How to increase your self-esteem advice from a psychologist. How to raise self-esteem, What is self-esteem. How to love yourself and what will happen if you don't
It is a fact that low self-esteem is harmful to a person, as it leads to various unpleasant consequences, and in this publication we will look at effective ways to increase self-esteem. The article will be of interest to a wide range of readers, as it contains wise advice that will benefit every person. The following methods will also help you gain self-confidence and make your life more positive and harmonious.
Why is self-esteem low?
Because we live in a selfish society, where everyone, striving to be better than another (or at least look like that - in the eyes of other people or in their own eyes), tends to "lower" others.
A person lowers the self-esteem of another only because he himself has it underestimated - and he tries to compensate for this by suppressing others, using all kinds of available ways, direct or indirect. People with normal self-esteem will not make others "lower" or "worse"; they understand that we are all different and everyone is unique in their own way, and everyone has their own place and role in life. The idea "I'm better than the other" is a sign of bloat and ignorance, nothing more.
How to properly evaluate yourself?
Before we look at how to increase self-esteem, a few words should be said about proper self-esteem in general. In order to properly evaluate yourself, you need to discard emotions and look at the situation sensibly by connecting. And it happens that a person, having read “smart” articles about increasing self-esteem using various methods of self-hypnosis, begins to imagine himself almost as God, which, naturally, from the outside looks ridiculous at best, and at worst - creates even more for a person problems.
Evaluate yourself sensibly. Do not think that self-hypnosis can deceive life: cunning can work, but, in the end, everything will be balanced - everyone will get what they deserve. The losers are the people who past life they tore off a fat piece of the pie for themselves, but they tore it from their own future, so now that the future has become present, they are left with nothing. People say correctly: for every tricky nut there is a tricky bolt.
Therefore, the best way to increase self-esteem, a trouble-free and reliable means, is to work on yourself: , improving in this or that activity and doing good deeds, a person really appreciates himself higher than when he says and does all sorts of stupid things, and therefore gets more, according to his deserts. The conclusion is simple: you need to be a good man and do more good, then problems with self-esteem will not arise. The idea that life can be cheated is completely crazy, and it is better to abandon it immediately.
The methods listed below are bits of wisdom collected on the Internet.
How to increase self-esteem: 20 ways
1. Refuse any destructive criticism and self-criticism. Destructive criticism is a negative assessment of a person, actions or events, which implies an attempt to impose one's point of view on the world. Imposition is violence, and life does not like violence, so do not waste your energy on something that will turn against you. If you can't live without criticism, change it from destructive to constructive and corrective.
2. Refuse negative thoughts stop terrorizing yourself with destructive attitudes. Thoughts create our future - what we think about constantly, we attract. We think about the bad - we attract the bad, we think about the good - we attract the good. Fuel up and spread it around - it's effective method boost self-esteem.
3. Stop blaming yourself and making excuses. If you have done something wrong and you are accused of it, just admit it as a fact. Why the extra emotions and excuses? Yes, I'm guilty, yes, I'll fix it. Do not drive yourself into guilt and do not look for excuses - it's all in the past. Be in the present and think creatively and positively about the future - this way of thinking is the most optimal for a person.
4. Connect more with positive and confident people who do not try to put pressure on you or make you “lower”. Choose or rearrange your social circle, as your self-esteem and self-confidence directly depend on this. They say, "Whoever you go with, that's what you'll get." On our site you can- just for communication, or friendship, or maybe something more.
5. Engage in activities that bring real joy or satisfaction. If this is not about your work, then you need to find a hobby that will give you the feeling that life is not lived in vain. By doing what you really enjoy doing, you gain self-confidence and perhaps even meaning in life, and this significantly raises self-esteem. You can take the Free Purpose Quiz to find out what activities will bring you success and real happiness and start doing them. When a person knows his destiny and does what he loves, he lives happily, using his abilities and talents, and he simply does not have problems with self-esteem.
6. Be patient with yourself. Changing ourselves and introducing a new positive model of behavior into our lives, we want an immediate reward for our actions, but it should be borne in mind that in the material world the effect is separated from the cause by some amount of time, and the reward does not always come immediately.
7. Plan your future. Set realistic (quite achievable) goals for yourself, write down realistic steps to achieve them and regularly implement them - this is an effective way to achieve success and gain self-confidence. Don't procrastinate and don't let the mind think more than is really necessary, as the mind tends to overthink, doubt and find excuses, "why not do it." If the mind (and for women - intuition) says "it's necessary" and "it's better like this", then it's necessary, and that's it.
8. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and others. If we regret, then we agree that a person cannot cope with the problem, that life is unfair, and that next time I can become a victim. If you can help a person - help, but do not tune in to a negative wave of sympathy and pity, because you will make things worse for yourself and others. Trying to get pity and sympathy (instead of real help) is a manifestation subconscious desire, "so that others are no better than me."
9. Gratitude to accept the gifts of fate. Very often people think that blind fate sends blessings to people like me - unworthy. Fate is never wrong - there is simply a delay in time, and we cannot always track why this or that good has come to us. Accepting the gifts of fate, continue to do good deeds, share positive with others, and more and more goodness will return to you. This way of interacting with the world is the most reasonable.
10. Don't be presumptuous: "one in the field is not a warrior." Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of wisdom. The weak is embarrassed and loses, and the strong, when he feels that he needs support, asks for support, because he himself never refuses to help, if it is in his power and does not contradict common sense. We can solve the tasks that life sets before us, but no one says that this should be done alone. On the contrary, interaction with the world around us is the key to success. Find your support - and you will become many times stronger, gain self-confidence and learn to trust the world around you.
11. Love your flaws and troubles. Any difficulties and problems make us stronger if we overcome them, and do not resist. Resistance to the situation only strengthens it, because we do not try to accept it, but push it away. Therefore, there is no solution, and the situation can be corrected only by accepting it. Cope with emerging problems and situations, this will greatly increase your self-esteem.
12. Take care of your body, because these are not clothes that you can change at will at any time. Keep the body clean, treat and prevent diseases. A sick person is always weaker than a healthy one. Why create unnecessary difficulties for yourself? Eliminate them as soon as you find them, do not delay.
13. Bring all things to an end, as unfinished business reduces self-esteem and self-confidence, reminds us of defeat and weakness. Never drop things halfway - then you will have nothing to reproach yourself with. This is a great way to gradually increase your self-confidence.
14. Don't focus on possession. Any thing that belongs to you can suddenly disappear or break. And the more expensive it was, the more difficult its loss, and the more this loss will weaken you. Also, the people we are trying to appropriate to ourselves can leave us at any moment, but the dependence remains. Ultimately, and in our use is only temporarily, do not forget about it. So be for what you have, but don't get attached to these temporary things.
15. Stop showing your importance and pretend that you are better than others. If you do not match the image that you show, others will put you in your place, and you will look ridiculous. In addition, by such behavior you will attract someone who wants to measure with you in what is usually measured, and you can shamefully lose, which will in no way contribute to self-esteem.
16. Get over your fears. Fear is the biggest destroyer of your self-confidence. Try to do things that you were afraid to do more often, but do without stupidity, unnecessary heroism and unjustified risk. It may turn out that overcoming fears is the best way to achieve.
17. Help people, benefit society and set others on a positive wave. This will give you confidence; and when you realize that you are helping people, you will no longer consider yourself a failure.
18. Act decisively and purposefully, without looking back or worrying about past failures. Concentrate on the goal and boldly go to it; and when you reach it, there will be no need to raise self-esteem.
19. To study wisdom, trying to penetrate into the most important secrets of life(“Who am I?”, “What am I doing here?”, “How does it all work?”) and get answers to these questions. With spiritual growth, complexes, self-doubt and other problems of material existence disappear.
20. Love yourself now and always. You are a unique person, with a unique set of qualities and abilities, you are an integral part of life, you have a unique role and place in life. God created you just like that; if he wanted you differently, he would have made you different. The Creator accepts you exactly as you are at every moment of time, so there is no point in not accepting and loving yourself. Understanding this greatly improves self-esteem, doesn't it? Therefore, never wait for that bright moment to come when you deserve your own love, otherwise this minute will simply never come.
Of course, there are other ways to increase self-esteem and gain self-confidence, and they can also be successfully applied in your life. Esoteric site materials will help you with this, for example, an article and other similar materials (links to which are given at the bottom of the page, under the article).
Discuss on the esoteric forum :
The secret of failure lies in self-doubt. Few people are able to appreciate their own weaknesses and strengths Besides, often the problem comes from childhood. We are taught that we must not be arrogant or brag about our successes, we must be modest. As a result, many men and women grow up with self-doubt and in adulthood do not know how to get rid of the problem and increase self-esteem.
What is self-esteem
You need to understand the terms. Self-esteem is the ability to understand, accept your strengths and weak sides, soberly assess the possibilities, successes, abilities, prospects. A person with normal self-esteem does not seek to compare himself with others (and it does not matter in whose favor the comparison is), but accepts himself as a separate, formed personality.
However, people tend to be skeptical about their own talents. The complexes that arise due to self-esteem can relate to everything - appearance, intelligence, abilities, career prospects, education, personal life. It depends on what problems the person had in childhood. For example, a boy who was overweight will consider himself fat as an adult if he does not understand how to increase self-esteem.
Low
Low self-esteem is a common problem. People suffering from such complexes, unable to perceive themselves as smart, beautiful and successful, are sure that they will never succeed in anything good. A person with this problem tends to constantly compare himself with others. In addition, one of the signs of this problem with self-esteem can be attributed to the tendency to excessive self-criticism.
high
The reverse problem is high self-esteem: people suffering from it tend to consider themselves smarter and more beautiful than everyone else, which is why they get into unpleasant situations. They can grab onto a job that is a priori too tough for them, or compete with obviously stronger opponents. They are unable to see their own shortcomings and cannot work to correct them. Self-esteem and self-confidence are directly related to education. Such a problem may arise, for example, in a girl who was told that she was the best.
Character changes throughout life, a person can always develop an adequate approach to increasing self-esteem, his problems and successes. For successful psychological work There are several ways to improve self-esteem. Much depends on what caused a person to have low self-esteem. Sometimes you can cope with the problem on your own, sometimes you need the help of a psychologist to succeed.
woman
Often a woman's self-esteem suffers due to problems related to appearance and success in her personal life. Try to follow simple advice:
- Stop comparing your looks to your friends or models.
- Take a good look in the mirror and find at least five enviable traits. It can be luxurious thick hair, a beautiful chest shape, a graceful neck or an unusual eye color. Figure out how to highlight your strengths and hide your weaknesses.
- Live the way you want. Do not seek to start a relationship with a man just "for show".
- Think about your hobby. Success in any area is the best path to success and how you can increase self-esteem.
- Learn to proudly accept compliments and agree with them, and not make excuses and blush. As often as possible, go out to people beautifully dressed - unobtrusive flirting, even with random young people, perfectly increases self-esteem and self-confidence.
man
Complexes of men are often associated with education and career and, in the absence of visible success, few people know how to raise self-esteem. Try this to solve the problem:
- Speak to the public more often, talk about successes, get used to being in the public eye.
- Set a worthy goal for yourself, such as a good job or an apartment in the city center. Then you can not look back at those who have achieved modest success, and not envy in vain.
- Attend workshops, courses and business trainings. There you can not only improve your skills, but also meet professionals.
- Try to limit your contact with people who make you feel like a failure. Communicate in your circle - incl. material, then self-esteem will not suffer.
Teenager
Low self-esteem of a teenager is the most common problem. At a young age, a person is very vulnerable, and a girl or a guy can get complexes because of sheer nonsense. To avoid this, you need to follow simple tips:
- Determine exactly what caused the complexes and whether it can be corrected. If it's about appearance, new clothes, a hairstyle, going to the gym or swimming pool to get rid of excess weight can help out.
- Try to have a teenager communicate in his circle of peers, where there is no one to envy. Often children, being surrounded by peers from wealthy families, begin to complex because they do not have a fashionable phone, car, or jewelry.
- Determine what works best and develop talent. Those who sing at school concerts, play basketball, or are great at movies can gain authority in a peer group.
- Try to earn your first pocket money. It is always nice to feel like an adult, and not a child who asks his mother for a hundred rubles for lunch. This is great for boosting self-esteem.
- If the problem is the lack of attention of the opposite sex, try to get into another company. There the situation will change.
Child from 4 to 12 years old
Low self-esteem of a child is a complex problem, when working with which it is necessary to accurately determine the origin. Often the trouble comes from the family or from the school. Try these tricks:
- Find out if your child is doing well in school. Sometimes it is better to transfer from a profile class to a regular one: there he will not be lagging behind, and self-confidence will return.
- Find out who your child is friends with. If other kids show off expensive toys or phones that you can't afford, try to get your son or daughter out of the company.
- Choose a circle or section. Success in a hobby has a great effect on self-confidence.
- Tell your child that you love him often. Look at family photos together, discuss what a wonderful family you have.
- Remember what successes you have achieved. Commendation for the past academic year– already excellent!
- If the problem cannot be solved at home, contact a child psychologist: Small child not always able to explain clearly what is bothering him.
Ways to increase self-confidence
If you don't know how to boost your self-esteem, try following the checklists that are easy to find today. Movies, literature, special training or even music can explain how to increase self-confidence and become happy man. Better to start with simple ways. Sometimes the problem is solved surprisingly quickly and easily.
Exercises
- Auto-training: repeat the words about your virtues aloud several times.
- Write a list of past successes.
- Help people, then you can feel useful and irreplaceable.
- Speak in public as often as possible.
- Forgive yourself for past failures and problems, even if they hurt your self-esteem.
Trainings
Not everyone has the opportunity to attend special trainings or master classes for self-assessment, but you can try to do something yourself:
- Train your determination and willpower: quit smoking, go on a diet, go in for sports, etc. Finish what you started!
- Chat with strangers. People with low self-esteem can be shy: get over it by asking questions in the street.
- Meditate. A calm person exudes confidence and success.
- Ask friends to tell or write about what they appreciate about you.
- Act out: Imagine that you need to describe yourself from the outside to a stranger. Write an essay about yourself in the third person. Think about what needs to be emphasized!
In this article, we will consider the following questions:
- 1. What is self-esteem?
- 2. Why is having high self-esteem so important?
- 3. Reasons for low self-esteem.
WHAT IS SELF-ASSESSMENT?
Self-esteem- this is your attitude towards yourself, that is, how you see yourself, what you think about yourself and who you consider yourself to be. All of these self-images are formed from a list of self-beliefs. This list contains both good qualities and bad ones. Self-esteem is not how you really are or how people around you see you. Self-esteem is what WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF. People don't always think of you the way you think they do. Your level of self-esteem is your SUBJECTIVE look at yourself. This quality is formed from the very beginning of your life and is done gradually and can be consciously or unconsciously changed.
In most cases, an unconscious change in self-esteem leads to its low level. Why? It's just that people are arranged in such a way that they notice only the bad in a person, they are always looking for flaws in him, and for some reason all the good is filtered out. Positive qualities are taken for granted. And since more attention is focused on everything bad, of course, it takes root much better and faster in the subconscious, which accordingly affects the attitude towards oneself. carried out with the help of thoughts and actions in different situations. Developing a high self-esteem is very important for modern man. Without high self-esteem, a person is unlikely to achieve anything significant.
Self-esteem is the very starting point from which it begins. If you don't love yourself, then how will others love you? High self-esteem is extremely important, because all your actions will directly depend on it. When the level of your self-esteem increases, then the level of your return in all areas of your life increases. High self-esteem leads to confident actions and good decisions. Low self-esteem leads to timidity, doubts and, as a result, to uncertainty at the moment of making a decision. I comment on this process point by point.
- You yourself participate in the formation of your own self-esteem.
- Thoughts and behavior are in line with your self-image.
- The influence of self-esteem directly depends on how others perceive you.
- Your self-esteem changes in a positive or negative side after understanding how other people perceive you.
- We return to point 2.
FORMATION OF HIGH SELF-ESTIMATION DIRECTLY AFFECTS ALL YOUR ACTIONS, AND YOUR FURTHER LIFE WILL DEPEND ON YOUR ACTIONS.
As Henry Ford said: “If you think you can or cannot do it, you are right in both cases”.
REASONS FOR LOW SELF-ESTEEM
1. We are surrounded negative people and very often we are dealing with a negatively minded society.
There are far fewer successful people, but they were able to break through this wall of mediocrity. Why is it so difficult? All because it is necessary to get out of the usual ideas of the masses and trust yourself, and start your movement at the call of the soul. And it's not very easy. They lie in wait for you at every step, and in addition they indicate to you that you are not going where you need to go. Those people who cannot withstand such tension choose a simpler path - to merge with the crowd and forget about their own. Most of these people, society simply takes them away from them.
2. The abilities and capabilities of a person, appearance and intellectual potential were repeatedly ridiculed or questioned by teachers, parents, friends and many other people when a good opportunity turned up.
No matter how badly or well you did the task, there will always be people who will criticize you. They will criticize either for what you have done or for what you have not done. The main purpose of any criticism is to increase the feeling of one's worth. When you step forward, you leave a lot of people behind you, and then they try to put you down with words. Remember: the level of your self-esteem will determine the level of your success.
3. Giving too much importance to some event in which you failed.
4. Self-promotion
Self-promotion is a small text, descriptive. This text should describe you and your qualities with the best side. Works very effectively in conjunction with reception number 1 - "mirror". You take a blank piece of paper and write:
“Ivan Ivanovich, meet Ivan Ivanovich, a respectable and influential businessman. He has business in 35 countries around the world. He is in the top 1% of the most influential and wealthy people from all over the world. True leader. Ivan has grandiose dreams, he is fluent in self-hypnosis techniques. He has a powerful faith in God, in his business and especially in himself. His love is inexhaustible. He loves his job. He loves difficulties, because he sincerely believes that the more difficulties he encounters along the way, the greater the reward awaits him in the future. He dresses awesome, looks stunning. He has very a high self-evaluation, thanks to the fact that he knows perfectly well who he really is and what kind of business is in his hands. Every day his business is flourishing, and Ivan is becoming more and more perfect, more confident in himself, in God and in his goals. He can achieve absolutely any goals, because with God nothing is impossible. God leads him by the hand."
After you write the text, read it every day and preferably in front of a mirror.
On this article how to raise self-esteem came to an end. I wish you success in raising your self-esteem.
how to improve self esteem what is self esteem
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Many people throughout their lives seek false ways to increase their self-esteem by hiding behind expensive things, striving for the perfect figure. If you think for a second and remember some famous and successful personalities who were seen in simple clothes and hardly looked like they were successful, more like “hipsters”. It is unlikely that they suffer from low self-esteem, because their bank account says otherwise.
Everything comes from our consciousness and subconsciousness, from how and what we think and what feelings we experience at this moment.
Of course, our physical health also plays an important role. The way we eat, whether we exercise. After all, if we feel unwell, we are unlikely to be sure of everything.
1. Fear.
Often, before making a decision, we experience fear. Fear protects our body from danger, leaving us in a comfort zone, as a result of which we do not dare to change something. Everyone dreams of something they can't start doing, someone has always wanted to learn how to snowboard or open their own cooking, and maybe even have a baby. But at the stage of thinking about it, we already experience fear, although we have not even taken a step to implement the plan.
One of the first goals on the path to self-esteem is to get rid of fear.
Sit at home in a quiet room, relax and think about your fear. Think of it like a picture in a frame. Then imagine how this picture moves away from you and becomes less and less noticeable, eventually turning into a dot that disappears altogether.
The next way to get rid of fear is to feel the insignificance of fear, as well as the fact that it does not deserve your worries. And then erase this picture with your hand, as if you were rubbing your hand on a misted window.
2. Flexibility of character.
Develop the flexibility of your character. Everyone has probably noticed a sharp reaction to a minor event - for example, friends decide to cancel a meeting at the last minute. Scientists believe that this comes from our childhood. To begin with, clearly define in what cases you begin to overreact. Are the circumstances so terrible that they would react in such a way? Is this situation worth it to react so sharply? If these questions make you feel defensive, then you are indeed overreacting to the situation. The first step towards overcoming such reactions is to recognize their nature and understand what in your past caused them. Another way is to intentionally, consciously change your habits. Ask yourself how attached you are to your usual plans. Can you take a different route from work? Or go to the store on Wednesday instead of Thursday as usual? Can you change your plans without disorienting yourself? This is your chance to become more flexible. Flexibility in one area makes it possible to develop flexibility in other areas.
3. Set goals for yourself and solve them.
Set realistic goals and achieve them. Choose the most important of everyday things and solve them. You will experience a feeling of satisfaction and ease if you start with the most difficult tasks and gradually move towards the easier ones. Perhaps success will not always be, but this should not oppress you, on the contrary, remember the tasks that you have already completed. Feel confident that you can achieve everything (“the foundation was poured, the walls were installed, the ceiling remained, but there are not enough resources. It’s okay. But how quickly the foundation was poured and how well everything else was done”). Always think about what you are good at. If something works out, then you deserve it. Self-confidence will come when you realize that the tasks are completed, even if they were small and simple.
How to learn to appreciate yourself?
Each of us is a unique personality, each of us has a certain set of personal qualities, skills, achievements. Everyone perceives the world in their own way. In order to notice your uniqueness and enjoy it every day, write down on a piece of paper everything that you consider to be the best in yourself. These can be beautiful eyes or certain professional achievements (“I have a lot of experience in a certain field”), as well as character traits (“responsive”, “I can listen”). If you think of something you don't like, don't write it down. Do not limit yourself to one day, constantly re-read and add to the list.
You can also ask your relatives and relatives about how and under what situation they could turn to you as a specialist, a person with experience. Write it down and read it periodically. This will give you self-confidence as well as the peace of mind that there are people to turn to for support.
4. Find something that gives you strength and confidence.
Perhaps this is yoga or a walk along the promenade, or maybe these are minutes spent reading your favorite book, or just pleasant memories that fill you with a sense of satisfaction, after which you feel a surge of strength and joy.
Fill your life with colors. Do not leave the gilded service for the holidays, take it out and use it every day, enjoying its beauty.
Also, psychologists advise to develop what gives you strength and confidence. If you are not given foreign languages (and you have already signed up for courses in foreign language) and at the same time you are in a depressed state, the success of others can only aggravate your condition. Instead, focus on what works best for you. Awareness of your own mastery enhances self-confidence due to the positive emotions that you experience (pride, joy, lightness of mind).
5. Keep and emphasize your uniqueness.
No need to drown in the problems of her husband and in caring for children. You can love a person, perform various “feats” for him and enjoy it, but you cannot live for him, and he cannot live for you. Your loved one fell in love with you for who you are, do not lose your uniqueness and individuality.
Now you know how to raise a woman's self-esteem! If you have your own ways, then share them in the comments!
Video by a professional psychologist on how to increase self-esteem. Where do legs grow from and how to deal with it?
Raising self-esteem
How to raise self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know how to act?
Hello dear reader! In this article I will give the first recommendations on how to raise self-esteem. In other articles on the site you will find even more information on this topic.
What is self-esteem and how important it is for a person - it’s not worth saying, this is already clear. And what do you need to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent of external factors, in particular, people.
Firstly, a real desire (not just a "wishlist", but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do something worthwhile in life.
It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach, you can make it faster but that doesn't mean fast.
Although there are fast way. It " miracle", which can happen to you, or which you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then already to form yourself, your views and your self-esteem anew, unless the memory returns to you again.
Honestly, I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. miracle". In addition, self-esteem is not so difficult to change, there are much more difficult things in life, for example, finding and achieving your goal.
How to raise our self-esteem? How to become more confident?
The first thing is important to keep in mind.
Self-esteem may change not only during life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood at the moment. I think many of you noticed behind you - how until recently you felt good and confident, it seemed to you that you can do everything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone said something to you), you were upset, and immediately manifested inner emptiness or even depression.
And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not of an acute (painful) nature, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their opinion.
Many are sure that you can always be on top, you can always be stably confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you can't always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!
We have different periods: moments of decline and recovery, sadness and joy, calm and excitement; only in some it happens less frequently, in others it happens more often and in sharp, sharp jumps.
Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any moment, for example, when your plan didn’t work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances for yourself, this is a reality that makes no sense to resist.
Causes of tension, weakness and a constant drop in self-esteem
When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not internally feel like that, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he drives himself into the framework and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, as he believes, one should strive to maintain his status, and he simply cannot relax.
And if suddenly something doesn’t turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if he, in his opinion, shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then voluntarily or involuntarily gets upset, angry and criticizes himself. It takes a lot of energy, vitality and immediately reduces self-esteem.
Therefore, for starters, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem, this is normal, just today was not your day. We all have days that we don't want to remember.
And it is important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), at your best, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you can experience not the best mood and allow yourself to be insecure.
This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.
Fact and awareness of this already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in action.
There are also very important point similar to what was written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, "hit" or about you, maybe they forgot (ignored), treated you disrespectfully - and you expected something else and for this reason experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem dropped , besides, you might think that it is you who are to blame, you are somehow not like that - do not engage in self-digging and destructive analysis.
The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is so, then you will not achieve anything good, except for pain, by self-digging.
What's happening? Self-esteem has fallen, you are upset and, against the background of this bad mood, you are trying to understand why it happened, what you did or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem due to such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more. Think about it, this happens a lot.
In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is just a seeming impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.
Here you just need to internally completely reconcile with what happened, leave all introspection and boldly move on.
And one of the main reasons why, in principle, you should never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging - this does not reinforce your confidence in any way, but rather only aggravates your situation and general condition. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.
As for the experience that is important to draw from situations, this should be done calm cold introspection, without criticizing, scolding yourself and leaving an imprint of your entire past.
Such introspection is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation sober look. After all, only with a cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm environment, you can draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.
It's even better to do it on paper. So the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (clearer) what is important to you and what is just harmful nonsense.
From the whole analysis, only the very essence is taken, that is, a piece of real experience, a short (laconic) conclusion without any anger and criticism in your address, you find and extract a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real introspection and useful, constructive, light criticism.
Many condemn themselves so ruthlessly that there is no way to come to inner peace, confidence and self-love. But is it possible through violence and guilt to come to spiritual harmony? How to raise self-esteem here? Think for yourself.
And also, I know very well how it pulls, despite all the warnings, to continue introspection and introspection while remaining emotionally shattered, because I want to quickly find a logical solution to calm myself, but very often, this does not give anything good, just keep in mind.
Conclusion:
Never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging;
Do introspection when you are calm and better on paper;
Temporary insecurity and a decline in self-esteem is normal, it happens to everyone, just take it easy.
Self-Esteem and the Influence of People
It is always important to remember that no evaluations of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can cause something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of the water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. Whatever anyone tells you, learn to relate to it detachedly, without unnecessary emotions.
If you did or said something wrong and you think that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on it, you have already done it, and there is nothing to return. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks of you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.
Exactly what we ourselves think of ourselves, the most important , therefore, self-esteem is called self-esteem, and not mom-evaluation, dad-evaluation, colleagues-evaluation, etc., let the rest think what they want, it is their legal right and their problems to think about something there.
By the way, most people themselves are obsessed with what others think of them - how they look, how they are looked at, how they are treated, they think about controlling their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in fact, they do not really care to you, so worry less.
1) Your thoughts and words to yourself
Talk to yourself, your thoughts - your friends, your thoughts should to help you to act, not harm. And I only mean sound thoughts, and not everything that can come to mind.
We cannot believe everything that we consciously and unconsciously think about. One or another of our thoughts depends on many circumstances: on mood, general tone and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and are useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.
The way you talk to yourself is very important.
Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself like a friend(do not be afraid, this is a non-excuse :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is first and foremost attitude towards oneself. Good relationship to yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how badly you act regarding morality and the opinions of others.
What words do you say to yourself? What do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?
If you say to yourself: " I can't do anything", " I can't, I can't", "yes where do I go before", "I won’t go to meet, suddenly she doesn’t like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm somehow not like that"- these thoughts are the way innowhere. You won't achieve anything with them.
The reality is that if you think you can't do it, it's doesn't mean at all that you really won’t succeed, it only says that it may not work out, but it can also work out if you pull yourself together and try hard.
And if it seems to you that they will not understand you, they will not appreciate you, and they will laugh at you, this does not mean at all that it will be so.
Courage and deeds are greatly appreciated by others, even if they are unsuccessful. Intelligent people will see that you are one of those who are able to act!
2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.
Trite, but true, although many do not succeed. Failure happens to everyone. Don't get hung up on a thought like this when you're about to do something: " I may not be able to". If you think like that, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.
Thoughts of failure are blocks that arise in our head as protection against a miss.
But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to respond to such harmful "thought blocks" correctly - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that happens around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).
A simple word or a few words spoken to oneself helps a lot. For example, this unpleasant thought came to me: BUT all of a sudden i can't do anything", answer yourself: " I can, I will do it, and let it be what it is"Next, don't have a pointless conversation that deprives you of confidence. Just do it and see the result.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Only he who pleases everyone or does nothing does not make mistakes. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience in order to correct actions in the future and do something better. We must be afraid not of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of our own (desires).
As they say: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and success cannot be achieved without making mistakes.
3) Never blame yourself. I repeat, it is important to get rid of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.
If you have been constantly blaming yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your 
subconscious).
And it starts to work as a background, on the machine. You yourself do not notice how suddenly you begin to feel guilty, sometimes doing absolutely nothing wrong.
For example, in your direction could raise some suspicion surrounding, and you about it just thought a little , a sense of guilt could immediately arise inside.
Whatever you did wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but do not blame yourself.
4) Don't make excuses. The justification itself calls forth negative emotions. Making excuses, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you may be to blame.
But even if you prove something, the sediment on your soul will still remain, and justification, no matter how you look at it, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it’s better to just apologize if you are really guilty, and that’s it.
5) Fear. Good defensive reaction of the body. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural feeling of self-protection. But if fear completely takes possession of a person, then expect trouble.
6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, are embarrassed to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not pride, pride in oneself, one's successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It nourishes you, and you may unwisely resist it. And if you are praised, then you deserve it, you need to adequately accept it.
By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously believe that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from the inside, you reinforce this unnecessary stiffness and shyness in yourself.
The next time you are praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, it may be unusual for you, but still learn to adequately accept gratitude.
As for modesty, 
not bad when she is on business and alternates with good impudence.
Praise yourself to your loved one - this is the name of a small, but very useful practice that is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful deeds.
Made (a) dinner - excellent, I did well, however, the chicken was burnt - nothing, next time it will turn out better. Washed (a) shorts - great, but I'm just super.
7) If you are always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinion of friends and relatives, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on yourself.
Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.
And by shifting decisions to others, you relieve yourself of responsibility for the possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure, you will have someone to shove and "get rid of", but in case of success, you will not be able to feel a "winner" inside yourself (which you YOURSELF COULD), which means you will not increase your self-confidence!
Just try not to take too much to begin with. important decisions, most importantly, without regard to others.
We thought it over, firmly decided, period. Even if it's the wrong decision. Just try not to harm the people around you. There is a fine line here, but it is necessary to do this in order to feel in yourself that you too can make a decision, and you have your own real opinion.
8) The level of claims also affects self-esteem. If you set yourself too much lofty goals that cannot be realized in a relatively short time, prolonged unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, disappoint and lower your self-esteem.
Set high goals and go for them, but they should be realistically achievable in the near future..
Plan your goals, divide by parts, having done one, move on to another. Having achieved your goal and internally becoming more confident and strong, set yourself a more significant goal.
9) How to raise self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.
True, this exercise is not suitable for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this will continue every time for 3-4 days, leave it, it's just not for you right now. Here a different approach will be needed.
It all depends on the perception of the person and some points that I will not describe here.
Performing the practice, address yourself as your whole "I", do not focus only on appearance, individual features, some thoughts or internal state. You are all together, one whole, so you need to approach it.
Exercise can help a lot, but it takes time, because here you are programming yourself, your subconscious, and this is not so simple.
It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through your teeth, to say: "I love myself and".
You must say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if there is something you don't like about your appearance. 
At the mirror, repeat these words for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not fully awake, not loaded with thoughts and still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.
Smiling slightly, say to yourself: " I love and respect myself in my successes and failures. I love myself in sickness and in health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that I have. I respect and love myself. I am a unique person, and I have my own strengths and talents, and there is no one completely similar to me externally and internally. I respect and love myself regardless of my "flaws". I appreciate and love the way I am".
Here it is very important to just calmly say this to yourself, and not to look closely at every little thing that you like or dislike, not to be drawn into all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to say it to yourself and go.
10)
Make a list of what you are good at and what you are good at.
.
Write everything that is and is true. Describe in detail your positive traits(everyone has them), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it aloud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If at the end of reading you felt pleasant emotions, then everything worked out, and you should strive for this.
You can spend 2-3 minutes on this at least once a day. Take one skill of yours and describe it, then read it. The next day (or the day after) describe something else.
11) Take small steps towards what you want. Excessive tension, exhaustion is completely useless. You feel that now you don’t want to do anything at all, you want to relax, relax, gain strength and energy.
How to raise self-esteem. Important point!
Don't wait until your self-esteem is strong to make a decision. act little by little already right now.
The more you do something, the more you decide on steps that are significant for you, the faster you will feel confident, and at the same time, everything will work out better and calmer for you.
Nothing raises self-esteem (confidence) like - cessation of self-blame and new actions!
Try to do more of what you enjoy. If right now you have to go to a job you hate, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing this because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate a value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise unloved work will in itself reduce your significance and self-esteem.
If you don't like the job, don't need a drastic change, keep working, but start looking for something that will be more to your taste than what you would like to do. Favorite business (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!
I draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on oneself, pendulums can arise - this is when everything was fine, and then it suddenly became bad. Treat such moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during such periods!
The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to unfold, new perspectives open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.
Finally: how to raise self-esteem?
You can experience anxiety in any place where there are people without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others might think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.
Therefore, a small but important tip - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others. In comparison, you still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.
Do not judge others, because when you judge, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that you will always feel inside yourself that you are being evaluated.
This is manifested in the so-called "mind reading" phenomenon of the psyche, when you think that you know what other people think of you. Moreover, what you think about yourself, you kind of "transfer" into their head, and it seems to you that this is what they think about you.
By and large, all people have different thinking, and we cannot know what others think of us, we can only assume. But what does it matter if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he will not care.
The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot in any way affect your success, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you wind yourself up with some then thoughts. Only you, with your thinking, can bring yourself to emotional tension, stress and bad mood. Remember this.
When you stop judging people, the anxiety that is formed on judging and evaluating will become weaker and weaker, and there will be less and less such thoughts.
