valuable for a person, and what is only his desire to be such. There are people who love to skillfully give "useful" advice to others, but they themselves do the opposite. This is precisely one of the reasons for dissatisfaction with oneself and the life around - a person does not realize his real value system or is mistaken, thinking up and attributing certain features and properties to himself. As a result, in such cases there is an inconsistency or discrepancy between external actions and internal ideas about oneself, which leads to a feeling of disappointment. In order to be able to understand your personal qualities, it is necessary to consciously study them in yourself, analyze and put them into practice, so that the best of them become our good habits, and the far-fetched ones are eliminated.

But what prevents us from living like this? And the reason lies in the so-called "anti-values". By themselves, "anti-values" cannot be called something "bad", it is a part of our life - they are very different and everyone has their own. For example, for one person, watching films is an “anti-value”, because he watches them a lot and often, and, accordingly, other areas of his life “suffer”; for another person, watching movies is a value that allows him to switch and relax after work, relieve accumulated stress.

To my own "anti-values" I include such bad habits and qualities that prevent me from achieving my goals. First of all, it is laziness, self-pity, superficiality, impulsiveness and incontinence, duplicity and fawning, irritability, condemnation and other all kinds of non-positive manifestations and weak sides which still needs to be changed.

Most often, people are more or less aware of their shortcomings, observe them in themselves, manifest them, and then suffer and regret it. Or they do not see the reasons in themselves, but refer to the injustice of life or individual people in relation to them. And this happens day after day, until a person understands that it is the world of “anti-values” that becomes a magnet for attracting misfortune, disappointments and unfavorable situations in his life.

By the age of 30, I began to worry about the question: what is it to be a right, worthy person. What kind of life would I like to see around me? What values ​​are important to me now? Having moved away for a while from external social generally accepted values, I discovered my own qualities, skills, goals, priorities - all that thanks to which I can realize myself as a full-fledged person. Of course, all values ​​are interconnected with each other and grow one from the other. For example, the desire to be a good daughter, girlfriend, wife and mother, as well as to be kind, wise, smart, strong woman living among the same people are the constituent needs and prerequisites for comprehending a more global value - to achieve the ideal human image that I managed to imagine for myself. This is an image perfect man, personifying wisdom, generosity, knowledge, the creative power of kindness and love. Of course, this process never stops, and as we get better, we see (understand) that we can be even better, and this goes on forever. It is important to understand here that the main thing is the process itself - and not the end result. The process of constant change and transformation of mental states, ideals, needs in the desired direction; you need to learn to accept and rejoice in your achievements, even if they are very small steps.

Now I try to be especially sensitive to things that are significant to me, interests, hobbies and internal processes; I try to observe what “anti-values” appear in me and prevent me from developing further. Moreover, the people around us are our good helpers in self-observation. If something in our behavior causes misunderstanding and a non-positive attitude in another person, then this is the first sign of the presence in us of some kind of inconsistency in our system of views, which requires internal harmonization. Thanks to the practice of conscious living, which I am now trying to learn, everything began to appear in my environment. more people with similar interests and values. And such wise sayings: “Like attracts like”, “What you sow is what you reap”, “We ourselves deserve the world in which we live” began to be confirmed in practice in my life. Then I realized that each of us is personally responsible for the society in which he lives. As long as we are “interested” in showing discontent, experiencing fears, being lazy, putting our own interests above the needs of others, we will be in a society that can reflect such desires or unwillingnesses. Numerous internal conflicts, suffering, quarrels that fill the lives of many people, sooner or later force them to admit their own imperfection, as a result of which the main goal arises - to become more humane and build genuine harmonious relationships with people based on understanding, kindness, love and patience. After all, a person is not just a biological species. This is a high rank that still needs to be earned.

They can be briefly expressed as follows:

• Self-development and self-improvement. The ability to devote time and attention to revealing the inner potential, their noble sides. Understanding and adequate assessment of their shortcomings in order to change them.
• A responsibility. Responsibility for your life, decisions, for your successes or mistakes. Awareness of belonging to everything that happens in your life and in the world.
• Awareness. The ability to be an observer of one's mental states and behavioral motives; to accompany with consciousness their current states, actions, the course of their lives.
• Will and intelligence. Overcoming difficulties to achieve the set goals, thanks to the understanding and analysis of situations for their reasonable settlement.
• Constructiveness and self-discipline. The habit of actively seeking solutions rather than complaining. Own fulfillment of those requirements that are imposed on others.
• Optimism and positive thinking. The ability to be happy, confident in success. Gratitude and the ability to forgive other people's mistakes. Joy for the success of others.
• Openness and honesty. The ability and desire to be yourself, to “give” the best part of your inner world to others without duplicity, pretense and closeness.
• Trust in life. Perception of any situations, processes, as necessary, fair and expedient. Understanding cause and effect relationships.
• Faith in people. The ability to see the shortcomings of people, but at the same time always find them strengths and talents. The desire to please and inspire others.
• Altruism and concern for others. Sincere desire to be useful to others. Assistance, empathy, creative participation in the life of people and society.
• Humanity. The highest dignity of man. Possession of the best qualities that can change not only own life but the world as a whole.

The above values-goals are only part of a whole ensemble of qualities and virtues that I would like to develop in myself along with other life values: to be a caring wife, a good friend, a tactful interlocutor; study creative projects, be healthy and financially independent and so on.

Our value system can often change radically, but we do not always understand this, catch it and can control it. In my opinion, this happens when a person is ready and open to these changes. The revision of old values ​​and the formation of new ones in many people is accompanied by complex mental processes associated with the restructuring of perception. In my case, radical changes in the personal value system at this stage occurred due to the study of books on human psychology and iissiidiology. Both of these directions helped to expand the usual boundaries of perception of one's own existence and to learn about the deep interconnections of each of us with the surrounding reality.

For myself, I drew a direct analogy with how my life values ​​determined my direction in life, as well as my worldview. Our own values ​​grow from within, depending on maturity, potential, aspirations, plans for the future, and many other factors. I was convinced that spiritual values, like the garden of our soul, are collected bit by bit, grains that ripen for a long time and only then give fruits that bring the true taste of deep happiness. But we also have our “anti-values,” which we define as flaws and imperfections. Both values ​​and “anti-values” form the range of our interests from the most ordinary, everyday to the most highly moral. And in favor of what we make a choice, it determines the path of becoming ourselves as a person. And now I am deeply convinced that if it is important for me to see healthy, joyful, noble and grateful people around me, then it is necessary to start first of all with myself, with maintaining in myself those values ​​that I would like to see in others.